Chapter Text
What is his life? What has he been trying to do all these years just to feel this type of pain again? Why did Hisashi do this to himself? He’s done this before. He has fallen in love and gotten together with that person. Then that person was killed because he wasn’t careful enough and the people that were looking for him found his love instead. They didn’t even get to go out on their fifth date, it was so fresh and near the beginning of this whole thing he was in… a few 20 years after his little brother's death….. That was one of the big reasons Hisashi went underground and kept himself hidden. Hell, he even wore a mask 24-7 when he was doing his jobs. Only a few of the One for All users actually saw his face. All Might had the pleasure of looking at it because his master broke it off and almost took away his sight with it.
Hisashi was also pretty sure that Nana’s friend had seen his face but the old coot could be dead by now for all he knows. He didn’t keep track of that old man once he was done teaching eighth. Hisashi rolled over in his bed to look at the ceiling of his gu-.... His room. This will most likely be his room. The phone on his night stand buzzed again as he was sure Mitsuki was screaming at where the fuck he was. Hisashi knew for a fact talking to her would help no one so the only thing he sent them was a, “we are safe”, and dropped his phone off on the nightstand. No one can track it anyways because quirks are so helpful and also on top of normal non-tracking means.
He’s been trying his best to not think too much and only think of numbers or calculations. It’s been 2 days, 15 hours, 34 minutes and 12 seconds since Inko Midoriya died…. She’s actually dead. One of the clear messages he saw from Mitsuki was yelling at him for not being by Inko in her last moments but he was, that was just a shell being kept alive with life support. Masaru messaged him that they were questioned on where he was and answered truthfully because they honestly had no clue but they did inform the police that they were in contact with him and also hi-....h-his son.
Izuku
Oh his little boy. That bright and happy smile will be ripped away from him. Hisashi won't ever see his little Izuku ever again, not the same one that is. It’s a basic guarantee that the first sets of Nomu that survive that process will forget everything. How much, Hisashi doesn't know because only one has survived to tell the tale. For how long, again Hisashi has no clue because for all he knows Kurogiri doesn't know anything about his past. It’s also a fact that when Kurogiri came back into consciousness, he was emotionless for weeks. He was basically soulless as he walked around and sat….doing nothing and looking at walls, until he one day just looked Hisashi in the eyes and asked what his name was. That day was so surreal, giving a human a new name because they forgot theirs, trying to get them to calm down when they tried to remember who they were. Shouting and screaming asking about who they are, where they were and why did he do this to them because they ‘felt like this was wrong’.
Hisashi didn't want to do this to his only surviving blood family…. The only blood relative left and Hisashi couldn’t even keep Izuku alive to see into his teens. That’s perfect humor, right? He kept his brother alive for years, in a vault and that same could be said to all his other loved ones…. Minus the vault part. Looking at the table beside his bed, food… food was sitting there but Hisashi didn’t know when it got there and he was honestly not hungry. Thinking about food is just making him want to retch into a toilet, would he even make it? He was disgusting, not even being able to function without family around. It’s just like what happened with Yochi, maybe his brother was right and he was so fucked up in the head to depend on his family this hard. Hisashi can just imagine his little brother beside him, yelling and burning in rage at how he’s forced something else onto his family again. First it was his brother and the quirk, Hisashi just couldn’t see his lil brother wither away everyday. Then Yochi would say how he tricked Inko, she didn’t know anything real about him. She married a fake and a liar, she looked a monster in the eyes everyday and believed the human skin he put on to make her love him. Then with Kurogiri and Ten-... Tomura, Hisashi doesn't even need to explain those. Yochi would want to cut his throat with what happened to his seventh’s grandson and strangle him for what he did to that young hopeful boy. What he’s doing with those dead bodies when he’s trying to see how to fix the quirk singularity theory, that is if it was real but Hisashi is sure that it is. Experimenting on the dead is better than the living, trying to understand how quirks affect the brain and how to make higher thinking happen with more power then one should be able to handle. Now…. now Yochi would have ripped Izuku out of his hands as soon as he was born. He would have kept him safe in the deepest hero protected area possible. He would have turned to any hero worth their salt, most likely UA or the top pros, making sure that he could never see Izuku.
Yochi would have tried to take Izuku to the hospital and let him die peacefully, he would be grabbing Izuku right now and see if a hero doctor could help him. If his brother couldn’t then he would have brought him back, make Hisashi finish what he started then run off again. Hisashi would never see him again….. He’s an awful human, watching as his family dies, does nothing and then prolong their life against their will.
Absolutely despicable.
Hisashi’s eyes glide back to the food beside his bed, on the side table and sees that it looks old now…. Dried out and crusty. He can’t get himself to care about it, the human body can live about a month without food… Hisashi can live longer without it because of a quirk, he can last about half a year if he really wanted to. He can go about the same with water intake. Hisashi didn’t need it, I-inko didn’t need it anymore, Izuku….. Izuku would have to get used to eating again. Being dead makes it hard to eat, it throws off normal functions that the human body does on impulse. It happened with Kurogiri, THEY STILL DON’T KNOW IF IT WILL BE THE SAME WITH THE ONLY SURVIVING MEMBER OF THAT TYPE OF NOMU!!!
Hisashi rolled over so that he was facing the wall again. His bed is only big enough to hold him… not his other half. It was pushed against the wall so he could feel a tad bit ‘safer’ because it was a comfort thing he had since he was young. No one will be by his side when he wakes up in the morning. Inko will never get his coffee ready in the morning. His dress shirts won't have those pink stitches in the spots he got holes in them anymore, Inko never color matched the stitch work for clothes. The breathy wheezing laugh from the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, he will never hear it again. Could he hear it one more time?... The way that Inko would sometimes literally skip around the house, like a disney princess, when she was excited or had too much energy on her days off. The way she would cry at the smallest of things but would laugh when Hisashi, himself, would fuck something up and get hurt. Laughing about how much of a klutz he was in the kitchen and ending up looking like a mummy because he never knew how to wrap up wounds right. One with healing quirks didn’t need to every single time.. So of course he didn’t know how to take care of wounds. The little tick Inko had to make tea every time he mentioned someone annoying at ‘work’. When she would always make katsudon a little more spicy than before, more than Hisashi could handle it, she wanted him to be able to handle Mitsuki’s fo- bizz bizz bizz …. Bizz bizz bizz.
Bizz
Bizz
Biz-
He flung himself at the phone on the nightstand, anger rolling off of him ten folds. He should just break the fucking thing. It kept buzzing and buzzing. Over and over and over. wHeRe’S IzUkU? WhErE ArE YoU At?!? 𝗙𝗨𝗖𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗦𝗛𝗨𝗧 𝗨𝗣!! Hisashi snapped the phone open and called back Mitsuki because of course it’s her that won't leave him alone. It didn’t even get to ring once before she picked it up. “His-” “what…. Do. you. Want.” The words that Mitsuki was going to say, stilled in the air, something akin to a whine was heard on the other end but Hisashi didn’t give a fuck. He has been morning, crying and begging for any god or gods that probably doesn't exist, for all of this to be an awful nightmare that he will wake up from. He’s been trying to just breath every day, every hour, every minute, every god damn second… he still has his son on this dumb fucking floating rock. His son… t-the person that used to be his s-son, his Izuku, will need him. Hisashi is just trying to last long enough to at least see if even a little bit of Izuku is there. He dosn’t need an angry Mitsuki in his fucking face when all of this is happening. He will break his promise for Inko’s and Izuku’s sake and kill the whole of the Bakugo family right the fuck now.
.
.
.
.
“I-i… I just wanted to check in?”
The voice of the usually fiery person. The one that personally screamed at ‘heroes’ for not doing their damned job right every other day. She was meek, her voice was weak and had no bit to speak of. It was wrong and off… Mitsuki shouldn’t be like this. “I-i-i have tried to get in contact with you when we…. I’m sorry… It's still hard to say, let alone think about.” Hisashi heard Mitsuki taking big exaggerated breaths that he unconsciously mimicked. “We- when we… f-found…. Fou-found out about Inko and the ‘accident’ and the blood and the hospital and we came as fast as we could but they just needed to know from you if it was okay to pull the plug but you weren't answer the phone and we were the only other ones allowed to do it left and Inko honesty only could make it another 27 hours until her body would have failed her anyways ! The police harassing us and fucking ALL MIGHT coming to our door and questioning us ON YOU by the way and me and Masaru already thought you where some type of villain and how you acted, we guessed you where high in that rank ing but FUCKING ALL MIGHT REALLY HISASHI!!! What has happene d! Is the STUPID FUCKING ‘ACCIDENT’ REALLY AN ACCIDENT OR WAS THIS ALL ON PURPOSE BECAUSE ALL FUCKING MIGHT IS AFTER YOU!!!”
Hisashi could imagine anger on the face of one of the few women in his life who didn't falter when looking him in the eyes. One of the very few number of people in history that could match him with anger and not back down from him, like her husband and his wife in turn. Hisashi could just see clear as day, the burning hot rage that should be able to boil him alive through the phone… but that wasn’t what Mitsuki sounded like. She sounded hurt, pained at every word she spoke and he could tell after she talked for longer than a few words. Her throat sounded raw, like she already has been screaming for weeks… for years without one single break. She sounded so broken… she was broken and Hisashi could clearly hear her breaking down on the other end. It was an alien emotion that was never supposed to be even able to get on Mitsuki’s face. That was just.. Something she couldn’t do. He’s never seen her cry let alone hear her cry. Hisashi has no clue what she would look like right now, tears and most likely snot running down her face as she also now had to live in a world without Inko.
They were like sisters. They were. sisters. in all but blood and Hisashi knew the pain of having to watch the life drain out of someone you love. He’s done it more than once and that was already too much to bear, no one should have to see that. He’s a monster but he never did that to anyone. Mitsuki should have never been called so she could make the decision to not prolong his wife's suffering. He should have been there but… he was trying his best to save Izuku.
He promised her
Hisashi had to
He had to
A wet chuckle fell from his mouth as his hand started to cover his eyes. He could already feel the tears that went away not long ago come back full force. Hisashi could also hear the bawling of Mitsuki on the other end die out slowly. “We are a mess… aren't we?” The only other thing he has said in such a long time, hung in the air like a death sentence. It was tense silence as he waited for the woman that somehow weaseled her way into his heart and became like another sibling to him -just Inko said would happen-, to finally speak…. And speak she did not. Mitsuki laughed, she laughed hard and loud. The sound of broken hysterical laughter that Hisashi has only heard from the truly shattered people in life, that he has heard from himself on multiple occasions. It was something like…. Joining one's hands as Hisashi started up his own broken laughter.
The laugh that sounded sad and forced. The laugh of someone trying to just piece back together the demolished life they once had even though they knew it would never be the same. The laugh of knowing that anything you do will fail and make everything fall apart faster than you are ready for it to. The crazed laughter of someone so close to the edge of the high rise as they tip their head back, slowly accepting that this is their life and they just had to suck it the fuck up. The laugh that dissolved into more tears, more crying and begging for this to be fake. The tears that are burning like fresh lava on your freezing skin when you have a fever that you just seem to not be able to stop no matter how hard you try. The tears that somehow just randomly halt all at once as your mind just clicks back into place, making everything silent once again. Everything is now just frozen as your mind falls back into its ‘rightful’ place, like a puzzle piece was just found but it still doesn't make a full picture. The silence that hurt a million times more than the loud screaming laughter or wailing cries that used to fill your thoughts.
“ * sniff *... haha…. Yo-your fucking right about that, you bitch.” What an eloquent way of saying that Mitsuki.
“ *sniff sniff* I-i really didn’t think you would ca-call back.”
“I would have… e-eventually.”
It was quiet again. The slight humming of the air conditioner, the somewhat heavy breathing from Mitsuki on the other end, plus Hisashi’s loud and hectic thoughts roaring in the background. Both Mitsuki and him rely a lot on family or loved ones to feel… ‘normal’ .... It was why both of them had such a hard time letting people in but when they did…. It always at one point bits them in the ass. Hisashi wouldn’t have it any other way.
“So you know…. Me and Masaru are in pos-....possession of Ink-ko’s things. With you being a ‘villian’ and ev-everything ᵖᵖᵖᶠᶠᶠ ᵛᶦˡˡᵃᶦⁿ ᵐʸ ᵃˢˢ….. And the will…” He sat there with his head in his hands, tears no longer came and it still hurt so much. “I think she knew… .. Or at least also guessed because… t-t-t-the wi.. Fucking… the note…. It’s a note …. It stated in detail that if something were to happen to you and Izuku or if you both couldn’t be found.” Mitsuki paused as she took another big gulp of air. Coughing a little as she probably choked on phlegm. “It says everything is to go to us… . Every little bit and funny thing is, the police have already checked all over your house and found nothing on you so…. It's all ours now. * huff * Also sense it has been about…. 2 weeks, the ‘accident’ happened t-... 2 weeks ago. We had to inform them that we couldn’t get in contact with you or Izuku, so.”
A curl and dark chuckle filtered through the other side of the phone as Hisashi was just trying to stay together long enough to get information. He didn’t notice that he was so broken that he lost time that much, 2 weeks. It’s been that long already? “T-they are saying you’ve kidnapped Izuku! HAHA like that would ever happen!” Something was slowly curling in the bottom of Hisashi’s gut, he couldn't tell what it was. “ You ! Of all fucking people, YOU !!! They are saying, Izuku is in danger or or hurt. Hahaha” The feeling was getting heavy and it was slowly getting harder to think straight. “Like you, Hisashi Midoriya , would ever hurt your damn family or people you care about! It’s a fucking laugh!”
Izuku
“It wa- -rd to look the- face when they s-. Saying that your som- be scared of, -upid klutz that -olor lilac -t Inko wore the most.”
His son
“Hisa-? -u there? -hones disconne- -ing? Hisashi, you're st- can hear y-…. Hey HE- -erventilating! HIS- -SASHI YO- BREATH !!! YOU- -ITE HAIRED ASS- -U NEED TO-” The phone clattered to the ground as Hisashi’s mind pulled him back into the dark void of his thoughts. Everything was spinning and moving too fast. The walls felt like the floor when the ceiling felt like the walls. He was mostly thinking about his wife this whole time, Inko was plaguing his thoughts so much that Izuku barely made it to the surface long enough for him to process it all. Hisashi plummeted back into the bed as… yelling?... from somewhere was heard but that didn’t matter because his baby boy was gone.
His son, Izuku, would never be the same. He was first off, going to have to learn how to be functional again because being dead messes up normal human functions. He will be soulless, a husk as he body moves, looking for something. Izuku will be like that for, Hisashi didn’t know how long. It could be different for every Nomu for all he knows. The sounds of little feet running along the hardwood floor at 7:30 am, it won't happen anymore. The early laughter of his wife and son as batter from the pancakes get’s on their faces, the noise and images gone forever. Izuku will be lost and angry, he’ll cry or be completely different from what Hisashi knows because this will most likely be a new person all together. Inko still wanted to name him Izuku, she said his name should be Izuku and it will be Izuku. He felt a sharp pain from his head but ignored it as he needed to think of his son, he needed to make sure everything will go right but his son is gone.
Izuku will need to learn balance again, brushing his teeth, foods he likes, colors he yells out when buying him clothes, the heroes that he plays as when Hisashi plays Heroes v. Villain with him. He can’t tell if he’s breathing but that doesn't matter. Inko doesn't need air anymore. Izuku will forget how he likes to hold finger foods with his left hand and eat food with silverware in his right hand, respectfully. Everything will be different and Hisashi doesn't know how he will be able to handle it. Izuku will be gone, the little smile when Hisashi trips over his own two feet because even his small child never tripped as much as himself. Izuku doesn't know Inko. His own son will forget about his mother and Hisashi had no way of triggering those memories because Inko. is. Gone. Izuku is going to look him in the eyes and see a stranger. Will he even accept the name Izuku? Kurogiri was fine with his name because it wasn’t connected to his old life. The name didn’t trigger pain in his head when spoken so Kurogiri was happy with it but will Izuku be the same. Hisashi could call him by a different name but it will hurt more. He deserves the pain to begin with. It would hurt so much. The name his lovely Inko picked out and still believed was the perfect name for their baby boy, not be used? Inko in her last delusional breaths, said that their baby needed to be named Izuku. She loved that name and Hisashi couldn’t bear to lose another thing that connected him to his wife and past son. Is it still Izuku? Would it still be Izuku? He will restart. New person, new memories, new thoughts, new movements, new habits, new hobbies new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new new N- Hisashi’s head jerked to the right and hot searing pain erupted from his cheek.
He gasped as he tasted iron in his mouth, it had to be blood. Blinking a few times then looking over to who in the world punched him, even dared to punch him . Hisashi had to blink a few more times as he looked into the bright yellow mist eyes of Kurogiri. When did he get here? “Master Hisashi…. Are you finally able to hear me?” He still felt somewhat stuck, words moving slowly and understanding or anything almost at a stand still. Trying his hardest to digest the little words thrown at him and also the question, he thinks it was a question that was also pushed his way. Hisashi gulped as he very slowly, trying to seem more calm and collected than he was, nodded his head up and down, up and down.
This elected a relieved? Sigh out of Kurogiri, relaxing a little but not all the way. Why was the mist nomu so tense right now? Did something happen when he was spacing out? Was he spacing out? Wasn’t he just thinking about something? What was it about, everything feels so distant and numb. “That’s good to hear Master. I took away the rotted food that was in your room.” There was food in his room? When was there food?
“I’m sorry I haven’t been checking in with you as much as I should but…. Everything is so much harder than before.” Hisashi nodded as Kurogiri continued to let words fly out of his mouth. “I have done all my duties and then some. Tomura has….. Somewhat of a normal schedule back but is still very off kilter. I got many things from your home the first day and most contented legal documentation and the likes, plus some comfort items.” Blinking a few times as more information was given to him. Hisashi was slowly but surely coming back, he needed to know this. He needed to help and not be stuck anymore. Hisashi needed to be present.
“I've been…. I've been something but you don’t need to worry about my work ethic.”
“I’ll be the judge of what I need to worry about Kurogiri and your work ethic would be far from it at this point in time.”
“Oh you're responding? It's great to see, Master.” Kurogiri seemed to be happy about him actually speaking. That’s good, Hisashi needs to keep together because he needs to be here and in the now. “N-now… the Doctor.” He looked at the mist man as he now noticed that part of his mist is getting lighter, it’s getting more blue. Hisashi has been theorizing that having more of an unstable emotional state makes Kurogiri rely more on his past memories. He motioned for him to continue as he needed to know, this has to be about Izuk-... about his son. He needs to know if his son won't get hurt by that name.
“T-the doctor is asking you when you are going to give the young master his quirks……. It’s the only way…. Sir.”
Hisashi looked at the person he turned into a monster for knowledge, for the ‘greater good’ . After looking into Kurogiri’s eyes for a bit, he lets himself fall into his bed. He just wants to sleep and not wake up but his son needs him, they need him the most and Hisashi wont run away from this. “I’ll…. I-i’ll think of some quirks, Kurogiri….. Ju-..... let me get a shower or something.” Rubbing his hands over his face, he noticed that there was a weird texture near the right side of his hairline. He must have shown his confusion once he felt that because Kurogiri spoke up.
“Master, you seemed to have pulled out a little bit of hair and… some layers of skin.” The misty man looked to the floor trying to not catch his eyes. Hisashi just sighed and slowly sat back up. “I-it’s fine Kurogiri just… get me something to eat and I’ll be down after I clean up a bit.” He bowed and then quickly made his retreat from the gues-... from his room. Letting his eyes drift around the room, Hisashi actually noticed how dusty it was. It still feels like he’s breathing fresh air because an air filtration quirk automatically came on in his 'floating' that he did.
He looked to the dresser and decided he might as well see what spare clothes he has in there. Apparently Kurogiri filled his drawers at one point because he definitely didn’t have this much laze around clothes in this room. A little warm smile got on his face as he thought about Kurogiri struggling on which clothes he would like to laze around more in when he was grabbing these. Hisashi picked up the towel that was left behind and walked into the side bathroom/washroom in this room.
Having gotten all cleaned up and slightly cleared his head, Hisashi started to get ready to walk down stairs because he was going to eat. If he was eating, it wasn’t going to be in this stuffy room that is filled to the brim with dust. His hair was slightly gray from all the dust, not it’s normal pristine white that Inko lo-.... The white hair he always had. A sign escapes his mouth, the sound of some buzzing is heard from somewhere after he opens the door, this will be hard but baby steps need to be taken…. Baby steps Hisashi.