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Chuuya wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered. He didn’t like the cold—it reminded him too much of the darkness of N’s lab—and he hadn’t expected the place to snow in the middle of June.
Plus, he was hungry, which just made it worse.
He leaned over to look at Dazai, who was going through how much cash they had. It would be a while before another wire came through and they needed to ration what they had between food and gas.
They considered using a card when they first arrived in the States, but the idea was quickly shot down. The Port Mafia’s influence might not be as strong here as it was back in Japan, but it was still a very real threat. Fake identities could only take them so far.
“How much do we have?” Chuuya asked, resting his chin on Dazai’s shoulder.
Dazai glanced at the menu posted on the window of the diner, then at the sign of the gas station across the street. “Enough to share something,” he said.
“Well, what are we waiting for?” Chuuya said, getting up. “Come on, I’m starving. The gas price will be cheaper once we leave the area.”
Dazai hummed. It was true. They were in a tourist area—after all, Yellowstone was practically the Disneyland of national parks.
The food was nothing to boast about. It was greasy and a little too cold by the time it got to their table, but it did its job. Chuuya licked the last bit of salt from his fingers and found warmth already turning to his limbs.
Dazai paid for their tab. He watched Dazai chat with the waitress as he paid and wondered when Dazai managed to get so good at English.
Once they were out of the cafe, Chuuya glanced at the sky and let out an annoyed grumble. The snow had stopped while they were eating, but now it was raining.
They made their way to the parking lot down the street, staying mostly under shop awnings to keep themselves dry. The last stretch, though, had no covering. They glanced at each other, and Chuuya pulled out the car keys. Without another word, they moved together, dashing through the rows of parked cars and weaving between the tourists, trying their best to minimize their contact with the freezing rain.
They got to the car nearly at the same time and slammed the doors shut in unison.
Once inside the car, they took a movement to catch their breath.
“Got a destination?” Chuuya turned and asked as he buckled himself in.
Dazai shook his head. “No motels. Have to sleep in the car today.” Chuuya groaned. That meant he was going to wake up tomorrow morning stiff and sore. Not the worst thing that could happen, but not something he was looking forward to.
“Know the place?”
“Yeah,” Dazai said, looking at the map he pulled out from the glove box. “The guy in a store back there told me about this lake. Said we can spend the night there, as long as we leave nothing behind.”
Chuuya hummed in acknowledgement as he pulled out of the parking lot. Sleeping by a lake sounds better than sleeping in a Walmart parking lot.
It wasn’t a long drive to their destination. Somewhere along the way, the misting of rain stopped. The minivan shook and dipped as they drove over the unpaved trail Dazai pointed them down.
Chuuya parked the car and hopped out, observing his surroundings.
They were on a grassy outcropping that was perching over the lake, which was dark under the coming darkness. Across the lake was a small town. Dazai had mentioned the name, but Chuuya didn’t quite catch it. All around the lake were snow-capped mountains. Clouds churned around them, obscuring the peaks.
It was beautiful. Much more beautiful than most places they had slept in so far.
Dazai was getting to work cleaning off the mattress in the back of the minivan. Chuuya knew himself well enough to know that it was so he could get a bigger spot on the bed. Halfway through moving their belongings, the sky suddenly opened up, releasing a downpour of freezing rain. The two boys’ semi-organized cleaning became frantic as they threw everything onto the front seats and squeezed into the car to get out of the rain.
They changed out of their damp clothes in silence, neither looking at the other.
Once changed, they settled down on the mattress. A spring made a creaking noise as they laid down.
“Move over a little,” Chuuya grumbled, elbowing Dazai in the side.
“Stop,” Dazai whined, staunch in his motionlessness. “I’m going to fall off the side.”
“You can’t fall off the side,” Chuuya said, annoyed. “Your side touches the car door.”
Dazai mumbled something unintelligible, but he did move over a little. Chuuya huffed and settled into his spot.
“Why does Chuuya need so much space anyways?” Dazai teased. “He’s so little.”
“Shut it,” Chuuya gave Dazai’s shin a kick. “And whose fault is it again that we’re sleeping in a minivan?”
Dazai grumbled but uncharacteristically fell silent. Chuuya didn’t tease him any further, instead settling down in his spot with his back to Dazai.
The van only had room for a twin-size mattress and, even though Chuuya was on the smaller side, it was still quite a squeeze. They couldn’t avoid their bodies pressing together. Chuuya closed his eyes. It did feel nice, going to sleep with someone else’s warmth pressed against him. Of course, Chuuya would die before admitting that out loud.
He looked out the window at the churning dark blue clouds. He was so tired. Gloomy days like this always seemed to drain the energy out of him. He nestled into his pillow and closed his eyes.
——
Chuuya woke from the cold.
The tip of his nose was numb. He balled up tighter under his sheets. He curled his toes, trying to warm up his freezing limbs. How the hell was Dazai staying asleep?
Finally, he gave up. It was too cold. There was no way he would be able to sleep like this. Chuuya sat up and crawled into the front seat of the car, careful not to wake Dazai up. Not because Dazai hadn’t had a good sleep in days and Chuuya didn’t want to disturb his precious peaceful slumber, of course. It was only because he knew better than anyone how annoying his partner was when someone woke him up against his will. Especially if that someone was Chuuya.
He sat down on the pile of stuff they haphazardly threw into the front when they frantically prepared their mattress for sleeping amid the freezing rain earlier and pulled on his boots.
The rain seemed to have stopped. Chuuya glanced out the front windshield. Above, the clouds have dispersed and stars winked through. He opened the car door, grabbed his coat, and slipped outside.
The air was chilled but his coat managed to ward off most of it. In front, the lake was a dark sheet of glass. The small town that nestled between the lake and the snowy peaks—Chuuya didn’t quite catch the name—was mostly dark, with only a few lights that flickered in the wind. The sheer peaks that rose around them were obscured in dark blue clouds. Above, a silver band of stars stretched on, seemingly infinite.
Chuuya had never seen the Milky Way.
He had heard about it. Kids in the Sheep who had lived in the countryside sometimes talked about it, but Chuuya had never lived anywhere outside of Yokohama. One of his earliest memories was the gray sky of Suribachi City, smudged by the industrial taint. After he joined the Port Mafia, the greasy taint turned into lights so bright it made seeing the night sky nearly impossible.
Even when he eventually began to go overseas for missions, he would nearly always be in cities. When he wasn’t, he was usually too preoccupied by something else to think of going stargazing.
He stood there, leaning his head back. The chilled wind made his eyes water. He didn’t blink. The silver band burned into his field of vision.
He suddenly felt very free. There was only one other car here by the lake, its shape barely discernible in the darkness. He must be the only person awake for miles. The way the mountains loomed made him feel so small, but not in the same way people made him feel small. The latter always annoyed Chuuya. But the way the mountains felt? It felt right. He should be dwarfed by those snowy peaks. He could pretend the world was empty save for him.
He glanced up once again at the stars. They feel so close. Much closer than the occasional lone stars he glimpsed back in Yokohama. If he reached up, if he just went a little higher, perhaps he could reach one, tuck it away in his pocket…
He didn’t realize his skill had activated until the red glow suddenly dissipated as a warm hand closed around his wrist.
He started, turning around and saw the deep brown eyes of his partner, staring at him wordlessly. So dark, deeper than the lake they were perching above.
“Did I wake you?” Chuuya asked. He did feel a little bad. Just a little.
“Don’t leave, Chuuya,” Dazai said quietly. He sounded as if he had spoken just a decibel louder, his voice would’ve cracked and broke.
Wind danced through the grass and their hair. Chuuya opened his lips, but no words came out. Instead, he lowered his eyes and grabbed Dazai’s hand, giving it a squeeze.
He hadn’t missed the rare show of vulnerability.
Chuuya walked over to the front of the car. Dazai walked after him without a word. He climbed onto the front hood, washed clean by the rain. A few moments later, Dazai followed suit and settled down next to him. The windshield was cold and smooth under Chuuya’s back. He kept his eyes trained on the few flickering lights in the town across the lake.
Silence enveloped them. A familiar, comfortable silence of two people who didn’t need words.
Dazai’s fingers, usually colder than Chuuya’s but warm now, found their way to Chuuya’s hand. Chuuya let Dazai entwine their fingers tightly. Then a familiar weight settled on his shoulder. He leaned his head a little to the side, pressing his cheek against Dazai’s fluffy dark curls. Dazai was looking down, staring at their linked hands, his fingers tickling at Chuuya’s palm.
“Did you come with me?” Dazai asked suddenly.
Chuuya leaned his head against the windshield, staring at a wisp of cloud drift across the stars.
He had never gotten to know Oda and Ango. They had always just been Dazai’s friends, someone he would get an earful about once in a while. But he knew they were his friends, knew how much Dazai valued them.
He knew that, despite the front Dazai was putting up, that loss had cut deep. Chuuya had had his own fair share of betrayal and loss. He was good at hiding it, not thinking about it, stuffing them away so deep that even he sometimes forgot about them. But he knew too well the pain of watching his friends die before his eyes.
Dazai annoyed him, got on his nerves, made him lose his temper all the time. But Chuuya wouldn’t—couldn’t—abandon him. Not after everything.
“You started this,” Chuuya said, surprised to hear his own voice so soft, as well. “You need to finish what you started.”
That wasn’t the only reason. That was left unsaid, hanging between them. They both knew what it was, though. The same reason why Dazai had come to Chuuya before leaving. The same reason why Chuuya threw away everything he had built at the Port Mafia, threw away an oath he once thought he would never break.
Dazai gave a soft chuckle. He sounded so defeated. It made Chuuya’s heart tremor. “That means Chuuya is agreeing to be my dog~” his voice carried a fake cheeriness that grinded Chuuya’s gears.
“Shut it before I kick you off,” Chuuya said with a scowl.
Dazai hummed. He also leaned back, looking up at the stars. Chuuya moved closer to him, putting his head on Dazai’s shoulder and wrapping his arms around Dazai’s waist.
Dazai was stiff for a moment, uncharacteristically caught off guard. Then he leaned over and placed his chin on top of Chuuya’s head. His long limbs pulled Chuuya’s closer, one hand absentmindedly running through Chuuya’s loose strands.
They held each other tight. There were no taunts or jabs. It was cold and they both knew neither of them would talk about this come morning.
Chuuya let himself relish in the warmth and closed his eyes against the bright starlight.