Chapter Text
At the battle of Shiganshina, Reiner saw that you had been hurt and decided he couldn’t just leave you there to be eaten or to die alone. He brought you with him and tried to convince Zeke that you could be useful. Zeke was wary and half tempted to just leave you to die, but he was always one to think ahead. He thought that you might be useful in holding you as a way to have some leverage when wanting to convince the Paradis soldiers of agreeing to his plan. But when Reiner had mentioned that you were a skillful soldier, one of Captain Levi's favorites, Zeke knew he had to keep you around. An act of good faith, in a way. He kept you alive and in hopes that you could come in handy when the time was right.
Ever since you arrived in Marley, you'd been labeled as nothing. Why Zeke decided to keep you around had everyone questioning his intentions (and maybe even his sanity). Once on the mainland, Zeke gave you two options: do what he says, or be fed to the titans. If you wanted even the faintest chance of returning to your home, then you knew you had to play by their rules. It had been over a year since you were taken from Paradis and forced to fight for a place where they thought you were lower than dirt and evil incarnate. How you got here, you couldn’t remember. There was quite a bit that didn’t make sense to you. Your memories would come and go, making it difficult for you to decipher what was real. Only two things were constant: a face of a man whose presence seemed to put you at ease, and the screams and cries of utter anguish.
Most of your time was spent fighting in battles you didn't understand, but you had gotten used to the people you fought beside. The first year was rough. Nobody would talk to you or acknowledge your presence. Only once you had deemed yourself as a worthy fighter did the warriors begin to address you.
Zeke was arrogant, quiet, and always in thought, and you did your best to limit your interactions with him. He was the one who ultimately doled out any punishments that befell you, so the less you saw of him the better.
You had seen memories of Reiner, and part of you couldn't help but to think that he had a hand to play in your disposition. From what flashbacks you remembered, Reiner was the same here as he was in Paradis. Well intentioned, but severely lacking in confidence. His presence bothered you, but he was the one who was most likely to talk to you. Pieck wasn't too bad, though you didn't see her for months at a time since she stayed in her titan form for long bouts. Porco wouldn't even look at you or acknowledge you when you were first introduced. He had the confidence that Reiner could only hope for, but there was an air of doubt that lingered around him.
The aura of the battlefield was that of utter chaos. You weren't sure what you were thinking. You were insignificant, a burden, an outcast. Your presence meant nothing to these people. Why did you care so much if they were successful in their battles? The armored titan was down and on the verge of being hit hard with the enemy’s artillery forces. As much as he pissed you off, you knew that Reiner’s armored titan was a major asset to the team. So, you ran toward the enemy lines as you threw grenades their way. The plan had worked, and their focus was on you for the time being. But you only needed a moment of their time for Reiner to get himself out of trouble.
Most of their attention was on you, like you had planned. But now, your problem was that you hadn't thought this plan all the way through. Eyes squeezed shut, fists balled tight, you braced yourself for what awaited you. The sound of guns and ammo being fired was deafening. You had expected to feel the ground shake and waves of heat from the explosions, but instead, your body was moving through the air. Was this what it felt like to die?
You peeked out of one eye to see that the jaw titan gripped you gently in one of his hands.
"Galliard?!" You shouted at him, confusion filling you.
He stared at you, and somehow you could understand what that look meant.
What are you doing, dumbass?
He carefully set you down and towered over top of you. His look said "stay" and you obliged, mostly because you couldn't feel your legs, but also because he really had no reason to save you. A few moments passed and the cadence of the battle was dying down. You could hear the screams of your titan allies, and knew that victory would soon be theirs. The jaw titan was by your side once more, but this time Porco came out of his titan form. He jumped down in front of you.
"What were you thinking? Are you a dumbass?" His hands scoured over your face, looking for any external injuries you may have sustained. When he could find no obvious injuries, he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, 'm okay. Uh," you stopped when you looked into his eyes. They were intense, but kind. Your legs began to grow heavy, an uneasy feeling settling into the pit of your stomach.
"I'll go," you said quickly as you tried to turn from him. But his grip held you in place.
"Quit being a pain in the ass, ______."
"Bite me, Galliard!" You retorted.
A smile cracked through his tough demeanor. His tone became softer, his grip on you lightened.
"Seriously, what were you thinking back there?"
“I-” you flinched, a sharp pain bolting through your head. Your knees gave out, but Porco’s grip was able to keep you from falling. An immense pain was shooting all around your head and you weren’t sure what was going on.
You later woke up in the infirmary, a large bandage wrapped around your head, and a nauseous feeling started in your stomach and worked its way up your chest. A quick glance around the room and you found that you were by yourself. Not surprising. However, you were surprised that they actually treated you. Most of the time if you needed aid, they gave you the supplies and stuck you in a broom closet to get it sorted out.
The door slowly creaked open, and you sat up to meet the person walking in.
“G-Galliard?” you asked, surprised to see him enter the room.
“______. Hey, don’t sit up too fast,” he walked over to you and helped you sit up slowly against the headboard.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in the infirmary.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’? You got hurt and needed medical attention. Why else would you be in the infirmary?”
“Oh.”
He pulled a chair up next to your side and the room sat quiet for a few minutes. The light in the room was fading as the sun began to set. The only sound was the pounding of your heart inside of your head. You found yourself staring at Porco on more than one occasion. The feeling in your stomach was familiar, but new all at the same time. You had felt this before, but not with him.
“Here, I brought you something to eat.” He pulled a chunk of bread from his pocket. “Just take small bites. I’ll get you some water.”
“‘m not hungry.”
“Bullshit you’re not. You’ve been out for four days. You need to eat.” His voice was stern, but not angry. “Small bites.”
You ripped off a small piece and cautiously placed it into your mouth. Porco sat back down and watched as you ate the bread piece by piece. He held out the glass of water and you graciously took it. Chug, chug, chug. You wiped any excess water from your mouth with your forearm.
“Thank you, Galliard. You didn’t have to do this.” You hand him back the glass and the bread.
“Yeah, yeah. Don’t worry about it. Also, you can just call me Porco. It’s fine.” He scooted his chair closer to you. “So, uh, how are you feeling?”
“My head really hurts, but I’m sure I’ll be fine. Should be okay for training tomorrow.”
“Good.” He nodded approvingly. “You never answered my question.” He paused for a moment, contemplating on if he really wanted to ask you. “What were you thinking back there?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” you scoffed. A twinge of embarrassment as you thought back to what you did for Reiner on the battlefield. "I was trying to be a distraction," you said, ashamedly. "Someone needed to save Reiner's ass, figured I'd give you a break."
He blew air out of his nose, apparently amused with your answer. “Well, that answers my second question: you ARE a dumbass.” He flicked your forehead lightly.
“Bite me, Galliard,” you smiled.
He smiled back, and you thought that it suited him. The moment was interrupted when Zeke walked into the room. He lit some candles which made up for the light that was quickly fading from the room as the sun set further behind the horizon. The flames flickered in the lenses of his glasses, making it hard to see where his gaze fell. He adjusted the frames as he stared in your direction.
“Galliard, it’s odd to see you here,” he stated monotonously.
“Yeah, figured I would check to see if she was awake. Was just on my way to come get you.” Porco stood up from his spot and dragged the chair back to its home under the desk in the middle of the room. “I’ll see myself out.” He walked past Zeke without a second glance. But, he did take one last look back at you before he walked out. You couldn’t decipher the look on his face. Pity? Irritation? Endearment? Whatever he was feeling, you didn’t have long to think about it as Zeke was soon interrogating you.
Everything from simple questions like “what’s your name” and “where are you”, to more difficult questions that had you racking your brain in order to answer to the best of your ability. You tried your best to give him the answers he wanted; his presence perturbed you and left you feeling uncomfortable. Once he deemed your answers as acceptable, he told you to get your things and go back to your room. He stopped right in front of the door and made one last comment.
“I'm sure Galliard has more deserving things that need his attention. Don't bother him anymore.”
“I,” you paused, contemplating if you actually wanted to say what you wanted. Instead, you answered with what he wanted to hear. "Yes, Captain."
Those words left a sour taste in your mouth. You furrowed your brow, but your chest tightened, your feelings conflicting with what your face was expressing.
“Don’t forget that you are nothing.” Zeke left and you stared at the bed sheets for several minutes. A deep sigh left you, and you swung your feet off the side of the bed. How could you forget that everybody here hates you? It’s hard to forget that you mean nothing to these people. Another deep breath as your feet hit the ground. You reached up and stretched, going up on your toes. Your legs were a little weak, and you weren’t able to catch your balance before collapsing to the floor.
“Hey, are you okay in…what happened?” Porco came through the door and rushed to your side.
“I’m okay. What, uh, what are you doing here?”
“I was walking by and I heard a ‘thud’. Why are you on the floor?”
“Zeke told me to go back to my room, so I was going. But my legs weren’t ready, I guess.” You rocked back on your hands and knees, building up the physical and mental strength needed to get back to your feet.
“Here, let me help you,” he extended one hand to you, the other hand gently grasped your elbow. He carefully helped you sit on the edge of the bed. “Once you’re ready, I can help you to your room. If you want.”
“Oh, that would be nice. But, uh, you probably shouldn’t. Zeke told me to leave you alone,” your voice was filled with shame, your eyes downcast. “Thank you, though.”
“What? Why?”
“Mmm, something about you having better things to do,” an exasperated sigh left you. “I suppose he's not wrong, though. Someone's gotta hold Reiner accountable," you forced out a laugh. "Anyway, I want to thank you for saving me back there. You really didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, well. If I just let you die, then there wouldn't be anybody else around here who gets irritated by Reiner as much as I do."
Silence sat heavy between the two of you for several minutes. You thanked Porco for his help the past few days. He made sure that you were able to stand and walk without falling before he left you to go back to your room. You both turned separate directions out of the infirmary and you made the long journey to your own little piece of the world. Up a few flights of stairs and down the longest part of the hallway is where your room was. It was the room that was furthest from everything. Small and dirty, it had been used for storage for many years. A dingy mattress, a tattered blanket, and a pillow that was almost as flat as your blanket was all that you had. A single window was the saving grace of this place. Sometimes late at night when you were sure that everyone else was asleep, you were able to sneak onto the roof and watch the night sky in all its glory. It made you wonder if there was anyone else out there looking at the stars like you. Maybe there was someone out there who was looking for you.
A light tap, tap, tap pulled you away from your thoughts. Surely, you must be hearing things. A head injury could do that, you supposed. But when you heard the shuffling of feet and some quiet grumbles, you knew that your hearing was fine. You opened the door no more than a crack in order to see who was out there. If you had to guess, it would be Zeke coming to tell you that you had to be up early in order to clean some disgusting place within the barracks.
“Galliard?” You opened the door a little further.
“Tch, I thought I told you…it’s Porco,” he said with a slight irritation in his voice.
“Oh, uh, sorry.”
A brief moment of awkward silence filled the space between the two of you. Neither of you were looking at the other. He was waiting for you to say something else, and you were waiting for him to leave.
“Did you..er..do you..need something?”
“I just wanted to make sure you got back to your room alright. You seemed like you were struggling to walk.”
“Oh. Well, as you can see, I’m back in my room. So thanks for checking on me, again.” You started to close the door, but he stuck his hand out to prevent you from closing it any further.
“Yeah, but are you alright? You were knocked out pretty good and the more I thought about it, the more I think you should still be in the infirmary.” He pushed his way into your room, and you did nothing to stop him. He stood at the door, which he closed behind him, and took in the surroundings.
“I definitely think you should still be in that sick bed. This place is shit. No offense.” He walked over to the window and took a peek outside. “Hm, this view isn’t too bad.”
“It’s even better if you sit out on the roof,” you blurted out.
He quirked an eyebrow. “Show me.”
“Show you?”
“Yeah, c’mon. Let me see this ‘better view’.”
“Um, okay,” you whispered reluctantly. As carefully and as quietly as possible, you pushed the window open. The night breeze blew across your skin and helped cool your body, but it did little to soothe your nerves. One leg over the window ledge, your foot finding solid ground on the roof before the rest of your body ducked under the upper window frame, and you swung your other leg over. Porco followed suit.
“Well, this is it,” you gestured to the sky. The sky was cerulean blue, dark, deep, and littered with the silver twinkle of infinite stars. The moon sat just above the buildings, the crescent shape looking like a toothy smile that was withholding a series of secrets. Secrets that you were desperate to know and understand.
Porco stood with his hands in his pockets while he stared up at the sky. It was quiet, calm, and brought a sense of wonder. Like it was from a different time and place. He wondered if the stars have ever burned this bright before; he’d never noticed, never really took the time to notice.
“I usually just sit here for a while and just…think.” You sat down, pulling your knees close to your chest and wrapping your arms around your legs.
“What do you usually think about?” Porco asked, mimicking your motion of sitting down.
“Do you want the honest answer?”
“Yeah.”
You took a deep breath as you thought about how you wanted to phrase your answer.
“I usually think about my dreams…er, I guess they’re more nightmares-”
“Your nightmares? Why would you think about that?”
“Well, I sometimes think I might remember something about my life before here. I can see myself flying between buildings along with other people. And titans. So many titans. There’s almost always a feeling of dread.
But, I try to focus more on the one thing that brings me some sort of comfort. There’s always the same face in my dreams. A man’s face. He seems familiar, like I know him and he knows me. Maybe he cares for me or something. And I stare up at the sky and think ‘maybe he’s looking at the same sky, maybe he’s looking for me’. But now that I say that outloud, it seems kind of silly,” you sheepishly chuckled.
“Nah, it doesn’t seem silly. You probably have some pretty boy out there looking for you,” he said matter-of-factly.
“Pretty boy?”
“Yeah, I bet pretty boys are your type.”
“How would you know what ‘my type’ is, Galli–ah, Porco? What if I told you that Reiner is my type?” you teased.
“Reiner? Uck, yeah right! Don’t even joke about that,” he threw a piece of debris at you. “Although, he’s a dumbass, you’re a dumbass. So you two could be dumbasses together,” he blew air out of his nose.
“Shut up,” you laughed. You leaned back onto your hands as you readjusted yourself, but your fingers accidentally grazed Porco’s fingers. Immediately, you withdrew your hand and tucked them back under your knees.You focused on a particular star that seemed to be larger than the rest. Embarrassment and another feeling you couldn’t quite describe flowed through your body. You could see him in your peripheral vision. Porco stared at his hand, and then to you, and then back to his hand.
“Ah, you should probably be going soon. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble for being here. And to be honest, I don’t know what would happen if Zeke caught me out here and with you, specifically after he told me to leave you alone,” you sighed, reality coming back to you and your embarrassment being replaced with guilt.
“I know that Zeke is higher ranking than us, but what can he actually do to you that makes you so scared of stepping out of line?” Porco asked. It wasn’t demeaning or mocking, it was just out of a sense of curiosity. He hoped that he could understand your motivations better.
“My life is in his hands. If he decides that I’m too much of a burden or I’m too troublesome, then he’ll feed me to the titans.” You tore your gaze away from the night sky and looked at him. “I’ve seen it…in my dreams. Not me. But other people. People I think I knew. I hear their anguished cries and I’ve seen their faces scrunched in fear and desperation. I’ve seen it over and over again. And I know that’s not how I want to go.”
He stared back at you, his brow scrunched and a little pout showed that he was in thought. “Yeah, me neither.”
Silence lingered between the two of you for a few moments. The silence was becoming more comfortable the more time you spent together. Neither one of you was sure what to say. But it was getting late, and you were worried that Porco might get caught for being out of his room so late. It was also getting cold, and if you didn’t close the window soon, your room would be too cold for you to sleep somewhat comfortably.
Porco stood up, effectively snapping you out of your thoughts.
“I should probably go.” He held his hand out to you. You stared at it in confusion.
“Take my hand, dummy. I’ll help you back inside.”
The heat rushed to your face. You grabbed his hand and he yanked you up. It might have been a little too hard, because you lost your balance for a split second and bumped into him, causing him to catch you in his embrace. Even more heat coursed through your entire body, and you quickly apologized and made your way to the window and back inside.
“Galliard, I’m sorry. But I don’t know if-”
He flicked your forehead. “...Porco, ______. I’m Porco. Maybe we can do this again soon. And maybe you won’t be so nervous next time. I know you’re scared of Zeke’s threats. But, you shouldn’t worry. As long as I’m around, I’ll look out for you.”
With that, he disappeared down the hallway. And for the rest of the night, you laid in bed and thought about what he meant by what he said. When you eventually fell asleep, you dreamed of something different. The man from your dreams appeared as usual. But no nightmares. No screaming or cries. No sounds of horror. No, you mostly just dreamt of Porco.