Chapter Text
Katsuya had just turned nine years old the first time he noticed the bond forming around his heart. Lying in bed, he was playing Pokémon Red on his Game Boy. His mother had bought it for him for his birthday and it was the only thing he had done all weekend.
The feeling started as a slight pressure in his chest that made it increasingly difficult for him to breathe. A voice began to hum in his head, like a siren song wailing its loneliness louder and louder and louder until it became a desperate cry. Katsuya was too small to understand what was happening but the cord around his heart tugged harder and harder, demanding that he follow it.
The game system lay abandoned on the bed, the eight-bit song playing in a looping continuum. His bare feet stepped on the cold floor. Katsuya's footsteps were barely audible against the hardwood floor. He was barely conscious of opening the street door, dressed only in his yellow pajamas with the pants filled with dozens of little drawn Pikachu.
The nights were still cold in the early days of April. In the wee hours of the night, the sound of a distant car could barely be heard. The stars were barely discernible under the cloudy sky. His feet, black and scuffed, ached after hours of walking barefoot on the asphalt.
Katsuya had almost made it to the mall on the outskirts of town when his mother finally found him with purplish lips and shivering from the cold.
"Tsuya! Are you okay?" his mother hugged him tightly, tears sliding down her cheeks and her voice trembling. "I thought something had happened to you! You can't leave like this! Do you know how worried you had us?"
" He's calling me." Katsuya barely heard her, too worried about the deafening voice that kept screaming in his head. "Can't you hear him? He's all alone. There."
"There's nothing there." His mother turned around looking where Katsuya was pointing. "Let's go home, honey."
His mother took him in her arms and started dragging him to the car, where his father was waiting for them with the lights on.
"Noo! Noo!" Katsuya began to scream and struggle to get out of his mother's arms. "Mom, I have to go. I have to go. Nooo!"
All around her, the alarms of the parked cars began to sound. A beam of purplish light enveloped the cars completely and lifted them into the air. The manhole covers, and even the fences surrounding the mall compound began to shake.
"Katsuya, there's nothing." His mother tried to reassure him. "There's no voice. No one's calling you, it's just your imagination."
"He needs me! He needs me! It's not true! I hear it" Energy swirled around his body. The world seemed to be tinged with violet hues.
"It's not real, honey. It's not real." His mother kept repeating over and over. Her hands stroking Katsuya's curls.
"Tanako! Get the fuck in the car!" his father yelled opening the passenger door.
"B-but" Katsuya seemed to have lost all his strength.
The rest of the cars fell to their weight making a roar of shattering glass and metal crashing against metal. Katsuya collapsed in his mother's arms like dead weight. Hugging her neck, he tried to hide the tears. His heart kept telling him he had to go on but Katsuya felt completely helpless. His other half was somewhere but his mother didn't want to understand.
"Honey, you mustn't listen to the voices in your head. It's dangerous," his mother said sitting him in the back seat and strapping him in.
"But" Katsuya mumbled with his eyes glued to the road as they drove off in the opposite direction. "But."
"Promise me, Tsuya."
"I-I p-promise."
Sitting in the car, watching the trees run on the other side of the guardrails, Katsuya was still unaware of what that night was going to mean for the rest of his life.
***
Looking back, he was sure that that was the beginning of the end. His father had abandoned them soon after, and that had been almost three years ago. Katsuya had no doubt that it had been his fault and of the power within him. Katsuya was not normal and no matter what he did he was never going to be.
Sometimes he hated himself for waiting for his mother to leave too.
Nothing had been easy for her with a job that barely paid the mortgage and a kid that did nothing but cause her trouble. Katsuya still remembered the time their electricity had been cut off. Her mother kept insisting it had been the company's mistake, but no matter how hard she tried to pretend things weren't so bad, it was hard not to notice when Katsuya had seen the power company's notices on the table.
His "accidents", as his mother called them, weren't helping matters either. Katsuya had lost count of how many times he had ended up wrecking some part of the house every time he wasn't able to control his emotions. It was like a vicious cycle that had no end and fixing it always meant more money that they didn't have. His mother had already had to sacrifice too many things and apologize too many times for something she wasn't at fault for.
There was only one problem there, and that was Katsuya.
Things at school hadn't been much easier either. Katsuya had never been the most sociable kid, but overnight, everyone had stopped talking to him. Awkward silences seemed to play out wherever he went and stares followed him everywhere. Katsuya had felt like a weirdo wherever he went long before the insults started. He had been deluded to think that things would get better once he started at high school but the last thing he expected was to miss the days when people simply ignored his existence.
Many days, the only thing that didn't make him feel completely alone and abandoned was the voice that hummed in his head, sometimes happy, sometimes a little silly, sometimes sad or disappointed. Katsuya had grown accustomed to noticing the link around his heart. Someday he might follow it and find the one who called out to him. But not yet. His mother had begged him. She had asked nothing more of him but there were days when even keeping that promise was too much. On days when his anxiety overcame him, his steps would take him to the outskirts of the city and he would dream of the day when he would dare to take one more step.
Only on the Internet could Katsuya be himself. Everything was easier when he was just a name behind a screen. And it was there that he had met people like him for the first time.
The first time Katsuya had stumbled upon the forum where he spent most of his time online he had almost burst into tears. The threads spoke of abilities no one else had, of not knowing what to do with them or who to turn to, and of that voice inside his head. Of the bond that drove him obsessively to search tirelessly.
It was a relief to know that he wasn't crazy, that the voice in his head was real. For the first time he had a name for it, Soulmate. And a promise that, when he found them, they would be the most important person in his life.
***
Katsuya grunted and reached out to turn off the alarm clock. The headache he had gone to sleep with the night before was still like a background rumble. The thought of having to go to class turned his stomach but in less than a week he would be on winter break and, at least for a few days, he could lock himself in his room with his Gunplas and his video games.
Katsuya popped a buttered toast into his mouth before rushing off, bento in one hand and backpack slung over his shoulder. He had no more than fifteen minutes until high school but he always left with just enough time to not be late.
The bell had just rung when he finally walked through the door of his classroom, slid to his desk at the back of the room, trying not to draw attention to himself, and pulled out his math notebook. All the margins were filled with sketches. Katsuya took out his pencil and began scribbling. His song sounded happy. His soul mate must be having a good day. Around him, everyone seemed excited but most of the time Katsuya had no idea what they were talking about.
"Did you guys see that stuff last night?"
"The thing about the body the police found embalmed in that weird guy's basement? Yeah, that's crazy."
"The girl had been missing for several years. Do you think he killed her?"
A shiver ran down his spine. The news had been all over the feeds. Katsuya tried to pretend he was still not paying attention as he followed every word. His palms were sweating. Maybe it would have been better to ignore the conversation altogether but being caught off guard could be dangerous.
"It's fucking creepy. The guy had some weird powers and was obsessed with her. Did you see what he was saying? That he could hear her voice in his head. That's messed up, dude."
"Do you think it's true what they say about her having her killer's name tattooed on her body since she was a little girl?"
"That's got to be bullshit."
"Can you imagine if someone's name popped up? How scary."
"Hey, Serizawa, do you hear voices in your head too?"
"Is that why you always have that retarded look on your face?" Laughter erupted all around him.
Katsuya bit his lip and clenched his fists tightly until he felt his nails digging into his palms. His power vibrated irately under his skin. His mother usually tried to change the channel when some case involving people like him appeared on the news but it didn't matter. Katsuya hadn't needed much more to know that the man was just like him.
"Hey, Serizawa! Serizawa! Are you going crazy like that psychic on TV too?"
Katsuya stared at the words written in his notebook. The drawings seemed to be laughing at him. Being psychic didn't make him a monster. The man was crazy. As much as they looked alike, they weren't the same at all. Katsuya would never have hurt his soul mate. Even on good days, in their voice there was always a murmur in the background that sounded so sad. All he wanted was to be able to find them and make them happy.
"Can you imagine anyone in high school having Serizawa's name tattooed on them?"
"Shut up" Katsuya muttered.
"No! Poor whoever has to put up with it. Who would want to have someone like that smitten with you? Huh, Serizawa? Aren't you saying anything?"
"Shut up!" Katsuya yelled, covering his ears to stop hearing the laughter around him. "Shut up! Shut up!"
His power exploded in a wave that swept everything in its path. Katsuya was kneeling on the ground, hunched in on himself, eyes shut tight. Screams and moans of pain stabbed deep into his chest.
It might as well have been a bomb going off in the middle of the classroom.
When he opened his eyes, the chairs were sprawled on the floor, the desks overturned. Dozens of pens, pencils, markers rolled on the floor. The books had been ripped open, the spines crushed and the pages torn. Half of the blackboard had fallen to the floor, cracked from the impact, and a crack was climbing up the wall to the ceiling where it had been a moment before. His power still surged out of his body in waves, holding debris in the air. Katsuya was sure he had seen blood on the floor. Someone was screaming that he had broken their arm. Or maybe it was more than one voice.
Katsuya didn't know how long he had been alone in the middle of the completely shattered classroom when his mother's voice broke the silence. No one should have dared to approach him earlier. Katsuya was still in shock and hadn't yet been able to process anything he had done.
"It's okay, honey." Katsuya lifted his face and stared at her as she slowly walked forward, hands raised in peace and gaze blank. "Do you want us to go home?"
"I just wanted to be left alone." Katsuya muttered. He wasn't even able to get up. He was sure that if he tried, his legs weren't going to be able to support his weight. "I didn't want to hurt anyone. I-I didn't mean to... I'm not a monster. I didn't mean to hurt them."
Katsuya didn't realize he had started crying until the first tear wet his trembling hands.
"I know, honey." His mother hugged him tightly, pressing him to her chest. Her fingers rearranged his hair with a light caress. "I know."
***
The call from the high school had come the next day. At least three of his classmates were in the hospital and twenty others had needed some kind of medical attention. It was a wonder the government wasn't knocking on his door to lock him in some dark place and throw away the key. The school hadn't been that bothered. The decision had been unanimous. Katsuya was too great a risk to the safety of the rest of the students. The expulsion had been immediate. His mother had tried to battle on every possible front but her efforts only seemed to lead to new dead ends.
Katsuya couldn't help but wonder if it was really worth it. Even if his mother had managed to get him readmitted, Katsuya wouldn't have been able to go back. The mere thought made him so nervous that things started to float almost immediately. Changing high schools didn't sound much better to his ears when everything was going to go back to exactly the same the moment they found out he was psychic. Even something as simple as going down to the supermarket to buy whatever crap would test his control.
Kastuya had the impression of living in his own little hell and even going outside had become an ordeal. No matter what he did or where he was, he was followed by inquisitive stares.
In the neighborhood, everyone had heard the rumors and had been quick to judge him. It was as if Katsuya had disappeared behind his powers and nothing else existed. In the eyes of the rest of the world it was as if he had ceased to be human. No one had asked why it had all ended that way. No one seemed to care about the years of ostracism, insults and humiliation. All they saw were the three unconscious boys in the hospital. Those three kids had spent months having fun martyring him for something he couldn't even change.
The accident at the school had only confirmed the absurdities they were saying on TV. His mother had not even turned it on for weeks. The morbid curiosity of such a shocking murder seemed to have been engraved in the collective imagination. Katsuya was sure that if he had asked, anyone would have been able to answer that the prevalence of the marks was one per hundred thousand people or that the average age of manifestation was 7.8 years. His mother had finally decided to cut to the chase when she had found him engrossed in watching "the flip side of the myth of fated love". She hadn't even waited for the show to end before taking the TV off the wall. It had barely lasted two hours by the dumpster before some junkyard guy took it away.
It was as if the world was judging him for the crimes of someone he didn't even know.
Over the next few weeks, the atmosphere at home had been growing rarer and rarer until it was almost unbreathable. His mother always walked on eggshells around him, measuring her words and watching out not to upset him. The silence had become a beast that wanted to engulf them. Katsuya would have rather gotten looks of contempt. He was used to those and had learned to ignore them. He didn't know how to deal with fear. Even less so when it was his mother who was looking at him that way.
Katsuya spent more and more time locked up in his room until he finally stopped going out. Many days, the only light he saw was on the screen of the small TV to which his Play 2 was connected.
Even online, Katsuya was unable to escape the chase.
More and more often, the forum threads were filled with trolls accusing them of being potential psychopaths and no matter how quickly they were banned, the same afternoon they had a new account. He had never felt so alone as when the few friends he had online had been disappearing one after another.
The little voice in his head had been anxious for weeks. His soulmate wasn't having a good time either and Katsuya was sure he had himself to blame for that too.
Maybe his mother had been right all along and trying to find them had been a bad idea. Energy swirled around him. Books, games, and the dozen or so models on the shelves went flying and slammed into the opposite wall.
"Are you going to think I'm a monster too?" Katsuya hugged himself tightly as he rocked. Tears were wetting his cheeks.
Maybe everything was better this way. Katsuya wasn't sure if he was going to be able to survive if he saw terror drawn on a face he wasn't even able to imagine yet. It was better if they never got to meet. Katsuya was willing to sacrifice whatever it took to protect them, even if it meant protecting them from himself.
***
Katsuya hadn't seen anything outside the four walls of his room for almost six months when he noticed a pressure in his chest that almost didn't let him breathe. The voice in his head screamed in desperation and pleaded. Katsuya was barely able to move, paralyzed by the fingers of an invisible hand that seemed to be squeezing his heart hard until it burst. His lungs burned from the effort but air was barely getting through. His vision began to fade among white spots until he lost consciousness.
When he awoke, the melody was a discordant sound in which he could feel nothing, like the screeching of a vinyl playing on a record player with a broken needle. In his chest remained only an unfathomable emptiness.
Katsuya stood up and looked in the direction his heart had always pointed to like a compass. There was nothing.
"Who would love you" Katsuya muttered, unable to feel anything.