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Today everything was the same as yesterday, and yesterday as the day before.
Only the faces of Akumas changed, the faces of her relatives and classmates didn’t change. The perception of certain faces has changed though.
But only in the direction of emptiness and lackluster.
Chronic fatigue from the need to fight at any time of the day or night, do homework when she had a moment for it, skip dinner because she is too tired and wake up too late to have time for breakfast. Be woken up in the middle of the lesson by her classmates’ laughter (and barely having time to stop herself from transforming into Ladybug out of fright in front of everyone with that).
Thus passed the months of her life, merging into years.
She stopped communicating with almost all her friends, – constant excuses from invitations and the need to lie didn’t help strengthen friendship. Only Chloe, perhaps, hasn’t given up on her yet and periodically dragged her to the SPA, where Marinette would instantly fall asleep to the measured tweets of her best friend and the soft massaging movements of skillful hands over her muscles, tired from lack of proper sleep.
Chloe didn’t seem offended.
Marinette might have thought that the blonde didn’t care if she listened to her or not, but her friend’s concerned looks told her that Chloe was basically dragging her there to make sure she slept, and even talked about the latest fashion updates in a quiet background noise for the same purpose.
And that was the form of care that Marinette was willing to accept.
Much worse were the reproachful glances of the teachers when she was late for a lesson or forgot notebooks at home, because they remained on the table where she had fallen asleep the night before while doing her homework.
Much worse were the worried looks from her parents who asked cautious questions to which she had no answer. And it made things even worse, because how do you explain to the loving parents why their sweet daughter is complained about at school and why she looks so sleepy when she is sent to bed early every evening.
Much worse was that her partner stopped bringing her flowers and giving her loving looks.
It wasn’t that she wanted the attention she couldn’t reciprocate. But that detached, thoughtful indifference that had accompanied Chat Noir in recent months was, again, much worse.
She couldn’t blame him, because in fact they both lived this life. The life of exhausted lackluster.
And he probably also had little sleep, trying to fit his civilian life with life under the mask, because in every fight he was next to her regardless of the time of day. And maybe he also forgot to eat on time, and he certainly had non-reciprocal feelings too and suffered because of them, – just like she did.
Or rather, Marinette seems to have stopped suffering from it. She just didn’t have the strength for it. It’s not that she’s resigned to the fact that Felix would never reciprocate her affection, but simply... her feelings have dulled in the same life lackluster...
Probably the same thing happened to her partner, but she never asked him about it. There was no energy for that either.
But everything changed in one single day, like lightning in a clear sky.
Or rather, literally, lightning.
The Akuma called themself Elucidator, and yelled something about how indifferent people had become and how their senses had become dulled. Much later, Marinette would learn that it was an employee of a huge company, experiencing a prolonged burnout and annoyed that none of the dozens of people in his department wished him a happy birthday.
But now she had to transform and defeat this very Akuma to get to that point.
Which turned out to be not that easy.
The Akuma flew over the city while standing on a small cloud and threw lightning at everyone who was within a radius of several meters from them, so it was impossible to attack them with close combat, and they deftly dodged Ladybug’s yoyo, too.
The heroine got close and swung her yoyo again to knock the Akuma off their feet, but they simply jumped on the cloud letting the magic thread pass under their feet, and immediately launched lightning at an attacker who hadn’t yet had time to retreat.
“Ladybug!” Chat Noir yelled, moving to intercept, it seemed, even before Marinette realized that a magical projectile was flying at her.
He managed to grab her and they even moved away, when the lightning flashed somewhere no longer nearby, but right around both of them, and the heroes rolled along the asphalt, turning over each other, – deafened by a flash of bright light.
Deafened, because Marinette’s vision only seemed to get brighter and the city noise receded into the background. And when Ladybug opened her eyes, closed in the fall, her partner lay on top of her, propped up on outstretched arms, looking at her the way… he had looked at her before.
Long time ago.
He seemed to come to his senses and jumped to his feet, instantly holding out his hand for her to help her up. Ladybug took his hand and stood up, and for a while they stood looking at each other, he – with love and adoration, she – with the joy of seeing so much life in his eyes again.
It was as if those months of endless depressive fog with changing-not-changing faces and constant fatigue never existed. As if they remembered how to feel, perceive emotions here and now – life in all its bright colors.
After all, what could be a more fascinating sight than the eyes of a man in love, happy that he can be next to his beloved?
It seemed that just to feel another person next to you – was enough for absolute happiness at that moment.
But it was only the result of Akuma’s influence.
Marinette hardly realized this, rather, only after a figure flying up to them on a cloud tried to grab her earrings, and her partner, – with an invariably happy face (probably protecting his beloved was part of the joy in his life), – grabbed the Akuma and cataclyzmed that pack of office paper, which turned out to be the solid foundation of the cloud.
As the dark butterfly flew upwards, Marinette wasn’t sure she would have caught it – she was still too engrossed in the feeling of joy from the human closeness next to her, – but her hands reflexively threw a yoyo towards the infected insect. And she habitually called for her powers – months and months of constant repetition in lackluster had taken their result on her body’s motor memory.
The stream of red insects vanished into thin air and the indignant birthday boy office worker was on the pavement next to them, as Ladybug and Chat Noir came to their senses. Before leaving, Marinette could see her partner’s face struggle between two states: habitual apathy, and his feelings revived in his memory.
She felt the same.
*
“Tell me, my la... Ladybug.” He spoke later that day, when they were sitting on the Eiffel Tower after the evening patrol. “Tell me, is it always unpleasant for you to see my…”
“No!” Ladybug readily responded without even letting him finish – she knew exactly what the question was about.
Marinette had half a day to think about that Akuma and realize how many emotions she pushed deep inside herself, how much she made her own feelings lose their luster and almost fade away, and if not for this lightning, she wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t have lived her whole life in the same apathy.
But now she no longer wanted to forget them. And she didn’t want Chat to forget his emotions either.
In the end, love is always an enlivening feeling, if it is for another and not for oneself.
After the fight, Marinette saw Felix at school, and her heart started beating faster again, like it happened before, and she wanted to go up to him and strike up a soft conversation, just to be next to him. And it seemed that he, too, was looking at her with lively eyes, and even with expectation, as if he, too, lacked her attention all these long months without luster.
Maybe he was also hit by the Akuma today and remembered how it felt to live?..
“I want to feel alive again.” Ladybug said firmly. “Like before. This Akuma reminded me that I could. We could.” She put her hand on her partner’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “I’m glad that I can evoke feelings in you if they fill you with happiness, Chat.” She added softly.
“I…” Chat Noir swallowed and his eyes shone with wet joy. “Thank you, my lady…” He said quietly, then thought a little and added with a barely noticeable smile. ‘I’ll be sure to bring flowers on our next date.”
Ladybug got up and poked him in the nose, – either reproachfully or playfully, – she wasn’t sure herself. “This isn’t a date, but a patrol!” She recalled.
But her eyes continued to shine with a happy luster.