Chapter Text
Could it be that all my sympathy for you is an order from this madwoman? I don't know, and I honestly don't want to know.
My life had always been about consistency, lonely evenings stretching on forever, a computer with basic, for a normal teenager, games.
But when you came along, my routine disappeared.
I suddenly realized that permanence was an incredibly boring and meaningless thing. I wanted to be there, not imposing, only occasionally asking for a little attention. I didn't care about that guy with the long hair, I couldn't even be jealous. Do you know why? I subconsciously knew it wasn't my right to control you.
I like to sit next to you or across from you and watch.
Watching you talk, smelling your scent. It's a little different from human scent, if only because you smell of wet earth and metal.
Metal, that's because you print your novel on metal equipment, but why earth... hmm, I don't know, but the theory that you acquired such perfume just to be shunned sounds pretty justified.
And, you know, you're not the only one I like.
I like Thursdays, migrating birds, books, libraries, trains and the smell of them, I like streams in the woods, and also bird nests. They're damn tasty. I like raspberry jam and the smell of damp, big cloth bags, yes such that they fit part of my room. I like throwing things around and not cleaning for weeks, I like watching old shows that have a laugh in the background after every joke.
I like pictures of my mom. There aren't many, but I can smell her. It's a smell that won't wear off anytime soon. Actually, I wanted to tell you from the moment I realized. But she said no.
Maybe what I feel for you is just a delusion of my heated personality. A clouded mind that is no longer mine.
But I remember your kiss clearly.
It's soft, too human for you, too ordinary for a strange girl from Nevermoor.
Maybe I don't know how to love, and how can I even say what words usually can't convey?
But after all, I squint, I stutter, I laugh, I tuck my hair behind my ear, I make mistakes, I sometimes fail at jokes, I quickly become attached and sympathetic to anyone who has ever treated me well.
So why am I not human? I'm not a monster, I'm not an animal that only needs to kill, but I'm not human either, so what am I? Who's going to tell me?
Okay, because all that matters to me is your opinion, so what am I to you?