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You and Cas disappeared from Sam and Dean’s view. Soon you were at the first motel in the Stanford phone book. It was your usual thing. The outside looked nicer than most motels. For one the grass was actually green, and the parking lot was kept clean. For some reason it brought a small smile to your face. You were glad something in this godless world was doing well. Even if it was something as small as a pretty motel. Right now you had given up on a lot of things. You would give anything to make things go back to the way they were. Before you and Sam weren’t you and Sam anymore.
You tried to blame what happened on yourself. Tried telling yourself you were being over-sensitive. But deep inside you knew all of that was bull and that you can’t blame anyone else but Sam. You couldn’t blame Jessica since she probably doesn’t know she’s supposed to be dead.
“Y/N?” Cas looked at you with his small head tilt. Usually his cluelessness brought a smile to your face. This time it only reminded you of all the times you and Sam bonded over Dean and Cas’s awkward moments.
You sighed and walked into the office area of the motel. The receptionist looked up from his magazine. It looked dirty, like the ones that Dean reads. You smirked a little bit.
“Hey, I need two rooms. Double beds in both.” It felt weird requesting two rooms with two beds. You were used to sharing a room with Sam.
“Yeah, I uh… Well I got two rooms vertical to each other. None next to one another.” You sighed in relief. You were glad you wouldn’t be in a room next to Sam.
“That’s fine.” You replied paying for the room. You told him that you would pay nightly because you weren’t 100% sure when you were leaving. He handed you four keys, two for each room, and you headed out to meet Castiel once again. You gave him one pair of room keys and kept the other. You figured you could each have your own room until Sam and Dean got here. Then you would share one.
You didn’t have any clothes since you left without grabbing your things. What’s worse is that you and Sam shared a duffel so you’d eventually have to face him. You entered your room on the 2nd floor. It was a typical room. The beds had blue covers and a small TV. Free WI-Fi and a slightly better than average bathroom.
You flipped on the TV and sat on the bed closest to the wall dividing the room and bathroom. The TV was on the animal planet channel. One of Sam’s favorites. When you tried looking for the remote it was no where to be found. You got up to change the channel on the television set itself. The buttons were missing. Of course they were you thought. You lowered the volume so you wouldn’t have to hear the TV.
Castiel knocked on your door a few hours later, he decided he would let you calm down. He would never admit it, and he’s never asked but he was slightly afraid of you. Not because you were a scary person. But because he could sense something unnatural within you.
You shouted at Cas to come in. He popped in seconds later.
“Y/N, We should get your mind off it. Let’s go get some work done on the case.”
“Okay.” You followed Cas out of the room and into a parking lot across the street. You would need a car. You scoped the lot for a good one. You found a small SUV parked under a tree at the far end.
“Cas, keep a lookout okay?” Making your way over to the car you jimmied its lock and got in. You pulled the wires out from under the dash. Before you hot wired the car you noticed that whoever owned it left the keys. You stopped what you were doing and turned the car on.
“Cas, hop in.” He turned around and got in the passengers seat. You drove around until you found Jessica in a grocery store. You and Cas sat outside the store and monitored her every move. This went on for days. She never did anything suspicious, never did anything remotely inhuman. But you knew that someone was pulling the strings. You just knew and didn’t know how to figure out who it was.
You were tired of stakeouts. Couldn’t stand the sight of people anymore. You didn’t want to watch anymore. The more you watched the more you realized why Sam loved her so much. She was such a happy and positive person. She was peaceful, and intelligent. You hated it. She was everything you weren’t. The most intriguing thing though, was that she was entirely human. All the things you technically weren’t lied within one girl. And you knew somehow that now that she was back, you had lost Sam for good. It broke your heart to even think about it. Eventually you got so tired of watching her you just drove off.
“Y/N, what are you doing?” Cas asked.
“I’m leaving. She’s not going to do anything suspicious Cas. Plus watching her is making me nauseous.” You sped down the street. You were going 10 miles over the speed limit and didn’t even flinch when you were pulled over.
The cop came up to your window, “License and registration.” He spoke robotically.
You didn’t have time for this. You weren’t in the mood and just wanted to go back to the motel. You flashed your FBI badge and made the cop scared enough to spill some info on Jess’s case.
“Tell me about the reappearance of Jessica Moore.” You ordered the cop. He wasn’t high ranking enough to know much but he knew a few details.
“Well, we opened up a short investigation on her reappearance but there wasn’t a lot to investigate. We took a statement from her and then let her go. Although there were some small inconsistencies.” He finished.
“What kind of inconsistencies?” You asked intrigued. There could be some answers here.
“Unfortunately I don't know. You’d have to come down to the station. Maybe then you could convince the chief to give you her file.”
“Okay. Well I’ll send some guys down there in a few days. Got a busy caseload and all.” You tried to get him to go away now. The whole process of interviewing was tiring, and you didn’t even want to hear the name Jessica Moore at all anymore.
The cop left you and went on his way. You sped down the road once again miles above the speed limit. Pulling into the lot you got out and went straight to your room without saying a word to Castiel.
He just looked on at you. He was glad Dean and Sam would get there tomorrow. Then he wouldn’t have to deal with you all by himself. Deciding to take the initiative though, Castiel popped into your room. Only to find you staring at a muted TV screen.
“What Cas?” You don’t look at him. You just watched as the mother panda gave a small stick of bamboo to its cub.
“You are… distressed. You would probably prefer to be alone, but I am here to talk. If you want.” Castiel stood in the corner of your room looking on at you.
“You can sit down if you want Cas. I won’t bite.”
Castiel gave you a grimace and sat on the bed that would soon become his. He didn’t know what to do. He’s never had to comfort someone before. He looked at you awkwardly trying to think of something to say. He opted for the easiest thing to say.
“Are you alright Y/N?”
“Yeah. I’ll get over it. It was just some stupid outburst anyway.” You tried to wave it off like it was no big deal.
Castiel tilted his head. He raised his eyebrows and stared at you. Something he no doubt learned from the three of you. You let out a large sigh and gave in. Even if he wasn’t entirely used to human customs, he caught on quickly.
“I just want this whole case to be over. That way Sam and I can patch things up and hopefully go back to normal. But I doubt my wish will come true.”
“Y/N?”
You could tell Cas was about to defend your relationship with Sam. But you stopped him, and you didn’t know why. After all you just wanted all this to be over.
“Cas,” Tears started forming in your eyes, “What if he chooses her? What if he decides he doesn’t want to figure this all out and just wants to pick up where he left off! I mean you heard him in the car a few days ago! He’s still completely in love with her! He’s completely forgotten about me!”
“Take a deep breath.” Cas said putting a hand on your shoulder. He tried comforting you. He wasn’t doing a good job, but the gesture itself was enough for you.
You looked at Cas with tears spilling down your face. By this time you were sobbing. It was hard for you to contain yourself, there was big lump in your throat.
“Castiel?” You sobbed your body was shaking and Cas was still holding you. Trying to get you to calm down a bit.
“What if he doesn’t love me anymore?” Looking into Castiel’s eyes you saw how much he was trying and you smiled a bit. The two of you spent most of the night like that. Castiel stayed with you until you fell asleep. He tucked you into bed and went back to his own room.
You woke up the next morning feeling lighter than air. Like the world was lifted off of your shoulders. But the feeling quickly returned when your phone went off. Sam and Dean were supposed to arrive today. You looked at the screen. It read Dean in small digital letters. You answered the phone and caught him up on all that was going on with the case. Which only added to the weight on your shoulders.
When you finally hung up you stared at the door. Praying that he hadn’t brought Sam up with him. There were four knocks on the door before you answered. Well it was more like banging. He sauntered in and gave you a look over.
“What the hell happened to you?”Dean tried joking with you.
“You know, just had an emotional breakdown with Cas last night, it was pretty wild. You should have been there.” You tried to joke right back with him but it was weak.
Dean looked at you totally disheartened. Cas popped in seconds later handing you some breakfast that Sam had went out and bought. He didn’t tell you that though. They tried to coordinate who would be sharing rooms. It turned out you would share a room with Dean. Just to give Sam a break from Dean, and Cas a break from you. It would be easier that way.
You shrugged and continued watching animal planet.
“Okay, so Sammy and I are gonna go down to the station and do those interviews and what not.” Dean pointed at you, “You stay here and wait for us to call or something. Cas would you mind staking out Jessica again?”
He nodded and disappeared from the room. Dean handed you a laptop and told you to do some research, watch some porn, or do whatever it is you do. Dean left you to yourself. You smiled at his retreating form and started playing on the laptop. It was Sam’s, not yours. So you took up Dean’s plan of action and filled Sam’s search history with porn websites.
You didn’t do it to be mean, you figured it would be funny. You used to play these kinds of pranks on each other all the time. It was the first time you smiled at the thought of Sam since then. Maybe… Just maybe you two will patch things up after all this is over.