Work Text:
"suzuki," ritsu greets, phone in hand held to his ear.
"ritsu!! hey, you're free right now, yeah?"
"mmm…" he hums in thought, turning the call on speaker and setting his phone down on his desk, picking up his pen again. "i've actually got a, uh..—"
"c'mon rit, i know your schedule. your classes ended two hours ago."
"yes, and now i'm doing my work for those classes . the work i need to do to pass," ritsu says, scrawling away on paper. he adds, snidely: "not that you would know anything about that."
"hey!" shou protests. "listen, man, i think you're due for a break."
"unfortunately, those don't fit within my schedule. goodbye, shou." ritsu doesn't really go to hang up.
"wait!" shou exclaims. he switches tactics. "c'mon, ritsu. you'll go out with me, right? station in 10? right?"
you'll go out with me, right? fuck. he makes it sound like… ritsu’s face warms.
he can hear the puppy-dog eyes through the phone. not that he could ever turn down shou anyways. (which the redhead is astutely aware of, and uses to his advantage.)
"...we'll see." he says, instead, setting down his pen.
"great! see you then," shou giggles and hangs up, not giving ritsu the opportunity to respond.
he sighs, glancing at his half filled paper. he can finish it later, right? right.
he slams his notebook shut.
……<
the air is warm but the breeze is crisp on the skin, early in the evening in summer. the fresh air soothes ritsu's lungs. its grounding and yet shocking, like pulling himself out of deep water. the path he takes is familiar, giving him time to think.
he thinks…he thinks about…
suzuki. writing. work. walking. suzuki. physics. the plants growing on the side of the road. suzuki. dinner. suzuki, suzuki, suzuki shou.
fuck.
the boy who stumbled into his life and turned it inside out. he's scared. scared of suzuki and yet he can't look away and he doesn't know what it means. he's a flickering candle flame, in and out, and ritsu is scared because he’s flimsy as paper when it comes to shou and maybe he wants to be burned. what does it all mean?
shou lives on the other side of town but ritsu knows he makes the trip to meet him at the subway station a short walk from his place. its their routine. just theirs. what does it mean?
what does it mean when ritsu's heart falls a little for every day shou doesn't respond to his text? what does it mean that sometimes he can’t focus on work, when suzuki pulls his disappearing act? what does it mean when his heart jumps a little every time his phone pings only to find its just shigeo, or mom, or dad, or someone from school? (he doesn't like thinking about his responsibilities, yeah.)
but he has no time to ponder this as he sees fiery red in the distance. fiery red upon a fiery background and yet it's still brighter than the sunset. suzuki is brighter than the sunset. brighter than anything else could ever be.
"yo, ritsu!" and he's turned around and his cool eyes wash over ritsu, cooler than the breeze.
suzuki is more of everything than ritsu has ever known, and he doesn't know what to think of that. the world turned upside down when suzuki entered his life and he’s trying to balance, trying to clean up the mess it’s made. trying to convince himself it’s not significant.
"suzuki," he greets, easily. safely. thinking about suzuki has put him in some sort of mood, and he half-feels like hiding.
"c'mon," shou grabs ritsu's elbow, dragging him through the door. "we gotta buy our tickets."
shou is chattering on about new transit developments in the city, about which portions of which lines are closed right now, about how the government is mismanaging everything. ritsu doesn't pay attention to these things but it's comforting to hear him talk passionately.
in front of the ticket booth, he lets shou take care of it and takes in his surroundings instead. it's always like this, shou is a riptide taking ritsu along for the ride.
"ok, so," shou holds out a ticket to ritsu, and they start walking to the fare gates. "we'll be taking the southbound."
ritsu hums in agreement.
"we'll go down 5 stops, then transfer onto," shou pauses to point at a map on the wall. "line 9 heading west."
"right." he’s eyeing the curve of shou’s jaw instead of listening.
"finally, we'll take a bus going south again."
ritsu can't make sense of it but he hums again. he'll have to trust suzuki on this one. (and he does.)
“got that?”
“sure,” ritsu says, automatically. though he hasn’t really got it, shou knows.
he slides his ticket into the receiver and pushes through the turnstile, grabbing his marked ticket out the other end. beside him, shou does the same. as they walk together down the stairs to the platform, shou contemplates aloud.
“or, we could transfer onto line 3,” shou pulls a map from his pocket, pointing it out to ritsu. “it’s a bit slower but more scenic. what do you think?”
ritsu shrugs, “either is fine.” it doesn’t make much difference to him.
“mm, let’s just stick to the original plan, then.” shou shrugs back, walking a few steps ahead. “it’ll be dark soon anyways.”
when they reach the platform, shou flops down onto the ground, cross-legged. ritsu remains standing beside him. the silence between them doesn't have to be filled, but he's still glad when suzuki fills it anyways.
"i’ve been trying to teach nade and tsunz some tricks!" shou’s looking up at him, excited smile on his face. “tsunz can roll over now.”
the station isn't too crowded at this time, though he can still feel the remnants of rush hour. ritsu hopes the trains won't be too crowded either.
“nade, well, i’m not saying she’s stupid , but…” he pauses to search for words.
ritsu hears the low rumbling of the subway train before he sees the light in the tunnel. it pulls into the station, generating wind that whips his hair and clothes wildly. he runs his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm it down. the large “⑫” painted on each carriage denotes the line they’re on, not that ritsu does much with that information. he doesn’t catch the tail-end of shou’s hamster-talk over the grating sound of the train coming to a stop.
shou is saying, "c'mon", and grabbing his arm again. it's crowded enough that they can't find a seat, so they stand near each other in a corner.
“don’tcha wanna know where we’re going?"
ritsu raises an eyebrow. “you never tell me anyways.”
shou snickers. “i know! that’s not what i asked, though.”
“no,” ritsu answers, honestly. he finds he couldn’t care less where they’re going. he finds he just cares that he’s with suzuki.
“huh.” that makes shou pause. pause turns to full stop because he doesn’t say anything after that. ritsu is worried he’s made it awkward.
ritsu resigns to staring out the window, but when they enter a tunnel, his gaze drifts down to shou. who stares right back. suddenly, the fevered sunlight is piercing through the window again but ritsu hardly notices, if not for the way it falls across suzuki's face. his lips curl up softly and ritsu is entranced by the motion.
"Arriving at: 🟦🟩🟧 Station. Interchange for Line 4."
the announcement snaps him out of his daze and he looks away quickly. looking around, this is apparently a popular stop as many people exit the carriage. ritsu spots an empty pair of seats.
"wanna go sit?" he asks.
"yeah," shou answers, easy.
ritsu takes the inside (window) seat because he likes it, not so he has something to look at besides suzuki. shou settles into the seat beside him, absently fiddling with his hands. he doesn’t know what to say today, so he lets shou talk instead. he’s grateful, actually, that shou can basically hold a one-man conversation, on days like these.
ritsu feels eyes on him but he’s scared to look. then he feels a hand on his hand and his eyes are forcefully torn away to land on his lap, where he finds pale, boney fingers just resting on his. he flicks his gaze up to meet shou’s eyes, then around the carriage to see if anyone’s watching. everyone is doing their own thing, as expected. ritsu’s chest feels weird. his breathing feels weird. his head feels weird. he doesn’t know what it means. he just looks away, looks out the window to the fading sun painting vibrant hues across the sky. his eyes don’t move and neither does shou’s hand, the rest of the ride.
……<
"Arriving at: 🟥🟧🟨🟩🟦🟪 Station. Interchange for Line 9."
“this is our stop, by the way. and i get the window seat this time,” shou says.
the train pulls into the station, shou and ritsu step out onto the platform. ritsu and suzuki. now there’s a thought. ritsu doesn’t know if he likes having this thought in his brain.
shou takes the lead, guiding them down a set of stairs to another platform, intermittently glancing behind his shoulder to check if ritsu is still there.
“they just finished an extension for this line, actually,” shou says, “not that it affects us. but still good to know. although i really think they could’ve used the money to link up lines 4 and 5.”
shou talks enough for the both of them, really.
they arrive at the platform. this one is much less crowded, only a handful of people are waiting, giving them a bit of privacy. it’s a decent wait, though; the time on the screen says 8 minutes. shou leans against the wall this time.
“ritsu, you’re weirdly quiet today, y’know that? you okay?” shou asks. “i mean, you’re already pretty quiet most of the time…”
he’s rambling. “b-but, you can talk to me, y’know?”
“i’m sorry,” ritsu offers an apology, habitually. “just got a lot on my mind.” mostly you, unfortunately.
“ah, no, don’t apologise! i just… it’s just that, um,” shou is very not looking at him right now, eyes flicking between the few other people on the platform and his shoes. he lowers his voice slightly. “i care about you, alright?”
ritsu’s heart feels floaty. stop. he grounds himself, and his heart. his face must redden because shou seems to take a cue to continue.
“i know you like to just… bottle everything up. cause you don’t wanna burden people or whatever. and you think you can deal with it all yourself.” he’s rambling, shou-like. then he seems to gain a boost of confidence, speaking with determination. “fuck that, man. you’re not a burden, but if you’re gonna be convinced you are, then i’m here to be burdened. cause that’s what friends are for, yeah?”
“i— thank you, suzuki.” ritsu offers a smile, as best he can. “really, i’ve just got a lot going on with school.”
it’s true, school is causing him a lot of stress. especially now that he’s in his senior year. but it’s definitely exacerbated by whatever the hell suzuki shou’s doing to him. he can’t exactly tell him that, suzuki doesn’t deserve that.
shou looks unconvinced. he really reads ritsu too easily.
“ritsu, one day you’re going to have to learn that you can’t carry the whole world on your shoulders.” shou’s gaze is intense. ritsu is surprised at his words. when did he learn to talk like that?
“i-it’s not the whole world. it’s just stupid crap. it doesn’t matter.” he's so surprised, apparently, that he forgot to keep being emo and mysterious. “i mean—”
“ritsu, " shou interrupts. "we've known each other for five years. you're one of, if not my closest friend. not that i have too many of those but that's beyond the point."
ritsu snorts. "that makes two of us."
"the point is…" shou trails off. fuck, did he lose the point? "... the point is, i care about you and it sucks that i can't do anything to help you cause you're some sort of masochist determined to suffer through everything yourself."
"i'm not…"
shou raises an eyebrow.
"okay, yeah, maybe i do that."
"mhm. and…even though i know i disappear sometimes, i try. i'll try, to be there. okay?"
this feels unfamiliar to ritsu, but he nods.
finally, finally, ritsu feels the low rumbling, followed by the sound, followed by the light approaching in the tunnel. again, the wind rushes across the platform, and its comforting, familiar, would-be refreshing if not for the general stench of the underground. he could get used to this.
they can see through the windows that this train is mostly empty. ritsu and shou choose seats far away from everyone else, on one end of the carriage hidden behind another pair of seats. as promised, shou slides in first, though it's hard to see much outside now.
shou immediately leans into ritsu, slightly resting his head on his shoulder. " 'm a bit tired.."
ritsu does not know what this feeling is.
…
he can't stew in denial for much longer before he's cooked to literal mush. he decides to open his mouth before he thinks twice.
"suzuki… have you ever…liked someone? or dated someone?" ritsu cringes as soon as the words leave his mouth.
this apparently makes shou pause, and he sits up."yeah, i guess so. its only natural, right? human nature. haha."
"um… how could you tell? that you liked them, i mean." he presses on. no going back.
"well, i suppose it's a bit different for everyone… if you think you might like someone, why not give it a shot and find out? experience is important; you gotta do the field research."
ritsu hums, thinking.
"so, this is what's been bothering you, huh?" shou pulls away to give ritsu a look, grinning. "who's the lucky girl?"
ritsu groans. "that's none of your business."
"it is so! you're my best friend, i've gotta know!" shou seems to have suddenly regained all his energy. "c'mon, i'll be the best wingman you've ever had."
"you would also be the only wingman i've ever had." ritsu says pointedly. "not that i need one."
"ooh, i love that confidence!"
"i— its not…!" ritsu lets out a sigh, defeated.
" Arriving at: 🟨🟪🟩🟥🟧 Station."
"mm, seriously though," shou says. "feelings are confusing. you really just need to experience them to figure them out. i have a feeling you're the type to keep being in denial, but that's anti-productive, really. you gotta let yourself feel things."
…ritsu is uncomfortable with how spot-on he is.
"oh, did i hit the nail right on the head?" shou snickers.
"shut up.."
"i think you should shoot your shot, man! you're pretty hot shit, who could turn you down?" he offers some attempt at reassurance. its true, ritsu has grown into himself quite well.
you could, i guess. (its the only thought he allows himself to have; the thought of failure.)
…he turns away, hoping it will hide his pink cheeks.
"oh, come on! don't tell me you don't know."
"i— let's change the subject, yeah? how's your mom these days?"
shou doesn't mind dropping the subject, though he hopes they'll come back to this later. he really does what to know what kind of person would draw kageyama ritsu's attention.
"she's great! we went out for ice cream the other day, actually." shou smiles, "did you know there are people who don't like chocolate ice cream? its crazy…"
"i'm one of them," ritsu snorts.
"what!? don't jeopardise our friendship like that, ritsu!" shou's eyes are wide. "you can't just.. not like chocolate ice cream!"
"cope and seethe, cause i don't." ritsu huffs a laugh. "strawberry is better."
"you're weird."
"whatever."
…
they both burst out laughing, suddenly. its comfortable again. ritsu is relieved.
"Arriving at: 🟥🟨🟪🟦🟧🟩 Station."
"we have…2 more stops to go."
shou is pressing against him and settling his head on his shoulder again, and ritsu feels…he feels something. but he doesn't want to think about it right now. its comfortable. he doesn't have to think. is his face red?
"the tunnels look cool, even when we're underground, you can still kinda see."
ritsu can't really see.
"did you hear about the fire here a few weeks ago? i mean, i wasn't caught in the fire, but i did get delayed by it."
"yeah, i heard about it," ritsu says. "no one was hurt, right?"
"yeah, that's what i heard. wonder what started it." shou says.
"mm, i know a certain someone with a penchant for arson," ritsu laughs.
"hey!"
he likes the easy conversation.
shou keeps his hands staunchly in his own lap. ritsu wishes he would reach over again, but he can't bring himself to. what does it mean..?
ritsu's brain is a mess as they finally pull into their stop.
"this is our stop, let's go," shou stands to exit and ritsu follows. "we gotta go up to street level to take the bus."
shou is walking ahead, again.
"although, we could take the walk instead. it's not too far, whaddaya think?"
"sure, why not?" ritsu shrugs. he could use a walk, to clear his head, to be honest.
"walking it is! this street is pretty cool," shou remarks.
they make their way to the exit gates, once again feeding their tickets into the receiver and pushing through.
ritsu has no idea where they are until they exit the station doors, when he realises they're in the city centre. he takes in the streets lined with restaurants and food carts, separated by dark alleys filled with trash and the occasional rat. it's in stark contrast to the sparse, sanitised outskirts where ritsu lives. even at this hour, people are milling about. he finds he likes the hustle and bustle. it makes him feel insignificant.
shou is looking back at him and he realises he's stopped walking. the bright lights cast stark shadows on his face and oh, suzuki is handsome. his eyes are glimmering and his mouth is moving and.. is he talking?
"—itsu? you there?"
his lips are pretty. "huh?"
"you okay?"
"yeah!" ritsu winces. "yeah, i'm fine."
"sure. let's go?" shou tilts his head in question. ritsu nods and follows.
shou leads them down the street, weaving in and through the people.
"did you know this was one of the original major arterial roads in this city? nowadays though, car access is restricted. which is nice, cause now we won't get run over!"
that is nice, yeah. ritsu wouldn't like suzuki to be a splat on the road.
"woah, check out that cool sign!! its all cool neon and shit…"
it is a cool sign.
"ah, the sidewalk is restricted here." shou pauses in front of the tape. "we could take another route?"
ritsu shrugs so shou leads them down a side street. they only walk a few steps down the dark street before shou reaches to grasp his wrist. and ritsu is swept away in the waves. shou is a force of nature; ritsu is powerless against him.
its hard to see with the streetlights off, for some reason, but shou still makes a point to talk about the trees and houses; playing a game of giving each house a number rating.
finally, they pull out into a main street again, and shou promptly drops his arm. what does it mean? he's confused, but he doesn't have time to be confused.
"we're almost there!"
they're walking side by side now, this area has much fewer people on the sidewalk.
"woah, check out that graffiti!" shou exclaims. "it looks so cool…"
ritsu's not much into art but he has to agree.
the rest of the walk is occasionally interjected with shou's observations. ritsu likes to listen to him, even if he'll forget the words later.
finally, shou stops in front of… an ice cream shop? he's smiling widely. "ice cream?"
……<
the cold, sweet melon treat is respite, even in the relatively cool evening, ritsu is grateful for it. they just enjoy it and walk. he doesn't know where they're going, and it doesn't much matter to him. it's him, suzuki, and ice cream. what a thought.
it seems shou has finally run out of energy, too, and they chill in comfortable silence. suzuki is comfortable. ritsu takes in the world. he thought about suzuki's words from earlier. to let himself feel… maybe he could do that. maybe he could try that. he opens his mouth to talk but shou beats him to it.
"by the way, there's one more place i want to show you."
yeah, his feelings could wait, right?
"lead the way."
……<
they take their time, though, the sun long past the horizon. then, shou ducks into an alley. ritsu follows, looking on in confusion as shou climbs on top of the dumpster. its got one lid open and one lid closed, and shou comfortably perches on the closed lid like a cat. "what…"
"come on, ritsu! here, i'll help you up." shou holds out a hand, grinning wildly.
ritsu is pretend-cautious but he would trust suzuki with his life. he holds out his hand, and shou grasps his wrist. suddenly, his heart feels weird. weird good. its overwhelming for a moment. he can't think.
"ready?"
his other hand grips the rim of the bin and he nods. in one solid tug, ritsu feels like he takes a leap in more ways than one. his feet land solidly on the lid of the dumpster.
"i know it looks like a bit of a jump, but we're gonna have to grab onto that ladder over there." shou gestures toward a long, rusty ladder extending down from the roof of the building.
"that.. does not seem safe."
"don't worry! it'll be fine, yeah? if my short ass legs can get me up there, then you sure as hell can too." shou reassures him. "here, i'll go first."
ritsu is unconvinced but won't turn back now. he watches as shou flips the other lid of the bin closed to create a larger platform. he gets a running start, and leaps across the alley to grab onto the rungs.
"i mean, if you're scared, i could always just fly us up. i really think this is part of the experience, though." he winks and turns to start climbing. "c'mon!"
welp. here goes nothing.
……<
as he pulls himself up on the last rung of the ladder, ritsu looks over the edge and sees shou, sitting on the edge and looking, staring at something.
"suzuki, why did…" ritsu follows shou's gaze as he approaches, and finds.. a river. "... you…"
the stunning view steals ritsu's words. the land here slopes down into the riverbank, the building they're on sits at the very edge of flat land. the river is wide, splits the city in two. he can see boats floating along, and the bright lights of a city skyline right across. to the east lies a bridge, one of many along the length of this river.
ritsu joins shou to sit on the edge of the roof. they're silent, taking in the view and the night. its calming.
"hey, you never told me who it is."
"huh?" ritsu looks at him, confused.
"this mysterious maybe-crush of yours. who's the lucky gal?" shou grins cheekily. "ooh, should i guess?"
"what, no!" ritsu says quickly.
"then who? don't leave me hanging, man!" shou whines. "we're best friends and i don't even know this?"
ritsu is silent for a moment. fuck it.
"what if…what if it was you? what then?" ritsu's heart is pounding.
shou looks…genuinely surprised, mouth open slightly. ritsu is about to backtrack when—
"then… i'd ask to kiss you."
"...yes."
"yes, what?" shou teases.
"yes, you can—"
but he doesn't finish because shou is suddenly really close, lips-touching close. and oh, suzuki is kissing him. it's clumsy and awkward, and ritsu has no idea what he's doing, but damn if it's not perfect because it's suzuki, suzuki shou and ritsu would have no one else. shou sighs happily into it, grasping at ritsu. fingers find their way into ritsu's hair, comfortingly. ritsu doesn't know what to do with himself. when he pulls away, shou is giggling, and ritsu can't help but smile. neither of them say anything, until —
"hey, about time you call me shou, yeah?" he says. "i mean, we can't gay kiss on a rooftop and still have you call me suzuki. its not right!"
"um.. ah, sure. yeah." he likes the idea.
"shou." he tastes the word in his mouth, sweet and sour like candy. he runs his tongue over it, smooth like porcelain.
"mhm?"
"shou…what is this? what does this make us?"
shou just shrugs. "it doesn't have to be anything. it can be whatever we want it to be. we can be whatever we want to be."
"i don't know what… i-i don't know what i want."
"we can figure it out." shou's smile is soft and easy. it looks good on him.
was it that easy? could it really be that easy? he says as such.
"i mean, yeah." shou makes eye contact look easy. ritsu doesn't know when he became like this. "only we define who we are, what we are, right?"
right. it sounds right. anything could sound right, coming out of shou's mouth.
in the five years he knew shou, two of which they were friends, for the first time he feels unfamiliar. instead of being scared of that, ritsu finds he wants to find out more, wants to become familiar for real , instead of whatever comfort of the unknown they had going on.
"can you do it again?"
" yes, ritsu. yes i can." shou giggles, and its the loveliest sound he's ever heard. ritsu's heart feels like it doesn't fit in his chest anymore.
shou's lips gently meet his, again, and ritsu's eyes fall shut. he's hyper-aware of his hands all of a sudden, as shou's hand reaches up to brush his cheek while the other one intertwines with his own. he reaches his other hand over to rest on shou's thigh. ritsu still has no idea what he's doing but tries to follow shou's lead.
when they pull away, shou is snickering.
"you suck at this." he's smiling though, adoringly. "but, don't worry! you'll have many more opportunities to learn!"
yeah, ritsu could really get used to this.