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The blast radius of whatever primal screech that escaped her had almost completely obliterated everything in its path. Except her . No, them. With the settling of the sand and the dust, the piercing sun like a judgemental gaze upon the back of her neck, Imogen looked through the destruction to where she’d last seen Laudna, afraid that she’d been torn apart like the cracked stone and steel around her. She was still there, her body, but not her. They couldn’t bring her back. A part of Imogen wished that the blast had taken herself with it.
But then she was back, those black as ink eyes looking up at Imogen with fear, confusion, relief, joy, pain. And more than that she could feel her again, hear her the way that only Imogen could. Everything was worth it if it meant that beautiful melody could wind its way through her mind again, tangle itself in the strings of thoughts that coagulated themselves into an overwhelming sludge, and in doing so bring her a reprieve from the cacophony. It was a power that only Laudna had, a power far greater than anyone in their group could wield. But right now she needed to be there for Laudna, she’d done her part to be there for Imogen.
Imogen wouldn’t go a day without appreciating that Laudna was still by her side. Every night she feared that she’d see her familiar figure walk into the red storm. Every day she’d take every touch, every smile, every “Darling” said in that tone of hers. She could and would never get enough. However, something else was lingering in her mind as well, and she knew Laudna was aware of it, though they hadn’t really discussed it yet. Laudna was good like that, not pushing things until Imogen brought it up in her own time.
Imogen sat quietly on their bed in whatever inn the Bells Hells had decided to hole up in that night. She couldn’t remember the name, nor did she really care. She was tired, worried, confused about her mother. But that wasn’t the thing that had been scratching at the back of her skull since the battle with Otohan. She looked up to watch Laudna as she was twirling around the room, adding the little home decorations she brought with them on their travels. Always making a place feel like home, that was Laudna. A soft, sweet melody spilled quietly from Laudna’s breath, absentminded and comforting. Imogen couldn’t help the small smile that broke out on her tense face, shaking her head at herself as she looked back down at the bedsheets.
“Darling, everything alright?” Laudna asked, sending her a concerned glance as she pinned a dark floral garland over the top of the window.
Imogen sighed and leaned back in the bed, looking down at her hands and picking at her fingers. “Yeah, yeah. Just… stuff on my mind, y’know.” The slopes of her accent came out especially rough into the warm quiet of the room.
Laudna clapped the dust from her hands as she finished up and gave a self satisfied nod to the now homey inn bedroom. She gently sat herself on her side of the bed, pulling Imogen’s head into her lap and beginning to brush her lilac strands of hair out of her face. Imogen’s eyes closed and she let out a heavy breath, like she’d been holding it in all day. “There you go, dear. Let it out,” Laudna quietly murmured, smiling down at her beloved as she traced her face with her long, gentle fingers. “If you want to talk about anything I am more than happy to listen.”
The warmth that filled Imogen pushed tears into her eyes for a reason she couldn’t discern. As an instinctual defense, she closed them and turned to hide her face in Laudna’s stomach. Laudna kept stroking her hair, patient, quiet. Eventually, Imogen’s muffled voice, “I destroyed everything.”
“Hm? What do you mean?” Laudna asked, confused and concerned.
Imogen turned to look back up at her, no tears having fallen, but the shine of her eyes reflecting her fears. “That day, when you… When I saw you…” Imogen took a deep breath, blinking quickly. Laudna nodded, so Imogen continued. “I don’t think you saw it, because of what happened, but… I screamed and there was this huge blast of power or somethin’.” As she spoke her voice grew steadier, less shaky. She needed to get this out. “It was pure white, and when I could see again, everything around us, the buildings, it was all destroyed.” Laudna was still listening quietly, holding her but not crowding her, giving her room to continue, so she did. “A-and Laudna when I saw that, what I’d done, I was almost sure that I’d ripped you apart as well, and the others, a-and I don’t understand how I- how you’re all- or what even happened I don-”
“Hey, hey,” Laudna quieted as she pressed her hand onto Imogen’s chest, reminding her to breathe. Imogen reached up and grabbed her hand tightly, a few tears falling down the side of her face and into her ears as she gazed up at the woman she loved, holding onto her like a lifeline. Laudna used her free hand to brush the tears away, soothing, “I’m here. We’re here, together.”
Imogen nodded, sniffling then shaking her head at herself. “No, yes, you’re right. I know that. I do, trust me, I know you’re here. I can feel you again and that’s just the best thing in the world. But… I don’t understand what I did. How did I do that? Not just destroyin’ everything, but how was I able to keep you all safe while I did it? What if it happens again and I can’t, Laudna? What if I…” Imogen wanted to tear her eyes from Laudna’s, the shame and guilt for an action she had yet to commit forcing its way up her throat.
Laudna held her gaze, tracing a cold finger along the outline of Imogen’s jaw, up the cleft of her chin to her plump bottom lip, then even further to give her an unexpected boop on the nose, causing Imogen to blink confusedly for a moment, shocked out of the dark place her mind was leading her. “Imogen, I have the utmost confidence that you would never do anything to hurt me, or any of us for that matter. Well, maybe Chetney, but he would probably deserve it,” Laudna said with a confident, caring smile.
Imogen couldn’t help but smile back, curling herself tighter into Laudna. “Thank you, Laudna, but I’m worried that’s not enough.” She was worried that she would become too much for Laudna, no, for herself to handle.
“Well, I know it is. Let me ask you this.” She pulled Imogen closer as she asked, “Were you in full control of yourself when you did that crazy amazing magical blast thing?” Laudna’s eyes widened as she described the blast, the way they did when she was describing something cool or exciting or dangerous or scary, her free hand mimicking an explosion.
Imogen thought for a second, but all she could remember from the moment was Laudna. Seeing her, then the scream, then the white. All she could remember was the pain. “I-I don’t know. I know that I saw you, and I screamed. The loudest scream I’ve ever screamed.” The memory echoed through her mind and through her chest. “It all just came out I guess. I don’t know. But I didn’t like, think to myself ‘destroy all these buildings’ or anything. It just… happened.” Imogen worried her bottom lip with her teeth, struggling against the fear that wouldn’t quite leave her.
Laudna nodded, contemplating the information quietly for a moment, before concluding, “See, even when you lose control you can’t bring yourself to hurt those you love. That’s just who you are, Imogen.” She punctuated the statement with a soft kiss to Imogen’s forehead.
The kiss had brought her back to the moment with a languid electricity that flowed to a subtle blush in her cheeks. Imogen smiled, still unsure of herself, of everything going on, but warm and comfortable in Laudna’s embrace. She muttered an uncertain “Maybe…” before she decided to focus on where they both were then and there, and to try to leave the worrying for the next sunrise. It’d been a long enough day anyway. “Gosh, I’m so glad I didn’t hurt you, and that you’re here with me,” Imogen hummed as she brought the hand she’d been holding up to her own lips, returning the kiss to the back of Laudna’s hand.
“There’s nowhere I’d rather be.” Laudna’s radiant smile and deep, dark eyes shone so heavily with her love for Imogen that she had no choice but to believe her, and maybe that meant she was right.