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“Sometimes I’m afraid how I will live without you. “
“Sometimes I’m afraid how will you live without me.”
Tang Bo tightened the bandage wrapped around Chung Myung’s stomach, trying to keep his inside stay where they should be. After making sure it’s tight enough, he ties it up then prepares to stitch another wound.
The swordsman’s body was already full of scars. One or two new ones won’t be any different for Chung Myung, but that doesn’t seem to be the case for Tang Bo. He hates it. The fact that those wounds ever happened and even leaving a scar.. Or maybe more to the fact he can’t stop him from getting hurt in the first place. Of course, this is not something a dense swordsman who doesn’t understand people’s worry like Chung Myung can understand. .
“You’re being noisy again.”
“I haven’t say anything”
“The way you look is noisy”
“I won’t if you just listen to me!”
Chung Myung rolled his eyes. No strength left to argue. He is already tired because of the blood loss.
“We almost run out of clean bandages, the water here isn’t good either to clean the wounds. I need more alcohol to disinfect the needle to stitch your wound too.” Tang Bo stopped to take a breath. The vein on his face looks like it is about to burst. “Please, just….listen to me.”
These kinds of fights become more frequent as the war goes on. Chung Myung will rush to the frontline, get himself hurt, Tang Bo will patch him up, asking him to be more careful, Chung Myung will go again before the old wound heals, Tang Bo will get angry and patch him up again, and repeat. At some point, the fight became a nuisance for Chung Myung, so he will stay silent throughout the treatment. And at one point, the swordsman’s stubbornness wears Tang Bo’s out.
Tang Bo feels like he can no longer distinguish the bloods on his clothes. Did he slay the demons or Chung Myung? He bathed with the swordsman's blood more often than his own enemy.
“Where are you going?”
Chung Myung didn’t answer immediately. Eyes avoided Tang Bo’s.
“They need support. I need to go.”
“What?”
Tang Bo can't believe what he just heard. This person was still bleeding a while ago. If it’s not for Tang Bo, his hand would have been amputated twice. Tang Bo was just barely able to make him avoid death. All because those ignorant people thought it was a good idea to let him fight for two nights, without a single support.
And he wants to go where now??
Silence fell in the space between them. Tang Bo felt he is so close to lost his composure any moment, vein bulging and face redden up. Chung Myung on the other hand, is looking at the door, clearly resolved to go.
“Should it be you?” Tang Bo’s gather every bit of his self-restrain to stop himself from yelling.
“They ask for me.”
“There are many others beside you.” Tang Bo closed the medical kit box a bit harder than he meant to.
“Tang Bo.” Chung Myung's voice sharp, already hinting he isn't ask for permission. “How many people do you think will die if I don’t go?” The question delivered straight out cold. It once again remind Tang Bo of an undeniable fact. It is a fact that even Mount Hua’s sect leader can’t avoid to admit.
If the Plum Blossoms Swordsman Saint there, the casualties would be reduced.
Everyone knew it all too well. There is no way Tang Bo doesn't know it too. But the swordsman himself seems to had forgotten that even as the strongest warrior, he is still a human in mortal flesh. A mortal who is like any other, can also die.
“Who do you think will drag your body back and need to patch you up like a ragged doll you are?” Tang Bo’s voice trembled but Chung Myung still didn’t seem willing to look at him.
“You don’t need to.” Chung Myung took one more breath before continue.
“I never ask you to come”
He can’t see Tang Bo’s face in the dark room they are in, but he sure he heard something broken.
Chung Myung heard footsteps coming closer and braced himself for anything Tang Bo would say to him but the footsteps didn’t stop at him. It passed him without any pause, walked straight to the door. Without looking back he said.
“You know what? You're right. Go. You don’t need my permission for that”
The door closed, leaving Chung Myung and his stubbornness behind.
******
Slash!
Plum Blossom’s sword cutting down enemies one after another. Some got their body split in half. The rest got their heads chopped in a single motion. After some time, body of demonic sect people pilled up and create a small mountain.
How many more of them left?
Chung Myung knows he can’t stop now. It will be too late if the next group of enemies arrive. There were some people with him when he came earlier, but the number of the injured kept rising so he told them to go back first. The sun begins to set as Chung Myung got occupied with the prolonged fight.
Shit-
The world around him started to spin. His mind dazed. The only thing that's kept going is his hand and sword which seem to have minds of their own. While the wound on his stomach gushing fresh blood without a sign to stop anytime soon.
In such situation, Chung Myung heard footsteps running fast from some distance away.
Twenty…, no, is it fifty?
He gritted his teeth, ready to welcome those new guests. Suddenly, his vision blacking out. It's only for a moment. But a second could be fatal on the battlefield. Loud nasty screams of demonic humans ready to jump at him in that one second chance.
But the scream didn’t last long before it turn quiet again just as soon as it comes.
Twelve daggers flying without a sound, cutting everything in midair. Making a rain of bloods and dead bodies.
Chung Myung turned his head and looked back. Those daggers came from behind the new group of enemies. Only then he realize that they didn't come to him. They were running away from whatever chasing them from behind. As he take that chance to ready himself again, a green figure rushed ahead of the group and landed to his side.
“Focus.”
Tang Bo. Another daggers ready in hand. Eyes straight upfornt, backs on each other. “Let’s finish this.” Both of them cutting down the remaining enemies without another word.
.
.
.
.
The rest of the fight ended without more casualties. The enemy’s support Chung Myung needed to deal with was fewer, thanks to Tang Bo who took a step ahead and annihilated most of them before they could join the main group.
“Sit.” Tang Bo said to the swordsman who was still standing on his foot.
“You came.” Chung Myung said instead of to him. “Why are you here?”
“Sit.”
“I didn’t ask you to come.”
“...sit”
“You don’t need to treat me if you don’t want to-”
Slap!
The sound echoed in the empty field, silencing anything he was about to say, leaving a handmark printed red on one side of his face. Chung Myung glanced sidelines with shocked eyes. Speechless.
It stings.
Its stings-more so on his chest rather than his slapped cheek.
“Shut it”
Tang Bo snarl at him. Clearly snapped on his last string of patience.
“I never want to hear thank you, but is this a attitude to the person who help you? Before you run to your death, why don’t you think about people who will be sad?” It's drive him crazy he often put his mind hesitant to prioritize between believing in Chung Myung's strength or not to be shocked if he fond him dead while he is not looking.
“Before a Plum Blossom Swordsman Saint, before a hero of the central plain, YOU ARE SOMEONE'S DEAREST PERSON!!! What about your sect leader?? What about your sajaes??? Even a sword can break, let alone a HUMAN!!!”
Even before Tang Bo told him that, Chung Myung actually already knew about his indifference to his own safety in some recent fights. But he also told himself that there is no helping it. Because he need to be the sword to protect everyone dear to him. He needs to end this war before he really loses everything.
“You need to stay alive if you still want to end this war.” Tang Bo’s voice softened at the lost look the swordsman gave him. They both had lost so many things.
It scares him.
You made me afraid, hyung.
I’m starting to forget how you smile.
It disappears, slowly, surely, fading into a stone-cold face of a swordsman.
“Sit” Tang Bo guided Chung Myung away from the pool of blood. He stitched the reopened wound and put in new bandages. He didn’t let even a single cut to be left untreated.
“I’m doing this for myself.” Tang Bo continued to talk. “I don’t care what you are thinking, or what you want. I choose to be with you and there is nothing you can say will stop me.”
Chung Myung watch Tang Bo pats his injury softly in a solemnly manner. “Please remember before anything else, you are a human too.”
Tang Bo’s hand trembled as he let out a heavy sigh. A single tear trailing down his face and disappear before it can touch the ground. He wiped the blood on his face and looked up to meet with a pair of plum-colored eyes, waiting at him silently.
“You too, can also die.”
There was not much conversation after that. Tang Bo stood up as soon as he finished the treatment and try to walk away before Chung Myung can say anything. But his intention is prevented by a pair of strong arms that’s quickly pull him into an embrace.
“...let me go...”
Yet those arms around his shoulder stay firm and didn’t let go.
I’m sorry
The words never came out from the swordsman’s lips, but Tang Bo could hear it from the way those arms wrapped around him didn't cling too tight, yet still able to soothe him gently.
“...really, you…” frustrated and tired. Tang Bo buried his face on the broad shoulder. Melted in the embrace full with the scent of plum blossoms and spring he had fallen in love with. The love that had to be buried before it had a chance to bloom any further.
The same goes for Chung Myung. He favored every bit of warmth Tang Bo shared with him.
“Look at me, Tang Bo.” The younger man peeks under his chin, a smile blooms innocently, reminding him of home.
Amidst the harsh life in war, it was a momentary peace they can only get by each other's side. After satisfied at his responses, Chung Myung take Tang BO's hand in his own.
“Let’s go back.”
*****
That night, they decided to spend it together. Jars of alcohol were emptied in no time. They were tipsy and sleepy, but both refused to give in. Chung Myung poured another glass of alcohol, while Tang Bo leaned his head on the swordsman’s shoulder with a flushing face.
In the gentle night’s breeze, Tang Bo whispered a question that had been weighing heavily on his heart.
“Can’t we just run away?”
Let’s go far, far away. To a place with no war and deaths around.
“Are you tired?” Chung Myung chuckled at the weak statement, so unlikely of Tang Bo. He pulled the younger man as he lay on his back on the mattress. He could feel the full weight of the other man on his chest, collapsing over him.
Is it the same person who made rain of daggers like meteors in the battlefield?
Tang Bo returns the hug with hands wrapped around Chung Myung’s waist. Breathing softly as he tries to calm his mind. He is tired. Tired of anxiety and fear that haunts him every night. He counts every breath and seconds just to keep himself from insanity that eats him up from inside. The long night never has been so nice to him lately. It’s been a long time since he last felt less cold and dull spending night with black skies alone.
“Tang Bo, I need you…”
Those words stabbed really hard on his chest. Chung Myung lifts the younger man’s face so their eyes can meet each other. Smiling softly, he speaks with voices just as gentle.
“You are the only one who reminds me of being human. “
Unfair….
Tang Bo feels his ears and eyes burn with those words.
He wants to say the same thing too. He wants to reply with a brighter smile and laugh together afterward. But the words choked up in his throat.
Tang Bo hug tighter. As if he wants to hold this moment forever.
I will stay with you as long as I can.
Yes,
As long as I can.
Being familiar with death, they say you can feel it when your own is near.
Tang Bo knew he would be the most likely to die first between the two of them.
He feels guilty at the thought alone.
“You are clingy tonight, huh?” Chung Myung caresses Tang Bo’s hair gently. Maybe he can also feel the heavy mood in the air.
“Hyung….” Tang Bo whined like a child, but soon he was back to his usual mischief. Hovering over the older man, pair of emeralds looking down with a naughty look. One of his hands stole a chance to stroke Chung Myung’s face, down to his neck then to his chest.
Chung Myung looked back with an annoyed face but still let him have his way on him.
Forget about tomorrow. Even if tonight will be the last time we are together.
“Hug me.”
That night, they dreamed. About a house on top of a hill where the first light of sunrise touches every morning. Without no one around to disturb them. Just the two of them.