Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

… ruminating over the unknowable…

“Mattie!  Mattie, where are you?”

“In the gym, mother,” Mattie called, sweating as she racked the barbell.  She had no spotter, but in truth didn’t particularly need one: while she made use of the gym frequently and was in fantastic shape by anyone’s standards, she had never taken to power lifting.  She had seen some pretty impressive lifters over the years, mostly other alphas who she secretly thought had too much to prove.  But she had to be honest with herself: with her frame, bulging muscles would just look out of place.

Rather, she preferred to keep herself tone and fit.  Low weight and high reps was the name of Mattie’s game, and she was proud to say she played her game well.

“The gym again,” Mattie’s mother sighed.  “Really, it’s as though you live there sometime.”

“It keeps me calm,” Mattie rolled her eyes, “and honestly, it’s not as though you don’t spend enough time on the treadmill.”

“At my age it’s important to maintain my health.”  Mattie’s mother came through the door, absentmindedly sorting through a stack of mailings that had apparently just recently arrived.  Her nose crinkled slightly at the scent of Mattie’s own pheromones mixed with the sweat of her workout.

Mattie had to raise an eye, and surrender the point.  At forty six, her mother was fit: no expanding waist lines like other’s her age had started to develop as the years caught up with them.  Oh, no, that just wouldn’t do:

It would not do for Caitlyn Kiramman to be anything less than presentable at any given moment.  Mattie loved her for it, she really did, but sometimes her mother put a little too much stock in that whole ‘Kiramman Legacy’ that Grandma Cassie liked to go on about.

“Welcome home!” Mattie told her, and grinned impishly.  Raising her arms, she made as though to hug Caitlyn, which earned her a narrowed eye and the immediate presence of Caitlyn’s own alpha pheromones: a gentle but stern warning not to.

“Don’t even think about it until you’ve showered, dear.” 

Mattie, grinned, raising her arms in instant surrender.  She loved her mother, dearly, and knew Caitlyn loved her back.  Mattie knew she got away with a lot when it came to what the normally no-nonsense and strict Caitlyn would put up with, but Mattie also knew when her mother was being serious.

“Anything good?” she instead asked, nodding to the pile of mail as she plucked a towel off a nearby bench.  Caitlyn simply sighed in resignation.

“Gala invitations, formal invitations for meetings with eligible omegas, informal invitations for meetings with ineligible omegas, and blatant invitations for meetings with ineligible omegas,” Caitlyn listed in resignation.  “It seems that yet again the most important element of me in the eyes of society is my own availability.”

“Gold diggers,” Mattie scoffed.  As an eligible and unmated alpha, as well as being as filthy rich as being a Kiramman entailed, she had long grown used to her mother’s woes in regards to dating.  She herself loathed the day when the attention turned from her mother to herself.

Honestly, Mattie never really saw the reason that society seemed to focus so hard on mate compatibility.  She was aware of the somewhat romanticized image that had become popular: hormones were unconsciously analyzed by the body in order to determine compatibility which then presented in how the senses interpreted the hormones.  They said that the better the smell, the better the match.  In rare cases of extreme compatibility, it was said that the scent became irresistible.

Society liked to idolize those matches, claiming that those experiencing them were soul mates, destined for each other.  It was true, that those who have been identified with such a high compatibility were statistically more likely to remain married longer, and though there’s no statistical measurement for happiness it was usually displayed more in those couples.  Highly compatible pairs like that were called ‘Bonded’ and were usually quite inseparable. 

Mattie had also been raised to her mother’s scoffing at such couples.  How it was simply a legacy of their biology, one they no longer had to let hold sway with the advent of heat-repressors and other medication.  Mattie had lost track of the number of times she had heard her mother’s lectures on the importance of free will and independence when selecting a partner.

Mattie herself had been on low strength suppressants since her emergence.  As an alpha, she would never have to worry about the almost debilitating strength of a heat, but even a full rut could be an uncomfortable experience to have to go through.  With her medication though, it was at best mildly intolerable.  And a good excuse to eat a lot of ice cream.

As Mattie was considering all this, she caught sight of Caitlyn’s expression change while she was leafing through the mail.  The grimace, the look like she had just bit into something sour, was familiar enough for Mattie to make the connection.

“Speaking of gold diggers,” she began, and Caitlyn sighed.

“Yes, another correspondence from Dylan,” she muttered.  Shuffling the rest of the correspondences under one arm, Caitlyn broke open the seal, and scanned the message.

“Well, three options,” Mattie predicted.  “She needs more money, she wants more money, or she deserves more money.  Which one is it this time?”

“Another odious thesis on how long exposure to my presence has ruined her ability to function like a capable and independent individual,” Caitlyn summed dryly.  She rubbed her forehead, her pheromones betraying an almost expectant level of disappointment.  “And how it was necessary for her to be unfaithful in order to cope with all the frustration my intolerant mannerisms caused.  And how the scars of such treatment require further mending.”

“Deserves then,” Mattie muttered, rolling her eyes.  “What did you ever see in her again, mom?  Remind me.  And no, her tits don’t count.”

“Mattie,” Caitlyn scolded her, and though her tone was severe, her pheromones betrayed her amusement.  “Please don’t talk about your step mother’s tits.  It’s sophomoric and low brow.”

“Well, considering how her personality was, there had to be some reason you married her,” Mattie muttered. 

“Childish naivety, and insufficient experience at identifying manipulative twats,” Caitlyn supplied. 

“So you married her for her twat then?”

“Mattie!”

Mattie grinned again, unapologetic.  But she paused for a moment, considering whether to broach an old and unsuccessful topic.

Screw it.  Nothing ventured…

“You know, if you have nothing else on the schedule, you could try and track down my mega-mother,” she began.

As expected, she was shut down immediately.

“Mattie, we’ve talked about this before,” Caitlyn sighed, closing her eyes.  “Your mother is gone.  There’s no point in dwelling on her.”

Mattie took a deep breath.  She had always wondered about her mega-mother, the slang for her omega mother, the one who had birthed her.  For all her worthlessness, Caitlyn had been with Dylan for many years, and despite an active sex life they had never conceived.  Mattie was aware (unfortunately) of several other omegas that her mother had bedded over the years since the divorce as well.  Despite that, Mattie had never had a little sister or brother pop up.

It was an unfortunate side effect of the suppressants, but reduced fertility wasn’t unheard of.  There was a very low chance of impregnation without a full rut or heat being active.  It wasn’t uncommon for couples to stop taking their suppressants when they were actively seeking a child, but to Mattie’s knowledge Caitlyn had never stopped taking her medication, even when she was still with her ex.

Only one omega had ever apparently been compatible enough with her al-mother, her alpha-mother, to overcome the odds. 

And Mattie had never met the woman.  Disregarding never having met her, Mattie didn’t even know her name, or even her appearance.  Her mega-mother was a blackhole, and there was no way of getting Caitlyn to kill a subject faster than to bring her up.

Mattie would bring her up some times, half hopeful that this time she would get something.  But it was rare for the same reason she let the subject drop now.

No matter what tone Caitlyn used to stop the conversation, her pheromones remained consistent: regret.  Something poignant and sour, that somehow managed to encapsulate the very definition of loss through scent alone.

“You know, someday you’ll have to tell me about her,” Mattie muttered.

“When you’re older,” Caitlyn sighed.

“I’m twenty-two,” Mattie pointed out.

“And that’s still not old enough.”

“Whatever,” Mattie sighed.  She held out her hand accepting the conversation as being over.  “I’m heading up to shower.  Want me to drop off the Dylan on the desk?”

“Thank you dear,” Caitlyn smiled slightly.  “You know the spot.  The lawyers will take a look at it tomorrow to determine how best to tell her to fuck off.”

***Scene Break***

As Mattie made her way up the stairs, she wondered as she often did about her mega-mother.

For as long as she could remember, it had always just been her and her al-mother.  There were nursemaids and matrons, babysitters and other caregivers for when her mother was working, but they came and went, an endless array of faces she barely bothered to remember.  For the longest time she had thought that was the norm, that it was how everyone lived.

It wasn’t until she started attending school that she had her eyes opened to the unusual nature of her upbringing.  It had been jarring, and she could remember with fond embarrassment some of her missteps as she realized that not only fem-alphas like her mother existed, but a whole slew of gender combinations: fem-omegas, male-alphas, male-omegas, betas.  She had always felt like she had been underprepared for the sheer diversity of the world that existed outside her nursery.

Then puberty had hit, and with it her emergence, and she realized that nothing could have prepared her for the world, which was why you had to simply go out and experience it. 

It was during that time, when she was awakening to her own self and all that it entailed that she really began to wonder about her mega-mother.  Who was the woman that had carried her for nine months, and then vanished entirely from her life before Mattie could ever meet her?

Caitlyn would never talk about it.  Ever since she had first asked, quiet and uncertain as a five-year-old who had just met her friends’ parents and realized that sets of two were the norm, her mother would never speak of it.  Just the phrase ‘I’ll tell you when you’re older’.  For over a decade and a half, Mattie had been trying, and apparently the age of twenty-two, just finishing college and deciding between getting a job or continuing for a Masters, still wasn’t old enough to hear about it.

All things considered, Mattie thought it pretty damning for what the story actually entailed.

Had her mother died, perhaps?  When Mattie was feeling morbid, she would imagine that: her mother had died in childbirth, perhaps, nobly giving herself so that Mattie could come into the world.  She would imagine the scene romantically, her al-mother holding her mega-mother’s hands as the two looked upon her before the mega-mother would dramatically succumb.

As she got older though, and experienced more, the scenarios became more varied.  Perhaps her mega-mother had important work, and had to leave against her will.  A secret agent or something exciting.  Perhaps one day she would sweep back into their lives and regale Mattie with the dramatic adventures that had kept her away for so long.

And in her darker days, as she got older still and began to understand just how sexual politics worked, especially for the rich, the scenarios got more depressing.  Perhaps it had simply been a one night stand, and her mega-mother had handed her off to Caitlyn after negotiations.  Maybe a gold digger had managed to snag Caitlyn back when she had been ‘naïve and inexperienced’ and fallen for it.  Maybe her mega-mother had simply used her to barter a deal, and was off living off her al-mother’s money without a second thought to the daughter she had left behind.

Whatever had happened had hurt Caitlyn, so much that she wouldn’t speak about it even two decades later, so much that even after that much time Caitlyn was unable to suppress her body’s reactional pheromone production. 

It had scarred Caitlyn, perhaps indelibly. 

With a sigh, Mattie made a conscious decision to move her thoughts elsewhere.  In the end, there was nothing she could do to change what had happened, and without Caitlyn being ready to talk about it there was no way to find more information.  So what was the point of fruitlessly ruminating over the unknowable?

Propping open her mother’s office, Mattie swept into a realm of organized chaos so vast and terrible that she could never hold back a grin as she took it in.  Caitlyn was very hands on and involved in the management of the household’s affairs, as well as with her own work in law.  She put in long hours to make sure that both were always in top order, something that Mattie admired.  She had no idea how her mother did it, and it had made her a somewhat distant figure through Mattie’s childhood.  Still, Mattie might have resented it when she was younger, but as the future started to open for her, as she began to see just how much effort success took, she had made her peace with it.

Sliding through towers of files she made her way over to the desk.  With a snort, she placed the new mailing directly in the inbox specifically marked ‘Bitch’s Bitching’. 

Mattie had made that placard herself.  Caitlyn had pretended to be unamused, but the fact that she had never removed it meant she secretly agreed.

The inbox never went more than a few weeks without something new coming into it. 

As she turned, Mattie noticed something out of place.

The file cabinet in the corner was unlocked, one of the drawers opened slightly.

Now, that was unusual. 

The corner file cabinet had always been a black box, impenetrable and unopened to Mattie for as long as she could remember.  All the other file cabinets were unlocked: when Mattie had been very young it had been a source of amusement to her, to sneak into her mother’s office while she was working and play with the files.  There was a picture, taken by her grandfather, of Caitlyn in her desk pouring over files while Mattie was on the ground, surrounded by open files and throwing the papers into the air.

Mattie had learned that Caitlyn had deliberately filled the lower filing cabinets with blank files so that when she got into them she wasn’t affecting anything important.

Later in life, when Mattie had been curious, it had been a fond memory of Caitlyn spending a weekend with her, going over what each of the cabinets held in general terms.  It had been a bonding moment between the two, the older generation welcoming the newer generation to the family legacy, preparing them for someday taking it over themselves.

It was what had originally prompted Mattie to focus on business management.  Her mother had wanted to make her own legacy and chosen law, but Mattie wanted to someday focus on the family business, to take it over and expand it.

Grandma Cassie had always expressed approval over the decision.

Because of that, Caitlyn had always made sure that the records were open and available to her.  It was to let Mattie read up whenever she wanted to on current and past dealings.

However, there had always been one cabinet which had remained unavailable to her.  When Mattie had asked about the corner cabinet, Caitlyn had always simply told her that those were her personal files.

Mattie enjoyed trying to guess what was actually in there.  Considering how open her mother had always been about the business, Mattie suspected something saucy.  It had to be something personal, and considering how reserved Caitlyn was most of the time, Mattie was willing to bet she had some sort of secret wild side, probably one that she as a daughter was happier not knowing about.

Still, the cabinet was something that had always, always been locked for as far as Mattie could remember it.  And just as naturally, Mattie had always been curious about the cabinet and what may lay inside of it. 

Slowly, Mattie made her way to the unlocked and slightly opened drawer, preparing herself.

If the content were kinky bondage gear or sex tapes, she was closing it immediately and forgetting she ever saw it.

However, to her surprise, the cabinet seemed to have nothing but ordinary files in it.  Curious, she pulled the first one open and read it.

What she found froze her to the floor in shock.

***Scene Break***

“Wait,” Renata said, staring at Mattie in surprise as she slowly lowered the beer that she had about to drink down to the table.  “Wait, wait, wait.  Are you fucking serious?”

“Do I look like I’m fucking joking?” Mattie muttered, and pulled harder from her own beer.  It was her third in an hour, and she had a feeling she was going to need a whole lot more by the time she was done.

Pulling out her phone, she opened it to the picture she had taken of the document.  She had guiltily snapped a picture of it, and it was the only one she had taken.  She hadn’t wanted to disturb the cabinet, and potentially reveal proof to her mother that Mattie had been in it.

Mattie tossed her phone somewhat harshly on the table.  Neeko tilted her head curiously at it, but Renata snatched it up, manipulating it to expand the photo.  Finally, she gave out a low whistle.

“Holy shit.  Caitlyn Kiramman, the Ice Queen herself, has a BONDED omega?”  Sitting back, Renata finally took a long drink of her beer.  “Well, fuck me.”

“Neeko is confused,” the vastayan admitted, her tone heavily accented as her tail flicked to the side.  “Why is this strange?  Is not bonding very natural and good?”

It was a day after Mattie had glimpsed into the forbidden file, and her head was still swimming from the revelation.  She had needed to talk to someone about what she had discovered, and had called her two oldest friends, asking if she could come over to talk about something.

Renata, bless her black heart, had correctly interpreted that to mean that Mattie needed to get drunk in the worst of ways.

Renata Glasc was a dual business/legal major that Mattie had met early in on their education.  Ambitious, talented, and altogether too charming for someone with the other two traits, she had approached Mattie and shamelessly announced her intentions to befriend her in order to make use of her business connections.

When Mattie had frowned and pointed out that announcing her intentions outright put a severe limitation on her likelihood of actually befriending her, Renata had just grinned and countered that Mattie would never have to wonder this way, and besides it was no reason they couldn’t be great friends anyway.

Surprisingly, it had worked.  Renata herself had her own business intentions, some pioneering chemical engineering process she had devised on her own.  When they finished their degrees, Mattie had every intention of becoming an investor and shareholder in her company.  From what she could see, it would be a prudent business decision and besides, despite it all Renata had been right.  They really had become good friends over the years.

Neeko on the other hand was an incredibly odd addition to their little circle of friends, but a welcome one none the less.  Renata and her had met a little over a year ago, and it had been love at first sight apparently.

And first sniff.  The two had been a bonded pair.

The ability to find a completely harmonious match, where the scent so absolutely declared their compatibility was quite rare.  There were just so many different people out there, spread out over so much distance, that even if a perfect match existed, the chance to meet them were one in a million.  But it still happened, and when Renata had met Neeko at an international convention the two had immediately became inseparable.

Neeko had left her home in Bandle city a week later, and the u-hauling had commenced immediately.

Honestly, the two were so disgusting around each other that Mattie could only normally take them in small doses.  The sheer domesticity they emitted was most likely toxic, she had decided, and extended exposure would no doubt increase her chances at developing diabetes. 

“That’s the point,” Renata answered her omega, absentmindedly rubbing her tail as it lay across her lap.  “The fact that Mattie’s mom has a bonded omega, is rare enough, but the real question is just where the hell has she been all these years?  Look, the form is dated twenty-two years ago.  It means that Mommy Kiramman has known her bonded omega for decades, but she what, still went out and married queen douche Dylan?  What the fuck?”

And that was precisely the point that had Mattie on edge.  For multiple reasons. 

“Neeko is still most confused,” the vastayan admitted.  She cocked her head to the side, eyes opened and innocent.  “She is confused at form.  Why is form existing for bonded mating?  Why have Neeko and Renata not have to fill out form as well?”

“Because of old bullshit,” Renata advised her partner.  “The civil rights movement has come a long way in the last twenty years, but it used to be pretty bad.  Since omegas tend to be pretty submissive, there was this old custom of treating them as second-class citizens.  Basically, once they mated they were expected to shut up, stay home, and have children.  They were kept out of the workforce under some stupid rule about them being destined to leave and have kids so there was no point in hiring them, shit like that.”

“That was back before suppressants were so available,” Mattie added.  “They used to be really expensive, so only the upper middle class and above could really afford them.  And omega heats can be really intense and painful unsuppressed so they’d also have to take more days off.  It was a major win for the rights movement when suppressants were made government subsidized, making them affordable and available to the entire population.”

It was actually a piece of the Kiramman legacy, one that Mattie was proud of.  It had been her mother, Caitlyn herself, who had spearheaded the movement.  It had been a fifteen-year legal battle, and was one of the crowning pieces of their philanthropist legacy.

“That is most displeasing to Neeko!” Neeko declared, puffing her cheeks out.  Her tail twitched, and she reached over to the table to pull over a small laptop that she began to type on fiercely.  Web browsers starting popping up and then disappearing at a frantic rate.

It was easy to forget, Mattie reminded herself.  Neeko was not a native Solerian speaker, and her accent would sometimes make her sound like a bit of a ditz, but behind those innocent eyes was a mind of nearly frightening analytical power.

Even as her omega was educating herself on the Piltover civil rights movement at a pace which was certainly faster than the conversation, Renata continued.

“Anyway, back then it wasn’t a requirement that mated pairs be registered legally for the most part, but it was strongly encouraged.  It was only for bonded pairs that it was a requirement.  Some bullshit about how omegas were irrational and could be dangerous after being bond mated, and how they had to have an alpha on file in order to take legal responsibility for their actions.  It was all a bunch of alpha-elitist propaganda.  It’s mostly done away with for now, but every once in a while some alphahole buys into it.”

“This is most upsetting to Neeko,” the chameleon declared, pursing her lips as she continued her fast-paced wiki walk.

“Yeah, it’s all pretty fucked up,” Renata agreed. 

Mattie hesitated a moment.  Then she spoke the thought that had taken root in her head ever since she found the document.

“I think that her mate is my mega-mother,” she admitted.

Neeko stopped, blinking in surprise before resuming her typing at an even more frantic pace, and Renata let out a low whistle.

“Okay, yeah, whoa.  That is even more fucked up.”

“I mean, my mother has always been on suppressants,” Mattie listed her reasoning.  “It has always made her less fertile, and she’s always been with omegas on suppressants as well.  But if she had a bonded mate then the chances of pregnancy are a lot higher, even suppressed.  And, I mean, it doesn’t take a genius to do the math as well.  I’m twenty-two years old, and oh, look, here’s a form saying my alpha-mother had a bonded mate twenty two years ago.  Derp.”

“Yeah, I mean, if she isn’t than it is one hell of a coincidence,” Renata agreed.  She grimaced, and took a pull at her beer.  Mattie had confessed previously that she had always wanted to know more about the omega that birthed her, and how Caitlyn would never talk about it. 

“Well, I guess now we have a name,” Renata finally offered, and Mattie nodded.  “Violet Lane.  Now I guess we just have to figure out how to find her.  I mean, it’s been twenty-two years.  She could be literally anywhere, and we have no idea if she’s even alive anymore,” Renata grimaced apologetically as she listed the worst-case scenario for Mattie’s desire to find her mother.  “I mean, we could hire a private investigator or something…”

“Neeko has found her!”

Mattie spit her beer at the exclamation, so unprepared for it that she choked.

“What, already” Renata gaped, staring at her mate.

“Neeko spoofed Department of Transportation and pretended to be tech support!  Then Neeko used worker log in credentials to run search!  Neeko has done this many times before for fun!” Neeko offered shrugging at the surprise.

“Ah, who’s my beautiful little social engineer!” Renata gushed, leaning over to kiss her omega.

“Neeko is best decision!” the chameleon advised happily, returning the kiss eagerly.

“Okay, okay, cut it out,” Mattie told them, grimacing as the pheromones in the room started to get a little heavier.  “Give me the address and wait until I’m gone before you go any further.”

 A text message appeared on Mattie’s phone, and she confirmed it was an address from Neeko.  It had a PDF attached, and when she opened it she had her first glance at the omega which was probably her mother.

A woman with pink hair looked back at her.  She was pretty, in an aged way with more lines on her face than her years would suggest.  She also had a large number of piercings, and despite it only being a headshot the number of tattoos visible was something.  The roman numerals for six was right there, tattooed on her face as well.

Mattie tried to find some sign of motherhood, some familiarity between herself and the picture, and it only took a moment.  Mattie heavily favored Caitlyn, something she had always known, but the exact same shade of eyes that peered out of the picture were the ones she saw in the mirror every morning.

Yes, this could very well be her other mother.

“Look, Mattie,” Renata began as Neeko typed a bit more. “I know you’re probably gonna go through with this, but I’m gonna alpha up and be the voice of disappointed expectations.  Are you sure you want to do this?  I mean, your mom has never wanted to talk about it, and maybe she has a good reason for it…”

“I know, Rennie,” Mattie took a deep breath and closed her eyes, bracing herself.  If this really was her mega-mother, she was alive, and judging by the address only a city away in Zaun.  She had to know about Mattie, but despite being so close had never made any attempt to reach out to her.

Frankly, the more Mattie considered the possibilities, the less likely it appeared that a meeting would go well. 

But all her life she had wondered.  All her life the mystery had eaten at her.  Now, she had a chance to get answers, and even if she probably wasn’t going to like the answers, she was sure it would be better to know than to not.

***Scene Break***

Despite her resolve, it was two days before Mattie went to the address. 

For two days she wrestled with the decision: whether it was better to know or not.  For two days she ran through every possible result of the meeting.  Every nightmare scenario was considered, but every ideal outcome was weighed as well.

She searched for more information, but found that whoever Violet Lane was, she kept to herself.  No social medias, no appearances in the news.  The woman was like a ghost, someone who she knew existed only due to a flimsy piece of paper and an email.

Mattie found herself wishing she could turn to Caitlyn for help.  Her mother and her had always had a fair relationship.  Caitlyn tended to be reserved, but always made time for her daughter.  Mattie had always felt like she could approach her mother if she had any issues.

Now though, she felt like she had lost that support.  Mattie had tried to broach the subject with Caitlyn many times, and always been rebuffed.  Now she had the information and wasn’t certain what her mother would do if it was revealed she did.

So in the end, without speaking of it with Caitlyn, Mattie stewed in her own mind.

And after two days, she felt she had gone over every scenario, she had braced herself for even the worst, she made the trip.

‘The Last Drop’ was a bar in Zaun.  It was in a part of town which historically would have been lower income and reportedly quite dangerous.  That was until the civil rights movement had really kicked in.

Zaun had been a low-income city for as long as anyone could remember, mainly due to the presence of high numbers of omegas.  With the historical discrimination, the expenses of living in Piltover proper were too much for many omegas, who had to seek lower income housing.  Piltover on the other hand tended to be the residing place of primarily alphas and betas.  The dynamics of the city had always been skewed because of that.  Many omegas would try their best to find employment in Piltover in order to expose themselves to alphas and seek mates among the more socially affluent.  This was often unsuccessful, seeing as a large number of Piltover citizens were on suppressants and less influenced by traditional pheromone dynamics. 

The shameful joke had always been that Piltover had been fucking over Zaun for as long as it had been around.  Literally.  With alphas able to suppress their reactions to pheromones, they would often take advantage of the unsuppressed omegas, using them and then leaving them afterwards.  Piltover citizens would sometimes make trips into Zaun in order to take advantage of their social status and wealth to pick up desperate omegas, a disgusting bit of sex tourism.

With the advent of subsidized suppressants, and the increased press for equal treatment for omegas, Zaun had slowly been undergoing a revitalization.  Omegas were increasingly being able to find better work, allowing for the flow of capital into the city.  With the decrease in pressure of heats on the omegas they were also able to avoid the influence of exploitive alphas. 

The Last Drop was located in the heart of the district where the civil rights movement had originated from.  Because of its historical significance, the district had increased visibility and desirability, the cultural significance making it a sight of frequent visits by those researching the past, a destination for tourists.

Mattie reviewed all this information one final time, parked up the block from the bar listed as the home address for Violet Lane.  Then she reviewed it again.

Then she admitted to herself that she was stalling, and got out of the car.  It was time to get answers.

Chapter Text

the way the world went floundering

Mattie didn’t know what to expect, as she entered the Last Drop.  Would she be able to find Violet, or would she even be in this evening?  Would Violet even recognize her?  Or would she just think she was a stranger?  What would Violet’s pheromones be like?  Her friends with two parents would often comment on how comforting their mega-mother’s scents were.

Hell, what if Violet wasn’t even her mother?  What if Mattie was reading into this too much and was flat out wrong?

The actual event was a strange blend of positive and negative.  Yes, it turned out Violet was in for the night, and Mattie was able to identify her easily.

‘Well, I guess I know where the love of working out comes from,’ she thought to herself. 

Violet herself was stacked, an impressive physique that put to shame even a number of alphas who felt it their responsibility to be physically powerful.  She moved with a strange mix of ease and difficulty behind the bar, like someone who had old injuries that plagued them despite keeping themselves in shape.  The photo had shown that Violet had a number of lines on her face, but the photo must have been old, as more were on the person than on the picture.

This was a woman who had lived a hard life, Mattie realized.  She had been born and bred in Zaun most likely, had lived a life devoid of excess, maybe even scarce on necessities.  She would have been living at the height of the gender discrimination. 

The fact that despite the difficulties her mega-mother must have faced that she was alive and apparently successful made Mattie feel a sense of pride.

But despite the fact that she was able to identify Violet easily, Mattie was perplexed at the complete lack of omega identifiers.  The woman she watched from across the room, serving beers and drinks behind the counter, seemed devoid of any pheromones whatsoever.  More than that, she seemed completely oblivious to any of the scents of the bar patrons, moving to and fro to answer calls without heed of the various scents patrons were putting out.  Mattie strained, trying to identify anything in the mix of smells that made up a bar full of various genders, and could find nothing, nothing at all that she would identify as maternal or parental.  Nothing which helped her to identify the woman behind the bar as being anything other than a beta rather than one of the scented-genders.

Which was impossible.  If her assumption that Violet was really her mother was right.  Which it might not be.

Unsure, and feeling more and more like she was outside of her body watching it, Mattie moved to the bar.

Halfway there, Violet glanced up, and Mattie could see the exact moment she was seen.

Violet froze, her face going blank, a cup she had just been about to pick up slipping through her fingers and dropping a half inch onto the counter.

It was only a moment, but it seemed to last forever to Mattie. 

Violet recovered herself almost immediately.  She resumed picking up the glass, but her movements were slower, distant.  Her eyes were locked on Mattie, raking up and down as though to take her in.

Mattie worried at her appearance.  She had dressed nicely, business casual slacks and button-down shirt.  It had seemed understated when she had put it on in the manor in Piltover, but she suddenly felt overdressed compared to the crowd that inhabited the bar.

Violet herself was dressed in a simple beater and sports bra with frayed and worn jeans.  It was as though the two were from different worlds entirely.

Swallowing, Mattie realized she was releasing an unusual amount of stress pheromones when some of the patrons looked at her questioningly.  Reeling herself back in, she continued her trip to the bar.  Violet did not move from her spot, watching her approach while absently whipping the glass in her hands.

Mattie arrived, and Violet made no move to greet her, simply watching her.

Well, what do you say in a situation like this?  Mattie wracked her brain, trying to come up with something, anything to break the silence.

“My name is Mathilda,” she finally blurted, and Violet’s eyes narrowed.  “Mathilda Kiramman.  My friends call me Mattie.”

She paused, waiting for the omega in front of her to respond.  For a moment Violet was silent.

“Vi,” she finally said, reaching up to tap the roman numerals on her face. 

“You don’t know me,” Mattie tried to continue, but Violet, Vi she supposed she should start calling her in her head, interrupted.

“I know you,” she said simply.  “And I can guess why you’re here.  And you’re right.  I am your mother.”

Mattie emitted a noise somewhere between a laugh and a sob.  Alright, that’s one answer, she told herself.  This.  This is her mega-mother.  This was the woman that carried her and gave birth to her.

“What do you know about me?” Vi continued, face blank as she resumed polishing the glass.  “What did they tell you?”

It wasn’t what Mattie expected, the sudden interrogation.  She had expected… something.  Tears, laughter, some sort of emotion from being reunited with a long-lost daughter.  But the woman in front of her was none of that: cold, business like, matter of fact. 

She might as well have been meeting a stranger on the street, not her daughter.

Mattie swallowed, a bitter feeling in her stomach starting to develop.  She had hoped that this meeting would be a joyous one.  But she had been prepared in case it wasn’t.

She was feeling glad she had prepared herself.

“Nothing, really,” Mattie admitted.  “My al-mom, Caitlyn, she never talked about you.  There weren’t any pictures, or anything.  I didn’t even know your name until just about a week ago.  I found your old bond declaration form in a locked filing cabinet.”

Vi’s lips twitched, almost too fast for Mattie to catch it, but she did, and she could identify just what expression that Vi had suppressed: a snarl.

“I was hoping…” Mattie continued, trailing off, desperation and apprehension starting to beset her.  “I was hoping I could meet you, and talk with you.  About you and mother…”

“Nothing to say about me and her,” Vi cut her off, tone stilted.  “You want to know, you have to ask her.”

“But, you’re right here, and I want to get to know you, as well,” Mattie began, and Vi again cut her off.

“Hate to break it to you, but you wasted a trip,” she told Mattie directly.  Mattie realized that Vi had begun looking past her, dismissing her from her attention.  “Was there anything else?  If there isn’t, doors over there.”

‘So this is what a heart breaking feels like,’ Mattie noted to herself.  It was an unpleasant addition to her internal diary of life.

How many years had she wondered about the woman standing in front of her?  How many years had she wondered what she was like, what her story was, what she was doing, would she be proud of her, would she even like her?

Well.  Now she had answers, at least.

“I would like a shot, thank you,” Mattie finally said, tone blank.

“Any preference?” Vi asked back, tone business like. 

“Whatever is most likely to make me forget this night ever happened,” Mattie elaborated.

Vi’s eyes met hers for only the briefest of seconds, and then she turned and reached behind her to pick up a dusty bottle. 

“For that, you want the Everclear.”

“Which year is a good year?”

“It’s one hundred and ninety proof.  They’re all good years.”

“Sounds perfect.”

***Scene Break***

Mattie felt good.  Real good.  Like, intolerably good.  And wow, the bar was just so cool, and nice, and steady, that it almost made the way the world went floundering all about tolerable.

Almost.

“And she’s puking again,” she heard someone say, but, well, who fucking cares.

“Does anyone know how she’s going to get home?”

“Imfine,” Mattie managed to get out, though she coughed and spat to the side afterwards. 

Okay, wow.  Maybe shots of Everclear weren’t the brightest idea.

Too be fair, she only had four.

Then she had beer.

Had she had whiskey?  Maybe.

Cocktails were definitely there though.

“Muffin, you’ve puked on my bar twice, and I think you might have pissed yourself.”  Vi’s voice was dryly amused.  Mattie was actually happy to hear it.  It was a nice voice.  Far better than the cold distant tone she had used earlier.  If she squinted her ears (was that even possible) than maybe she could pretend that this was the tone of voice with which her mother had welcomed her into her arms and promised to love her.

“Three times now.”

“Ugh,” Mattie replied, with all the scorn and derision that Vi deserved for having abandoned her years ago, never tried to reach out to her, and now mocked her relentlessly for being heartbroken.

“Alright, you need to go home,” Vi sighed, sounding amused, and damn her for having emotion only when Mattie was too drunk to enjoy it.

“Imalrite,” Mattie assured her.  She managed to make it to her feet, finding her keys before she dropped them.  She stumbled as she picked them up, but managed to keep from falling.  “Imleavin’ rite new.”

“Oh hell no.”  Mattie jumped as firm hands grabbed her wrists, and the keys left her mostly nerveless fingers.   “Ah shit.  Iri-… Mathilda, where’s your car?”

“Nah Mathilda…. Mattie.”

“…Mattie, where’s your car?”

“Take meh home?”

“…Give me your address.”

What happened next was a blur for Mattie.  She thought, maybe that she was being taken to her car.  At some point in the trip, she might have started hugging people.  She blacked out a bit halfway through hugging a tall bat vastayan.

When she woke up later, she was in her car.  Vi was there, and she was nudging her patiently.

“Your address, cupcake.  What is it?”

“Its jus tha manor,” Mattie explained patiently, and then burped loudly.  

“…I’ve never been to the manor, Mattie.  Is it on your phone?”

“Yeah…”

Mattie giggled slightly as hands checked her pockets, and when they found nothing checked her brassiere.  It felt weird when the phone she kept there was pulled out.

“Freaking kids…  Mattie, can you look over here?”

“Huh?”  Mattie blinked twice, and found herself staring at herself.  The phone reflecting back at her beeped and unlocked.

“Alright, addresses….” Vi sounded absorbed.  She really should relax.  Really, she looked too stressed, Mattie decided. 

Would hugs help?  Hugs always helped!

“Mama!”

Vi froze when Mattie decided to apply hugs.  Nope.  Hugs didn’t help.

Hugs were a lie.

Mattie raised from her slumber, the realization that she had been asleep without even realizing it a trip unto itself. 

Also, she felt sick again.

“Mattie, I really hope you don’t remember tonight at all,” Vi gritted out, sounding somewhere between amused and annoyed.  “The shock when you see the state of your car will be all the payback I need for having to drive you in it.”

“Luv ya moma.”

Silence greeted Mattie’s response.

Finally, a jerking motion made Mattie moan.

“We’re here.”  Vi’s voice was flat, and it made Mattie sad.  Why couldn’t Vi sound happy? 

Mattie felt like pure shit at this point.  Her stomach had emptied itself multiple times.  Over herself, apparently more than once.  She was nauseous, stank, and miserable.

‘This,’ Mattie realized, ‘is probably going to be the only memory of my mega-mother I ever have.  And I spent it drunk as shit after she rejected me.’

Strong hands plucked her from her chair.  Contrary to everything that had happened tonight, the hands made Mattie feel safe.  They were large, warm, and kind.  The pulled Mattie’s arms over the broad shoulders of her mother, holding her close, and Mattie felt safer than she had felt in years.

It was instinctual.  The feel of family.  The feel of care. 

Mattie melted into it without even realizing what she was doing.  She realized that deeply, instinctively, she trusted these hands.  She would follow them, because there was no way they would ever lead her astray.

She mewled slightly, clinging tighter to the warmth beside her.

In response, she felt Vi stiffen.  It was unpleasant.  It felt like rejection.  Someone this warm and comforting shouldn’t be capable of rejection.  It felt unnatural.

Mattie only burrowed deeper in response, not willing to be rejected.

A soft groan, pained and unhappy, was her response.

“Let’s just get you home,” Vi’s voice was tight and unhappy, her tone flat again.  Mattie groaned unhappily as she felt herself firmly but gently pulled from her seat.  Feeling like she was floating, she let her mother support her as she walked familiar steps up to the manor door.

Her keys were in Vi’s hands, and they worked.  Mattie stumbled as she was let into her own home by the mother she had never met before tonight and would probably never see again.

Something about this felt wrong.  Was there something she was being careful of?  What was it again?

“Mattie, are you home?” the voice calling made Mattie grin drunkenly. 

It made the hands helping her clutch desperately, and the frame she was leaning on stiffen.  It was uncomfortable, so Mattie tried to look up, to see Vi’s face…

When she did, all of Mattie’s good feelings dried up. 

Why…

Why was Vi looking like that? 

Why was she so sad?

Why was she so angry?

“Mattie, it’s very late,” Caitlyn continued, her tone leisurely.  “Did something important come up, or were you just indulging?”

“I was indulgin’,” Mattie admitted, hiccupping as she did so.  “I hada geta ride home.  Sourry.”

“Mattie, you sound plastered,” Caitlyn’s sigh was obvious, and the sound of steps as her mother came to look at her condition were obvious.

Mattie felt sick again, and barely remembered who she was being held up by in time to hiccup a warning.

“Er, ma, maybe you shouldn’ come right now…”

“And why wouldn’t I…!”

Silence settled.  Mattie had never heard silence like this before.  She had heard quiet, she had heard quietude, she had heard tranquility.

This was none of those.  Silence had always had the connotation of peacefulness. 

This silence held the connotation of violence. 

“Hey, Cupcake,” Vi simply said. 

“You… You shouldn’t be here.  You shouldn’t be with her.  The order said you couldn’t…!”

“She found me.  Came into my bar, and asked if I was her mother.  What does the order say about that?”

“… You have proof of that?”

“Dozens of witnesses.  Though, I suppose we both know that doesn’t matter.  But she knows she was the one to come.  Make of that what you will.”

“I’ll take her from here.”

“No!” Mattie interjected here, instinctively pulling harder against the warm body next to her.

There.  It was so faint she could hardly find it unless her face was rubbing against it.  But it was there.

Maternal pheromones. 

They were sweet, and rich, and filling, but oh, so, so faint. 

Mattie dug her nose in, desperate to prolong the experience  Vi’s scent, once close enough, was so deep and warm, so filling and calming, that Mattie couldn’t help but whimper at them. 

It was something she had never known she was missing until she had found it.  It was satisfying in a way she couldn’t describe, couldn’t relate to anything else she had experienced. 

It had been missing for so much of her life, that the thought of being without it for the rest of her life made her whine and clench.

Alas, her drunken clenching was insufficient.  Hands, not as strong as the ones holding her up but still capable tugged her away.  The scent of her mega-mother was replaced with the scent of her al-mother.

Mattie didn’t like it.  It smelt bad, like regret and shame.  She wanted the scent of her other mother.

“Look at the state of you,” Caitlyn sighed, and Mattie fidgeted.  “Let’s place you in the guest room for now.  We can get you cleaned up later.”

It was only a short trip before Mattie found herself being placed down on a soft comforter.  She watched with blurry eyes as Caitlyn left.

Then she immediately rolled off the bed, barely catching herself from a nasty trip to the ground.

No, she didn’t want to go to bed yet.  She wanted to spend more time with Vi!

But Caitlyn didn’t want her to spend time with Vi, so she would have to be sneaky!

With as much covertness as she could manage, she tried to make her way back to the foyer.

However, she heard conversation coming from the room she had just been taken from.  Mattie wasn’t sure if it was curiosity that held her back from interrupting, or if she just needed a second to gather her bearings, but she paused before stumbling back in to the room, listening.

“-since you were bringing her home, I’ll overlook your presence,” Caitlyn was saying, her tone cold.  However, Mattie was used to her mother, used to her pheromones, and that experience let her smell the underlying nervousness that was in the air.

Vi said nothing, and Caitlyn cleared her throat before continuing. 

“I’ve called a cab for you, seeing as you drove my daughter’s car back for her.  At least you won’t have to walk…”

“Mathilda.” Vi interrupted.  “She said her name was Mathilda.  Did you get the birth records changed?”

“… Yes, well she needed a name, and Mathilda is a traditional Kiramman name…”

“She had a name.  Iris.  Iris was her name.  For years, whenever I thought about what my daughter might be doing, I had wondered what Iris was up to.  But you couldn’t even let that be true, could you.”

“…Vi, I recognize that you might be upset, but it’s been twenty years.  Certainly you can accept…”

“Twenty years…  Yeah.  I had nine months with her.  That’s it.  Nine months with her inside me.  And you got all the rest.  Her first words, her first step, her first day of school, her first crush…”

“Vi, this is unproductive.  Perhaps we should discuss other things.  Enough time has passed that perhaps…”

“Twenty years I dreamed of meeting my own daughter.  And somehow, you managed to do it again, Caitlyn.  You managed to ruin my only hope, crush my only dream.  Because today, when she walked through the door, she looked so much like you that I couldn’t stand the sight of her.  My own daughter, I couldn’t bear to look at.  So thank you, again, Caitlyn Kiramman, for yet again showing me that there’s always more to lose, no matter how bad it already is.  Twenty years was almost enough to make me forget that.”

“Vi…”

No other sounds, beside the steady pace of feet and the opening and closing of a door.

Mattie found herself pressed back against the wall, hand over her mouth as she desperately tried to stifle a whimper. 

It wasn’t just the words, though they felt like daggers themselves.  The thought that Vi couldn’t stand the sight of her was like a knife in her chest.  No, words were only half of an interaction, when alpha and omegas were involved. 

It was the pheromones.  The unspoken aspect of every interaction, the scent that relayed the overtones, the true emotions of any given conversation.

Caitlyn was a strong alpha.  Even with suppressants dimming her, her pheromones were powerful and commanding.  And right now, they were painting a tapestry: remorse, regret, shame, self-hatred, anger, despair.

Though she began the conversation sounding strong, and continued to sound firm, as every word was exchanged a scent that could only be called self-loathing had grown until it was overpowering, until Mattie couldn’t move under the weight of it.  She found herself desperately trying to keep her own pheromones in check, partly as so to keep her presence concealed and partly because she didn’t want to display the instant submission that such an overwhelming presence was prompting.

But worst of all…

Despite the words being spoken, despite the hatred in the tone, Vi had not once released any pheromones at all.  It was as though she wasn’t even an omega.  Any omega who scented that regret would be unable to resist reacting to it in some way, in any way. 

But nothing.

A sound came from the foyer as Mattie tried to keep herself under control through her drunkenness.  It was quiet, but it was clear.

A sob.

Caitlyn was crying, Mattie realized, and it prompted a desperate vertigo.

Caitlyn didn’t cry.  Her alpha mother was a stoic, stern, unflappable pillar of strength.  No matter how bad things got, Mattie had always believed that her mother would be able to endure it, would be able to weather any storm with a raised eyebrow and maybe a quiet snort.

Her mother was crying, and Mattie had no idea what to do about it.

Reeling, confused, and too drunk to order her thoughts, Mattie did the only thing she could think to do in that moment.

She fled.

***Scene Break***

‘I’m going to kill myself,’ Mattie decided.  She winced as the ice pack on her head did nothing to diminish the angry persistent pounding of a hangover fiercer than any she had ever weathered.  ‘It will be an act of mercy.’

Groaning, she took another gulp of water, and gagged as even that proved a challenge to her stomach.  If she were to look up the symptoms of blood alcohol poisoning, she was pretty sure she would be able to check off the entire list.

And worst of all, the whole point of getting as drunk as she did ended up failing: she remembered everything about last night.

She remembered meeting her mega-mother, and the cool dismissal.  She remembered being taken home, and the physical sensations Vi had imparted on her: her hands, her scent.  The instinctive feeling of being safe in the hands of her physical kin. 

And she remembered the conversation between Vi and Caitlyn.

When she had been younger, Mattie had gone to the country lodge with her mother and grandparents for Snowden.  She remembered that she had gone to the barn, and how orderly it was.  Rows of gardening tools, all cared for and in order, landscaping equipment gleaming and put to rest for the winter, orderly bags of seeds and mulch all stacked up.

But there had been a smell, something persistent and cloying.  She had mentioned it to one of the hands, and they had pulled up the floor boards.

Beneath, there had been a dead cat.  It had crawled in there at some point, probably sensing the end of its own life and looking for someplace quiet and dark to rest.  It had been there for a while, the heating in the barn keeping it from freezing with the rest of the world outside.  It had colonies of maggots, and Mattie remembered gagging when she had saw them squirming, wriggling, chewing…

That was what Mattie felt like, right now.  Like her life, so ordered and sensible, had just had the floor ripped up, and she had found something rotten and terrible beneath.

Grimacing, she looked up from the sink she had been alternatively splashing her face and taking sips from.  She found herself staring at the mirror.

‘Looked so much like you I couldn’t stand the sight of her’, Vi had said, and Mattie looked at herself and could see it.  She had always favored her mother strongly, in the cheek bones and chin.  Her hair was the same shade, and long as well.  Now that she had met Vi, she could see the resemblance to her in the eyes and the shoulders, in her strong frame, but for the most part she resembled her al-mother quiet strongly.

Which was apparently sin enough to warrant complete rejection from her mega-mom.

What the hell had happened?  Everything about the interaction last night was wrong.  Mattie grimaced, unable to correlate the facts she knew and the events she had witnessed.  The two were supposed to be bonded mates, two entities so perfectly compatible with each other.  Yet the relationship between the two wasn’t just confrontational, it was a downright warzone.  It was even worse than seeing Caitlyn and Dylan around each other, and that was a shit show every time it went down.

‘She had a name.  Iris.  Iris was her name.’

Vi’s voice again, somehow managing to penetrate even the wracking pain of the hangover.

Mattie didn’t know how to react to that.  She had another name?  One given to her by her mega-mother?  And apparently changed by her al-mother?

Just what the actual fuck had actually happened between her mothers?

Bracing herself, Mattie dragged herself away from the bathroom sink. 

‘It’s time I get some answers,’ she told herself, gathering her resolve.  ‘And you better fucking believe I’m old enough after last night.’

Mattie’s purpose was firm, her resolve unshakable.  She was going to find her mother, and she was going to get her answers, one way or another.

At least, that’s what she told herself, until she actually found her mother.

After checking the dining room, where Caitlyn usually was this time of the morning, and finding her absent Mattie had checked the gym, and then Caitlyn’s room.  With no luck at locating her mother, she had halfheartedly checked the office.

She found a disaster. 

Rows of paperwork, normally neatly stacked, were scattered, and files laid open splayed after they had been thrown at the wall.  Several plaques, awards and recognitions were broken or laying on the floor where they had fallen.  Most of the filing cabinets had their drawers ripped open and their contents dumped on the floor.

The only one that was in any state of repair was the forbidden files, the one in the corner that was always locked.  It had been opened, and the contents removed.

And sitting at the table was Caitlyn.  A bottle of strong Noxian whiskey had been opened and was now empty, a tumbler still clutched in her fist.  She was laying on the table, surrounded by several documents which seemed to have weathered the storm.

Her eyes were red, obviously enflamed, even as she slept.

Mattie had never seen her mother like this, and she swallowed. 

It made her feel small, and uncomfortable, and nervous. 

Caitlyn was proud, and firm, and unbreakable.  She didn’t drink herself into a rage, or cry herself to sleep.

At twenty-two, Mattie had the realization that her mother was only human.  That she wasn’t perfect, and that she could make mistakes. 

Unsure of what to do, she made a quick trip to Caitlyn’s room, taking a comforter from her bed and making her way back to the office.  Quietly, she draped it over her sleeping mother’s form.  Caitlyn snored once, unconsciously shifting to settle the blanket.

Mattie watched her mother sleep, still uncertain for a moment.  Then her attention turned to the forms on the table.

She sucked in a startled breath when she saw how most of them had been signed by Vi, twenty two years ago.

***Scene Break***

“Well, shit,” Renata sighed, taking a sip of beer.  She held one out to Mattie.  “Here, you look like you need this.”

“I have sworn to never touch alcohol again,” Mattie informed her.

“Neeko think hair of dog is best decision,” Neeko advised her.

“Neeko has impressive logic, and I bow to her well-ordered and thoroughly presented case,” Mattie told her, and took the beer.

Spirits, she felt like she needed it.

“Alright, so you met your mega-mom, and discovered that some really fucked up shit apparently went down between them,” Renata summed up the texted conversation that had brought them to this point.  “And now you’re trying to figure just how fucked up the shit is, and who was fucking which shit in the first place.  Am I summing this up right?”

“With great eloquence,” Mattie confirmed for her.  “Rennie, I know you’re busy, but you are a law major.  Have you had a chance to take a look at those forms I sent you?”

“Yeah…” Renata admitted slowly, grimacing.  “Look Mattie, I gotta say, as your future legal representation that it is my professional opinion that you might not want me to answer your questions.”

“First of all, we’ve never agreed that you’re going to be my legal representation,” Mattie reminded her, sipping her beer and swearing she could feel her hangover receding at the taste of sweet, sweet alcohol. 

“It’s only a matter of time.”

“Second of all, there’s no way in hell that I’m not following through with this,” Mattie declared, voice firm.  “Something happened between my mothers.  Something terrible.  And I can’t just turn away from it.  I need the truth.  Even if the truth is terrible, I want it.  For spirits’ sake, I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“Well, that’s pretty dramatic,” Renata laughed, and Mattie gave her an even glare.

“No, I’m serious.  I recognized one of those documents as an amended birth certificate.  I didn’t even know that you could get a birth certificate amended, but apparently you can.  Originally it seems my name was Iris Powder Lane before it was changed to Mathilda Cassandra Kiramman.”

“Huh,” Renata blinked.  “You know, you sort of look more like an Iris than a Mathilda.  I mean, Mathilda is kind of a stupid name, no offense…”

“I know!” Mattie agreed throwing her hands up in the air, forgetting she had a beer in one and splashing it onto her blouse.  She muttered a curse, whipping ineffectually at the liquid.  “So, Renata, just what the hell do all those papers mean?”

Renata was quiet for a moment, chewing her lip in thought, before finally she sighed.

“Unofficially, it’s called the ‘Councilor’s Kid’s Kit’,” she finally declared.

“Why the hell are they called that?” Mattie furrowed her brough, confused at the fact that a collection of paperwork could have a nickname, much less the one that it did.

“Because they use it whenever some councilor’s kid does something stupid and they have to clean up after them,” Renata bluntly declared.  She pulled her laptop over, letting Mattie see it as she scrolled through the pictures of contracts that Mattie had taken and sent over earlier.

“Here, this is an NDA, a non-disclosure agreement,” Renata began.  “Detailing that the signer can never discuss the fact that they are signing the contracts.  This one is a declaration of incompetency, stating that the signer doesn’t feel as though they are capable of handling responsibility.  This one is a waiver of rights, meaning the signer forgoes any other legal processes.  Here we have a document detailing compensation for the signing of these documents…”

“What the fuck?” Mattie whispered, her mind whirling as she tried to connect the dots.

“Basically, the story goes that a councilor’s kid does something stupid, and gets someone pregnant,” Renata explained.  “These are the standard documents used on the expecting mother.  It means that they give up the kid, agree to never contact the kid or the other parent’s family, and in return they get paid for it.”

“The fuck?” Mattie repeated, her feelings a mix between outrage and shock.  “So Vi, my mega-mother, she agreed to give me up?  And got paid for it?”

“Mattie,” Renata continued slowly, grimacing.  “Most of the times, the person signing these documents don’t exactly have a choice.”

“Explain,” she demanded.

“It’s just that usually when someone rich or important gets some pregnant, well it’s not always exactly… consensual,” Renata continued.  “And even if sometimes it is, the rest of the family doesn’t want word of it getting out.  So the family will lean on the expecting mother, threaten expensive legal action, maybe find some blackmail.  The whole point is to get them in a situation where they can’t see any other way out but to give up their rights as a parent.”

“The fuck,” Mattie repeated, now feeling numb.

“Like here, there’s even a restraining order,” Renata tapped the screen.  “This says that your mega-mother can’t ever come within twenty miles of you, in perpetuity.  Now, this document isn’t actually legal.  No court in the world will allow an action in perpetuity, and the legal limit for a restraining order is five hundred yards.  But a lawyer acting all threatening, sounding convincing, well, they can convince the signer that it’s true anyway…”

“Neeko is most distressed by this!” Neeko sounded genuinely upset.  Mattie could still only feel numb.

“And you gotta keep in mind, that there’s this too,” Renata changed the screen again.  “The bond registration form.  Back then, well it wasn’t as progressive as it is now.  Bonded alphas had a lot of legal rights over their omegas.  If the alpha wanted it, they could actually take legal action to compel their omega to sign contracts…”

“So,” Mattie began, licking her lips slowly.  “You’re saying that I’m most likely a rape baby, and that my alpha-mother used threatening litigation and unfair legal methods in order to force my mega-mother to give me up and never see me again.  Is that what you’re saying?”

Renata was quiet for a moment, and then sighed.

“Yeah, that’s pretty much it.”  She grimaced.  “Sorry.”

Mattie still couldn’t feel anything.  She felt like she was in the eye of some terrible storm, a hurricane of the soul.  Soon, that hurricane would rage, but in that moment all she could feel was nothing.

“No wonder my mega-mother hates the sight of me,” she finally said, matter of factly.

“No!  Neeko is sure that Mattie’s mother is not of hating her,” Neeko declared reaching out to take Mattie’s hand.  “Neeko is sure she is only hating other mother, not Mattie!”

Mattie laughed slightly, without humor. 

“Thank you, Neeko.  That is much better.”  She scrubbed a hand through her hair, sitting back.  “Well.  One mystery down.  Now I just have to figure out why the hell Vi is so.. unpresenting.”

“You mean the lack of pheromones?” Renata prompted, and Mattie nodded.

“We know that she bonded with my alpha-mother,” Mattie reasoned, “so she must at some point have been a presenting omega.  But you don’t understand how blank she was.  It was like she was a beta, an unscented.  I know I smelled some pheromones, but it was only when I was right next to her, practically shoving my nose on her skin.  Nobody has self-control that good, no one.”

She expected Renata to agree with her or to respond, but when nothing came, she looked over at her friend.

Renata was refusing to meet her gaze.  Mattie felt her stomach drop even further.

“Renata, what do you know?” she demanded.

“As your future legal counsel…” she began and Mattie cut her off.

“The only reason you’re hesitating is because you know something even worse than what we already talked about.  I’m struggling to even think of something that could qualify, and don’t honestly think there is anything worse.  Go ahead.  Prove me wrong.”

Renata sighed, and pulled up the forms again, cycling to one in particular.

“The compensation form details that in return for signing, Violet Lanes would be provided with a lifetime supply of total suppressants.”

“Suppressants?” Mattie repeated, trying to see the angle that would make this monstrous.  “Like heat suppressants?  At the time they would have been really expensive…”

“Heat suppressants,” Renata grimaced.  “But also pheromone suppressants, scent suppressants, estrus suppressants… It’s the whole chemical beta package.”

Mattie was still.

Then the storm that she had been anticipating hit.

“The fuck!” she screamed, slamming her hands on the table, shattering the beer bottle she was holding and cutting herself.  She ignored it.  “But those… those are…!”

“Incredibly dangerous, only meant for short term usage, and have negative long term side effects?” Renata sighed, confirming what Mattie already knew.

 Drugs to suppress scented senses had existed for a long time, but were extremely limited in their use: medical personnel were the main users, typically before they had complex surgeries to perform.  Unconscious pheromone release during operations were known to happen, and could impact those performing the operations when delicacy was required.  Occasionally, police would use them as well, typically during sting operations to conceal the identities of the officers, or during court cases when they were trying to preserve the anonymity of a witness.

All their uses were extremely limited, because it was immensely physically demanding to an alpha or omega’s body to effectively shut down one of their senses.  Mattie had heard stories of negative effects showing up after just a few weeks’ worth of usage.

If this was to be believed, then Vi had most likely been using them for over twenty years.

“Look, I don’t know why they’re listed, but they are,” Renata told her covering her eyes.  “I don’t have the answers here.  If you want to know why, I think you know where you have to go.”

***Scene Break***

Mattie was quiet as she shut the door to her home behind her.  Despite her silence, she heard her mother call to her as the door shut.

“Mattie, dear, is that you?  I’m afraid I only just woken.  Would you be a dear and fetch me a glass of water?”

Wordlessly, Mattie moved to the kitchen, filling a cup as requested.  Caitlyn’s voice had come from one of the sitting rooms, and she made her way there.

Caitlyn looked about how Mattie had felt this morning.  She was abnormally pale, and her eyes were red, the area around them puffy.  She was wearing a housecoat thrown over the same outfit she had been wearing yesterday.

“Thank you dear,” Caitlyn smiled at Mattie, before sniffing the pheromones in the air.  “Do be a dear and tone down your aggression, please.  I’m not certain what happened while you were out, but there’s no reason to bring it home.”

“Mom, what happened to Vi?” she asked plainly.  Caitlyn grimaced, her scent turning bitter.

“I’m not certain what she might have told you,” she began, and Mattie cut her off.

“Nothing.  She told me I had to ask you.”

“Well, I’m certain you have questions, but it really would be best if we discussed this later…”

“You had the contracts out last night,” Mattie cut her mother off, something she would normally never do.  Normally, Caitlyn would call her on her impropriety, but this time she did nothing but flinch.  “I saw them, and had Renata explain them to me.”

“Ah,” Caitlyn grimaced, and her pheromones, which had been starting to gather into their commanding presence faded, the authority they normally represented vanishing into a bitter tinge reminiscent to last night. 

“I’m trying,” Mattie began slowly.  “I’m trying really hard to understand why those forms were signed.  I’m trying really hard to find a reason, any reason to justify them.  Something to explain them, and why they were necessary.  But I’m struggling, mom.  No matter how hard I try, I can’t find any reason that makes sense to me.  So I’m asking: what happened?  Tell me your side of the story, explain to me the reason why.  Because right now the picture the facts are painting is pretty ugly.”

“I suppose so,” Caitlyn whispered softly, tone resigned.  “I suppose they would.  I… I never wanted to have this conversation with you.  I had always hoped it would never come up.  But I suppose that was a foolish hope.”

She gathered herself, before standing from the couch.  With graceful strides marred only by the hand clutching her forehead she made her way to a cabinet.  She pulled two tumblers, and another bottle of fine whiskey.

She placed the tumblers on the table, filling them both.  Wordlessly, Mattie sat opposite her.

“I…” Caitlyn began quietly, trailing off.  “I never wanted to be bonded.”

Chapter Text

no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse

Caitlyn Kiramman had the life that most only dreamed of.  Her family had wealth and status, which she stood to inherit and use.  She was an alpha, of high quality with strong pheromones that she could use adroitly.  She had only the best in education, and though she was only a legal assistant for now once she gathered enough experience she expected to be able to rise to contract lawyer in only a year or so.  Being a partner in the firm would only be a few years more.

From the outside, anyone looking at Caitlyn’s life would agree she was an alpha with all the advantages.

She would have been proud of all her accomplishments.  If she had actually chosen any of them for herself.

She had never chosen to be a Kiramman, she had simply been born into it, and that more than anything had cemented her fate.  Every aspect of her life was governed by her name, and most of that governing was done by her mother, Cassandra.

 It was Cassandra who decided who Caitlyn could associate with, what she could wear, what she could eat.  It was Cassandra who determined what education Caitlyn would have, and what job she would someday perform. 

There was only one aspect of Caitlyn’s life that she ever felt she had control of, and that was who she would mate.  Cassandra had once even attempted to determine that, and it was the one battle that Caitlyn had ever won with her.

And even then, Caitlyn felt like it was an uphill battle.  As an alpha she had great influence, but in return she was also open to great influence as well.  Pheromones were a powerful influencer of alpha and omega behavior.  It took self-control and discipline to be able to control your own, and even more to avoid the influence of others. 

Caitlyn had been on suppressants ever since she first presented, and she was grateful for them.  Without them, it would have been so much harder for her to be able to control herself.

Even as the rest of her life was planned out before her, an inexorable path depriving her of any choice, at least she would be able to choose her own mate.

And that was why Caitlyn hated the very idea of a bonded mate.  The idea of someone’s pheromones being so attractive, so addictive, that the scent of them removed your ability to reason was anathema to her.  It was the ultimate betrayal of body, to deprive you of even the choice of who you wished to be with, tainting and removing all other possibilities.

Many other alphas or omegas might hope to find a bonded mate, might romanticize it as some sort of soul mate or fated destiny, but to Caitlyn the idea was a prison that she desperately wanted to avoid.

She wanted the mate she chose to be the one SHE chose, to find a love that was true and not the result of chemical intoxication.

So the day when she found her bond mate was the day she considered the worst in her life.

She had been walking to the office, past some construction when she was hit with a scent that was so overpoweringly wonderful that she had to freeze, mid step as she tilted her head back, her eyes fluttering closed as she took it in.

It was like vanilla and nutmeg, like someone had taken a warm and sunny day and distilled it to a scent.

It was so appealing, that Caitlyn didn’t even realize what it was, simply basking in it.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” a voice interrupted her reverie, and her eyes fluttered open.

In front of her was an omega female, and she was absolutely striking.  Pink hair, clear eyes, strong arms, and a roguish but hopeful grin that blossomed into an attractive smile the moment their eyes met.  She was dressed in work clothes, with a helmet on, and looked to have come out of the construction site in a rush.

“Hi,” the vision in front of her told her cockily.  “The names Vi.  It’s short for ‘violently attracted to you.’”

It finally hit Caitlyn.  This.  This woman in front of her was the source of the scent, that she was Caitlyn’s bond mate.  It was a million to one chance of meeting, a miracle of coincidence, but she had found her one perfect match.

It filled Caitlyn with horror.

“No,” she snapped, quite by accident.  Vi flinched, surprised, and Caitlyn used the opportunity to turn tail and run.

***Scene Break***

“’No’?” Mattie repeated, staring at her mother.  She could decide whether she was amused or horrified by the reaction.  On one hand, for a bond mate’s first words to be a rejection was terrible. 

On the other hand, for her poised and always in control mother to lose it so completely…

“It wasn’t my finest moment,” Caitlyn admitted, her tone sheepish.  “Nor was what came next…”

***Scene Break***

After she fled, Caitlyn was able to compose herself.  She had met her bonded mate and escaped her, but who was she?  She was obviously in the city somewhere, and if they met once they could meet again. 

The thought of being assaulted by those perfect pheromones at any moment, without any warning, made her shiver. 

It made her question her resolve.  If THIS was what being bonded meant, then was it really something she wanted to avoid?

In the end, Caitlyn decided to find out more about her potential mate.  She only had the name ‘Vi’, but that was enough.

It was easy to find the construction company that had been operating on the address.  From there, she was able to use the Kiramman influence to pressure the names of the workers that had been there, and the only one on the list that fit the name was ‘Violet Lane’.

Using her law office’s resources, she was able to find Vi’s address and phone number.  She was able to do a background check, and learn more about the omega that had turned her life upside down.

Violet Lane was a Zaunite.  She had been orphaned some years ago in the rights riots, and adopted by a Vander Lane, along with her sister and two brothers.  She had spent two years in juvie for assault of an alpha.  Apparently, a Piltover alpha had attempted to make a pass on her underage sister, and Vi had taken exception to it. 

It made Caitlyn grimace, as she read the trial.  As a lawyer, she herself could read between the lines, and the fact that the alpha had won that case despite the testimony and evidence was… well, it was appalling.  As in it personally offended and made a mockery of the justice system that Caitlyn believed in.

After the imprisonment, Vi had apparently began working various jobs, mostly in Piltover.  It was rare for her to last at any of them long, usually resulting with her employer listing ‘omega unreliableness’ as reason for the termination of employment.

Caitlyn was familiar with the term.  It was usually employed when an unsuppressed omega had to take some time off for their heat, and the employer fired them for it.  It was commonly used when the employee was approaching seniority, or eligibility for some kind of promotion.  By simply firing them they could avoid having to increase the wages.

Caitlyn grimaced again.  She knew it was simply her biology responding, that inground protective instincts were flaring, but she felt outraged at the injustice that had been visited upon the omega.

The thought of it made her feel ill.  She had met Vi only a few days ago, had spent less than a minute in her present, had exchanged one word with her, and already she could feel herself growing jealous, growing possessive of her.  Already she wanted to track down the alpha that had gotten her thrown into juvie and destroy his life, to find every employer who had fired her unjustly and ruin their businesses.

It was illogical, and insidious, and it was the very reason that Caitlyn had never wanted to be bonded.

So, Caitlyn steeled her will, and prepared to tell Vi that she would not take her as a mate.

***Scene Break***

“We need to talk,” Caitlyn greeted Vi as she stepped away from the construction site.  The alpha had contacted the firm to request information when Vi’s shifts were, and she had timed her appearance at the end of the omega’s.

“Er, hi,” Vi responded, her smile strained, her pheromones relaying her nerves.  “Am I gonna get more than just a ‘no’ this time?  Like maybe a name?  I wasn’t sure you were going to come back…”

“Caitlyn,” she introduced herself.  “Caitlyn Kiramman.  And like I said, we need to talk.”

“I would think we do,” Vi continued to smile, her tone hopeful.  It made Caitlyn want to smile back, and she ruthlessly suppressed the urge.  “Seeing as we’re bonded, and all, I imagine we would have to talk at some point.”

“That is precisely what we need to discuss,” Caitlyn confirmed, before nodding to the corner.  “Will the café here be sufficient for the conversation?”

“Sure thing, Cupcake,” Vi grinned, and despite her attempt to remain professional Caitlyn’s brough furrowed. 

“Cupcake?” she prompted as she led the way.

“Because you smell so sweet,” Vi flited with her.  “Like a cupcake!”

It took all of Caitlyn’s will not to simper at that.  Vi’s smile felt almost contagious.

The smile didn’t last long after they had seated themselves.

“I do not want to be your bonded mate,” Caitlyn told her directly, and Vi’s expression faltered.

“Er, I’m confused,” she admitted, sounding uncertain.   “I don’t think you really get a choice in it, you know?  I mean, being bonded is something that just happens, right?”

“True, it is a biological function,” Caitlyn answered, steepling her fingers.  “And nothing can be done about it.  But socially, we are still able to make choices in regards to how we respond.  And I do not want to be your mate.  I propose we simply ignore the bond.”

Vi flinched, stricken at the suggestion, and the expression resulted in almost physical pain to Caitlyn.

“What?” Vi whispered, shock obvious in her voice.

“I propose we simply ignore the bond,” Caitlyn repeated, pushing onwards.  “There’s no reason for us to engage in a physical relationship, and we can avoid each other quite easily.  If we come across each other by chance, we can simply ignore each other.  We won’t even need to get registered.”

“That’s, that’s not how this is supposed to work, cupcake,” Vi stammered.  Her expression was pained, and it hurt Caitlyn to see it and know it was her fault.  “Being bonded is supposed to be a good thing.  It means you find the person in the whole world who’s most right for you, who can make you the happiest.  It means you fall in love, have someone to take care of your heats, to raise a family with.  Why… why are you trying to stop that?”

“Because I hate the fact that my body has that kind of control over me,” Caitlyn declared, and from the way Vi snapped backwards as though she were slapped, Caitlyn could tell her words were a shock to the other woman.  “It’s a throwback to the days before progress, before we could suppress our heats, when we were slaves to our biology.  We live in an age where we can make our own decisions, and control ourselves in order to be who we want to be.”

“But can’t we want to be who we are?” Vi countered, her tone uneven and desperate.  “I mean, there’s nothing wrong with falling in love with the one you’re destined to be with.  Yeah, it’s our biology, but isn’t that the equivalent of our biology helping us to be our happiest?  To find who we love?”

“I don’t love you,” Caitlyn declared, “I don’t even know you.”

For a moment, Caitlyn was certain that Vi was going to cry, and if she did than Caitlyn wasn’t sure she would be able to hold herself back from comforting her.  The omega’s pheromones were stricken, smelling of a wounded animal.  It made Caitlyn want to hold her, to protect her, to heal her…

Then Vi seemed to take hold of herself, and her expression hardened into anger.  Her pheromones as well turned to rage.

“Well, aren’t you a fucking alphahole,” she sneered.  “You’re just going to leave me, without even getting to know me?  Let me guess, you don’t want trencher trash like me embarrassing you among your friends?  Worried I might get in the way of you fucking every other omega you want?  Well, you might be so high and mighty about overcoming your body, but you can actually afford the suppressants.  What the fuck am I supposed to do?”

“I’m sure you can find another alpha to take care of you,” Caitlyn informed her.  She kept her voice steady, but the very thought of Vi with another alpha very nearly undid her self-control right then and there. 

‘Mine, mine, mine,’ her whole body was whispering to her.

She focused on ignoring it.

Vi had frozen at the suggestion, staring at Caitlyn with a look of horror at the very thought.  Again, Caitlyn could scent her on the verge of crying.  Again, Vi turned to anger instead.

“Fuck you, Kiramman,” she swore, standing up and storming out of the café.  “I hope I never see you again.”

Caitlyn remained seated, telling herself over and over again that she was doing the right thing.

She didn’t believe it, but if she told herself it enough maybe she would.

***Scene Break***

“Obviously, you met again, otherwise I wouldn’t be here right now,” Mattie pointed out.  She sipped her whiskey, struggling with the story she was hearing.

In a way, a twisted sort of way, she could understand her mother.  Mattie herself had often felt the pressure of the Kiramman legacy, but her mother had always been understanding with her, giving her space and supporting her decisions.  Sometimes Grandma Cassie would try to pressure her, but Caitlyn had always stepped in to make sure her daughter had her independence.

And it wasn’t as though Caitlyn had broken any laws, either.  There was no rule that bonded mates had to be together.  It was just that once you found someone so perfectly suited to you, it was natural to stay with them. 

No, Caitlyn wasn’t wrong in her choices, Mattie decided.  But she certainly wasn’t right either.

“Mom,” Mattie began, and Caitlyn cut her off.

“There’s no need,” she sighed, her head hanging.  “I’ve had years to think about how I comported myself, and there is nothing you can point out that I haven’t already considered.  How I took advantage of my privilege to unilaterally make a decision which should have been a joint one.  How I unfairly took advantage of the power dynamics to enforce the outcome of my decision.  That I was just being a bloody proud idiot.”

“What happened next?” Mattie decided to prompt, and Caitlyn shook her head with another sigh.

“For several days after that, I couldn’t think of anything but Vi,” Caitlyn admitted.  “I kept wondering how she was, what she was doing.  Despite my decision, I couldn’t help but feel that I was in some way failing her, that I wasn’t properly performing my role as an alpha.  I recalled her mentioning that she was unable to afford the suppressants, and decided that I should at least provide some sort of support, as her alpha, so I called her over…”

***Scene Break***

“Pretty swanky,” Vi sneered, taking in the condominium that Caitlyn had invited her over to.  “Get this from mommy’s money?”

“It is a Kiramman property,” Caitlyn admitted.  She had her own residence, a much smaller one that she was proud of affording from her own salary.  But despite her decision, she had found herself wanting to show off the more impressive property.

Perhaps she was secretly hoping to impress the omega, to show her how well she could provide for her.  To show her that her upcoming offer was good.

“So what the hell did you want to talk about,” Vi collapsed onto sofa, kicking her feet up on the table indolently.  “You realize what an enormous ass you are and wanted to apologize?”

The omega seemed determined to show how little she cared for Caitlyn, at least verbally.  But despite herself, Caitlyn could smell the faintest trace of hope in her pheromones, and she noticed that Vi had dressed nicely and cleaned herself carefully. 

It was successful, as she was even more visually stunning than she had been when they first met.

She did appear a little red though, and appeared to be sweating.  Caitlyn wondered if perhaps she was coming down with a cold.

She had to steel her resolve, and she forced herself to continue.

“It has come to my attention that my decision does fly in the face of several conventions,” Caitlyn admitted, and for a moment hope flickered across Vi’s face.  “While I stand by it, I had considered that I could lend more conventional aid in compensation.”

“Conventional aid?” Vi repeated, her brow furrowing.

“A stipend,” Caitlyn proposed.  “It should be sufficient for you to be able to afford suppressants, and perhaps a little extra to assist with your living.”

Vi stared at her, expression flummoxed. 

“You want to pay me?” she whispered, before she gave a low, disbelieving laugh.  “You think it’s money I want?”

“I had certainly considered that perhaps you had anticipations about a bond mate helping to contribute to your household income,” Caitlyn admitted, before she was cut off, Vi jumping to her feet and pacing.

“Fuck you, Kiramman,” Vi snapped.  “What, you think money is going to solve this little problem?  Just pay me enough to keep me out of sight?  Fuck, I’d say it’s treating me like a whore, but a whore would at least get fucked.  You want to set me up to do just the opposite!”

“That was not my intention,” Caitlyn began, but Vi plowed through.

“And all because what, you want to be able to choose who you’re with?”  Vi tugged at her hair in frustration.  “Well it’s simple, just choose me!  Fuck, why not?  Is there something wrong with me?  Am I not rich enough, or not pretty enough?  Why, Caitlyn?  Why can’t you just choose me?”

“I don’t know you,” Caitlyn simply stated.  Vi’s pheromones were getting intense, and it was taking all her effort to resist them.

“Then get to know me,” Vi begged, collapsing to her knees in front of Caitlyn, staring into her eyes with desperate intensity.  “It wouldn’t be hard.”

Caitlyn swallowed, and swallowed hard.  It wouldn’t be hard at all, and that was what Caitlyn was terrified of.

“No,” she whispered, clutching the chair to keep herself from leaping off it and taking the omega in front of her.

Vi searched her eyes, desperate for any sign of acceptance, before she swallowed, closing her eyes briefly.  When she opened them, they were resolved.

Pushing forward, she pinned Caitlyn to the chair, and kissed her.

Caitlyn was never sure how she kept herself from whimpering at the touch. 

“One night,” Vi pleaded between kisses.  Caitlyn wasn’t certain when her hands had come up to cradle her face.  “One night, that’s all I ask.  Let me change your mind…”

“Vi,” Caitlyn whispered and…

***Scene Break***

“We don’t have to go into details there, mom.”

“Yes, that would be awkward.  Suffice it to say, it was magnificent…”

“No details, no details, no details!”

***Scene Break***

As Caitlyn lay in bed, panting and sweating from the exertion, she realized that she could see the future.

This is how she would lose her resolve.  It was one instance at a time. 

If Vi asked her for something, to do something with her or to do something for her, than Caitlyn wouldn’t be able to resist.  And that event would turn into another, and another.  Soon she would have a chain of events, a history.  She would know things about Vi, her hopes, and her dreams, her aspirations, and soon she would know Vi.

And it she knew Vi, if she had a history with Vi, she realized it would be impossible for her not to love Vi as well. 

Would it be bad?  Would it be wrong?  No, it would be natural.  It would probably even be amazing.

But doing so would remove all the other possibilities from her as well.  She would never be able to build a history or know someone else.  She would never be able to choose who she shared herself with, who she welcomed in, because there would be no room for anyone else but Vi.

She had rolled onto her side facing away from Vi, and she could feel Vi beside her, her warmth emanating, her eyes upon Caitlyn’s back.  She could feel the hope the other woman held.

“Caitlyn,” Vi whispered.  “Please.”

If she looked, she knew she would fall, so Caitlyn didn’t look.

“What would be the best method to deliver the funds?” she instead asked, struggling to keep the waiver out of her voice.

She didn’t look when she heard the hitch in Vi’s voice, or when she heard the soft sobs.

She didn’t look when she heard Vi get up and get dressed.

She didn’t look when she heard the door open.

“Thank you, Caitlyn Kiramman,” she heard Vi say, her tone flat.  “All my life, I’ve known there were things that I couldn’t control.  And I always knew that when something like that happens, it will always make things worse.  I couldn’t control it when my parents died.  I couldn’t control when I got sent to Stillwater.  I couldn’t control it when I bonded with you.

“I had always hoped that I would find a bond mate.  No matter how bad things got, no matter how terrible, I always had the hope that somewhere out there, there was someone for me.  Someone who would love me, and would start a family with me.  I knew I might never meet them, but I knew they could be out there, and I could hope.  I could dream.

“But now you ruined that.  Now I know that even that one dream, that one last hope, isn’t allowed for me.  There is someone out there for me, and they don’t want me.

“So thank you, Caitlyn Kiramman, for showing me no matter how bad things are, they can always get worse.

“I don’t need your money.  I never want to see you again.   Forget I ever existed.”

Caitlyn flinched as the door shut quietly.

It’s for the best, she told herself. 

She realized later that she was crying and she couldn’t remember when she started.

***Scene Break***

Mattie was silent.   Her mother was crying, slow silent and steady tears that she didn’t even seem to acknowledge dripping down her face, and Mattie had no idea what to say.

The story, what had happened, what her al-mother had done to her mega-mother…

It was strange, how even though she knew that no one in the story had done anything truly wrong, how they had just held true to their beliefs and principles, the story could still end so horribly.  It wasn’t wrong of Caitlyn to want to have choice.  It wasn’t wrong for Vi to want be chosen.

And yet here, years past the event, even as Mattie sat, she could still feel the pain the decisions resulted in: could see the wreckage.

Sticking to one’s integrity wasn’t supposed to result like this.  She had been raised to believe that being true to yourself was good, and worth doing.  Mattie believed that if nothing else, doing what you thought was right should at least allow you to feel good about yourself no matter the results.

It was strange, learning how one’s beliefs were wrong.

 “It’s funny,” Caitlyn smiled slightly, seemingly unmindful of the tears streaking her chin.  “After making the worst decision of your life, you think that nothing can top it.  That nothing could ever be worse than that.  But it’s only the worst decision of your life to that point.  There’s time afterwards to make another one.  Or another.”

“What happened next?” Mattie asked.

“For weeks, I told myself that I had made the right decision,” Caitlyn explained.  “But even if Vi didn’t want me in her life, I still couldn’t get her out of my head.  I kept an eye on her, from a distance with private investigators I hired.  I pressured her boss, advising him that Vi was to be given time off for her heats, and that she wasn’t to be fired for ‘unreliableness’, even told him it would behoove the company if she were to be considered for promotion.  Things to convince myself that regardless of how things ended, I was still doing my best to look out for her, to help her.  That I was a good alpha, just one that wasn’t ruled by their pheromones.

“It almost worked, for a bit.”

“Vi had been in her heat,” Mattie declared, the connection easier to make since she knew the end results.  “You mentioned she had looked hot, like she was sick when she was with you.  It must have been right at the beginning of her heat, before she was pheromone presenting, and she had never been able to afford suppressants.”

“Two months after we were together, one of the investigators reported that Vi had been seeing an obstetrician,” Caitlyn took a deep breath.  “And I… handled it poorly.”

***Scene Break***

Vi saw Caitlyn approaching her, and she scowled.  Caitlyn couldn’t care less that she was seen.  Her clothes were disheveled from her haste, and it felt like she couldn’t focus, like her mind was in too many places at once to be able to correctly train together her thoughts.

“What the hell are you doing…” Vi began, but Caitlyn cut her off.

“You’re pregnant,” she blurted, none of her usual poise or grace present.  It was a single thought, running through her head, over and over.  Vi was pregnant, Vi was pregnant, Vi was pregnant.  Caitlyn couldn’t think of what to do before, or after, only that she needed to confirm that Vi was pregnant.

“How the hell…”Vi began shocked, before her eyes widened as she realized she had all but confirmed the accusation.  “How the hell do you know that?  Didn’t I make it clear that I never wanted to see you again?”

“That was before I knew you were pregnant,” Caitlyn snapped, running a hand through her hair.  It occurred to her that this might not be the best place for the conversation they obviously needed to have: on the street, outside of a grocery store, with Vi carrying a single brown bag full of food stuffs.  She reached out to grab Vi’s arm, to pull her someplace more private, but Vi shook her off with a scowl.

“Get the hell off me,” she snapped, and Caitlyn couldn’t understand how the omega could be so obstinate in a situation where they obviously needed to talk.

“Look, you need to come with me so we can sort this all out,” Caitlyn demanded, and Vi laughed, high and vicious.

“No, I don’t have to go anywhere with you,” she snapped back cruelly.  “You made it pretty damn obvious you didn’t want anything to do with me, so just go back to doing that.”

“Like I said, that was before you were pregnant,” Caitlyn snapped.  A life.  A life was growing inside of Vi.  It changed things, changed everything.  Caitlyn wasn’t even sure how yet, how she wanted to feel about it or what she wanted to do about it, but she needed Vi to come with her so she could start working just that out.  “It’s mine, isn’t it?”

“Who knows,” Vi snapped, “after all, there’s all those other alphas I’ve been with since you told me to fuck off.  I mean there’s so many of them, practically a line outside my door.  You don’t know what you’re missing…”

Caitlyn felt as though she had been slapped.  She doubted that Vi was telling the truth, but in her panicked mind the mere thought of someone, another alpha, being with HER omega, her pregnant omega, made her furious, made her enraged.

“Vi, be serious, is it mine or is it not?” she demanded again reaching out again to grab Vi, and again she shook her off.

“Fuck off!” Vi snapped, and Caitlyn snapped as well.

“Vi,” Caitlyn demanded, and the sheer strength, the sheer amount of the pheromones she released compelling obedience, commanding submission swept over Vi like a cloud.   Vi, as a bonded mate, was especially susceptible to the pheromones of her bonded alpha, and her eyes dilated, her expression slackened in submission.  “Is it mine?”

“Y-yes,” Vi whispered before she shook her head, expression betrayed.  “You bastard,” she muttered, a faint outrage showing past the near stupor that Caitlyn’s pheromones were instilling in her, past the biological imperative for obedience that resided in her.  “You utter bastard…!”

“Now, come along…” Caitlyn demanded, and was interrupted as Vi dropped her groceries and hit her.

Not slapped, but a full-on fist to the face, the knuckles impacting Caitlyn’s nose hard enough for the crunch of cartilage to echo in her ear, next to the ringing the blow caused as well.

Caitlyn had never in her life been struck like that, never taken a blow so strong.  She fell, consciousness wavering as she blinked, trying to work through the pain.  She was just able to make out Vi as she fled, running from her.

***Scene Break***

“Mother, you didn’t!” Mattie gaped, utterly shocked.  Caitlyn merely sighed.

“Yes, I did,” she admitted softly. 

Mattie could do nothing but stare. 

Pheromones were a part of life, and a legacy of their biology.  While it was a part of life, something which were used in every day interactions, it didn’t change the fact that they had once also been a part of expressing dominance, of controlling their pack. 

An alpha’s pheromones could have a potent effect on omegas, influencing their thoughts and reactions. It was considered the lowest possible move to try to compel an omega, an act that bordered on physically restraining them against their will, or slipping them a roofie to take advantage of them.

The thought that her mother had ever even considered doing such a thing made her feel as though she had never actually known her mother at all.

“What were you thinking?” Mattie finally asked, hoping that Caitlyn would be able to explain herself.

“I wasn’t,” Caitlyn admitted directly.  “The thought of Vi, of her being pregnant, of her potentially having my pups inside her, it took away all my reasoning.  I believe I might have intended to talk to her about what custody I would have, or doctors I could provide during the pregnancy, or how much I would need to provide for her financial situation.  I was thinking this was potentially the most important moment of my life and I didn’t want to have it on the street.  I was thinking that maybe this changed the way I felt, changed my decision about whether to have Vi or not.”

Mattie was silent for a moment.

“But none of those were about how Vi felt,” she said softly.

Caitlyn simply nodded.

“No,” she admitted.  “None of them were.”

She made no excuse for herself.  Mattie didn’t believe that one existed.

“After I got my nose set, I was able to think clearer,” Caitlyn continued.  “I realized how poorly I had reacted, and tried to get in contact with Vi in a more appropriate fashion.  But by then, she had quit her job, retreated to Zaun to be with her family.  She had informed them what I had done, and they were unwilling to allow me contact.”

***Scene Break***

“If you don’t get your mind-raping alphahole ass off this fucking property I’m gong to put so many fucking holes in you that they’ll never identify the fucking body!”

“Please,” Caitlyn begged the blue haired girl, nearly crying as she stood outside The Last Drop.  She had always known where Vi lived in Zaun, but had never been there.  It was dirty, and poor, but it looked as though the community was close.  “Please, I just need to speak with her.”

“Miss,” the large man, Vander she knew from her investigators, stated, voice deep, steady, and firm.  “Miss, you need to get off my property.”

“No, she needs to get shot in the head and buried in the backyard,” the blue haired girl, Vi’s sister Jinx Caitlyn again knew from reports, snapped.  The threat was made very real by the fact that Jinx was in fact holding a gun, and struggling to aim it at Caitlyn.  She was being stopped by Vander who had the gun firmly held to point at the floor.

Around her, she could feel the eyes on her, but the worst part was the scent.  Pheromones from so many people, the neighbors, the passerby’s: they were all focused on her, unfriendly, bordering on vicious, angry.

They knew, Caitlyn realized.  They knew what she had done.  And they did not want her here.

It was the first time in Caitlyn’s life when she had ever felt unsafe, when she had ever felt like she had no control or at least influence on her continued well being, and it put her on edge.

 “Please,” she begged, her pheromones desperate, trying to show her sincerity.

“Leave,” Vander told her.

***Scene Break***

“I was frantic,” Caitlyn recalled softly.  “For the first time in my life, I had no idea what to do.  Vi wouldn’t see me, I had no idea how the pregnancy was going, what was happening.  So, in the end, I made the worst decision possible.

“I talked to my mother.”

“Grandma Cassie?” Mattie confirmed, her eyes crinkling in confusion.  “But… why was that a bad decision?”

Caitlyn was silent for a moment.

“There are reasons that we only see your grandmother once a year.”

Chapter Text

when all your idols are dead

Mattie was lost in her thoughts, as she drove up the long driveway of the estate.  The villa she was approaching was old, and had been in the Kiramman household for centuries.  It lay in the country just outside Piltover, close enough to reach the city for any social engagements but removed enough to present the illusion of nature around it.

It was also the retirement home of her grandparents. 

Grampa Toby had passed several years ago.  The aneurysm had been sudden, and he had passed quickly and without pain.  It was a small mercy for the loss of family.

Grandma Cassie now spent her time there, cared for by a small legion of nurses and caretakers. 

Mattie had fond memories of her grandmother.  She recalled her being a strict but kind figure in her life, who would give toys or presents and chide her about maintaining her appearance, of the legacy of the Kiramman.

It’s funny, Mattie considered, how new information could change a person’s entire perspective.  Before this week, she had always thought that she had seen her grandmother often when she was young.  That her and Mattie’s mother had been on good terms in that distant Kiramman way.

Now though, she wondered.  In her childhood, she had only seen her grandmother perhaps once a year, despite how close they lived.  When Grandma Cassie and Caitlyn had conversed, they had always done so formally, but was that really Caitlyn’s preferred communication method?  Caitlyn had certainly always insisted on courtesy, but even while being polite her tone could be warm, her expression inviting.  Her conversations with Grandma Cassie all involved blank expressions and business-like exchanges in the memories that Mattie could pull up.

Now, with so many revelations beside her Mattie felt as though a rose-colored lens had been ripped of her memories, that so many interpretations she had once thought obvious had now proven foolish.

Mattie was welcomed immediately, having called ahead to let her grandmother know she was coming.  She was immediately escorted to a sitting room.

“Mathilda, dearest,” her grandmother greeted her, smiling ever so slightly.  The years had been kind to her, but they had been persistent as well.  Her wheelchair was comfortable and of high quality.  A nearby oxygen tank hissed softly.  “Come, give your grandmother a hug.”

“Grandma Cassie,” she greeted, feeling numb as she did so.

“Sit,” Cassandra ordered, indicating the seat across from her, and Mattie obeyed.  A cup of tea awaited her, and Mattie set about loading it with sugar and milk.  Cassandra tutted, but made no move to stop her.

“It’s always lovely for you to visit,” Cassandra finally began once Mattie was sipping her tea.  “I keep telling your mother that she and you need to come more often.  It feels as though I hardly see the either of you anymore.”

‘Probably for the very same reason I came to see you today,’ Mattie noted.

“I’ll be sure to let mother know you asked about her,” she instead said out loud.  She hesitated, but pushed forward.  “Grandma, I was hoping to talk to you about the subject I mentioned?”

“Ah yes,” Cassandra tutted, shaking her head.  “Yes, that nasty business with the trencher trash breeder.”

Mattie swallowed, and fought very hard to keep herself still.  She was mostly successful.  Some of the staff flinched, and drew back.

Cassandra was a beta, and was pheromone insensitive, so she couldn’t sense the way Mattie’s scent was warning of danger, of anger.

“My mega-mother, you mean,” Mattie corrected softly.

“Well, at least she’d be able to claim to have done one useful thing in her life,” Cassandra rolled her eyes, her tone indicating that she thought she was being amusing.

Mattie didn’t find it that way at all.

“Mother mentioned that you were the one who, ‘took care of it’, I believe?” she prompted.

“Sadly, it was an all-too-common scheme,” Cassandra sighed.  “Omega pheromone phishers were quite common, back in the day.  They originated in Zaun, you know.  I hear the city is in much better order these days, but back in my time it was quite the mess.  I lost track of the number of times our firm was called on to deal with them.”

“Deal with them?” Mattie prompted. 

“Why yes,” Cassandra nodded regally.  “If you only knew the number of good, upstanding alphas that were lured with the scheme.  The breeders would use their pheromones to tempt even the most well-bred of alphas, an effective honeytrap.  I must have dealt with dozens, maybe hundreds I would dare.”

Breeders.  She wouldn’t even use the word ‘omega’.  She just called them ‘breeders’.

“And how would you deal with them?” Mattie asked, her tongue feeling thick.

“Well, the most effective way was to wait for them in the hospitals,” Cassandra smiled slightly, as though sharing a good joke.  “You see, if you attempted legal action before, or even after, they would often attempt to slip away.  It can be difficult to locate a breeder if they don’t want to be found.  Their laziness made them used to not working, and they would often let their leases lapse and simply stay with friends or families off the grid, as it were.”

She sniffed again.

“I shudder to think of how many landlords were deprived of their rightful rent.”

Mattie waited, watching.

“Even if they did remain, the stress would sometimes affect the child.  Those poor things, no matter how depraved their parents were, many came from good families and deserved a better chance at life.  But the hospital, you could always guarantee they would show up when it was time to birth,” Cassandra continued, idly stirring her tea.  “They would feel safe there, and let their guard down.  They would be able to complete their full pregnancy, and then, once they’d delivered, you could corner them quite easily.”

“That sounds…” Mattie began, before she choked on her words. 

“Yes, rather ingenious,” Cassandra smiled quietly.  “It was my own contribution to battling their depravities.”

“So as soon as they gave birth, their babies would be taken, and they would find themselves confronted with the lawyers?” Mattie whispered, having trouble breathing.

“Indeed.  Most of them were quite reasonable.  After all, the whole point of luring some alpha into impregnating them was so they could get their deplorable pay off,” Cassandra sniffed.  “Some of them would pretend to be reluctant, but they usually simply required a firmer hand and perhaps a larger compensation.  Your birther, she must have been quite experienced schemer.  For a minute, I almost thought she was going to refuse entirely.”

Mattie swallowed hard, and the other alphas and omegas, the sensitive, in the room quietly cleared out, pulling the non-sensitive staff with them.  Cassandra noticed her silence, and seemed to discern that Mattie was distressed.

“I’m sorry you had to hear this from me, dear,” she patted Mattie’s hand comfortingly.  “No one likes learning of the ill deeds committed by someone of their blood.  Still, it was fortunate your mother was so willing to assist.  It was rather ingenious, to claim a bond mate status.  As though my daughter would actually bond with something so wicked.  When she mentioned the idea, I knew right there that she was truly my daughter.  We were able to use that tactic many times in the future.  Claiming to be bonded allowed us to threaten repossession of the breeders and their family’s assets if we filed for separation.”

Mattie tried to envision it, to imagine what her mega-mother had been feeling.  Her bond mate who had rejected her claimed the bond solely for the purpose of tearing her newly birthed pup from her hand.  The thing which was supposed to be the happiest moment of Vi’s life weaponized and used to make the worst moment instead.

“Still, she caved in the end.  Simply made some overly dramatic threats, before finally seeing the writing on the wall.  Though for the life of me, I can’t understand what her angle was, getting those suppressants.  Most likely planned to use them to get high.”

To have to weigh her future with her child with the safety and wellbeing of the rest of her family, to believe that no matter what choice she made, she would lose something irreplaceable…

“Well, it was most likely for the best.  I’ve heard that those medications can be quite nasty.  If she wanted to slowly kill herself chasing dragons, then it just goes to show that some animals just can’t be saved.  Still, she managed to give us you, so I suppose we should find it in ourselves to forgive her…”

“I need to use the restroom,” Mattie stood abruptly, and Cassandra blinked in surprise. 

“Well don’t let me hold you dear.  I’ll have the staff bring some brunch.”

Mattie left the room at a run, and only just made it to the toilet before she threw up.

She recalled the ending of the story that Caitlyn had told her last night.

***Scene Break***

“Caitlyn, please!” Vi begged.  Begged, tears streaming down her face.  Begged Caitlyn. At the beginning of the confrontation, she had been sweaty, flushed with the glow of new mother hood.  Now she was pale, sickly.  Now she was begging.

‘I’ve done this,’ Caitlyn realized, the taste of bile at the back of her throat.  ‘I made this proud woman beg.  I’ve made her this desperate.’

“Not Iris, anything but Iris,” Vi tried to reach across the table, tried to grab Caitlyn, but was stopped by a large suited man.  “Please, Caitlyn!  Not Iris!”

They were the only two sensitive in the room.  Cassandra had assured Caitlyn that these scenes could get messy, and that it was better to have betas handle the negotiations.  She had warned Caitlyn that she had seen some alphas cave, and that she had to be strong.

It had been cold comfort to be warned.  Vi’s pheromones slammed into Caitlyn like a wall.  A typhoon of desperation, of need.  Every bit of Vi’s physiology was attempting to convince Caitlyn not to do it, to relent.

Caitlyn couldn’t say anything, but it wasn’t due to her mother’s warning or her own discipline. 

She had done this.  This omega, her bond mate, Caitlyn had been the one to drive her here, to make her this desperate, to have ruined her this much.  Every instinct in Caitlyn’s body was screaming at her that she was supposed to protect the omega in front of her, that she was supposed to help her.  Not to hurt them.  Not to corner them. 

It wasn’t just Vi’s crippling need for aid, but the fact that Caitlyn had been the one to place in her in this position.  The two combined, digging into Caitlyn’s own alpha instincts, screaming at her that she was a failure, that she was worthless, that no real alpha would ever let something like this happen to their omega.

“Your decision, Ms. Lane,” Cassandra rolled her eyes pointedly, dismissing the confrontation as mere theatrics.  She pushed the sheafs of papers, the agreements which would destroy any chance Vi had of being a mother to her child.

Vi stared at Caitlyn, desperately looking for anything, any support, any sign of relenting on this course.

Caitlyn wanted to give it to her, but was too paralyzed by her own instincts. 

This… this was all just temporary, Caitlyn reminded herself.  Just to gain custody of her child.  In a few years, she could meet Vi again, explain, invite her to meet their child.  It’s more than Vi was going to do when she cut Caitlyn off from her own pup, more than she was going to offer to Caitlyn…

Vi realized that Caitlyn wasn’t going to say anything.  She sagged, her head sinking into her hands.  The room was silent except for the ragged ends of her weeping.

“I’ll sign them,” she whispered.

Her pheromones whispered her despair into Caitlyn, and she shivered.

“Glad to see you’ve seen reason,” Cassandra sniffed, but was interrupted by Vi as she continued.

“I’ll sign it, but I don’t want money.  I want suppressors.”

“Well, heat suppressors can certainly be provided…”

“Not just them.  Pheromones, senses, everything.  I’ve heard about them, and they exist, right?  Chemical betas?”

Caitlyn started, sudden panic running through her.  Yes, they existed, but they were incredibly dangerous!  Why would…?

“Why on earth would you want those?” Cassandra puzzled.

“Because,” Vi began her head coming up, but  her eyes locked on the table: empty.  Defeated.

I did this to her, Caitlyn whispered to herself again.  I did this to her, I did this to her, I did this to her…

“Because as long as I’m an omega, I won’t be able to stop loving her,” Vi admitted.

The knife in Caitlyn’s guts twisted.

“Thank you, Caitlyn,” Vi continued her tone empty.  “I thought you had already taught me my lesson when you rejected me.  That I could never be with my bonded mate, that no one would ever love me.  But when I found out I was pregnant, I thought that at least I could have a child.  That at least I could have a family, however small, to replace the one I lost.  At least I would have a daughter that would love me.

“But you make sure your lessons are learned, don’t you, Caitlyn Kiramman.  You had to take that hope as well.

“So, let me have this last dream.  I want to be able to hate you, and I can’t do that as an omega.  So.  Please.”

***Scene Break***

Mattie left her grandmother, left Cassandra’s house as soon as she finished emptying her stomach. 

A phone call came from her grandmother’s number after a number of minutes.

Mattie canceled the call, and blocked the number.  Then she turned off her phone entirely.

‘Where do you go, when all your idols are dead?’ Mattie wondered to herself.

All her life, Mattie had felt blessed.

Society itself wasn’t always just, but it was fundamentally fair.  It had opportunity to be better and was showing that potential as more and more civil liberties were enacted and injustices were condemned.

Her family was wealthy, yes, but also good.  They had spearheaded the fight for civil rights, a beacon for those who aspire to equality.  Their money might be old, but that didn’t mean it was a bad thing.  Rather, it gave them more opportunity, more chances, to do and inspire good in the world.

Besides the wealth, she had a family that loved her: her mother, her passed grandfather, and her grandmother.  Her mother was composed, and could be stern, but also was capable of warmth and love.  She always supported Mattie, showed her through her own actions right and wrong, and encouraged her to do right, to live true to herself.

Her grandmother was stiff, and might be too concerned with the family image, but was still someone who cared for her, who was a role model on how to comport oneself.  She came from another time, and naturally their generations would have different values, but still, at her most fundamental her grandmother was kind by nature.  Her grandfather had been jovial, friendly, and always had time to play with Mattie before his passing.

And it was all a lie.

The cruelty engrained in society was far greater than anything she had imagined possible.  Maybe the only reason improvement had even happened was because it was impossible for things to have gotten worse so the only way to change was to get better.

Yes, the Kiramman had championed the spearhead for civil rights, but why?  Because at one point they had profited off of it.  The Kiramman wealth was gained from defending alphas from their own poor decisions and oppressing the omegas who had no voice to speak for them, no one to defend them.  Her own mother knew right from wrong, but despite knowing had committed the greatest crime, the greatest injustice that Mattie knew of personally.

Her grandfather, to her knowledge, had done nothing, but that was perhaps the point: he had done nothing.  Had he even known, what his wife had been doing?  Did he care?  Or had he his own crimes, and he had just passed before they could come to light?

And her grandmother…

It was shocking to Mattie, that opinions like that could still exist.  She herself was a progressive, who believed in equality and social justice.  It just seemed so logical to her, so natural and obvious that it seemed insane that someone would hold a differing view.  She knew that prejudice still existed, but, perhaps arrogantly, she had always thought it must be the foolish or the stupid that perpetrated it, that any intelligent person would be able to see past it.

But to hear her own grandma… Cassandra, someone she had looked up to and was inspired by, so casually acting as though omegas were simply animals looking to use their bodies to ensnare and use alphas to their own benefit, talking as though her conclusion was obvious, and was inherently correct….!

Mattie felt sick.  Physically ill, just like she had been earlier.  How was she ever going to look Cassandra in the face again without feeling disgust?

Her mother, as well? 

Mattie had heard the story.  She knew logically how each step progressed, how each piece fit into the next.  Looking at the whole, she could even understand how each decision came to pass.

And yet, the story itself revolted her.  The thought that her own mother had done something so hideous, had ripped Mattie herself’s infant body from the hands of her mega-mother on the very day she had given birth…

Mattie felt adrift.  The points of the compasses of her life had all come unfixed, and they spun without rhyme or reason.

Mattie… Mattie wanted her mega-mother.

The mother who couldn’t stand the sight of Mattie because of what she represented, who she resembled.

Well.  Perhaps that could be changed.

She pulled over, stopping at a drug store to make her purchases.  After that, she turned on her phone long enough to locate a thrift store.  As she did, she saw that multiple texts had come from her mother.  She ignored them, and turned her phone off again.  A short drive later, she was in the racks of a thrift store, taking in the used clothes.  She had no idea what was appropriate so she selected some jeans and a t-shirt that looked like it would fit.

With her new collection, she hesitated.  Her first thought was to go home to get ready, but she stalled.

She didn’t want to be there right now: in the trappings she had been raised in, in the place that seemed to represent everything wrong that had happened in the past.

She didn’t want to see her al-mother right now.

Instead, she checked into a hotel.  It was still early afternoon, but she wasn’t planning on staying long.

In the bathroom, she took in the sight: herself, stripped down to her bra, her long blue hair falling down her back, over her shoulders.

She really did take after her al-mother.

Without hesitation, she reached up, taking one of the long locks of hair, and took the scissors in her other hands to them.

***Scene Break***

It was early evening by the time Mattie finished and arrived at The Last Drop.  She found parking with difficulty, several streets away.

At the door, she was stopped by a bouncer.

“Okay now, you know the rules,” he declared, rolling his eyes.  “This ain’t no alpha hook-up event.  If you don’t have a partner, you can’t come in.”

“I beg your pardon?” Mattie asked, blinking as she realized no, she didn’t actually know the rules.

He nodded over his shoulder, and Mattie belatedly realized there was a sign declaring ‘Omega Pride Nite’.  Over the bouncer’s shoulders, she realized she could pick up a heavy concentration of omega pheromones.

“Oh, dear,” Mattie grumbled.  Well.  Here she was all set to make a dramatic statement, and she found herself blocked by club event admittance rules.

The bouncer laughed, and Mattie wasn’t certain why.

“’Oh, dear’,” he imitated, and Mattie realized he was laughing at her Piltian accent.  “You’re not from around here, are you?”

“No, I’m not,” she sighed.  “I’m actually here to see the bartender.  I suppose I should ask, but is Vi here?”

The bouncer’s eyebrows raised, and he pursed his lips, impressed.

“Wow, you got a thing for that old battleaxe?” he nodded, impressed.  “Well, I suppose if you’re hunting for BMILFs, you won’t be bothering the megs.  You got enough for cover?”

“I presume so,” Mattie declared, and paid her entrance fee.  She hesitated, before finally asking.  “What precisely is a BMILF?”

“Beta mother I’d love to fu-.”

“Okay, thank you for your explanation,” Mattie cut him off, plunging into the bar in an effort to not hear the rest of his words.

Inside, Mattie could definitely tell why there was a soft ban on alphas for the event.  The room was packed full of omegas having a good time.  Many of them were intoxicated, and their pheromones were strong.  To an unscrupulous alpha, this would be a smorgasbord waiting to be sampled.  A few alphas were present, but they all seemed to have partners they were happy with and most were just watching the rest of the omegas partying with amusement.

Mattie ignored them, however, as she hadn’t come here to find a hook up.  Instead, she walked towards the bar, nervously.

Vi was there again.  When her eyes came up to scan the room they ran over Mattie and she tensed, but Vi’s gaze passed her without stopping. 

Mattie sighed, feeling strangely relieved that she had been passed over.  It meant her change had worked.

At the bar, she waited patiently as Vi finished off an order.  Without looking, Vi drawled, “And what do you need, sugar?”

“I was hoping for a conversation, actually,” Mattie offered.  Vi stiffened and turned to face her sharply.  Mattie could see the way Vi’s eyes widened in surprise.

Mattie’s hair had been cut short, in the closest approximation to a pixie bob that she could do on her own in with nothing but a pair of scissors and a hotel mirror.  In addition, she had, after several hours and many muffled curses, managed an almost complete bleach job on her hair.  She had also dressed herself in loose jeans and a t-shirt which proclaimed ‘I’m with stupid’ and had an arrow pointing to the side.

“Mathilda?” Vi asked, staring.  Mattie was pleased with her success.

“I prefer Mattie, actually,” she shrugged, suddenly self-conscious: of her appearance, her accent, her demeanor.  Suddenly, far more than the first time she had been here, she was nervous, nervous that she would say the wrong thing, or do the wrong action, that she would do something which would sour this second meeting.  “Or… if you want, perhaps Iris?”

Vi’s mouth clenched, and suddenly she was looking over Mattie’s shoulder, eyes narrowed.

“Not sure you should be here, muffin,” Vi told her, and Mattie shrugged.

“One of my friend’s studying law has assured me the restraining order is quite illegal and would not stand up in court,” she offered, hoping she was reading the reason for Vi’s recalcitrance correctly.  “It was most likely never even filed and simply shown for intimidation purposes.”

Vi’s eyes narrowed, and they darted to Mattie’s, taking in her words.  Mattie hoped the double meaning was clear: it was true that the restraining order was defunct, but more importantly, Mattie now knew about it.

She wasn’t the ignorant girl she had been when she stepped in here the first time.  Now, well, now she knew.

“And as for the NDAs, well they forbid discussing the events with uninvolved parties,” Mattie continued.  “As a participant, we’re not prevented from talking.  As for the other… documents,” Mattie grimaced, thinking to the declaration of incompetency and other demeaning forms that had once been forced on the woman opposite her, “well, I’ve reached the age of majority.  As I no longer require a guardian, they are no longer relevant to our interactions?”

Some of Vi’s tension started to relax.  She still looked like she was on edge, but at least she was looking directly at her, so Mattie waited, hopeful.

Finally, Vi snorted softly. 

“That has to be the worst die job I have ever seen,” she declared, nodding at the new haircut, and Mattie sighed in relief.

“I did it in a hotel room mirror,” she admitted, tugging at one of the short strands.  “I’ve never dyed my hair before.  How such a beastly process became popular is beyond me.”

“Let she who has never dip died cast the first stone,” Vi grumbled.  Some more of the tension began to ease out of her shoulders. 

Mattie smiled, and opened her mouth, and then closed it.  She could find nothing to say, no topic to bring up. 

She knew next to nothing about the woman in front of her.  And what she did know was horrible. 

Where did they go from here? 

“Why are you here, muffin?” Vi finally prompted, meeting her gaze.

“I honestly don’t know anymore,” Mattie admitted, slumping onto a bar stool.  “When I first came here, I just wanted to know if you really were my… my you know.  If you were than I suppose I wanted to know why you had left.  But now, well, now I know.  And now that I know, I want to get to know you, but how could I ever ask that?  How can I just waltz into your life now and expect that you want anything to do with me?”

Vi looked panicked and blurry for some reason, and Mattie realized she was tearing up

“Oh,” she sniffed, and that sniff unlocked another one, and suddenly she was bawling.

“It’s-it’s all my-my fault,” she sobbed.  “Its all my-my fault!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, muffin, easy,” Vi’s voice was the only thing Mattie could hear, and though she could barely see anything through the tears, she could make out her form as she jumped the counter, one hand coming to lightly grip her elbow and the other on her lower back, both rubbing it gently and simultaneously guiding her.  Her palms were large and warm, and Mattie instinctively surrendered to it, letting herself be gently led from the bar floor.  Vi continued to speak, her words indistinct but her tone low, calm, guiding.

Mattie could hardly keep track of her surroundings, because all she could think, over and over again, was how it was all her fault.

It had been her, after all, that had made her al-mom feel she needed to bludgeon her mega-mom with litigation.  It was her that had caused her mega-mom to start taking dangerous medication.

If she had never been born, than how much better would the world be?

After everything that she had heard, everything that had happened, how much better would the world, would her mothers be, if she had just never been conceived?  How much better would her mothers be if she had never been born in the first place?

She cried for what felt like hours, unable to make a coherent word as she wept.  It felt like it would last forever while she was doing so. 

But nothing lasts forever.  And as she hiccupped the last of the tears out, she took exhausted stock of her location.

She was in a large studio, the attic of the bar most likely judging from the sounds drifting below them.  The room was a combination of stark and eclectic.  Large swathes of it were completely barren, just empty wooden planks.  Dotted here and there were oases of functionality.  A television and couch with a coffee table were in one section, a pile of gym equipment in another, and another just had a computer perched on a desk next to a wastebin. 

Mattie herself was seated on a couch, however for some reason the couch had actually been placed within the studio’s kitchenette. 

‘What a ridiculous place for a couch,’ she noted absentmindedly.  Taking further stock of her position, she discovered a worn and warm blanket had been wrapped around her, draped over her head and shoulder.

Vi was in front of her, glancing between her and the stove she was operating.  When she saw Mattie’s bleary gaze, she perked slightly.  With dexterous motions, she took the pot and poured it directly into two waiting mugs. 

With quick steps marred only faintly by a limp, Vi sat herself down next to Mattie, and gently nudged her hands with one of the mugs.

Mattie took it, reading the ‘I used to be a people person, but people ruined it’ quote scrawled on it.

“Drink,” Vi told her gently, her voice soft but with a note of command.  “There aren’t many things in life that aren’t made better by hot chocolate.  A good cry is one of them.”

Mattie sipped the mug.  The hot chocolate was delicious, sweet and warm and spiced subtly enough that she couldn’t quite identify the mix. 

Vi sat beside her, putting enough space between the two that she could watch Mattie carefully, keeping an eye on her.

“I’ve seen a few good cries before, and I have to admit, that one was a doozy,” Vi continued, gently.   “You want to talk about it?”

Mattie hiccuped slightly, feeling a slightly a hysterical giggle.

“Well, there’s nothing really much to it,” she snorted.  “I just found out that my whole life is a lie, all the people I used to think were good are actually monsters, and that I’m the reason that something horrible happened.”

“Now, that last one is going to need some explaining,” Vi prompted raising an eyebrow.  The move highlighted a notched scar in it, right next to a piercing.  “Because I can’t really believe that anything horrible could ever happen because of you.”

“But it did, didn’t it?” Mattie retorted.  If she had more energy, it might have been confrontational, challenging.  But she just felt so warn and empty that it only came out as resigned.  “If I never existed, if I never happened, than mother… then Caitlyn would never have had grandma… Cassandra do all those terrible things to you.  If I never happened, than maybe someday Caitlyn and you would have been able to get together, and you two would have been happy, and you would never have had to give me up, or choose to chemically neuter yourself…”

Vi sighed again, rubbing a hand through her short hair.

“Okay, I’m going to have to stop you right there,” she interrupted, voice stern but gentle.  “I’m willing to say a lot of mistakes happened in the past.  I’m even willing to admit that some of them might have been mine.”

“But, Vi…”

“Hush, muffin,” Vi interrupted Mattie firmly.  “I’ve had twenty years to think, and why I don’t think a lot of what happened was my fault, I’m willing to admit that I could have handled things differently, made some decisions which didn’t dump gasoline on the fire.  I’m not trying to blame myself for what happened, but I can admit to how I contributed to them.

“But all that aside, I can safely say that if anyone in the whole mess was truly blameless, was absolutely innocent, it was without a doubt you,” she continued, reaching one hand up and gently placing it on Mattie’s shoulders.  “You don’t get to be blamed for being conceived, and you did nothing wrong about being born.  The life you lived as a result of those decisions, well, you had no choice in it.  So no, Mathilda Kiramman, I don’t want you to ever think that anything that happened is your fault.  Do you hear me?”

“How can I believe that, when you can’t even stand the sight of me?” Mattie whispered, staring deeply into her chocolate, and hoping she would find answers there.

“Ouch,” Vi winced.  “You remember that?  Well, take it as proof when I said I had my own part in everything as well: one thing about me is when I get tense, I lash out, try to take the offensive or hurt the person who hurt me.”   She sighed.  “It’s not always the best move.  I never thought you were actually going to walk into my bar, that I would ever actually meet you.  When you showed up, looking perfect and happy, and healthy, it was like a sock to my gut.  And then after you got drunk and I drove you home, it was all I could think about and I just got angrier and angrier.  By the time Kiramman… by the time your mother was there, I just wanted to hurt her.  I’m sorry that I used you to do it.”

“Do you mean that?” Mattie asked, eyes darting to take in Vi in brief flashes, afraid that looking too hard or too long would somehow ruin things, would cause the other woman to bolt, or to kick her out.

“Honestly, it took everything I had not to punch her in the face,” Vi sighed.  “And since I knew that would end up with me being arrested and all my things being taken, I just used the first thing I could think about, and since that whole night all I could think about was you…”

“Really?” Mattie asked, feeling something like hope.  “You were thinking about me?”

“Muffin, a day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about you,” Vi sighed, her tone tired.  “And I always thought that was all I was gonna ever have: my imagination.  And then you walked in, and all I wanted to do was hug you, but I realized that might make your mother confiscate my bar or have me arrested…”

“She won’t,” Mattie interrupted, desperate to make it clear to Vi.  “Like I said, the restraining order is fake, so she can’t really do anything about it…”

“Mattie, I don’t think it matters,” Vi cut her off, gently but with great certainty.  “If she wants something done, then it doesn’t matter if it’s legal or not, she’ll find a way to do it.”

“Mama, if she ever tries anything like that again, than I’ll stop her myself,” Mattie swore.  “I’ll make sure that nothing bad happens to you, no matter what.”

The words were out of her mouth before she even realized what she was saying, and when she realized just what she had said she blushed, and pulled the blankets around her tighter, hoping either she would fall through the floor and vanish or suddenly become invisible.

Vi froze for a moment, and then laughed softly.

“Well look at you,” she teased, the rubbing on her shoulder turning into a playful poke.  “Going all protelpha on me.  That might work on whatever doe-eyed omega you’re trying to date, but I’m afraid moves like that won’t work on me anymore, little missy.”

Mattie decided that if she had a preference, the ground opening up and swallowing her would be the best option.  She did NOT just go protelpha, protective-alpha, on her own damn mother.  That was like being a kid and telling your mother you were going to marry her someday. 

And suddenly, Mattie had a realization:

This is what it would have been like, if things had gone differently: if her mothers had worked out, if they had been a true bonded mate.

Vi would have been the one staying at home, watching over the house and pups.  She would have made warm snacks and sweet cocoa, and teased and played, but always kept an eye out.  If Mattie had fallen or skinned her knee, Vi would have been there to take care of her with large, warm hands, comforting words, and distracting sweets.

Vi would have been the one to tease her about her first crush all while helping her get ready to confess.  Vi would have been the one to comfort her with warm hugs and gentle pheromones after her first heartbreak.  When she graduated, she could almost imagine Vi looking proud, struggling not to tear up all while boldly claiming she wasn’t about to cry as she handed over a wreathe. 

From just this one, small interaction, Mattie felt as though she knew enough of the other woman to imagine a whole lifetime of moments, just like this.

She felt robbed.  As though someone had stolen all the potential memories she could have had, had ripped them away, and she had never even realized the hole they had left until this very moment when she had a taste of what could have been.

“I just don’t understand,” she whispered, sipping her chocolate.  “How?  How could anyone do something so cruel?  All my life, I thought my alpha-mother was a good person.  How could she do something like that?”

Vi sighed, leaning back on the couch.  The arm behind returned to rubbing small, soothing circles on Mattie’s back, over the blanket.

“You don’t have to be a bad person to be a dumbass, Mattie,” Vi told her.  “There are plenty of people who do dumb shit for all the right reasons and end up fucking everything up all the same.  In any given situation, there’s a million little things that make it up.  You can’t always know everything when you make a decision, you only know the pieces that are right in front of you.  And even if you don’t know about it, you can end up putting things in motion that you never expected.”

“Pieces you didn’t know?” Mattie sipped her coca, looking at her mother from the corner of her eyes.

“I had no idea Caitlyn would actually care about having a kid,” Vi admitted.  “She made it pretty clear that she didn’t care about being bonded and all it entailed.  When she told me to leave, I thought that was it, that I would never see her again.  I thought that even if she did find out, then maybe she would ignore it, or just make another bullshit offer to throw money at me again.  If I had known, shit, maybe I would have done something different?  Tried harder to keep it a secret maybe?  Or, I don’t know, see if maybe it changed anything?  Hell, if she had told me that she was willing to keep me around just for the baby, I probably would have taken it.  Told myself some bullshit like, ‘it’ll be a chance for her to learn to love me,’ or ‘maybe the baby will bring us together’.  You know, desperate needy omega shit.”

Vi sighed, sipping her own mug.

“And I certainly didn’t know about that racist ass sociopath you call a grandma,” she admitted wearily.  “Spirits, I only met her once, and she still makes my skin crawl.  If I had known that was around, I would have been a lot more cautious.”

Mattie thought back to her conversation earlier this day, about how Cassandra had shamelessly thrown around terms like ‘breeder’ and proudly admitted to targeting hospitals, and she shuddered herself.

“But that’s how it is: in the end I didn’t know, and now here we are.”  Vi shrugged again, her tone matter of fact, calm with the resignation of having accepted the unchangeable.

“It’s just not fair,” Mattie sighed.  “That’s not how things are supposed to go.  Bad things aren’t supposed to happen to good people.”

Vi was silent for a moment, and then snorted.

“That right there makes me happy that you turned out a good person,” Vi admitted, “but also makes me worried that someone might take advantage of you.  The world is dangerous for the naïve, muffin.”

“I am, maybe just a little,” Mattie pouted, before she sighed.  “But I feel a lot less naïve now than I did a week ago.”

“Makes me wonder how a cold as ice bitch like your mother managed to raise a little sweetie like you,” Vi muttered, before she grimaced.  “Shit, sorry.  I don’t wanna make our time together a bitch fest, or to do anything that makes it seem like I’m forcing you to pick a side or anything.  I don’t want our time together to be about that.”

Mattie was strangely grateful for Vi’s confession.  Despite everything that had happened, she still loved her al-mother.  The fact that Vi wasn’t trying to make this a matter of picking sides was a relief to her.

The gratitude in her pheromones was plain, and Mattie burrowed deeper into her blanket.  Vi was giving her a concerned look though.

“Are you okay?” she asked Mattie.  “I didn’t offend you or anything, did I?”

Mattie was confused, wondering what about her could possibly give the impression that she was offended when she smelled like…

It struck Mattie like a bolt, that it didn’t matter how she smelled.  Vi couldn’t detect it anymore.

It made her feel strangely lonely, that she wouldn’t be able to share her scent with her mother.

“I’m fine,” Mattie admitted, struggling to remember her beta interaction protocols.  All pheromone sensitives had to eventually learn to deal with the nose deaf, so it was something everyone learned how to do.  She had just forgotten that she had to do so now.  So much of alpha and omega communication was done with their pheromones that misunderstandings with betas could happen all too easily.  She had to remind herself to speak up more.  “And I appreciate it.”

“What are you thinking about, muffin?” Vi’s voice brought her from her thoughts.

“Everything,” Mattie responded.  “There’s just so much to take in, to come to terms with.  There’s just so much about people I thought I knew that I’m realizing I didn’t know at all.  And I want to know more about you, but I’m not sure if I deserve to, or if you even want me to.  And I have no idea what is going to happen next.  It’s just so… overwhelming.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Vi asked, her tone soft, soothing.

“Can I scent you?” she asked before she even realized it.  The hand on her back went still.

“Muffin, I’m suppressed,” Vi told her softly.  Mattie shook her head.

“No,” she disagreed, before correcting herself.  “I mean, yes, you are.  But when you were taking me home, when you were supporting me and my nose was right next to you, I could smell your pheromones.  They’re so weak that I don’t think they can be projected, but they were still there.  They were warm…”

“Huh,” Vi muttered.   “Well, ‘suppressed’ doesn’t mean ‘eliminated I guess…”

“So is it okay?” Mattie asked softly, not making eye contact and feeling like she was five years old, asking her al-mom if it was okay for Mattie to sleep in her bed because there was a monster in her closet.

Vi hesitated before she scootched over.  Lifting the edge of the blanket, she lifted it so she could join Mattie under it.  She awkwardly put an arm over Mattie’s shoulder.

Immediately, the warmth of her embrace swept through Mattie.  The same instincts she had felt before were telling her that she was safe, that she was with family, and just like she used to when she was a pup, she found herself burrowing down, sinking into the embrace and the blanket.  Her arms wrapped around the strong frame of mother, and she burrowed her nose into Vi’s side.

Immediately, she was able to find the scent she had found before.  It should have been embarrassing, practically rubbing her nose on the other woman, but the sensation of peace and safety was simply too enticing.  Maybe if she had grown up with it she would have developed an immunity to it, or at least a resistance, but with this being only her second exposure and so she found herself getting lost in the scent, a wave of drowsiness coming over her.

Absentmindedly, nearly unconsciously, she began to emit pheromones of contentment. 

Softly, as though from a distant place, she heard Vi begin to sing a lullaby.

“Dear friends across the river…”

Mattie fell asleep in the arms of her omega mother for the first time in her life.

***Scene Break***

When Mattie woke, it was to an unfamiliar room.  She blinked at first, recognizing that she was on a couch in a large open space with a slow rhythmic grunting happening somewhere behind her.  She felt like she should be panicking, but couldn’t reach that state through a drowsy lingering contentment.

She sat up, and when she saw Vi over by the exercise equipment working her way through a set of weighted lunges she remembered where she was.

“Good morning,” she yawned, and Vi glanced over and gave her a small smile. 

“Good morning,” Vi grunted back, continuing her reps.  “Hope you don’t mind, but it doesn’t feel right to break routine…”

Mattie grinned crookedly. 

“No, I get it,” she admitted, before glancing down at her own outfit and then shrugging.  “Do you mind if I join you?”

Vi’s smile turned into a grin.

Chapter Text

what the word ‘irrevocable’ means

It was late in the afternoon, almost the evening, when Mattie finally returned to the manor.  She was smiling, humming to herself, nearly skipping in her good mood.

She had spent the entire day with Vi.  After their workout, they had cooked together and eaten.  After that, Mattie had joined Vi in taking care of some paperwork and orders for the bar, Vi grumbling over the fact that despite having been doing the paperwork for years somehow Mattie turned out to be better at it then her.  They had taken an early dinner at a local diner that Vi swore had the best shrimp po’boys in the world and Mattie had been forced to agree.

Mattie had been helping Vi open the bar for the evening when she had eventually been shooed off, reminded she would need to go home at some point.

Conversation had started stilted, but slowly grew more comfortable.  Throughout the day Vi had shared stories and jokes, and Mattie had laughed and shared her own stories.

It had been wonderful.  In just one day, Mattie felt like she had managed to fit in years’ worth of experience with her mega-mother, to have begun to develop a relationship that would last years longer.

It had felt like a dream, and it was one that Mattie didn’t want to wake up from.

“Mattie, is that you?” Caitlyn’s voice interrupted her reverie, but even the sudden return to reality didn’t completely remove her good mood.  “Mattie, where on earth have you been?  I’ve been trying to call you for hours.  I was worried sick!”

Mattie realized that she had been so busy living the day, and then reliving it over and over, that she had completely forgotten that her phone was turned off.

Concerned pheromones proceeded her mother, and in response Mattie released soothing ones.

“I’m fine mother,” she called.  “After the conversation with gran… with Cassandra I simply needed some time to myself.”

“While I can understand that, do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?” Caitlyn’s tone was reassured, but still chiding and Mattie could hear her approaching.  “Where have you been…”

Caitlyn trailed off as she finally entered the foyer, and Mattie suddenly remembered her new appearance.  She had been so involved today that she hadn’t even thought of it once.

“Mattie, what on Runeterra did you do to your... to your…” Caitlyn began, plain shock on her face as she took in her altered daughter.  Mattie shrugged sheepishly, expecting a berating.

Instead, she could see the exact moment where her mother made the connection.  Caitlyn had clearly been gearing up for a proper dressing down when suddenly her eyes widened, then closed tightly.  Her face pinched and she took a shaky breath.  A now familiar tinge leaked into her pheromones.

Mattie swallowed, and realized she had absolutely no idea what to say.

She suddenly felt inexplicably guilty.  Mattie had never been the most prolific of daters, only having had a few relationships in her past, and she had always been faithful when she was in one, but if she had ever actually cheated on one of her partners and been discovered, Mattie was willing to believe that this would have been exactly how it felt.

It was ridiculous, she knew.  She had every right to get to know her other mother.  She had a lifetime with Caitlyn, after all, and only one real day with Vi so far, so it wasn’t as though she had done anything wrong…

But with Caitlyn standing in front of her, her mother’s pheromones bitter and slightly betrayed, and somehow resigned, Mattie still felt like she had somehow been caught being unfaithful.

Caitlyn’s frame sagged, and she wordlessly turned and left the foyer.  Uncertain, but feeling as though she had betrayed an expectation, Mattie hesitated before she followed.

Caitlyn’s destination ended up being the sitting room where they had spoken two nights ago.  Her goal ended up being an increasingly familiar bottle of whiskey, already open and resting next to a half full tumbler. 

Mattie looked on uncertainly as Caitlyn took a seat, picking up the tumbler and pulling from it.  Her mother had never been an excessive drinker, only ever enjoying at events and sometimes to celebrate.  On those occasions she had been a moderate drinker.

Then again, Mattie reasoned, it was very much not a normal time.  As the silence stretched, Mattie felt the discomfort grow.

Finally, Caitlyn broke the silence.

“How is she?”

Mattie was surprised by her tone.  Caitlyn’s voice was soft, but it was laced with longing and quiet desperation for an answer.

“She, she seemed fine,” Mattie replied, though her tongue felt too thick for her throat.  “She was active, and we worked out together in the morning.  The bar she owns seems to be doing well.  When we went for lunch, she seemed popular and well known in the community.”

It was the truth.  When Mattie had first met Vi, she had thought she was a woman who had lived a hard life.  The thought had only been reinforced when they had worked out together.  It seemed like every exercise they did drew a wince in some way or another: a shoulder that didn’t raise all the way, an elbow that didn’t straighten, a limp in one leg.  Despite that though, Vi had been energetic and her routine thorough. 

When they had gone to the diner, Vi had been greeted often by passersby.  She would joke with one, ask about the family of another, comment on some upcoming event at The Last Drop.  It was evident that Vi was very active in the community, and either well liked or respected by many. 

“Good,” Caitlyn whispered, one hand coming up and whipping at an eye quickly.  “I’m happy that she’s doing so well.”

Mattie swallowed, and for what felt like the first time in days, really looked at her mother.

Caitlyn’s tone had held a defeated edge, and she had dark rings around her eyes indicating lack of sleep.  Her eyes still had the redness of periodic crying, and even though it had only been a few days since this whole chain of events were set in motion, her cheeks looked a little hollower.  Mattie realized that her mother must not have eaten in the last few days.

Add in the nightly drinking, and Mattie had a sudden realization.

“Mom,” she began slowly, already knowing the answer.  “Mom, are you okay?” 

Caitlyn was quiet for a moment, swirling her whiskey before she gave a listless shrug.

“Does it matter?” she asked back in the same tone.

“Mom, I’m serious,” Mattie insisted, moving to sit beside her mother.  Slowly, she reached out to take her hand.  Caitlyn didn’t respond, her hand remaining slack in Mattie’s. 

“So am I,” she murmured.  “Really, does it matter how I am?  I made a terrible mistake, and I deserve to pay for it.  I deserve it that Vi will never speak to me again.  I deserve it if you never speak to me again.  I deserve to be alone…”

“Mother,” Mattie interrupted, surprised by the confession.

It had been so easy to focus on what had happened to Vi, so easy to gather her outrage and judgment.  And Vi deserved to have those felt for her, she was the victim after all.  But even if being a victim needs a villain, it wasn’t so easy for Mattie to pin that role on the ones who had committed the act.  Well, on Cassandra it had been easy: her grandmother’s complete lack of repentance, her obvious pride in the act, and her blatant racism had made her easy to cut off.

But Caitlyn was different. 

Mattie had heard Caitlyn’s explanation, had smelled the truth of it in her pheromones, heard it in the way she had made no attempt to justify her actions or excuse herself but simply accepted that she had made a mistake and hurt someone. 

No matter what Mattie felt about Cassandra, she couldn’t muster the same vitriol for her mother.

And apparently, she didn’t need to, because Caitlyn was feeling it for herself.

“I deserve to be alone,” Caitlyn repeated.  “I deserve to be punished.  I knew it was a mistake, but I went through with it anyway.  All I ever did was hurt her; all I did was cause her pain.  I deserve to be alone like the failure I am…”

“Failure?” Mattie repeated, brow furrowing.  Hearing the word, Caitlyn’s lower lip wobbled, and Mattie was suddenly certain she was about to burst into tears.  However, Caitlyn swallowed, and she managed to compose herself.

Her face anyway.  Her pheromones sung a symphony of self-loathing.

“What else am I suppose to be?” Caitlyn laughed bitterly, and drained her whiskey before reaching to pour more.  “An alpha is supposed to protect, it’s their instincts to protect.  I always hated my biology, hated how much control over me it had.  Well, I suppose I’ve beaten it quite thoroughly by now.  Rejected by my bond mate, doing nothing but hurting her instead of protecting her?  In the end, I managed to do the exact opposite of everything my instincts were supposed to drive me to do.  To victory, over our own selves.”

Caitlyn raised the tumbler mockingly, before throwing it back violently.

Mattie had no words, at that moment, as she digested her mother’s drunken rant. 

She was right, Mattie realized.

Just as omegas were hardwired to be more submissive, alphas were often driven to be protective.  Alphas could get violently territorial over things that they felt were theirs, more so over partners that they felt they had claim to.  It was so well documented the behavior even had the joking nickname of ‘protelpha’.

So what must it have been like for Caitlyn, all these years?  The last time she had seen her bond mate, Caitlyn had been the source of the greatest threat Vi could have faced.  Her last memory of Vi, of her bond mate’s pheromones, were of desperation and pleading that Caitlyn had deliberately ignored.

Alphas were known to be prone to melancholy or depression if they perceive that they had been inadequate in the protection of their mates or friends.  What the hell must Caitlyn have been feeling then, all these years?

The only thing that must have helped was Mattie herself, she decided.  Having something else to focus on, something else to protect would have helped.  But now, Mattie had learned about Caitlyn’s shame, was showing signs of drawing away from her, was instead drawing closer to the source of her regret.

“Do you know what the word ‘irrevocable’ means?” Caitlyn continued in a soft, resigned tone.  “It’s something which can’t be changed, reversed, or reconsidered.  It means something is final.  In law, the term isn’t used that much because no lawyer likes something which can’t be changed.  What’s good for your client right now might not be good in the future.  You have to be able to keep the future in mind.”

Mattie listened silently, not sure what point Caitlyn was trying to make as she paused to drink again.

“In law school, they had always emphasized the importance of avoiding irrevocable acts,” Caitlyn continued.  “They said the only time to make something irrevocable was in estate planning, when you knew someone was going to die, and wanted the estate to be unchangeable, to be final.  I suppose that was the lesson: irrevocable things were death of all the other possibilities.  I wish I had paid more attention back then.  I wish I had realized that some choices in life were irrevocable as well.  That they killed off any potential, and removed any chance.  That they were final.”

Mattie made the connection.

“You’re saying that there is no way to make this right, is that it, mother?” Mattie asked softly, still rubbing the back of Caitlyn’s hand in what she hoped was a comforting way. 

“I think,” Caitlyn began quietly, “that I always thought there would be time.  Even though I turned down Vi when we met, I couldn’t keep her out of my thoughts, couldn’t leave her alone.  I think I knew, even then, that I wouldn’t be able to resist her.  She was just… just too perfect to resist.  I was determined to date elsewhere, to make my own choices, but even then, I knew that it was just a meaningless resistance.  Just a way to prove a point.  I was going to prove that I could ignore my biology, prove that I could make my own choices.  But in the end, I knew what was going to happen.”

Caitlyn took another sip, but realized her tumbler was empty and refilled it.

“After all, anyone else I dated, or anyone else I saw, I wouldn’t be able to resist comparing them to Vi, and I knew they would turn up second best.  Eventually, after I had proven that I could to the world, and proven to myself it was the best decision, I would have swooped back into Vi’s life and graciously accepted her like the benevolent alpha I thought I was.”

The pure derision in her tone made it clear to Mattie that Caitlyn herself had already long identified the arrogance and selfishness, and was mocking them as the pretentious bullshit they were.

“When I learned about the pregnancy, it did nothing but slightly adjust the timetable of how I saw my life proceeding,” Caitlyn continued, snorting.  “’Oh dear,’ I thought to myself.  ‘I’m about to be an alpha-mother.  I suppose it’s my responsibility now.  Oh well, I guess I better relent and take her in earlier than planned.’  Oh, how compassionate of me!  Oh, how lenient!  I suppose I have my cake, I might as well eat it too.”

Caitlyn’s words were clinical, her tone almost calm.  They were made a lie by the state of her pheromones, and Mattie was bathed in the sheer repulsion that her mother felt for herself.

“But Vi wasn’t having any of it, was she?” Mattie prompted, digesting her mother’s confession.

“I think it was the first time in my life when things didn’t go my way,” Caitlyn whispered.  “The first time I couldn’t just dictate how things were going to go down and expect them to go exactly as planned.  It’s funny, but I always considered myself a calm person, was always certain that I would be able to remain cool under pressure, but the moment I actually felt any, I fell apart.  I was a panicked, stuttering mess, desperate to regain the control I was watching spill away from me…”

Another strong pull at the whiskey, another empty glass, another refill.  Mattie tracked the movement silently.

“You know,” Caitlyn continued, and it was only Mattie’s familiarity with her mother’s tone that let her notice the briefest beginning of a slur in her speech.  “When my mother proposed the plan, I still thought it would only be temporary?  I thought that I would prove a point, regain control of the situation, and once it was done, I would let some time pass and then show up, explaining it all away, still prepared to accept her despite everything…”

“Mother,” Mattie sighed, unable to keep the incredulous disbelief, the disappointment that Caitlyn’s confession spawned.

“Yes, that’s right,” Caitlyn’s smile was painful.  “I was a selfish, foolish, arrogant little bint.  It wasn’t until Vi requested the suppressants that I began to think that I had made mistake.  It was only then that I began to understand just what ‘irrevocable’ meant, and what an irrevocable decision entailed.”

“Putting aside the many terrible, terrible factors behind your decision,” Mattie began slowly.  “Did you ever actually follow through?  With your intent to talk to her?  To explain?”

Because that was the crux of it.  No matter how terrible the decision, it had always been Caitlyn’s intention to someday explain them, to try and make up for them.

Had she ever done so?”

Caitlyn’s laugh was low and helpless.

“Yes, actually,” she confirmed.  “I did try.”

***Scene Break***

Caitlyn was a mess.

She had been for over a year and a half at this point.

Whenever she closed her eyes, all she could see was Vi: Vi’s desperation, Vi’s despair.  All she could remember was the overwhelming anguish of her pheromones: pheromones that had been so beautiful, so calming at first rendered into knives that stabbed into Caitlyn’s memory, poisoning any attempt to think about Vi with the truth of Caitlyn’s overwhelming failure as an alpha to protect her, especially from herself.

The knowledge that she herself was the cause of Vi’s most painful moment meant that Caitlyn could find no rest, no respite.

Caitlyn had taken a sabbatical from work, citing the need to look after her new pup.  And she did, but it was also because there was no way she could concentrate long enough to actually perform her job even if there was no infant to consider.

It didn’t help that Mattie was proving a difficult infant.  She would cry, frequently, and there was nothing Caitlyn herself seemed to be able to do to calm her.

The doctor’s had informed her that it was lack of maternal omega pheromones.  It wasn’t a danger to the child, that an infant would grow and be healthy without them, but it was something they instinctively craved and the lack of would cause them to show colicky symptoms. 

Once she had been told this, the cries of the baby all sounded like wails of, ‘Where’s Vi, Caitlyn?  What have you done with Vi?  What did you do to her?’

Caitlyn had trouble sleeping, even when Mattie’s crying wasn’t a factor.

She had wanted to search out Vi since almost immediately after she had signed the legal documents.  But Caitlyn had been well aware that would be a horrible choice.  There was little chance that she would be able to get a word in, so soon after the event.  There was also a very real chance that she might be attacked by Vi’s family. 

Jinx had threatened to kill her for pheromone locking Vi.  What would she do for taking Vi’s baby?

Caitlyn had given thought to finding Vi a year afterwards, but also thought it was a poor time.  It would have been Mattie’s birthday, and who knew what Vi was going through at the thought of her child’s first birthday without her?

She had finally decided that eighteen months was sufficient.  It was long enough to have calmed down, long enough for Caitlyn to have made her point, that she was in charge, that she would not let Vi keep her out of Mattie’s life.  It was time to broach the topic of having Vi involved, of having her help to raise Mattie.

Maybe even enough time to discuss how they were going to handle being bonded, Caitlyn thought.  Things had changed, after all.  Vi wasn’t just some random omega off the street that nature had proclaimed was hers.  She was now the mother of their child.  That meant something more.

Yes, Caitlyn was aware that at this point she had made the most horrible impression possible, that she had burnt just about every bridge that existed or potential bridge that could ever be built.  She was aware of just how hard the upcoming months were going to be, if they were going to proceed together in any form.

Caitlyn had thrown herself into the expected upcoming negotiations as though she were preparing for the most important court case of her life.  Which, in a way, wasn’t that far off.

She had prepared herself for every argument, for every possible point of contention.  She had imagined every confrontation, every accusation, and prepared her counter argument.  She had considered every possible demand that might be made, and what concessions she would consider acceptable.

Theoretically, that was absolutely no way that the upcoming confrontation could end poorly for Caitlyn.  All that was left was to proceed and make use of the preparations as she needed to in order to guide this whole mess to a successful resolution.

In reality, she was a paralyzed mess, one sudden move away from breaking down sobbing in anxiety.

She was parked in a new car, one that wouldn’t be recognized from her previous trips when she was trying to talk to Vi during the pregnancy.  She didn’t want the car to be recognized by anyone that might interfere with the upcoming talk.  Her hair was concealed behind a baseball cap, and she was wearing large aviator glasses to conceal her eyes and good portions of her face.  She didn’t want Vi to see her coming and storm away.  She had to get close enough to actually speak, to relay her case.

If she was being honest with herself, she had to hope to get close enough for Vi to scent her pheromones.  Because nothing, no words or actions she might try, nothing would reveal her honesty and her sincerity then her scent right now.

Caitlyn was a mess, and she couldn’t even attempt to conceal that from the world right now.  The last memory of Vi haunted her, and she couldn’t stop her body from wanting to make up for it, from wanting to undo it.  She knew she had made a mistake, one she needed to rectify, and for all her planned arguments and negotiation points, she would throw those out and do anything Vi asked if it meant even a chance to make up for it.

The smell was so overpowering in her car that she had to crack the windows open in order to keep herself from being suffocated with it.  As it was, random passersby had been stopping, shivering, giving her looks of empathy, of encouragement, signals wishing of good luck.

‘Well,’ she noted morbidly, ‘I must be quite pitiful if even strangers are feeling sorry for me.  Maybe that will be enough for me to start talking…’

So absorbed with her self-misery, she almost missed it.

A flash of pink, coming up the road.  Vi, walking next to a small group of people Caitlyn didn’t recognize.

Despite herself, Caitlyn froze.  Her mind was completely blank.  It was too soon, she wasn’t ready, she hadn’t figured out what she was going to say, and oh spirits, what if Vi wouldn’t even listen…!

The unexpected stress caused her to produce even more pheromones, her body a factory pumping out her regret, her need to apologize and make right. 

Several in the group with Vi shuddered, and gave her looks of encouragement, their bodies interpreting her distress and without knowing who this stranger was they hoped she would be able to make right on whatever it was she regretted so fiercely.

Vi… walked by without a second look.

Caitlyn was frozen as it set in.  She hadn’t known that Vi was coming, hadn’t been able to scent her despite the fact that when they had first met she had been able to smell Vi from probably a hundred feet or so.  Even as she walked by, if Caitlyn wasn’t looking at her, she wouldn’t believe that Vi was there.

And despite the potency of her own pheromones, despite the fact that random strangers were being moved to offer support, Vi never even noticed.

In a series of moments that lasted several lifetimes, Vi passed Caitlyn by without a glance.

Caitlyn could do nothing but stare blankly, unable to comprehend.

And then she did.

This.  This is what Vi had wanted when she had demanded suppressants.  There would have been no way for Vi to ignore Caitlyn, to be able to dismiss her, to be able to refuse her as an omega, a bonded one at that.  Their compatibility was so great, their pheromones so sensitive and aligned that it was impossible for them to misunderstand or avoid them.  No words could ever express how sorry Caitlyn was, how desperate she had become, and she had been hoping to communicate beyond words, to be able to express herself directly as only an alpha or an omega could ever hope to do.  No beta could ever understand the depth of communication scent provided.

And Vi had erased her. 

She had removed that influence completely, ensured that Caitlyn no longer had the connection of a bonded alpha, had made herself someone that wouldn’t even be able to register it.  She had ensured that Caitlyn would never be able to express herself, and that Vi would never be able to understand her.

Just as Caitlyn had initially rejected the bond, so too now had Vi.  Only where Caitlyn had paid lip service to the rejection, had unconsciously even to herself thought that her rejection would inevitably change, Vi had made sure that hers never would.

An alpha couldn’t bond with a beta.  So, Caitlyn was no longer bonded with Vi.

Vi had rejected her completely, Caitlyn realized.  Caitlyn had lost her forever.

***Scene Break***

Mattie was silent.  Caitlyn was staring at something, some point in the distance beyond the walls of the sitting room.  At her side was a freshly poured tumbler of whiskey, sitting forgotten during Caitlyn’s retelling of the doomed attempt to make things right.

Still wordlessly, Mattie stole the tumbler from Caitlyn’s slack fingers.  She threw it back herself.

Mattie… Mattie had no idea what to say.

‘The story of Caitlyn and Vi,’ Mattie decided as the whiskey burned down her throat, ‘was one of endless bad timing and foolish poor choices.’

Their first meeting, where one wanted to embrace fate and the other wanted to choose it.  Neither option was wrong, neither was cruel, they were just ill matched.

When Vi had ended up pregnant, it was true Caitlyn had used her power as an alpha to try and force Vi, an act which was terrible and still something that Mattie had trouble wrapping her head around.  But in return Vi had used her own power, the power of her community to attempt to cut Caitlyn off entirely, to deny her access to their child.

And later Caitlyn had used her authority and wealth to deprive Vi of her daughter.  And in return Vi had used her own resources to deny Caitlyn in her entirety, forgoing any attempt to reconcile.

Mattie could say with certainty that between the two of them, it was Caitlyn who was wrong.  From the beginning, it was her choices that had started the two of them down their ill-fated path.  But it was hard to blame her entirely.  She was still the woman who had raised Mattie for twenty-two years, still the stern but kind woman that had raised her with love, and done her best to make sure that Mattie turned out a good person. 

She had explained herself to Mattie, and while Mattie couldn’t condone, she could at least understand why Caitlyn had made her decisions.  Mattie loved her, and maybe that added to it, but despite everything Mattie felt she could forgive Caitlyn her mistakes.

Though it seemed of the three involved, she was the only one willing to do so.  In Mattie’s eyes the only person who less likely to forgive Caitlyn than Vi, was Caitlyn herself.

But it was also like Vi had said, that Vi had made her own choices as well, and not all of them had been the best. 

After everything, Mattie couldn’t begrudge Vi her grudges.  It was clear just how much Caitlyn regretted what happened, from the bitter tinge that had always came whenever Mattie had asked about Vi before, and even clearer from the confrontation just two days ago when Vi had taken Mattie home.

And, in a moment that made her feel like an idiot, she realized that to Vi, it was not clear at all. 

As a bonded mate, Vi had thought herself to be too vulnerable, too exposed to Caitlyn’s influence, a fear that had probably been planted when Caitlyn had used them to question her about Mattie’s alphahood.  The last time she had seen or scented Caitlyn was when her alpha-mother had been taking Mattie. 

During the confrontation when Vi brought her home, Mattie herself had nearly been overwhelmed with the strength of Caitlyn’s remorse, a clear sign of regret that she had understood even before she had gotten the whole story.  It was maybe because she already knew how deeply Caitlyn regretted that she had been willing to accept her mother’s retelling of the events without being skeptical of how truthful or complete she was being.

If Vi hadn’t been nose deaf, Mattie had no doubt that the omega would have been effected in some way.

Which, Mattie also realized, was exactly the reason that Vi had chosen to become so: because she didn’t want for Caitlyn to have that kind of influence over her.

But it also meant that Vi did not know that Caitlyn regretted it at all.

Mattie struggled to recall the confrontation.  She remembered it only vaguely, but from what she could recall Caitlyn had kept her tone formal throughout.  To a beta, she would have seemed calm and collected.  But to any gender that could scent, her pheromones painted a different picture, one of shame and penance.

And Vi would have no idea.  To her, Caitlyn must have looked completely unrepentant.

And Mattie had to ask herself: Would Vi even care?  Would she want to know, that the one who wronged her decades ago regretted it?

Which finally led Mattie to a conclusion, and with that conclusion a decision.

“You need to tell her you’re sorry, Mother,” she told Caitlyn, “and let her decide what to do from there.”

“There’s no point, Mattie,” Caitlyn sighed, fingers reflectively closing and discovering the theft of the tumbler.  She eyed it as though she would reach out for it.  “She’s made her decision, and I have to live with it.”

“Do you think she has, or have you decided that she has?” Mattie countered.  “She’s a beta now.  You know how betas are, if you don’t tell them out loud, they’ll never figure it out for themselves.”

“Mattie,” Caitlyn began, but Mattie cut her off.

“And it doesn’t really matter if she forgives you,” she continued.  “The important part is that she decides what she’s going to do and you abide by it.”

“Mattie, there just isn’t a point…”

“That’s precisely the point,” Mattie cut her off again.  She reached out, taking her mother’s hand, and she focused her pheromones, trying to impart Caitlyn’s need to hear her out.  Caitlyn hesitated, but stayed silent.

“Every single time you two have interacted, you’ve tried to take control,” Mattie told her.  “Deciding what to do about the bond, trying to decide what to do about the pregnancy, forcing the exchange of custody, even refusing to confront her afterwards.  I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve heard you say the word ‘I’ in the last few days.  ‘I decided’, ‘I worried’, ‘I considered’, ‘I’, ‘I’, ‘I’.”

Caitlyn’s eyes closed, a shudder going through her, her pheromones bitter with acknowledgment.

“You don’t know what Vi is feeling, what she wants,” Mattie continued, “and that’s what you should be focusing on providing.  Not what you think she needs, or what you think she wants: what she herself wants.  And you have to do it like you would with a beta: with your words.  And if nothing else, she deserves an apology.”

“Why would she ever forgive me?” Caitlyn whispered.

“She probably won’t,” Mattie admitted frankly.  “She’ll probably never forgive you, and tell you to leave forever.  And if that’s what she wants, you should do it.  But at least you’ll have said it to her.  She deserves that.  And at least you’ll know, instead of just deciding you knew and not doing anything.  I think… I think that knowing is the most important part.  No matter how bad it might get, I think it’s always better to know than to not.”

Caitlyn was silent, and Mattie put the tumbler back down, within reach.  She didn’t move for it as Mattie stood.  The last sight Mattie had of her mother before she headed upstairs to her room was of the older woman sitting, staring at the ground, both hands in her lap.

***Scene Break***

Caitlyn struggled in the silence left by her daughter’s departure.  Part of it was the struggle to keep from reaching for the glass and pouring herself another.  The lure of unconsciousness, to depart sobriety and all the woes and wounds it entailed for intoxication and the promise of Lethean relief was borderline overwhelming.

For years, Caitlyn had been able to ignore the past by focusing on the future.  She had been able to bury the memory of Vi in order to focus on Mattie: doing her best to raise her to be better than Caitlyn.  She had thought it was her duty to ensure that the sins of the past were not repeated in the future. 

And it appeared she had been successful.  Her daughter was free of so many of the misconceptions and beliefs that had been ingrained on Caitlyn growing up.  Her daughter was a good person who believed in justice and equality, who embodied fairness and compassion.

Caitlyn couldn’t be more proud, even if that very success was what had caused her other struggle, the one beyond the call of the bottle.

For years she had bottled up the past, and now that bottle had been thoroughly shaken, uncorked, and aimed directly at her unprepared face.

Vi.  Vi, Vi, Vi. 

For years, what had been left unsaid between the two of them had haunted Caitlyn.  What was it Vi had thanked her for?  ‘No matter how bad things are, they can always get worse?’

For years, Caitlyn had struggled to think of how that could ever be physically possible.  Now however, she had a clear view, a vision of the future that she could see writing itself even as she watched.

Mattie knew, now.  And naturally, she blamed Caitlyn.  She was right to, and Caitlyn was thankful, so very thankful, that Mattie had at least been willing to hear her side.  That Mattie appeared to be able to empathize and understand that even if Caitlyn had made the worst decisions possible, she hadn’t done it out of malice, just stupidity and fear.

Mattie didn’t appear to be making a move to cut Caitlyn out of her life, something which brought infinite relief to her.  But it was also obvious that Mattie would be moving to bring Vi into her life now.  It was obvious from the way she changed her hair, from how long she had been out the last day.

Mattie had a whole new parent to know, to discover.  A different perspective to explore, a different potential life branching out in front of her from the one that Caitlyn offered.

She would be around less, spending time with her omega-mother, and Caitlyn couldn’t begrudge her that.  In fact, she genuinely hoped that the two could discover something together, something beyond the ruins that Caitlyn had left. 

But it meant that Vi was in Mattie’s life now, and if Caitlyn was going to remain in her life too then she better be prepared for when their orbits’ eclipsed.

‘Perhaps the last few days of drinking myself to sleep had actually been good for something,’ Caitlyn decided as she suddenly stood.  ‘I would have to be at least this drunk to have the courage for this.’

With determined steps, Caitlyn retrieved her coat, purse, and keys. 

Even if she was doing nothing more than heading to the gallows, Caitlyn was determined to stand in front of Vi one more time.  Even if it was just so that Vi could tell her, officially, to never come back, if it was so she could scream or hit her, than Caitlyn was determined that this time, this time, she would give Vi what she needed, and not try to take what Caitlyn wanted.

Ten minutes later, she had backed her car into one of the decorative fountains and realized that with as many drinks as she had she was in no shape to drive.  She called a cab and stood outside the gates to the Kiramman manor, waiting to be picked up.

‘This isn’t auspicious at all,’ she groaned to herself.

Chapter Text

everyone who’s life is better

Later, after instructing the cab driver to pick up coffee on the trip, Caitlyn found herself in front of a building she had only ever seen from the outside: The Last Drop.

The times she had been here before she had been standing outside, barred by the owner, screaming and crying for Vi to come out, to see her, to give her a chance.

Now, feeling almost like she was out of her body and watching it move, she simply walked to the doorman and waited her turn to enter.

“Evening,” the bouncer greeted, grinning easily.  “Where’s your beta?”

“I beg your pardon?” Caitlyn asked, honestly confused by the question.

In response the bouncer chuckled, shaking his head before indicating a sign behind him proclaiming that tonight was ‘BBAM!  Beta-Buddy Awareness Meeting!  Promoting awareness of scented/unscented communication!’.

“’I beg your pardon’,” the door man repeated in a butchered attempt at her Hotchpiltich accent.  “Why do we keep getting the lost classy types?  Let me guess, you’re looking for Vi too?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact,” Caitlyn nodded.  The man blinked, studying her carefully, and then blinked again.

“Wait,” he began, the look of someone who thought they recognized someone famous but wasn’t quite sure if they were imagining it.  “You’re not Caitlyn Kiramman, are you?”

“I am,” Caitlyn admitted, keeping her face carefully blank, trying her hardest to hold on to her pheromones.  ‘This was it,’ she decided.  ‘This is the point that I’m recognized and banned entry, when even my attempt at making things right fails…’

“Damn,” the man whistled instead.  “THE Caitlyn Kiramman, godmother of the civil rights movement?  Man, talk about visiting royalty.”  Shaking his head, he eagerly pushed the door open.  “Come on in.  No cover!”

Pushing through the surreal greeting and even more inappropriate title, Caitlyn entered.

The insides of the bar were cozy: the furniture was worn, but well maintained.  There were enough tables to seat a crowd, but not too many that the interior felt crowded.  Groups of alphas and omegas were standing, but there was a high number of betas present.  People were laughing and chatting, some were conversing seriously, some were just drunk and making fools of themselves.  The atmosphere was overall good, cozy, comforting.  The pheromones in the air were an amalgam of comforting, interested, and happy.

Caitlyn could barely notice it.  The moment she had set foot in the bar her eyes had locked onto the pink head of hair as though it was a blackhole from which her sight could not escape.

Vi was chatting with an omega/beta duo, smiling politely, half turned to include another bartender in the conversation. 

Caitlyn swallowed, and wished desperately that she had spent more of the trip planning exactly what she was going to say.  She had in fact spent most of the trip psyching herself up, keeping herself committed so that she didn’t chicken out and run.

Watching her body from a distance, Caitlyn approached the bar.  Vi’s gaze found her when she was halfway there, and Caitlyn could see the moment the tension hit her.  Her conversation partners seemed confused when she suddenly cut herself off, and Vi gave them a quick glance and a forced smile, saying a few words.  Looking confused, the couple smiled and left.

The trip took forever and a day, but it was too quickly that Caitlyn found herself at the bar, standing opposite Vi. 

She looked so much older, Caitlyn realized.  Caitlyn was forty six, but a lifetime of resources and exercise had kept her looking more youthful, and she was aware she could pass for her late thirties.  Vi was the opposite.  She had more lines than someone her age should, looking more like she was in her fifties than forties, and she had a smattering of grey hairs that almost managed to remain hidden in the pink, unless you were looking for them.

Caitlyn had long experience suppressing the mantra the sight prompted: you did this to her, you did this to her, you did this to her…

“Well?” Vi finally spoke up after the two had stared at each other in silence for several minutes.  “What is it?”

The demand was short and curt, and it had the unspoken words ‘so I can get you out of my bar as soon as possible’ attached to it.

She doesn’t want me here, Caitlyn knew.  She almost left right then.  But she had come here for a purpose.

“I’m sorry,” Caitlyn finally admitted.  Her throat felt too dry, so she swallowed and tried again.  “I’m sorry for everything I did.  Is there any way I could ever make it up to you?”

She watched, committing every moment to the library of Vi that she kept in her head: the way Vi tensed, eyes widening in surprise, before they narrowed and her jaw clenched.  The way Vi’s fingers whitened around the glass they were polishing, before they unclenched almost reflectively.

The way Vi’s face shut down, becoming emotionless, studying her like she was a particularly unpleasant bug that had wandered in to her bar.

Caitlyn wanted to say something, anything, but even if this wasn’t about letting Vi control the conversation, she would have no idea what to say.  She would have probably started to blather on some inconsequential business chatter as though she were discussing a case with a client, or something equally inane. 

Finally, after yet another eternity, Vi seemed to deflate.  Slowly, she resumed whipping the glass in her hand, her expression distant.

“Twenty years ago,” Vi began softly, “If you had come in here and said that, I would probably have tried to kill you.  Like literally tried to beat you to death.”  Caitlyn nodded, unsurprised.

“Fifteen years ago,” she continued, “I would have been desperate.  That was back when I still thought I had a chance to raise Iri… Mattie.  I probably would have agreed to anything you said, anything you wanted to get that chance.

“Ten years ago, well, I would have been angry, but I would have listened.  I would have had a list of demands, things you needed to do to get your act together before I even considered the thought.  But I would have considered it, only if you showed you had the right attitude.

“Five years ago, well, I would have just shrugged, and told you to do what you want.  I don’t think I would have honestly cared, one way or another.

“But now?” Vi sighed, and put the glass down to scrub a hand through her hair.  “Now it’s just too late.”

Caitlyn shuddered, her mind desperately grasping onto Vi’s words, letting them paint pictures of what could have been. 

A dark, hateful side of herself wished she had the courage to do this fifteen years ago, when she could have taken advantage of Vi’s desperation, when she could have still pretended she was some benevolent rescuer coming down to relieve her omega of her desperation, never minding that she had been the one to drive her to that desperation in the first place.

She hated that side of herself.

A more hopeful side, grieved she hadn’t been brave enough to come ten years ago.  Then she could have shown Vi her regret, shown her sincerity by meeting all of Vi’s demands, showing her omega how dedicated Caitlyn was, showing her remorse and working together with Vi to overcome it, to reclaim a true relationship that would have been strengthened by what they had gone through. 

She longed for the missed opportunity.

A desperate side of her, the side that could only ever hear ‘you did this to her, you did this to her’ would have been satisfied with even five years ago.  Even indifference would be enough for that side, even if Vi didn’t care one way or another anymore, she would have at least let Caitlyn try.  In response, Caitlyn would have moved the world, brought down the moon and the stars, drained the oceans and leveled mountains if that’s what it would take.  She would have done anything to break through Vi’s apathy.

But now?  Now Vi was just telling her there was no chance, that her opportunities had run out, squandered without Caitlyn even realizing that there had been any.

It was even worse than if there had never been a chance at all, like Caitlyn had always assumed.

‘I deserve this,’ Caitlyn admitted to herself.  She felt as though she had been stabbed, opened up, and her organs torn out to be offered to whatever deity governed misery, an offering to the gods of anguish.

‘I deserve this.’

Vi, unaware or unconcerned with what her words had done to Caitlyn, simply crossed her arms, regarding Caitlyn with dismissive eyes.

“Are you done here?” she asked bluntly.  The best Caitlyn could manage was a painful stretch of her lips, an attempt at being genially polite as she bled out on the floor.  Vi nodded.  “Then maybe you should…”

“Er, Vi,” a voice interrupted the former omega, and both Caitlyn and Vi snapped into focus, turning to the speaker who represented a world they had both forgotten in the last few minutes.  The other bartender, a younger looking alpha, was giving them both cautious looks.  When he saw Caitlyn, he gave her halfhearted smile of encouragement, before he focused on Vi.  “Vi, I don’t know what’s going on, but maybe you should really consider how you’re handling it…”

“What are you…?” Vi demanded, scowling, before her eyes widened and she glanced around the bar.  She grimaced, rubbing her forehead.

Caitlyn also looked, and she realized that most of the room was watching the two of them.  Those who were pheromone sensitive were all showing signs of discomfort, glancing between Caitlyn and Vi.  Some were emitting stress pheromones, some of them were regarding Vi and scented of criticism.  Some of them were more focused on Caitlyn, and they scented of support and comfort.

The betas were mixed in their reaction, some having not quite clued in on what was going on, some having realized their sensitive companions were uncomfortable, others having realized the target of their companion’s attention and were looking at Caitlyn and Vi with curiosity.

 “It’s just… I’m not really sure what’s going on,” the bartender continued, “but anyone with a nose can tell just how sorry this lady is.  Maybe you should try to talk it out with her…”

Vi stared at the bartender, incredulous, and Caitlyn closed her eyes, feeling utterly mortified.

Her pheromones.  At some point she had lost control of them and now the whole room was staring at her with pity.

She didn’t deserve it, she wanted to scream.  I don’t deserve your pity, I deserve what Vi is saying!  Stop!  I’m not the one in the right!

She heard Vi swallow, and then she heard a soft, incredulous snort.

“Of course this would happen on BBAM night,” Vi muttered, disbelief and sardonic amusement in her tone. 

Caitlyn opened her eyes, and she saw Vi close hers, take a deep breath, and then meet her gaze.

“If you want to talk about this,” Vi said, “then follow me.  We should do this in private.”

Lost, unsure just what providence had lifted Damocles’ sword from her neck, Caitlyn followed as Vi led her towards a door behind the bar.  The door revealed a small corridor, one direction leading to a kitchen, the other to a set of stairs. 

“What is BBAM night?” Caitlyn couldn’t stop herself from asking as Vi led them to the stairs.

“Beta-Buddy Awareness Meetings are meant to promote the understanding between scented and unscented,” Vi told her, sounding as though she were reciting something she read.  “Pheromones provide an entirely different layer to all communications between the scented.  As beta’s are unable to participate, the scented must be aware and communicate to them when an interaction becomes more intense to ensure that the betas do not misunderstand the underlying meaning of the communication.”

Vi paused, then shrugged.

“At least that’s what Ekko put on the pamphlet.  He always worded better than me.  When Ez saw that as a beta I couldn’t see what your pheromones were saying, he did what he was supposed to and let me know to take a step back and reconsider what I was doing.  It was the right thing to do.”

The explanation made sense, but it also made Caitlyn want to scream.  Vi was never a beta.  She was an omega, and she should have been able to understand Caitlyn without some random stranger having to tell her.

As they entered the door at the top of the stairs, Caitlyn took in the room, Vi’s room, with a guilty sense of greed.  This was the domicile of her lost omega, her nest.  She wanted to see it, see what it said about its owner.

Reflectively, when she took her first step in, she scented, hard.  She pulled as much air through her nose as she could, surreptitiously as she could, looking for pheromone markers of any kind.

She had expected to be disappointed, but to her surprise, there were the faintest traces of Vi’s scent.

Vi’s scent, vanilla and nutmeg.  Not her pheromones, no, just her physical scent, the barest hint but like the first time Caitlyn had ever been exposed to it all natural and calming.  Not like the last time that had been a dagger in her heart, an endless open wound in her memory.

If Vi was pheromone active, a scent this thin would have meant that she hadn’t been in the room for a good couple of days.  Most wouldn’t have even been able to notice it.  It was only Caitlyn’s compatibility that let her find it in the background.  Since Vi was pheromone inactive, the fact that a scent lingered here at all meant that she had spent a lot of time in this room.

She was caught off guard and paused when she entered, unconsciously attempting to bask in the pleasant surprise.  Vi didn’t notice and instead lead the way into the room, nodding at a couch which was placed of all places in the kitchenette part of the room.

“Have a seat,” Vi instructed her, crossing to the table with the computer and collecting a few stacks of paper that were left there and began shoving them into the drawers of the desk.  “But don’t get comfortable.  You probably won’t be here long.”

Caitlyn nodded, eying the couch and obediently moving to it.  Despite herself, despite the fact that she was trying to be on her best behavior, to consciously surrender control of the conversation, she couldn’t help one question from slipping out.

“Why on Runeterra do you have a couch in your kitchen?”

“So if I get tired while I’m cooking I have a place to sit,” Vi informed her.  Caitlyn… found she couldn’t argue with that logic.

As Caitlyn sat, Vi puttered around her desk for a bit, and then made her way back to the kitchenette.  Caitlyn couldn’t help but notice her limp and the way Vi unconsciously rolled one of her shoulders, rubbing at it as though it ached as well.  Caitlyn bit her lip at the displays, wondering what had caused the signs of physical trauma that had accumulated over the years, but she kept quiet.  She had no right to question the other woman.

Vi seemed to notice her silence as she leaned back and with a little hop seated herself on the kitchen counter.  She folded her arms, studying Caitlyn for a moment.

“You’re awfully quiet,” the former omega pointed out.  “Normally by now you would have made a whole bunch of demands.”

Caitlyn nodded.

“It’s been pointed out that every time we meet, I always tried to take control to get what I wanted,” she admitted softly.  “And since that’s turned out awfully every time, they thought that I should let you do the talking.  Since it was something I already realized, I thought that maybe they had the right idea.”

“Mattie?” Vi asked after a moment, drumming her fingers on her biceps.  Caitlyn nodded.  Vi let out a deep sigh, shaking her head slowly.  “I was surprised she turned out alright,” she admitted, “all things considered.”

‘Since she was raised by you’ went unsaid, but Caitlyn recognized the accusation anyway.  She felt no need to rise to it or defend herself, and simply nodded.

This new passive Caitlyn seemed to surprise Vi as she continued to simply watch her.

“Why are you here, Kiramman?” she finally asked.  “You’re here to what, apologize?  Too late for that.  To try and make things up?  How the hell could you ever make everything up, especially now?”

“I don’t know,” Caitlyn admitted.  “I want to offer you anything to try, but then it would be about me again, and that would probably just make things worse.  This is about you: is there anything you want, anything you can think of that might begin to make things right?”

“Unbelievable,” Vi snorted, shaking her head and pushing her hair back with a snort.  “You’re a real piece of work, Kiramman.”

Caitlyn nodded, unable to disagree.

Vi looked at her for a moment, before finally she shrugged.

“Alright, I’ll play along,” she finally decided, and Caitlyn bit her lip, thankful that any opportunity was being presented and that she wasn’t simply being slapped and told to leave forever.  “I want answers.”

“Anything,” Caitlyn promised.

“First off,” Vi began, looking down her nose.  “Why are you so fucked up?”

“Right now, or in general?” Caitlyn prompted, unable to suppress a soft snort at the question.

“Both,” Vi clarified, tone serious.  “What kind of person would do the things you did and ever consider them to be alright?  How the hell could you ever justify that, even to yourself?”

Caitlyn gave a low laugh under her breath.

“The funny part is, I’ve been asking myself that question for so long that I actually have an answer,” she admitted.

“Well?” Vi prompted.

“I’m fucked up, because I was raised by a racist mother in a society of privilege that never understood the lives of those who didn’t have it,” Caitlyn listed clinically.  “My mother was a beta and never understood what it meant to be a non-beta.  She believed that since omegas were naturally more submissive that they were lesser creatures, and she firmly believed she was in the right when she would just refer to them as ‘breeders’.  She felt that since alphas were more dominant, they deserved to be able to exercise their dominance whenever they desired to.

“Despite that, she also believed that since medication had reached the point where we could suppress our heats and ruts, it was our duty to overcome our ‘base animal instincts’, and to look down on those that couldn’t.”

“The sad part,” Vi began slowly, “is that after having met your mother, I can almost believe this excuse.  So what, you’re fucked up because of mommy dearest?”

“Oh no,” Caitlyn disagreed, dark amusement present in her voice.  “I’m fucked up for so many more reasons than that.  Those weren’t uncommon beliefs in Piltover when I was growing up.  Just about everyone I knew had access to suppressants back then, and that extra control over our instincts was so prevalent that it seemed natural, and that anyone who didn’t have access to them must not be up to our standards, were worth less than us, and thus were acceptable to be taken advantage of.  After all, if they couldn’t control themselves, well, that must be entirely their fault, mustn’t it?”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Vi muttered, her eyes distant as she remembered her own examples of Piltover’s elitism. 

“And since they couldn’t even control their instincts, well, isn’t it natural that Piltover should do it for them?  We used to call the unsuppressed ‘ferals’, did you know that?  As though being unsuppressed instantly meant being a slave to their instincts.” Caitlyn continued.  “In fact, isn’t it our right, as superior alphas and betas, or even the rare suppressed omega, to lead these poor ferals?  Or to use them?”

Caitlyn rubbed her forehead, the memories of how she had slowly come to recognize this mindset, the one she had been raised in, how she had identified it, how she had slowly come to realize just how wrong everything she had considered normal was.

“In class, I used to remember groups of my peers, other alphas, who used to plan sexpeditions down to Zaun,” she remembered, grimacing as she did so.  “They used to laugh about it, and brag how many omegas they were going to fuck.  Sometimes, after the trips, they would compare numbers on how many desperate omegas they had, keeping score, trying to outdo each other.  They would laugh about how they would use them and then abandon them.  Like it was a game.

“And I,” Caitlyn swallowed, remembering her younger self.  “I used to feel contempt for them,” she admitted, “but not because I thought what they were doing was wrong, but because I thought that they were disgusting for giving in, succumbing to their own biology.  I used to think they were hypocrites for deriding the omegas for being unsuppressed while all the while they were acting like they were unsuppressed themselves.”

Vi was silent, studying Caitlyn as she continued to list the assumptions and prejudices that had governed her early life, the things she had used to believe as inherent fact simply because they were presented to her as such. 

“So in the end,” Vi finally said, “in the end it was just that: you were the perfect Piltie princess.”

“Precisely,” Caitlyn agreed.  Both their tones held contempt for just what the titled meant.  “I was the embodiment of all the values of the City of Progress.”

They were silent for a moment, before Vi sighed, and then snorted in disgust.  She rocked herself off the shelf, moving to a cupboard.  Caitlyn watched as she busied herself, pulling a glass and a bottle from differing shelves.  She noted that Vi had a taste for fine scotch as the former omega poured herself a full glass.

Vi went back to her original perch, making no offer of drink to Caitlyn as she did so.

“So,” Vi continued, turning her attention back to Caitlyn.  “You’re a mindless pawn of society, brainwashed since birth to being a total alphahole.  If that’s your excuse for in general, what’s your excuse for right now?”

‘I’ve spent the last twenty years remembering how much I hurt you, and am probably clinically, hormonally, and chemically depressed as a result of it,’ Caitlyn did not say.  ‘The result is a persistent self-hatred, and chronic feelings of inadequacy which have eroded my self-worth to the point where it’s affecting my ability to function.’

This wasn’t about her.  This wasn’t about how she was feeling, it wasn’t about her problems.  An answer like that was nothing more than a pathetic bid for sympathy, an attempt to manipulate the conversation. 

“I had to consume a great deal of alcohol before I was brave enough to have this conversation,” Caitlyn instead confessed.  “I’m afraid I wouldn’t have had the courage for it otherwise.”

Vi snorted, apparently amused despite herself as she coughed immediately afterwards, the alcohol she was sipping going down the wrong pipe.

It was an endearing sight, and Caitlyn couldn’t suppress a small smile at the other woman as she pounded her chest to clear her throat. 

“Spirits damnit,” Vi muttered as she got herself under control.  “A little warning would be nice, Kiramman.”

“Apologies,” Caitlyn offered dryly.

Vi took a deep breath, and studied Caitlyn for several minutes.  She tried not to fidget under the attention, and had to hold back several times when the temptation to break the silence grew heavy. 

Finally, after having apparently gathered her thoughts sufficiently, Vi nodded to herself.

“Alright.  Next question.  After everything you did, why did you suddenly start giving a shit?” Vi spoke slowly.

“Giving a shit?” Caitlyn prompted, not quite sure just what topic Vi was referring to specifically.

“About omegas, about Zaun,” Vi clarified, waving a hand as thought to indicate the city around them.  “I was pretty surprised when a mind-doming, pup stealing alpha bitch was suddenly showing up in the news, supposedly championing equality and being the voice of the voiceless downtrodden.  What the hell were you playing at, joining the civil rights movement of all things?  Don’t tell me you suddenly grew a conscious or something, Ms. Perfect Piltie Princess.”

Caitlyn shrugged halfheartedly, accepting the dig.  It was the truth.

“I didn’t,” she admitted, knowing damn well that the truth would only destroy her image more and feeling as though she deserved it.  “It took years before I truly started to realize the depth of all my misconceptions, how fucked up I really was.”

“Then why?” Vi demanded.

“Because of you,” Caitlyn admitted.  “After… after everything, I knew you wanted nothing to do with me, but I told myself I was still your alpha, despite everything.  It was supposed to be my responsibility to care for you, regardless of what you felt.  So I hired several investigators to keep an eye on you.”

“Stalker much?” Vi frowned, indignation blossoming on her face.  “You had no fucking right to do that, Kiramman!”

“No, I didn’t,” Caitlyn admitted, slumping under the condemnation.  “But I thought I did.  It was the duty of an alpha to take control, to be responsible for their omega and keep them safe, regardless of what the omega wanted, or at least that’s what I believed back then.  Or, that was what I told myself to justify it.  I think in truth I had realized already how terrible I had been, and wanted to find some way to try and make up for it.  I tried to convince myself that if I could keep you safe, keep an eye on you for if you ever got into trouble then maybe I could make up for it.”

“You had no fucking right, Kiramman,” Vi repeated, glaring at her.

“No, I didn’t,” Caitlyn agreed.  “But in the end, I don’t think I expected just how much trouble you could get into.  Earlier, the doorman called me the ‘godmother of civil rights’.  Does anyone actually know that you were the one who started the movement, Vi?”

Vi’s eyes widened slightly, and she coughed in surprise, before she looked away.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she declared, unconvincingly.

“I know that you were the first one to start putting up posters to set up meetings in The Last Drop,” Caitlyn listed what she knew.  “That you were the one who advocated for handing out fliers, who first started organizing the meetings.  You were the one organizing the rallies and protests.  You might not have done all of it, but you certainly were the first to start advocating for action.”

It had been simple things at first.  Posters to set up rallies where people of all genders could come to discuss the issues affecting them.  From there it had begun to snowball as plans were made: omegas moving in groups of two or three with a beta or friendly alpha present to prevent predatory actions against them.  Boycotting stores which had a history of abusing the omega workforce, or who used alphas in management to try and intimidate or coerce their workers.  Informational fliers about abuses which had been done, and how to prevent them.

 Vi had been the one to light a match, but the tinder it found had been right to grow to a bonfire.  The people of Zaun were angry, and they were willing to take action, to do something.  And the actions they took started to gather attention.

“I didn’t want to get too much attention on myself,” Vi finally admitted, glaring at her.  “One of those damn contracts required that I stay out of the public eye.  I was worried about what would happen to my family if I got too much attention.”

Caitlyn grimaced, knowing the contracts being referenced.  They were meant to ensure that the targeted omegas didn’t draw too much attention to their situation and embarrass the affluential alphas or their family.  Caitlyn had seen alphas crack down on omegas who had tried to fight back against their situations.  While Caitlyn herself wouldn’t have allowed it, Vi hadn’t known that and had probably been wise to keep herself out of the public eye.

“When the movement started to gain force, there began to be pressure from Piltover to do something,” Caitlyn continued.  “When the Enforcers started their crackdowns, I was worried that you might be targeted as one of the leaders.  So I cracked down on the Enforcers.”

It hadn’t been too hard.  The higher one got up in the Enforcers, especially the Sheriff position, the more political influence one was exposed to.   The Sheriff at the time had been cozy with a political rival of the Kiramman, and as a result of that influence had engaged in several corrupt practices.

Piltover had been taking advantage of Zaun for generations, and the protests threatened the status quo, put in danger Piltover’s supposed superiority and the advantages it gave them.  Naturally, several of those who enjoyed those advantages didn’t want things to change, including the rival who had supported the Sheriff.  Pressure had been put on the Sheriff to use the Enforcers to break up the rallies, and remove the leaders to prevent the movement from gaining force.

Caitlyn had known about the collusion, but never had a reason to act on it before.  That changed when even the possibility of the Enforcers hurting Vi had arisen.

A very loud outing of the corruption and a public campaign against the corruption of the police force later, and the Enforcers were no longer cracking down on the protests.  They were, in fact, being strongly encouraged to protect the protests from those who might want to disrupt them.

“When the movement began advocate for fair working conditions for omegas, many of the businesses guilty of discrimination formed a superPAC to prevent reparation legislation.  So I formed one to encourage the new laws.”

It hadn’t been too hard.  While there were many companies who would have been badly affected by the reparation movement, there were just as many who wouldn’t and would benefit from the affected companies being dealt a blow to their businesses. 

Vi grimaced, and poured herself another glass of scotch.

“Fuck you, Kiramman,” she said, though there was no heat in her voice.  “We didn’t need you to sweep in and save us.  The movement would have succeeded without you.”

“Probably,” Caitlyn acknowledged.  “But it was something I could do, something I felt compelled to do at first.  By the time the reparation legislation was finished though, I had… a more thorough understanding of just how much my privilege affected my understanding of the world.  The charity movement for suppressants for omegas was inspired and fully functioning.  It didn’t need me to assist it, but by then I felt it was Piltover’s responsibility to try and make up for its history.”

The initial charity was for companies to contribute to a fund for omegas who couldn’t afford their own suppressants.  By that time, many businesses were trying to make up for previous predatory practices, and would loudly contribute as much as they could, trying to convince the public of their changed ways, or just to patch up their public image.  It was effective for a large number of omegas, and was available for the majority of the omegas that needed it, but it didn’t cover all of them.

Caitlyn’s movement to expand it to a government subsidy and to include alphas as well was actually rather simple, as the framework was already present and the inertia for reform was on her side.

“Fuck you, Kiramman,” Vi repeated again, sighing in resignation.  She swirled the scotch, studying her.  “Two years ago, the rezoning.  Was that you too?”

Caitlyn nodded. 

“Several real-estate conglomerates thought it would be profitable to buy up the property in historic Zaun to knock it down and rebuild upscale condominiums,” she explained.  “Honestly, it was as much to protect your neighborhood as it was that I thought the whole idea to be a gauche and poorly concealed attempt to profit from supposed gentrification.”

The movement had been in the public eye for over a decade by that point.  It was being taught in primary schools, history itself unfolding in front of the eyes of a generation.  Real, tangible change that made a difference.  It hadn’t taken much for Caitlyn to convince the Zaun council to protect its city from profit seeking opportunists, and many blocks had been designated as historical landmarks, and protected from purchase and from construction.

Caitlyn didn’t even need to propose The Last Drop being included in the protection.  It had been the first building the Zaun council had protected by their own choice.  It had been the beginning and the very heart of the movement, after all.

“I think,” Vi began, swirling her scotch again before downing it.  “I think I want to hate you even more for that, Kiramman.”

Caitlyn winced.  Perhaps, somehow, she had hoped that the truth of all she had done might have endeared her to her bond mate.  There had been times, late at night when the memory of Vi’s last desperation had kept her up, that she had hoped that someday, someday Vi would realize everything Caitlyn had been doing for her: would see everything Caitlyn was doing for her, and that somehow it would be enough for her to forgive Caitlyn. 

It had helped, sometimes, but she had always known that it was a small chance.

“When you came into my life,” Vi went on, “you took everything from me.  Ever since my parents were killed in the bridge massacre, I dreamed of someday having my own family, of being able to be a mother and being able to give my kids everything I was missing when I was growing up.  I dreamed of finding an alpha who would love me and that I could love back.  I wanted the thing that had been taken from me, a family, more than anything else.

“When you took those from me, I thought I had nothing,” Vi continued, hopping off the counter to pour herself another cup.  “I thought there was nothing left.  I even thought about killing myself a few times.”

Caitlyn’s jaw clenched at the confession. 

“But then I realized that if I couldn’t have any of the things I wanted, then I could try and make it so everyone else could,” Vi went on.  “If the world was determined to spit on me, then I could at least do something to try and change the world.  I threw myself into the movement, worked my fingers to the bones. 

“And it worked.  Things were changing, and for once they weren’t changing for the worst.  Even if I never… Even if I never would see Mattie again, at least I could make it so no one else would have to go through what I did.”

Vi threw back the tumbler, draining it long gulps.  She hoped off the table, reaching for the bottle again.

“And now you tell me that the only reason I was able to accomplish it was because of you,” Vi declared tonelessly.  “That everything I did, everything I was trying to change only changed because the same person who ruined me decided… decided what?  That oh, that silly little omega breeder deserves a consolation?  That she would never be able to do it on their own, so you might as well throw her a bone?”

Caitlyn felt hot tears begin to prick her eyes.  The room suddenly felt too small, her clothes too tight, and she was having trouble catching her breath.  She closed her eyes, wanting to deny this moment, hoping that if she could close her eyes and stop her ears than it would mean it’s not actually happening, but knowing helplessly that was an impossible dream.

‘No,’ she told herself.  ‘No, not again.  Don’t say the words…’

She knew what Vi was about to say.  It was the same thing she said every time Caitlyn ruined her life:

‘Thank you.’

Simple words of gratitude, used in scorn, used in hatred.  Words that wrapped around her heart like thorns, words which carved her failures as a person, as an alpha, as a bond mate indelibly into her memory.

She didn’t want to hear them again.  She didn’t think she could stand to.

“I want to hate you for it,” Vi continued, “but it’s not about me.  It’s about all the omegas who aren’t going to be used and left like trash on the side of the road.  It’s about the ones who will be able to work without worrying about being penalized for their genders.  It’s about all the ones who won’t have to live in pain from their heats.”

Caitlyn drew a deep breath, opening her eyes, the sensation of hope so alien to her she didn’t recognize it for a moment.

Vi had pulled a second glass down and filled it while she was bracing herself.  Even now she was offering it to Caitlyn.  Stunned, she took it with nerveless fingers, feeling as though she were in a dream.

“Maybe I could have done it without you,” Vi admitted, gaze fixed on her own cup.  “Or maybe that’s just pride, what do they call it?  Hubris or something?  But maybe I might not have, maybe I would have just been killed in a riot like my parents were and the movement crushed again. 

“But that’s not it.  It’s not about what I personally accomplished.  It’s about everyone who’s life is better, no matter how that happened.

“So thank you, Caitlyn.  Thank you for helping me help all those people.”

Caitlyn could feel herself crying, but did nothing to stop it.  All she could focus on was the gratitude in Vi’s voice.  All she could focus on was for once, even if it was just once, she had made her omega happy.

“To the movement,” Vi held up her glass, and Caitlyn woodenly tapped it with her own.

“To the movement,” she echoed.

For the past twenty years, Caitlyn had imagined a different life.  One where she had made another choice, where she hadn’t stuck to her stubborn pride and given their bond a chance to truly bloom.  She had tried to imagine what it would have been like to have Vi in her life, and the truth was she could never fully envision what it would have been like until this moment.

Her imagination had always tried to cast Vi as a mother, as some passive entity that would stay at home, raising the pups, welcoming Caitlyn home after a long day at work, but that wasn’t right.  Vi would never have been such a passive presence, would never have contented herself as a docile trophy wife like so many of the affluent desired.

No, Vi would have been working, striving forward.  Maybe she would have taken up the same cause, maybe a different one, but she would have found a cause no matter what.  She would have initiated, taken action, and Caitlyn would have found herself dragged afterwards, inspired by the conviction of her omega, supporting her.  They would come home, flushed with victory, celebrating what they had accomplished together.

Caitlyn was glad, that even if it was just this once, that she had the chance to envision that life, to live it as they were right now.

They sat in silence for several minutes, just sipping their cups.  Caitlyn wished that it would last forever.

However, eventually, Vi scrubbed a hand through her hair, and frowned, before studying Caitlyn wordlessly.

“What?” she finally prompted her, and Vi frowned.

“I guess I only have one final question,” the former omega admitted.  With a scowl, she continued.  “Why the fuck Dylan Ferros?”

This time it was Caitlyn’s turn to snort, dragging scotch down her windpipe and prompting a coughing fit.

“I mean, even I could tell she was bad news, just from the tabloids,” Vi continued, scowling.  “She was obviously a shallow, vapid gold digger, who was cheating on you practically from the beginning.  Why the fuck would you choose her?”

‘Over me’, was left unsaid, but Caitlyn could hear it nonetheless. 

“Honestly,” Caitlyn finally regained control of herself, and traced the edge of the glass nervously, “it was because she was the exact opposite of you.”

Vi’s raised eye brow prompted her to continue.

“I, well I tried dating,” Caitlyn admitted, feeling guilty for having ever attempted it when she had a bond mate.  “There were social pressure, as a member of the Kiramman, and I tried… I tried to forget about you.”

The very reason she had refused Vi was so that she could have a choice, after all.  Caitlyn had forced herself to see others, because if she didn’t try, then it would mean she had rejected Vi for nothing, that everything she had done would be even more pointless and cruel.

“But every time I found someone I could feel attracted to, they reminded me of you,” Caitlyn continued, slumping.  “Appearance, or personality, or scent, in the end I would suddenly recognize what was attractive to me, and then compare it to you.  Once I did… there didn’t seem any point to continue seeing them.”

Why would she settle for a substitute of what she had already rejected?  Why deal with pale imitations, when she could have had the original and lost it? 

“Dylan… was my last-ditch attempt,” she finally confessed.  “Everything about her was the exact opposite of you: appearance, personality, scent, even her upbringing and attitude.”

“So, you chose someone who was the exact opposite of your bond,” Vi gave her a blank look.  “A bond mate, who is by their very nature the most compatible person for you?”

“Yes,” Caitlyn sighed.  “It was doomed to fail from the start.”

By choosing the opposite of the features that she found attractive, Caitlyn had attempted to show to herself that freewill mattered, that she could stand by the ideals she once had and be able to make a choice over who she would be with.

But by it’s very nature, it meant she was seeing someone who was the complete opposite of everything she found attractive. 

Dylan had been repulsive to Caitlyn, someone she more often than not had to endure rather than enjoy. 

“Are you a masochist or something?” Vi muttered.  Caitlyn sighed.

“No,” she denied.  “If I was I might have enjoyed some part of Dylan’s company.  Alas, in the end it was entirely unendurable.  Did you know she attempted to abuse me almost immediately?”

“Attempted?” Vi’s eyes narrowed, and Caitlyn hoped that it was some lingering protectiveness for her, some wane sign that Vi might still be able to care for her.  “She hit you?”

“Oh, no, not like that,” Caitlyn shrugged.  “No, I meant attempting to manipulate me, isolating me, to destroy my self-esteem.  Attempts to exert control over me and such.”

“It didn’t work, I take it?” Vi prompted.

“Gaslighting and negging only work if you have any value of the opinion of the one attempting them,” Caitlyn sighed.  “Her saying she didn’t like my friends would only make me stop seeing them if I cared for her opinion, after all.  In the end, she had all the right moves, but I was raised to be aware of people trying to take advantage of me, and been taught the various tactics to look out for.  I think it frustrated her to no end.  In the beginning she tried to be subtle about it, but in the end she was behaving so ham fisted that even strangers were noticing it.  She eventually had a nervous breakdown from it, though it was concealed from the press.

“I was the one who proposed the divorce,” Caitlyn took another sip of her scotch.  “I believe that when Dylan realized she wouldn’t be able to control my finances or influence me directly, she simply settled on alimony so she could find someone else she could attempt to prey on.”

“What a piece of work,” Vi sighed, rubbing her forehead.  “I mean both of you.  I mean, yeah, fuck Dylan for being a manipulative piece of shit, but you basically chose her for being a piece of shit.  And then you, what, manage to break her will to live despite it?  What the fuck, Kiramman?”

“It was perhaps lucky that she was so intolerable,” Caitlyn admitted.  “I was most certainly an inadequate and indifferent partner, and if I had subjected myself to someone at all pleasant then my attitude would have been cruel.  However, I simply couldn’t care about her.  There was no part of her that I found attractive or endearing.”

“Well, at least she deserved it,” Vi muttered.  The two sat in silence for several minutes.

Caitlyn was grateful for it.

This was the longest she had ever talked with Vi, the most they had ever been able to bare their hearts to each other.  She didn’t want it to ever end.

But everything ended, eventually.

Vi was studying her again.  Part way through the conversation the hostility, the distaste which had become the norm whenever Caitlyn saw her had eased.  Without the scowl, the anger lines on Vi’s face faded slightly and Caitlyn were able to see other lines, lines from laughing and smiling.  Vi had lived a hard life, and was aged for it, but it seemed that she hadn’t just endured tragedy, had also had joys and triumphs, victories to celebrate. 

“Why are you here, Kiramman,” Vi finally asked, her voice tired.  “I mean, you’re not here just to apologize.  If it was just a matter of trying to make up for what happened, I guess you’ve been trying to do that for years.  You’re here because you want something.  What is it?  What is it you want from this?”

Vi waived at the two of them, indicating their conversation which had served as Caitlyn’s confessional. 

Part of Caitlyn knew she should be grateful for what she had received.  She had been given the chance to apologize, the opportunity to explain why she had done what she had done, and what she had done to try and make up for it. 

She should be grateful for what she had.  She knew that.

But a desperate, yearning part of her hoped. 

“I want to see if we can give us a try,” she whispered, the words slipping from her lips before she could stop herself.

Vi flinched, turning her head to the side, a grimace on her face.

“I told you,” Vi answered, her own voice a whisper.  “It’s too late for that now.”

“I don’t want to believe that,” Caitlyn responded, quietly.  “I want to believe that there’s a chance.  I’m willing to do whatever you need, whatever you want, for that chance to be possible. 

“I want to prove to you that I’ve changed,” she continued.  “I want to prove to you that I will never be the person who hurt you again.  I want to do whatever it takes to win your heart, and to be worthy.”

Caitlyn found herself reaching for Vi unconsciously, and the omega flinched away.  Hurriedly, Caitlyn withdrew her hands, folding them in her lap.

In the end, Caitlyn couldn’t stop herself from voicing what she wanted, just like she always did.  But this time it could be different.  This time it wouldn’t be about what she demanded, but what Vi wanted.

Caitlyn waited for Vi to say anything.  She couldn’t see the omega’s face as she turned away.  Finally, Vi’s shoulders raised and then dropped, as though she had taken a great breath.

“One month.  Thirty days,” Vi finally said.  “I have… I have things I need to take care of.  On my end.  In one month though, well, you can prove to me anything you want.”

Caitlyn nodded, despite the fact that Vi couldn’t see her.  Her heart was in her throat, beating so hard that she thought it might burst.

Maybe… just maybe, she would have a chance.  A chance to make up for her errors, a chance to know her bond mate, a chance to build a future with her.

Caitlyn vowed that by the end of the month Vi asked for, she would be ready to do anything for her.

Chapter Text

how much could change and how quickly

It was astonishing to Mattie how much could change and how quickly it could.  Three days had been enough to completely upend everything that she had once taken for granted and thought was true.  Three days had changed her perception of the pillars she had built her life around and altered the very structure of that life. 

Now she was waiting, feeling like she was poised on the edge of a cliff, or staring at the countdown on a race track. 

It had been one week since Caitlyn had apologized to Vi.  One week since her alpha-mother came home, and it was as though she was an entirely different woman.  If Mattie hadn’t known the source of her change, she might have suspected some sort of body snatching, or maybe a demonic possession.

It was the sheer optimism which seemed to drive Caitlyn.  Her whole life, Mattie had thought of her mother as a reserved, calm person.  Someone who was steady and unflappable. 

Maybe that had been the persona that she had been driven to be, in order to deal with the consequences of her actions.  Maybe the reconciliation with Vi had allowed her to move on, to become the person she had always had to hold herself back from being.

Or maybe Caitlyn really was just naturally reserved, and instead the reconciliation had added something more to her, given her a reason to break through her normal self and to start to change.

Mattie watched, not interrupting her bench presses as Caitlyn paced by the entrance to the gym yet again.  It was the third time since she had begun her workout.

“Mattie, where’s the contacts for our Ionian vacation home?” Caitlyn asked, tone hurried as she glanced through a sheaf of paperwork she was glancing through.  “I want them to have it ready, just in case.”

“In the rolodex, in the same place it’s always been,” Mattie advised her dryly. 

“Right, of course,” Caitlyn agreed, distractedly.  “And our contact for the breeders?”

“Horse or dog?”

“Both.”

“Also in the rolo,” Mattie advised her again.

“Right, of course,” Caitlyn nodded, and Mattie mouthed along with her as she finished with, “just in case.”

For the last seven days, Caitlyn had been a whirlwind of preparation.   In preparation for when the thirty days were over and Vi would allow her to prove herself the alpha had been coming up with an ever increasingly bizarre list of possible methods of showing her resolution. 

Mattie had already watched her place orders for no less than three dozen types of chocolate, buy out two different florists, place reservations at five different spas, book out resorts in three different countries, and was currently watching as Caitlyn prepared to offer puppies from four different species, as well as debating whether it would be more appropriate to purchase a pony or a fully grown horse.

Mattie thought it was rather adorable, and debated whether she should warn Vi of what was waiting for her.

She hadn’t seen her mega-mother since six days ago.  She had stopped by and she and Vi had lunch.  Vi had advised her that she would be busy for the next few days, and Mattie had agreed to limiting their contact to phone calls and texts rather than in person.

Their text conversations had ranged through any and all topics, from favorite foods to vacation spots, opinions on memes and plans for after Mattie finished her schooling. 

Vi had ended every conversation at night with a ‘Good night.  I love you.’

Just reading the words made Mattie flush with happiness.

Mattie had already sent a good morning text, however it seemed that Vi was busy today and hadn’t had a chance to respond. 

It was just as Mattie was finishing her reps that the buzzer announced that someone was at the gates.  Nearly every room in the manor had an intercom, and Mattie paused in toweling her sweat to check the gate.

She blinked in surprise at the sight of two Enforcers at the gate.  Pursing her lips, she hit the talk button.

“Can I help you, officers?” she asked.  She had no idea why officers would be visiting them.

“Is this Ms. Caitlyn Kiramman?” one officer asked, his tone polite but cautious. 

“Her daughter, Mathilda,” Mattie clarified. 

“Ma’am, would it be possible for us to speak with Ms. Kiramman?” the officer asked.

“May I ask in regards to what?”

“In regards to a Ms. Violet Lane.”

“Vi?” Mattie’s eyebrows raised in surprise.  “Yes, just one second, I’ll buzz you in.”

“Who was it, dear?” Caitlyn asked, her tone distracted as she paced past the gym’s door again, an entirely different sheaf of papers in her hands.

“Some Enforcers requesting to speak to you about Vi,” Mattie frowned, and checked her phone.  There was still no text from her mega-mother, and that combined with the presence of officers was starting to worry her.

“Enforcers?” Caitlyn also seemed troubled, her eyes narrowing.  “Have you buzzed them in?”

“Yes…” Caitlyn was already striding towards the door before Mattie could answer.  Mattie was still covered in sweat, but followed. 

Caitlyn had paused by the door to the manor, and was taking a moment to adjust her appearance, fixing her hair and outfit from where her frantic pacing had disheveled them. 

By the time the knock came, Caitlyn had apparently deemed herself professional enough.  Mattie herself lingered by the door to the foyer, in sight of the entrance but close enough to the exit to duck out if it was necessary.

“Officers,” Caitlyn greeted in a stern tone, looking down her nose as she opened the door.  Mattie recognized it as Caitlyn’s professional ‘you better not have disturbed me for something trivial’ appearance.  “You requested my presence?”

Apparently, her al-mother’s intimidation tactic was successful, as the officers glanced between each other, nerves already apparent.

“Ms. Caitlyn Kiramman?” one of them ventured, the same one who had spoken on the intercom.  Mattie could identify him as a beta, but his partner registered as an omega.  Her face was professional, but her pheromones betrayed nervousness.

“Yes,” Caitlyn acknowledged. 

The beta officer took a deep breath, and then removed his tall hat.

“Ms. Kiramman, it’s my regret to inform you that a wellness check was requested for Ms. Violet Lane this afternoon when she failed to make an appointment.  Upon investigation, Ms. Lane was found deceased.  A cursory coroner investigation indicates that she most likely passed away in her sleep, either late in the evening or earlier in the morning.”

Mattie stopped breathing.

Caitlyn was absolutely still.

“No,” she finally said.  An absolute rejection of the words that were being spoken to her.

The two officers glanced at each other, before the beta continued on.

“After the time and cause of death were determined, a review was determined to locate the appropriate point of contact,” he recited, sounding as though he was giving a memorized speech.  “While the next of kind were located, a bond notification was also identified.  In deference to your relationship, it was determined that the most appropriate initial contact was yourself.”

“No,” Caitlyn repeated, disbelief and a note of panic starting to enter her tone.  “No, that’s not possible.  There must be some sort of mistake.”

The beta glanced at the omega, and Mattie could see the way she gave her partner a brief, almost unnoticeable nod. 

“I’m very sorry for your loss, ma’am,” the beta advised, and some of the cautiousness in his tone had eased up to be replaced with sympathy.

“No,” Caitlyn repeated, the disbelief being overtaken by panic.  “No, this isn’t possible.  You said cause of death was identified?  What, what happened?”

The two officers glanced at each other again.

“Ma’am,” the beta began slowly, choosing his words carefully.  “A review of Ms. Lane’s medical history revealed that she had been on a very… demanding medication regime.  Despite medical advice to discontinue the regime dating back some fifteen years ago, the deceased had continued their regime.  A review shows that the effects of the medication had been documented as far back as ten years ago.”

Mattie remembered to breath, sucking in a breath of air in shocked recognition.

No.  No.

The suppressants. 

Mattie could see the moment Caitlyn had the same realization, her legs shaking and a hand coming to the doorframe to support herself.

“Though the decedents excellent physical shape helped delay the effects, organ function had been gradually diminishing for some time,” the officer continued.  “Notes in Ms. Lane’s file indicated that she was advised five years ago that continued use of the medication would place her in danger of organ failure.  It appears that Ms. Lane chose to continue her regiment despite the advice.  Her last medical checkup, some two months ago, indicated that she was advised that her continued life expectancy was between a quarter and a half a year.”

Mattie felt dizzy, overwhelmed, like her thoughts had been disconnected from her brain.

Vi… Vi had known.

Vi had known, and never told her.

“Ma’am…” the beta began slowly, “am I correct in the assumption that this information was not…”

He was stopped, the omega lightly tapping his sleeve and shaking her head.

The pheromones, Mattie noted objectively, feeling detached.  The beta was chosen to deliver the news since they would be more capable of being professional and unaffected.  The omega was responsible for determining the mood of the recipient of the news and directing the beta, who was non-sensitive about how the news was being received.

Caitlyn’s shoulders were shaking, but otherwise her body appeared to be unaffected.  But her pheromones…

My own, as well, Mattie noted, still detached.

“I’m very sorry for your loss,” the beta cleared his throat, repeating his condolences.  Looking increasingly uncomfortable, he continued.  “Ma’am, as the registered bond mate, you have what’s considered legal guardianship of the deceased.  It… isn’t uncommon in these situations for the surviving bond mate to wish for their loss to remain… private.  As such the next of kin on file have not yet been notified.   If it is your desire to maintain your… privacy on these matters, then please be advised that we officers may be of… assistance in that regard.”

Mattie struggled for a moment to understand the words being spoken.

When she did, it struck her like a blow to the gut, and the detachment she had been feeling was replaced with sickening nausea.

They were offering to help cover up Vi’s death.

Cassandra… Cassandra had bragged about how firms had started to use bond registrations as a method of pressuring omegas they were victimizing, using it to gain legal authority over them.  The officers had mentioned how they had identified Caitlyn through the registration. 

How many?  How many times had an omega passed, and the police reported it to the alphas who had abused them rather than to the families that deserved to know of their loss?  How many rich alphas who had done their best to erase their shame and requested that the police make that erasure final, to brush their victims under the rugs?

A low, hollow bark of laughter escaped her lungs.  Again.  Again, Vi was the victim of entrenched discrimination, institutionalized victimization.  Again she was the victim of a society that marginalized her, took advantage of her, stole her child, and now was poised to erase even her death.

What a fucking joke.

The sound drew the attention of the police officers, and this time the beta checked on the omega immediately.  She was grimacing, eying Mattie carefully, and immediately shook her head to the beta’s unasked question

Mattie realized she had moved past grief to rage, and was expressing it unreservedly. 

“That… that won’t be necessary, officers,” Caitlyn broke in, her tone weak.  Mattie wasn’t sure if she had made the connection yet of what was being offered, or if she had missed it in her grief.  “Please, inform the next of kin, and respect their… their wishes…”

“Yes, ma’am,” the beta agreed.  He looked somewhat relieved by the decision.

“If there’s nothing else…” Caitlyn continued, tone shaky, “I believe I… I need some time alone.  I won’t… won’t take up anymore of your day.”

“I’m very sorry for your loss,” the beta said again, sounding genuine and unreserved for the first time in the conversation.  He nodded his head, and replaced his hat, turning to leave the obviously grieving Caitlyn alone. 

Mattie saw the way Caitlyn’s legs shook, and rushed over, just reaching her intime to catch her as she collapsed.  A deep, wracking sob greeted her as she put her arms around her mother as she began to weep in the open door.

***Scene Break***

A week ago, Mattie had been considering how fast things could change.  It had been a hopeful, optimistic observation.

Now, Mattie was considering the same topic again. 

It was not a hopeful or optimistic observation this time.

The only real experience that Mattie had with death was the loss of her grandfather.  She had thought that had prepared her for the loss of her mega-mother.

She expected that an announcement would be made, declaring the dates of the viewing and the internment. 

She had expected to have some time, to be able to see Vi one more time, to make some sort of peace with her, some form of closure no matter how inadequate.

She realized quickly that she was mistaken.

Vi had no social media, no online presence.  Mattie hadn’t realized how much she relied on the various platforms for information until there was none.  With no social media, and having only met her a few times, Mattie had no idea about who Vi’s friends were, or who her next of kin were, or even if she had any other family at all. 

For two days she attempted to find any posting or announcements about the plans, but found nothing.  She had even gone to The Last Drop hoping to find an employee who could direct her, but the bar had been closed, a sign indicating no scheduled reopen date.

It was three days later when a search of Vi’s name finally revealed a single posting on a profile called ‘GetJinxed’, announcing that the funeral had been completed and had been a private affair, by invitation only.  No address was provided for the location of the grave, or if there even was a grave rather than some alternative internment method.

For all Mattie knew, Vi had been cremated and her ashes spread into the river.

Mattie wondered if whoever had arranged it had even thought about inviting Caitlyn and herself.  If they knew what had happened, then most likely not.

It was with an empty, hollow feeling that she and Caitlyn attended the only involvement with Vi’s death: a private will reading. 

“Thank you for coming today,” the lawyer who greeted them began, adjusting his glasses.  He was a short, neat looking beta, and his tone and demeanor were entirely professional.

“Thank you for inviting us,” Mattie told him, and by her side Caitlyn just nodded once, professionally distant.  Mattie regarded her mother carefully, trying to judge her mood.

Distant, lost in thought, as though she only barely noticed the world around her.

It had been the norm for the last seven days.  Mattie hoped it wouldn’t remain that way, but had no idea what to do about it.

“While it is a bit unusual,” the lawyer continued, “this is the second will reading for the decedent.  Per the instructions in the will, this reading was directed to be private.”

Vi probably had the forethought not to put her mother and her in the same room as the rest of any of her family, Mattie decided. 

“As the rest of the will is irrelevant to this meeting, it will not be covered,” the lawyer took a seat.  “The majority of Ms. Lane’s assets have already been distributed, so this meeting should only be a short one.  As Ms. Lane was aware of her upcoming death, her estate planning had been meticulous.”

The lawyer droned on for several minutes, his words a blur of legalese that Mattie could hardly make heads or tails of.  Caitlyn might have been able to interpret it, but she wasn’t certain how much attention her mother was actually paying.

“So with this, I come to the last two items in the will,” the lawyer stated, and Mattie drew her attention back in.  “First, to Ms. Caitlyn Kiramman, a sealed envelope containing a last correspondence.”

With great aplomb, the listed item was delivered to Caitlyn.  She clutched it to her chest, not opening it but just holding it.  The lawyer hesitated a moment, giving her a moment to read it if she so desired, but Caitlyn simply held it.

Maybe she was frightened to open it, Mattie decided.  Who knew what Vi’s last words to her bond mate would be.  Would they be scorn and contempt?  Or had the meeting between the two allowed for some kind of peace or forgiveness?

Mattie wasn’t sure if Caitlyn would ever open the envelope.

“To Mathilda Cassandra Kiramman, former Iris Powder Lane,” the lawyer finally continued, and Mattie’s eyes sought him out.  “Ms. Lane leaves the ownership of the business The Last Drop located at,” the lawyer rattled off the specific address of the bar, Mattie blinking in surprise, “with the stated hope that Mathilda would see to the continuance of the business, or if that is undesirable to consider disposing of the property to the surviving family, as so the business can remain within the family.”

Shakily, Mattie reached out to receive the deeds, some documentation such as the business license and account information, and a set of keys.

They felt heavy in her hands.

***Scene Break***

For several days, the paperwork and the keys did nothing besides sit on the top of Mattie’s desk in her room.  She would find herself staring at them.  Considering them.

She thought a lot.  About who she is, and who she was, and who she should be.  About the short time she had spent with Vi, and how little she truly knew about her mega-mother. 

She thought a lot about what she wanted.  About how she saw herself leading her life, after everything that had happened.

In the end, she made her decision.

***Scene Break***

“Mattie?” Caitlyn called, distractedly, as she returned to the manor.  “Are you in?”

Silence greeted her, and Caitlyn frowned.

“Mattie, Mattie, are you here?” she tried again, checking the time.  Eight in the evening was far past the time her daughter normally had returned home from class. 

Then again, not a lot had been normal recently, Caitlyn allowed.  Her back and eyes hurt, the result of a twelve-hour day at the firm.  The work was mindless and distracting, but required enough attention from her to keep her focused on…

Well, on anything.   

The moment the work was done, the moment she had nothing to focus on, Caitlyn was finding herself drifting.  She did nothing to change it, and in fact welcomed the detached state of mind.  Not being able to focus meant she didn’t have to think.

Right now, Caitlyn feared thinking more than anything.  She feared where her thoughts would take her, what they would reveal to her.

It had been three weeks since… since… since what she didn’t want to think about had happened.  Three weeks of not thinking, of simply reacting, of drifting through life.

Caitlyn knew it wouldn’t last.  Knew that she was in a state of shock, of denial, in a grief she was protecting herself from by refusing to acknowledge.

She knew she wouldn’t be able to refuse it forever. 

“Mattie!” she called again, deciding that finding her daughter was more important, more distracting than her ruminations.  She began to wander the mansion, checking the rooms as she went.

It was in the dining room that she found a small pile of papers.  When she checked them, she found the letter on the top.

Mother,

I’ve been thinking about a lot this last month or so.  There has been just so much that I scarce feel like I’ve had the chance to digest it all. 

You’ve always been a good mother.  The best I think a girl could wish for.  You always made sure I had what I needed, and always supported me, and I’ll always be thankful for that.

But I’ve had twenty years to know you.  And I only had a few days to know Vi. 

I think, well, I think that just wasn’t enough time.  I wanted more, so much more to know her.  So I think I’m going to spend some time doing just that.

I’ve decided I’m going to reopen The Last Drop, and to run it myself.  I think that by doing so I can get some more of that time, and get to know my other mother. 

Oh, this isn’t goodbye or anything!  I’m not meaning that I want to cut you out of my life or something dramatic like that.  Give me a few weeks to get settled, and I’ll call you. 

You’ll be able to visit the bar, if you want, and I’ll be sure to visit on weekends, or whatever days I get off, or holidays. 

I love you, mom.  Nothing will ever change that.  But I guess it was time for me to leave the nest.

Love,

Iris

By the time Caitlyn had finished reading the letter she was clutching her chest, feeling the chills of a desperate fear that had come on halfway through the letter.

For a moment, she had truly thought that Mattie was leaving for good, that she had driven away her daughter, the same way she had driven away her bond mate, that she had ruined the only relationship left in her life that made it worth living.

She could only hope that Mattie meant her reassurances, meant that she was still going to be part of Caitlyn’s life.

Caitlyn clung to the hope, even as she traced the signature on the letter.  The first page on the stack of documents underneath it was visible, and Caitlyn recognized it.

It was a petition for name change.  In the eyes of the court, it was recognized that one formerly Mathilda Cassandra Kiramman was now officially Iris Powder Lane.

Caitlyn read the name again, and for a moment she waged between despair over the fact that her daughter had abandoned the name she had given her, the one she had used for twenty years, and acceptance that the name she had chosen had been her first one, the one she had before Caitlyn had stolen her.

Iris really was a better name than Mathilda.  And Caitlyn could well understand why she would want to distance herself from the name ‘Cassandra’.

“She’s gone,” Caitlyn whispered, into the empty room, the empty manor.  Into an empty life.

All the people that Caitlyn cared about had left her.  Her family was all gone.

Mattie… Iris was gone.

Vi was gone.

The thought struck her, despite all her effort to avoid it.

Vi was gone. 

Vi was gone.  Vi was gone.

ViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgoneViwasgone

The one thought that she didn’t want to think was suddenly stuck on repeat, a mantra, a eulogy.

Vi was gone.

The first racking sob caught her by surprise, and she tried to stop it, wrapping her arms around her waist, but it could no longer be stopped.  The first was followed by a second, and before she realized it, before she could stop it, she was on her knees, bawling.

Memories flashed through her, disjointed and sudden like a badly spliced movie: the first time she had saw Vi, grinning and cocky.  The one night they had together, of her touch and the way she felt when Caitlyn was inside her.  The impact of Vi’s fist against her nose, her tears in the hospital, the clink of their glasses as Vi thanked her…

“It’s too late.” 

Vi had said that to her on their last meeting, and Caitlyn, as she always did, completely misunderstood her omega.  Caitlyn, desperately thinking that Vi was talking about them, selfishly making it about their relationship when Vi had been literal, that it was simply too late, that she was dying.

“Five years ago, well, I would have just shrugged, and told you to do what you want.”

The cut off, the point of no return.  When Vi had been told she needed to stop, that choosing to continue the suppressants would be fatal and Vi had chosen to do so anyway.  When she had decided that she would rather die than stop, that her anger at Caitlyn was worth more than her life.

“One month.  Thirty days.  I have… I have things I need to take care of.”

The doctor’s had already told her that her life was ending, that she had half a year, probably less left.  And what did Caitlyn do, but show up, all but demanding a second chance, wheedling for an opportunity that had long since expired.

And now Mattie… Iris was gone, and Vi was gone, and Caitlyn’s chances were gone, and hope was gone, and all she was left with were the ashes of the life she burnt down, that she had no one to blame for but herself.

She wasn’t sure how long she was there, bawling.  It felt like an eternity, but nothing truly was an eternity, and eventually her sobs trailed off, and she simply sat alone in the foyer, her breath coming in hitches.

The grief had hit though.  It couldn’t be denied any more.

Slowly, listless and lost, Caitlyn rose to her feet.  Automatically, as though without her conscious orders, they led her to her office; her office, and the cabinet in the corner.

It had always been the place that Caitlyn had stored all files related to Vi: the initial contracts from Mattie… Iris’ birth, reports from the private investigators that she had hired.  Besides those were other documents, newspaper clippings of the times the civil rights movement had begun, their victories and defeats detailed in articles from journals about the same.  Things she knew Vi had been responsible for, things she had accomplished. 

She hesitated, distracting herself from her reason for being here to pull out one particular article: it contained a widespread shot of the protests.  There, in the foreground holding a sign was Vi, mouth open as she chanted with the rest of the group.

As far as Caitlyn knew, it was the only documented evidence of Vi’s involvement with the movement.

She studied it before she slowly put it down.  Her hands moved slowly but inexorably for the top drawer, and the only document it contained:

Vi’s last letter to her, delivered at the will reading.

It had remained unopened, placed in the filing cabinet.  The knowledge of its existence had never really left her thoughts, a continuous and nagging awareness that she had been desperate to ignore but unable to forget.

Caitlyn had given serious thought to never opening it.  She had considered simply destroying it, burning it without ever seeing the content. 

She didn’t know what was in it, what to expect.  Had it been written after Vi and her had their final meeting, after they had approached something of an understanding?  Was it written before that, before they had even the tentative common ground of the movement between them?

Did it contain absolution, a forgiveness for a mistake made so long ago?  Or did it contain condemnation, the final word on the same act?

Caitlyn swallowed, her hand shaking slightly.

In the end, it was as her daughter had said:

It was better to know, than to not.

She sat at her work desk, removing a silver letter opener and breaking the seal of the envelope.

Kiramman

No, I guess Caitlyn is fine.

I’m writing this the day after our talk.  I had another letter before, a pretty vicious one. 

I had spent years writing it, like really working at it, you know?  My final ‘Fuck you, Kiramman’.  I was pretty proud of it.

I guess after our conversation though, I reread it, and it just seemed pointless, so I’m writing this new one instead.  I know I don’t have much time left, so it won’t be anywhere near as good as the first one. 

I mean, as put together, ‘cause there really wasn’t much good about the first one, but you know what I mean.  I guess.

Shit I’m bad at this.

Look, after we talked, I touched base with Ezrael, the bartender that interrupted us on BBAM.  I played the whole beta angle up (no one these days really knows I was ever anything else) asked him about the scent.  He did that thing that sensitives do where they try to dramatize the pheromones and all.  It was pretty silly and kinda stupid, but I got the gist of it. 

So I get it.  Your sorry.  Like really, actually sorry.

That actually meant a lot to me.  I spent years not knowing how you felt about everything.  I guess I built it up in my head, that you were some sadistic sociopath like your mom.  Like maybe you bragged about it at some rich alphahole meeting where you all got together to compete about who fucked over who or something.  But Ez wouldn’t lie, and the read on the room I got was that you were pretty broken up over it.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is I get it.  I don’t really know if I forgive you or not, but I know you at least know you were wrong.  And Mattie turned out alright.  I mean, spirits, what a little sweetie muffin.  Not sure how she would have turned out if I had been there, but all things considered at least you didn’t fuck that up, so thanks. 

Shit, I really am bad at this, aren’t I?

And I guess I gotta apologize about that whole ‘give me a month’ thing.  You were just sitting there, looking so damn earnest, and I, I like couldn’t break it to you.  Couldn’t tell you I was about to keel over, that hell, I could die any day, so I gave you some bullshit about needing time.  But by now you’ve probably figured out that I was out of time five years ago.

I never regretted taking the suppressants.  It did shit to my body like you wouldn’t fucking believe, and the last few years I think I had more aches and pains than I had actual nerve endings, but I didn’t regret it. 

All those years ago when you gave me that bullshit line about not wanting your body to control you, well I guess I got it in the end.  It’s been decades since I sniffed a pheromone, but I still remember yours.  And if I had been sensitive when you showed up, if Ez was right, then shit, I probably would have forgiven you and freaking swooned.  Me.  Swoon.  Fuck that.  But the thing of it is, I think it would have gone both ways.  Yeah, I wouldn’t have helped falling in love with you, but I think in the end you really would have fallen for me too. 

No matter how shitty things were back then, maybe if I had just toughed it out, maybe if I was still sensitive, maybe we could have still ended up together, reconciled, hooked up, whatever.  I started taking the suppressants out of spite, even if maybe we could have still worked.

All those years ago, if we hadn’t been a pair of dumbasses, then I think we would have been happy.  But if I was happy, would the movement have happened like it did?  Would it be better, or would it be worse?  What about everyone else who’s happier now because we never could pull our heads from our asses?

So I guess to me the suppressants began to sorta mean that, or symbolize it, or whatever fancy word you want to use.  They were what let me focus on the cause, to throw myself into it.  They were what gave me the strength to keep at it. 

Five years ago, when they told me that I had to stop or they were going to finally kill me, I decided I would rather keep taking them.  To me, they were what gave me the strength to make everyone else’s lives better, not just mine.  The thing about being ‘ride or die’ is eventually the ride ends.

So I guess that’s the best I can give.  I know, it’s a dogshit explanation.  Sorry that I died and all, but that’s the reason I did, so I guess I hope that helps.

And… I guess I have a favor to ask.  You said that you wanted to give us a chance, that you would be willing to do anything and all that jazz.  That you wanted to prove yourself and everything.  I mean, if you’re reading this I’m dead, so maybe that’s not really the case anymore, but I guess if you were serious I suppose there is something I want you to do to prove it.

Protect the movement, Caitlyn.  We’ve come so far, but there’s still so much more out there, so much wrong and shit that’s still happening.  If you still mean it, if you still want to make it up, to prove it, then don’t stop.  Keep helping.

Fuck, that was dramatic.  I am such shit at this.  I mean, yeah, this is just a rough draft that I had to get out as fast as possible so you didn’t get the ‘fuck you’ letter after we had our talk, but I know I can do better. 

Anyway, so I guess that’s what I want.  You help the movement, you keep winning for them, and the next time we meet, you can tell me what you managed to get done, and we can go from there.

So I guess this is good bye till then, Cupcake.

Vi

***Scene Break***

Caitlyn had pulled a chair from the dining room to the sitting room, the one with the large fireplace.  A small fire, only occupying a portion of the actual fireplace, was blazing merrily.

She sipped at the tumbler of whiskey, slowly.  The quiet burn, the flavor was more an afterthought as she stared into the flame. 

Vi’s letter had been folded carefully, returned to its envelope and placed in the filing cabinet.  Caitlyn thought it likely that she would probably read it again tonight.  Probably she would read it often in the future. 

Beside her, on a small table she had dragged over along with the chair was a large size stack of letters.

Most of them were from omegas seeking to court her.  She used to read them, maybe not carefully but at least give them the effort of a proper read, before she would consider them.  Most of the time she would draft a polite refusal but occasionally she would arrange a formal meeting, mostly to be polite but occasionally to see if maybe the omega might be a potential match.

With Vi gone, she didn’t see the need for even that pretense anymore.

She picked one off the top, and gently fed it into the fire where it joined so many others and waited for the rest.

Caitlyn was grateful.  Grateful to her daughter, for having the optimism, the stubbornness, the strength of character she had, the faith to assert ‘it is always better to know than to not’ and that she had shared that belief with Caitlyn.  Iris was right, it was better to know.

Caitlyn was also grateful to Vi.  She was glad she had read the letter; glad she had this last insight into the mind of the love she had squandered.  She was glad that she had an explanation, a reason for the choices that Vi had made, for the understanding that Vi had made sure to share with her.

She was also glad that Vi had changed the letter, because if she hadn’t and Caitlyn had received the original than Caitlyn wasn’t sure what she might have done. 

She eyed the heirloom musket above the fireplace.  She knew it was fully functional, tested it regularly to ensure it was.  If Caitlyn had received a final ‘Fuck You, Kiramman’ than maybe she would have tested the musket one last time, in the state she had been in.

Now though, now Caitlyn felt calm.  Not happy, still in grief, but calm, acceptance for the state of affairs present in her.

Vi had told her what she needed to do.  The omega had shared just what Caitlyn needed to accomplish to earn her chance. 

In a way, the civil rights movement was something the two of them had created together without ever even realizing it.  Just like Iris, it was the result of their efforts, the results of their contributions, another child of theirs they had raised without ever realizing it. 

Knowing how much Vi had cared for it, how deeply she had committed herself to it, how could Caitlyn do anything else but to love it?  In a way, it was the second legacy of the two, with Iris always being the first.  But this was the legacy that Vi had a hand in creating, that she had been able to shape like Caitlyn had shaped Iris.  This was what had kept Vi grounded, what gave her purpose in her darkest days.

Caitlyn had been indifferent to the movement when she first joined.  It was just a way to make up for her own failures to the omega.  As time had passed, Caitlyn’s understanding of just how terrible the discrimination truly was, just how much exploitation had been woven into the very laws and culture of their society.  She had committed to the cause at that point, actively seeking to make the world better not just to repent, but to truly combat the unfairness of the world.

Now?  Now Vi was gone, and her last request was to continue.  So Caitlyn would.  She would make sure nothing could threaten the wave of change that had been cresting for the last twenty years.

“To the movement,” she murmured to herself, holding her glass up, imagining it tink against another glass. 

She sipped it, feeding another letter into the fire, and turned her mind to how best to proceed. 

Several ideas were immediately apparent to her.

Chapter Text

the life she had expected

It didn’t take long for Iris to realize she was in over her head.

Fortunately, she wasn’t in too deep that she couldn’t deal with it.  Just, wow, this was a lot more than she had anticipated.

The first week was a whir for her.  She had moved into her mega-mother’s loft above the bar, and had spent a day just wandering it and the bar, looking over the pictures, studying the scenery, familiarizing herself with her new home.

She felt as though she could just stay there for a year and let the quiet whisper the stories that the bar had seen.

Unfortunately, whimsy and imagination weren’t enough to run a business.

The second day had been a hair pulling exercise in frustration as she dug into Vi’s computer to learn everything she could about the business itself.  Iris quickly discovered that her mother had been a meticulous chronicler and an inefficient organizer.

Also, Vi’s accounting software was so old that it had probably at one point roamed open plains, dodging Tyrannosaurs, and mingling with the other dinosaurs.

In the following days she was a flurry of activity; organizing old reports, identifying vendors, reviewing profits, and discovering community events.

And what events there were.  Iris felt like her eyes were spinning as she realized just how deeply involved Vi had been with the community: Omega Pride, Beta-Buddy Awareness Meetings, Consensual Alpha Planning, OmXOm Support…

The list went on and on, and Iris realized she had no idea what most of these movements or support groups or awareness initiatives even were.

Still, Iris was nothing if not dedicated.  Within a week of long nights, excessive coffee, and a disregard for sleep which was probably non sustainable, Iris had managed to affirm her inventory, contact vendors for future deliveries, locate all the previous staff and confirmed their continued employment, open several social media pages to announce the reopening of The Last Drop, and at the very end, get a full night’s sleep.

The last one was the most important accomplishment to her sleep deprived state.

And so, life went on.

Regulars were wary of Iris at first, but warmed to her slowly.  Being Vi’s daughter was enough to get her foot in the door, but Zaun was especially cautious of strange alphas.  But Iris was earnest, and sincere, and people could see that.

There were ups and downs.  The first time Iris tried to use Zaunite slang, she was laughed at for her accent and for using the term wrong.  She made mistakes, social gaffes that came from being a girl raised in Piltover’s elitist society that was trying to live in the heart of Zaun.  But she kept trying.

In the end, her sincerity won over the hearts of the otherwise cautious and downtrodden working class Zaunite.

The first time she used Zaunite slang correctly, there was laughter again but this time at the ridiculousness of hearing course language from her Hochpiltisch accent.  The first time Iris got a black eye from having to throw out a Piltover alpha who had tried to pheromone pressure an omega had earned her a cheer from the rest of the patrons, and she had grinned back in triumph.

And Iris continued her mother’s involvement with the community.  She could barely keep track of them all, at first, but with time she was able to distinguish between the Voluntary Beta Movement and the Platonic Beta Partner Initiative, between the AlxAl and the alXal, between Omega Pride and OmXOm Support.

Zaun was a dizzying blur of colors to Iris.  Piltover had been static, rigid, a place of custom and antiquity.  Zaun was an ever-developing riot of change and innovation, and Iris found herself absolutely and completely smitten with it.

Within a year, she was an accepted and common sight of the city, calling herself Ir, pronounced Ire, by that point, and the known owner of The Last Drop.

Within two years, she was a regular at all the various prides and awareness groups.

Within three years Ir witnessed with great amusement how one of the regulars at the bar passionately declared to a visiting beta from Piltover that Ir had always been a part of Zaun and that her accent was entirely a result of over exposure to the constant influx of tourists like the beta.

‘And now I am one of them,’ Ir had thought to herself, before shouting at Ez who was too busy flirting and not busy doing what she damn well paid him to do!

It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t quick.  There were ups and downs.  For instance, Ir nearly died three times on her first meeting with her Auntie Jinx.

The first was when Jinx had broken into the bar and held her at gun point for having stolen The Last Drop from Jinx’s sister.  The second was when Ir had explained that she hadn’t stolen the bar, but been given it by her mega-mother and Jinx realized that yes, Ir was Caitlyn’s daughter as well and had nearly shot her for that alone.  The third was when everything had been explained and Ir had realized that this blue haired maniac was her aunt, and asked if she could call her that.

It took time, and effort, and near-death experiences, but eventually the older woman had allowed Ir enough leeway to begin to get to know her.  After enough time and observation had passed, eventually Jinx had announced that since Ir was half Vi, Jinx would give her half a chance.  And if she messed up that chance Jinx would kill her and bury her in an unmarked grave.

Four years into her move to Zaun, Ir was a regular babysitter for Auntie Jinx whenever she and Auntie Lux wanted a night out.  Ir had actually physically fought another potential babysitter at one point for the honor.

It’s just… Ir had family.  Family outside of her mother and that thing that had birthed her mother.  She had an aunt, she had cousins.  She had kin she had never known about, others who shared her blood.

Ir would do terrible, terrible things to anyone that even looked like they would harm that connection.

It was also through Auntie Jinx that Ir was able to find Vi’s grave.

She would spend an hour or more a week by that grave, telling her mega-mother about her week, about what she had done or accomplished.

About what she had learned, as well.  Vi’s terrible organization had gradually been overcome, and her ardent chronicling had born fruit as Ir was able to delve deeper and deeper into her mother’s past, learning about her and all she had done.  Ir’s heart swelled with pride the more she discovered of her mega-mother’s accomplishments, what she had done and where she had gone.

Caitlyn would occasionally join Ir at the grave.  After the initial push had finished and Ir felt she had enough control over the bar and her life, she had reached out to her alpha-mother, just as she had promised.

They spent Tuesdays together, the one day of the week that Ir shut down the bar to the public for cleaning and inventory, and so she could get the hell out and have a day to herself.  Holidays were also spent together, and Ir and Caitlyn spoke or texted often throughout the week as well.

Ir had made a life for herself.  It wasn’t the life she had expected.  She had never been certain what she had wanted, so she had never planned a life for herself.  Instead, she had stumbled on it.

But she enjoyed her life, and was proud of it.  That was enough.

***Scene Break***

“Ez, you had better have gotten table three by this point,” Ir gritted out, teeth clenched.  “Because if you haven’t, I will be very upset with you and express it in a completely rational and very well-reasoned way.”

“Yeah,” Ezrael grinned, tossing a lock of blond hair out of his eye.  He was looking entirely too cheerful, and Ir felt the totally rational urge to punish him for it.  “How you holding up, boss?”

“Like a horse kicked in my teeth, and I tried to kick it’s back and in return it kicked me in the tit.”

Ezrael smiled, though he also made sure to keep his pheromones very level and very calm. 

“Gotcha.  Table three is done, and I’ll just go make a round of the bar.  Sound good?”

“Yes, do that immediately,” Ir told him, and sighed, gritting her teeth and being inordinately grateful for his understanding.

Why, why the hell had she ever volunteered for Unsuppressed Awareness?  No, scratch that, why the hell had she done it again?

The idea was simple, and the goal was one she supported.  In order to foster awareness of the importance of suppressants, you volunteered to go through one unmedicated rut or heat.  It was a common movement, and she wasn’t the only one going through this.  Hell, this was her fourth year participating.

Spirits be damned, how the hell had their ancestors dealt with this shit?  Ir had just finished her rut, and wasn’t actually being hormonally affected at this point.  But spirits-damnit, was her body feeling it.  Even the after effects of an unsuppressed rut made Ir feel as though she had ants under her skin, and they were creatures of evil and wrath dedicated solely to making her miserable.

Grumbling in her discontent, Ir kept one ear open to the bar in general.  Someone, Ez probably, had turned the channel to the news, and two talking heads were on in the background.

“Another stunning victory for lawyer and civil rights activist Caitlyn Kiramman again,” one of the talking heads announced, smiling too white teeth that Ir hated on principle.  Because she hated everything right now.

“With the case of Samira vs. Hoskel, this will be the fifth case won by Kiramman in the year,” the other talking head also displayed too white teeth.  Ir hated them too.  “This streak of successful cases only highlights the dedication that the supposedly disgraced Kiramman family has truly brought to their initiative.”

“Oh, turn it up,” Ez shouted, busily cleaning a table but looking back at the TV as he did so.  Ir considered spitefully ignoring him, but her own interest caused her to find the remote, raising the volume and paying attention to the story which had also caught her own interest.

“It’s hard to believe that five years ago, when Kiramman announced her own flagrant abuse of omegas, that we would somehow find ourselves here today.”

“Indeed.  In a stunning reveal to the public, one of the beloved heads of the civil rights movement had shockingly announced the perpetration of borderline criminal acts committed by herself,” one of the talking heads regurgitated the old news, smiling too brightly.  “The outrage of the people at the admission was only furthered when it was determined that no legal wrongdoing had actually occurred!”

“A dark revelation for many, no doubt,” the other talking head played in.  “Many thought it was the end for Kiramman’s ambitions.  The revelation of the oppressive acts by one of their own was like a dagger to many who believed in the movement.  However, though the names of the victims were never released, multiple independent auditors attested to the relief that Ms. Kiramman had subsequently provided to her own victims.  The earnest reparations to the wronged parties, along with the unexpected and entirely unprompted announcement by Kiramman herself threw the world for a loop!”

“I’ll say,” the talking head declared, their expression an artful display of shock.  Ir hated it.  She hated everything right now.  “But capitalizing on her own admission, the foundation she went on to create has taken the upper reaches of Piltover by storm!”

“Right you are,” the other announced.  “Ms. Kiramman’s promise to aid those who were in similar positions, while originally having been met with hesitation has taken a life of its own!  In the last four years over twenty-five cases have been successfully brought to conclusion.  With the latest case, the total amount of reparations having been awarded is now brought to forty-three million.  While some of these cases have represented already deceased victims, the families of those victims have all expressed gratitude at exposure of their loved ones’ circumstances, as well as vindication over the perpetrators of the acts.”

“Fuck yeah,” Ez cheered, before coughing and dutifully making a show of attentively cleaning a table when Ir turned to glare at him.

She wasn’t really upset.  Not really.  Ezrael just had one of those personalities where over the years her default response to anything he said was scolding.  He was a good guy, but with a somewhat flaky personality.  Ir had eventually come to think of him as an older brother, albeit one who was an idiot and needed supervision constantly.  She really wanted to say it was his fault for being the way he was, but that came just too close to victim blaming, so she grumbled and rightfully acknowledged that her current irritation was entirely the result of her biology and resolved to give Ez some chocolate later to apologize. 

In the meantime, she would continue to glare at him.

“Man,” the doorman, Zac, had drifted over to the bar, eyes fixed on the screen as he paid attention to the news report like much of the room.  “Hard to believe that even someone like her had been a total alphahole at one point.”

It was early on a Wednesday, and the bar was slow for the moment.  It would pick up later, when the night’s event began, but that wasn’t for a few hours at this point.  Tonight’s event, Ace-Alpha Assembly, would bring in only a minor crowd, but they would be boisterous enough, and it would be important to have some hands on deck.  Pure alpha meetings were always hit or miss for Ir.  It might be a bit of a stereotype that when you had too many alphas in a room that they would fight for dominance, but it wasn’t exactly an unfounded stereotype in Ir’s experience.

In the meantime, though, it meant that Ir had to put up with Zac’s almost religious level of fanboyism for her mother.

“It was such a blow when she came forward five years ago,” Zac went on, picking up speed as he segued into his favorite topic. “But I think it was incredibly brave to come forward and admit her mistakes, and she’s been doing so much to make up for it!”

Ir had to resist the urge to roll her eyes and began lip-synching an all too familiar rant, but she did so because unlike Ez, Zac was entirely incapable of being unliked.  Despite his giant frame, he had the personality and temperament of an adorable puppy dog, and it always made her want to reach out and scratch the omega’s ears and offer him treats. 

“Who was doing what now?” a new voice came from the front of the bar, and Ir raised her hand as Rell, the beta member of the night’s crew arrived.  Ir liked the other girl enough, barring one specific issue, even if Ez liked to give them shit about both being long lost twins for being buff, blonde, and into femmes.  He kept asking when Ir was going to get matching facial piercings, providing excuses for Ir to throw dishtowels at him.

“Oh, we were just talking about Ms. Kiramman,” Ez called out in a sing-song tone as he carried a tray of dishes to be rinsed and steamed.  Rell rolled her eyes as Zac perked up even more.

“Did you know I even met her once?” Zac enthused, and Rell patted his head as she walked by

“Really?” the beta asked, tone dry.  “Why don’t you tell us about it?”

“Oh, sure!” Zac didn’t even catch the dry sarcasm.  “She just walked into the bar like it was nothing!  You know,” he leaned in to Ir giving her a wide, innocent, and serious look.  “I think she might have known your mom, Ir.”

“Oh, really?” Ir repeated.  The first time Zac had brought this up, she had actually been nervous, uncertain and stuttering.  She had never made her relationship with Caitlyn public, a decision to focus on being Vi’s daughter.  Now though, she liked to think up new lines to use whenever the topic was revisited. 

“It’s true!” Zac insisted, even though no one had doubted him.  “She walked in and went right to Vi at the bar, then the two went upstairs.  I almost asked if I could shake her hand!”

“I was there, remember?” Ez pointed out, already diligently loading the steamer.  It disappointed Ir, as it meant she wouldn’t have an excuse to bitch at him.  Really, she was grateful that Ez was a good sport and made a wonderful chew toy when she was feeling down.  She would get him double chocolate at some point.  When she didn’t feel like hammered dog shit.

“Oh yeah,” Zac remembered, rubbing his chin.  Rell huffed as she shed her coat and made her way to the employee lockers.

“Yeah, well, it sounds like a good thing that Vi kicked that Piltie princess to the curb,” she muttered.  “Vi deserved much better.”

Ir grimaced, very much aware that Rell had been ten years younger than Vi, an absolute BMILF hunter, a dedicated submissive bottom, and a hopeless simp to her mega-mother.  That Rell made no attempt to conceal this information, being immensely proud of her orientation, had been a source of frequent uncomfortable silences for Ir.  Rell had a habit of immediately assuming anyone who had interacted with Vi had been as desperate for her as she herself had been, and as a consequence of this her assumption was automatically ignored by the rest of the bar whenever she talked about it.

It was the one issue she had with Rell.

Also, the fact that Rell had mentioned more than once just how much alike Ir was to Vi, and how Rell wasn’t actually seeing anyone right now, and how she wasn’t exclusive to betas and was willing to consider alphas…

Ir might have considered it if she hadn’t been aware that she would just be a substitute for her mother, and how Rell was a coworker.  It never was a good idea to date a coworker.  Or a borderline creepy ex-stalker of your mother.

In the background, the talking heads had moved on from their story, teeth too white and tones too cheerful.

“In related news, hacktivist group ‘Best Decision’ had released another list of names identifying alphas who had exploited the bond mate certification loop holes.  Though the identities and even number of these dedicated hackers and right activists remains uncertain, many have already begun speaking up in condemnation of the identified supposed perpetrators.”

“Glasc Industries has already announced their intent to fund any legal action taken against the identified individuals,” the other head added on.  “When questioned about their willingness to take action on unverified information from anonymous sources, the chairperson of the company, one Renata Glasc, announced that while they would take independent action to verify the information, they are certain that whoever ‘Best Decision’ is that they are acting in the interest of the people and simply making the best decision they could.”

Ir made a mental note to call Renata in the next few days and see if she and Neeko would like to get a drink sometime.

“You know,” Zac interrupted her thoughts, rubbing his chin again as he continued the original conversation.  “Didn’t Ms. Kiramman have a daughter or something?”

Ir coughed, but managed to keep it quiet enough not to draw attention to herself.

“Yeah,” Ez confirmed, already moving to take inventory, a list of liquors and spirits needing to be refilled in his hand.  “She was mentioned in the news a few years back, but she never really showed up.  Stays out of the public eye, you know?”

“I wonder what she’s like?” Zac cocked his head to the side.  Rell scoffed.

“Considering what those Pilties get up to, I bet she probably has more plastic in her than meat from all the surgeries she needed to correct the Piltie custom of inbreeding,” the butch muttered.  Rell had very firm and maybe even occasionally justified opinions on Piltover.  Sometimes though, she just liked to mouth stereotypes.  “And is probably spending all her time drunk on some private resort to get away from the fact that her mother was a mind-doming, omega oppressing alphahole.”

It took great effort for Ir not to frown at that.  She added it to a mental tally for reasons she was never going to have sex with Rell.

“Well, I’m guessing that her mother’s confession was probably a shock to her,” Ez at least sounded commiserating, and Ir resolved to not do something mean to him at some point in the future.  “It wouldn’t surprise me if she was trying to stay out of the public crossfire.  What do you think, Ir?”

Ir gave serious thought to her response for a moment.

“I heard,” she leaned forward, doing her best to sound utterly serious.  “I heard that she ran away and joined the circus.”

“Oh!  Nice one,” Ez grinned

“Heh!” Rell instantly got onboard with the idea, grinning toothily.  “You think she’s the new bearded lady?”

“Or maybe a trapeze performer?” Zac hummed thoughtfully.

“Whatever she is,” Ir announced, frowning with mighty seriousness, “I think she’s definitely surrounded by clowns these days.”

The group laughed at that, before a chiming at the door drew their attention.  Zac grumbled as they caught sight of a large group starting to putter in, and moved to the door to begin taking IDs and cover charges.

Ir gave a studious once over to the group, trying to judge how the night was going to go.  They were boisterous, a solid mix of genders, with higher priced clothes.  College students, she finally decided, probably grads.  Probably tourists, making a trip down to Zaun in order to ‘enrich’ themselves by taking in the historical districts, and pretend that they’re slumming despite being in the safest part of town these days.

Ugh.  Ir preemptively was reaching for the fireball cinnamon whiskey in anticipation of a round of shots when she froze.

Chrysanthemums and spearmint.  A cool autumn day where the scent of flowers still lingered and leaves were just beginning to show their color.

Stunned, feeling as though the whole world had somehow simultaneously been placed on both pause and slow motion, her eyes were dragged of their own volition to the group that had just entered.

A veritable mane of pink hair, an angular and feminine face, with a little blue star tattooed under her eye greeted her gaze, staring back with equally wide and shocked eyes.

‘Oh dear spirits,’ Ir realized, swallowing.  ‘Oh, wow.  I honestly never expected this.’

A bond mate.  Her bond mate.

The sheer improbability of it, that her bond mate had just walked into her bar by accident, that she even had a bond mate at all, that anyone, ANYONE could be so instantly and undeniably attractive and irresistible, could smell so amazing crashed down on Ir.

The other girl, the omega, was staring at her like she was feeling just as shocked as Ir was.  Then Zac asked her for her ID, and it seemed to snap the other girl out of it.  Fumbling, alternating glances between her purse and Ir, she said something to Zac and then laughed nervously.

It was enough to pull Ir out of her own daze, and she immediately panicked and ran a mental inventory.

Ir was wearing a novelty beater with a print that read ‘Alphight you!’ and had a cartoon picture of a zoanthropic wolf raising its fists like a boxer over a neon pink sports bra.  Her jeans were tattered, and had a stain right on the crotch that she had always meant to wash out but never got around to.  She hadn’t bothered to wash her hair in three days and her roots were showing since she had been putting off dying it until she felt better.  She stank of pheromones having just come off an unmedicated rut.  She couldn’t remember if she had brushed her teeth this morning, but she had a gut feeling that the answer to that was ‘no’.

Ir was an absolute mess and she knew it and OH DEAR SPIRITS THE PINK HAIRED VIXEN DESCENDED FROM THE HEAVEN’S WAS COMING RIGHT TOWARDS HER!

“Ez,” she hissed in panic, “Hide me!  Hide me right now!”

“Wha?” Ezrael blinked, surprised by the sudden demand, and Ir suppressed the urge to smack him

“Why are you so useless?!”

“Wha?” Ez repeated, sounding completely confused at this point, which did nothing to help Ir.

“Um,” the pink haired omega began, staring at Ir with wide eyes as she swallowed, expression uncertain but hopeful.  “Um, is it you?”

Ir swallowed hard, threw caution to the wind, leaned on the bar top, winked and gave the omega a cocky grin.

“Hi,” she told the omega.  “The names Ir.  It’s short for ‘irrationally attracted to you!’”

Oh spirits, oh spirits, oh spirits, she didn’t just say that, and what if this goes horribly wrong, and what if she thinks I’m cheesy, or if she just doesn’t want me, or if I ruined everything, oh spirits I ruined everything this is terrible and I want to die…!

The omega burst into laughter, one hand coming up to cover her mouth. 

“Oh my Janna, did you just use a line on me?” the girl giggled, and Ir swallowed.

“Depends,” she answered, still trying to not portray how utterly terrified she was.  “Did it work?”

“… Yes,” she admitted, bashfully looking to the ground, eyes darting up to look at Ir.

‘That’s it,’ Ir decided.  ‘I’m going to marry this girl.  I’m going to give her everything she ever wanted, and everything she never knew she wanted.  I’m going to introduce her to my mother, and keep her the hell away from Cassandra.  We’re going to argue about how many pups we’ll have, and what their names will be, and we’ll love every second of it.  We’ll grow old together and retire to Ionia someplace where there’s a beach but mountains nearby.  I’m never going to look at anyone else again, because there’s just no point now that I found someone perfect.

‘But first, I’m going to get her name.’