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“I think I know now why I love playing guitar”
He said it while hugging his, eyes down, a bitter smile
“I don’t really like physical touch. Part of it is because I’m just simply a shy person. and the other part is because, well, I think I’m just not that close with anyone to be so touchy, you know.”
I don’t trust people, is what he didn’t say.
“But sometimes I need physical touch, too. when I don’t feel like myself, when I doubt everything I do, when I just… hate everything. Then I will just play my guitar, and have it close to me. It’s the closest I get to a hug”
He laughs like he doesn't believe he just said it.
“When I sing too. I sing for myself and it’s so comfortable. I can speak-, I mean, I can let out voices without having to think so much about what I said. it’s a lyric, no one will blame me for what lyric I sing. it’s just a lyric, after all”
he finally looks up, still hugging his guitar like asking for support, biting his lips.
“pathetic, isn’t it?”
their eyes met. silence for what feels like forever.
At this kind of time, Donghyuck curses his inability to form words that are not insults. It's not his specialty to speak kindly. It's Mark’s. Even with years of attached-to-the-hip relationship, Mark’s act of kindness can’t get passed into Donghyuck.
“Do you want to try it?”, he said, instead.
“Try what?”
“Hug. The, ehm- hugging?”
silent. Mark’s eyes wide open. Donghyuck sifts closer, maintains eye contact, and slowly gets closer. Mark looks like he can’t breathe. Hyuck holds Mark’s hand that’s in the guitar’s neck. Slowly put it off of his lap and set it aside. Hyuck then drops his head on the older shoulder, giving him time to back out in case he makes him uncomfortable. But when Mark didn’t say anything, he shifted even closer, chest touching, hand crossing behind Mark’s back.
Hyuck starts to think this is a bad idea. Mark is so stiff and not moving at all. But not long after, he lets out a long sigh and relaxes, mirroring Hyuck’s gesture and holding him tight.
“wow, this actually feels nice”
“better than your guitar?”
“comes close”
there’s a slap on Mark’s back, and he lets out an oofff and laughs.
“you are annoying”
“you love me”
I do, hyuck thinks. so he said it, almost like a whisper in Mark’s ear. “I do” “unfortunately”
Hyuck can’t see it, but he can feel Mark smiling from his cheek movement on his neck.
“But honestly, this is not that bad. this actually feels nice”
“right?”
“Maybe I should try hugging people more”
“No!!”
“ My god, my ear!!” Mark pushes himself from Donghyuck while closing his ear, looking at Hyuck that is pouting.
“This feels nice because I give the best hug! it won’t feel nice with other people. trust me!”
Mark smiles. So cute. Hyuck is so cute.
“Stop that stupid smile, do you even get what I’m saying?”
“yes, yes, okay” oh, Mark just can’t stop smiling.
“Okay what?”
“I won’t try hugging people?”
“good. If you need a hug, just come to me. The guitar is nice, but it’s hard. me? me soft”, Hyuck said while batting his eyelash and poking his cheek with his pointed finger.
Mark can’t stop himself from laughing, his head is thrown back.
“Can we do it again, then?”Mark asked after the laughter died down.
“what?”
“hug”
Hyuck smiles. “okay”
They hug again. Hyuck swings their body slowly, left-right-left-right.
“Hyung, jokes aside, you know you can tell me anything, right?’
There’s a second of silence before Mark answers
“Hmm, I know”
“I won’t judge, you can tell me literally anything. or maybe start little by little if it’s too hard for now”
“I know”
“I know I’m not good with comforting words. I will just listen if you want me to!”
“Yeah, Hyuck, I know”, he chuckles.
“I give the best hug, right, Hyung? Don’t go to anyone asking for a hug, okay?”
Mark smiled, let out a big sigh, and tightened the hand on Donghyuk's back. His heart feels a lot lighter.
“Okay”