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Lauren was going to kill him slowly and painfully, Kieran was sure of that. And to be completely honest, he deserved it.
He was walking aimlessly through the streets of Ardhalis, wondering where he could find her. The sun would go down in a couple of hours and he still couldn't find a single sign of her, which only made the stinging feeling of worry in his chest grow. Mentally kicking himself, Kieran ran a hand through his hair and sighed. If he had known things would end like this, he wouldn't have played that joke on her.
That afternoon they had infiltrated a newly discovered Scythe experiment base, searching for suspicious weaponry or information that would lead them to the Apostols, or even to the Leader. The place was a dusty mess of papers, tools, and half-built machines, all of them evenly distributed in the large warehouse. Kieran had found a big metal box under a gray sheet, its shiny surface reflected Kieran's amused expression when he read what it was supposed to be.
“Hey love, come check this out,” he whispered to Lauren.
She barely responded, she had been too tense since they entered the site. Possibly she was remembering what had happened the last time they infiltrated a Scythe warehouse, when they ended up in the middle of the explosion and nearly died. He wanted her to stop stressing at least for a moment, he didn't like the way she cringed at every little sound or how her mind seemed to be reliving those traumatic events over and over again. He knew that continuing to think about it would send her into a downward spiral that would be difficult to get her out of, so he thought that a little joke would help her relax, or at least would distract her long enough for him to put a smile on her face.
When she came over to read what he was pointing at, Kieran didn't waste his opportunity and took her by the waist, pulling her close to his body firmly. Her eyes widened in surprise and she placed her hands on the muscles of his arms, trying to keep her balance.
"Kieran, what do you think you're doing?"
Her whisper was stern, but the shadows in her gaze had faded, and he could have sworn a soft blush covered the apple of her cheeks. Without answering, he took a couple of steps forward, pulling her back until she was pressed against the inside of the box. Leaning forward, he brought his lips close to her ear and whispered.
“Do you think this shiny time machine works, detective? Where do you want me to send you?"
"Eh?"
She looked genuinely stunned when Kieran backed away, shooting her a cheeky smile and shutting the door. Just seconds later Lauren angrily punched it from the inside, and he knew that that was really meant for his face.
"Get me out of here, idiot! What game do you think you are playing?"
Kieran chuckled softly and began to randomly press a few buttons.
“I'm just trying to keep my partner healthy. If you keep stressing yourself like this, you'll fall hopelessly ill, darling."
Her incredulous gasp bounced off the metal walls of the box.
“And do you think that locking me alone inside a supposed time machine is going to help me relieve stress?!”
"Alone? Are you telling me that you'd rather be locked in there with me? What outrageous thoughts you have in that little head, detective.”
Kieran leaned against the door, smiling at the cobwebs on the ceiling and enjoying the hot waves of anger that seemed to come off her.
“I swear to you that when I get my hands on you…”
He laughed heartily and continued to push her some more, enjoying the little discussion.
“I like where things are going. If you finish that sentence you might convince me to open the door faster."
Kieran crossed his arms and watched as the sun's rays filtered through the dirty cellar windows, making the dust motes glisten in the air. This time, there was only silence inside the device.
"C'mon darling. Don't be shy, there's no need to be embarrased. I knew that you would end up falling under my charms sooner or later."
Again, nothing. The silence stretched until he realized she wasn't going to answer him, and he quickly got serious, realizing that maybe he had pushed her more than he should. Prepared for her to beat him up, he slowly opened the door.
"I'm sorry love. I think I overdid it this time, I…”
The words died on his lips as he peered into the time machine, finding it empty. Believing that she had escaped for some sort of secondary door, he began to touch the walls looking for a hidden trapdoor, a button, a lever, whatever. He struck the metal with his knuckles, but there were only plates of what looked like perfectly impenetrable steel.
When he realized there was no way she could have gotten out of there, his face paled. The ridiculous device did work, after all. He had sent his partner somewhere else in time, either the past or the future, and he didn't know how to bring her back. He didn't even know if it was possible to do it.
Heart pounding in his ears, Kieran scanned the keyboard, trying to figure out the meaning of the glowing symbols. What year had he pressed? XX76? XX46? What was the meaning of the little red light that was blinking on the gate? The lever lowered before or after keying in the date?
"I guess I'll have to find out" he said to himself.
With unsteady hands he wrote the year XX76 and entered the box. The interior looked dark and steamy, as if someone had taken a hot shower inside, and it smelled like pine. He took a deep breath to steady his heart and prayed that he could bring Lauren back safely, that she could be found quickly before trouble found her.
Without giving himself time to think further, Kieran closed the door and waited. Nothing happened at first and he thought he had failed, but then the inside began to glow with white light, momentarily blinding him. His arms and legs weakened and he fell to the ground… only there was no ground below him. With nothing to hold him in place, he continued to free fall down a tunnel that seemed to be made of cobwebs and ashes. And he got carried away more and more forward in time, falling lower and lower until at last the darkness swallowed him whole.
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When Kieran opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the twinkle in the tawny eyes of a stray cat, sniffing curiously at him. As soon as he realized that he had woken up, the cat ran away and hid among the garbage cans behind him.
He stood up stiffly and stretched, for some reason his muscles and bones felt sore. Maybe it was because of the time jump, he thought. Dusting off his coat, he stepped out of the alley and looked around. The streets looked clean, the sun made the orange bricks of the houses shine and the gardens outside looked alive and well-cared for. It seemed like the kind of place where people didn't live in fear.
He didn't recognize the site despite being clearly Ardhalis, so he guessed that it was a street that had been renovated at some point. If he had traveled fifty years into the future, that would make sense. He walked along the cobbled sidewalks trying to find some familiar place that would help him locate himself. The little birds chirped quietly, waiting for sunset so they could snuggle together on the power lines.
The atmosphere felt warm, the breeze ruffled his hair gently as if trying to calm him down. He walked street after street, but everything looked too different to be able to recognize it. Some people who were walking enjoying the last hours of natural light stared at him, and others praised his mysterious disguise. He honestly didn't know whether to be offended that they thought his was a costume, when they themselves wore those strange costumes. Trying to ignore the way they were looking at him, he kept walking.
His boots made no sound on contact with the ground. If passers-by had noticed that, coupled with his mysterious ancient appearance and bright blue eyes, they might well have thought they were looking at a ghost from the past.
Corner after corner, alley after alley he continued to scan his surroundings for any sign of Lauren, but all he could find were perfectly painted doors, impeccable gardens and more curious passersby. He was starting to lose his patience, if he was being honest. Not that he'd started that little adventure with much, after all. He was looking for a street name plate when a ball hit him square in the neck.
"I'm sorry, Sir!" a boy exclaimed as he run towards him.
Kieran took the ball in his hand, examining the strange material. It was smooth, soft and elastic, and it seemed very thin. He pressed it a few times, but it always returned to its original shape.
"Umm...sir, can you give me back my ball?" the boy asked. He had tousled blond hair, cheeks flushed from the game, and dirt stains on the knees of his dark pants. His brown eyes sparkled with curiosity as he looked at Kieran, examining his clothing, but he remained wisely silent.
"Excuse me, little one. Do you live around here?" he asked as he handed him the bright yellow ball.
The boy looked at him suspiciously, frowning without taking it.
“Are you a kidnapper? Because my mom says that if a kidnapper approaches to me and asks me questions, I have to scream and kick him in the balls. She says I shouldn't answer personal questions or accept candy from anyone.”
Kieran smiled at him and crouched down in front of him to be at his level.
“No, I'm not a kidnapper. It's just that I'm looking for a person, and it would help me a lot if you lived in this neighborhood, because you could tell me how to get to the center of the city.”
The boy smiled brightly as the wind ruffled his hair even more. Kieran felt the strange urge to reach over his head and help him push the strands back into place, but he kept his hands still at his sides. He didn't want to be mistaken for a real child kidnapper.
“Or maybe I can tell you where the person you're looking for lives. I know almost everyone in this district. Mom says it's good to know who's who, that it can get you out of a lot of trouble."
“Sounds like your mom is very wise. Although I'm not sure that you know the person I'm looking for."
The boy puffed out his cheeks as he crossed his arms, annoyed at his disbelief, making Kieran snort a laugh. Maybe it didn't matter if he told him, he thought. Either way, Lauren probably didn't even live in Ardhalis anymore.
“Her name is Lauren. Lauren Sinclair.”
The little boy's eyes widened in surprise and then he clapped his little hands together, pleased.
"Oh, I know her! She's the woman with the pretty eyes, the one with the golden retriever. She lets me pet him and give him some doggy treats. She's very kind, and I know where she lives!”
Without waiting for Kieran to reply, he tugged on his coat sleeve and dragged him up the street. Was Lauren still living in Ardhalis even after so many years? He had always imagined that she would leave the city at some point, that she would rebuild her life in a place with less traumatic and gloomy memories in its streets, but apparently she loved her hometown more than he had imagined.
With his heart hammering inside his chest like crazy, he watched as the boy pointed out a beautiful beige house with two floors and a red roof. Looked like straight out of a dream, it was simple but charming. He could easily imagine her living within those walls.
“It's that house, the one with the daisy garden. That's where she lives."
Stunned, he could only mutter a soft 'thank you' before the boy came running back in his tracks, happily holding his yellow ball. It was almost a miracle that he had been walking so close to her house all this time and hadn't known it.
Kieran's feet moved of their own accord, pulling him toward her door, but once he was in front of it he couldn't find the strength to bring himself to knock. What was he supposed to tell her? Sure, it would be easier for him to find his partner if he asked her future version where he had sent her, but there was something stopping him from calling. What if she didn't want to see him?
He paced outside her door trying to gather courage, but minutes passed and courage didn't come. How was it that he could fight multiple armed men carrying just a knife, but he couldn't knock on Lauren's door? For heaven's sake, he was the freacking Purple Hyacinth. Why was he so afraid of meeting her?
Running a hand through his hair, he took a breath and raised his fist, ready to call, but he turned around at the last second.
"You can do it, son" an old woman who was passing by encouraged him "If you really love the girl, knock on her door and confess"
The ridiculous situation he was in made Kieran chuckle nervously. If someone had told him that morning that he would end up traveling fifty years in the future, he would seriously suggested them to go to therapy to deal with their hallucinations, but now he was the one who seemed to need it. He waited until the old lady was far enough away to try again, and when he was sure there were at least two blocks between him and any other sweet, well-intentioned old lady, he sighed.
"Come on, Kieran. It's just a question" he whispered to himself. "Hey Lauren, can you please help me? I don't know where to find you. And that's all. You go in and out."
He inhaled deeply and looked at the gold doorknob, but the similarity in color to a certain detective's eyes made him turn around and kick a pebble hard.
"Why did I have to pull that damn prank on her?" he wondered as he repeatedly banged his head against the wall.
"Umm... Excuse me, are you alright?" asked a young maid as she peeked through the door. Large glasses rested on the bridge of her nose and she was wearing a well-pressed white apron.
Kieran felt his heart race inside his chest and he swallowed, trying to get rid of his nervousness. He must have looked crazy to her.
"Excuse me, I am- I... I am looking for the young lady... for Mrs. Sinclair. Lauren Sinclair. Will she be at home?"
The girl's face lit up and she gave him a kind smile, ignoring his strange behavior. Kieran silently thanked her for the gesture.
"Oh, you must be young James Hawkes, aren't you?"
Kieran shifted uncomfortably in the doorway, not sure how to explain who he really was.
"I…"
“You look so much like your parents. You have Mr. William's eyes and Mrs. Kym's hair. Please come in, Mrs. Sinclair was already waiting for you."
Before processing what was happening, Kieran found himself inside the house. She led him into the living room and told him to wait and make himself comfortable, but he knew he couldn't do it even if he tried. His heart was beating like crazy inside his chest and his hands were shaking; for some reason he was terribly nervous to meet her. Terrified, even. Unable to stay in one place while he waited, Kieran began pacing, wondering how he could explain what he was doing there.
He racked his brain trying to find an answer, until his eyes fell on the photographs and paintings on the wall. Perhaps looking at the art that decorated her house would help him think better, he told himself. After all, there was nothing that cleared his mind more than having an empty canvas on his hands.
There were beautiful landscapes of crystalline lakes, golden wheat fields and sunsets of intense colours, all of them painted with absolute precision and mastery. The paintings had such rich and vibrant colors that for a second he was breathless. He could almost feel the wind caressing his face, could almost smell those places and feel the temperature of the environment on his skin just by looking at them. There were vases overflowing with fresh flowers, ancient water fountains filled with lotuses, and night landscapes of the city. And there, among the framed photographs…
Time stopped.
He froze in place and his breath caught in his throat. He felt the world turn upside down, unable to believe what he was seeing in the photograph right in front of him. Lauren was smiling brightly. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes narrowed, beaming with bliss and clad in a gorgeous wedding dress. The veil spilled behind her head in a filmy curtain, making her look like an ethereal being, as she held onto his arm.
His arm.
He was wearing a dark gray suit and was looking at her with adoration as she smiled into the camera. In her hands she carried an impeccable bouquet and there were daisies interwoven between her hair, like a crown. They were married. He had married Lauren, his Lauren, and she looked so happy to do it that his heart lurched in his chest.
Another photograph showed him kneeling in the garden planting what appeared to be tulip bulbs. The garden looked lush and full of life and color. Daisies, roses and daffodils predominated. There was not a single hyacinth. The next painting was not a photograph, but a sketch with his signature. In it he saw Lauren, smiling as she tenderly cradled her growing abdomen, barely visible beneath the fabric of her dress. Warmt spread across his chest as he ran his fingers over the glass that protected the sketch. There was so much happiness on her face...
One by one, he looked at the photographs and drawings that decorated the living room. He met their children, two sweet little kids who were smiling for the camera and playing with what appeared to be the children of Kym and Will. He watched them grow up, blow out the candles on their birthday cakes and open Christmas presents under a beautiful pine tree full of lights. He saw his family in a myriad of special and cherished moments. They seemed so close, so full of love and calm that he thought maybe he had fallen while infiltrating the warehouse, and this was just a dream induced by the blow to his head. He pinched his arm hard, trying to determine what was true and what was not, but the pain was there. It was real.
Frame by frame he knew his future, one that he did not believe he deserved or could ever had, looking at everything he could see until one more photograph sent a wave of chills down his spine. It was a crumpled newspaper clipping and faded, as if someone had squeezed it too many times, but he could see his own face clearly.
'Terrible car accident, the director of the Ardhalis school of arts, Kieran White, dies.'
Ice covered his veins. He didn't dare look at the date, he knew that knowing it would do him more harm than good. He preferred to turn away and focus on the photographs that showed the happy and bright life that had been given to him. A new opportunity that he had not missed. He was infinitely grateful for it even though he knew that his end would come before his time, it was much more than he had ever dared to dream.
"Thank you Gwen. I'll take care of carrying the tray” he heard Lauren's voice from the hallway.
She sounded older and softer, but he knew it was her. He felt it in every one of his bones. Before he could think of what to say to her, she came through the door carrying a teapot and what appeared to be nut cookies. Her hair had faded over the years and her pale skin had withered like the petals of a flower in autumn, but still he could see her inner fire burning behind her eyes. Her upright and elegant bearing, although tired, the shape of her face and her walk, everything was the same and at the same time so different that it took his breath away.
Lauren looked at him for a moment and her eyes widened, letting the tray crash to the floor. The liquid and the porcelain fragments splashed everywhere as she stepped back, dazed and shocked. Kieran absorbed the image in front of him, the way her hand went to her heart as she opened and closed her mouth, searching for the words. On her ring finger she still wore a gold band, her wedding ring, and the sight squeezed Kieran's heart painfully.
"Kieran, is that you?" she asked in a tremulous voice. Her eyes were rimmed with silver with unshed tears, she seemed to be about to collapse.
"Hello, love" he whispered and approached her without even realizing it, like a moth to a flame.
Standing face to face, he watched the emotions pass through her face in a torrent. Pain, happiness, anguish, sadness, longing, confusion, but above all was love, one so intense that he knew it had remained intact through the years. The kind of love that overcomes all obstacles, the one he doesn't believed he deserved even in his wildest dreams.
Without being able to avoid it, he ran his fingertips over her cheekbones, a touch as soft as the caress of a butterfly's wing. Her skin felt different, thinner and fragile, but she had the same warmth as before, as he held her between his arms in the glass factory. She leaned her face into his touch, seeking his warmth, and closed her eyes. Tears streamed down her cheeks and Kieran helplessly pulled her closer to his body, wrapping his arms around her completely. She clung to him, sobbing silently into his chest, burying her face in him as she inhaled. She seemed to want to sink into him, drown in the scent of his cologne until it burned into her memory.
"Shhh, I'm here. It's okay," he whispered gently against her white hair.
Lauren clung to the fabric of his coat, crumpling it into her clenched fists as if she never wanted to let him go again.
"Oh, I have missed you so, so much, subordinate. Every day that I have spent without you by my side has been so difficult, so hard, that there have been times when I wanted to give up."
The anguish in her voice as she sobbed told Kieran that she had spent a long time wanting to say that out loud. His heart clenched painfully in his chest and he held her tighter
.“You have been so strong, mon amour. I'm so proud of you for how far you've come."
He really was. Once again she showed him that she was stronger than she seemed, and he was amazed at how lucky he was to have met her.
"How is that you are here?" she asked without leaving his side.
Kieran traced gentle circles over her weary back, feeling the bones of her shoulder blades against his palm. She felt so fragile and light, so human. For some reason he had always thought of Lauren as invulnerable, but ever since the incident at the factory they kept finding themselves in situations that slapped him with reality.
“Do you remember our visit to the Scythe experimental base?”
Lauren snorted what sounded like a wet laugh.
“How would I forget when you sent me back in time? I almost had a heart attack, I thought I could never come back."
Kieran chuckled, his breath tickling her head.
“Well, let's say I'm looking for you, darling. This is my first attempt to find you.”
"Well, since I see that you are seventy years apart from the time line you sent me, I think you need my help. Some things never change, right?"
Kieran sighed dramatically, his nostrils filling with the smell of spilled tea, but also her perfume. She smelled of lavender and soap, but also of vanilla and cinnamon and almonds, as if she had been cooking recently. The image of Lauren baking cookies like a grandma for their grandchildren made his eyes water.
“What can I say? I need detective Sinclair to help me find detective Sinclair. Only she can work on a case as complex and important as this one. I wouldn't trust anyone else."
This time it was her who sighed dramatically.
“Oh, when will this poor retired detective finally be able to rest? Years go by and the cases keep coming. But since you ask so kindly, Mr. Flatterer, I will tell you to find detective Sinclair in the year XX06, in the main garden of Ardhalis, after midnight."
He tried to pull away from her to wipe away her tears and thank her, but Lauren's grip on his coat tightened.
"No, please. I don't want you to see me like this" she whispered.
"See you how?"
He searched her eyes, but she buried her face deeper into the fabric of his shirt. He could feel her weak hands trembling, trying to keep their grip on him as if she felt that if she let go, he would vanish into thin air.
“Kieran, who I am now is a very different version of the Lauren you are used to. And if I'm honest with you... if I'm completely honest with you, I'm afraid that when you return to the time line you belong to, you'll see me differently.”
Kieran's heart melted inside his chest as he watched her there, vulnerable and fearful. As if she hadn't stolen his heart from the moment he'd truly met her, as if he had no choice but to love her hopelessly until time consumed his bones and turned them to dust. As if he wasn't madly in love with her.
“Blind, blind Lauren. Can't you see that there is no way for me to leave your side after coming here?"
He lovingly tucked some of the unruly hair that had come loose from her hairstyle behind her ear, touching her as if she were made of some fragile and precious material.
"I've been in love with you for so long, that it's getting harder and harder to hide my feelings. I thought that we could never be together, that I would drag you to hell with if I ever let me love you the way I want to. But now that I know we have a chance, now that I know you'll be safe… well, that changes a lot of things.”
Kieran felt the tension leave her and he carefully backed away from her, meeting her gaze again. Her eyes sparkled in the light from the windows as she smiled at him and he wiped her tears with his thumbs, smiling back at her. He could spend a lifetime watching her, he thought, and then his soul shuddered with joy as he realized he would. She would be the first thing he would see when he woke up in the morning and the last thing on his mind when he went to bed at night. He would be there to see her succeed and achieve her goals, he would hold her hand along the way and not let go while he could breathe. And he could watch time pass the brush over her features while they grew old together, their hair dying white but their souls burning together and unbreakable to the end.
Lauren blinked a few times and looked away with uncharacteristic shyness, studying the shards of china on the carpet.
"Kieran?"
"Yes, darling?"
“Will you still love me when I am no longer young and beautiful? When time makes me slow, clumsy and tired?"
Kieran lovingly cupped her face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead.
“I will never stop loving you, mon amour, neither in this life nor the next. You are condemned to be the owner of this battered heart until the moment when we meet again on the other side, and even there it will still be yours.”
And with those words settling warmly on her chest, Lauren was finally able to muster the strength to untangle her hands from his coat and let him go.
“Then go, subordinate. Find me soon and keep your promise.”
Suddenly, Kieran felt a stabbing ache in his chest at the thought of leaving her. This Lauren had already lost him once, and once he was gone she would never see him again. At least not in life. He wanted to stay a little longer, he wanted to extend this moment and give her a new memory of him for her to have. With that in mind, he stepped back and led her gently into the garden.
"I will keep my promise, but before..."
The sun's rays caressed her withered skin and sparkled in her golden eyes when he extended his hand to her. Leaning down, Kieran looked at her through his lashes.
"Have you ever danced with the devil in the warm sunlight?"
Lauren smiled, her eyes watered again and without answering she turned around, going back into her house. He stood there, looking at her in confusion, when then a beautiful melody resounded inside. With slow but firm steps, she returned to him and took his hand.
"Call me sentimental, but I needed to dance this song with you again."
The notes of the melody were soft and bright, a slow song that spoke of life, love, and hope without using a single word. The slow, welcoming rhythm of the piano and violin enveloped them like a warm blanket as they swayed together on the grass. It conveyed longing and comfort, it was heartbreaking and sweet at the same time.
“It's a lovely song, Mrs. Sinclair White" Kieran whispered to her.
Lauren smiled brightly, meeting his eyes
.“It's the song we danced at our wedding, subordinate. I certainly have good taste."
Maybe it was the warmth in her gaze, or just that he had been through a lot in a very short amount of time, but Kieran couldn't hold back his tears any longer. She fell silent and hugged him a little closer, swaying on the lawn of the garden without caring who might see them through the white wooden fence.
The crickets accompanied their dance as the sun slowly lowered in the sky, and for an instant Lauren was transported to that day. Just looking at his face and the dark grace of his movements she could imagine that time had not passed at all, that she was still that young bride in her white dress, brimming with happiness and hope. She could imagine that she was still wearing that crown of daisies on her hair and that her loved ones were celebrating with her the beginning of their story together, that he was still by her side and they had many years ahead of them. But every story has its end, and the charm only lasted until the melody faded.
Forcing herself not to cry, Lauren stopped and whispered.
"It's time. You can't delay it anymore, go and fulfill what you promised me."
Her feeble fingers slipped from his grasp and she released him. Kieran reluctantly pulled away from her, his eyes moist and his heart bleeding, and turned around. He couldn't say goodbye, and he knew she couldn't either. They didn't have the right words, they never could, so he told himself he was ready to run off to find the Lauren from his timeline and bring her back home. He was prepared to continue writing their story.
He started to walk towards the street, when suddenly his feet froze in place before he crossed the threshold of the door, and turned to look at her one last time. His eyes sparkled with vulnerability and he opened his mouth several times, trying to find the words.
"Everything is alright?" she asked, concerned.
Kieran swallowed as he hesitated. He looked like a little child as he dropped all his defenses and exposed his heart just for her.
“Love, I… while you were by my side, was I able to make you happy?”
Lauren softened at the sight of his fearful crystal blue eyes, and fondly caressed the wedding ring on her hand.
“You did it, subordinate. Each and every day that I was married to you, you managed to make me deliriously happy.”
Kieran's face broke into a smile and he finally ran out the door. His coat billowed in the wind as he moved nimbly down the cobbled street. The sky turned orange and gold, and Lauren watched him fade into the distance with a sad smile on her lips.
“And you still manage to find ways to make me happy. Typical of you, subordinate. Typical of you."