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"I said there's no need!" Yuuji exclaims, but it doesn’t deter his brother from going through with his self-proclaimed brilliant idea.
"Shut up brat, let the expert show you how it's done," Sukuna says while snatching his little brother's phone. "Let's get you a date, virgin."
"I'm not a virgin!" Yuuji protests.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say."
"I'll give you 20 bucks if you actually succeed," Nobara cuts in. She’s snacking on some gummy bears while watching the whole scene unfold from the sidelines, letting the two brothers bicker by themselves.
"Make it 50. I'm getting him a match by tonight."
Sukuna swiftly downloads the dating app onto Yuuji's phone and creates a new account for him. He's not doing this out of the kindness of his heart, no. He's doing this because he's sick of his brother's whiny ass constantly crying about not having a boyfriend. Dating skills clearly don't run in the family, and Yuuji is a lost cause, but nothing a half-decent profile on a dating app can't solve, right?
Or so Sukuna thinks. He's never had to use one himself, but desperate times call for desperate measures, in this case resorting to modern technologies to get his brother a date.
"Choose your best picture for the profile, brat."
Yuuji scrolls through his gallery for a few minutes, his face giving away that he's not fully satisfied with any of the pictures he's seeing. Then finally, he lights up. "This one!"
Sukuna snorts. "This is your best picture? Are you fucking with me?"
Nobara's interest piqued, she gets closer to the screen to take a look. "Dude, you'll stay a virgin forever."
"I'm not a virgin! And what's wrong with the picture?"
"It'd be easier to ask what isn't," Nobara says. "Of all pictures, you choose one where you can clearly see Todou right next to you. And what's with this outfit?"
"You guys are so mean," Yuuji looks dejected.
"Fine," Nobara sighs. "Sukuna, get some of your clothes. It's photoshoot time!"
"And why the fuck do I have to lend him my clothes?" Sukuna complains but eventually gets up nonetheless. Anything so the peace in this house will be restored once Yuuji finally gets his dick wet.
Sukuna and Nobara team up to get Yuuji some acceptable photos they wouldn't get secondhand embarrassment from. Yuuji is the spitting image of Sukuna with a worse hairstyle (in Sukuna’s words), so of course, he would never look bad. Let Sukuna pick his outfit and he can look okay. Not as good as Sukuna, in his opinion. But maybe enough to woo some stranger on a dating app.
The pictures turn out nice and they finally start setting up Yuuji's profile.
"Academic background, job... better leave that out entirely," Sukuna mutters while typing away. "Hey, what are your hobbies brat?"
"I like watching TV."
Sukuna looks at him dumbfounded. "Really? Give me something more exciting."
"Fine, ok, I like cooking too. And I'm good at sports. Make sure to add that, Kuna!"
"Alright, calm your tits. What's your type?"
"Like blood type?"
"The type of man you want to fuck, idiot," Nobara clarifies, already thinking this might've been a terrible idea.
"Just someone who's kind and honest, I guess."
If looks could kill Yuuji wouldn't be breathing by now from Sukuna's glare alone. "I'm starting to believe I might lose this bet."
"If you lose you owe me 50 bucks," Nobara smirks.
After excruciating hours of trying to make Yuuji's profile as attractive as possible—which was a feat in itself—the three of them are on the couch munching on leftover pizza, phone set on the coffee table, waiting for a notification that might never come by the looks of it.
"I tried, brat. You're just hopeless-"
Suddenly, the phone vibrates, and the three of them jump at the sound. Yuuji quickly unlocks the screen to reveal a notification from the dating app saying he's got a match. A match? A match!
"Holy fuck," Sukuna says in disbelief.
No way. There's no way in hell his stupid little brother just scored someone this insanely good-looking. The man on the other side sucks at taking pictures even more than Yuuji, but his beauty is apparent despite that. Forest green eyes, wild black hair, fair skin, features that go together perfectly. Simply put, he's stunning. And hot as fuck, Sukuna thinks.
No way his little brother just matched with someone ten times more beautiful than any of Sukuna's hookups.
Sukuna reads over the profile displayed on the screen: Megumi Fushiguro, 21, college student, studying to become a vet, looking for a nice person to chat with.
"Give me the phone, brat," he says, already snatching the phone from Yuuji's hands before he has a chance to complain.
"What are you doing?!"
"Let me do the talking, you'll fuck this up," Sukuna says, but it's half an excuse, half ulterior motives.
Sukuna is readying himself to send a private message to Megumi when he sees the three dots showing that the other person is typing. His eyes are glued to the screen waiting for a message when suddenly it comes. A simple 'Hey' is all it takes before they start talking and talking and talking for hours.
It begins with Sukuna being a flirt—as he usually is with his dates—but then he realizes the same strategy might not work on Megumi. The flirtatious remarks do earn him a few shy slash annoyed responses from Megumi though, which Sukuna finds endearing.
The conversation goes on until the late hours of the night. They talk about their favorite movies, Megumi mentions his favorite books, how he loves animals, and that he owns two dogs. Sukuna talks about his own pet cat and stories from his part-time job, occasionally dropping a compliment or a ridiculous pickup line, hoping to get a reaction out of Megumi, who delivers every time, putting a smile on Sukuna's face.
They never run out of topics to talk about, in fact, sometimes it's hard to keep up with the conversation because they have so much to say.
Sukuna doesn't stop looking at the phone until he notices his eyes becoming heavier. Then he looks to his side, realizing Nobara and Yuuji have fallen asleep watching a movie. Wait, when did they fall asleep?
Megumi and Sukuna say their goodnight wishes to each other, promising to continue the conversation the next day.
And they keep their promise.
The next day, as soon as he hears the notification sound from Yuuji's phone, Sukuna steals it from him.
"Hey! That's mine," Yuuji complains.
"I'm borrowing it."
Yuuji pouts. "That's supposed to be my date, you know."
This goes on for days. Megumi and Sukuna text regularly, except when Megumi has classes or an upcoming test. Sukuna curses Megumi for being such a serious student, the type that won't even text during class, but he actually finds it endearing.
Yet this means he has to wait to talk to him again, and it's hard to wait when every minute without Megumi feels like hours.
Sukuna had at least signed into Yuuji's account on his own phone by that point, under the guise of 'doing Yuuji a favor because he sucks at flirting'.
Yuuji just rolls his eyes in response, unamused.
A few days later and Megumi is all that's on Sukuna's mind. He wants to talk to him all the time, and he doesn't mean just typing, no. He wants to hear Megumi's voice. So he asks Megumi what he thinks about calling each other, and he agrees.
"Hey," Megumi says hesitantly, and Sukuna beams at that. Megumi's voice is music to Sukuna's ears and it makes his heart race.
"Hey, sweetheart. Your voice is beautiful."
He can feel Megumi blushing on the other side of the line. "T-thanks. I didn't expect your voice to sound… like that. But it's not a bad thing."
Sukuna laughs. "Did I exceed your expectations?"
"Well, yes, you could say that."
A smile spreads across Sukuna's face. "How was your day, sweetheart?"
"It was alright. I finished most of my assignments so I have some free time before exams," Megumi answers. "Actually... I was wondering if you'd like to meet?"
Sukuna's never been happier. "You know I wouldn't say no to you."
He can hear Megumi's smile through the phone and god does that send the butterflies in his stomach flying.
He wants to see him in person, to see his smile up close.
"I can't wait to meet you," Megumi confesses.
"I can't wait to meet you too, Megumi."
"I'll head to bed now, I'm a little tired today. Let's talk again later?"
"Sure, sweetheart. Have a good night."
Sukuna is waiting for Megumi to hang up when suddenly he hears him on the other side of the line again. "It was nice finally hearing your voice." Sukuna grins. "...Yuuji."
Sukuna's smile drops when he hears Megumi say another man's name.
Fuck, that's right, he completely forgot. Megumi doesn't even know who he is. This was supposed to be his attempt at getting Yuuji a boyfriend, not a boyfriend for himself.
Is this catfishing?
“Get up brat, you’re going on a date.”
“Kuna, what the fuck?” Yuuji has just barely woken up when Sukuna storms into his room carrying a pile of clothes. “What do you mean-”
“You two care to explain why you’re being loud at 10 in the morning?” Nobara, who was asleep moments ago on a mattress on the floor of Yuuji’s bedroom, interrupts.
“Yeah, Kuna, what’s going on?” Yuuji sides with her.
“Alright, alright,” Sukuna drops the clothes on Yuuji’s bed and finally speaks. “I agreed to a date. With Megumi. Well, technically, you agreed on a date with him. Pick an outfit,” he points at the assortment of clothes.
“Are you serious right now?” Yuuji’s dumbfounded. “Why should I go on a date with your boyfriend?”
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing with Yuuji this time, but that’s a dumb move Sukuna.” Nobara shakes her head.
“And what am I supposed to do? He thinks he’s talking to you.”
“So it’s time to come clean, no?” Yuuji says.
“Look, he agreed to the date because it’s you he’s talking to, or at least he thinks so. In the first place, he matched with you because it’s you, brat. What’s he gonna say when I show up instead?”
Sukuna would give anything to go on that date himself, but he knows full well it’s Yuuji Megumi was attracted to. If it’s Sukuna who shows up, body covered in tattoos and piercings, a face that screams fuckboy, he fears Megumi might run away and ghost him forever. Sukuna’s amazing personality might not make up for that.
“Then you explain the situation and apologize?” Yuuji suggests.
Nobara’s rubbing her temples. “How come Yuuji’s the sensible one this time?”
Sukuna never begs. Especially not to his brother. But he’s that desperate. “Please…”
“Dude, no wonder your relationships are short-lived,” Nobara comments, already digging through the pile of clothes to find something suitable.
“You can’t blame me if this fails, Kuna.”
They spend some time getting Yuuji ready, all the while Sukuna is giving him tips on what to talk about with Megumi, so their conversations in person would be consistent with the text messages. Movies are an easy topic, both Sukuna and Yuuji like watching them. Pets are a great ice-breaker. Sukuna instructs Yuuji on what to say, and it ends up being a one-sided talk of Sukuna gushing about Megumi nonstop.
Yuuji stares at him astounded. “I’ve never heard you talk about someone like that.”
Sukuna stops. “Like what?” He asks.
Yuuji rolls his eyes. “Like you’re head over heels for them. Seriously, I don’t get why you don’t go on that date yourself.”
“Oh, but I’m going too.”
“You’re what?”
“I’ll be watching you, brat, making sure you don’t fuck up,” Sukuna reveals.
“This gets more ridiculous by the second,” Nobara says and lets out a sigh.
Yeah, Sukuna too can’t believe he’s acting more stupid than his brother for once.
Off they go on that date. Sukuna enters the cafe with Nobara first and they take a seat. He orders a drink so he won’t look suspicious with the baseball hat he borrowed from Yuuji and the absurd sunglasses Nobara chose for him.
Yuuji follows, sitting close to their table, waiting for Megumi to arrive.
The doorbell jingles, and in comes Megumi, just minutes later. Sukuna nearly chokes on his drink. He has to stop himself from smiling like an idiot and staring a little too much. Yuuji waves frantically at Megumi, who smiles brightly and rushes to sit across from him.
“It’s nice to finally meet you,” Megumi says, and Sukuna can tell he must be blushing slightly. He wants to turn around so badly.
“You’re even more beautiful in person, sweetheart,” Yuuji does his best at a Sukuna impersonation, just as his brother told him to. Nobara snorts.
“Oh,” Megumi sounds a little… disappointed? Sukuna wishes he could see his face to confirm it.
“Your voice sounds… different in person,” Megumi continues, attempting to change his tone and failing.
Yuuji laughs nervously. “People always tell me I sound different on the phone, maybe that’s why?”
He then clears his throat and changes the subject. They start going over the various topics Sukuna suggested, yet somehow, the whole time, Megumi seems dejected.
“Yuuji, listen…” Megumi interrupts, suddenly. “I think I gave you the impression that I was interested in you. As in, not just friends. And truth be told, I was. But, I don’t know, after meeting you in person, it’s… different,” he gets up and lowers his head in apology.
“I’m so sorry. I would like to remain friends, though, if possible,” Megumi says.
That’s it. Sukuna’s been patient, but that’s how far it goes. It wasn’t in his plans to reveal the truth to Megumi, at least not now, but there’s no way he’s letting him go like this.
He gets up so fast that the chair rattles against the floor loudly, making everyone in the cafe turn their heads in his direction. He removes the stupid hat and the equally stupid sunglasses with a quick motion and steps towards Megumi, grabbing his wrist.
“I’ll explain,” he says before dragging him out of the cafe.
Yuuji and Nobara look at each other and shake their heads, soon following the pair outside.
A few minutes later and the brothers are sitting on a park bench, heads lowered, Megumi scolding them, and Nobara watching. The people passing by just look away and start walking faster at the sight.
“Let’s see if I got this right: so you’ve been catfishing me this whole time?”
“I told you it wasn’t a smart idea, Kuna,” Yuuji says.
“Shut up brat, this is all your fault,” Sukuna smacks him on the head.
“How is it my fault?!”
“Yeah, how is it his fault, Sukuna?” Megumi cuts in. “Or should I call you Yuuji? Which one do you prefer?” Oh no, he looks pissed, and Sukuna knows this will haunt him forever.
“Fine. You’re right,” Sukuna admits, looking up at Megumi. “But I wasn’t lying about everything else. And I’m not lying when I say you’re special to me, Megumi.”
Sukuna doesn’t miss how Megumi’s cheeks turn red, and he can’t stop his lips from forming a smirk. He’s elated that Megumi still feels the same way about him.
Megumi pouts. “Oh yeah? You’ll have to prove it.”
Yuuji and Nobara observe the lovebirds openly flirting.
“And guess who’s still single,” Nobara teases Yuuji, and he sulks.
“Don’t I deserve some compassion?!”
Nobara pats him on the shoulder, snickering, then she turns to Sukuna. “Hey,” she yells, “you owe me 50 bucks, shithead!”