Chapter Text
Dharma refers to the teachings and doctrine of the Buddha, and Dharmachakra means ‘wheel of transformation’ or spiritual change revealed in the Buddha’s teachings.
The Handbook of Tibetan Buddhist Symbols
I sit by the waterfall daily. Meditating. Thinking. The water falls. You fell. We fell. One by one. Why did everyone lay their wishes upon me? Was I so relatable? Trustworthy? Empathetic? Understanding? Was I serene? Compassionate? You made me wish I wasn't considered any of these things. Qualities I wanted that nobody saw in me. Never.
💮
At ten years old, I decided that I was not going to fall in love. I hardened this resolve and promised myself nobody would ever make me lose my way. I had no idea about what love was. I had no idea about what I was promising myself.
“Dite is crying again.” - Aioria whispered in my ears. - “The boy ate his dessert and kicked his leg.”
Once more, Dite was crying. Once more, because of the Italian boy. He still followed that boy everywhere. That boy clearly couldn’t treat him with the same kindness, so why? I couldn't understand the reason.
“Dite told me he loves the boy.” - Aldebaran said secretively to me and Aioria.
Deathmask... we didn’t know his real name, but he demanded us to call him like that because, in his words, it sounded cool.
He was the boy who got daily punishments and slept without dinner because of his disobedience and insolence against the elders, and Aphrodite - like the Goddess of love who bore his name - had found his Ares at such a tender age.
I didn’t want this fate.
💮
On a spring night of September, another child was thrown at the orphanage’s great hall during dinner time. The guard grabbed him by the arm without much patience, shouting Hurry up, brat! The child fell to his knees on the cold floor. We all heard the bump.
“Another puppy for the kennel.” - The guard told the kitchen lady. She and the other guards laughed. They left the child alone and occupied their night with small talk and cheap beers, as always.
All of the children in that hell of a place had similar stories to tell, so nobody was particularly touched or surprised. It called my attention though, that this puppy wasn’t crying.
Master Shion gently took him by the hand, lifting him from the floor, and introduced him to us. The child kept his eyes closed and head low the entire time.
“This is Shaka.” - Master Shion said calmly while patting the child’s messy bangs; nobody but me paid much attention.
Shaka... Shaka Maitra. Shaka... Short for Shakyamuni, the enlightened.
I remember the dessert was very delicious that night. Aldebaran and Aioria betted the fate of Aphrodite’s slice of cake. Would Deathmask steal it again or would Dite willingly offer him? While they discussed it intensely, I couldn’t stop to stare at you.
I was curious about you. A slender and runty blond boy with a runny nose. Such a frail appearance you had. We were all the same age but you were clearly smaller than everyone. You held on so tightly to your rosary, that your hand grew reddish.
Master Shion waved his hand, calling me closer, he informed me that you would share the bedroom with me, Aldebaran and Aioria.
I was very young and not yet a versed psychic, but I felt your warm cosmos piercing my soul. It was immense and innocent, compassionate and powerful. Just holy. Sacred. Scary.
Stars! Your light made me feel like crying for the first time. I was sure Master Shion - the most competent psychic of all Saints - felt the same.
Were you a Bodhisattva like the ones Master Shion taught me about? Those beings that renounced Nirvana to help others attain enlightenment?
Past that first shock... for me, Aphrodite was no longer the most beautiful child in the hall and I forgot what I had promised myself sometime earlier.
That perfume... Was it jasmine or lotus?
💮
“Why does he keep his eyes closed?” - Aioria asked, teasingly. - “Is he blind?”
Soon enough, the other children at the breakfast table joined him with their queries and provocations.
“He tells everybody that Buddha advised him to do it.” - Aldebaran replied, innocently. - “He is training under Buddha’s tutelage.”
“He prays before sleep.” - Aioria added, laughing so much, he had tears in his eyes - “Just yesterday, he was asking Buddha why we come to this world to suffer and die.”
The mockery started and the guffaws became loud. After all, we were only children that didn’t know better. I was sitting in my corner, as always, watching the situation escalate. While I ate my cheese sandwich, I thought that you didn’t deserve to be ridiculed. Too bad.
“Buddha who?” - Deathmask mocked - “Show us how much can you see with your eyes closed, Buddha-boy.”
He picked a porcelain plate and threw it at you. You didn’t dodge, maybe you didn’t see it, so it hit your head, and you bled. The noise became intense between laughs and echoes of Buddha-boy. And for the first time, since the mockery began, you moved. You calmly left the chair and sat on the floor. I recognized that pose. It was the meditation position of Lotus.
“Do you not realize the terrible punishment you will receive for hurting me?” - You said, a little cross, but mostly serene.
The laughs ceased, not because they were afraid of you but curious. We were clueless about what you were doing. You were talking about punishment, yet you weren’t attacking anybody. You sat immobile on the floor, eccentrically moving your hands. I could also recognize the gesture of your fingers. It was a mudra, but I didn’t know which one.
“We are all orphan children and we shouldn’t fight between us.” - you said, still peacefully. And then directed your sentence to Deathmask - “It is not my wish to fight a weak boy like you, but I cannot avoid it. There is no other way. I will silence the perplexity of my mind, with Buddha’s teachings, and I will destroy you.”
You elevated your cosmos to a level none of us understood yet. The seventh sense. An art only a few Saints dominated: the twelve Gold Saints. However, even the Gold Saints, just learned it during their adulthood. You had mastered it at only ten years old. It was clear to everybody you would grow to become one of the most powerful Saints.
Deathmask was crying behind Master Shion’s cloak. If it wasn’t for Master’s intervention, we knew you would fulfill your threat... since you were a child, you were never one to bluff.
Nobody referred to you as Buddha-boy ever again. The mockery ceased for good. And as time passed by, you would be respectfully known as The closest man to God. You accepted the praise - with no humility - but pride; considering it adequate, as was your right.
💮
Aioria was kicking, probably fighting someone, he was short-tempered even in his dreams. In the lower bed, sweet Aldebaran was hugging a bull plushie and snoring. You had your eyes closed as always but I knew, somehow, that you were awake.
I couldn’t sleep. I was a child, but in my soul, I felt angst. Something was wrong. I didn’t want to dwell on these feelings, and since my friends were already sleeping, I sought your company.
“Shakyamuni! Shaka Maitra! Shaka!” - I called you for the first time, and I enjoyed the sonority of your name on my lips.
It sounded magical like a chant. I hung my head over the bunk bed and my long hair cascaded on your lips and nose, you sneezed.
“Do you read minds like Master Shion? Is this how you found out about my name?” - You asked me, and I noticed you weren’t very impressed.
We had never talked before, so I was still learning how to read your expressions. It was difficult because you always kept your eyes shut.
“I do read minds, but not like Master Shion!” - I answered almost offended. At that level of power, I wouldn’t accept being compared to Master Shion. - “I didn’t read your mind, though... I know Shakyamuni because I’m also a Buddhist. Almost everyone in Tibet is.”
I saw your face lightening up and losing that typical seriousness. It encouraged me to continue talking to you and finally ask what I wanted.
“Shaka, could you ask Buddha if He allows you to teach me what you learned?” - I was being inconvenient, but you didn’t seem to mind because you smiled.
“Do you believe I talk to Him, then?” - You smiled again, probably feeling validated. You didn’t have the lower front teeth yet.
“I do believe!” - I replied genuinely - “I do and so does everybody who saw what you did earlier!”
We chuckled. Deathmask was a brat and it served him right.
I jumped to the lower bed and sat close to you. We were both excited and full of energy. That late-night chat invigorated us. It might have been the adrenaline of being awake at midnight - we should have been sleeping since nine o’clock! Or maybe, it was my spirit reunited with yours once again. I wondered if we had met before because I felt attuned to your warm cosmos like living creatures are attuned to the sun.
That connection I felt... Was it something trivial like children’s shared shenanigans or something complex?
The fire’s dharma is to burn. The water’s dharma is to flow. And our connection, Shaka. My connection to you...
It didn’t matter. I just wanted to be close to you.
Being that much bolder, I asked:
“Give me your hand!”
You hesitated. I insisted. You asked why.
“I can teleport us to the flowers’ fields!”
I answered your question and deliberately mentioned that place because I knew it was your favorite hideout. You often ran there to meditate, so I knew it would tempt you to accept my invitation. I was almost begging you. But you, always so strictly correct, refused. It wasn’t enough to make me give up, though. Desperately, I still tried to convince you.
“Shaka, trust me! I am a descendant of Muvians like Master Shion and we are competent psychics! My Telekinesis techniques are improving!”
“I do trust you! It is not that!”
Finally, you gave me your hand and let go of your doubts. I closed my eyes and concentrated. When I opened them, we were in the flower fields, close to the waterfall. You congratulated me and we embraced. It was warm in your arms. Your warmth... In my innocence, I had no idea how much it would become a necessity.
Pink and white lotuses floated in the river. In the grass, there were peonies, camellias, hibiscus, azaleas, and sunflowers. All thriving. We walked holding hands, aiding each other. It was dark but the starlight illuminated the flowers’ path. You did your best to not step on any blossom or bugs in our way. As we walked, I was reprehended by you continuously:
“Don’t step on ants”,
“Put this worm back in the grass”,
“This is a baby caterpillar”,
“Release the spider back into that flower”,
“They are little souls that deserve a life too.”
And you started your lecture about Buddhahood and animals, while our feet carefully crossed tree roots, wet mud, flowers, and stones.
“Animals can’t get enlightened or practice meditation, unless the animal is a bodhisattva, and thus not really an animal. So we never know if --”
In my shame, I couldn’t do anything but listen to you and obey your commands. Your thoughts were logical and I couldn’t rebuke them. I chuckle whenever I remember it. Perhaps, my heart started to love you that night, Shaka.
You were still sharing your knowledge until we found a suitable place to rest. We sat on some stones close to the waterfall because you refused to sit on the flowers. Your hand upon mine. I leaned my head on your shoulder and you rested your face over me.
The nocturne sky was starry. Stardust, starlight, starburst, shooting stars. Stars! An abundance of stars. So many stars that the moon became a supporting celestial body lost in the dark canvas. It was a spring night of September, the only period of the year in which we could behold the Virgo constellation. I wondered if the night was always that beautiful or if it was extra special because you were there with me.
It didn’t matter. I just wanted to be close to you.
“You are sad because of Master Shion.” - You said and my eyes widened. Not even I knew the reason for my heavy heart, but you did. - “I feel the sorrow in your soul.”
“Shaka... How? Are you psychic as well?”
“No. But I can clear the perplexity of my mind to read into your soul.”
Whatever you meant by that, I couldn’t comprehend. You were an enigma to me... and you are still. My dear Master Shion... Back then I had no idea about what was going to happen. The treachery, the pain, the disappointment, the cruelty... I didn’t want to think about it, so I changed the subject.
“Someday I will command the stars like Master Shion.” - I smiled and so did you. I picked a loose sunflower from the ground and gifted you. You groped the blossom and sniffed it.
“Sunflower?”
“Yes. I know you can’t see it. But it’s golden. Just like your hair and skin.”
“I want to tell you a secret.” - You said - “I deprive my eyesight to strengthen my cosmos. If I open my eyes I can see clearly... but my energy releases all at once. Don’t tell anyone. Never.”
You made me swear: pinky-swear. It was serious. I was astonished. Although I knew you weren’t blind, I didn’t know the reasons you had to keep yourself in the dark. Fortunately for me, you shared this secret pacifically...
Poor Ikki wasn’t that lucky.
“Open your eyes for me.” - It was a request, but in my eager curiosity, it probably sounded like a demand.
Surprisingly, you complied. Slowly, you opened your eyes. And as the eyelids widened, I couldn’t hold the expectation. I cataloged the colors in my mind: brown, black, grey, green, violet, hazel...
Morning-sky-bright-blue.
Morning-sky-bright-blue! Was it even an existing color? The bright sky in your eyes sucked out the colors of the night around us. Melting indigo petals, wavering waterfalls, blurry cerulean-lights. Your blue gaze seemingly burned, ignited by your overpowering cosmos. Burned!
It didn’t hurt me. But I felt like you could and would pulverize me with your blazing energy if you desired. And I was glad you didn’t.
Holy stars!
I probably spent some time in awe. However, you seemed to be just as amazed as I was. You whispered some interjections that sounded like Woah or Wow and lightly touched my face, hair, and brows. I noticed you were especially curious about my eyebrows, which I shaved in the ritualistic circular shape of my clan.
“You are beautiful, like a star.” - You said, not at all embarrassed, but surprised. - “Your skin is so pale under the starlight... and you have green starlight in your eyes too!”
I blushed. Unsure of what to say, I decided to also be honest:
“And you have a floral perfume.”
“Which flower?”
“Lotus. No, peony... I guess. Peony.” - I wasn’t sure but I had to pick a flower. I didn't want you to think I was obnoxious. I knew it was a floral scent, but I didn't know which flower.
You frowned. Peonies weren’t your favorites, clearly. We laughed. And then silence fell along the shooting stars. We made our wishes and shared our first kiss. A quick peck on the lips, under the starry sky.
💮
“Mu, concentrate! Your mind is not here!” - Master Shion was growing impatient. - “I will not be here forever to teach you!”
The sun was scalding hot. It was midday. I knew I needed to focus on the training. I was not only a soon-to-be Gold Saint and a psychic, but I would also become the blacksmith of the Saints. Many lives would depend on me. Only Muvians were capable of learning the ancient art of restoring sacred armor.
But your voice... Concentrate! Your face... Bring that mountain down with your mind’s power. Your smile... Concentrate! Your eyes... Fix this cloth! You have one hour! Your kiss... Concentrate!
“Master Shion!” - I cried out; it was impossible to focus. I couldn’t hold it for myself anymore - “Master Shion... Is it normal for boys to kiss boys? Aioria said boys should only kiss girls!”
I chuckle thinking about it... the sweet and raw honesty of a child. Master Shion coughed, perhaps for at least one minute. He knew I was talking about you, obviously. When he recomposed, he answered:
“When the heart commands, there is no such a thing as boys and girls. Love has no rules.”
I cherished these words. But as lovely as they were, Master demanded me to return to my training immediately and concentrate on the teachings, not on you.
Responsibilities arrived earlier for the little children of the Sanctuary, and each one of us was sent to a corner of the Earth, aiming to conquer the Gold Cloths. Aioria and I were going to stay in Greece. I would follow the teachings of Master Shion, and he would be a pupil of his brother Aioros, the Sagittarius Saint. Under the unkind training, we would rarely be able to talk and meet, but it brought me some comfort to know that at least he would stay.
Aldebaran embraced us and lifted us three from the floor effortlessly... Physically, he was the strongest, after all. He and Aioria grew to love you as a friend. And although you were the most silent of the group, I knew you were sad. We were only children... we didn’t want to be separated. We knew pain very well, and it saddened me the realization that we would have to endure it endlessly. We made a promise: none of us would die, so we could meet again at the Sanctuary someday. Pinky-swear. It was serious.
“It is time.” - Master Shion called us.
You said goodbye to us without much ceremony.
“It is necessary and we must do it. There is no other way. Goodbye, Aldebaran, Aioria...”
And then, you whispered secretively in my ear:
“Goodbye, Starlight.”
My Sunflower was gone.