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all i want (is you)
Zoro is going to murder the cook. He is going to impale him with one of the icicles hanging from the railings of the Thousand Sunny, or better yet, he’ll shove the tree Nami insisted they have in the galley right up his ass and the blond nuisance can be the angel at the top. Or maybe, just maybe, Zoro will be merciful enough to hang Sanji by his neck from the lookout with the glitter coated garland Chopper had been so giddy about.
Either way, he’s a dead man.
Zoro stands beneath the threshold to the men’s quarters with his beloved captain, both of them staring up at the plant dangling above their heads. Sanji is rolling on the ground nearby, clutching his sides as laughter bubbles out of him.
“No.” Zoro says, to which Luffy pouts.
“Awe, c’mon Zoro! Where’s your Yuletide spirit? It’s just a kiss!” Zoro narrows his eyes at Luffy. “It’s not that big of a deal,” his captain insists.
“Have you ever even kissed anyone before, Luff?” Zoro asks. Without missing a beat, Luffy shakes his head.
“Nuh-uh,” Zoro’s face warms and he stomps a foot in protest.
“No, I’m not going to be the one to steal your first kiss, and under mistletoe of all things.” He argues. “Your first kiss should be with someone who means something to you,” Zoro says with a turn of his head to the side, eyes averted so as not to witness the crestfallen look crossing Luffy’s face. He crosses arms over chest, huffing as he does so.
“But you do mean something to me, Zoro!” Luffy insists, “please?” There’s a pang in Zoro’s chest that he can’t quite place. He almost refuses, but there’s a hint of something in Luffy’s voice that tells Zoro he really doesn’t mind if his first kiss is beneath mistletoe with his first mate. Meaningless, but not quite. At least, not to Zoro. This isn’t how he wants to steal Luffy’s first kiss, far from it, but he can’t come up with a good enough reason to deny him aside from, I don’t want to. And that reasoning could very well hurt his captain’s feelings. And…it was a bold faced lie. Zoro does want to kiss Luffy. He has wanted to kiss the pirate for a long, long time and here he was. The two of them standing beneath the perfect excuse and yet…
Zoro uncrosses his arms, glancing back to look at Luffy. Sanji is still lying on the ground, laughing like a hyena. Zoro decides he’ll deal with the cook later, right now all his focus is on Luffy. He leans into his captain’s space, careful to leave room for him to flee if he so chooses.
“You really want this?” Zoro asks, searching Luffy’s face for an answer,
“Yes.” Luffy breathes, beaming up at him.
“Fine.” Zoro grabs the collar of Luffy’s jacket, pulling the pirate to him and crashing their lips together. In an instant, Luffy’s one hand is resting against Zoro’s cheek, the other pressed against the bare skin of his chest beneath his jacket.
It wasn’t anything special. Just lips against lips, quick and simple and easy and something in the back of Zoro’s mind tells him that kissing Luffy shouldn’t be this easy. But it is, so he does. He kisses him longer than two friends beneath mistletoe probably should, and when this finally occurs to him and Zoro pulls himself from Luffy, he feels his captain’s fingertips drag across his skin. As if Luffy was trying to find purchase, to gain a grip and keep Zoro close, but to no avail.
They look at each other for a moment, and something unfamiliar flashes in Luffy’s eyes. As quick as it came it’s gone again and replaced by a broad grin. Luffy’s eyes crinkle at the corners as he smiles up at Zoro, the hand on his first mate’s face slow to pull away. Zoro leans into the touch as it drags across his cheek, savoring every second of it knowing full well that this would be the first and last time he would ever get the chance to kiss Luffy.
Zoro doesn’t register that Sanji’s laughter has died. Luffy doesn’t seem to notice either.
It started, as it always does, with one of Luffy’s bright ideas. This idea in question was decorating the Thousand Sunny for Yule. Now, Zoro will be the first to admit he wasn’t exactly conscious for most of the decorating of the Thousand Sunny, taking his crewmates distraction with Yuletide festivities as his cue to take a midafternoon nap. While Nami and Chopper dug up ornaments and decorations from well below deck, while Luffy and Franky and Usopp mapped out and hung the lights, while Robin went into discussing the history of Yule and how the holiday had transformed over the centuries, Zoro slumbered. Bundled up in a jacket and scarf with a hat pulled over his eyes to fend off against the light of day, he allowed the comforting darkness of sleep to pull him into its clutches.
He didn’t wake when Usopp’s crazy mechanism exploded, nor when Nami cursed Luffy to the high heavens for dropping a hammer near her, nor when Franky fell with a bang onto the deck from one of the ladders. No, Zoro only woke when he heard the tiniest tinkling of bells. The sound had him bolting upright and scanning the deck to glare at the one responsible for the sound assailing his ears.
Chopper, arms full of doodads, whats-its, and various jingling things, froze in place. If the reindeer could go pale, he would have. For his eyes locked on the angered form of Zoro and he promptly dropped the things in his arms, opened his mouth, and screamed.
“ZORO’S A VAMPIRE!” Now Zoro couldn’t begin to fathom what would give Chopper that idea, not until Luffy slingshotted himself from wherever he was to land next to the swordsman.
“No! Chopper! Zoro’s not a vampire, see?” Luffy slapped a hand against Zoro’s chest, bare beneath his jacket which was unzipped and hanging open. A cloud exploded from Zoro, sparkling in the faint few rays of sunlight that broke through a blanket of clouds overhead. Glitter. Zoro was coated in a layer of glitter.
“Oh.” Chopper, who was hiding rather poorly behind Robin, said. He took a few steps out from behind her and ran a hoof over the leg of Zoro’s trousers, it came back covered in glitter dust.
“Glitter is toxic to the local ecosystems, careful not to get any into the water,” Robin chided halfheartedly, Nami spoke next, stepping up next to her.
“Not to worry Robin! We got the biodegradable stuff,” she grinned brilliantly at the archaeologist who inclined her head and answered,
“Alright then,”
“Why, exactly, am I covered in glitter?” Zoro asked, his eyes scanning his crewmates. Franky and Usopp were across the deck working on some weird machine Zoro had never seen a day in his life, Sanji was nowhere to be found, not that it mattered to him any. Zoro decided to cast his accusatory expression on his captain who stood next to him with hands on his waist and a broad smile on his face.
“It’s from the garland, see?” Luffy gestured overhead, and Zoro glanced up. Lights and garland and tinsel alike vertically lined the posts of the sail and lookout, extending horizontally across them at the top. The smile was still on his face, and as frustrated as Zoro was, he could only manage to huff and nod his head.
“Yeah, I see.” He sighed, his eyes shifting from the decor to the clouds overhead and the wind passing through. The Grand Line had developed a bone deep chill, snow was a regular occurrence in place of rain, and most of the crew was bundled up in warmer attire. Luffy was sporting a jacket, red in color and puffy like a marshmallow. Nami had something fur lined, expensive, exquisite in taste. Her hair was pushed into a fur lined cap that matched her coat. Robin’s jacket was long, down past her knees, her hands were stuffed in her pockets and her face half hidden by a scarf.
Chopper and Franky were dressed as normal, one having the coat of a reindeer and the other being a cyborg, they were hardly affected by the cold. Occasionally Franky would move a little slower from the temperature, but it was nothing he couldn’t handle. Usopp had crafted a helmet that acted as a space heater, everything within a six foot radius of him was warmed as was his entire body. His wild hair stuck out on either side of the helmet as it rested on his head, strapped beneath his chin.
“Where’s Sanji? I’m getting hungry!” Luffy commented, and as if on cue, the cook kicked open the door to the galley, standing there in all his usual splendor. He hadn’t bothered with any winter gear, clad in his black on black attire save for one new accessory. A headband, resting in golden locks with a spring swaying from one side to the next, protruding from the center of said headband. Attached to the end of the spring, was a sprig of mistletoe.
“Oh Nami dear!” Sanji called, hearts in his eyes and a smile on his face. Nami rolled her eyes as Sanji approached her, lips puckered.
“Not a chance.” She said, taking a few steps back. With every step back, Sanji took a step forward.
“Just one kiss!”
“No!” The navigator bolted and Sanji gave chase. He could easily catch her if he wanted to, she knew this, he knew this, the entire crew knew this, but Sanji wasn’t about to make her kiss him against her will. He merely liked the chase, and if Nami’s laughter was any indicator, she had fun being chased on occasion too.
“Why do they have to kiss?” Chopper asked, glancing up at Robin in search of an explanation. The archaeologist patted his head,
“Because of the mistletoe,” she explained, Chopper tilted his head and wrinkled his nose. Luffy mirrored his expression.
“What’s mistletoe?” The captain asked,
“It’s a leathery-leaved parasitic plant. In various cultures throughout the world it has both metaphysical and physical properties. In recent centuries it has come to represent fertility, vitality, and romance. Hence why Sanji wears it above his head. When two are caught passing beneath it, they are supposed to kiss.”
Chopper squealed, clasping a hoof on either side of his face, his cheeks were most certainly flushed from embarrassment. His eyes wide with horror as he exclaimed, “KISS?!”
“Yes,” Robin answered, amusement laced in her tone. “Kiss.”
Zoro hadn’t seen the look of longing on Luffy's face, nor the devilish smirk that made itself home on Sanji's. He'd been blissfully unaware of what it was the cook had planned, but after their kiss, Zoro made it a point to check above his head almost constantly, ensuring he doesn’t dare to walk into a room at the same time as another crewmate.
“So what’s everyone want for Yule?” Nami asks, a forkful of food hovering in front of her mouth.
“I could do for that kiss, Nami,” Sanji jests, a laugh escaping as he says it. Nami rolls her eyes and shifts her attention to Robin.
“I could do for an updated set of encyclopedias,” she offers, Nami wrinkles her nose.
“You don’t want anything fun?” Robin shrugs, rolling her head to the side as she does so,
“I find learning fun, knowledge is power after all,” Nami redirects her attention to Luffy,
“What about you Luff? What do you want for Yule?” There’s a smile on Luffy’s face that doesn’t reach his eyes. It has worry spiking in Zoro’s chest but he washes it down with a sip of water.
“Nothing anyone can get for me.” He says, “So in place of it, I’ll take your guys' happiness. Easy enough, right?” The grin doesn’t falter, but it doesn’t become anymore genuine either.
“Then I suppose you’re all taken care of,” Nami remarks, “I know I’m happy,” she glances around the table, “guys?” There’s a resounding chorus of agreement and Luffy’s eyes crinkle, the smile finally becoming truer. Still, there’s a pit in Zoro’s stomach and he can’t help but wonder why Luffy didn’t tell them what he really wants. What could he want that he couldn’t have? Zoro resolves to ask him about it later that night, when it’s just the two of them without prying eyes or ears.
Zoro doesn’t get the chance to ask Luffy. He’s left to his own devices in the lookout that night, usually halfway through Luffy would come stumbling in and take up residence next to him. Half asleep, the captain would rest his head on Zoro’s shoulder and slip blissfully back into unconsciousness. This night was different, this night Luffy never showed and Zoro was left to think about earlier that afternoon when their lips had touched. He could almost feel it, Luffy’s lips against his. If he let himself dwell on it for too long, Zoro would start to pick apart the unlabeled emotion that flashed in Luffy’s eyes when he pulled away. Something…empty? No, not quite. Something…unfulfilled? Unrequited maybe,
Zoro stares up at the stars, this night the clearest it's been in a long while. He counts the stars, numbering them in his head as he shifts his gaze from the depths of the night sky to the reflection of it upon the sea’s waters. Usopp comes to relieve him at some point and Zoro can’t help but feel cold beneath his jacket, especially on the side Luffy usually rests his head.
He finds his captain the following morning where he always is, seated on the figurehead of the ship, staring out at the ocean. Luffy hears him approach and greets him with a soft, “Hey Zoro,” without so much as turning his head. Zoro leans against Sunny, staring out at the ocean with his captain.
“What do you want for Yule, Luff?” he asks, and Luffy huffs a laugh.
“Nothing anyone can get me,” He says, Zoro looks up at him.
“Not even me?” This question is what pulls Luffy’s attention from the horizon to stare down at his first mate.
“If anyone can get me what I want, it’s you.” He admits, Zoro smiles up at him.
“So what is it then? Will you tell me?” Luffy uncrosses his legs and slides down Sunny’s head, landing in front of Zoro. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks up at Zoro. The unnamable sentiment flashes across his face again, this time longer than it had when they had stood beneath the mistletoe.
“No, I don’t think I will. If I get what I want, I want it to happen naturally. Not by prompting or planting the idea,” Zoro doesn’t understand what Luffy means, yet at the same time a part of him fully understands. What Luffy wants isn’t a materialistic item, it’s so much more than that. A matter of the heart, Zoro recognizes, he just can’t fathom what matter of the heart it could be.
He spends the week leading up to the winter solstice mulling it over, trying to figure out exactly what it is that Luffy would want that Zoro of all people could get for him. He hasn’t uttered a word of their talk to anyone, let alone their kiss, the only soul on the ship who knows about that has been preoccupied with meal prep for the solstice feast.
Zoro spends his nights alone in the lookout, Luffy’s absence becoming a trend. One that Zoro, admittedly, hates. Not just that, either. Luffy has started to keep his distance on deck. He doesn’t launch himself from one side of the ship to the other counting on Zoro to catch him. He hasn’t thrown himself at Zoro in a show of childish dramatics. He hasn’t so much as really looked in Zoro’s direction, and Zoro can’t stand it. The pit that settled in his stomach days ago becomes heavier and heavier until it feels like he’s drowning above water. He paces the ship in search of Luffy, intent on confronting him.
Zoro throws open the door to the kitchen, the first place he thinks Luffy might be, especially when Sanji is cooking dinner. He isn’t, the only one Zoro finds is Sanji slaving away over a stove. “Looking for Luffy?” Sanji asks, a knowing edge to his voice.
“Mind your business,” Zoro snaps. Sanji wipes his hands on the towel tossed over his shoulder and turns his attention to Zoro.
“Our Captain’s business is my business, and right now his business involves you, Mosshead.” Sanji snaps back. “So are you looking for him or not?” the cook huffs, glaring at the first mate. Zoro throws up his hands in exasperation.
“Yeah, curly-brow, I am. What’s it to you?” Sanji, seemingly satisfied by Zoro’s admission, turns back to the stove. He stirs a simmering pot of something that smells delicious, not that Zoro would ever admit it.
“Captain’s been acting awfully strange ever since…” Sanji trails off, but Zoro knows exactly what the cook is alluding to. Since their kiss. Zoro can’t bring himself to argue because deep down he knows it’s true. Something changed then, something Zoro couldn’t put a finger on. There was a shift between them, Zoro and Luffy. Or maybe that shift was more of a rift. The two of them standing on either side of an ever widening chasm. Zoro was reaching out, knowing full well that all Luffy had to do was stretch himself across to bridge the gap. Luffy, on the other hand, was turning his back on Zoro. He wouldn’t even try to cross the chasm, not with Zoro’s hand open and waiting for him.
“Yeah,” Zoro agrees, “he’s been…avoiding me. I should have—” he huffs, running a hand across his nape. “I should have held my stance. Been firmer with my no.” Sanji grunts in response,
“I don’t know if that would have helped either. I think no matter what would have happened that day it would have led the two of you here.” But where was here ? Where did they stand? Who had pushed too hard and who hadn’t pushed at all? Were they fighting? Were they mad at each other? Zoro didn’t think so, he holds no animosity towards his captain and yet…and yet there’s a white hot something burning through him. An inferno of emotion threatening to consume him if he doesn’t confront Luffy about whatever it is that’s got him turning tail and running at the sight of him.
“You know what he wants for Yule, right?” Sanji ask, pulling Zoro from his thoughts.
“Do you?” He counters because it’s all he can think to say. Sanji casts a look over his shoulder at Zoro, and that look tells him that Sanji does know. Sanji knows and he’s not willing to tell and that infuriates Zoro.
“Fine!” He pivots on his heel, turning for the door. As it swings close behind him, Zoro can just hear Sanji say,
“He’s in the library!”
It was a genius hiding place, Zoro would never have guessed that Luffy was hiding from him in the library. Low and behold, he was. Luffy was curled up in a chair near Robin who was flipping through a book in a language Zoro couldn’t begin to decipher. The archaeologist sees him coming well before Luffy does, her eyes flickering from Zoro to Luffy and back and Zoro nods his head. Quietly, she closes her book and sets it aside, rising from her chair to excuse herself from the library.
“Luff?” Zoro asks. He receives no response, Luffy is fast asleep in his chair. Carefully, Zoro crosses the room and kneels down in front of Luffy. He nudges his captain and again says, “Luff?”
Luffy cracks open an eye but upon seeing Zoro both fly open. He jolts upright, knocking his head into Zoro’s from the close proximity. The two grab their respective heads and reel back, Luffy hisses in pain.
“Zoro! You startled me!” he lets out a laugh, but it's a hollow thing. Zoro wonders when happiness left it. A part of him says it’s your fault. You shouldn’t have kissed him. He regrets it and it’s your fault.
“Sorry, I came to…check on you.” Zoro admits. He’s sitting back on his heels, still kneeling in front of Luffy’s chair. They’re staring at each other and Zoro watches as Luffy’s eyes shift from his face to the door. That white hot something bubbles in the pit of his stomach, beneath his skin. It’s a sickening crawling feeling, an itch he can’t scratch, a fever he can’t sweat out.
“I’m fine, really.” Luffy insists, but he doesn’t look fine. He looks tired, like maybe he hasn’t slept in a few days. There are dark purple bruises beneath his eyes that Zoro knows didn’t come from a fight because they haven’t encountered anyone in weeks that would be able to land such a blow to his captain.
“You’re lying,” Zoro says softly. He meant to say it harsher, firmer, stronger. He meant to say it with authority, like a first mate would to his captain, but he couldn’t. Right now, safe behind closed doors, they weren’t first mate and captain. They were Zoro and Luffy.
“I’m not .” Luffy insists. He drops the facade, there’s no smile on his face or humor in his voice. His brow is furrowed and his eyes are narrowed and he looks borderline angry.
“Really?” Zoro challenges, “then why have you been avoiding me?” Luffy’s face burns a brilliant shade of pink and it takes everything in the swordsman not to go ah-hah!
“I-I haven’t!” Luffy argues, “I’ve just been…busy.” Zoro glances around the library then back to Luffy still in the chair. He quirks a brow, the corners of his lips tugging upwards in a smile.
“So busy,” Zoro says dryly. He gestures to his captain, “clearly.” Luffy huffs, rising to his feet. Zoro follows his movements. Luffy glares up at Zoro, their height difference evident in their proximity. They were nearly chest to chest, Luffy’s hands at his waist as he sized Zoro up.
“I have!”
“Yeah? With what?” Zoro leans bakc and crosses his arms over his chest, the amused look still present on his face as he assesses Luffy. The captain’s eyes flicker from Zoro to the door again, and rather than answering his first mate Luffy makes a run for it.
Zoro’s having none of it. As soon as Luffy’s arm is grabbing the doorframe, Zoro’s hand is wrapping around his other wrist. He’s pulled along by Luffy’s power, just managing to grab hold of the doorframe himself to stop Luffy from stretching away any further. He reaches around the pirate, pulling the door closed and crowding Luffy against it.
“Luffy!” He barks out. “Talk to me! What the hell is going on?”
Luffy’s eyes flit from one side to the next, looking anywhere but at Zoro. His hand reaches for the door handle, but Zoro grabs it before he’s able and pins both of Luffy’s hands against the door. They're pinned on either side of his head, Zoro's fingers interlocked with his to keep him locked in place. Luffy’s breath hitches when he looks at Zoro, no—he’s not looking at Zoro, he’s looking above him. Zoro glances up to see another sprig of that accursed plant hanging above them.
“Mistletoe,” Luffy murmurs, “we…we don’t have to. We already did.” He says. Zoro returns his attention to Luffy, examining his face. Luffy seems anxious and on edge, like he'd rather be anywhere than here.
“If you want to, I don’t mind.” Zoro finds himself saying as he leans in ever-so-slightly. His gaze shifts from Luffy’s eyes to his lips and back, searching between the two for an answer.
“I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to,” Luffy’s voice is soft, fragile. He sounds breakable and Zoro’s grip on his hands tightens to something bruising, Luffy doesn’t protest.
“Luff,” Zoro breathes, “I want to.” Luffy looks at him finally, his cheeks flush and eyes heavy lidded.
“Okay,” he whispers,
“Okay?” Zoro asks, “what do you want, Luffy? Do you want me to kiss you?” Luffy nods his head and weakly says,
“Yes,”
Zoro leans in further, pressing his lips to Luffy’s. Luffy isn’t a good kisser, messy at best, but he’s eager and pliant, allowing Zoro to take the lead. The longer they kiss, the better he gets. Zoro has always known Luffy to be a fast learner, but he had never considered how that skill of his would apply to other aspects of his life. At first, it was all closed mouth ministrations with a few pecks scattered in. Until Zoro presses his knee between Luffy’s legs pulling a sound from his captain he had never heard before, it vibrates against his lips, breathy and whiny. The sound sets Zoro on fire and closed-mouth kisses turn to sloppy opened-mouthed ones. When their tongues meet, Zoro knows there is no going back. This isn't some kiss between friends beneath mistletoe and if Zoro is being honest with himself, it never was to begin with.
His grip on Luffy’s wrists loosen until his hands are sliding down his arms and to his waist. Luffy’s arms wrap around Zoro’s neck and all sense of reasoning leaves Zoro’s brain. He grips at Luffy’s waist, sliding his hands further down and around until they're kneading and working the firm muscles of Luffy’s ass. As if his captain could read Zoro’s mind, Luffy raises one leg. Zoro grips the back of his thigh and as he lifts, Luffy jumps, wrapping his legs around Zoro’s waist.
The swordsman feels the firm press of something against his abdomen when he leans Luffy against the door again, using it to help support him. He wants to touch, to feel, to stroke. He wants to hear Luffy’s whines, to discover how needy they can sound, how low his voice can drop. Zoro wants to watch Luffy’s face, see the flush on his cheeks and feel his body tense against him when he comes.
But not now. Not yet.
Zoro trails kisses along Luffy’s jawline pulling low moans and earning a tug to his hair. “Zoro…” and by the gods does his name sound good when Luffy says it like that. There’s the creaking of a floorboard followed by the sound of Nami and Usopp’s voices on the other side of the door.
“Last I saw he was passed out in the library, maybe he’s still here.” Usopp offers, Nami’s annoyed groan sounds from the other side.
“Well what the heck is he doing up here for? I don’t even think he can read!” Zoro catches sight of the pout on Luffy’s face, hears the faint “ I can read” uttered under breath. He peels himself away from his captain, gently setting Luffy down and taking a few steps back.
Luffy stares at Zoro, his back still pressed to the door, his hand slowly reaching for the handle. Zoro doesn’t say anything, Luffy doesn’t either. They only break eye contact when Luffy opens the door, slipping backwards through it and closing it behind him.
This time, halfway through his shift as look out, Luffy stumbles into the observation room. He’s half asleep, same as always, and plops himself down next to Zoro. Luffy leans his head against his first mate’s shoulder like he always does. It’s as if the past week hadn’t happened at all. As if they hadn’t kissed not once, but twice and the second wasn't more heated than the first. As if Zoro hadn’t pressed Luffy against the door with every intention of being his first everything should Luffy let him. No, none of that. Things felt…normal. Or as normal as they could be.
In Luffy’s sleepy state he mumbles, “Zoro?”
“Yeah?” The first mate asks,
“You still wanna know what I want for Yule?” Zoro huffs a chuckle.
“Yeah, I do.” Luffy shifts, pushing himself off of Zoro to look up at him. Zoro glances down at Luffy,
“All I want is you,”
The white hot something living in Zoro ignites, rising all the way to his cheeks as he stares down at Luffy. He smiles softly when he says, “I want you too, Luff.”
Luffy beams at him, bright and blinding and full of life. It reaches his eyes, it reaches everywhere. Zoro can’t help but lean in and press his lips to Luffy’s forehead, then his nose, then his lips. Gentle and sweet and when their lips meet there's a nagging thought in the back of Zoro's mind that says, maybe the cook can live after all.