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I will miss the long walks we'll have when I get to show you every little piece of me. I will hold your hand and laugh at every joke you tell. We will walk at unison, your steps having to be bigger than mine due to your legs being shorter. Those nights, the wind will brush our messy hairs and I will have to scrunch down to be able to place my ear near your mouth so I can hear you. You'll tell me whatever will be on your mind and I'll get shivers down my entire spine to my toes. I'll be confused, not knowing if it was because of you or because of the cold nocturnal breeze. You'll laugh at me, and I'll get flustered, my cheeks will turn pinkish and yours will too after I, unknowingly, stare at your stupid gummy smile unable to get rid of my own.
We will sit down on our favorite place—where we will have spent so many other different nights—, and I will hug your side while stroking your soft and short black hair. I will admire you like I will have admired you thousands of times before, each time finding a new reason to find you even more ethereal. And I will ask myself; What did I do to deserve you? How did the world connect us?
I'll hope for you to answer without words. Maybe one of your moles will tell me the words I wouldn't know but will want to hear. Maybe your eyes will shine bright enough when they met mine to be able to tell me all the stories you were still too afraid to tell me, thinking I would judge or leave you. But I wont.
Though stronger than me, you will let yourself be carried to bed and be taken care of when you'll catch a cold. You will let me stay with you even after getting mad at me for asking for a few days off at work, just to take care of you. I will let you complain about my cooking and my poor medical skills. You will let me lay besides you after being stubborn about not wanting me to catch whatever you'll have. And we'll rest in each other's embrace. I'll smell once again your hair, telling you for the nth time how you smell of apples and cinnamon. You will just hum in agreement as you hug me tighter, hiding your head deeper in my chest, trying to hide your blush. And we will fall asleep without having to say much.
I will miss when you will write notes and stick them to the fridge on those days you'll wake up sooner than me to go to work, saying; "Mingi, I left coffee for you in the machine, just heat it for a few seconds. Have a nice day! Love you honey."
And I will smile sheepishly. That act will remind me of my own parents and how they always made coffee for two in the mornings even when one of them wasn't there. Then I will wish you a pleasant day out loud as well, hoping you will get to do everything you wanted that day and that you'll come home with a big smile.
On the days you will, I will hug you and kiss your forehead before asking about your day. I will listen to you carefully while we set the table and later on you'll ask me about mine while we are eating. I'll tell you every detail, knowing you will listen.
If the day went wrong, I will sense it as soon as you step home and I will, still, ask you about your day. I will hope telling it to someone will help you, and if that day you wouldn't want to talk, we will just have lunch in a comfortable silence.
But before all of that happens, I will have to meet you. I will have to get to know you, I will have to fall in love with you. I will look into your eyes asking myself if you feel the same as I do. I will ask you to hang out, to go have fun at a karaoke. I will ask you if you would want to meet my friends. I will slowly fall for you, and without noticing, I will be so in love with you... I will ask myself hundreds of times if you feel about me as I do about you. I will make up my mind to ask you out, even when I'll be so damn afraid if the feeling weren't to be reciprocated. I will stutter and stumble upon my own words trying to find the right way to explain how much I love you. You will look away from my gaze trying to find a hidden camera or someone laughing, unable to tell if I was being serious or not. I will say it again. "I like you." And then you will hug me, taking me by surprise as I slowly hug back. "I like you too."
And after that, we will just be with each other. We will just share lifes. We will simply stay in love.
And I miss it so much. I miss you so much. I miss how we'll slowly fall in love. I miss how we'll look into each other's eyes. I miss the company you have yet not given to me. I miss the hand who has yet not hold mine. I miss your name, even when I don't know it yet. I will miss your touch, I will miss your eyes, I will miss your laugh. I will miss you when you leave for a few days and I will miss you when you get mad at me.
I miss the future. Or is it that I fear the moment? I decide not to answer that question, because, there's one thing I know, and that is that I'm scared of answering that question. So I just won't, and I'll just miss you alone, sitting at my favorite place missing how you're not yet with me. And I'll simply write it down.
I'll write how much I'll miss our future.
Song Mingi, 13/12/2021.
"That's beautiful... I hope he doesn't mind if I keep this, at the end of the day, the wind brought it to my feet."
"Hey! Jongho! We were looking for you man,"
"Ah, sorry, coming!" He scrunched the paper into his jacket's pocket and run towards his friend.