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Vax found himself on the battlements of Whitestone castle, gazing up at the stars. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten here. He should be asleep. Rudius was bright, reflecting a faint reddish glow on the dark, still sky. It was the kind of quiet and stillness one could only truly find in the middle of the night. It should have been peaceful, but there was a sense of fear lurking deep in Vax’s chest that he couldn’t quite place. Maybe that was why he was out here, seeking out the fresh air to calm his racing mind.
Before he could consider this much further, a voice interrupted his thoughts.
“The stars are beautiful this time of year, aren’t they?” He started, surprised to find someone could sneak up on him like that. But it was only Keyleth. The druid was leaning on the wall next to him, gazing up at the sky. She was in her night clothes, her auburn hair scattered across her shoulder in messy waves. Even like this, she was the most beautiful person Vax had ever seen.
“They really are. Wasn’t expecting you out here, Kiki. I hope I didn’t wake you,” he said, reaching to take her hand but pausing when she shifted away.
“Oh, you did, but it’s okay. I figured I’d find you up here. I brought your robe too. Thought you might be cold.”
And sure enough, she was holding out a purple, velvet robe. It looked like something Gilmore had given him once. He could have sworn she wasn’t holding it a moment ago, but maybe the exhaustion was starting to play tricks on his mind. “Thanks, Kiki.” Vax shrugged on the robe, only now noticing he was shivering. “Aren’t you cold too?”
“I’ll be just fine,” she said, flashing him a grin with teeth that looked ever-so-slightly pointed. Maybe something left from her wildshape, Vax thought, his mind desperately trying to rationalize this observation. “I’m not sure about you though.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think you know.” Another sly smile, nothing like her usual awkward grin.
“I really don’t, Kiki.” Vax reached to take her hand again, and this time she grabbed his wrist with so much strength that it hurt. “Ow! What the hell is wrong, Keyleth?” He tried to pull away but her grip remained firm.
“What’s wrong, Keyleth?” she mocked. But it wasn’t her voice. It was Gilmore’s, deep and rich and so disconcerting to hear from Keyleth’s body. “What’s wrong is that you’re a coward, Vax’ildan. You’re a coward, and a fool.” She lunged towards him, and Vax felt a sharp pain in his gut. He gasped and looked down to find a dagger embedded in his abdomen, his blood hissing where it made contact with the cursed blade.
No.
No. Not again.
He looked back up to find his sister standing over him, grinning as she twisted the dagger further into his body. This time Vax couldn’t hold back a scream.
“You’re weak, brother,” Vex said. “You’ve always been weak. I should have left you behind years ago.”
“Vex… please,” he gasped, forcing the words through his uncooperative body.
“Oh, how he begs!” Gilmore’s voice again, laughing. But the figure had shifted, and now it was Hotis standing over him, fangs bared and yellow eyes glowing against the night sky. He pulled the knife out with a sickening squelch of blood and gore. Vax doubled over, one hand desperately clutching the wound as the other reached for his earring. As soon as he touched the gem, it shattered.
Hotis cackled. “No one’s coming to help you now, Vax. Now it’s time for you to pay.” He grabbed the front of Vax’s shirt, pulling him upright before sinking the dagger into his body yet again, this time between two ribs. Vax’s body lurched, and he coughed as his lungs began to fill with blood.
Hotis tossed him back to the ground, but his body didn’t hit stone as he was expecting. No, instead he landed slumped against something… soft. He scrambled forward desperately, nearly vomiting as he turned to see what was behind him. It was a pile of bodies. Cold, dead, eyes staring blankly towards him. Keyleth. Vex. All of Vox Machina, dead in front of him. And then there was Gilmore, Allura, Kima…
No.
His vision began to fade, Hotis’ soulless laughter and the images of his friends dead before him echoing through his mind and, then—
Vax woke with a gasp, lurching upright as panic coursed through his veins. His body was drenched in a cold sweat, his heart pounding in his ears.
“Vax?” a voice whispered next to him, still thick with sleep. It sounded like—no, Hotis couldn’t fool him, not this time. In a flash, Vax grabbed his dagger from the bedside table and rolled over, pinning the creature next to him. “Vax!” A scream, now. It looked like Keyleth, sounded like Keyleth. But he knew it wasn’t. He pressed the dagger to her throat. It’s throat. How dare this monster dare to take on the face of his love, as if it hadn’t done enough already. He snarled, leaning in further as he watched a thin rivulet of blood bead up along the dagger’s blade. How dare it—
“Vax, please, it’s just me,” the voice gasped, trembling with—was that fear? The shaking voice, the sheer terror reflected in the eyes of the person below him, it caused something to snap. He dropped the dagger as quickly as he had picked it up, leaning away with hands raised in surrender. This wasn’t Hotis. This was Keyleth. This was Keyleth, and they were safe in their bed in Whitestone, and he had almost—
“Oh gods, Kiki, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. I—are you alright?” Vax froze, caught between wanting to run and wanting to hold her close, to fix the damage he had caused. Keyleth grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, making the decision for him.
“What the hell was that Vax?” she said, voice tinged with anger. He flinched, again trying to back away. “Wait! I’m alright.” Keyleth’s voice softened, as if speaking to a wounded animal. “I’m okay. See?” She gently squeezed his wrist, then raised her other hand to her neck and whispered an incantation. Green light filled her palm and when she lifted it away, the wound was gone entirely.
“But really Vax, what happened?” She took hold of his other hand, thumb resting on his wrist. Vax could feel his pulse racing under her grasp, matching the slight tremor of her usually steady hands.
“Nightmare,” he said, unable to gather an explanation that would be suitable for what he’d done. For what he’d almost done. He tried to pull away again, but Keyleth wouldn’t let go. “Kiki, I shouldn’t be here, I almost hurt you. I did hurt you, I could have killed you, I—” Vax took a shuddering breath, trying to swallow the lump building in his throat. “It was him again, and he was you, and he was Vex, and Gilmore and…” It was no use. The tears broke free.
Keyleth pulled him closer, wrapping him in a hug, and he collapsed onto her shoulder. His whole body was shaking now with every sob. “It’s alright, Vax. You’re safe. I’m safe.” she said, holding him close. “ Vex, Gilmore, the rest of them? They’re alright too.”
“My fault… he even came here,” Vax choked out. It was his fault. His fault Hotis had found them in Whitestone, his fault for letting Hotis trick him, his fault for almost—
“No.” Keyleth’s voice was as firm as her hands, now gripping his shoulders and pushing him away until they were eye to eye. “This isn’t your fault. You didn’t know Hotis would come here. And the nightmare wasn’t your fault either. That wasn’t you, I know you would never hurt me, Vax. You were scared, fear got the better of you.”
“My fear,” added Vax. My fear, my weakness, my fault you almost—
“That doesn’t make it your fault. You had a nightmare, you relived something horrible, and you woke up terrified. I’ve felt the same thing, plenty of times. You’ve seen it.”
“But you don’t try to kill me after your nightmares.”
“No, but neither have you, until tonight. You didn’t know this would happen. And we’ll figure something out to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Maybe Pike will have some ideas! She’s got all that cleric-y stuff!”
“Maybe so,” Vax conceded. He couldn’t share in her optimism right now, with the feelings of panic still clawing at his chest, the memories of blood, pain, betrayal, threatening to resurface. He could feel his heart racing again, his breath growing ragged. It was all too much. Too much blood, too much pain. His betrayal. His fault. Weak. Worthless. He was a coward. His vision was blurring, his ears ringing, there was too much air. No, not enough. Not enough. Too much. He was too much. He was—
“...here, right here.” A voice cut through his spiraling thoughts. “You’re safe, I’m right here.” Hands were clasped around one of his own, pressing it against something. No, someone. He could feel a steady heartbeat under his palm, the measured rise and fall of lungs. His own heart and breathing began slowing to match this rhythm. In… and out. In… and out.
Several long moments passed before the buzzing in his mind faded. Vax couldn’t tell if it had been seconds or minutes, but eventually he opened his eyes. He didn’t remember even closing them.
“Hey, there you are. Back with me?” Keyleth released his hand, reaching to gently cup his face in her palm. Her thumb brushed away the tears staining his cheek. He could feel himself trembling under her touch, panic still lingering in his veins. “Vax?”
Right. Keyleth was talking to him. She was worried about him and she at least deserved a response. But the words wouldn’t form in his mouth, his brain moving sluggishly as it tried to reconnect with his body. He settled for a nod and a slight hum of assent. That would do for now.
“Good, okay, that’s good.” She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and Vax gratefully fell back into her embrace. Nothing else seemed to matter when he was in Keyleth’s arms. She was his sun, his light. His world. Soon their hearts were beating together, Vax’s breaths slow and steady to match her own. Her fingers were combing through his hair, tracing a calming path across his scalp.
“Love you, Kiki,” he murmured, finally finding the strength for words.
“I love you too, Vax. We’re going to be okay. Someday.”
“Someday,” he sighed. “If we run out of dragons to kill and gods to serve.”
“Right,” Keyleth giggled. Vax smiled too, despite everything. If they had to choose between laughing at the path fate had thrown at them or collapsing under the weight of it all, he supposed they could at least pick laughter. He finally pulled away, taking Keyleth’s hands in his own as she spoke. “Think you could go back to sleep?”
Vax paused, thinking about lying down again, closing his eyes, releasing control to sleep and— “I… I don’t know, Kiki.”
Keyleth sighed. “Yeah. Me neither.” She turned towards the window, where the faintest glimmer of purple light shone on the horizon. “It’s almost morning anyways. Wait—I have an idea!” She bounced off the edge of the bed, tugging him along. She grabbed their cloaks, pulling Vax’s over his shoulders, then started down the hall.
Soon they burst out the doors of the castle, into the crisp pre-dawn air. The guards turned towards them with a surprised look, but made no move to stop them as Keyleth led him into the empty streets of Whitestone, until they reached the base of the Sun Tree.
“Hey there, Sun Tree,” Keyleth said, laying her hand on the rough bark. A few bright new leaves had unfurled since Vax had last seen it, signs of the tree and the city finally healing. Vax expected to stop there, but Keyleth kept going. A vine sprouted from her hand, wrapping around one of the lower branches and pulling her up into the tree. “C’mon!”
“It’s way too early for this, Kiki,” he said, laughing once again. But he caught the vine she tossed down, climbing up to join her. Together, they climbed and pulled each other up until they were nearly at the top of the tree, the thinning branches starting to sway under their weight. They found a perch on one of the last sturdy limbs and looked out over the city.
The faint sliver of purple in the horizon was growing into the pinks and oranges of dawn. Vax gently wrapped an arm around Keyleth’s waist, and she leaned her head on his shoulder. “It’s nice up here.”
“I like the quiet. The world seems… more peaceful.”
“It really does,” he said, taking in the view of Whitestone around them, the hazy glow of sunrise joining the few lanterns lighting the streets. Vax pressed a gentle kiss to Keyleth’s brow. Together, they watched the sunrise, and with it, the dawn of a new day.