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“I’m baaaaaack,” Kagiura announced as he stepped back into the room, his eyes half closed as he shuffled along the floor in his room slippers and all but flopped down on his bed.
Hirano looked up from what he was doing, watching Kagiura trudge his way over to his bed. “Welcome back. You look beat.”
A weary groan rose up from where Kagiura had his face pressed into his mattress, the sound muffled. “That’s because I am. I think I’ll just go to sleep like this. Goodnight, Hirano-san.”
“Dummy,” Hirano chuckled. “Go take your bath and then you can go to sleep. You’ve worked hard today.”
“Can’t you go take it for me? I’ll just stay right here, thanks.”
This time, Hirano sounded a little more annoyed when he spoke. “Hell no. Go take your own damn bath. If you do that, I’ll lay out your futon for you for when you get back.”
Kagiura turned his head to the side to look over at Hirano, finally sounding a little more awake. “Really?” Still, he sighed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. “Fine, I’ll go.” With what seemed like a great deal of effort, he pushed up to his feet and started to gather his shower supplies.
Along with the other second-years in the dorm, Kagiura had been busy planning and preparing for the dorm's annual Christmas party. They had some assistance from the first-years, but for the most part, the third-years were too busy gearing up for college entrance exams and finals to help out. Kagiura didn't envy them one bit. It may have been hard work budgeting for all the food and decorations, but he'd much rather do that than spend hours poring over test questions.
“Did you guys manage to get all the prep work done at least?”
“Yeah,” Kagiura nodded. “We’ve just gotta finish putting up the last of the decorations tomorrow and make sure all the food is ready to be put out.” He sighed heavily and pursed his lips. “Why didn’t you tell me how much work went into putting on the dorm’s Christmas party?”
Hirano chuckled. “I’m pretty sure I mentioned it at least once. But it sounds like you guys have everything under control."
"Your group had Hanzawa-san though, and he's basically like five people," Kagiura stated, a pout on his lips.
There was a beat of silence before Hirano spoke again. "Okay, you may have a point there. But I did see him helping you out with the tree."
Kagiura smiled, perking up a little. "He did! And that was very nice of him. But every time we asked for his input on something else, he told us we had to figure it out for ourselves."
"He's not wrong. I'd have done the same thing. You guys are second-years already, so you should be able to manage this much on your own."
"I don't know if this year's party will be as good as last year's, but we're doing our best!" He made his way over to the door, exchanging his room slippers for his hall ones.
Hirano smiled. "Guess I'll get to see the result of your hard work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it." He waved Kagiura off. "Now go get your bath before your time is up."
With a smile, Kagiura nodded. "I will!"
"Oh! I almost forgot!" Kagiura bolted upright in bed, looking over toward Hirano, who was already under his own covers. "We didn't hug today!"
A chuckle rumbled up from Hirano's side of the room. "You really must be tired if you even forgot about that." He turned over to face Kagiura. "I was wondering if you were gonna remember."
"You could've said something," Kagiura replied, voice petulant. "I don't always have to be the one to bring it up."
Slowly, Hirano dragged himself upright, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, well…you were busy with the party prep at the time."
This was something new they had been trying for a few months now. After Hirano had mentioned that just holding hands for ten seconds a day didn't exactly make them feel like lovers, Kagiura had suggested they take things a little further and try hugging. They hadn't put a specific time limit on it—Hirano had at least relaxed that much—but for a few seconds a day, Kagiura got to pretend they were dating and that Hirano was actually happy to embrace him. And to his credit, Hirano hadn't protested as much as Kagiura had expected him to. There were even a fair few times it was Hirano who pulled away last. That didn't mean his feelings were changing, of course, but Kagiura was going to hold onto hope.
So naturally, he wasn’t going to pass up this opportunity to embrace Hirano, even if it was only for a few seconds before they went to bed. The guy didn’t seem to mind, so Kagiura saw fit to take every advantage he was given. Pushing his futon back, he stood up, crossing the room to approach Hirano’s bed. “Well I’m free now, so can we hug?” He opened his arms as if waiting for Hirano to simply step into his embrace.
It took a few seconds, but Hirano finally acquiesced with a small huff and stood as well, shuffling the step or two over to Kagiura. “Where was all this energy earlier, huh?”
Kagiura smiled as he felt Hirano’s arms wind around him, his own easily enveloping Hirano’s slender form. “This is different. I’ve always got energy for hugging.” Before he could even hear it, he felt the rumble of Hirano’s chuckle beneath his hands.
“Try to reroute some of that energy toward your studies for a change.”
“That’s no fun,” Kagiura pouted.
“It’s not supposed to be fun. You just have to do it.”
“Do we have to talk about studying? We’re supposed to be hugging.” With the current semester having just recently wound down, school was the last thing Kagiura wanted to think about. It was time to enjoy the winter break and, more importantly, his birthday.
Hirano chuckled again. “We are hugging, dummy.”
Kagiura both heard and felt him take a deep breath, and then the gentle weight of Hirano’s forehead was pressing against his shoulder. For a moment, Kagiura froze, worried that if he moved, he might disturb Hirano as though he were a skittish bird. It was rare that Hirano was needy with him, so he didn't want to do anything that might make him pull away. So he stayed still, letting the seconds stretch on while he took measured, shallow breaths. Could Hirano hear how loudly his heart was beating? Ever so slightly, he tightened his hold, wanting to cherish these few moments, and at the same time, distract himself from the desire to run his fingers through Hirano's hair.
If Kagiura weren’t so tall, it would be so easy for him to bury his face in the crook of Hirano’s neck, feel the warmth of his skin, breathe him in. The thought had crossed his mind before, but he hadn’t wanted to risk it. Hirano was only doing him a favor, after all, and he was still trying his best not to push him any further than he was comfortable. Even just doing this much was more than he had expected. Eventually, he broke the silence. “Hirano-san…?”
“Sorry.” Hirano lifted his head. “I guess my energy’s all tapped out too.” He gave a few pats to Kagiura’s back before finally lowering his arms. “C’mon, let’s hit the hay. We’ve got a full day ahead of us tomorrow.”
Though he would’ve liked to hold onto that moment for just a little longer, Kagiura had no choice but to go along with him, unwinding his own arms from around Hirano. There was a coolness that crept into his chest as soon as they stepped apart, the warmth of Hirano’s body leaving him all too quickly. “Right.” He watched as Hirano slid back under his covers and soon turned away so he could do the same, his bed once again calling him with the sweet siren song of sleep. The covers pulled up around his shoulders, he looked toward the bed across the room, but Hirano was facing away. “Goodnight, Hirano-san.”
“Night.”
Now that he was lying in bed with no distractions, Kagiura realized he was really looking forward to tomorrow. Not only was it the day of the dorm party, it was also his birthday. Thanks to their busy schedules, they hadn’t been able to celebrate his birthday in advance this year, but he was still quietly hoping that perhaps Hirano had a little something up his sleeve yet. It didn’t even matter if it was after his birthday, he just wanted to be able to celebrate the day with him. Regardless of what Christmas might hold for him, Kagiura wasn’t going to be able to fully enjoy it if he didn’t get a proper night’s sleep, so he settled into bed and let sleep claim him.
“Ahh, I ate so much food!” Kagiura put a hand to his stomach and gave it a pat. “Everything tasted so good though.”
“You guys did a great job with the spread this year,” Hirano agreed with a smile. “Everything turned out really well after all.” He reached up, playfully ruffling Kagiura’s hair. “See? I knew you could do it.”
Kagiura grumbled a bit at the attention but let Hirano have his way. It was still nice to be praised, even if he couldn’t take credit for all the work. “Thanks! We did our best.” Just then he was jostled from behind, turning to see what had happened.
“Hey, don’t put that on me! You should be wearing it yourself!” The guy, a fellow student, turned to Kagiura after bumping into him. “Oh, sorry.” He threw up an apologetic hand gesture before turning back toward his friend, trying to wrestle something away from him.
Watching the guys’ antics, Hirano gestured toward them. “But what I don’t get is that.” His attention turned back to Kagiura. “What’s that supposed to be anyway?”
“It’s a headband,” Kagiura explained, distracted by the way the guy who was wearing it was trying to fend off an exaggerated kiss from another student. It looked like some sort of novelty headband, a piece of wire standing up from the center of it and bending back down in a hook, a small cluster of mistletoe suspended from the end. “One of the guys who just returned from studying abroad in America brought it back with him. Apparently there’s some sort of legend there that says if two people are standing underneath mistletoe, they have to kiss.”
For a moment, Hirano simply watched the goings-on, the guy who had been wearing the headband pulling it off before chasing after someone else. “Huh.” His attention shifted back to Kagiura and he shrugged. “Seems like a pretty silly legend if you ask me.”
Kagiura’s gaze eventually shifted away from the guys and back to Hirano. “So you wouldn’t kiss someone if you found yourself under the mistletoe with them?” It was probably a lost cause, he knew, but maybe there was a small chance Hirano would see fit to play along.
“Why would I?” Hirano shook his head. “It’s not like it’s a rule or anything.”
Even though he had expected the answer, Kagiura was still a little disappointed to hear it. He had briefly entertained the idea of snagging the headband for himself and trying to catch Hirano under it, but now he knew not to expect anything. Still, he couldn’t help but pout a little. “No, but it could be fun.”
Once again, Hirano shrugged. “Well the other guys can have their fun with it if they want.” He gestured to the Santa hat perched atop his head and grinned. “I’d like to see them try to put that thing on me while I’ve got this on.”
Kagiura studied the hat for a moment, then gave Hirano a mischievous grin as he reached out and snatched it off his head, placing it squarely on his own. “You’re too defenseless, Hirano-san,” he teased, holding tight to the hat even as Hirano reached out to take it back. “Anybody could sneak that headband onto you while you’re not paying attention.” It was almost cute, the way Hirano was trying so desperately to get the hat back, huffing and glaring at Kagiura as he kept it just out of his reach.
“If they know what’s best for them they won’t,” Hirano threatened. He finally subsided with a grunt of disappointment. “Who said you could be so freaking tall anyway? Have you grown again?”
Practically beaming, Kagiura nodded. “Yep, another centimeter!”
For a moment, Hirano regarded him critically, as if sizing him up. “Geez, I’ve already gotta crane my neck to talk to you. Leave some height for the rest of us, why don’t you.”
“I’ll probably level off soon. I'm about as tall as my dad is now.” Kagiura smiled, reaching out to pat the top of Hirano’s head even though he knew it would likely earn him a glare. “I think you’re a good height though.” His voice dropped lower, mindful of where they were and who might be listening. “You fit perfectly against me when we hug.”
Hirano sputtered a little, cheeks turning pink. But before he could formulate a response, almost as if on cue, Hanzawa approached them, his usual affable smile on his face. “And how are you two doing? Enjoying the festivities?”
Picking up for Hirano’s slack, Kagiura quickly jumped in. “We are!” He smiled, glancing around the room. “I’ve eaten so much good food! And it looks like everyone else is having fun too.”
“You second-years did a great job of planning everything this year,” Hanzawa commended, nodding. Briefly, his eyes opened, and he looked over at Hirano. “Since this will be our last dorm party, I’m happy to see it’s such a success. Make sure you make some good memories.” His eyes closed again and he turned back to Kagiura. “That goes for you as well. It’s your birthday after all, isn’t it, Kagiura?”
“It is!”
“How old are you now, seventeen?”
Kagiura nodded. “Yep!”
“Ah, youth. I remember that time well.”
Finally, Hirano recovered enough to chime in. “You’re only older by a year.”
Hanzawa simply laughed in response, seeming to be enjoying himself a great deal.
“Hanzawa-san, do you know where the extra trash bags are?” someone called out.
“Ah, looks like I’m needed elsewhere.” He gave Hirano and Kagiura a wave. “Don’t have too much fun.” Before turning away, he looked once more at Kagiura. “Happy birthday, by the way.” Then he was off to help someone else.
Basketball and school might have kept Kagiura busy, but his schedule had nothing on Hanzawa’s, and he certainly didn’t envy him that. He watched the guy go, then turned his attention back to Hirano, smiling. “Well what should we do now?”
Hirano seemed to consider this for a moment, then gave Kaigura a teasing grin. “You wanna step outside for a few minutes? See if you can spot the Northern Lights this year?”
“That’s not nice, Hirano-san,” Kagiura pouted, remembering back to last year’s party, and how he had naively believed a third-year who told him he could see the aurora outside.
Try though he might, Hirano couldn’t quite control his laughter as a faint chuckle slipped past his lips. “Sorry, sorry!”
After hearing the apology, Kagiura’s pout melted into a smile. “I wouldn’t mind stepping outside for a few minutes though. Just to get some fresh air.”
“Yeah? Then let me grab my jacket real quick and I’ll join you.”
As Kagiura sat on the bench just outside the dorm, looking up at what stars he could see in the mostly cloudless sky, he thought about how familiar this all felt. He had genuinely enjoyed his birthday and was having a great time at the party despite all the effort he had put into helping set up for it. And now Hirano was here with him, sharing the same bench under the stars, and he couldn’t help but be glad that his heart felt much more settled this year. There was nothing he needed to say to Hirano that he hadn’t already said—multiple times, even. And even if Hirano’s feelings for him never changed, he could still be happy where they were now.
“So where’s that aurora?” Hirano teased, arms crossed over his chest to keep out the cold.
Kagiura shot him a brief flat look. “Very funny.” Tipping his head up toward the sky, he pointed toward a particularly bright star. “You can’t see it from here, but you can see Orion and the Winter Triangle.”
Hirano made a sound of understanding, peering up toward the heavens as well, but then shook his head. “Sorry, I’ve never been good at figuring out constellations. They all just look like dots to me.”
“You see those three bright stars in a line?” With his finger, Kagiura drew a path connecting the stars.
“Ah, yeah. What’s that supposed to be?”
Kagiura smiled softly. “That’s Orion’s belt. And if you look closely, there are two bright stars above it and two below it, kind of like a big rectangle. The ones on top are his shoulders, and the ones below are his legs”
Hirano hummed softly. “Seems like kind of a stretch to call that a picture.”
“Well there’s more to it than just that. He’s got arms and a bow, but they’re a bit harder to make out, especially in the city.”
“What about that triangle?” Hirano shifted a bit closer. “That should be easy enough for me to figure out.”
Part of Kagiura wondered if Hirano really had any interest in the stars at all or if he was just trying to make conversation. But Kagiura decided to play along just in case he really was trying to learn something. “The Winter Triangle? Yeah, that one’s easy to see.” He pointed up again, to the bright, reddish star making up Orion’s left shoulder. “You see that big star above Orion’s belt? The one that makes up his left shoulder? That’s Betelgeuse. If you draw a line straight over to the left, you can see another bright star. That’s Procyon.”
“Ah, I see it. And the third point?”
It wasn’t lost on Kagiura that Hirano was leaning in closer to him now, presumably trying to get a better idea of where he was pointing. Surely, there wasn’t anything more to it than that, no matter how much he may have wished it. From this distance, he realized he could even smell Hirano, just the faint scent of whatever product he used in his hair, but it was something familiar and comforting and unmistakably Hirano. It would be so easy for him to wrap an arm around Hirano’s waist like this and pull him close under the guise of staying warm. They hadn’t hugged today, after all, but Kagiura knew better than to spring something like that on Hirano without his permission. He’d just have to be content with this.
“Is that it? That bright star down there?”
The sudden question snapped Kagiura out of his reverie, and he tried his best to follow where Hirano’s finger was pointing. “Oh! Yes, that’s Sirius!” He smiled brightly, happy that Hirano was playing along, even if he had no real interest in the stars. “And now you know how to find the Winter Triangle.”
Hirano shifted away a bit, a smile on his face. “That wasn’t too hard.” After a few moments, he turned his head toward Kagiura. “You’re into this kinda thing, Kagi-kun?”
“A little,” Kagiura answered with a shrug. “I spent a lot of time at my grandfather’s house when I was a kid, and you can see so many more stars out in the country where there are fewer lights around. My grandfather gave me a book on constellations, and I used to go outside every night when the sky was clear and try to find them.” He tipped his head to the side, suddenly feeling a little sheepish for dominating the conversation. “I don’t remember too many though.”
For a while, Hirano was silent, simply gazing up at the sky, watching a wispy cloud drift its way over Procyon. “If I ever get the chance to go there with you again,” he said softly, a faint smile on his lips, “maybe you can show me something new.”
The roundabout request caught Kagiura a little off guard, but he couldn’t help smiling. It always made him happy to hear that Hirano wanted to spend more time with him outside of school. But with him graduating in just a few more months, it didn’t seem very likely that it would ever come to pass. He wasn’t going to let that sour this moment though. “Of course! You’re always welcome to come visit.”
They sat in silence for a bit, muffled sounds of laughter and happy conversation drifting out from the party still going on behind them. Kagiura wasn’t really in any hurry to get back to it at the moment. Even though all they were doing was sitting next to one another, he felt much happier here, in this quiet space with just the two of them. It kind of made him feel like they were on a date, nervously fumbling for the courage to hold hands or ask for a kiss. Unfortunately, he knew well that even if he asked for it, Hirano wasn’t likely to give it to him. He had made that quite clear over the past year. But he could still ask for a hug, and that had a nearly 100% chance of being successful. Before he could though, Hirano spoke up.
“It seems like there are more stars than there were last year.”
Kagiura looked up to the sky again. “I think that’s just because the moon isn’t as bright tonight.”
“Is that it?” Hirano let a few beats pass before he continued. “The moon’s pretty though.”
Just then, Kagiura felt his heart flutter in his chest. This wasn’t the first time Hirano had spoken those words to him, and every time he did, Kagiura couldn’t help but think about how someone had once told him that phrase was code for ‘I love you.’ But as was the case the last time as well, he knew that wasn’t how Hirano had meant it. That still didn’t stop him from hoping though, and he so desperately wanted to pretend that perhaps Hirano was just shy and couldn’t bring himself to say the words outright yet. It was a nice little fantasy, but that’s all it was.
“Aren’t you cold like that?” Hirano gestured to Kagiura’s light sweater.
Kagiura shook his head, both to clear his wandering thoughts and to give Hirano an answer. “Not really. It’s not that cold out tonight.” He grinned a bit smugly, pointing to the Santa hat still perched on his head. “Besides, I’ve got this nice hat to keep me warm.”
Hirano clucked his tongue but still grinned. “Yeah, well, enjoy your prize. Just don’t come crying to me when you catch a cold.”
“I’ll be fine,” Kagiura replied with a petulant pout. His expression soon melted into a smile as he reached out to tap a finger against Hirano’s nose. “Besides, you’re the one whose nose is red.”
The action seemed to catch Hirano a little off guard, but he quickly recovered, chuckling. “Yours is kinda pink too, you know.” He reached out as well, giving Kagiura’s nose a gentle tap. “But if I somehow manage to catch a cold, I guess you’ll just have to nurse me back to health for a change.”
Kagiura answered without missing a beat. “I will!”
After a minute, Hirano spoke again. “Hey, Kagi-kun.” His voice seemed to have lost most of its playfulness, taking on a quieter, more serious tone.
“Hm?”
Hirano lifted a hand, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Sorry I didn’t get to give you your birthday present in advance this year.”
“Eh?” The fact hadn’t gone unnoticed by Kagiura, but they had both been quite busy this year between exam prep and basketball practice and planning the dorm’s Christmas party. He didn’t blame Hirano for letting something as silly as a birthday present fall by the wayside. “It’s okay,” he replied with a smile and a shake of his head. “There was a lot going on this year.”
This time, Hirano’s voice was edging into irritation. “It’s not okay. You’ve always gone above and beyond for my birthday, so it’s only fair that I do the same, right?”
“You really don’t have to mmph—” Kagiura’s eyes went wide as Hirano suddenly pressed his hand over his mouth.
“Just shut up for a sec and let me do this.”
Had his mouth not been covered, Kagiura would’ve asked what he meant by that, but he obediently stayed quiet, even after Hirano pulled his hand away. Maybe it was nothing, but Hirano seemed to be acting a bit…on edge? It wasn’t a behavior Kagiura was used to seeing from him, but he still trusted Hirano and was content to wait it out and see just what he had up his sleeve.
And that wasn't very far off the mark.
Kagiura watched as Hirano pulled something out from under his jacket. It took him a moment to figure out what it was, his eyes once again going wide when he recognized it as the headband from earlier. Of all the things he could’ve imagined, this was not one of them, yet he didn’t dare say a word until he knew just what Hirano intended to do with it. His eyes were glued to Hirano’s hands, watching as he turned the headband around and fiddled with the wire, then lifted it up and placed it squarely on his own head.
“Hirano-san…” The word came out soft and breathy, quietly awed. Was this really it? Was he finally about to get the chance to do something he had only dreamed about? Something that had been on his mind for nearly a full year now? His heartbeat sped up in anticipation, any cold that had seeped into him immediately melting away in the heat of his nervous apprehension.
When he dropped his gaze back to Hirano’s face, he could see that this was affecting him just as strongly. Where the cold had tinted his nose red before, now his whole face was bright red, the color even creeping down to his neck. He looked at once nervous and embarrassed, and it took him longer than usual to meet Kagiura’s eyes.
“What?” Hirano huffed, straightening up a bit and squaring his shoulders. “This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“It is!” For a moment, Kagiura worried that his answer had come a little too quickly, been a bit too forceful. He softened his voice, quieter now. “It is, but…”
“‘But’ what?”
Although Kagiura wasn’t one to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially when said horse was wearing a mistletoe headband and looking so invitingly kissable, he couldn’t help but feel like this was a bit too good to be true. He might have dreamed about one day getting to kiss Hirano, he wasn’t sure he wanted it to happen like this, out of pity or a sense of obligation. It had to be because Hirano wanted it, too.
He continued. “You don’t have to do this. I appreciate that you wanted to give me something special for my birthday, but I don’t want you to do it out of pity.” There was a soft smile on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His gaze shifted to the little cluster of fake mistletoe dangling above Hirano’s head and he reached up to give it a little tug. “I want you to kiss me because you want to kiss me, not just because you’re wearing a funny headband that involves some silly kissing ritual.”
A deep frown tugged on Hirano’s lips and he sighed heavily, pulling the headband off. “Kagi-kun,” he began, voice slow and measured, “you’ve known me for almost two years now. Do you really think I’d make this offer if I didn’t really want to do it?”
Despite his misgivings, a tiny spark of hope bloomed in Kagiura’s chest. Hirano made a good point. While Kagiura had goaded him into doing a few things he wasn’t entirely happy about over the course of their friendship, Hirano was always very clear about where he drew the line. There were some things even puppy eyes and repeated asking couldn’t get him to agree to. So if he was sincerely offering….
It was hard to keep enthusiasm from creeping into his voice, and what came out sounded more wary than anything. “No, I guess you wouldn’t.”
A few seconds went by while they stared awkwardly at each other, Hirano finally shrugging expectantly. “...Well?”
“Do you really want to kiss me, Hirano-san?” Part of him knew he could be setting himself up for disappointment, but he just had to hear it from the guy himself to be sure.
Hirano furrowed his brows. “I already said I did, didn’t I?”
He wasn’t asking for too much, was he? Kagiura pursed his lips, a little defiant. “Not in those exact words, no.”
Again, Hirano clucked his tongue, rubbing at one red cheek. “Does that really matter?” He huffed impatiently. “Do you want me to kiss you or not?”
“It does matter to me,” Kagiura argued. Hesitantly, he reached out, running the backs of his fingers over Hirano’s cheek. Despite the fierce blush still present, the skin was cool to the touch. “Of course I want you to kiss me. I just want to hear you say that’s what you want, too. I need to know that we’re on the same page.”
It took a few moments, but Hirano took a deep breath as if he needed to gear himself up to say it. The words, when he finally spoke them, were so quiet Kagiura almost wasn’t sure he had said them at all. “I do.”
Kagiura leaned a little closer to hear him better. “Hm?”
Hirano tried again, a little louder this time. “I do…want to kiss you, okay?”
"Really?" Kagiura's voice was soft and almost awed. Just hearing that confession made his heart feel like it had skipped a beat. “How long have you wanted to kiss me?” He knew he was probably pressing his luck, but there was no way he could let a statement like that slide without some sort of follow-up. Just how long had he been keeping these feelings in? Why hadn’t he said anything before tonight? Kagiura so desperately wanted to know.
“What do you mean?”
Kagiura pursed his lips. “How long have you wanted to kiss me? You didn’t just decide to do it today, right?”
“No, I…” Hirano began, looking away for a moment, his face even redder than before. “I dunno, it was a week or two ago, I guess.”
“That long!?” Kagiura’s voice was incredulous. How had Hirano managed to go so long without giving him any indication that his feelings had changed? When he remembered back to when he had first realized he was in love with Hirano, the signs were obvious. He had spent at least a full week being avoidant and awkward around the guy.
Hirano’s brows furrowed and he huffed softly, annoyance in his voice. “What? I don’t know what you want me to say." He paused for a moment, then scrubbed a hand through his hair and looked away before continuing, quiet and reluctant. "We were hugging one night and it felt really nice to have your arms around me and you smelled good after your bath and I just thought ‘if I just tipped my head up right now, I could kiss him.’ That’s all it was.”
For a moment, Kagiura was struck speechless, and he reached up to cover his mouth, his own cheeks flushing to match Hirano's. “That’s…so cute.” The words were out of his mouth before he even realized what he was saying. Hirano responded by shooting him a quick glare. “Sorry, but it is.”
“You’re the one who asked!” Hirano groused.
Kagiura could only smile, feeling his love for Hirano grow even more than before. “I know! And now I know that you want to kiss me.”
Despite his grumblings, Hirano cracked a smile as well, giving him a playful cuff on the arm. “Yeah, I do. Are you happy now?”
This time, Kagiura couldn’t help but giggle in response. Never had he expected his birthday to turn out like this, and he was starting to feel downright giddy at the thought of all the implications of Hirano’s statement. Hirano wanted to kiss him! And he was offering to give him the chance to do just that! With that knowledge under his belt, there was no way Kagiura was going to refuse. “Yes, I’m very happy.”
Seemingly relieved by Kagiura’s response, Hirano exhaled softly and shifted a little bit closer to him. “So are we doing this or what? Do I have to put the dumb headband back on?”
“We’re doing it, we’re doing it!” Kagiura exclaimed, a little worried that if he waited too long, Hirano might change his mind. “You don't need the headband.”
Now that he was finally faced with what he had been waiting for for so long, Kagiura almost didn’t know where to start. Kisses shouldn’t feel planned or forced, right? They should be organic and spontaneous, the sort of thing that happens naturally whenever the feeling is right. Or at least that was what he had always thought. He just had to go with the flow and let the moment take him. Surely Hirano was feeling just as nervous. This was going to be his first kiss after all, wasn’t it?
Oh god, he was about to take Hirano’s first kiss. And he was going to give his to Hirano.
His heart beating wildly in his chest, Kagiura reached out, warm fingers cupping Hirano’s cheek. He licked his lips, just starting to lean in toward him. There was no turning back now.
“Ah, so this is where you two have been hiding!”
Hanzawa’s voice snapped the tension between them like an overstretched rubber band and Kagiura all but leapt backward, Hirano doing much the same. “H-Hanzawa-san!” If Kagiura thought his heart had been beating fast before, it had nothing on the way it was racing now. “Did you, um, need us for something?”
Whether Hanzawa had seen anything was still unclear, but if he had, he was giving no indication, simply smiling over at the two of them as usual. “Your presence is requested back inside, Kagiura.”
Immediately, Kagiura pushed up to his feet. “It is?” Without thinking, he spared a glance for Hirano, noticing that he too was making an attempt to appear casual, one hand pressed against the bench, all of his weight resting on it. “Oh, uh, I’ll be right there.”
“You too, Hirano,” Hanzawa added. “If you stay out here much longer, you’re liable to catch a cold.”
Hirano sighed quietly, but stood as well, shoving his hands in his pockets and making his way over toward the door, just a few steps behind Kagiura. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
Inside, Yashiro was beckoning them over to the food table where the empty plates and platters had been cleared away leaving just the few remaining pizza slices and pieces of fried chicken that were left over. It appeared most of the dorm residents were there as well, crowded around the far side of the table. “Kagiura, over here!”
Thinking nothing of it, Kagiura heeded the call, coming to join Yashiro. Only then did he see what else was on the table—an elaborate cake covered with pink whipped cream, the top of which was loaded with fresh strawberries. A ring of candles stuck out of the frosting, each one lit. “What’s this? Is this all for me?”
Just then, on Yashiro’s cue, all the guys chimed in in unison. “Happy birthday!” The loud pop of party crackers soon followed, coiled streamers and bits of confetti raining down around the table.
“Eh? Really?” Kagiura couldn’t help but be touched by the gesture, smiling at all the happy faces across the table from him. “You guys shouldn’t have!”
“You should blow out your candles before they melt onto the cake,” Hanzawa warned, a pleasant smile on his lips. “And don’t forget to make a wish.”
The gentle reminder prompted Kagiura to nod, stepping closer to the cake. He didn’t have to think about what he would wish for this year—he was still hoping for a confession from Hirano. So he leaned over and blew out the candles in one breath. Once he had straightened up again, he glanced around the room. “Where did this come from?” He knew the cake hadn’t been there earlier, but he didn’t remember seeing it while they were busy prepping all the food to put out.
“Oh, you can thank Hirano for the cake. This was all his idea,” someone stated.
“Hirano-san?” Kagiura whipped around, searching for the man in question who was standing off to one side. “Did you make this cake?”
There was a warm smile on Hirano’s lips, but he snickered at the question. “What? Hell no. Do you really think I could bake something that looks that fancy?” He shook his head, taking a few steps closer to Kagiura. “I ordered it. And I know strawberries are your favorite, so…”
The lengths Hirano had gone to, yet again, to ensure Kagiura’s birthday was something memorable made warmth bloom in his chest. This was the second year Hirano had planned something for him in addition to the usual Christmas festivities and Kagiura couldn’t have been happier with the outcome. “You remembered!” He couldn’t help it, he was beaming with happiness. “Thank you, Hirano-san!”
“Yeah yeah,” Hirano replied, waving a hand dismissively. “Just enjoy your cake.”
Kagiura gave an emphatic nod, still grinning ear to ear. “I will!”
An hour later, the cake was all gone, the rest of the leftovers had been put away, and there were just a few decorations left to take down. Hirano had stuck around to help with the cleanup as a courtesy to the second-years for setting everything up and was gathering up all the streamers and confetti from Kagiura’s birthday surprise earlier.
“Do you need help with that?” Kagiura asked, crouching down next to him.
Hirano shook his head, not looking up. “Nah, I’ve got it. It was my idea after all, so I should be the one to clean it up.”
“If you’re sure….” He hung around for a few more moments before pushing himself to his feet again.
“Oh, Kagiura!” Yashiro came running up next to him and held out his hand expectantly.
“Eh?”
Gesturing to his head, Yashiro clarified, “Your hat. I need it so I can go wash it with the rest of the Santa suit and the tablecloths.”
“Oh!” Immediately, Kagiura pulled the hat off his head, handing it over. “Here you go.”
After taking the hat and adding it to the box of other things to be washed, Yashiro tipped his head to one side, regarding Kagiura warmly. “I think all that’s left is to take out the trash, and we should be able to handle that much. Why don’t you go enjoy the rest of your birthday?”
The offer was nice and all, but what Kagiura really wanted was to spend more time with Hirano, and he couldn’t very well do that while he was still helping clean up. “That’s okay,” he said, giving Yashiro a smile as he shook his head. “I can wait a few more minutes.”
“Suit yourself!” Yashiro shrugged and started to head off, but before he made it more than a few steps, he turned back and waved. “Happy birthday again!”
“Thanks!” Kagiura smiled and waved back, then looked over at Hirano again, noticing he had an unruly mound of paper streamers spilling out of his hands. In no time at all, he procured an almost-full trash bag and held it out for Hirano. “Here. You can put them in this bag.”
Unloading his collection of streamers, Hirano gave him an appreciative nod. “Ah, thanks.” He stood up, stretching stiff muscles, and glanced around. “Is that everything then?”
When Kagiura looked around the room as well, there were only a few other students still hanging around, mostly just chatting. “I think so. Yashiro said all that was left was to take out the trash, and I’ve got that right here,” he said, holding up the bag.
“I’ll take that!” another student exclaimed, jogging up to pluck the bag from Kagiura’s hand. “I’ve got another one to take out too.” He scooted off again before Kagiura could even form a response, clearly eager to get the job over and done with.
Kagiura shrugged, chuckling. “I guess that’s that then! Should we head back to the room?”
“Guess so,” Hirano replied. For a moment, he furrowed his brows, looking like he was trying to remember something, then shook his head. “Ah, I just remembered I forgot something. You can go back ahead of me.”
“Are you sure?” Kagiura watched him curiously, not entirely sure what he could’ve forgotten. “Do you want me to come with you?”
This seemed to give Hirano pause, then he shrugged nonchalantly. “You can if you want, I guess.”
Kagiura didn’t know where they were going, but he was content to follow Hirano, a little surprised when he led them to the side door and back outside. A rush of cold wind hit him as soon as the door opened and he crossed his arms over his chest. “Was it this cold out earlier?”
Hirano looked to be in a similar state, shoulders hunched in an effort to stay warm. “I dunno, but it’s freaking freezing out here!”
“What did you forget out here anyway?” They hadn’t brought anything out here with them when they were looking at the stars earlier, so he couldn’t think of any reason why Hirano would want to come back outside.
Picking something up off the bench they had been sitting on, Hirano turned back to Kagiura, grinning. “This.” With little flourish, Hirano dipped his head for a moment. When he lifted it again, the mistletoe headband was firmly in place. “The offer still stands, you know.”
It never failed to touch him, the lengths Hirano went to to make him happy, and right now, he couldn’t think of anything that would make him happier than kissing Hirano. Okay, except maybe doing it somewhere warmer. Slowly, he took a few steps closer, wrapping his arms around Hirano’s waist, as much out of affection as it was for warmth. Even in the low lighting, from this distance it was easy to see the little puffs of breath in the air every time Hirano breathed, and from the frequency with which they were appearing, he must’ve been nervous. Just that thought alone made Kagiura smile. As always, they were on equal footing there.
“I’ll take it,” he finally answered. Once again, his own heart was racing, anticipation thrumming through him as he tried to prepare himself for what he was about to do. He felt Hirano’s arms wind around him in return. Whether it was from cold or nervousness he didn’t know, but Kagiura swore he could feel a faint tremble in that embrace. This was very new territory after all—for both of them. It would be his first time kissing the person he loved, and he wanted to make sure he got it right.
It would be a lie to say he hadn't envisioned this moment dozens of times before, each time a slightly different scenario playing out in his head. But not once had he imagined it happening on his birthday, outside in the freezing cold, with Hirano wearing a mistletoe headband. It was unexpected and spontaneous and perfect. Hirano was looking at him expectantly, clearly anxious for him to make his move. Well, it wouldn’t do to keep him waiting.
“If you’re gonna do it, then do it. I’m freezing here!”
“Sorry!” Kagiura hurriedly apologized, breaking out of his reverie. He could look back on this moment all he wanted later, but right now, he was going to enjoy it. Slowly, he leaned in toward Hirano, watching as his eyes slid closed. Right, he was supposed to do that too, wasn’t he? So he did just that, leaning closer and closer until—
“Ah.” Hirano pulled back slightly.
“Sorry.” Kagiura’s eyes briefly flickered open, quickly recognizing his mistake. They had both tilted their heads in the same direction and bumped noses. “Let me try again.”
A warm chuckle rumbled through Hirano and he tightened his arms around Kagiura. “Geez, quit acting like this is your first kiss,” he teased. “I promise I won’t bite.”
That was enough to ease the tension and Kagiura pouted a little. “It is my first kiss though. And it’s your first kiss too. I just want it to be perfect.”
Hirano tipped his head up, his cheeks and the tip of his nose flushed pink from the cold, but he was smiling. “What are you gonna remember more about our first kiss, the kiss itself or the fact that we’re standing out here on your birthday, freezing our asses off? The moment is what we make it.”
Kagiura couldn’t help smiling at Hirano’s little pep talk, and he unwound his arms from Hirano’s waist so he could cup his face instead. “Yeah, you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” For a moment, Hirano closed his eyes, leaning into Kagiura’s touch. “How the hell are your hands still warm?”
“You’re keeping me warm.” He rubbed his thumb over Hirano’s cheek, the skin on the cool side of warm. “Maybe I can warm you up too.”
Hirano huffed softly, sending a puff of breath into the cold air between them. “Maybe you should just kiss me already so I can take off this stupid headband and we can go back inside.”
Kagiura giggled softly and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
With his hands guiding him, there was no way they could mess it up this time. Once again, he closed his eyes, leaning in until he could feel the warmth of Hirano’s lips pressed against his own. It only lasted a few seconds before he pulled back, feeling giddy and elated, his heart fluttering with nervous excitement. He had just kissed Hirano! Granted, it wasn’t quite as exciting as he had hoped—no sparks or fireworks ignited when their lips met, but he still felt rather accomplished.
Slowly, Hirano opened one eye, then the other, still looking up at him expectantly. “Is that it?”
“Eh?” Kagiura’s brows furrowed. “Is what it?” Had he done something wrong? Was Hirano not satisfied?
It took a few moments, but Hirano finally shrugged, glancing away. “Nothing. Forget it.”
“Hirano-san,” Kagiura chided, trying to get him to look his way again. “I can’t read your mind, you know.”
With a huff, Hirano reached up to pull the headband off his head. “It’s stupid. I just, I dunno, thought it would be…more.”
“More what?”
“I don’t know,” Hirano groused, seemingly frustrated with his inability to describe what he meant. “More like how it is in the movies, maybe?”
Finally, Kagiura knew what he was talking about. It was the same feeling he had when they had parted. “Ohh.” Surely this was something they could fix, and he was eager to give it another shot. “Should we try again?”
Hirano chuckled, the sound low and rough. “Now look who’s all into it!”
Once again, Kagiura’s hands found their way to Hirano’s face, cupping it gently. He didn’t see any sign of hesitation or reluctance in those blue eyes, so he decided to press his luck. “Of course I want to kiss the guy I’m in love with.”
And there it was—despite the cold, Hirano’s face suddenly flushed an even deeper red, and he wrinkled his nose, voice soft when he spoke. “Yeah, well…me too.”
A gasp. “Hirano-san…!”
Hirano laughed again, fingers curling in Kagiura’s sweater. “Just shut up and kiss me again.” He pushed up onto his toes and pulled Kagiura into another kiss before he had a chance to protest.
This kiss was longer, more heated, their lips parting and pressing, slow and experimental, testing the unfamiliar waters. To Kagiura, it felt so much more like what he had been expecting. It might not have been perfect, but this one had more feeling behind it. They were kissing like they meant it, and even while they were still in the middle of it, all Kagiura could think about was how much he wanted to do it again.
But, like all good things, it eventually had to end. Hirano pulled away first, dropping his head to Kagiura’s shoulder. Silence stretched between them, but it was comfortable, neither of them feeling the need to fill it with unnecessary talk. Once he had had a little time to let his excitement settle, Kagiura realized that it was indeed a faint tremble he was feeling from Hirano’s arms. It really was quite cold out, now that he paid attention to it. “Hirano-san,” he finally spoke up, voice soft and warm, lips brushing against Hirano’s temple, “you’re shaking.”
“Yeah, cuz it’s fucking cold!” Hirano retorted, making a concerted effort to burrow into the warmth of Kagiura’s body.
With a soft chuckle, Kagiura pulled back. “It is, isn't it? Let’s go back inside and get you warmed up.”
The words were barely out of Kagiura’s mouth before Hirano started making his way to the door. “It’s about damn time!”
Kagiura lingered for a bit longer, looking up at the night sky with a pleased smile before he finally joined Hirano indoors, the sudden warmth of the room almost stinging his chilled skin. While they had been outside, the lingering students had finished cleaning up and gone back to their rooms and the lights were now off. The only sign there had ever been a party here was the mistletoe headband Hirano was still holding. Part of Kagiura wanted to keep it as a memento of their first kiss. He couldn't help it, he chuckled softly to himself, giddy and almost a little dazed. He had kissed Hirano—twice, even! It had only happened a few minutes ago, yet everything about it felt like a dream. Without thinking, he raised a hand to press his fingers to his lips, still tingling with the memory of Hirano’s pressed against them, soft and dry, so he knew it had to have been real.
“Are you coming or not?” Hirano called, standing by the door that led to the stairs. He still had his shoulders hunched and was rubbing his arms in an effort to warm them up.
Part of Kagiura was relieved that nothing seemed to have changed between them in spite of their kiss. That was exactly how he wanted it to be, really. They already had a close, supportive relationship and he wanted to keep it that way. Okay, maybe a little more kissing wouldn’t hurt. That didn’t seem like too much to ask, especially now. Maybe Hirano might even let him have one more kiss once they got to their room.
A little spring in his step, Kagiura hurried to catch up to Hirano. “I’m coming!” It only took a few strides of his long legs to close the distance between them, and they headed up the stairs together.
Once they were halfway up, Hirano glanced over at him. “So did you have a good birthday this year?”
Kagiura nodded enthusiastically, a bright smile on his face. “I did! I got the best birthday present ever!”
“Yeah?” Hirano smiled warmly. “That’s good then. Hopefully seventeen will be a good year for you.”
As they reached the top of the stairs, Kagiura thought about this for a moment, soon frowning. “Well, it won’t all be good.” Before Hirano had a chance to question him on it, Kagiura continued, keeping his voice low in the quiet hallway. “You’re graduating soon, after all.”
Hirano’s steps slowed a little as they approached their door, and even he looked a little disappointed. “It’s not like that means goodbye forever. We’ll still see each other sometimes.” Soon, he was smiling again, and he reached up to ruffle Kagiura’s hair. “We’ll just have to make a lot of good memories while I’m still here.”
Ducking away from Hirano’s hand, Kagiura grinned. “Isn’t that what Hanzawa-san told you to do today?”
“Pretty sure he said the same to you too.” Reaching their room, Hirano opened the door and stepped inside, Kagiura following shortly after. He tossed the headband on his bed and made a beeline for a hoodie, pulling it on.
It was kind of amusing, Kagiura thought, watching Hirano attempt to warm himself up. “He did, and I made some amazing memories tonight. Didn’t you?”
Hirano was looking in his closet, seemingly contemplating adding even more layers. His voice sounded a bit distracted when he spoke. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“That’s good. I’m glad, since this was your last dorm Christmas party.” As Kagiura stood watching Hirano, he suddenly remembered something. With all the excitement over the party and the chaos of getting everything set up, they hadn’t hugged today. Better late than never, he figured. He came up behind Hirano, sliding his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder.
“Oi, what are you doing?” Though Hirano froze briefly at the affection, he didn’t do anything to wrench free of the embrace.
“We didn’t hug today.”
Hirano chuckled softly, a fond warmth in his voice as he reached up to give Kagiura's hair a gentle ruffle. “What are you talking about, dummy? We hugged when we were outside.”
Kagiura’s arms tightened their hold and he could’ve sworn he felt a brief shiver course through Hirano. Maybe his breath had tickled Hirano’s neck? Kagiura’s face was awfully close to it, after all. “That was different,” he stated matter-of-factly. “That was so I could kiss you.”
Eventually, Hirano seemed to resign himself to his fate and relaxed a bit, hands coming up to cover Kagiura’s arms. “How is that different? It was still a hug.”
“Because I couldn’t enjoy it the same way,” Kagiura explained, suddenly realizing that if he wanted to, he could definitely kiss Hirano’s neck from this angle. He wouldn’t do it without permission, of course, but the knowledge that maybe one day he could made his pulse quicken.
There was a comfortable silence between them before Hirano finally spoke up again. “You’re pretty warm, you know that?”
“You’ve mentioned it before.” He felt Hirano’s head tip back until it was resting against his shoulder, the extent of Hirano’s trust in him making him smile. “Is it helping you warm up?” Hirano took a deep breath and exhaled, his weight growing heavier against Kagiura’s front, and he didn’t even need to see Hirano’s face to know that he was smiling too.
“Yeah. Thanks.”
“Anytime!”
When he really thought about it, Kagiura didn’t need Hirano to kiss him again tonight. This was just as good. They were happy and content and close enough to share warmth. He had stood outside in the cold with Hirano and gotten the kiss he had been hoping for and, though he hadn’t heard him say it exactly, he was pretty sure that Hirano’s feelings toward him had finally started to align with his own. It was certainly a start, in any case.
He wouldn’t be quite so grateful in a few days when their time out in the frigid winter air caught up to him and he came down with a wicked cold and had to miss hatsumoude with Hirano (and how Hirano managed to escape getting sick too was a mystery to him), but that was okay. Disappointing, but okay. Because this year, whenever Kagiura thought about how much he wanted to kiss Hirano, all he had to do was ask—no mistletoe headband required.