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Perhaps, it was the idealistic foolishness that I’ve shown to possess that has gotten dire in my way, that someone as proud as me has broken a promise to the self.
The faith of the Solari, worshippers of the sun, was one – and to this day, I do not detest nor dislike. Perhaps the love I had for the Solari faith, was the reason I was able to analyze it with a critical and analytical lens, that caused me to inquire, to lift the veil on the flaws the faith could possess. My peers, they accepted everything they were told, with urgent nods. How can they not stop and think? The Solari antagonize the Lunari, and thus the Lunari follow suit, but findings from long ago, showed that the two faiths once lived in peace, worshipping both the sun and the moon.
If one never asks questions, you will just follow things blindly. That is how it felt within our humble village in the Mountains of Targon, within our quaint population.
I stood and will stand my ground, even when the so called “humane” Solari teachers gave me severe punishments. I sat under the scorching sun for three days, without any food or movement. Tell me, what else I could feel but pure, undying rage? The injustice was shown, the cracks the Solari faith had been shown and displayed to me, and as I gently tried to press this matter, I was disgraced. The Solari elders viewed my logical questions as personal jabs to them, and the Solari faith itself.
The sun, though known for its warmth, can be harsh and cruel, unforgiving. I found consolation in the cool night, the glorious moon shining bright. At that time, I did know it was referred to as the “moon”, as the Solari made no mentions of it. How uneducated I was to the silvery orb.
Raised as orphan and viewed as an outcast till the day I left, I still strongly believe that a reason why I was so strongly disliked by the Solari was that I did not fit the Solari standard. But you, on the other hand, were the ideal. You were obedient and followed your tasks thoroughly, a strong and courageous warrior.
I was surprised, when you, out of all the people in this village, asked someone as low as I for advice. We sent letters back and forth. You knew me for my tarnished reputation, but I knew you for your glorified one. But most of all, you knew of me, the real me. You knew there was more that meets the eye, more than what the Solari teachers utter about me. The example of what a Solari woman should not be. Yet you stayed, curious about me. You listened and discussed with me, and while though you fully gave your heart to the Solari faith, you never once closed your eyes to its possible flaws and contradictions, like the others. You listened to me, with loving eyes, and for once I truly felt heard. Maybe you did not agree with me to the full extent, but you acknowledged my points, my curious inquiries, my anger. You are an example of what a Solari woman should be.
Judging from these differences, it would be wise to not get close to you. On the social hierarchy of our village, we were on opposite ends. You will give your all the Solari, but I questioned their views, which was something that the Solari founded sinful. You were the golden child of the Solari, a woman with a promising future, whilst I was a woman that was doomed from the start.
Opposites. You are a woman who is uptight, a rule-follower. Whilst I was a more free-spirited, non-conformative one. We spent the days together, and truly believe the bond we shared was genuine. We perhaps viewed opposingly, but at that time, it did not matter. While I held your warm hand, intertwined with my cool one, I felt at peace. When we shared murmurs only us will ever know, loving kisses. The sun and moon, together.
The juxtaposition between us, lead to our final divide in the end. To give every part of me to the Solari, I knew I could not. It was not because I was not a follower, but the harsh treatments of such as me, the flaws, everything just spun together, I knew it was a route I could not follow. You, though, knew it was yours, and thus you headed onwards. We were both chosen to be aspects to opposing faiths, and we both accepted the responsibility. I will head with the Lunari, and you will continue alongside the Solari. You were pained and distraught, anger shown through your beautiful features. An argument, a duel, you wielded your shield highly, ones that the Solari both trained us to use, and ones that I told you I would never fight with. There was no victor in that battle. We both parted, emptiness followed suit.
I won my freedom away from the Solari, but atlas, why does it feel so terribly lonely? Perhaps, now that the sun cannot guide me, I will find my bitter solace in the moon's silver gleam. After all, they are both the same light. Thus, I will not give up. I am not sure of my purpose anymore. We are now in rival faiths, enemies. Though, I am not sure if I can truly see you as one. How could I? I cannot escape these wistful memories. But when I look at the Lunari, they need me. You know this, I know this, just like the Solari need you.
Now that I glance forward, to my newfound people, the Lunari, that have utmost trust and faith in me and the moon, I hold my head high, planting my feet straight, even if it means having to leave you behind. You are a strong warrior, your will as unbreakable as the iron minerals your shield is made of. The moon will guide my people and I now, just as how the sun will continue to shine it's warm rays to guide yours. Will you pay for my sins? Will the elders give you an earful for you, the golden child, not being able to turn the troublemaker into a full-fledge Solari supporter? For then, causing dismay and heading off with the Lunari? I must apologize. I was always a rebellious woman in their eyes. I was one who loved, and was loved, and now I must move onwards. I truly wish that this was an easy decision.
How I wish I could say that I have no regrets. If I did, that would certainly be a sinful lie, as I regret not being able to spend the rest of my life by your side.