Chapter Text
SCAREDY CAT
1
"Nerves trembling with such exposure as the pair of bright brown eyes kept staring at his face with such concern, and even in moments like these capable of tearing him apart entirely, Kurosawa still looked at him in pure painful adoration, burning inside.
— I just...I don't know what to do anymore, I am terrified. — Admitting it out loud made him feel pathetic by the way his fingers twitched nervously at each other, Kurosawa's hands reached up intending to touch him, Adachi was quicker to pull away and to notice his boyfriend's hurt look.
— Oh.
He had never flinched at any physical affection like that before.
— Adachi? — Kurosawa called out, keeping his distance. He called him by name and it was as if he gave him a kind of silhouetted form, before he was nothing more than a ghost. — Love, what's going on?
— I'm afraid I'll lose this...all of this, all the magic. I just can't even think about what it will be like if I lose it for good.
There was a kind of rational fear painfully running through Adachi's mind, the tightly closed eyes becoming two small lines next to small, almost barely visible wrinkles. Losing the magic would be to lose the only opportunity to communicate properly with people, he had never experienced the possibility of fully understanding people, and they didn't understand him either.
Kurosawa understood him, however. And he understood Kurosawa, but only by magic through sheer disbelief that anyone could truly love him without him trying to be worthy of such affection. Always trying too hard to be digestible.
To be normal again — to be pathetically a loser who couldn't communicate properly, would end any attraction or devotion that Kurosawa had for him.
— You think it's weird, don't you?
— It's not weird, I believe you. And I want you to make a choice that won't hurt you in the end.
— Kurosawa...
"I'm happy to just be here looking at you so closely, to be sharing the same cheap wine, and if all that means is that it's hurting you, how can I be happy about it?"
Eh? Those are his thoughts...?
Adachi frowned, noticing his fingers interlaced gently so that he wouldn't be startled again.
"I want you to be happy, I want to see you smile, okay? So, if you don't want to make a decision, let me be the one to say it out loud."
Kurosawa took a deep breath, catching his breath as he noticed the bright eyes sinking into warm tears streaming down his face — to be honest, the most beautiful and lovely face he had ever seen in his entire life, and just let out his breath when Adachi squeezed his hand.
Say it.
— Adachi... — Words seemed to burn in his throat, and he choked before he realized it. Oh, I'm crying too. — Shall we end it here?
Adachi stared at him, minutes ticking by within himself. His head bobbed up and down. In a gasp of surprise, the first immediate thought was to refuse and say, "I love you.", but that's not what he said.
Yeah. Adachi nodded weakly; his face lowered by uneasy guilt. We should.
And like buckets of water being thrown on a fire, they never spoke again even with ashen hands. The next morning, Fujisaki's message flashed on his phone screen and his bloodshot eyes were unable to hide the tears that immediately poured out.
Because Kurosawa was leaving to Tokyo.
[…]
The sunset took longer than usual to come up, long seconds unraveling and being reflected in the sunken face under the covers and in the little dust hidden in the mail lying on the cold floor. Adachi, in the state he was in, had lost himself in time and the days had gone by unnoticed since Kurosawa's leaving — left, he would never have the courage to say aloud that it was good-bye, all too real — even though every waking dawn he had been counting on his fingers, regretting the result marked on his fingerprints.
One week, you idiot. Huh.
One week, seven days, ten thousand eighty minutes where the days were all the same, he would get up, stare at his own reflection as a stranger on the street and leave the messed-up place behind to go to work. Every time he closed the door of the house and turned his back to leave, it was like a glimpse of the night he left their relationship behind like a coward. The option of leaving first always sounded attractive anyway.
He could not face Kurosawa again. Adachi didn't even say his name mentally — nor did he bring himself to say it out loud, nor did he even shed a tear for him. For them. All feelings seemed to have been compressed and burned in some clandestine garbage can, all emotions were gone, and the only thing inside him was the intense emptiness.
— Adachi!
A voice echoed as he stepped out of the elevator, a flicker of hope that it might be his boyfriend, or rather, now ex-boyfriend, calling him just to say that he should never have accepted the promotion in Tokyo consumed him in the split seconds it took him to pluck up courage and turn around, meeting the late figure of Rokkaku.
— God, I've been calling you for almost ten minutes!
— Eh? Why?
— To hold the elevator door for me!
Oopsie.
— Sorry...? Where are you going in such a hurry anyway?
— I was called today to take over the December conference.
— I thought Kurosawa was in charge of it.
— I know, right? But he has taken a month's break, so now I have to take over the project. Adachi-san, you have no idea how fuckin' stressful this has been!
The stress on the face of the man in front of Adachi was visible and he was divided between selfishly worrying about Kurosawa's sudden leave and attempting to help Rokkaku.
— Is there anything I can do to help you? I mean, it's not that I know how to do many things, but I can try.
— Kurosawa fortunately left a huge part of the project prepared, the anxiety is more about the presentation, but thank you for worrying, okay?
Rokkaku's hand touched Adachi's shoulder and a warm feeling came over him, he was genuinely grateful for the concern. His lips opened in an attempt to ask about Kurosawa's condition or any news about him, but Rokkaku's voice exclaimed something like "Shit, I forgot!" and soon his friend had disappeared into the empty hallway of the company, leaving a worried Adachi to wonder about Yuichi's disappearance.
The rest of the day dissolved into the result of failed attempts to pay attention to work, crumpled papers on the floor and several cups of coffee — even Fujisaki looked at him worriedly as they ate lunch together, she even tried to hold a conversation with Adachi, but the empty answers and lack of effort to hold a conversation meant that only the lunch hour was enough for a silence that slowly took a comfortable form for both of them.
Adachi's phone vibrated against the wooden desk.
Masato Tsuge: Beer. Now.
Long messages were not Tsuge's style anyway.
Kiyoshi Adachi: Let's do it another day.
Any further messages to him went unread, the phone was left to oblivion inside his bag, and he caught himself counting the minutes until he could leave.
Five minutes.
I have to tidy the house, it's a mess.
Four minutes.
What's for dinner?
Three minutes.
Is he taking care of himself properly?
Two minutes left and all he could think about for the next few minutes was Kurosawa. Kurosawa. Kurosawa.
— Okay, let's call it a day. — The materials were put away inside the drawer, leaving only decorative objects on the table and taking with him the pen he had received as a gift inside his suit, as he always did. He wouldn't change now.
The steps towards the exit door were slowing down when he noticed the rain that was falling outside, he reached into his bag only to notice that he hadn't taken an umbrella with him. Ignoring the rain and the cold wind, Adachi continued walking as if it were nothing but water falling from the sky and not giving a damn about the cold he might catch in the end. The unquestionable cold left no room for him to rethink twice as much as he had already considered, and he was finally forced to stop near a restaurant that was already closed, only stopping there because of the long deck of the building.
I'll just stay here until the rain stops, Adachi decided.
The wet overcoat was removed, being held by his right arm bent and supported by his own waist, Adachi was already starting to get tired of waiting for the rain to pass, at least it would stop a little or the drops would weaken, but it wasn't what happened. However, in the silence of the city and the people inside their own homes, a small sound echoed amidst the drizzle outside; Adachi closed his eyes, leaning his body in an attempt to hear properly this time.
Meow.
His round eyes opened and soon he was on his knees on the cobbled street trying to find the owner of the meows. Is it really a kitten?
Meow, it meowed again leaving no room for doubt.
— Pspspspsps. — Adachi called out to the kitten, stooping even lower to see inside a small cardboard box that was completely soaked. Poor thing. — Hey, little one, you can come over now, hm?
There was no answer — and he wasn't exactly expecting an answer from a kitten, just little gray furry paws taking their first steps out of the wet box, fur meeting the light for the first time in weeks. Round olive-colored eyes met Adachi's pair of eyes making him smile at the same time at the adorable sight in which the little cat kept looking at him intently as if trying to memorize every detail of his face, or as if recognizing him.
Round olive-colored eyes met Adachi's pair of eyes making him smile at the same time at the adorable sight in which the little cat kept looking at him intently as if trying to memorize every detail of his face, or as if recognizing him.
Adachi was doing his best to stand at the same height as the feline in front of him, hoping not to startle him when he offered his long thin hand so that he could smell it, which he immediately did. Without any hesitation he didn't seem intimidated by the human's height, returning to look at him with big bright eyes. Adachi's heart broke looking at him partially wet from the rain and it was evident that he was cold.
— Hmmm, little one, how about sleeping in a warm bed?
The little cat wagged his tail weakly, Adachi took this as a "I'm thinking, human, leave me alone!" and waited to rephrase the question. Meow, the cat meowed.
— Oh, you were really thinking! — Adachi laughed, little dimples appearing in his face, and laughed even harder when he noticed the cat's confused face. — Sorry, kitten. So that was a yes, huh?
Meow, he meowed again, louder this time.
That was a yes!
— Then let's go home.