Chapter Text
Natasha doesn’t know what to do. You only left her home alone with Lily after she insisted you take Olivia to her dance class. It’s how things usually went. Often you would switch days. One of you would take Olivia to class and the other would occupy Lily at home. Sometimes the loud noises and the music would amp her up and none of the other kids in Olivia’s class would focus. Which Olivia didn’t really seem to like. It was her time and you both understood that.
This brings Natasha to now where she’s sitting with a crying Lily on her bedroom floor. She’s throwing a tantrum. Most likely overstimulated from all of the excitement from today and she needs a nap. Just minutes ago she bit Natasha’s hand, gotten scolded, and proceeded to throw herself against the floor. Then came the wrestling where she ripped her cochlear implants from her head tossing them as far as she could throw. It’s a new thing she’s learning that you warned Natasha about. When she’s overwhelmed or downright angry she takes them off. In this case, she can’t concentrate on one thing and she needs a hearing break.
Natasha looks around the room for anything to help Lily’s tantrum subside and she spots the rocking chair in the corner. She stands up to go and flick the lights off, tears pricking her eyes, as she thinks about something she read in one of the many baby books she’s consumed over the past few weeks. Lily cries louder, slamming her feet against the ground, as she tries to understand why Natasha was leaving her.
Nat quickly moves around the room shutting off anything that seemed to be getting her riled up. She finds the cochlear implants, tucking them into the bookshelf nearby before she crosses the room to stand in front of Lily. Conscious of her still broken ribs she lifts the little girl into her arms to go and sit together in the chair.
Lily pushes against her chest, fighting the calmness that Natasha brings, as the woman shushes her. Realizing that any words she says Lily wouldn’t hear, Natasha gently presses Lily against her chest to feel the vibrations of her voice and her heart beating. Lily sniffles calming down just enough to bring her thumb into her mouth.
“Mama,” She mumbles tucking her other hand under Natasha’s shirt. She’s asking for comfort in the only way she knows how and Natasha stiffens. Can she do that? Is it allowed? Would it be weird ? The child in her arms is hers. She doesn’t think of Natasha any differently. Natasha wonders what you would think. If you’d be angry with her. Lily presses again and Natasha finally makes a decision for herself. For Lily. She adjusts them, as she moves the strap of her tank top down her shoulder to reveal her left breast. The anxiety she feels in this moment is lost as Lily leads the way. She latches on with ease, unaware of Natasha’s internal battle. Natasha let’s out a small gasp at the foreign feeling. There’s not much milk left as she hasn’t done this in a while. Probably not since before the accident. She can feel fresh tears springing to the corner of her eyes as she forces herself to look at the toddler in her arms. Lily hums to herself, completely content now, as she suckles steadily from Natasha’s breast.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been all here lately,” Natasha begins. Lily’s eyes flutter open at the feeling of her speaking. She admires Natasha’s face bringing a finger up to poke at her cheeks. Natasha let’s out a watery laugh grabbing onto Lily’s prying fingers to kiss each of them. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” She shakes her head. “Even if I don’t I think we can make new memories. Yeah?” Natasha presses her feet against the floor to rock the chair. “I can teach you Russian. Which I’ve probably already been doing. Which would make you multi-lingual since you know ASL too.” Natasha tilts her head back becoming a bit overwhelmed herself. “You and Olivia are the best things to ever happen to me and I promise I’m going to be better for you.” Natasha doesn’t receive a response just a light hum from Lily in agreement. Good enough.