Chapter Text
The Crystal Grumps
Chapter 1
The Dictators
The Homeworld was strong, powerful, terrifying. No one dared step up to their power, and that included its citizens. The Homeworld had one goal in mind, and that was total domination. The military had grown to such an expansive level that even the strongest of rivals would retreat, and it was buit from the ground up by the dictators of the Homeworld. Two gems sat in a skyscraper, watching the hustle and bustle of their domain. An older, gruff gentleman frowned, looking down at the training grounds.
“Who the hell did we put in charge down there, these guys are acting like a bag of dicks” said Geoff, the older of the two leaders. He cracked his knuckles, ready to fire whoever wasn’t meeting his standards. The younger of the two, a rounder man stopped him before he could do anything drastic.
“Woah there Geoff, you literally fired the other sergeant a few days ago, we only got so many gems trained for that” Jons voice boomed, as it always does. Geoff huffed, relaxing back in his seat.
“We have another attack planned on a whole new planet in like a week and these jackholes can’t even stay in formation. The last planet took long enough to destroy, I don’t want to waste any more goddamn time on these hunks of rock than necessary”
Geoff, this planet has exactly what we’re looking for, good material for building up our army. We swat away the rodents of the planet and get to mass producing, snap snap done” Jon said, exaggerating every possible word he could, as per usual. Geoff just rubbed his temples. “Goddammit I need some kinda refreshment. Signal my secretary or whatever” the grey hued gem muttered, looking exhausted.
“Alright whatever” Jon exclaimed, using excessive hand motions before pressing a few buttons on the hologram next to him. “You do know you can do this yourself right? Like, I’m not your bitch” he said, as the door behind them slid open. Geoff just waved him off as a dapper young gem trotted in.
“Good morning sir, hope your mornings been just top!” exclaimed the green gem through a perky accent. His gem protruded straight out of his face, giving him an even goofier look than his already lanky shape provided.
“Gavin, bring me something that will distract me from the shitshow I’m watching right now. And stop saying words that aren’t fuckin real” Geoff said, without even turning around. He rubbed the grey gem on his lower arm, ready to go down there and show those grunts what a real warrior looks like.
“Yes sir, right away. And might I add that you look real spiff today” said Gavin. Jon held back a snicker, anyone calling his comrade spiffy was about the most ridiculous thing he could imagine.
“Get the fuck out of my office” Geoff said without even turning around. “And bring back what I need quickly or ill launch you out the fuckin window”
“Woah, someones full of the vin today” Gavin muttered as he walked out of the room. He walked over to the nearest hologram, trying to summon something cold to calm Geoff’s nerves.
“Sounds like your peppy attitude didn’t work today either, huh dude?” said a sarcastic pink gem working diligently at his desk.
“Oh shut up Arin, you nob. You should just be grateful that Jon is actually civil to you, whereas Geoff treats me like absolute mung.”
“Well if you stop using stupid words like Mung maybe he’d treat you like a decent assistant” snarked back Arin. Arin had been working for Jon a long time, and he would even consider themselves friends. Somehow even though Gavin had been working with Geoff for longer than even Arin remembered, Gavin still managed to get kicked to the curb every time he made an effort. It was actually pretty funny.
Gavin finally got what he needed from the hologram, and returned to Geoff’s office, where his gem was glowing so brightly Gavin could’ve sworn he was ready to destroy the whole field of soldiers. Jon had very clearly given up on trying to calm him down, so he just reclined himself and waited for it to happen.
“Uhh, here you go sir, just like you asked. You, uh doin okay Geoff?” Gavin asked, placing the drink down carefully before taking a few steps back as a precaution. Geoff didn’t respond, he simply took the drink and sipped it slowly.
“No, I’m fine. I’ll go talk to whoever’s in charge later, like a calm reasonable dictator”
Jon finally snapped, rolling his head back in laughter “Yeah whatever, that guys head’s gonna be served up for dinner, fuckin hilarious” he cackled. Geoff simply stood up, turned to the exit, and walked out. Gavin watched him leave, and knew that this wasn’t going to end well.