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2nd December, 2022
“You’re lying?” You groaned, pacing across the living room, a newfound annoyance overcoming you. “It was supposed to just be a few of us, hanging out-”
“Nope. It’s just a few more guests, kid, she’ll be fine!” Steve interjected. You huffed. It was not fine. You’d planned a takeout night for Natasha’s birthday. Only a handful of you, watching movies and having some drinks, nothing extravagant, nothing that even came close to the idea of a party .
It was a well known fact that your girlfriend hated birthdays, it had just never really been her thing, especially since the blip had happened. She had been so overwhelmed with endless calls and meetings that any sort of celebration would be totally out of the picture.
“But it's not just ‘a few more friends’ is it? It’s now a party. That she won't even enjoy.” You spat out the last part, crossing your arms over your chest. You’d never normally be phased by a party, however this one seemed completely distasteful. With the current state of the universe, it had been years since anybody had really celebrated anything. You couldn’t understand why Steve had chosen now to get all cheerful.
“I’m doing you a favor, Y/N.”
You shot him a look. He raised his hands in surrender as you marched out of his room and towards your own.
You had a good hour to yourself before Natasha would return from her meeting and you could cuddle up in bed for the evening. Moments like those meant more to both of you than any celebration ever could. Being alone in each other's company was a gift, it was the only time you could see Natasha fully relaxed, guard down.
You tried to push aside your apprehension over her party, it’s not like she’d be mad, she could never be mad at you.
You waited patiently, mindlessly scrolling through your phone until you heard the doorknob begin to twist. You jumped up, delicately wrapping your arms around your girlfriend's shoulders before she could even close the door behind herself.
“You’ve really missed me huh?”
“More than anything” you mumbled into her neck. Nat chuckled softly, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead before wrapping her arms beneath your thighs and lifting you up.
You let your body relax into her, holding on tightly as though you could stay in her arms forever. You would if you could.
As she carried you back to your bed, you felt a heaviness within you begin to ease. Your anxieties never tended to last too long around her. Natasha made her way beside you, curling up against your side.
“Are you excited for your birthday tomorrow?” you asked softly.
“I’m excited to wake up next to you tomorrow.”
You smacked her arm gently.
“I’m being serious!” You pressed. Natasha’s hands found your own beneath your duvet, drawing light circles over your wrist.
“So am I.”
3rd December, 2022
Ironically, the compound was bursting with life. You hated to give Steve any credit, but the music and the atmosphere that had been created was beautiful. Various colleagues and friends you hadn’t seen in months littered the area. You couldn’t help but frown at the sight of people crowding around a bar, cocktails and fancy liquor in hand. It felt wrong. You thought of all the people that should have been here, all the people you had lost. You knew Nat would be thinking the same.
You felt an arm slip around your waist from behind and you immediately softened into her side. You turned to face your girlfriend, who offered a small smile. She seemed completely at ease from the outside, but you could see from the look in her eyes that it was all maybe a little bit too much for her.
“Hey” she whispered.
“Hi. How are you finding it?” You asked. Nat quickly scanned the room before diverting her attention back to you.
“I think I’ve made small talk with almost everybody here.” She chuckled lightly, “Which means I’m all yours again.”. You let out a soft sigh, leaning your head towards her shoulder.
“You know this isn’t what I had planned, right?”
“I know. It’s fine, baby, honestly.”
You took in your surroundings, everybody appearing to be pretty preoccupied with their drunken dancing and conversation. Surely nobody would notice if you went missing for a short while.
“I have an idea.” You looked up at her with a smug smile. “Grab a jacket.”
Tugging at Nat’s hand, you maneuvered your way through the crowds until you reached the kitchen, ducking below the counter. Nat watched you busy yourself, grabbing a couple of bottles before you disappeared from the room, following you closely so as not to lose you in the swarm of people.
As soon as you reached the hallway, the pair of you intertwined hands, small giggles escaping you as you practically skipping away from all the commotion. You felt like school kids running away from your class as you’d made your way to the garden, shushing each other as you fumbled with the keys to the back door.
You pressed yourself against Natasha’s side as you stepped onto the grass, the air hasher and cooler than you’d anticipated. Making your way across the lawn, you noticed the music from the compound growing fainter, settling into a quiet, distant hum. You could almost feel the tension dissipate from your girlfriend's body now that you were alone.
You laid out a blanket on the ground, and before you had the chance to sit down, Natasha had sprawled herself out across it, looking up at you with a devious smirk.
“Move over, asshole” You said, feigning annoyance. You couldn't hide your smile as she grinned up at you.
“Not moving.” She answered, “I’m comfortable.”
With a scoff, you dumped your bag on the ground and propped yourself on top of Natasha, not even getting a second before her arms circled your body and pulled you down so that you were face to face.
You couldn’t help but laugh at how annoying she was being. In all honesty you loved seeing her let loose a little. Even more so now, as it had become a rarity. Natasha loved trying to wind you up, and secretly you loved watching her try. You leaned in towards, peppering small kisses across her face, stopping only when you remembered the bag you had bought with you.
“How would you like a drink?” You asked with a grin, leaning all the way onto your side to pull two large bottles of wine into your hands.
Nat’s eyes widened.
“I fucking love this brand” She whispered, a smirk gracing her lips “We'd have been fine with only the one bottle" she added with a chuckle.
You rolled your eyes, unscrewing the lid. “It was supposed to be to share. It’s just ours now, I suppose we’ll just have to drink it all”
Nat laughed, smacking your thigh gently “Or we could just save the other one for next year. It’s hardly a cheap wine, we can't waste it”.
“We could do.” You mumbled, taking a sip from the bottle as Natasha sat up beside you, resting her head on your shoulder. “Could be our new birthday tradition” you laughed under your breath “Fancy wine in the fucking garden”
“Well I like it.” Natasha stated softly, turning your head with her fingers to face her own, sharing another kiss before she stole the bottle for herself. “It’s perfect,” she mumbled “Thank you for saving me from my own birthday party”. She turned to look at you with absolute sincerity, and you could still feel your heart thumping in your chest under her gaze, despite how long you’d been together. She would forever have this maddening effect on you, not that you minded.
You sat together for a while, joking and laughing underneath the stars, your bodies impossibly close as you kept each other warm. You had almost polished off the first bottle of wine between you, and you began to feel a little blurry.
“Maybe on your next birthday, everybody else will be back” you trailed off.
Natasha was still, before letting out a soft sigh.
“Maybe.” You couldn’t read her tone. Deep down you both knew it wasn’t realistic. It had been years since the blip and yet you’d remained oddly hopeful.
“Maybe you’ll be the one to save everybody” you whispered.
Natasha hummed. She knew you were just a little tipsy and tired, but she couldn’t help but cling onto your words and how sure you sounded. She’d never known anybody believe in her the way you did.
3rd December, 2023
You groaned loudly as you awoke, your hand pressing against your head. You felt as though you were suffering with the world's most intense hangover.
You glanced over at your clock.
4pm
You sat yourself up, reaching for the glass of water on your bedside table. It had been there a few days. So had you. You completely ignored your phone as it lit up from countless texts. You didn’t really care what people had to say to you today.
You thought about turning on the TV. You decided against it.
After half an hour of staring into space, you heard a soft knock at your door. Nobody would’ve expected you to respond to it - and you didn’t. At least whoever knocked could say they’d tried.
Thankfully for you, your headache ceased a little bit as the hours passed. It was now pitch black outside and you’d almost wasted the entire day. Natasha would have never let you sit and wallow for so long. She was an early riser. Every single fucking day. She would almost always wake you up before she started training. You used to grumble in your sleep as her warm body left your side, and she’d laugh at how cute you looked.
You remember how being sad used to feel. It used to feel like the end of the world, your emotions would run so high, and Natasha would be there every single time to bring them back down. Every single time without fail. She made everything better.
You reached underneath your bed. You still had it. The other bottle of wine. You couldn't physically bring yourself to go down to the garden. You couldn’t even undo the lid. To sit in that spot on the grass, drinking wine alone with nobody to talk to, that would have ruined what little sanity you had left. Maybe next year you could be braver. Baby steps are better than nothing, you thought to yourself, holding the bottle tenderly in your hands. You sat still for hours more, eyes glassed over as you waited for midnight to strike.
You had made it through the day, and that was enough.