Chapter Text
Riri wandered over to Shuri’s room in the palace, hoping she was asleep but figuring she was awake. Okay, maybe she hadn’t wandered as much as intentionally left her guest room and plotted a course, but she was really worried about Shuri. She hadn’t seen much of her since Namor’s attack and considering the cleanup and funeral afterward and the fact that she herself had just drowned, they hadn’t talked at all. She had half the mind to interrogate why she was worried about a girl she had only met just over 24 hours ago, but she knew why that was. And that wasn’t what she was choosing to focus on right now.
As she neared the royal family’s hallway Riri heard Griot’s voice, proving either that Shuri was awake or had strange sleeping habits. “At 4:56, Namor sent three Talokanil water bombs through the previously weakened portion of the window, flooding the Throne Room with approximately 2.5 million gallons of water.”
She knocked on Shuri’s door lightly, the knock opening it just enough for her to be made out from the inside. “Yo,” she said gently.
“Riri. Griot, pause archival playback.” Shuri rose from her desk. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
She walked in, confused as to how her reaching out became her being reached out to. “No, no I’m not- you don’t have to- I’m good, thanks for asking.”
Shuri nodded but stayed standing and staring.
“I actually came to see how you were doing? I remember when my dad passed I was… up all night like you are now. Thinking about nothing and everything. And crying, there was a lot of that, too.”
Shuri tried to smirk, but couldn’t quite muster the energy. “I’d be lying if I said I was fine. But that’s none of your concern. You’re a guest here, you shouldn’t have to look after me or anyone.”
“I mean, I’m not exactly your typical tourist.”
Shuri couldn’t disagree, so she didn’t really know what else to say. She hated silence, but she wasn’t able to fill in the space right now. She just wasn’t. Instead, she just watched the way that the dark red silk pajama tank fell over Riri’s torso and the robe draped over her, nearly swallowing her. And she watched the way the shorts clung to her shape, following the line of her exposed radiantly brown legs. Her head had been wrapped in a matching scarf while her braids fell over her shoulder. Even at 1 a.m., she was a vision.
“So nothing? Everything? A little bit of both and neither?” Riri stepped closer.
Shuri responded in a similar fashion, “Yes. No. Somewhere in between.”
“Mind if I ask you what you’re workin’ on?” She motioned toward the desk, pretending she couldn’t already tell what Shuri was doing. It was the same thing she did.
“Ever since Namor visited my mother and I at the water, I’ve had Griot performing active surveillance on all the city and at its borders. I thought it might come in handy one day.” She sat back down at the desk.
“How’s it coming in handy now?”
She didn’t quite know how to answer truthfully. “I’m trying to understand what exactly happened. How did Namor get past the sensors after we fortified the sonic barriers? How did we not think to better prepare after Nakia killed that Talokanil? How… how was my mother left alone in the throne room, one of the most sacred rooms in the palace, while we were under attack from a new enemy?”
Riri gave some room for her next thought to be tossed around, not that she needed to. “Sounds like you’re just trying to figure out where you fell short. Obsessing over your mistakes and overlooks.” It was the same thing she did.
“I’m not obsessing. I’m analyzing and strategizing, there’s a difference.” Shuri didn’t care to go back and forth about it.
“And how many times have you analyzed and strategized by actually figuring things out and not torturing yourself by listening to that recording over and over?”
“Is there something that you need, Riri?” Shuri snapped. “Because if not, I’d really like to get back to what I was doing.”
“What you’re doing isn’t helping you, Shuri. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“My entire family is dead!” She shouted, back out of her chair and in Riri’s face. “In the span of 4 years, everyone who raised me and knew the deepest parts of me has been taken from me. Until that happens to you, you do not get to decide what is and is not ‘helping me’. I am going to do whatever is necessary to help me deal with the fact that yesterday my mother was here and today—” her breath hitched in her throat. She disengaged briefly, realizing what she just did. “I’m- I’m so sorry, Riri, I just, I—”
“It’s okay.” Riri, who hadn’t flinched during Shuri’s rage, soothed her with her voice. “That’s the nothing and everything. And the in-between.”
“I just can’t make my brain think of anything else.” She slowly stepped back to her previous spot, sitting down. “I’m stuck in a loop.”
Riri sat on the edge of Shuri’s bed, collecting her robe in her lap. “What was your brother like?”
What did that have to do with anything? “Excuse me?”
“You’re right; I’ve never been where you are. Especially not with an entire country setting its eyes on me to make decisions for them. But I have grieved before. And one thing I’ve learned about grieving is that it can feel good. It doesn’t have to be always angry and crying and screaming, it can be,” she searched for the word, “it can be remembering. Thinking about the good times or what made that person good. Obviously, it may be a little early to do that with your moms, but you’ve had a bit of time with T’Challa, right? So tell me about him.”
After giving it a little thought, “He was a pain in the ass.” Shuri laughed to herself. “He would always play the nice big brother card even when I took a jab at him. He was sweet that way. But he got some good ones in, too, every now and then. That was our dynamic. And he was always putting diplomacy over his feelings, which you’d think would make for a better king and not one who always complained to his little sister about one thing or the other. Unless his feelings were about Nakia, that is. Oh, and he couldn’t play basketball to save his life. The Black Panther, Wakanda’s Protector and King, and he could barely dribble a ball.” She stopped for a moment. “But he made me who I am today. He never doubted me, even when the Elders and everyone else thought I was disgracing the ancestors with my technological advancements. He supported them. He supported me. And when the entire country saw me as a helpless princess who holed herself up in her lab all day, he refused to treat me like his little sister who couldn’t protect herself.”
“Sounds like he was hella cool.”
“He was. You two are actually a lot alike, you know.”
Riri grinned. “Word? Cuz I always thought if I was royalty I’d be like, a king’s guard or something. Like, Okoye. Or, I guess Ayo now. Plus, I’m a baller. Pippen on em, you know?” She shot an airball.
“You definitely have the spirit of a fighter in you, no one can deny that. But you are also open like he was. You have a kind heart. Griot’s archive showed me how you helped during the attack. And how you didn’t want to leave her.” The reprieve from her mother was nice, but Shuri’s brain did what Shuri’s brain wanted to do. “You knew the risk, yet you remained. That is something my brother would have done. Something he did several times.”
“Speaking of Griot, I’ve always been told I’m a good analyzer and strategizer, if you still want to try that?”
Shuri zoned back in on her work. “Namor said he was coming back. I am going to take him at his word. If I can’t figure out his strengths and weaknesses and the strengths and weaknesses of his people, the next time will be today all over again.” She paused, almost as if running a risk assessment for her next words. “I’m not sure who else I could lose, but if anyone important to me dies… the entire world, the surface and what lies underneath, will feel my wrath to no end. After I kill Namor, I will kill his people. And after that, I’ll blow his entire world to smithereens, just as he has done mine.”
“Shuri, you don’t mean that.”
“How are you going to sit there and tell me what I mean?”
“Cause you’re not a killer.”
“You just met me, you don’t know what I am.”
Riri sat atop Shuri’s desk, gazing at her. “I know you have one of the purest hearts I’ve ever seen. Right after your mom. Can’t tell you exactly why; I just know.”
The princess bowed her head, trying to fight back her tears. She wasn’t supposed to be feeling this right now. This… this breaking . She’d been broken before; you were supposed to break and then come out stronger, even if stronger meant angrier and vengeful, which was where she was headed. But this breaking, this wasn’t just a breaking. It was a shattering that threatened to continue as each piece split into two over and over again for the rest of her days.
That could not happen.
Shuri hadn’t even noticed Riri getting off the desk and turning Shuri’s chair toward her. She also hadn’t noticed when Riri squeezed her hand. But she did notice when the shorter woman embraced her, her silk grazing itself along Shuri’s thin fitted sleepwear. She also noticed how the hug filled her soul with a warmth, a richness, that promised perpetuity just like the breaking did.
“You should get some sleep,” she whispered.
Shuri shook her head. “The fate of my country and potentially the world lies in whatever happens next week with Namor. He has to be defeated.” She removed herself from Riri’s hold.
“And you think the person to do that is going to be operating on 168 hours of sleep deprivation? Look, I’ll help you take Namor down. I’ll work beside you day and night but tonight, you need to just be. Just exist.”
“If I just exist, I won’t be able to stop whatever comes out. I can’t do that now when there’s work to be done.” She went over to her door, showing Riri out. “I’ll be fine, but you should get some rest. You are a long way from home and you’ve had a long past couple of days.”
“Okay, I’m just gonna say this.” Riri only stood in her spot, she didn’t move an inch. “You need rest more than I do. And I’m not leaving this room until I know you’re not gonna be in here driving yourself crazy by listening to those damn playbacks. We can talk about your brother some more or what you do in your lab or why Wakanda hasn’t gone to space yet or why the sky is blue, I don’t care. I ain’t going nowhere until you get in that bed and stop forcing yourself to relive everything that happened today. You can go to sleep or not, but I’m staying right here. And that’s final.” She kept her stone face for a moment before disclaiming. “Um, please don’t take that as a threat. You don’t need to call, like, your army or the Dora Milaje or anything. I’ve seen what they can do and they’re really scary. Like, super scary. And I’m not trying to force you to do anything so if you really want me to leave I will. I just—”
“Do you like cherry pie?” Shuri interrupted her.
Riri shook her head as if to reset herself. “Uh- do I what?”
“In all my research on America, the cherry pie seems to be a staple for the country. A dessert that everyone loves.” She closed the door behind her. “Is that true? Do you like it?”
Riri’s eyes followed Shuri as she closed down her desk projections and lay on top of her bed. “Yeah, no, I like it. I mean, it’s cool, but I’m more an apple pie person myself. And most of the people I know probably like apple pie more. There’s also pecan pie, but that’s more of a southern thing; I have family in Georgia and they really love pecan pie…” She wondered if her answer sufficed and promptly decided it didn’t. “Or pumpkin. But I think that’s more of a seasonal thing. I think. That and sweet potato.” Moving to lie down on the loveseat against the wall, she felt good about her response and chose another topic. “What about y’all? I haven’t really done any research on Wakanda but I feel like no one would really know anything accurate, given the whole isolationist thing.” She pulled the folded blanket over herself.
“It depends on who you ask. Wakanda’s never been affected by colonization or slavery and vibranium-based agricultural techniques allow us to plant any crops we wish in droves so our cuisine has only ever been limited by our imagination. My favorite ‘traditional’ thing to eat is nyama choma with ugali and kachumbari.” She beamed at the thought. “Grilled lamb with stiff corn porridge and tomato salad. My mouth is watering already. But I’ve always wanted to try more American food, like cheesecake. Or tater tots. Or pizza.”
Riri cocked her head to the side and mumbled as if she didn't want anyone to hear her, “Wait a minute, you’ve never had pizza?”
She giggled. “I only went to America for the first time just before The Blip and most of my time there was spent working. I didn’t exactly get to explore the food scene.”
“Okay, well, when all this shit is over with and I get back to The States, the first thing we’re going to do is get you some pizza. Matter of fact, I’ll take you home to Chicago. Sure, you can try the deep dish, but if you wanna eat like a local, I’ve got some great spots that serve the best thin crust you’ll eat in your life. And before we leave, whenever everyone gets back into your city, your nyama choma will be the first thing I try.”
Shuri was grinning, but it faltered. “ If everyone gets back to the city. If I don’t get this right, there will be no city for people to come back to. There may not even be a people.”
Her doubt sat in the air, removing the cloak they’d worked to create and unconcealing the threat of what they were facing.
“Look, maybe I was wrong,” Riri admitted. “You shouldn’t have to pretend you’re fine if you’re not or find ways to distract yourself. You’re going through some pretty unimaginable shit right now and if studying the archives and plotting ways to kill Namor is what helps you move through it, you should do that. But turning it onto yourself is the wrong answer, Shuri.” With no visible change in Shuri’s mood, she abruptly went back to the small stuff. “Favorite color, go.”
They stayed up for another two hours talking about nothing, everything, and the stuff in between. When Riri started dozing off in between questions and answers, Shuri made an offer. “You know, you don’t have to sleep over there. It can’t be comfortable.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Riri slurred. “How old were you when you learned to ride a hoverbike? And a regular one? You drove like a pro in Boston.”
“My bed is clearly big enough for the both of us. You can have the other side. Take it from someone who has dozed off in the exact position you are in now, it’s not a great place to be for too long.”
She ignored her. “So back to the space thing. You say Wakanda’s been to space and has a space exploration task force. So is it like Star Trek? But all Black?”
“That slight crink in your neck right now will make it impossible to turn your head in the morning,” Shuri nagged, utilizing her power of persuasion. “And that subtle discomfort at the base of your spine will become a pinched nerve if you’re not careful. And your legs may be shorter than mine, but the spot where your ankles are rubbing together in that fetal position will soon hurt so bad you’ll only be able to wear sandals and low top sneakers.” If Riri was going to spend the entire night with her, the least she could do was give her a comfortable place to rest.
“Oh, my god. I’m not getting in your bed. The last thing I need is somebody busting in here thinking I was trying to suffocate you with one of your own pillows.”
Shuri frowned. “I’m the princess. People don’t ‘bust’ into anything of mine.”
Riri eyed her sleepily. “You sure?”
Instinctively, Shuri just eyed her back, keeping up their banter. She almost laughed and cried all at once; her emotions were all over the place but things with Riri still felt so… natural. She could feel herself slipping away, but the American somehow kept her (somewhat) intact.
Said American slugged her way over to the other side of Shuri’s bed, resting atop the duvet with her blanket. As soon as she hit the mattress, she sighed, groaned, moaned, and whatever else you would call that noise of utter relief. She mumbled into the pillow, “Damn, this feels good. Y’all got vibranium-infused mattresses or something?”
A chuckle from Shuri. “We have vibranium-infused everything. But this is a mattress I designed specifically to adjust to tension in the body and pressure points based on the orientation of the sleeper. It scans you and automatically conforms to your body’s needs, providing the best sleep of your life every night.”
“Mmm.” Riri had already started falling back asleep.
“You can also get under the covers, you know.”
“I’m good right here. What were we talking about again?”
Even through whatever this was she was feeling, Shuri grinned a little watching the girl beside her drift off. “Thank you for staying up with me, Riri. But I meant it when I said you should get some rest. You shouldn’t wait on me; I can’t sleep. Not tonight.”
“Why not?” She propped herself up, more alert and kicking herself for asking that. “I mean I know why, of course. But if you wanna talk about it?”
She averted her gaze. How could she? What was there for her to talk about? Her mother was dead. The mere thought made her want to implode. And she was supposed to speak it out loud? Still, Riri made her feel like it was worth a shot. “I have no family. Namor is coming back to wipe my entire country out. My brother was supposed to be Wakanda’s protector. He’s supposed to be here. He’s supposed to be finding a way to defeat Namor. Not me. I’m not built for this. I can’t figure Namor out, and he’s the person I go to when I can’t figure something out. Him or,” she took the note from the lump forming in her throat and stopped speaking.
Riri could see in the way the princess’ brows knitted together and her chest caved in that Shuri had gone somewhere inside her mind. She sat up beside her, touching their shoulders to help re-ground her. “I’m not gonna say I’m sorry because that’s what everyone always says and it won’t bring them back.” Something she knew firsthand. “What I will say is-“
She was cut off by a gasp beside her. Or was it a sob?
As if on cue, Riri’s eyes caught Shuri’s chest rising slowly before falling and rising rapidly. “Hey,” she grabbed her hand without hesitation, without fear, “whatever it is, Shuri, let it go.”
“I can’t,” she whimpered.
“Yes, you can. I promise.”
“It won’t stop coming. I can feel it. I’ve felt it for an entire year, Riri. It never stops coming unless I keep it down.”
“It never stops coming because you feel like you need to keep it down. Shuri, you have to be open to it. You have to sit with it.”
Tears pricked Shuri’s eyes and she shook her head rapidly. “No. It’s too much. It’s—”
“It’s not too much because you have me. You’re not alone, you hear me?” Riri lifted Shuri’s chin, turning her head so that they could be face to face. “I’m right here. I got you.”
“Riri.” Shuri looked up, helpless and feeling her last semblance of control loosening itself from her grasp.
“I know. It hurts, I know. But you can do this. It’s okay, you’re okay.”
“I can’t, I,” Shuri whined as her pain, raw and searing, took over. Her sobs erupted from the center of her being, somewhere so deep she didn’t know it existed. There was no way to stifle them or keep them short. The ache within her grew as her cries were forced out of her, wrested from her. She couldn’t think and her senses had been rendered useless. She couldn’t even speak for her wailing. All there was was the most profound and earth-shattering agony. The splitting of the one million pieces into two. This was the breaking she was afraid of.
But Riri was unafraid and kept her word, pulling Shuri into her and comforting her in whatever way she could. She continued talking her through her grief while rocking them back and forth and stroking Shuri’s back, cheek, hand, or wherever else. She kept reminding her that she was here and that Shuri was safe to give in to her grief. She held steady as the taller woman’s body shook and her cries rang throughout the large bedroom.
That morning, Riri’s eyes danced open to see Shuri fast asleep in her arms. She let out a mental sigh of relief. After crying, it didn’t take Shuri long to fall asleep and Riri followed not long after. She was just glad Shuri stayed that way.
In the time that Shuri beat Riri to sleep, the younger girl found herself tearing up, being brought back to the night that she lost everything. Luckily she managed not to wake the princess, but something about Shuri’s losses brought up so much surrounding her own. Losing your brother and best friend, a parent dying right in front of you, both without warning, it shook Riri to her core how much that sounded like her own story.
Riri’s heart hurt for her. Shuri was asleep but it was obvious that it wasn’t incredibly restful as far as sleeps go. Every now and then, Shuri would frown or her breath would hitch and God only knows what she was dreaming about, but RIri doubted it was good. Still, sleep is sleep and the body needs it, so she didn’t wake her. While she wanted to grieve herself, Riri had to be here for her now. Shuri needed her. Maybe not her exactly, but Shuri was so closed off to everyone else. Avoidant and idling. They knew her so well and watched the way everything rolled off her back; they didn’t think they had to worry too much about her. She needed someone she didn’t have that with, someone who had no expectations of her.
She was pulled out of her train of thought by Shuri stirring. Her frown deepened and her breaths became uneven. Then, in an instant, she brought her arm around Riri’s waist and tugged it firmly. Her breathing slowed and her muscles relaxed. It was then that Riri understood her place and purpose here. After a few moments, she left the room.
“Wake up, you,” Riri said upon her return, squeezing Shuri’s shoulder gently.
Shuri’s eyes opened but she lay in bed, unable to or not interested in moving.
“I got you some water, you’re bound to be dehydrated. And some willow bark tea, in case you had a headache or anything. Griot recommended it. Actually, Griot said you hate stand-alone tea, so I made it into a little latte. I like to get my Starbucks on every now and then, you know?” Riri chuckled as she bragged but her joke didn’t move the girl in bed. “I’m not gonna presume to know what you’re feeling, but I’m not gonna let you sit and wallow when we’ve got a world to save. So get up, have your latte, and let’s get some breakfast and get to work. We leave in 30.” She left to go get ready.
When she returned, the water and latte cups were both empty. She silently thanked god. Shuri walked into the bedroom from her bathroom fully dressed and sat down on her bed, resting her head between her knees.
Riri joined her, placing a hand on her back as she bent over. She rubbed her thumb back and forth soothingly.
“We have ships. Naval ships. Lots of them. But we have one, the Royal Sea Leopard. It’s a combination aircraft carrier and destroyer. That’s what we should use. It–“
“Uh, good morning to you, too?” Riri said.
“The ship can’t carry many people, but I don’t want it to. We need a minimal crew for minimal casualties.” Shuri sat upright. “If we can’t figure out how to adequately defend ourselves against Namor’s people, we’ll have mass casualties, no matter how many warriors are on board.”
Riri was confused. Just a few hours ago, Shuri was a sobbing mess. Now, she was back in war mode like it never happened. She knew grief did that to a person, but she’d never seen it quite like this before. “You know I’m all with you on this, but you don’t wanna take a second to just–“
“Just be? I’m all good on that, thanks,” She answered with a little more attitude than she probably realized. She rose and made her way to her desk, where she sent letters and numbers flying into the air, writing things Riri couldn’t understand. Regretting the way she mouthed off again, she tried to sound concerned as she asked, “Have you eaten yet? You should have some breakfast, today’s going to be a long day in the lab.”
“We both need to eat, but fine.” Riri gave in, seeing what the energy was for today. She made her way over to the desk, crossing her arms. “Let’s talk war. You want to fight on the water why? Seems to me like the way to avoid mass casualties is to not fight where the Talokanil are strongest."
“Do you honestly think Namor is stupid enough to fight a war with the most powerful nation of the surface world away from their environment? He would never give up the home advantage.”
“You are.” She quipped.
Shuri clicked her teeth at her. “I’m trying to kill Namor, not learn tactics from him.”
Riri’s stomach growled as she smiled, reminding her to get on with it. “Okay, we can finish this debate after we eat. No one thinks right on an empty stomach. Come on.”
Shuri stood as Riri headed for the door. She looked over from her station. “I’m sorry.”
Riri turned around.
“About last night. That was… I didn’t want to bring you into my-“
“Uh uh, no. Don’t you ever apologize for feeling. Ever. It’s proof that you’re still human.” She closed the distance between them. “And who cares who gets ‘brought into it?’ I was here, I’ve been here as a bunch of this shit has happened, and I’m gonna keep being here for you. Cool?”
Shuri nodded, unsure of how to respond. She was starting to notice Riri left her feeling that way a lot.
“Now can we please go get something to eat? I’m wasting away over here.” Riri nudged her with a laugh and led them out.