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After that first wondrous kiss on the battlements, Siobhan returned to her quarters in a daze with a smile she couldn’t quite keep off her face. Being held in the commander’s arms had been exhilarating, something she’d only dreamed (rather guiltily) of for months. She found it very difficult to concentrate on any other work for the rest of the day, and when she met her advisors at the War Table later that evening, she couldn’t keep the blush from spreading from her neck all the way to the tips of her ears.
Cullen, she noticed, seemed rather red himself, yet he held himself as he always did, offering military expertise and debating strategy with Leliana and Josephine while Siobhan pondered the options they set forth.
She set off a few days later for Crestwood with Hawke to meet her Grey Warden ally. Although he undoubtedly had early morning duties to attend to, Cullen was on hand to bid her farewell in person. They shook hands, the only appropriate form of physical contact in such a public space, and he pressed a note into her palm with a shy little smile. Then he turned on his heel and marched back up the stairs, leaving Siobhan feeling slightly breathless.
She read the missive over and over again over the following week, thrilled every time she read the sweet words he’d written on the page. I know you worry about your suitability for the role that has been thrust upon you. But know this: you are not special because you are the Inquisitor. You are the Inquisitor because you are special. She’d never really considered that, even though it was a sentiment echoed by most everyone she spoke to. In her mind, if she really was the Herald of Andraste, granted the Anchor by the Maker Himself, it was only because she was convenient.
After the Conclave, Siobhan had planned to disappear, to leave her life of nobility behind. The Maker had given her purpose, a new life, not because she was an extraordinary human being, but simply because she was able, with no personal ties to hold her back from this important duty.
It was the rest of the Commander’s letter that took Siobhan by surprise.
Your physical beauty drew me in at once, but it was your mind, your passion, your heart that solidified your hold on me. I fear my nerve would have failed me if I tried to speak these words so I can only hope this letter can suffice until my courage returns.
Siobhan’s work in Crestwood kept her from Skyhold for another fortnight, but when she finally returned with several new cuts and bruises (courtesy of a wyvern and a challenging fight with a Red Templar), she also wore a grin. She headed straight for the War Table to discuss all she had learned from Warden Alistair, and she had to fight to keep herself from trembling with excitement the moment she saw Cullen.
The commander’s smile was bright when their eyes met, and Siobhan’s stomach did a backflip. She turned her attention to Josephine quickly before she lost her head completely. Maker, but I’ve never felt like this before, she marveled as her advisors discussed strategy, and she had to remind herself to pay attention to the task at hand.
The next two and a half hours were perhaps the most agonizingly slow hours of her life. Respite only came with the approach of supper and an urgent message for Leliana, who swept from the room at once, offering apologies.
“Commander?” Siobhan asked, trying to keep her voice controlled as Josephine gathered her notes. “A word before you go, please?”
“Of course, Inquisitor,” he replied.
Siobhan waited for Josephine to leave the room and for the door to close behind her before she circled the War Table to face Cullen properly. Only then did she realize she had no idea what precisely she should say to him. Her heart hammered in her chest as the seconds stretched on in tense silence, and still neither of them said a word. Cullen’s gaze was fixated on a point just over her shoulder, as if he were purposely avoiding her eyes. Did he perhaps regret any of the words he’d put in his letter? The sudden thought made her blood run cold.
Some of her fear must have shown in her expression, because Cullen’s eyes softened immediately as they turned to focus on hers.
Before she quite knew what she was doing, she threw herself against him with such force that he stumbled backward a few steps. Not a moment later, however, she was wrapped in his arms and kissing him fiercely. He chuckled when they broke apart.
“So,” he said, “you, ah … liked the letter then?”
Siobhan held him close, her cheek resting on his shoulder. “Immensely. You have no idea – ” she paused, unsure about whether or not her next words would come across as too much, too soon. “Nobody has ever said such things to me before. I’ve never had someone care for me like this, never had someone I – someone I’ve cared for like this.”
Cullen seemed unable to form a response to that. So instead he kissed her, over and over, and Siobhan kissed him back, clutching at the furs of his mantle. It took her several long moments to realize that the shaking she felt was her own body trembling, and she stumbled as her knees buckled. Cullen’s grip kept her from falling to the ground, and Siobhan moaned as he moved to press her against the War Table with the bulk of his body to keep her upright.
“Are you all right?” he murmured.
“Just kiss me,” Siobhan urged him breathlessly, feeling overwhelmed. Cullen obliged, slipping his tongue into her eager mouth and matching each of her groans with one of his own. One of his hands cradled the back of her head while both of her own clutched at his golden curls; they both seemed almost afraid of letting go, even for a moment.
Eventually, however, Cullen drew back slightly so he could look at her. He looked more blissful by far than ever Siobhan had seen him. They simply looked at one another for a time, the silence between them now comfortable instead of uneasy, before their lips found each other once again.
And again. And again.