Chapter Text
Simon is a lot of things.
He is cunning, and brave, and kind. And too soft. And yes, too prideful.
But the thing Simon is the proudest of being? Hardworking.
Simon Eriksson is no quitter.
He studies until his eyes sting, and then some more. He sings until he reaches the desired note. He gives people chance after chance until they get better. He pushes and pushes Wille until he gets him to leave him alone, until he realizes that’s not what he wants in the slightness, and then he pushes Wille, but to him, to be with him at their terms. Not his. Not Wille’s. Theirs.
Because yeah, the unimaginable happened. Wille and Simon are finally on the same page. Not only a page full of love and desire and wanting wanting wanting, but also full of understanding, listening, and reaching common ground.
They are boyfriends.
Full-on seriously publicly honest-to-god BOYFRIENDS.
Simon hasn’t still fully processed this. He’s taken by surprise every time Wille holds his hand in public. Every time he gets off the bus stop and Wille has decided to walk him to class, or waiting for him the days he has choir practice with a sandwich or tangerine for Simon if he knows he hasn’t had breakfast. Every time he will get the urge to simply kiss Wille on the cheek during lunch with the girls and he just… can, smiling at Wille’s confused flushing face every time.
But they also fight. Not with screams, or ill-intended comments, or leaving mid-argument like before. Simon had a hard time adapting to the life of a public figure; the official boyfriend of the Crown Prince, even if the public reacted relatively well, which Wille would never fully understand. The same way in which Simon will never fully understand the pressure Wille is under, along with his now diagnosticated anxiety.
This creates conflict from time to time.
However.
They are stronger now. What they have is stronger. Stronger and better in every possible way.
They communicate. They listen. And they learn.
As previously stated, Simon is no quitter. And Wille is the thing he is going to work harder to keep, because Simon will never get tired of his stupid laugh, of the comfort of his presence even across the room, the softest smile that he will send Simon every. single. time. he spots him in a crowded room, his silly jokes and his loser demeanor that is so fucking endearing Simon wants to cry sometimes.
Simon gets to keep this. Keep Wille. And its perfect.
They just have to work hard on the details.
Simon is finishing the last math problem for the evening when Wille breaks the comfortable silence they’d established for the last hour.
“Hey” Simon only hums in acknowledgement. Wille’s probably bored, most likely NOT finished with his own assignment but wanting Simon’s attention all the same.
“Simme?” He tries again from where he is sitting on his bed, back against the wall and books and textbooks all over the bedsheets. Simon hums again, not looking up from the book on the desk where he is seated. Because sitting with Wille has proven to be too much of a distraction (even Simon and his unshakable principles can’t deny those pouty lips).
He has now established a rule for when he stays over on schooldays: First homework, then pouty lips.
“I only have one problem left-”
“Can we talk?”
And Simon forgets all about math instantly. Because that’s Wille’s ‘I want to talk about something serious and I’m nervous about it’ voice.
And surely enough, Wille is picking on his nails in his lap, not looking straightforward -not looking at Simon. Okay. Not good.
“Are you okay?”
Simon stands up and sits close to Wille, mimicking his position against the wall.
“Yeah” But his voice its not his. He sounds really nervous, which makes Simon nervous. “I just… I wanted to say… I wanted to tell you something”
“Okay”
“I…” It’s clear to Simon that he’s too anxious to talk right now, not even looking at him once.
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“WHAT? NO!” Wille looks at him for the first time, which was exactly what Simon intended.
He smiles as warmly as possible at Wille “Then don’t be so nervous” He reaches for Wille’s hand and laces their fingers. “Whatever it is, you can talk to me. You know it.”
Wille seems to remember then who he’s talking to. He takes a deep breath, still looking at their intertwined hands. “I know. It’s just… I’ve never talked about this. Only with Boris. And,” He breathes shakily again “And I’m kind of scared”
Simon nods, understanding this has something to do with Wille’s mental health, which is never an easy subject, but they’ve gotten better at this. Simon tries to be understanding every time Wille brings it up, because Wille had confessed once that he feels he’s exaggerating, that he should be able to manage all his emotions and he’s weak for not having everything figured up (at 17????).
His sessions with Boris have really helped him with this sense of guilt, but it’s still a delicate subject.
“Well, I love you.” He says “And I’m here if you need to talk, always” He moves his other arm around Wille, knowing physical proximity always helps and grounds him. “But you don’t have to. I mean, if you’re not sure. Or ready”
Wille, like the cute cat he is, leans into Simon until they’re curled together, his face smashed against Simon’s shoulder. And maybe that’s easier for him, not looking directly at Simon.
“I know. I love you too” He’s quiet for a few seconds “I want you to know”
“Okay”
They are silent for a few seconds, Simon patiently stroking Wille’s hair.
“Are you- I mean…”Wille tks his tongue, as if he’s mad at himself. “Are you gay? Like 100% gay?”
Oh.
“Mm, yeah, babe. As gay as they come.” Is this a sexuality crisis? Not what Simon was expecting “But you already know that” He waits another few seconds, but Wille’s still silent, so he guesses “I thought you didn’t want to label your sexuality”
“I don’t” Wille answers quickly “I just… Okay.” And Simon knows a rant is coming. He likes that he can kind of predict Wille now. “So, I’m the happiest I’ve been. I have you, I have Felice and the girls, even Henry. I am doing okay at school,” Simon has to snort, because Wille’s definition of ‘okay at school’ was staring at Simon during class and barely passing all subjects. But he already has his path chosen for him so, no need for more than a barely pass, Simon guesses. “I’m finally more or less okay with being me” The Crown Prince, he means “now that my mum is okay with me being me, too” which is an understanding, but okay. “But I still felt something is missing”
And that makes Simon frown. He had thought they had finally told each other everything important. Has Wille been hiding some kind of discomfort from him? Because Simon wouldn’t put it pass Wille to hide he’s hurting under the pretense of keeping Simon happy. And he won’t have that.
“It was driving me crazy because I have everything I ever asked for. I didn’t want anything more. So I didn’t understand why I felt so much discomfort at random times.” Wille keeps talking. Maybe he thinks that he’ll lose his nerve if he stops. Simon’s head is already spinning because he has no clue where this is going and realizing your boyfriend has not been feeling great and he hasn’t even noticed is terrifying. “And I know what you’re thinking. I am happy.” And when Simon doesn’t respond “I promise. I’m happy and content most of the time. Its just… okay. Sometimes it’s feels like my body is not my body? I don’t really know how to express it. Like, I’ll come back here after a nice day and ‘I’ll be happy, but then I’ll suddenly feel so uncomfortable like I’m not entirely me. Or I shouldn’t be like I’m right now. ”
And then he stops talking. As if anything of what he just said made sense and Simon will magically understand everything that’s on his mind. Is this about selfhate?
Simon realizes Wille’s waiting for him.
“I… Wille, it sounds a lot like your unconscious can’t accept that you’re happy? Maybe? I am sorry, I’m not really following”
“We thought it could be that, when I first brought it up in my sessions.” He sighs, closing his eyes and rearranging his thoughts, obviously controlling his breathing (another improvement therapy has helped him with -he’s so much better at controlling his anxiety, not let it control him). Here comes the hardest part, it seems “Boris… He told me about gender dysphoria and it made perfect sense then. Do you know what that is?”
Oh. Simon finally gets it.
“Yeah” He has to choose his words carefully, cause this is, possibly, Wille coming out to him and he has to be supportive no matter what. “Is that what you’ve been feeling? Why you asked me if I’m gay?”
The arms around Simon squish him really hard before they’re gone and Wille is moving until he’s sitting in front of him. This is Wille trying to be brave even if it’s obvious he (?) (Simon doesn’t know if he should be using ‘him’ anymore) is scared to death.
“I don’t think I’m cis” Okay. Simon has already gathered that. Wille is looking into his eyes, eagerly looking for a reaction.
“Okay.” Simon smiles at him. He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to be saying, but he does know that he will support Wille no matter what, so he reaches for Wille’s cheek, who leans into the touch, into the comfort that Simon needs to provide right now. “Thank you for telling me.” Wille gives him a small smile, eyes still closed. “But… would it be okay if I asked you to elaborate on that?” Simon doesn’t know if he’s supposed to ask questions, but they feel necessary. “Just to know and understand better.”
Wille is already nodding before he’s finished talking.
“I’m not a girl.” Wille says it with confidence, which admittedly puts Simon at ease a bit. Because he’s so gay, and even if he’s completely in love with Wille, and would support Wille unconditionally, he’s not sure he’d be capable of dating a girl. Wille or not. “But I’m not entirely a boy.” A pause, thinking on how to say it “I’m more of a boy than a girl. But mostly something in between? But like 60% boy”
“Okay. I think I get it.” Wille sighs, clearly relieved with Simon’s reaction, and closes the distance to hug him again. They end up laying down, curled together. “So, what pronouns should I use?”
Wille takes a long time to answer. “ I think I like They/them, if that’s okay.”
“Wille. Of course it’s okay.” Wille is hidden their face into Simon’s neck, so he caresses the back of their head trying to ease their worry.
“I don’t mind He most of the time, either. I’d… I think I want to use Them and He.”
Simon nods, he can definitely do that. He feels a smile against his skin. “I think it really suits you.”
This gets Wille to get out of hiding, showing their beautiful smile and hopeful eyes “Really?”
“Yeah.” Simon’s fingers trace the scar below their eye, the scar that brought Wille to him. Wille eyes fall for a second, looking scared again. Which nonononono, Simon needs to make that smile appear again.
“I thought you only liked boys”
“I like you, stupid.” He raises himself and gives Wille a small peck to prove his point “but really, I’m not attracted to girls, fully. But only that. I would definitely date a… non-binary person?” A pause “Is that what you are? I’m sorry for assuming. Its totally fine if you don’t want to label this either. Sorry, I suck at this”
“No, no, no. It is.” Wille takes a deep breath before saying “I think I am non-binary.” Simon nods and there’s a pause where they just smile at each other “Wow. It’s the first time I’ve ever said it out loud.”
Simon smiles and hugs them again.
“And how does it feel?”
“It feels fucking amazing” they say giggling.
They stay like that for a while. Wille is probably just content with this, having Simon accept them is probably enough. Simon’s head is going in 20 different directions on how to go from here, but he lets Wille cling to that feeling for a bit.
His thoughts eventually win, but he’s sure this conversation needs to be longer and clearer.
“Okay, what more should I know?”
“Mm?” Wille is SO cute right now, almost groggy with contentment.
“Well, do you want me to use they/them pronouns for you in public? I wouldn’t want to out you”
“Oh” And that’s why Wille is the heart of their relationship, while Simon is the head. They have probably not even thought of that “no, I-“ They move so they can be laying on their sides, looking at each other but still curled together “I don’t think I’m ready for that. I want to tell Felice, too, and maybe Madison, but that’s it for now, I think. This is all so new it’s like…”
“You don’t have to give me any explanations, Wille. It’s your choice and your pace.”
Wille has the pout on his face that means they’re about to cry but doesn’t want to, and Simon lets them be.
“How did I bag the best boyfriend ever?” He finally says. Simon smiles and gives their nose a kiss.
“It’s the bare minimum, mi amor” Simon is liking that with every question he asks, Wille answers unsure but ends up smiling when he realizes it’s not too much for Simon. “And what about names? Do you like the gender-neutral, masculine or feminine? I mean, for example, should I still say you’re a prince?”
Wille makes a face “Honestly, it depends on the word. I hate Prince, but I think I’d hate Princess even more.”
“Got it, your highness” Simon says jokingly just to get Wille to smile again. It works. “And what should I call you? My… partner? Lover?”
That gets Wille to giggle
“No, I like boyfriend. Saying we’re boyfriends is nice” Simon sneaks a hand around Wille’s waist.
“It is nice”
“I don’t know" Wille is still timidly smiling, now with a hand caressing Simon’s neck while they follow it with their eyes. “It depends on the word. I started thinking about all this when Frederika told me I have babygirl energy, for some reason, and I was so fucking happy out of nowhere” He admits that with a voice that lets Simon know Wille already guessed they’re going to get a lot of teasing for this one later “Boris said that feeling is called gender euphoria?”
“Okay” They stay silent for a bit, because Simon knows this is being a big step for Wille, for them too, and he shouldn’t push much more for one day. “So, my boyfriend is a babygirl?”
Wille groans and hides their face in their hands, but even their ears are red and Simon is laughing at loud, Wille following quickly.
“What about in bed?” Wille stops laughing and looks at him confused “Well, I know for a fact that you like when I call you a good boy” Wille groans again, but this time they hide their face under Simon’s chin “Should I still use it?”
Wille takes a long time to answer, but it’s okay, they’re always just embarrassed to talk about this things until they’re turned on. Then they become so bold that Simon is the one left speechless, sometimes.
“I like it” He finally says “I also really like when you call me babe, too. Even though I prefer the ones you say in Spanish” Oh, yeah it makes sense. Simon had explained to them once that the petnames he used on Wille (mostly mi amor) were gender neutral “I think I don’t really mind term associated with boyishness, it’s the manly things that trigger me the most, I think. I know it’s weird but -”
“I think I get it.” Wille smiles at him so fondly, so loving, as if he’s making sure Simon knows they’re appreciating his reaction to everything. “So, trial and error? If I say or call you something you don’t like, tell me and we’ll look for a similar term you’re comfortable with?”
Wille is nodding excitingly, clearly content to leave this conversation for now.
“Thank you again for telling me, Wille” Wille tries to kiss him, but they’re smiling too much for it to be called a proper kiss. Simon lets them.
“Love you”
“Love you, babygirl”
“SIMON”