Work Text:
Lumine glanced around Wangshu Inn’s empty balcony. “I don’t think Xiao wants to be bothered.”
“Sure, he does.” Hu Tao set her basket on the floor and brought out a wrapped plate of almond tofu from its depths. “Here. Hold this.”
Cautiously, Lumine accepted the plate. She scanned over it for the usual signs of Hu Tao’s homecooked meals; surprisingly, there were none to be found. It appeared edible. Good, even! …In other words, storebought.
Lumine had once asked Hu Tao if she could cook any dish well. Her answer: Yes, the one she’d perfected for a friend. To this very day, Lumine had yet to see that dish.
“Watch and learn!” Hu Tao hummed through a major and minor scale. Clasping her hands together, she parted her lips and wailed an off-key song featuring Xiao’s name at the top of her lungs.
Before she could finish the chorus, Xiao appeared in a flash of light. Irritation creased his brow. “I heard you the first time.”
“He graces us with his presence! See, Lumine, what did I tell you? He’ll show.”
He huffed, crossing his arms. “No respect for the adepti, as usual.”
“Aw, Xiao! I knew you loved me.”
“Your words are both bold and mistaken.”
“Playing hard to get, eh?” She snapped her fingers. “Speaking of words, we need to talk about your latest attempt at martyrdom.”
His eyes flicked to Lumine.
Mumbling an apology, Lumine extended the dessert to him as an offering.
Hu Tao set her hands on her hips. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”
“You concern yourself in everything that doesn’t involve you,” Xiao said, taking the almond tofu. “Few mortals are nosier or noisier than you.”
“But of course! And, as your good friend, I’m here to let you know that you have options.” Grinning, she dug out a handful of wooden tokens, a different deal inscribed on each one. “Yes, indeed! You guessed it! I’m here with a full offering of options on how you would like your remains handled.”
She held them up to his face, fanning the stack out for his viewing pleasure. “There’s our most popular: burials. The deal on coffins at this time of year? A steal. To die for, I tell you! Oh, we do cremations, too, if that’s more your thing.”
“Hu Tao,” Lumine hissed.
“As for flowers, you like Qingxin, right? Very nice choice. The scent really covers up that smell of decay if you do opt for a burial or open casket. If you fancy returning to nature faster, we can skip the embalming. That’ll knock off some mora.”
“Hu Tao!”
“Like I said, options! The choice is yours! I want you to make your next self-sacrificial adventure with absolute peace of mind that your worldly affairs are in good hands.”
“Hu—!”
“It was for a cause,” Xiao said without a trace of anger or annoyance present.
“…Uh-huh.” Hu Tao’s smile slid off her face as she fell silent.
Lumine bit her lip, shifting back and forth on her feet. Only the rustling of leaves in the wind filled the air.
Throwing her head back, Hu Tao released an exasperated sigh. “As bad as Gramps.”
“Gramps?” Lumine asked.
“Y’know, our funeral consultant, Mr. Zhongli.”
She glanced at Xiao warily. “How about let’s not badmouth Zhongli?”
“Eh, not like Xiao would know him anyway. He—"
“We are acquainted,” he said.
“Oh, are you now?” Skepticism laced her tone.
Xiao made no attempt to elaborate.
“Well, back to the topic at hand.” Hu Tao reached into her basket and pulled out…food? Charred to a crisp, it was impossible to tell what it should’ve been. “Since you don’t mind dying for the cause, how about you try this new dish I cooked? I think it might need a bit more—”
In a burst of green light, Xiao disappeared, almond tofu and all.
“—salt. Huh?” She spun around, searching for him. “I wasn’t done talking yet!”
A shudder ran down Lumine’s spine.
“Oh well, his loss.” Smiling, Hu Tao spun on her heel, suspicious dish in hand. “More for you, then.”
Lumine held back a gag. “Do I have to?”
“But of course! Isn’t that what friends do? Help each other out?” She held a bite up to Lumine. “Say, ‘Ah!’”
“Ah, no! I—” Suddenly, Lumine found herself on the top of the roof with Xiao. Hu Tao and her nightmarish meal were nowhere in sight.
“Annoying.” He sat down and dragged his plate into his lap, returning to devouring his dessert.
“Thanks for the save.”
“Think nothing of it.”
The wind whistled through the treetop.
Taking a seat, Lumine tucked a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. “Sorry about Hu Tao. Paimon spilled about the Chasm. After that, Hu Tao insisted on coming with me to check on you.
“She’s, uh, eccentric, but she cares. That’s why she—” Remembering Hu Tao’s morbid pep talk, Lumine winced. “She means well. …I think.”
“I know. She would not have stopped by if she did not. Her intentions are understood.” Fondness lined Xiao’s gaze as he nudged the almond tofu with the tip of his spoon. Huffing, he shook his head and swallowed a spoonful. “But she lacks tact. As usual, no respect for the adepti.”
Lumine hid her smile behind her hand. “None at all.”
He tilted his head towards her. “You said that we should watch out for one another, didn’t you? I cannot and will not recommend most of her cooking. It has the potential to slay even Rex Lapis.”
She barked out a laugh. “Somehow, I can believe that.”
The wind carried Hu Tao’s calls up to them.
Sighing, Xiao scraped up the last of his food. “Ignore her. She’ll climb up soon enough, as usual.”
“I guess.” She eyed his empty plate. “By the way, where’s the almond tofu from?”
“This?”
“Yeah. Hu Tao said it’s your favorite.”
He nodded. “It is the only dish of hers that I can recommend.”