Chapter Text
Loving you was easy.
Like going outside when the drops fall and dissolve on the skin.
Feeling pain and agony over important nonsense, as easy as breathing, breathing while the throat swells and corrodes with arsenic and cyanide.
So easy, I think, that I have to touch you only as an affirmation, because I need your skin on mine and thus, perhaps, this complex ease is real and not a lie.
Unreal, like your smile, unreal, like our life. Uncertainty dawns in my chest each new sunny day, watching your fluttering eyes closed, with your purring throat directing warm air into your lungs.
I admit, reluctantly, this poisonous feeling that stuns and compresses, threatens me, even forces me to feel this endless, intermittent, afflicted and icy loneliness that spreads in every part of my gnawed, tiny body.
Loving you consumed me.
As the fire suffered that extinguishes the paper, turns it into ashes, likewise, I also identify with the oxygen, which consumes the fire, then I become life, animal life, who consume oxygen.
An endless chain, I would say, ending the same way.
Broken, cracked, used, useful, non-existent.
A flame without name or identity that loved to burn, die, perish and never rise again.
Pleasantly I will burn forests, papers, houses. I will melt sailboats and skin, bones, candles. I'll sail across the ocean on blue fire, buzzing with gasoline.
Only and individually if you, in the end, are the lack of oxygen, then what is the use of dying if not for you?
Loving you was like living a wicked contradictory irony.
I would die for you.
I would kill for you.
Imagining your cold and ghastly body provokes in me unreasonable fierceness, rabid screams whose resounding screams scream maddening ways of murdering, skinning, dismembering.
Revenge.
Because after having tortured the wretch until I ensured a perennial, eternal rot in hell, I will go after you.
I will cheat death as much as I will seek it if it is to kiss your lips again.
Loving you is an anguish.
Loving You hurts.
loving you hurts
Loving you revives
And then I shine before your gaze,
my love.
With your howls we will both sing to the moon.
You promised to love me more than her.
I promise to give myself up.
To you, to your health, to your desires and whims.
I promise to die.
To live.
To kill.
Want.
Feel.
If it's with you.
For such is the Love of the Lover.
Dangerous, contradictory, but above all...
Unconditional.
-Wednesday Addams.