Work Text:
It’s a nice summer Friday forenoon. James and Aiden are chilling in their room doing their own things. James was on his phone and Aiden was listening to music while drawing. James suddenly got a message on his phone from one of his friends:
„ Hey dude, would you like to come to this party I’ll throw tomorrow? Is like a pool party but on the side of the beach”
James was interested
„ Sounds fun! Who would be there?
„ Just the usual gang. It’s more like a close friend's party, so it won’t be that big. ”
„ Can I take Aiden with me? ”
„ Ofc bro, he’s one of us! 😉 „
„ Great, then I’ll come! When will the party start and what side of the beach should we go to?”
„ The Northside, you know where we usually go. It will start around 5 PM and would end around 3 AM or when the weather gets chilly. You can bring, cardgames snacks, and drinks if you want to.”
„Nice! I’ll ask Aiden if he would like to come, but I’m sure I’ll be there!”
„ Awesome! 👍”
James is really excited because he hasn't been to a party for 2 weeks and goes to Aiden’s room to tell him the invitation:
- Hey Aiden baby!
- Sup babe! What’s up?
- I was invited to this party which will be tomorrow, do you want to come?
- Eeeeh… You know I don’t really like going to parties.
- But this time it was close friends' party, and only those people come who were invited to it. Don’t worry about strangers, it will be more chill than the last one. It’s me, you, my friends, and some of their friends/ partners.
- Well, in this case, I wouldn’t mind coming to that one. Which club would be the party in?
- Um actually… On the North sideof the beach so, yeah… it’s a pool party kind of… party… - James start to get a little nervous – and…
- Oh, so that means everybody will be in their swimsuit, and probably the guys will be... topless. – he starts to zone out a bit because of his thoughts – But that won’t be a problem for me don’t worry! Haha
- Are you sure baby? I know you are not 100% comfortable being shirtless around people. But you don’t have to worry, being shirtless is completely optional and also my friends watched Disventure Camp and they know about you…
- No, no, I swear I’m not that insecure about it anymore, besides I know your friends are cool people and that they wouldn’t be bothered by my… scars. But I think I’m ready to be topless on the beach for the first time!
- You think? – said James in a worried voice
- Yeah! – said Aiden „confidently”
- Okay, fine by me! I’ll tell my friend that you will come too. – said James and went back to his room.
Aiden’s confident expression immediately turned into a worried one. Aiden knows that he honestly isn't comfortable showing his chest or being shirtless around people, yet. But he feels like he needs to stop being scared all the time, and he "needs to be stronger" he knew James' friends already know about him being trans, and also he knows that they would probably accept him. But they've never addressed him being trans before, not at the party, not at the double dates... But he's still scared... But Aiden would like to go this time because it's a close friend's party and also feels like he needs to go out more often, just only when James is with him and by his side.
He starts to say things to himself:
" I shouldn't be scared, James will be at my side all along so he would protect me if something goes wrong... Wait, can something go wrong? DON'T OVERREACT IT AIDEN! You should solve your problem for once by yourself! James can't be on your side, protecting you all the time, as if he was "my mom". You're a grown-ass adult now Aiden, you'll be topless on the beach surrounded around people for the first time. You have the courage to do it. If somebody starts looking at you weirdly or saying uncomfortable or nasty things... just ignore them. Or stand up for yourself! You have to be strong, you…"
- Is everything okay buddy? – Asked James who came back just to ask him what he would like to wear, and/or help him choose his outfit.
- Oh yes I'm just... planning what to drink there... I don't know what to choose between... um...
James knows Aiden is using an excuse but he just smiles at him:
- Look, I know you're scared of being topless on the beach, but you don't have to worry. I'm sure my friends would be supportive and won't see you as less of a man because of them. And also don't forget if anything happens I'll be at your side!
Aiden smiles while looking at him too: - Thanks! I know I can count on you, babe!
- Anytime! – Says James and gives a kiss on Aiden’s cheek - Now let's get planning out the outfit! What were you thinking of?
- Well, I think I’ll just go in my usual swimming outfit like the one I had worn at the camp.
- Sounds great, I was thinking about my favorite party shirt with my yellow swimming trunks, but I’m not sure, maybe I should go back looking for another one, – said James and went back to his room.
Aiden was sure happy that he can count on his boyfriend at any moment, but his feelings that he shouldn't chicken out and solve things by himself/ protecting himself is still there and it’s bothering him. He honestly couldn’t decide what part of himself should listen to. The brave or the chicken side. Maybe he could have a clearer mind by tomorrow.
The day has finally arrived. The boys put on their outfits and went to the party. There, James’ friends were waiting for them:
- Sup bro!
- Hey dude!
- Yo James!
They all shook hands with him and then with Aiden:
- Aiden dude, how are you?
- Oh hi guys, I’m… Fine, thanks – He was still nervous
- Glad that you came bro, missing this party would be such a bummer!
- Yeah, James had convinced me to come, and I feel more comfortable since it’s a close friend's party although – Aiden looked around - there are so many people… here. How many did you invite?
- Around 100.
Aiden's eyes suddenly turned wide open.
- One… Hundred??? I don’t even know 100 people.
- Yeah and I’m pretty sure more than 100 because everybody bought some of their friends and partner as well…
- Don’t worry dude - Said his other friend - Everybody is minding their own business you don’t have to worry about…
James suddenly looked his friends in the eyes and nervously shook his head
- Umm… never mind, I don’t really understand the minds of introverts, no offense!
- Don’t worry, non-taken! – Answered Aiden nervously
James’s friends told them where is the drink and snack table, what type of party games they bought, and everything they need to know. There were a lot of people indeed who Aiden didn't know, although it was a "close friends" party. He got a little scared but start to say things to himself:
- C’mon Aiden you shouldn’t be scared. It’s a party you are supposed to have a great time and feel good! Look at James and his friends! They are having so much fun! Go grab a drink and join their game, and stop being a baby for once! Maybe you don’t have to take off your shirt. It’s not like you need to.
So Aiden did convince himself to take advantage of the party in order to him feel like he was having fun. He and James had so much fun together so far. They played UNO, drinking games, danced to music talked about their life, and talked about Disventure camp and their amazing moments. One of James’s friends suggested:
- Let's go swimming, the water is really nice I heard!
They started to take off their shirts and go into the water... Except for James and Aiden. Aiden starts to have a scared expression and just stands there. James noticed it and tried to comfort him:
- Look, you don't have to take it off, I won't take it off either if it helps you...
But Aiden wasn’t listening to him because… He sadly starts to say those complicated things to himself again like at home, but worse, way worse.
" They gonna judge you, they gonna make fun of you, they gonna film you, THEY GONNA…!"
- …Aiden?
- Ummm... I need to go to the bathroom I'll be right back! – Said Aiden and starts to walk away, well more like running away. He was running toward the opposite side of the beach, where no one was around.
James got really suspicious about his boyfriend’s behavior:
- Wait. He never goes to the restroom in public places without asking me to accompany him. Hmm... something isn't right. Wait! Maybe he starts having another panic attack??? I need to follow him!
- Ayo James! Why is Aiden running away so fast? – Aske one of his friends
- Umm... I have a bad feeling that his panic attacks are kicking him again!
- Is about his top scars, isn’t it? Dude we told you we won’t make fun of him…
- Look guys, it’s not as easy as you think it is! It’s honestly really complicated. It’s not you guys, I’m sure. But I need to talk with him! I need to follow him!
Aiden was running while having tears in his eyes, breathing fast, and putting his hands on his chest as, if he wants to cover his top scars although his shirt was still on him. He sat down on the side of the part throwing rocks into the water and just being with his thoughts:
" Ugh, I thought it would be easier for me, I thought I have finally beaten down my fear. But I feel like a chicken… again."
James was following Aiden all this time, slowly came closer to Aiden and called him:
- Aiden…
- Oh James! – said Aiden in a surprised but not disappointed voice - Huh, looks like you got suspicious about why I didn't ask you to come with me to the bathroom...
- You're right! My boyfriend's instinct knew something was off – Said James in a confident voice and sat next to him- So tell me honestly... you still not feeling comfortable being topless, aren’t you?
- Yeah.. – Said Aiden in a sad and deep voice while having tears in his eyes - Even if I said I was ready to take my shirt off. But... looks like I was wrong. I didn't know there will be so many strangers here to this "close friends" party and... I'm still scared. Even tho I tried to encourage myself at home. Even at the party, but when your friends suggested going into the water and everybody take off their shirts confidently… I don’t know, my negativity hit me really hard at the moment.
- Aiden baby…
- …I know your friends would probably take it cool but the others around me... may look at me weirdly or won't see me as a true man... I don't know what I feel right now it's so... mixed.
James starts to feel really bad again, about Aiden’s insecurity. He slowly and gently starts to pet Aiden in his head, trying to comfort him.
- Then tell me... what do you feel right now?
- I really want to take my shirt off and fit in with the boys, I finally want to "feel free"... But also I don't. I don't want to be secretly judged. I don't want to feel like I've been watched by everyone or somebody to throw an insult at me. I really want to protect myself if it ever happens, but I don't know how... but I feel like I should. I'm not a kid anymore who needs to be protected all the time. I don't want to push away you either... I don't know – Said Aiden in a sobbing voice while looking at himself in the water's reflection. - Maybe I will stay a chicken forever.
James was thinking really hard about what to say to him in order to comfort him and help him beat his fear. He came up with a great idea:
- So, if you want to take off your shirt, then do it here. Maybe it would be a small step for you to feel comfortable. Let's have your first time swimming topless here. The party is not that close I'm sure nobody would see you. – Said James in a comforting voice and grabbed Aiden’s hand - Just you and me. Okay?
Aiden looked at James with a surprised and blushy face. He still had tears in his eyes, but his frown turned into a smile:
- Okay!
James had a smug smile on his face while looking at Aiden and stood up. He took off his shirt and goes into the water. He looked back, waiting for Aiden so wawed with his hands at him. Aiden slowly stood up and looked at his hands which were touching the end of his shirt and then looked at his boyfriend. James starts to continue encouraging Aiden:
- C'mon baby! Show off those scars! – Said James while waiting for him with an open arm.
Aiden really needed to hear that sentence. He slowly but finally started to take his shirt off, while pushing away his negative feelings which were strong but finally hopeless:
" No Aiden are you dumb?! Don’t do it! You are in a public place! You know anybody could easily see you right now and say mean things about…"
" I DON’T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE! I won’t let you ruin this amazing moment with my boyfriend who truly helps me a lot! UNLIKE YOU!" – Said Aiden angrily to the negative part of himself and finally took his shirt off. He dropped it down and slowly start to touch his chest. His bare chest. His positive side of himself starts to cheer really hard
" Wait, am I finally…* GASP* You did it Aiden you finally did it! "
His face suddenly turned into a big blushy and excited smile while noticing James is still waiting for him with a big proud smile and an open arm. He runs toward him in the water and hugs him. It was one of the biggest hugs they ever had. Aiden had happy tears in his eyes and had one of the biggest smiles on his face while blushing hard.
- You finally did it, baby! You can finally feel free! I'm so proud of you!
- I CAN'T BELIEVE I FINALLY DID IT! I feel free indeed! I'm so glad I took it off while being only with you. It couldn't be more perfect for me. I'm so sorry that I wanted to "push you" away I never wanted to I just felt like I needed to stand up for myself for once like an adult.
- You don't need to apologize. It's not a shame if you feel like you need help and can't solve things by yourself. But I appreciate the courage. If you are not ready to show it at the party... it's okay. Maybe one day you will be brave enough and could protect yourself without help. But that day doesn't have to come soon. Or ever. Let's just enjoy this moment and forget our bad thoughts!
They indeed had a great time. Just the two of them. They had so much fun although they were just in the water. They played tag, they had a water fight, and James carried Aiden on his shoulder they playfully teased each other a little bit and they just. Wanted to dance. In the water. So they tried, it may look weird dancing in the water without music but they didn't care. Then they felt like kissing, so they did. They gave each other multiple long-sweet kisses while still in the water. I'm sure it was one of their most romantic moment with each other.
- James.
- Yes baby?
Aiden put his head on James's chest while still hugging him:
- I'm ready. I'm ready to stay topless while going back to the party. I'm sure not even an apocalypse could ruin my mood. This was so amazing. I'm so happy about everything you did. I love you so much, babe! You mean the world to me.
- I love you too baby! You know I'll do anything for you!
They came out of the water grabbed their shirt and went back to the party where James’ friends were still waiting for them:
- Dude where have you been?
- I just needed some alone time with Aiden. But don't worry we are ready to continue the party!- Said James and giving a wink to them and pointing at Aiden with his eyes. James' friends then looked at Aiden. They get the hint:
- Nice scars dude! How did you get it?
- Amazing! I always found scars cool no matter what places there are!
- So SICK! I wish I have as cool scars as you have!
- Bro you should take off your shirt more often they're so badass!
- Wait really? - Said Aiden with a surprised expression while his face turned a little bit red -Well... I worked really hard for getting them. Soo...
He honestly didn't know what to say this was the first time someone said things like that to him. He was so happy and felt like the coolest boy at the moment. He finally felt comfortable. His dream finally came true. He had finally had the courage to show off his top scars in public. He felt like a man, like a REAL man!