Chapter Text
i.
If there's a fire in your kitchen
And when your roof just won't stop leaking
It's no secret that Charlotte Roselei was the worst cook amongst all the Magic Knights captains. As sole heiress of the House of Roselei, Charlotte never had a reason to venture into the kitchen. She had no time for hobbies either, spending every waking moment finding a way to defeat her curse.
Even so, Charlotte was determined to try baking a batch of cookies. She was told that "The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach". (She had initially taken the proverb too literally. As in, she thought that the best way to defeat a man's heart is by piercing through his stomach, and then argued that this was inefficient and anatomically incorrect.)
Charlotte, accompanied by some of the Blue Roses, huddled around a quartz kitchen island, where dozens of baking supplies and ingredients were scattered on the surface. The female captain had no idea where to begin, and picked up a knife. She looked over to her subordinates to see if she was doing it right, but the heads being shaken and the grimaces on their faces told her that she was not.
Puli made a face and said, "Who even put a knife here?" while Galgaria had gently taken the knife from Charlotte's hand and put it back where it belonged. Charlotte sighed. This is hopeless, she thought. However, her girls insisted that she try to bake for the man of her dreams.
"You can do it, Captain!" Selena cheered her on. "We'll go through it with you, step by step! First, let's measure out the dry ingredients."
Charlotte carefully scooped flour into a bowl and measured salt, baking soda, and cornstarch. So far so good. Next, she was told to cream the butter. She asked, "Isn't butter made of cream already?" A few of the girls snickered, but Borja explained that creaming butter meant mixing together butter and sugar.
"Oh, I see," Charlotte said, a light dusting of pink on her cheeks.
The mixing portion went surprisingly well. Charlotte had formed the dough into spheres and set them on a baking tray to chill in the fridge. The girls explained that this helps the cookies to stay soft and chewy after baking.
The knights of the Blue Roses cleaned up the mess they've made in the kitchen as the dough cooled. Borja turned to Charlotte, "So Captain, you'll just need to preheat the oven to 325º and bake them for 12-14 minutes, until they're lightly browned. You can handle that, right?"
Charlotte nodded hesitantly, "I think so."
The girls looked at her with worry. "Are you sure you'll be alright, Captain? We could stay here, if you want," Galgaria offered.
"I'll be alright, girls. It's a Friday night. You go on and have fun. Thank you for helping me with this project," she smiled.
The Briar Maiden recited these instructions over and over like a prayer. After a half-hour had gone by, Charlotte went back to the kitchen. This time, she was alone, but she had memorized Borja's instructions to a tee.
Okay, so I set the oven to 325º. It began to whir. Once she heard the little ding! signalling it was done warming up, Charlotte grabbed the tray of cookies from the fridge, donning a pair of oven mitts before placing the tray on the middle rack.
She closed the oven door. Wait 12-14 minutes until lightly browned—wait, what is lightly browned? she panicked.
Charlotte began to bite her nails and watched the cookies anxiously through the small glass window of the oven. The smell of chocolate and warm vanilla wafted through the air, which quelled her worry only slightly, and made her mouth drool with anticipation.
However, Charlotte's communicator began ringing.
"Captain Roselei," Marx greeted. "The Wizard King would like to discuss the awarding of stars for the Blue Roses with you. It shouldn't take more than a few minutes. Do you have the time?"
A few minutes should be okay. She brought the communicator to her office, where she was speaking with Sir Julius about the merits earned by the knights under her care.
"Alright. Thank you, Captain," the Wizard King bade her farewell. She still wasn't used to seeing his de-aged form, but a burning smell quickly brought her attention back.
The cookies! Charlotte had gone into her office thinking that the meeting would only take a few minutes, but talking about work with her superior stretched the conversation much longer than she had anticipated.
The kitchen wasn't set ablaze yet, but the cookies were very much turning into coal, the smoke being barely contained by the door of the oven. Charlotte panicked, realizing that the girls were out of the base – even Sol – and she had no idea where they kept the fire extinguishers or what the protocol would be for a fire. She muttered something about setting up a mandatory fire safety drill.
Charlotte reached for the circular communicator in her pocket and called the first person to pop in her head.
"Prickly Queen? What're you callin' me for?" Yami answered. A cigarette dangled from the corner of his lip and he appeared to be in a dark tavern, holding cards up to his chest.
"Uh, I-sorry. Never mind. I didn't mean to interrupt," she sputtered.
He could read her expression through the device. She looked like she was panicking about something. He turned to an indistinguishable figure next to him, and the communicator shut off.
She turned her attention back to the oven. The cookies were aflame. Charlotte approached it but was met with a swirl of smoke that made her cough and step back.
Shit, I can't believe the kitchen's on fire! What kind of a captain am I? A freaking failure, that's what!
A space-grey portal appeared, just down the hall from the kitchen. Out trudged a boot and long legs in brown trousers, then a white tank top.
"What the hell's going on here?" a gruff voice broke through the alarms that were sounding off. "Prickly Queen?!" He walked quickly to where he could smell smoke and feel her ki.
She was too stunned to speak. He snuffed the cigarette on his lips and made his way towards the oven, covering his mouth and nose with his elbow before switching the oven off. His eyes narrowed as he searched for a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. He found it tucked away inside a cabinet under the sink.
The muscles on his hands and fingers flexed as he pulled the pin from the canister and his shoulders tensed as he squeezed the lever, spraying a thick blanket of white foam over the oven.
Saved by Yami again.
Charlotte blushed, incredibly embarrassed by the situation. She was unable to think straight, almost causing a house fire.
"You should move your fire extinguisher to somewhere more visible," he scolded.
"Thank you, Yami," she stammered.
"What were you even tryin' to make?"
"Um, cookies."
He broke out into boisterous laughter, "Ha! I can't believe the Prickly Queen herself can't even bake cookies!"
Her face reddened even more. Gods. I wanted to do something nice for a change and bake cookies for him, but of course, I just had to almost burn the place down and he just had to be the person I call. Pathetic.
"What for?"
"Um, it's for... someone," she replied.
He lifted his brow, intrigued. "Who's it for?"
"None of your business," she said flatly.
He scratched the stubble on his chin, "Do you need help with cleaning up or are you gonna burn the place down again?"
She scowled at him. "I can handle the clean up just fine." He sensed disappointment in her ki. She must've really wanted to give these cookies to someone, he thought.
I got your back, without you even asking
She finished tidying up the room. Charlotte made a mental note to have the errand boys talk to the artificer about fixing the oven.
"Come with me to our hideout," he said, breaking her train of thought.
"W-what?!"
"I'm sayin' I'll show you how to bake."
Charlotte forced out a laugh. "You? Bake?!"
Yami stared at her with deadpan eyes, "Yeah, I know how to cook, like any functional adult would."
"W-well, if you insist."
Yami was just about to yell for Finral, but he remembered that he left Finral behind at the tavern. He ended up riding on Charlotte's broomstick, which nearly killed the two of them from the way her mana fluctuated uncontrollably.
When they arrived at the Black Bulls' hideout, Yami looked sick to his stomach from the many twists, turns, and dives that they made because of Charlotte. Her power became unstable whenever she was near Yami, and this was the closest she'd ever been to him. "I need a smoke," Yami said, stomach churning.
While the majority of the Black Bulls' hideout was either in a state of disarray or disrepair, the kitchen was surprisingly neat. There was an impressive assortment of herbs, spices, and other strange ingredients methodically arranged along wooden shelves on the wall. In a corner of the room, a small wooden planter box grew a nice variety of vegetables and herbs. Charmy, the small girl with unbelievable mana-replenishing magic and equally impressive cooking prowess, squatted low on the ground by the planter and tended to her crop.
She swivelled around with a wide smile, "Oh, Captain Yami! Welcome home!"
"Yo, Charmy. I need to borrow the kitchen."
The girl quickly dropped her smile. "Why?"
"I'm bakin' cookies. I'll give you some when I'm done," he countered.
The cheerful look returned to her face upon hearing her captain's proposition, "Okay! I can't wait to eat them, la!" She rose from the ground and skipped towards a seat on the counter to watch the show, but Yami ordered her to leave.
"But Captain Yamiiiii," Charmy protested.
"You're gonna make her nervous."
The small girl looked Charlotte over, "I don't know if I'm the one making her nervous, Captain..."
Charlotte's lips contorted, blood rushing to her face. She fidgeted with the hem of her skirt.
"Do you like it when there are people watching you when you cook?"
Charmy gasped with the realization, "Oh! You're right! Too many cooks spoil the broth." She sighed and walked away from the scene, shooting Charlotte an encouraging grin. "Don't worry, Captain Charlotte! Our Captain Yami's a pretty good cook!"
Charlotte nodded at the bit of information. He must be better than I thought if the girl with cooking magic says so.
Yami snuffed the cigarette he'd been fostering and threw the butt in the bin. "Charmy would murder me if I made a mess in here," he said with a shudder. "Happened only once."
He went into a cupboard and grabbed two sets of black aprons, with the Bulls' insignia stitched over the left breast. He handed her one for herself. Charlotte couldn't help but ogle at the way his arms moved as he tied his apron. Again, Yami felt her familiar and confusing ki flicker.
"What's the matter, Prickly Queen? Never seen a man in the kitchen?" he joked.
She scoffed. Of course, she had. The men in the Blue Roses were all errand boys. But something about seeing Yami dressed in this getup made her heart want to explode out from her chest.
"Do you know how to tie an apron, or do I need to do it for you?"
She stammered, "I-I can do it myself." She was running on the walls and banging her head against the floor internally as she imagined Yami tying her apron for her.
While she was fiddling with the ties, Yami rummaged through the kitchen and gathered their supplies, which he found with ease. He also grabbed a red canister hanging on the side of a wall and set it on the kitchen island. "Just in case," he teased.
Charlotte rolled her eyes.
Yami began measuring ingredients. Charlotte watched him work, mesmerized by the way his rough hands handled the ingredients with uncharacteristic elegance. "Come here." Her heart was pounding in her throat.
"Help me mix these together." He motioned for her to take over the whisk he had been holding.
She reluctantly grabbed the whisk with her left hand, her fingers accidentally brushing his, which made Charlotte lightheaded at the touch. She began whisking, but beat the eggs too slowly for Yami's liking. He came up behind her and placed his hand over hers, guiding her to the proper pace and motion. The Thorny Princess wanted to wither on the spot.
Once Charlotte had gotten the hang of it, he released his hand from hers and went back to sifting the flour and salt together.
"Okay, you can stop mixing those eggs now. Let's cream the butter."
"Creaming butter means mixing it with sugar," she said, proud to have remembered this information from her session earlier.
He remained unimpressed, much to Charlotte's dismay.
They eventually got to the step of shaping the dough. Charlotte's hands trembled beneath the weight of Yami's stare, so the spheres of dough she molded in her hands turned out crude and uneven.
The captain of the Black Bulls sighed and grabbed the ball forming in her hands. "This size is too big. Cookies spread out when you bake 'em." He grabbed a smaller chunk of dough between his calloused fingers.
"You gotta roll 'em like this, see?"
She swallowed hard, "Okay. C-C-Could you show m-me how?"
He grabbed another chunk of dough and placed them in her hands. He stood behind her again, and held her hands with his larger ones, teaching her how to maneuver the dough so that it stays compact and rounded.
"Like t-this?" she whispered, fighting the urge to run to the other side of the continent.
"Yeah, like that," he said. The warmth of his breath behind her ear sent shivers down to her bones.
They let the cookie dough chill for a moment. Charlotte offered to wash the dishes and clean up to steady herself. Cleaning was something she could do, at least. He shrugged and pulled up a seat on the counter, and lit another cigarette. Charlotte crinkled her nose at the smell of tobacco. She had been drying the dishes when the Black Bulls started showing up.
If I gotta whoop somebody's ass, I'ma do it with passion
"Captain Charlotte? What are you doing here at this hour?!" Magna said, slack-jawed at the sight of the Blue Roses' captain washing dishes in their hideout.
Yami could feel her tense up at the question, so he put on a threatening aura and told his subordinate to leave or die. However, Yami was unsuccessful as the rest of the Black Bulls came to see what's going on.
"Who's gonna die?!" Luck asked, a wild look dancing in his eyes, "Can I fight them too?"
Yami looked at his squad with exasperation. "I have company over. Now scram before I do it for you," he barked.
A portal opened in the kitchen, where a defeated-looking Finral stepped out from. "Oh, Captain Yami, you're home already. But what's Captain Charlotte doing here?" asked Finral, "And why is she washing dishes?"
"Prickly Queen here almost burned her base down," to which Charlotte sputtered, "I did not!" indignantly.
"That... doesn't explain anything," Finral said.
"I...wanted to bake some cookies, but because of the fire—"
"So you did set your base on fire?" Luck asked, a wide grin on his face.
"No, I—!"
"Alright, chit-chat's over, runts. Go away," Yami said, exhaling smoke towards his squad members.
Because the cookies weren't done yet, the Black Bulls begrudgingly obeyed for now and left the kitchen.
The time came for the cookies to bake. Yami smirked, "Don't burn my kitchen down, yeah?" She shook her head and promised she wouldn't let them burn again, then set the trays of cookies on the oven racks. She watched the window of the oven door anxiously.
"You might burn them again if you stare at them like that," Yami teased.
"I'm watching so that they don't burn!"
He chuckled as he took a drag from his cigarette, watching the female captain, who was now squatting down with her palms on her knees, peer into the small window of the oven door.
The scent of the cookies eventually drew the Black Bulls back into the kitchen, led by Charmy.
"Didn't I tell you brats to beat it?!" Yami shouted.
"But you promised me cookies, la!" huffed Charmy.
"You'll get yours, dammit. These are for Captain Prickle over there," he patted Charmy's head affectionately. "She said she wants to give them to someone."
Charmy's expression turned into a devious smile, "Oho, a special someone? Food is the best way to win a man's heart! Aye, Captain! I'll wait until you bake a fresh batch! But you better keep your promise, okay?!"
"Hey, how come Miz Charmy gets some but not us?!" Asta yelled. Yami towered over the boy, "What's that, you little punk? Who do you think you're talkin' to?" With a single hand, Yami picked the grey-haired boy up by the head.
"Ow-ow! Okay, I'm sorry I asked! I don't want to die yet, Captain Yami! I need to live to become Wizard King!"
"It's alright. You can all have some," Charlotte interjected, attempting to deescalate the situation.
"Woohoo! You hear that, Captain Yami?" Asta said with delight, soon replaced by fear over Yami's scary expression.
"I thought you were gonna give it to someone?" he asked his fellow captain.
"U-um, it's pretty late now... He's probably asleep," Charlotte said.
He? There was something about it that he didn't like. Yami grunted.
The timer had gone off, so Yami went to grab the tray of cookies from the oven. He held it high, far away from the grubby hands of his squad. "It needs to cool down," he glared.
The Bulls waited with them and crowded around the kitchen counter.
"A-anyway, thank you for letting me use your kitchen. And for teaching me how to bake," she said coolly.
Vanessa elbowed Finral's rib playfully, a smirk playing on her lips. They shared a look as they watched the awkward interaction play out in front of them. Finral stifled a laugh, waggling an eyebrow at Zora.
"Wanna share what's so funny, brats?" Yami crossed his arms and looked down at his squad members.
Zora slithered his way beside Charlotte and yawned. He slid an arm over her shoulder, which made the Blue Rose's captain flinch.
"What do you think you're doing, you masked weirdo?" Yami's overpowering mana thickened the air in the room. Zora, even more masterful than Yami at pressing buttons he shouldn't be pressing, was unfazed, his arm still hanging over Charlotte's shoulder.
Nero immediately picked up on Zora's cue. "You were going to give those cookies to Zora, right, Captain Charlotte?" she asked, feigning innocence.
"Um, what?!" Charlotte panicked. She almost used her magic against this man for daring to touch her, but she wasn't sure if this was normal behaviour for the Black Bulls. She didn't want to overreact and cause a scene in front of Yami's squad.
Mischief was written all over Nero's otherwise indifferent face. Finral had caught on too, "Oh, right! You wanted to thank him for that time!" exaggeration on his voice.
"Wait—!"
Zora drew even closer to the Captain, smirking as he said, "It's okay, Captain Charlotte, nobody can resist Super Sorcerer Zora." He grabbed a warm cookie from the tray and put it in his mouth.
The captain of the Black Bulls grew serious. An overwhelming amount of pressure filled the room. Most of the Black Bulls hurried away; they knew when Yami meant business. Nero and Zora laughed at the chaos they've started and immediately ran off to hide from their captain's anger.
Charlotte was too stunned to speak. She then remembered a conversation she had with Puli and Sol. Puli recommended that Charlotte try to use a man to make Yami jealous. "Men sometimes don't realize their feelings until another man comes along." Sol scowled and said that it was a stupid idea, to which Charlotte agreed.
Wait... Was Yami jealous? she wondered. No, he can't be. That's his own squad member. However, she was relieved to be freed from the experience.
Yami's overpowering presence eased up. "Damn brats," he cursed.
Charlotte tested her theory, "Right. Well, tell him I said thanks. These cookies are for him, after all." She laughed feebly as Yami glowered at her.
"What'd he do to get handmade cookies from the Prickly Queen herself?"
"Hm? He uh, helped out on a mission with one of my girls."
Yami took the bait, "That's it? You're tellin' me you almost committed arson just because he helped a girl on your squad?"
She prodded, "Well, yes. I like to show my appreciation... personally."
He reached for a cookie. "Hey! Those are for —"
Yami ignored her and munched on the sweet instead of smoking another stick. He chewed angrily and muttered something about "whooping Zora's ass later".
"Thanks, Yami," she said sincerely. She bit into the chocolate chip cookie, still fresh from the oven. They were tough on the outside, but soft and gooey on the inside, just how she liked them. It seems that Charlotte likes her men how she likes her cookies.