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For a week, Finney stayed in his room, occasionally drinking or eating what Gwen brought him. He knew Gwen and his dad were worried about him, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave. Not when Robin won’t be waiting for him on the other side of that door. He won’t because he’s fucking dead .
And he knows, he knows , he’s not being fair to everyone else, especially not Uncle Ricky and Mrs. Arellano. He feels shitty enough as it is, for not visiting them. He knows damn well they’re struggling with the death of Robin just as much as- or maybe even more if that were possible- he is, but he felt anchored to the bed, to his room.
He’s being pathetic and he shouldn’t be this pathetic, hell he killed a man. He had no reason to be acting like this. (That’s what the voice in his head said anyway. The voice sounded suspiciously like his dad .)
With a sniffle, he pulled his covers up and over his head. Memories flashed through his mind, memories of the times spent with Robin. Studying- and simultaneously breaking down with stress- with Robin, going to the movies with him, trying to teach a boy with two left feet (when it comes to baseball that is) how to play baseball, and kissing him.
The most prominent memory that sticks with him however, is the first time they spoke about their future together, as a couple.
__________
“What are you gonna do once we graduate?” The whispered question floats around for a while before a silence overcomes the both of them. Finney turns on his side to watch Robin, the sun shining on his tan face, illuminating his features.
“I think… I think I want whatever you want.” A whispered confession. Finney’s heart raced. They were treading dangerous territory now, before they had been too scared to ever bring up even the idea of a future together, what with the blatant homophobia everywhere.
“With me?” With a man?
“Of course with you, who else?” I love you. I want to be with you.
“With anyone else, anyone you can think of.” But don’t you want to be with a woman?
“No one will ever be Robin Arellano, I can assure you that.” Can’t imagine myself loving anyone else but you.
“But wouldn’t you be happier?” You’d be safer with her.
“Robin, stop, you make me happy. What we have makes me happy. She won’t ever be you.” That’s a risk I’m willing to take, I can’t imagine a life without you.
“Finney.. I just don’t want to hold you back when you could be with your soulmate.” I love you so much that I’m willing to let you go.
“You couldn’t possibly hold me back from finding my soulmate when you are my soulmate, Robbie.” But I can’t let you go. Don’t be a stranger, Robin.
“And you’re mine, Finn.” Then we won’t. We won’t let each other go.
Tears filled their eyes, they could both picture a happy future together, a house near a lake surrounded by trees, maybe even one day they could have kids, their own kids! They would have both a dog and a cat, since they couldn’t agree on one.
“Finney.”
“Yeah, Robin?” Finn looked to the side again from where he was cloud watching. Robin’s eyes held something indescribable-- something akin to devotion. Finney felt himself shiver under such a powerful gaze.
“Spend the rest of your life with me.” Marry me.
Finney’s eyes widened, he had expected the question at some point in their relationship, but now?
“Only if you’ll spend the rest of yours with me.” My answer always has been, and will always be yes.
Robin sat up, grabbing Finney by the waist and plopping him in his lap. He leaned in, close enough that their lips were brushing against each other.
“May I?” Looking into Robin's eyes, Finney was sure he’d never been more sure of an answer in his life. Instead of answering he closed the very small gap between them, tilting his head ever so slightly.
Robin pulled away, a big satisfactory grin on his face. They sat there quietly in their little bubble of safety and happiness, well, until Robin let out a whoop of joy. Finney laughed happily wrapping his arms around Robin and pulling him close. He was getting married to the love of his life.
Robin stood up, taking Finney up with him, and spun around. A shocked scream tore itself from Finney’s throat. Giggles escaping them as they spun around in happiness. They were on such an adrenaline high it’d be hard to get them to calm down.
“I can’t wait for our future together.” Finn pressed his forehead against Robins. Pure elation shining through their eyes.
“Then we won’t wait! I’ll start saving up so that we can get that house and the garage for my work-”
“And I’ll save up to get my degree for NASA and then after college-”
“You’ll work for a year or two and then-”
“And then we can start a family.” Tears blurred their vision at the prospect of a family. A family together. Lips pressed against each other, tasting slightly salty due to tears but they couldn’t care less. They were going to have a family.
“And we can build the kids a playground, so that we know it’s a hundred percent safe!”
A laugh bubbled out.
“And, and we could have a dog-”
“No, no! A cat!”
“No, a dog!”
“How about both?”
Finney grinned.
“That could work.”
“The kids could swim in the lake when it gets hot-”
“And they can skate on it when it gets cold!”
“We could host holiday parties at our place, invite the whole family plus whoever we meet in the future.”
“They won’t be part of the family?” A raised eyebrow.
“Not the one we have now, with Bruce, Billy, Griffin, Vance, Donna, and Gwen.” A hearty chuckle.
“I guess you’re right, no one will know us like they do.” A wiry grin.
A soft passionate kiss.
A dance in the field of roses.
Their last dance.
__________
He cried. He cried knowing Robin wouldn’t be around anymore, that their future was now nothing more than a dream. The money they had saved up to get everyone out of the town, and to buy the house, and garage, and the money for his college education would go to waste because Robin isn’t here goddammit. And without Robin, what future did he have?
He would become just like his dad because he lost Robin and the others. Who was he, if not with them? They were the reason he had survived, they were the reason he had lived before everything, hell they’re the reason he loves . Is it too much for him to want his family back? To want them back?
He was nothing without them. He would forever be nothing without them. The plans they had made to skip town and go to college were gone now. He couldn’t do that without them, he knows they would probably want him to but he couldn’t bring himself to. He couldn’t bring himself to move to California when Robin wouldn’t be there with him, he couldn’t go to some elite college if Bruce and the others (sans Vance and Robin, they planned to start a car workshop or something along those lines) wouldn’t be there with him.
He used to be so, so warm when he had them.
Now he was freezing.