Archive of Our Own

It’s been almost a century since Louis last saw him, and now he’s standing in the doorway of a sleazy San Francisco backstage room, just taking in the sight. Lestat is radiant, even with his back turned. Always luminescent in his eternal beauty; all pale skin, grey/blue eyes, and lush blonde locks. Louis used to think of him as his own personal sun, lighting up his damned soul and replacing the sunshine he would never enjoy again. Even when they were fighting, even when they drove each other insane, even when they had been at their worst, he’d never lost that glow about him that drew Louis in from the very beginning.

“Lestat.” It’s barely above a whisper, but Louis knows he’s aware of him. Probably heard him come in since he made no attempt at hiding his presence.

“Hello, Louis.” The rock star says, still with a hint of that French accent that had always enticed him. “I never thought I would see the day.” Lestat turns around in his seat, wearing all leather pants with an open black shirt; his abs are on full display and Louis has to remind himself not to think about all the times he’d licked down that perfectly sculpted chest. Lestat toys with the metal chain around his neck for a moment and gazes upon him in a way that only Lestat can; the way that makes Louis feel seen. “What brings you here now, fledgling? As I recall, the last time we were alone together you were so desperate to get away from me that you killed me.” There’s no emotion in his tone, it’s like he’s merely stating facts, and as he stands and saunters towards him, Louis is struck by how much more intense his eyes look with the black eyeliner framing them.

“I spared you.” Louis points out and takes a step back to put some space between them when Lestat comes a little too close for comfort. He has no idea what his maker will do. If Lestat will strike him down right where he stands for crimes long since in the past.

“I’m not sure that’s the word I would use,” Lestat says, pausing for a moment in front of him and turning his head to the side, regarding Louis as if to deliberate what he should do with him… or to him. “Technically, you left me to a fate worse than death.” He is looking at him with that predatory gaze now, and Louis is not sure where the other man is going with this, if there’s actually a point to it or if he’s just toying with him. With Lestat, it could go either way depending on his current mood.

“What do you mean?” Louis decides to play along, swallowing heavily. Lestat watches his Adam's apple bop and licks his lips. Louis can’t help but look down and follow the movement of his tongue. They gaze into each other’s eyes and the tension between them builds… until Lestat looks away and breaks it as if nothing ever happened.

“I mean… rats, Louis. Do you know how many rats I had to drink to regain enough strength to rise again?“ Lestat shudders. “I don’t know how you managed to survive on them for years. I think dying would have been preferable to that dreadful diet.” He smirks and Louis lets out the breath he’s holding.

Lestat’s joking. They can joke about this, apparently. That’s good. Nothing disturbing about it at all. What’s a little murder humor among… friends? What even are they to each other now? Lestat had called him fledgling. Louis has a feeling he only used that word because he knows Louis has always hated it. Lestat’s petty nature seems to have endured just like the rest of him. It makes Louis irrationally pleased to see that Lestat, despite everything, doesn’t seem to have lost that thing that makes him Lestat. His Lestat.

“Always so dramatic.” Louis rolls his eyes and Lestat regards him with a cool expression.

“Well, you would know.” The older vampire says, and it comes out a little harsh. “Why are you here, Louis?” Lestat turns around and walks back to the chair where he sits and begins putting on a pair of big heavy leather boots. Louis hadn’t even noticed until now that he is barefoot. “And make it quick, I have an audience to dazzle tonight, and rehearsal starts in about...” The blonde checks his watch. “An hour.” Louis rolls his eyes again, they both know Lestat is going to be nothing less than perfect, whether he rehearses or not.

“Well, the others thought I might be able to convince you to cancel the concert...” Lestat looks up at him, clearly amused.

“They don’t want me to perform so they send the guy who murdered me almost a century ago to talk me out of it? They must be really desperate.” Lestat laughs.

“No, they sent the guy you used to be married to…” Louis says flatly and Lestat’s eyes narrow.

“We were never technically married.” Ouch, Louis thinks. That one hurt. “And used to be are the keywords here.“ Lestat’s voice is like ice. “You sliced my throat without hesitation. Why in the world would I listen to anything you have to say, Louis?” The tone in his maker’s voice awakens something inside of the younger vampire, a wave of simmering anger.

“You tried to kill our daughter!" Louis hisses.

"She tried to kill me first!!!" Lestat hisses right back.

"Because you didn’t give her a choice!” Louis counters sharply and Lestat scowls. “Can we just for one moment put aside what happened back then and focus on the present and the mess you have made of things?” Louis insists. “You have pissed off a lot of vampires and I am trying to save you. They will attack you if you go on that stage.”

“Your concern for my well-being is truly touching.“ Lestat says, sarcastically. ”Tell me, where were you when I needed saving from Claudia and her murder plot all those years ago, hm?”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Louis is getting more and more agitated; Lestat always knew how to push his buttons, and he takes a step forward toward the chair, bending down to poke his finger right into Lestat’s chest forcefully. “You were a fucking nutcase… especially towards the end!”

“If I was crazy, it was only because you drove me to insanity.” Lestat accuses, slapping Louis’ finger away, and the younger vampire takes a step back as his maker rises. “I heard everything. All of your murderous scheming. The second I turned Antoinette, she told me of your plans... so excuse me for becoming paranoid while living in a house with two treacherous fledglings plotting behind my back.”

“You brought that on yourself. You were a tyrant!” They are just staring angrily at each other now. “Claudia told me what you did on that train, Lestat. You were a literal monster to her!”

“I just wanted to scare her into staying put, and it worked.” Lestat sneers. “I probably didn’t go about it in the right way, but I did it for you. I did everything for you! I didn’t care if she left or not, but I knew you were sitting on that bench thinking about letting yourself burn, Louis. I had to act, fast… and I saved your life by bringing her back. You know that to be true.”

“But it was my life, Lestat… “ Louis states. “You should have let me make that decision for myself… you should have left her to choose her own path too. But you took our choices away from us and stole our free will.”

“YES!” Lestat screams, his eyes looking a little crazed, and Louis flinches but doesn’t back away. “And if it meant that you would survive, I would do the same thing over and over again!”

“Don’t you dare make it sound like you were my knight in shining armor or something.” Louis counters, calmly this time. “You kept us trapped in that house, bound to you like slaves… your need for control and secrecy dominated our lives and living with you became unbearable… in the end, we had to practically kill you to get away from you… and that’s on you, and only you, Lestat.”

“I was just trying to protect what I love…“ Lestat stops, corrects himself. “What I loved… the only way I knew how, the only way that I was taught by my own father." The older vampire admits, and Louis tries, unsuccessfully, to not feel hurt by Lestat using past tense regarding his feelings for him. “And I couldn't tell you all of these things that you wanted to know, I was warned not to. But I am sure Marius has already told you that. So maybe I handled things badly… but underneath it all, I acted out of love to ensure your safety…“

“Yes. I have been made aware of Marius' rules." Louis concedes. "I used to think your withholding so much information was manipulation on your part, and I was wrong. I know it wasn't entirely your fault but your secretiveness still bred nothing but distrust between us, especially in Claudia's mind, that was really where all of her contempt for you began, and it slowly tore our family apart, Lestat." Louis shakes his head, hands coming to rest on his hips as he regards this mess of a man in front of him. “But I do actually believe that you loved us. Unfortunately, you have this problem where you hold on so tightly to what you love that you risk choking the life out of it. You didn't let us breathe."

“Perhaps you’re right…“ His maker suddenly deflates, all the anger leaving him as he flops back into his chair. “Maybe that’s why no one ever stays.” A rare touch of vulnerability is shining in his eyes now. That look had always affected Louis more than he cares to admit… and it still does. “But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let it happen again.”

“Let what happen again?” Louis' eyebrows scrunch together in confusion.

“Nicki.” Lestat whispers, and that was not what Louis was expecting.

“What does any of this have to do with Nicki?” Louis asks. In reality, he knows very little about Nicolas’ story, except for his name, the fact that he was a violinist and Lestat’s first love... and that he died. He notices that Lestat still has the music box on the table under the makeup mirror. Good. Louis knows exactly how much it means to Lestat and he is glad it has survived the mayhem of their tumultuous past.

“You have the same depressive darkness that took him from me, the same intensity and ability to despair… but your mind is stronger. I realize that now but all I could see back then was history repeating itself.” Lestat says before pausing briefly, considering his next words. “I could have let you go at one point, you know? I begged you… multiple times to just tell me you would never love me or that you never wanted to see me again, I asked you to set me free, and you wouldn’t.” He doesn’t give Louis a chance to counter before he continues, and Louis doesn't know what he could possibly say anyway because there's truth to that statement. When push came to shove, he never could say goodbye to Lestat for good. “But Nicki did, and I accepted that… I let Nicki choose for himself… I walked away and look what happened to him.“

“What did happen, Lestat?”

“What? You mean… your psychotic boyfriend didn’t tell you?” Louis blanches at that and Lestat laughs at his expression, but it’s hollow. “Yes, I know about you and Armand. The love of your life, apparently.” Lestat sounds bitter. Louis chooses to ignore that last comment. Truth be told, he doesn’t know why he used those words to describe Armand. That whole day is kind of fuzzy in his mind. He remembers having an episode and Armand calming him down but not much else. Weird.

“How did you find out?”

“Oh please, Louis.” Lestat sounds like it’s the dumbest question in the world. “The vampire community is not that large, and I may not be as old as Armand, but I am very powerful for my age… I have eyes and ears everywhere. I have been aware of you and him living together in his soulless concrete box in Dubai for decades.” Louis blinks at that, surprised. Lestat knew, but didn’t come for him? Louis can’t understand why he is disappointed by this. It makes no logical sense. He shouldn’t want Lestat to come for him.

“You could have told me you were alive.” Louis says. “I thought you were dead.” And if Armand lied about that, what else did he lie about? Louis wonders.

“After what went down in Paris, I didn’t think you’d care.” Lestat looks at him sadly before the stare turns hard again. “Besides, that deceitful bastard you’ve chained yourself to, told me you were dead too… right before he pushed me off his tower. It took me years to recover from that.”

“He what?” Louis is shocked, he’s never heard about any of this. Armand lied to both of them, and he hurt Lestat. Why? For what? What exactly is their history? He never could get the full story from Armand. Now Louis knows he should have dug deeper into this because it feels important.

“You really have no idea who you’re with, do you, Louis? And that’s my fault because I never properly warned you…” Lestat sighs, rubbing his eyes. “Look… I am definitely no angel… but from the moment I offered you the Dark Gift, I was at least always honest about the kind of demon I am… and my evil is a world apart from what Armand is capable of... from what he has done.” The way Lestat is talking makes Louis feel unsettled like something is unlocking in his mind, and the urgent need to get out of the room comes over him.

“I don’t want to talk about him, Lestat.” Louis says and aims straight for the door. "I didn't come here for this... and not that it is any of your business but he and I are not even together anymore.” He is only mildly surprised when Lestat appears in front of him blocking the door, a self-satisfied smirk on his lips at this news. “Don't look so smug." Lestat just crosses his arms as he leans on the door and Louis kind of wants to punch that grin off his pretty face. "You are doing it again.”

“What exactly am I doing, Louis?” Lestat is clearly feigning ignorance.

“Being controlling.” And now Louis is wasting time stating the obvious.

“Too bad, because we are having this conversation right now whether you like it or not… it’s long overdue.” Lestat says but still lets Louis push him out of the way. “You do know he killed Claudia, right?” His voice comes from somewhere right behind Louis and that makes the younger vampire stop in his tracks, a cold shiver runs down his spine. What?

“The others killed her.” Louis says but his conviction is starting to waver. Something flashes in his mind, it feels like a memory, but he can’t grab hold of it. He shakes his head. What is going on?

“Is that what he told you?” Lestat rolls his eyes. “Louis, you can’t be that naive… Armand was the leader of their coven, he was very much in charge, despite what he’s made you believe, and I have no doubt he wanted Claudia out of the way so he could claim his prize, which was you, and you alone. And not only did he leave her to burn in the sun; he did awful experiments on her… he kidnapped and tortured her just like he did with my Nicki because that is his way.”

“No… “ Louis feels lightheaded all of a sudden because he knows that Lestat would never involve his beloved Nicki in his schemes; would never tarnish the memory of him with lies like this. He never had; Nicolas was sacred. More images start flashing behind his eyelids, they come in dizzying waves, his vision flashing red, and he must grab hold of the door frame to not fall over. He is hit with the realization that Armand must have done something to him… to his mind… but what?

“Yes, you need to hear this.” Lestat implores. “He cut off her head, just like he cut off Nicki’s hands so he could never play the violin again; he is ruthless to an extent that is repulsive even to me, and that’s saying something.”

“It’s not possible.” Louis tries desperately to cling to his denial but he can't keep running from reality, ignoring what he knows to be true.

A part of him has always known that something was off about Armand, but he’d chosen to ignore the feeling, to bury it completely and push his suspicion to the back of his subconscious mind. More than anything else, it had been a survival mechanism. He had let Armand take control of everything because he didn’t know how to function after he lost Claudia, and he’s been in this hazy headspace ever since. At least until he saw Lestat’s face pop up on MTV and it felt like his world came alive again.

He had left Armand that same night to come here, and now Louis is grateful that the ancient vampire is not around because he wouldn't be able to contain this rage bubbling up inside of him right now. Armand took Claudia from him... they lived together for decades, almost a century, really... they shared a home, a bed, a coffin, their blood... and all the while... oh my God... the implication is nauseating. If he could be sick, this would be the moment he would throw up. He knows Armand’s betrayal is something they will never be able to settle between them without bloodshed, but by himself, that is a fight he will lose. Louis is very aware that he’s never been able to match any of his paramours when it comes to physical strength or powers.

“I can assure you that my sources are trustworthy.” Lestat says. “He is not who you think he is, he is a dead thing that hungers for the power and the passion of others. That is why he killed Claudia, that is why he chose you. Because of your connection to me. He’s always wanted me and when he couldn’t have me, he went after what was mine. It’s his pattern. He did it with Nicki and he did it with you.” Louis notices that Lestat has put a hand on his shaking shoulder, and immediately he shrugs it off. “Louis? Are you listening to me?”

“Don’t touch me.” Louis feels overwhelmed, everything is too much right now. The pressure inside his head feels like it keeps building, and he’s scared it might explode. The thought of what Armand has done makes him feel violated in a way Lestat’s abuse never did. The older vampire complies but keeps talking.

“Louis? What’s going on?” Lestat sounds worried now and Louis knows he must be looking like he’s seen a ghost. Suddenly, he feels like he can’t breathe and despite not actually needing the oxygen, his vision begins to blur around the edges. Lestat is in front of him now, so close, his face coming in and out of focus, before all sound around him fades out and everything goes black. When he wakes up, he’s on the couch in the corner with his head in Lestat’s lap. He can feel Lestat’s fingers glide across his cheek and his gaze is tender in that way it only was right when they first met.

“What happened?” Louis slurs and attempts to sit back up. Lestat tries and fails to hide his displeasure at having Louis move away from him.

“You tell me, one minute you were talking, the next you passed out.”

“I need to know… Armand's mental powers... how strong are they really?” Louis catches Lestat’s eye, and he looks unsettled by the question.

“Unfortunately, he's extremely gifted. He used it on me right when we first met; lured me into a fantasy, and had me fully convinced that I was in love with him... he got close enough that I let him drink from me. If I hadn't broken the spell in time he would have drained me completely, killed me... he's the strongest mind manipulator I've ever known... and I am nowhere near as skilled as he is… " Lestat admits regretfully. "But you should already know this, Louis... you've been with him longer than you were with me... surely, he's demonstrated this for you… “

“Or... on me?" Louis questions. "Suppressing memories... maybe even controlling emotions...” Lestat goes even paler than Louis thought was possible.

“Putain de merde!” The blonde vampire exclaims before turning to him with shocked eyes. “Louis, please tell me he hasn’t used his Spell Gift on you?”

“I don't know for sure... but I think he might have... and the Mind Gift too.” Louis says as another dizzy spell hits him, he closes his eyes against a new wave of images. “A lot of things are suddenly coming back to me. Things I don’t recall happening until now.”

“I never thought that even Armand could sink so low that he would mind-rape his own partner, but I should have known.” Lestat says and mutters something under his breath that sounds a lot like “love of his life, ridicule,” before focusing on the younger vampire again. “Louis… I think you’re beginning to break out of his mental cage now that you are away from him, and I can help you get your mind in order again, make it a little less overwhelming… but I need you to give me permission." Blood sharing, Louis thinks. "Do you trust me?” Lestat holds out his hand for Louis to take and he hesitates for only a second before taking it.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Lestat smiles. “Now, all you have to do is let me see what's going on in that pretty head of yours... " Such a pretty head, the memory comes back to Louis in a flash. "... and I will help you unlock whatever is in there... no holding back, Louis... but if you need me to break the connection, if it becomes too much… let go of my hand.”

“Okay.” Louis relaxes as Lestat slowly leans in to bite his neck; in that same spot his maker has always preferred, and it's been so long since he has done this with Lestat that the pure pleasure of his fangs penetrating skin is overwhelming. Louis immediately feels a presence at the periphery of his consciousness. It’s not invasive, not pushing, just hovering as if waiting, and he realizes it’s Lestat. Louis opens his mind completely to him, feels the other vampire probing around, and just as the swoon takes them both over... the floodgates open.

First, it’s just a lot of images featuring Armand... but behind that mental barrier they switch over to happy images of Claudia; of her smiling, laughing; all three of them being a family… a functioning family… before finally taking on a more dreamy consistency as his mind settles on Lestat; all of their happy moments flash through like a film reel, accompanied by emotions of a love so strong that it feels overpowering, and there’s a lot of them, more than he ever thought possible, and he sees now that Armand had left him with barely a fraction of what was there, had almost completely suppressed all of the good he and Lestat and Claudia had shared between them.

Out of nowhere the stream of images stops and he comes back to himself, his head swimming, but complete in a way it hadn’t been before, and he feels immense relief at that.

“Thank you.” Louis breathes deeply, across from him Lestat is looking at him wide-eyed like he’s in shock and he realizes that they are no longer touching each other. His hand feels strangely empty. “What?”

“I’ve never… seen myself through your eyes before, at least not since you were human.” Lestat admits. Oh, Louis feels a little embarrassed. “All this time, I thought you didn’t… “ Lestat shakes his head. “How come you never told me?” Louis knows what he is asking. How come you never told me you loved me? Louis pauses for a moment, really thinking about it before coming to a conclusion.

“Maybe... a part of it... was because I was so ruled by my shame.” Louis sighs. “I couldn’t really allow myself to fully acknowledge that I was gay and had feelings for a man back then, it was too soon, I wasn't ready, and therefore I could never express them the way you deserved either.”

“I see.” Lestat just stares at the floor, his elbows resting on his knees.

“I’m sorry, Lestat.” Louis says, putting a hand on his back and just letting it rest there. “If there is one thing I need to apologize for, it’s for being so emotionally unavailable. Thinking back on it all now, I am aware that I also withheld my feelings from you as a sort of powerplay too... something I know I was guilty of long before Claudia arrived and long after she left. It wasn’t fair to you... but Les... sometimes I felt so damn powerless in our relationship, and it was the only leverage I had. Still... it was wrong.” The younger vampire hesitates, he doesn’t really want to talk about his next thought but expresses it anyway. “And… I know it probably pushed you right into the arms of Antoinette, who was open with her affection and could give you what I couldn’t at the time… give you what you needed… what you crave most of all… love... to feel loved.”

“Stop, Louis. Please, I can’t listen to this.” Lestat interrupts and straightens his posture as he turns towards him, eyes open and vulnerable again. “Antoinette was not your fault. That was all on me. I chose to make that choice and completely disregard your feelings. Nothing regarding my affair with her was justified no matter how undesired you made me feel.”

“But you had feelings for her.” Louis states, it’s not a question.

“Can we not discuss her, please?”

“No, we are going to talk about it, Lestat. I deserve that much.” Louis insists. “You were with her for decades even though you could have found someone younger and prettier to fill your bed… you could have anyone you want, it’s just the way it is, but you always came back to her. It was more than just sex for you.” Lestat says nothing, just stares at the floor and Louis continues. “You couldn’t go through with killing her despite telling me you would, despite it being one of Claudia’s rules; you would rather lie, chop off her finger and create an elaborate scheme to make us believe she was dead than actually part from her.” Lestat is wringing his hands together now, clearly uncomfortable but Louis is not done. “You turned her… before you knew what Claudia and I were planning, before she became a convenient tool for you to use against us. You told me she was to take Claudia’s place that night… which was completely delusional on your part, how could you ever believe I would accept that for a second?”

“What is the point of dragging this up again now?” The blonde asks tiredly, refusing to meet his gaze. “She’s gone. Has been for a long time.” No thanks to you, Louis thinks, but doesn’t say it.

“My point is… you don’t plan to keep someone around forever… unless there’s something there.” Louis may not have wanted to believe it back in the day but a part of him always suspected it. “Please don't deny it... be honest with me... you loved her too, didn't you?” Lestat rubs his fingers against his temples like this conversation is giving him a headache but finally caves.

“Yes." He relents. "I loved you both.” It looks like it pains Lestat to say it, although probably not as much as it hurts Louis to hear it. “I made the mistake of keeping her around long enough to get attached… being with her was just so easy right from the start… and being with you was… so hard sometimes.” Louis nods at this admission, at least he knows for sure now. These days there's even a word for what Lestat might be; polyamorous. “But Louis, what I felt for her was nothing compared to the all-consuming love I had for you.” He looks at Louis as if to gauge his reaction to this. “You were always my number one, and if you had given me any indication that you actually loved me, I would have left her in a heartbeat.”

“I know that too…“ Louis acknowledges. “Your commitment to me never wavered… you always came home to me, you stayed… during all those awful years after Claudia left, you kept trying. With the way I was acting, I wouldn't have blamed you for giving up... but you fought for us... and I kept pushing you away, either completely ignoring you or picking fights... punishing you for things that weren’t your fault." Louis takes a deep breath before continuing, and Lestat remains motionless, just listening, he knows Louis well enough, still, to know he's not done. "Claudia leaving was on her, not you… and you didn’t take my life either, I chose to become a vampire out of my own free will."

"Yes, you did." Lestat whispers. "I gave you a choice... after what Magnus did to me, I wouldn't..." He sighs. "Never to you... " The older vampire looks away. "You accusing me of that... for you to taint the memory of our union... the closest thing we ever got to a wedding... it... really hurt."

"I know that, Lestat... I know, and I wish I could take it back." Louis has the most shame regarding the next topic, but this is something that needs to be said and acknowledged out loud. "And when I asked you to turn Claudia, the insinuation was clear... that I would leave you otherwise, even if I didn't actually say it... I mean... I had practically walked out on you that night already... you confronted me about it too, you knew what I was doing... and that was manipulative and callous of me." Louis can't look at Lestat as he says the next bit, the recollection of it makes him feel dirty. "You confessed your biggest fear to me... your loneliness... in a moment of trust... and I used that knowledge against you. I turned your anxiety into a weapon to hurt you needlessly when tempers flared... and I also used it as a tool to blackmail you emotionally to get my way, to get Claudia. You didn't want to do it, you told me no... and I didn't respect your answer... I still begged you for it, shamelessly, completely disregarding how you felt... without caring if being a father was even something you wanted. And I did it because I knew it would work... because I knew you were so scared of being alone again... that you wouldn't be able to deny me if I pushed hard enough... and it wasn't okay. I am so sorry about all of it.” Lestat gives a barely perceptible nod, indicating he accepts the apology.

“And I am sorry for betraying your heart.” Lestat says. “I promised to be your companion, just yours… to give you a vampire home, a vampire romance, but I didn’t live up to the vows I gave you in that church.”

“No, you didn’t… but we both contributed to the deterioration of our relationship.” Louis states. “It takes two to tango, and at some point, I stopped being your willing dance partner…. how ironic it was that we didn’t find our rhythm again until our last night at Latrobes… right before we lost each other forever.”

“I still think about that dance.” Lestat admits. “I’ve thought about it for years. I knew your plan and I wanted to just press pause on everything for as long as you would allow.” Louis nods, solemnly. He had felt the same way. “I was so surprised when you kissed me, Louis. Right there in front of everyone. I didn’t know what to make of it.”

“It wasn’t planned if that’s what you’re thinking. I kissed you because I wanted to… because I couldn’t help myself.” Louis shrugs, and Lestat’s eyes shine. “I think a lot about our talk on the balcony.” He continues. “I would go over it in my mind, again and again, wondering if things would have been different if I had just confessed right in that moment. It felt like you wanted me to, and I almost did.”

“You know me well, Louis. Sometimes too well, I fear.” Lestat sighs. “You’re right. It was my way of reaching out to you, but as usual… when my emotions get the better of me, I don’t express myself very well.”

“Would it have made a difference if I had told you everything then?” Louis asks.

“I want to say yes, but I don’t think I was ready to change at that time.” Lestat says. “It needed to happen exactly the way it did in order for me to see that I had gone too far.” Louis agrees but decides not to voice that out loud. "It also needed to be you." The older vampire admits. "During those last few months, I kept blaming Claudia. I kept thinking she had somehow brainwashed you, that she was the problem and if I could just get rid of her then we would be fine again." When Lestat turns his eyes back on him, Louis is struck with the painful look in them. "It wasn't until I had my throat cut by my own husband that it even occurred to me that I could be the problem. I realized at that moment that if I had succeeded in making someone as gentle as you feel like you had no other choice but to kill me... that I had to be the real monster in the family. Not her."

“You were... you became someone I didn't even recognize..." Lestat nods at that. "But I can also tell that you’ve grown a lot in the last century.” Louis says, feeling pretty taken aback by how humble Lestat has become, and he can sense himself getting sucked into everything that is Lestat all over again. He leans in closer to the other vampire, so their shoulders brush and it sends little electric shocks all the way down Louis’ arm. Lestat allows their proximity but doesn’t move closer.

“I’ve had a lot of time by myself to go over everything that happened, that’s all.” Lestat says and Louis just nods. There’s a short lull in the conversation before the blonde speaks again. “I know all about the interview, by the way… about the book that is set to be released. It’s the main reason why I arranged this tour.” That wakes Louis up from his newly rekindled infatuation, and he sees red for a moment, pulling himself away.

“So… what? You are trying to steal my thunder, is that it? You’re really that petty?” The expression on Lestat’s face is unreadable, before he moves away from him slightly, as if he’s trying to shield himself from the younger vampire’s outburst. It makes Louis frown.

“I should probably not be surprised that you would jump to that conclusion, but no….” Lestat says, voice sounding tired, then he pauses, looking away from him, and he almost looks hurt now. ”Unfortunately, for all of us… it seems that Armand has a thing for assisted suicide.” At Louis’ confused expression, he continues. “He aided and abetted Nicki in his demise and when I found out he was playing a part in yours too, I’d had enough. He knows as well as I do that as soon as that book hits the shelves, you will have a target on your back… they would have come for you… so I did the only thing I could think of to prevent that…” It suddenly dawns on Louis what is happening here. The band, the concert, the tour, Lestat's intention to show the whole world his true nature… and now he feels mortified by his initial reaction.

“You are going to reveal yourself first… so they will come for you instead.” Louis breathes, amazed. “To protect me?”

“Yes.” Lestat admits, and leaves Louis sitting there gawking at him.

“Why?” It’s the only question on Louis’ mind.

“I’m stronger, at least I stand a chance.” Lestat says and Louis doesn’t buy it. There’s more to this. His maker shrugs as if this enormous gesture doesn’t touch Louis to the core of his very soul, no matter the real motivation behind it. “And… I figured I owe you for…” Lestat flaps his hand to the side as if to say “you know.”

“For not letting Claudia burn you?”

“That, yes.” Louis deflates, he had hoped for another reason. One relating to matters of the heart, maybe. There’s a small hesitation when Lestat asks. “Why did you stop her, Louis?” Lestat is moving closer again, looking right into his eyes and it’s… a lot. He’s a lot. Always has been.

“I don’t know.” Louis stammers, looking away, overwhelmed by their closeness.

“I think you do.” Lestat counters but doesn’t push further even though they both know he’s right, and Louis is surprised by this change in him too. The Lestat he knew would have forced the answer out of him. Instead, they sit in silence for a while, just breathing the same air until Louis breaks it.

“I’m sorry about how it ended between us.” He finally says and Lestat nods his head.

“Me too.”

“But you forced our hand and if you expect an apology for what she and I did, you’re not getting one.”

“I don’t.” Lestat says. “I might have been defensive when you showed up tonight, old habits die hard, pun intended… but I’m aware that I had it coming.” Louis almost falls off the couch at the admission, and then Lestat elaborates. “As I’ve already said, I know I was horrible to you. Looking back on it, even I can admit that my behavior was unhinged. But when I thought I was losing you to her… I lost my mind, Louis… and I am sorry for my actions, but I am not sorry for loving you with all myself.” A bloody memory flashes violently before Louis’ eyes.

I have loved you… with all myself… I’m happy it was you… here with me… à la fin.

“I also don’t blame Claudia for wanting me dead. I really crossed a line on that train, it's no wonder she hated me enough after that to want to kill me.” Lestat continues. “My need to punish her seeped out of me the second I tracked you down to Paris and it was replaced with heavy dread instead. I knew you had entered the lion’s den, and I was filled with fear for you, both of you.” Lestat confesses. “I promise you that I wasn't at the theatre to seek revenge on her, that was all a ruse orchestrated by Armand; I came to get you both out of there, but I should have waited until I had regained my full strength. I naively thought we were friends and I needed Armand's ancient blood to heal... but he turned on me; imprisoned me, and starved me, made me do his bidding. You were right when you said they had made a fool of me… “ Lestat looks away from him like he’s ashamed. “I was way too weak to fight him. I couldn’t protect either of you, and some part of me knew all along that I shouldn't have shown up there in the state I was in... but after what they did to Nicki I was terrified of what they might do to you next… and I just acted on instinct, I had to get to you, I wasn't thinking clearly.” Louis swallows around the gigantic lump in his throat, he is once more completely baffled by this version of Lestat. So open and different, yet still the same. “Don’t look so shocked, I am capable of forgiveness and even mercy when the mood strikes me.”

“I know, somewhere along the line, I just began to think…”

“That I’m a heartless monster? Yes, you made that quite clear when you slit my throat.” It’s obvious that Lestat still harbors some resentment about the past but Louis refuses to open up that specific can of worms again. Instead, he changes tactics and seeks to find the positive.

“It didn’t start out that way though. In the beginning, it was good. We were happy there for a while.” Louis leans his head against the back of the couch, watches as Lestat copies the movement, and turns his head to stare at him intensely as he speaks. And there it is again. It feels so good to be seen. He never felt seen in the same way with Armand. “We were even happy as a family, the three of us. She wrote about it in her diary. Do you remember when we went to see Nosferatu and we couldn’t stop laughing?” A little smile stretches across Lestat’s face, and Louis can't help but stare at the little scar in the corner of his mouth until the smile widens, showing all of Lestat's perfect teeth... and oh, he’s beautiful and the nostalgia hits Louis like a sledgehammer.

“That movie was ridiculous.” Lestat snorts. “And yet, not as bad as Twilight.”

“You’ve seen Twilight?” Louis laughs.

“Yes, and I know you have too... so you don’t get to judge me.” Louis can’t stop giggling and Lestat is practically beaming at him... his eyes aglow with happiness, but the joy doesn’t last long.

“What was the point of it all?” Louis asks suddenly, a frown taking over his face, sadness consuming him. “Life seems meaningless now that…”

“She’s gone?” Knowing blue eyes lock onto sad green ones. “This was exactly what I wanted to avoid when I pulled her off that train.” Lestat says. “I know that you’re in terrible pain at her loss, that you have been in agony for decades and I’m sorry, Louis. I maintain the opinion that she never should have been made, but I know what she meant to you.”

“Don’t do that.” Louis insists. “Don’t make it sound like she meant nothing to you, when I know you loved her too.” Lestat rolls his eyes but when he doesn’t contradict the statement, it speaks volumes and they both know it. “How you two clashed was so ironic to me, you know?”

“How so?”

“You were always so alike and none of you realized it.” Louis says. “You could have been a force to be reckoned with if you could have gotten over yourselves and worked together.” Lestat seems to ponder that for a while before answering.

“Maybe.” The older vampire lets out a long-suffering sigh as he looks up at the ceiling. Louis just stares at his stunning profile, hopes for more, and he gets it. “I was actually impressed with her that night, despite the pain she put me in. The way she managed to outsmart me; her intelligence, her brutality, her ingenuity. It really made it clear to me that she was indeed my daughter. Evil of my evil.” He laughs as he realizes what he saying. “She was killing me, and I was proud of her, my little infant death, what does that say about me?”

“That you’re a vampire father and murder is your love language.” Louis shrugs, to normal people it probably sounded fucked up, but he’s long ago accepted that vampires walk a completely different path that sets them apart from human beings. Their laws and their behavior should never be compared to that of humanity. It has taken him his whole undead life to come to that realization and sometimes he still struggles with it. With killing versus morality versus conscience. It’s a constant battle within him. He, who is more human than any of them, the human vampire. “You were a mess when I came back with Armand that night in Paris...” Louis points out. It's something he hadn’t had the frame of mind to really think about back then. Lestat had looked utterly destroyed, sitting in that chair with the dress, Claudia’s dress, tears streaming down his face. ”Did you already know she was dead then?” Louis continues, afraid of what the response might be.

“Yes, they… they... made me watch.” Louis gasps and Lestat looks away for a moment like he’s lost in a painful memory before he blinks and continues. “I still remember holding her dress in my hands… before you took it from me… I kept thinking; ‘This dress is the only thing left of her now”… and suddenly I couldn’t imagine my life without her… I realized in that moment that I had truly loved her too… but I also knew it was too late to change anything… that was the reason for my tears that night, I wasn’t crying for myself, I mourned for her...”

“I’m sorry they subjected you to that…“ Louis whispers, horrible images from that time coming back to him. The trial, the sheer cruelty of it. He can’t imagine being forced to watch it happen, that would have ended him right then and there. But Lestat’s always been stronger than him. Better at enduring. “And I am sorry that I didn’t give you a chance to explain yourself when you asked it of me.”

“No… I’m sorry… for driving you away from me and right into their clutches.“ Lestat says, and Louis says nothing, just stares at him. “At least they are gone now… I was so proud of you, by the way, when I heard you’d killed them all…”

"You're not mad that I burned down your beloved theatre?" Louis asks. He hadn't known back then that Lestat had been the actual owner of the property.

"Never... how could I be when you avenged our little girl..." Louis nods, wipes a single tear escaping, and Lestat gives him time to compose himself before continuing. “I wasn’t lying to you that night in New Orleans either… a cord does exist between a maker and their progeny. Even if I hadn’t been there, I would still have felt her tether break. You will know of the bond when you make one of your own.”

“I already have.” A beat of silence and Lestat can’t meet his eyes when he asks.

“What’s his name?”

“Her name was Madeleine.” Louis says and Lestat looks both surprised and relieved at that. “I made her for Claudia, to be her guardian since she was too young to fend for herself.”

“Ah, the redhead. I didn’t know you made her.” Lestat looks curious now. “And why would she be a necessity if Claudia had you?”

“Our relationship deteriorated after we got to Europe.” Louis admits. “I resented her for what… happened. For what she… made me do.” I regretted killing you and she hated me for it, remains unspoken but is understood, and Louis could swear he sees Lestat suck in a deep breath he doesn’t need. He clears his throat. “Anyway, Madeleine didn’t survive for long, and in any case, it didn’t feel like it did with you... like it was between you and I.”

“No.” Lestat concedes. “I don’t suppose it would.”

“Why is that?”

“Oh, Louis.” Lestat sighs for the millionth time tonight. “You have so many of the answers you wanted and yet, the most obvious ones are still eluding you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Our bond is as strong as it is because I made you with all the love I had to give.” Lestat says and there’s an intensity in his voice and eyes that weren’t there before. “I loved you with all that I had back then, I poured every ounce of that love into you when you drank from me, I know you could taste it in my blood that night and every night we spent together ever after. That is the reason we could never escape each other until one of us nearly killed the other… and even then… ” Lestat lets it hang in the air, looking so defeated now and Louis can’t help himself. He reaches out to take his hand; turns it around to gently draw little circles in his palm with his index finger before lacing all of their fingers together. It’s such a tender gesture and his maker looks equally perplexed and disarmed by this.

“Why didn’t you fight back?” Louis asks. “The night we almost killed you.” It’s something he has always wanted to know.

“You poisoned me.” Lestat shrugs, still focused on their hands. “I was weak.”

“Weak, but not powerless. Don’t treat me like I’m an idiot, Lestat.” Louis says. “You are probably one of the most powerful vampires I have ever met. It would take more than a little poison to weaken you to a point where you were incapable of self-defense.” Lestat looks away from their hands now, some spot on the wall suddenly very interesting, and Louis knows this is not something Lestat wants to discuss but he pushes on anyway. “Yet, you just sat there, you made no attempt to save yourself, you simply let me do it. Why?”

“I wanted to make it easier on you... I saw how hard it was for you.” Lestat says but Louis is not buying that explanation either. It’s part of the reason, for sure, but not the main one.

“That’s not the whole truth, is it?” Louis says knowingly.

“Louis… please… I can’t… ” Lestat takes his hand back, withdrawing from him… looking for a way to avoid the conversation… but the younger vampire refuses to let him pull away. He grabs Lestat’s chin instead, forcing him to look back at him.

“Why, Lestat? Tell me why you gave up.” Louis implores, looking deep into those pale eyes and Lestat finally buckles under his intense pleading gaze.

“Because I would have rather died than live without you... ” Lestat finally admits, frustrated as he pulls his face free. ”Or harm you ever again... I would have had to fight you, to brutalize you, and I couldn’t do that. Is that what you wanted to hear, Louis? That what I did to you haunted me back then just as it continues to do now? That I can’t seem to escape the guilt no matter how many decades pass? That I can't stand talking about it, even thinking about it? That I hate myself for always defaulting to anger because I can't handle feeling hurt... or deal with being scared... so I end up lashing out at those I love the most instead, destroying everything I care about in the process.”

“Lestat…” Louis is at a loss for words. He’s never doubted that his maker felt awful about what he did. He remembers vividly how Lestat had referred to what had happened during their fight as his “biggest moment of shame.” And he also still recalls Lestat's heartbreaking apology to him at the trial. But to hear him speak of it now, with such pain in his voice still, after all this time, surprises him. He lets the palm of his hand cub Lestat’s cheek to pull his face back around again, this time gently. “I forgave you for that a long time ago. You know that.”

“But you haven’t forgotten.” Lestat points out very accurately. “Tell me, do you still have nightmares about falling? Do you still wake up screaming?” Louis’ silence is all the confirmation he needs, and Lestat closes his eyes bitterly. “See… it will always be with you, what I did to you. The physical wounds have healed but I gave you emotional scars that will never go away, I have traumatized you for the rest of your immortal life, and I can’t forgive myself for that."

“That is all true.” Louis admits. “It was bad, Lestat. But I gave as good as I got, don't forget that. I just wasn't a match for you. If I had been, in my rage, I would have hurt you just as bad."

"I know... but I am so, so sorry for ever laying a rageful finger on you, and for violating the sanctity of the blood." Lestat says, his voice becoming wet. "I swear to you... it will never happen again." The conviction in his voice and the sincerity in his eyes take Louis' breath away, and he knows, without a doubt, that he will always be safe with Lestat from now on.

"I believe you... if I didn't... I would have stayed away and we wouldn't be having this conversation right now." Louis tells him. ”What you did to me, dropping me, was indeed monstrous… but I was a monster too… when I took that sword and put it to your throat, and when I took revenge on you back at Antoinette's house."

"I wanted it, though... " Lestat admits. "I wanted you to tear me apart that night you came to bring me home... it seemed fair, cathartic even... and I heal fast." He shrugs as if it doesn't matter and Louis just shakes his head, not at all surprised that Lestat would view it that way.

"Two wrongs do not make a right, Lestat. And violence is never the answer. We both acted horrendously.”

“Then why are you here, reconnecting with me when we’re so toxic for each other?” Lestat asks.

“Because… we are not the sum of our worst moments, we can do better, be better… and those two black nights, in particular, of our history... they are only a tiny part of our relationship as a whole… I remember when it worked between us.” Louis says. “When we would walk the streets for hours basking in each other’s company and sit on our bench and just talk about everything and nothing. When we made love every single night, shared a coffin every single day and I would fall asleep on your chest, listening to our heartbeats synching up and beating in perfect harmony. When we went to the opera, and plays, and movies, and I was moved to tears, and you would put your arm around me to comfort me, and I felt so safe with you. When we danced together in the courtyard, sometimes with Claudia, and we were so happy we couldn’t stop smiling. When you played the piano softly as I read, and we would be content to share the quiet intimacy of just being near each other without the need for words.”

“Why are you saying all of this?” Lestat’s eyes are shining with unshed tears now, and Louis is suddenly hit with a sense of perfect clarity as he gazes back at him. Ever since he walked through that door tonight, he had been inexplicably drawn to Lestat like a moth to a flame, and he knows it to be a mutual captivation because he can feel it in the air, especially now that they have gone over everything that happened and put the past behind them.

The overwhelming love they have for each other, the burning attraction that stubbornly refuses to die out… it still sizzles between them like cracks of electricity. It’s in the longing looks, in the needy touches, and in the way they automatically gravitate toward each other. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, it doesn’t matter how much pain they’ve inflicted on each other, it doesn’t matter how many other people they have each been with since they parted ways… and he’s sure his maker’s been with plenty… at the end of the day, Lestat still feels like… home… and Louis realizes now that he always will.

Murderer, mentor, lover, and maker.

Louis knows that their bond is as unbreakable as their connection is eternal… and he also knows instinctively that the older vampire feels the same way. There’s something unspoken on Lestat’s lips, yet palpable in his eyes, and Louis has always been able to read him like an open book. Despite how changed Lestat is now, that is one thing that hasn’t changed. He is still his Lestat in all the ways that count, and Louis has never needed to be able to read his thoughts to know what he’s thinking.

“I am saying this…” Louis moves closer still, so he is almost in the other man’s lap, taking Lestat’s face in both of his hands, and looking deep in his eyes. “Because I remember when the ground I walked on always felt liquid around you… and I want that back.” Lestat’s eyes widen at this confession. “So tell me, do you still love me?” The older vampire barely has time to utter a breathless ‘always’ before Louis leans in, pressing their lips together.

The reaction is instant, Lestat gasps and kisses him back like a starving man, his arms coming up around Louis’ shoulders. Their mouths open at the same time and the kiss deepens as Louis pushes Lestat down on the couch to lay on top of him until their bodies are flush against each other. Lestat groans as their already hardening erections rub together through their clothes and Louis grinds down with purpose, pulling at Lestat’s hair and moving his lips to nibble at his throat with his fangs now bared, his want evident.

“Yes, please.” Lestat practically begs, his hands pushing Louis’ face further down into his own neck. “Do it.” That’s all the permission the younger vampire needs, and he bites down hard, penetrating skin and tasting the sweet nectar of Lestat’s rich blood. “Louis, Louis, Louis, Louis....” Louis drinks from him, and his name flows, as a mantra repeating, carried on a whine from deep inside of his maker. Without removing his lips from the other man's throat, he lifts his wrist, pressing it to Lestat’s mouth. The older vampire accepts his offering and bites down, sucking eagerly, and they lose themselves in the swoon, their frantic frotting becoming erratic. When Lestat suddenly releases him, Louis looks up just in time to see a glimpse of bloody fangs and the ecstasy in his eyes before they roll back in his head and Lestat’s body shudders with his release, Louis’ name once more on his lips. The sight is so erotic that it's enough to bring Louis over the edge too, moaning Lestat's name, before collapsing heavily and spent on top of his lover. They stay that way for a while, just lying there, a tangled mess of limbs, completely unbothered by the stickiness in their pants.

“I missed you.” Louis admits, and notices with great satisfaction that Lestat’s heart skips a beat at that.

“You missed me?” Lestat has a smile in his voice and Louis is once more transported to a happier time in his life when this kind of intimacy was something that involved sneaking into each other’s coffins while their daughter slept barely a foot away from them. “I’ve missed you too, Louis. So much.” Lestat says, pressing a kiss to his temple, and Louis is overcome with how right it feels to be back in the arms of this man. Lestat. This frustrating creature of beauty and horror, light and darkness, gentleness and brutality; a well of unceasing contradictions and Louis’ endless source of wonder.

He loves him beyond measure, has loved him for as long as he can remember. Even in his absence, that love had never dimmed but only seemed to grow and expand until he could barely stand the acute pain of it. Until his broken heart and fractured mind had conjured up hallucinations of his lost love... just to have a tiny part of his beloved back... even if it was equal relief and agony. And then someone else had stepped in and dulled everything down to a numb ache. Maybe it had been an act of mercy on Armand’s part. No matter what, the emotion has been contained long enough. It’s time.

“I love you.” Louis whispers and Lestat stiffen underneath him. He can’t imagine what it must feel like for Lestat to finally hear those words spoken out loud after all these years. When a couple of minutes pass in silence, his curiosity gets the better of him. Louis lifts his head to look at Lestat and is shocked to see red tears cascading down his pale cheeks. “Oh, mon cher.” He wipes the wetness from his face and leans in to kiss him tenderly until Lestat pulls back and takes his head in his hands, thumbs stroking lovingly along his cheeks. There’s a spark in his eyes that Louis has never seen before, a giddy delight.

“I never thought I would ever hear those words from your lips or get a second chance.” Lestat admits tearfully before resting their foreheads together and whispering, barely audible. “I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”

“I’m the one who gets to decide that.” Louis says. “There is no love without forgiveness and there’s no forgiveness without love… and tell me, can we be forgiven if we do not forgive others ourselves?”

“You always were such a saint.” Lestat muses. ”My Saint Louis.” And oh, how it warms Louis to hear that pet name again. Nobody but Lestat had ever called him that. The blonde pulls him down into another kiss but they are interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Lestat, five minutes until rehearsal!” His manager yells from behind the door, he apparently knows better than to come in, has probably walked in on things before that he would rather not witness.

“Fuck rehearsal!” Lestat growls back at the door, his tone leaving no room for argument, and Louis smiles as he hears the manic footsteps of the manager running away like a spooked animal. Lestat hasn’t lost his terrifying touch, it seems.

“Come back to New Orleans with me.” The younger vampire eventually pleads. “Let’s start over, we could leave tonight.” Unfortunately, Lestat has that gleam in his eye that tells Louis that trouble is brewing.

“I am still doing the show tonight, Louis.” He says, stubbornly. “I need to protect you. That hasn’t changed.”

“What if I pull the book?” Louis suggests.

“Why would you do that?”

“The purpose of it is no longer valid.”

“What purpose?”

“My suicide, Lestat.” Louis states calmly and the older vampire flinches. “The book was not Armand’s idea. It was mine. I knew the repercussions, and I welcomed them. I saw no reason for living when I started that process. But I do now.” You’re my reason, goes unsaid but lingers heavy in the room, and Lestat’s eyes are as soft as baby kittens when he presses a short but sweet kiss to his lips. “There’s no point in either of us putting ourselves in danger anymore.”

“Well, I guess the tour is over before it even starts.” Lestat says with a sigh, but he doesn’t look upset. “My manager is going to be pissed.”

“Not as pissed as Daniel will be when he finds out the book is canceled.” Louis shudders. “Want to help me break the news to him?”

“Not a chance in hell.” Lestat exclaims.

“You scared of an old man?” Louis smirks. “I mean, he did have the balls to slap a vampire. That demands a certain level of respect.”

“Respect? I don’t think so.” Lestat looks affronted. “He is insolent, Louis… and I have no interest in gracing him with my presence.”

“I see.” Louis smiles. “And your reluctance to meet him has nothing to do with the fact that you might choke him out, mentally, for putting his hands on me?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Lestat says with that innocent lilt to his tone that Louis knows is fake. The younger vampire just laughs and kisses him.

“I love you so much.”

“Say it again, please.” Lestat begs, and Louis is more than happy to indulge him.

“I… love… you.” Louis says slowly, putting emphasis on each word. Lestat’s eyes glitter with exaltation, and Louis can hear the older vampire’s heart dancing in his chest, elation filling him.

“I love you too.” Lestat’s smile is so bright it's blinding, and Louis lays down on top of him again, listening to the other man’s racing heart as it slowly calms down until both of their hearts beat in sync in the way they used to, the way they were meant to. You share a heart with him. Claudia had not been wrong. “And I love this new hair as well.” Lestat continues as he runs his fingers over the spikes on Louis’ head, fascinated. “Very stylish.”

“I’m glad you approve.” Louis chuckles and feels Lestat hold him tighter as if he doesn't want to ever let him go. Louis smiles at that and hugs the other vampire back just as fiercely.

“I’m hungry.” Lestat says after a beat. “We worked up quite an appetite. How about we go out for a snack later? Have you fed today?” Louis goes rigid at the question. His eating habits have always been a cause for strife between them, and he really doesn’t want to fight now that they have finally found a state of equilibrium. A measure of understanding passes through Lestat’s eyes when he looks at him. “Relax, Louis. I am not going to pressure you into partaking in my choice of dinner. I have long since given up on curing your bizarre eating disorder.” Eating disorder. Louis is not fond of that description but it does kind of fit. In the vampire world, Lestat’s diet is normal and Louis is the odd one out.

”I will have you know that I do drink human blood these days, I just don’t kill people for it anymore.”

“Ah, yes. I can tell. Blood bags?” Lestat asks. “Or have you at long last mastered the petit coup?”

“Both.” Louis says. “And animals.”

“Of course.” Lestat makes a face at that but quickly recovers. “Well. As long as your body gets what it needs, then I don’t care where the majority of your blood comes from.”

“You really mean that?” Louis asks. “You’re not mad that we can’t hunt together?”

“I would be lying if I said it doesn’t sadden me that we can’t share that part of our lives... but it’s not a dealbreaker... deep down it was never really about that.” Lestat sighs. “My main issue with it... what I was actually concerned about was you being healthy, and you weren’t. You were withering away physically... right before my very eyes. You had no energy, no stamina. You could barely hold up a book.”

“I know.” Louis acknowledges, finally understanding why Lestat was so pushy about it back then.

“I am very relieved to discover that you have finally come around and accepted that we need human blood to function properly.”

“It took me a while.” They both know that is the understatement of the century.

“Yes... and that is because you are as stubborn as a mule.” Lestat says but there is a fondness in his tone. “It used to drive me up the wall.”

“And now?” Louis inquires, curiously.

“And now...” Lestat ponders this. “Now... for the very first time... I can truly appreciate you for all the beautiful things that you are.” The memory comes to Louis like lightning again, intense and vivid in his mind.

Be all the beautiful things you are, and be them without apology.

"Thank you." Louis whispers and feels Lestat's hands still in his hair for a second before continuing to massage his scalp.

"Anything for you." A soft kiss is pressed to his temple.

Then a calm settles over them. There’s no need for more words now; they are all talked out and exhausted from it. Rehashing everything was emotionally draining but they’ve done the hard part, and now they can finally rest and just be together. The silence is tranquil, the nearness of the other soothing, and since he is still so attuned to everything Lestat, Louis doesn’t have to look up a few minutes later to know that his maker has fallen asleep. The younger vampire cuddles even closer, placing a kiss on Lestat's bare chest right above his heart, and breathes the other man in, whispering under his breath; an old Bible passage from the Book of Ruth that’s stuck with him from his days in Sunday school.

“Where thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge; thy people shall be my people; and because I have no other god and never will, you shall be my god.”

Lestat turns his head a bit and lets out a little sigh followed by a mumble before his body goes lax again, and Louis can feel his arms, a grounding dead weight now, slide down to hold him close, even in sleep, as his slender hands settle on Louis' lower back. The sense of absolute safety that simple touch evokes in him is almost enough to make Louis weep. He knows now that no nightmares can touch him.

Slowly, he closes his eyes and lets Lestat's steady heartbeat lull him to sleep too… feeling content for the first time in almost a century.