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Chapter Text

     Sirius was having a miserable time at his birthday party for multiple reasons. First and foremost, none of his friends could be here, as his parents threw this party, and they don’t approve of his friends. Secondly, his parents threw this party, so it was less of a party and more of a ball. Not uncommon for people of his social standing but still not something he enjoys, especially without anybody to hang out with. Of course, people were trying to hang out with him. Children of the people his parents associated with, who held their parents' beliefs, and Sirius therefore couldn’t stand. So, he has made an effort to stick with me all night to avoid everyone else. Which was going spectacularly for the most part. We stuck together and gossiped and judged everyone else at the party, at a bunch of food, and lamented the fact that we could not sneak out, as he is technically the person of honor. 

     “You know, at least the desert isn’t terrible.” I said, trying to reassure him as we ate seconds of his cake. 

     “Ah, Moony would’ve loved this cake.” He grumbled. Clearly, he’s determined to be upset that his friends couldn’t be here. Though I don't know why he would want to subject friends to this. Maybe misery truly does love company. ” Moony has such a sweet tooth. You would like him, if you ever met.”

     If we ever met, indeed. Sirius, prone to breaking the rules, has been sneaking out since he was a child. That’s how he met his friends in the first place, and why I have never met them. I would love to meet them honestly, they make Sirius happy, which is in short supply in this house. However, I have seen the punishments he receives if Mother finds out that he’s been gone, and I have never quite been able to tell myself that anything I could do out there is worth that. 

     This means that my only friends are friends of the family, Barty Crouch of the Crouch line of the Sacred 28, and Evan Rosier or the Rosier line of the Sacred 28. There are other nobles that aren’t in the Sacred 28, but we tend to not do business with them, or even some people in the Sacred 28, such as the Longbottoms. Yes, we are distantly related to them, but my parents do not support their beliefs and so do not interact with them. And since my parents don’t interact with them, I don’t either. 

     “I’m sure I’ll be able to meet all your wonderful friends someday.” I tell Sirius. "Eventually. Before I die.”

     Sirius looks at me over his plate and snorts.

     “You seem so sure. You know you could meet them tomorrow, if you were willing to come out.”

     “Yes,” I sighed. "But what would become of me when I return? What would become of you, if Mother finds out that you brought me out there?”

     “Nothing I haven’t been through before. Besides, there are actual, good people out there. Things to see, things to do.”

     “There are things to do here.”

     “I’m surprised you haven't read every book in the library yet.” Sirius rolled his eyes and shoved his plate away, clearly more interested in the conversation. "I’m eighteen now, you know.”

     I caught his eye, knowing that this was probably going to lead to an argument.

     “Really?” I said. "I thought we were celebrating your fifth birthday. You don’t act any older.”

     “I can leave now.” Sirius said. We maintained eye contact for a long moment, until I looked away, down to my hands, which I started messing with in my lap.

     “You can.” I muttered. 

     “Reg, you could come with me.” I could see him scoot his chair over and put his hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t look up. "We don’t have to be here anymore, and I don’t want to leave you.” At that, I looked up at him.

     “You can’t stay here just for me. They’re going to try and marry you off soon.”

     “Yes, and the second they try I’m going to say no.” He sighed and used the hand on my shoulder to pull me into a quick side hug.” I’m going to have to leave eventually.”

     “We don’t have anywhere to go.” I told him, pulling out of the hug so I could look at his face, but he didn’t seem concerned.

     “Of course we do! Prongs will take us in.”

     “I can appreciate your certainty, but they’ve never even met me. Why would they want a stranger in their home?”

     “So that you would be out of this one.” He pulls his arm off my shoulder and turns so he’s facing me completely. "They know what it’s like for us here. They have offered to let me stay with them before. I know they wouldn’t mind if you came too.”

     “I-” I was very quickly interrupted by Mother, tapping her glass and clearing her throat. Sirius and I quickly stood and faced where she was apparently, about to give a toast.

     “Everybody, thank you so much for coming, we are so grateful you could be here tonight to celebrate my son’s eighteenth birthday.” She starts, and she has everyone’s attention. She always does. This isn’t good. She is almost smiling, and she is being all polite and nice. Which she can do, especially to charm a crowd, but she’s talking about Sirius, and she normally doesn’t smile while doing that. "My husband and I are excited to announce that as our birthday gift to him, we have arranged a marriage between our son, Sirius, and Ursula Bulstrode.”

     There was polite clapping throughout the hall, but Sirius just looked at me with genuine fear in his eyes. Which, considering the circumstances, was completely understandable.

     “No.” He said, so quietly I almost couldn’t hear him. "I didn’t think it would be this soon. I thought I would have more time.”

     He started muttering to himself even quieter, too quiet for me to hear as he became more agitated. I thought he would have more time too. This is very not good. 

     I grabbed his elbow and stood close to him, making sure to smile for the crowd, in case they looked this way. 

     “Sirius, not here.” I whispered. "You have to calm down. Whatever you’re going to do, it will be ten times worse if you do it in front of this many people. You can tell them no, but tell them no later.”

     He just stares at me helplessly.

     “She’s our cousin.” He whispers back, clearly distressed.

     “Yes, our second cousin once removed. I’m aware of the family tree. It was always going to be a cousin and you knew that. Hell, even if it wasn’t a cousin, you still wouldn’t be happy about this, and I’m not saying you don’t have every right to be upset right now, but for your sake, please, push it aside and go say thank you to Mother.”

     I jerked his arm towards Mother and Father as I finished talking, making him look over and notice that everyone was finishing clapping, and starting to look at Sirius instead for his reaction. This gave him the kick he needed to start walking over to them. I could only hope that he didn’t make a scene in front of everyone. I hope he calmed down enough, but just from the look on Mother’s face I know it’s not good enough. Mother can tell Sirius isn’t happy, and she doesn’t like that. She knows it leads to rebellion.

     “Mother, Father.” Sirius starts, loud enough for the whole room to hear. "Thank you for thinking of me, and for this wonderful party. I am honored by your present, thank you so much.”

     Sirius is laying it on a little thick, Mother and Father are never going to believe that. The crowd does though, and that can only be a good thing. Sirius turns to face the crowd now.

     “Thank you again everyone, for coming. I’m glad you could hear the news. I look forward to getting to know Ursula during the wedding planning. But this was quite a lot of excitement for tonight, and as it’s getting late, I wish you all well as I leave for the night.”

     He nods to finish off his speech, then quickly leaves, which isn’t earning him any points with Mother. I can already tell that’s not going to go well later. 

     Mother waves her hand towards me, and I walk over to stand next to her and she grabs my shoulder in a vice grip.

     “Goodnight, all of you. Thank you for your kind gifts to Sirius, and for being here on this happy occasion.” She smiles at everyone and then loops her arm around Father’s and starts dragging him and me out of the room. 

     The party was in the ballroom of our own house, so she sent our butler, Kreacher, to make sure everyone had their coats and left in a timely manner. She hauled Father and I into her study and sat me down on a chair.

     “I’m going to get him, and we are going to sort this out.” she says quickly and turns sharply back around to stride out of the room, presumably to collect Sirius. Father just sighs and goes to sit in his own chair. He pulls out the newspaper from this morning and starts reading it like he hasn’t already finished the whole thing. I have no choice but to sit where I was placed, making sure my posture was perfect and my emotions are well hidden for the upcoming argument. I am only here to be a spectator; she thinks that Sirius will behave better if I’m around. He doesn’t.

     I hear Mother returning before I can see her, but that soon doesn’t matter as she comes in pulling Sirius behind her by his arm. He is already bleeding, looks like where he nails dug into his arm as she pulled him to the study. Once in the room she pushes Sirius towards the middle of the room, slams the door shut and slowly and calmly turns to face him again. She is now the predator, Sirius, her prey already scared at how calm she is acting and clutching his bleeding arm with his other hand.

     “Sirius, what was that about earlier?” Mother asks sweetly. "You left awfully quickly. Didn’t you like your present?”

     Sirius, as scared as I’ve ever seen him, glances at me quickly before looking back at Mother, head-on. Oh no, and he’s going to do it now.

     “No, I did not.” Sirius states clearly. His honestly startled Mother and Father for a moment. Father put down his newspaper and Mother gaped at him. She was expecting him to backtrack, obviously, try and get in her good graces. He should have, she is not going to let him get away with that.

     And she doesn’t. She slaps him on his cheek so hard, one of her rings leaves a cut and three of her nails scrape his cheek as they go across.

     “How dare you!” She shrieks at him. "You ungrateful child! After all your Father and I did to secure you a good, noble match-”

     “With my cousin.” Sirius interrupts. "Who I am under no circumstances, going to marry.”

     Sirius looks at me again, and this time, I understand. This is it for him. He’s going to leave.

     “Well, you have time to correct your decision.” Mother states. "In the meantime, Regulus go to bed, we’ll see you in the morning.”

     I look at her and know that she is going to hurt him. This is going to be worse than it ever has been. I nod, and stand to leave, looking back at Sirius as I go. I can’t tell what he’s thinking. If he’s glad that this is going to be it, because he knows that when this is over, he’s leaving. If he’s upset that I’m not staying, and he won’t have support or comfort in that room. Or if he’s maybe grateful that I won’t be there to see what happens next. Before I can figure it out the door closes behind me.

      I take a deep breath as I start walking away. I can hear shouting start as I turn the corner, and I go into a run as soon as I’m sure no one will see me. I run to the third-floor guest room. Straight through it to the bathroom it’s connected to. There is a collection of first aid supplies under the sink in this bathroom. We have to keep it here because Mother searches our rooms, and she doesn’t want us to be able to help each other. She has confiscated first aid supplies before. 

     I grab absolutely everything, knowing that whatever happens to Sirius, he’s going to need it. And then I’m running again, straight to Sirius’ bedroom. I go in, and it’s a mess of course because Sirius couldn’t keep anything clean even if he wanted to, and he doesn’t because the mess upsets Mother. 

     I put the first aid supplies on his bed as I go into his closet and grab a bag. I quickly pack as much as I can into it, an assortment of clothes, including all his favorites that I can think of. I pack his toiletries from his bathroom, and Sirius’ favorite things, like his two favorite rings, a picture of our cousin Andy and her family, and a dog plush that he showed up with a few years ago and has been undeniably attached to since. I know he can’t bring a lot, as in all likelihood I’m going to have to carry all of it, and him, so I try to keep it as light as possible while still giving him everything I can think of that he would miss once he’s gone. 

     Once I’m finished the bag is almost full, so I zip it and bring it and the first aid kit over to my room. I stash them quickly in the wardrobe in my closet and get out of my party clothes into lounge wear. I put on the only pair of sweatpants that I own, a t-shirt, and a pullover. I keep my socks on so that I can put my shoes on as fast as possible when it's time to go. Then I sit on my bed and wait. I grab a book that I cannot focus on, because I can hear the screams from the second floor. 

     It’s hours later before the screaming stops. The screaming mixed with shouting and thuds, and I could only sit there and try not to imagine what was happening. But they stopped now, it was quiet. I looked at my book, as there was a knock at my door.

     “Come in.” I said.

     Father walks in. He has blood on his pants, but his hands are clean. They always are.

     “Your mother has gone to take a bath, and then we are both going to bed.” Father states. "Your brother is in the closet, he will be there until morning. Have a good night.”

     And that is not good, because now they’ll know that I helped him once they discover he’s gone tomorrow. But there’s nothing to do about that now. 

     “Goodnight, Father.”

     Father leaves me alone and I wait for another hour. Hoping that Sirius is going to be okay once I get there. After the hour has passed and I’m sure Mother and Father are in their room starting to sleep, I get up. I put on my shoes, and grab Sirius; bag and the first aid kit. I sneak as best as I can down the hall, as our parent’s bedroom is on the third floor with both of ours. But I’ve always been good at being quiet, so I make it to the stairs and go as quickly as I can to the closet on the first floor. It’s an old coat closet, and Mother and Father lock us in there when they feel the need. 

     I put the bags in the parlor next door to the closet, just in case, and I knock quietly on the closet door.

     “Sirius?” I whisper. All I receive back is a groan. I start to pick the lock. "Sirius, I'm going to get you out. Please don’t be leaning on the door.” That had happened once. He fell on me and then blood got everywhere.

     I got the door unlocked and started easing it open, Sirius was leaning on the back wall. I left the door and grabbed the arm Sirius held out and put it around my shoulder so I could help him walk to the parlor.

     “Hey, Reggie.” Sirius grunts as we make our way out of the closet. "Glad to see you.”

     “Conserve your energy.” He grunts again in response.

     We make it to the parlor, and I sit him down in a chair and then go and hit the lights. When I turn and see him, I immediately wish I hadn’t. He does not look good at all.

     “Sirius, what did she do to you?” I gasped. I grabbed the first aid kit and dragged it over. I knelt in front of him and tried to survey the damage to figure out where to start. His left shoulder is dislocated, and it looks like she broke a finger on his hand. I dig in the kit for a lot of rags. I wet one in some alcohol and hand it to Sirius, who takes it with his good arm to start wiping the blood off his face.

     “Sirius.” He pauses in his scrubbing to look at me. “I’m going to fix your shoulder now. Can you keep quiet?”

     He is clearly not excited about the prospect, but nods anyway. I nod back and give him some painkillers to take. He swallows then dry and as soon as he’s finished, he slides out of the chair to lay on his back. He looks away from his shoulder and shoves his shirt in his mouth. I grab the wrist of his dislocated arm and slowly pull it straight away from his body. Sirius is groaning the entire time, but unfortunately it is not a process you can speed up. Once his joint slides back into place I help him sit up again and get a sling on his arm. I put a small splint on his broken finger, then try to see if he’s bleeding from anywhere else. 

     Sirius has managed to wipe the blood off of his face, but his other shoulder is still bleeding from Mother’s nails. I clean and wrap that as quickly as possible. His ankle is obviously sprained and very swollen, but there’s nothing that can be done about that or the many bruises that cover his body. Once done with my assessment I sit back to look at him.

     “Are you going to be okay?” I ask. Sirius looks me right in my eyes.

     “I have to leave.” 

     There is a short moment of silence, before I nod.

     “I know.” I said. I stand and grab the back I packed for him, putting the remnants of the first aid kit inside it, since I didn’t have time to put it back where it goes.

     Sirius just stares at me with wonder and sorrow.

     “I packed you as best as I could” I ignored the look he was giving me. "You’re going to have to tell me how to sneak out of here, because I don’t know how, and you can’t walk on your own.”

     I reach sling the bag’s strap over my shoulder, so it is resting against my hip and hold my arm out to help Sirius up. He nods and grabs my hand. I help him to his feet, wrap his good arm around my shoulder so he can keep his weight off of the sprained ankle, which we are lucky is his right one. It would have been difficult if he had hurt his left arm and left leg. Once we are situated, I start walking us out of the parlor, only to stop once we’re out the door.

     “Sirius, where am I going? I know we can’t just go out the front.”

     “The kitchen, out to the vegetable garden.”

     We head that way in silence, trying to move as quickly and quietly as possible. Waking our parents at this moment would be a disaster for us both. Once in the vegetable garden, Sirius takes the lead. We go down the path past the statue walk, then he leads us through a hedge, into the forest on the other side. 

     “You can go to your friend's house, right?” I ask him as he starts through the forest. 

     “Yeah.” Sirius pants out.

     I try to memorize the path so I can make my way back later. There is a barely distinguishable trail, probably made by Sirius walking this path so many times. But we don’t have any light except for the moon, so it’s difficult to make out any landmarks. Thankfully it does seem to be a pretty straight journey.

     “You’ll finally get to meet everybody.” Sirius says.

     “Will I?” I ask. "Because this is a pretty long walk and I’ve got to make it back home before Father wakes up.”

     Sirius halts abruptly, turning as much as he can while I’m supporting half his body. For the first time, he seems to notice that I only have one bag.

     “Reg, you’ve got to come with me.” I can hear the pleading in his tone. He’s almost begging. I just get us walking again.

     “I can’t.” 

     Sirius tries to complain, but I have given this a fair bit of thought.

     “I’m not eighteen yet Sirius,” I say as fast as possible so he can’t interrupt me. "If Mother and Father find out that I’m gone too, they can come after me. They can claim that you kidnapped me, or that your friends kidnapped me. You know they’ll do whatever it takes to get one of us home. You know that it has to be me.”

     I do my best not to look at him as I can hear him start to sniff. If I looked, I’m sure I would see him crying. I can start to see a few lights in front of us though. Eventually we reach a wall, and I cannot see a door, but we are fairly illuminated from the light on the perimeter. Sirius leans on the wall and turns to look at me.

     “We can figure it out, Reggie.” He looks at me, and he looks so incredibly sad, like he doesn't even believe what he’s saying. "These people are good. They will help us.”

     “I’m not letting anybody go to jail for me.” I state flatly.” I am very glad that they will help you, but these are good people and I’m not going to let Mother ruin their lives over me. I’m sixteen, my birthday is months away. It’s only a year and a half, and then I can leave on my own and they won’t be able to do anything about it.”

     “They’re going to hurt you, Reggie!” Sirius complains. Like I don’t already know this. "They’ll know you let me out of the closet, they’ll know you helped me.”

     “I know.” I place his bag at his feet. “And it will be worth it to know that you are safe. So go be safe with your friends.”

     Sirius looks like he’s about to cry again. I feel like I could cry, but that is mostly overshadowed by the relief that Sirius is going to be okay. 

     Sirius uses his good arm to pull me into a hug, which I accept for a moment, then I pull away.

     “I have to find my way back.” I back up a few steps and Sirius just watches me go as the first few tears start to slide down his face. "You’ll be okay now, right?

     I stop and wait, because I’m not leaving until I know that he’ll be okay. Sirius takes a long time to answer, like he knows that I’m leaving as soon as he does. But eventually he answers.

     “All of my friends live in this complex. I can make my way to the door from here.” He grabs his bag and straightens back up, putting the strap on his right shoulder then using the hand to balance on the wall to keep the weight off his leg. “I’ll be fine Reg. Thank you.” 

     I don’t want to leave. I know what’s waiting for me back at the house. But the knowledge of what will happen to Sirius and everyone he cares about strengthens my resolve.

     “I love you Sirius.” I say and turn into the woods to make my way back home.

Chapter Text

     It’s months later before I can make my way out of the house again. Mother had broken one of my legs for helping Sirius, so I was on bed rest for months. Then I could barely walk because I was stuck on crutches so there was no way I could make it through the forest. And when my leg was finally better, Mother basically had me on guard until I could convince her I wasn’t going to run away like Sirius did.

     My birthday has come and gone. It’s the beginning of August, the start of fall, and Sirius’ next birthday is in three months. I haven’t seen him since his last birthday, I haven’t been able to receive or send any mail, so I haven’t been able to talk with him at all. So, I am going to go back through the forest to see if I can see him at the complex.

     The complex is rather large, and of course, there’s the whole wall in the way. I didn’t stay to see where the gate was, so I just pick a direction and walk along the wall that way. Theoretically I will eventually reach something. But something reaches me first, and I fall to the ground when they run into me.

     I lean myself up onto my elbows to see who ran into me. It was a boy, tall, probably around my age. He looks quite startled to see me actually.

     “ Who are you?” He asks. He runs his fingers through his messy black hair before he realizes that he was the one who ran into me, and decides to help me up. “ I’m James.” He holds his arm out for me to grab. I look up at him for a moment more, his figure framed by the trees and his dark brown skin seeming to glow in the sunlight.

     Shaking my head, I grab his hand and let him yanks me up to standing. I take a moment to brush the grass off my pants before I start heading off, continuing in the direction I was going before.

     “Hey, wait!” He shouts, coming to walk beside me.” Who are you anyway? I haven’t seen you before.”

     “ Oh, and you just know everybody?” I scoff.

      “ Well, I certainly know everybody around here.” He states.” So….”

     “ None of your business, please leave me alone.”

     I found a gate. Probably not the main one as we’re nowhere near a road, but I can see through it into the complex. There’s a castle to the back, probably where the noble family of this complex lives, and sprawling in front of it is a nice little village. Lots of houses, a market, there’s clearly a school, which is impressive because not all complexes have those. My parents' complex doesn’t, but education for children that were not their own was never a priority. All the kids in our complex go to the Crouch school in the complex to the east of ours. This complex is northwest, closer to the main city.

     This complex is nothing like the ones I’ve seen so far. It’s a lot busier and more crowded, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to find Sirius. Especially since I can’t get in. As a visitor I would need permission to enter another noble’s complex. 

     “What are you doing, exactly?” The boy from earlier asks. He’s just looking at me, leaning up against the wall with his ankles crossed as he messes around with a ball in his hands.

     Realizing that I’m not going to be able to find Sirius this way, I turn away from the complex with a quiet sigh.

     “ Absolutely nothing.” I tell him, meeting his eyes. He has hazel eyes from what I can tell through his glasses. His glasses frame his face quite nicely actually. ” I’ll be going now.”

     I turn away from him before I can decide to stare into his eyes forever, but he grabs my wrist as I start to walk away. I do stop, but I just stare at where his hand is touching me. I have never been touched this gently by anyone other than Sirius. It would have been easy to pull on me or squeeze my wrist to make me stop, but instead he just barely grabbed me, letting me stop myself as I felt him, rather than forcing me to stop himself. I don’t know what that means, but it has made something in my stomach churn as I realize this stranger has been nicer to me than anyone else I’ve met. And I’ve been fairly rude to him as well. 

     He breaks me out of my thinking by clearing his throat and letting me go. I track the movement of his arm as he brings it back to run it through his hair again.

     “ Sorry.” He mutters. I do not know how long I was staring at where he was touching me, but he seems very confused. “ Just, what can I call you?”

     I blink at him slowly. “ Excuse me?” I sound surprised, which I shouldn’t, I should be better than that.

     “ Well, you seem to not want to tell me your name, as I’ve already asked you twice who you are, but I have to call you something.” 

     I raise my eyebrow at him, and make sure to keep my tone flat when I respond.

     “ You absolutely do not. You’re probably never going to see me again, so it doesn’t matter much either way.”

     “ Wait, why won’t I see you again?” He looks disappointed. It brings a pucker to his lips that wasn’t there before, and I can’t help but look at them for a moment. Unfortunately, he does seem to notice this. “ You don’t want to see me again?”

     Now his entire tone has changed, instead of confused he is now confident, and he has a glimmer in his eyes that I rather enjoy seeing there. It matches the glow in his skin, and the curve of his lips while he smiles, and I have got to get a grip.

     I turn away from him and start walking into the woods, not towards home yet, but away from the complex where he seems to live.

     He, of course, just follows me. 

     “ What are you doing?” I ask him, stopping once he catches up to me. Which he does rather quickly with his stupidly long legs.

     “ I thought I was going on a walk with my new friend, but we can just stay here if you want.”

     “ We are not friends!” I splutter. ” We do not know each other in the slightest.”

     This just makes him smile and he comes around to stand in front of me, holding his hand out again. “ I’m James. Nice to meet you.”

     I just stare at his hand for a moment like it's going to bite me for a moment, before ignoring it entirely and looking up at him instead.

     “ That was not an invitation to get to know each other.” I said blandly, pointedly crossing my arms as he pulled his arm back to his side.

     “ Sure sounded like one to me!” He is so excitable. I swear there is no reason for anyone to have this much energy.” Besides, not knowing each other is very easily fixed. I’ll even start if you want.”

     This boy thinks it’s just easy to get to know people, I let out a huff throwing my arms to my sides and sending up a quick prayer to help deal with him. Reluctantly, I do find myself wanting to know more about him. He is the first person I’ve met outside of my family’s social circle, and he seems so nice . Like, genuinely . And for no reason. I turn to look at him again and send up another quick prayer, hoping that I wasn’t about to be the worst thing that has ever happened to this poor boy.

     After a while of us just looking at each other, he puts his hand in his pockets and starts leaning back and forth on his heels.

     “ I live here.” He starts.

     “ I gathered that bit for myself, thanks” I didn't mean to do that. Do I know how to not be rude? “ I do not.” There, I told him something. He starts smirking in response.

     “ Gathered that for myself, thanks.” 

     I huff out a breath in what could’ve been a chuckle if it had more layers to it. He doesn’t seem insulted by my attitude at least, which is good because the only people I know how to be are unapproachable and rude, or polite society boy for my parents. I would much rather be unapproachable and rude, because it feels closer to honesty, and I don’t want to lie to James. For reasons beyond me, I’m intrigued by the possibility of making a friend that doesn’t know anything about me. 

     “ Are you actually trying to get to know me?” I don’t know why he would at this point. Does he go around befriending everyone he meets in the woods? Or does he feel the same weird draw that I feel when I look at him, the same pull telling me that I want to know more.

     “ I’d love to, yeah.” He sounds excited again. ” What’s your favorite color?” 

     I just huff out another breath as I glance into his eyes again. He doesn’t seem to be lying. There is little likelihood of this getting back to my parents, and I do have some time before I need to be back home. So I just collapse so I’m sitting with my back against a tree and my legs spread out in front of me. He follows me down and leans against his own tree, looking completely at ease to be sitting with a random stranger. 

     “ Mine is red.”

     I blink at him, astonished by how open he can be with a stranger. It’s just his favorite color, but the amount of honesty and sincerity in his tone is unfamiliar.

     “ Green.” I hear myself saying without knowing that I was going to respond. I frown at myself, but then he looks at me and is smiling bigger than I’ve ever seen anybody smile before. This man is just happiness personified. Like if joy itself was a human. I have no idea why he’s sitting with me, but I find myself giving a small smile back.

     And just like that we sat together talking for over an hour. I enjoyed getting to know him, he was truly a nice person. He was sweet and funny, I almost laughed out loud twice, but I managed to hold myself together. He didn’t stop smiling the entire time, and I found myself quite mesmerized with it at times. It didn’t seem like it was an effort to smile, and he didn’t seem to be trying to hide his emotions at all.

     He was so open and talking with him was exhilarating in a way. For me to be able to learn about someone else so freely, with no reservations or politics. He didn’t seem to care what I knew about him, happy that I was asking questions at all. Likewise, he didn’t care when I didn’t say much about myself, much too interested in learning about him to want to chase him off with my own personality. 

     But eventually I realized that time had passed. Quite a bit if the position of the sun was any indication, which it definitely is. James noticed that I started frowning in the middle of his story about his mom. And there was no reason to frown at that. Truly, his mom sounded amazing. Just as amazing as James, everything somebody like him deserved, and nothing like Mother at all.

     “ Hey, are you okay?” He asked me softly. I tried to smile at him in response, but I don’t think I managed it well enough.

     “ It’s getting late, James.”

     James looks to the sky for himself and frowns a little when he realizes that I’m right. That’s not okay at all. This whole time he’s been talking about himself, and he never once stopped smiling, then I go and open my mouth and look what happens.

     “ I’m sorry.” 

     James looks back at me. “ You have to go now?”

     I nod. He nods. Neither of us move to get up.

     “ Can I see you again?” James asks. And oh, I guess I haven’t ruined it yet. He wants to see me again, despite everything.

     “ Yes.” I practically breathe the word, feeling it down to my core, with how much I want to see him again. And there, his smile is back. I can feel his smile warming me from the inside out, and suddenly my cheeks are hot, and I might be starting to sweat. 

     I stand up quickly, trying to shake off whatever that was.

     “ I can come back in a week.” I tell him. ” A week from today, if you’re available.”

     He pushes himself to his feet and nods at me.

     “ I will see you then.” 

     With that I turn and go, escaping his smile, but immediately wanting to be back in the presence of it, feeling cold without it, and missing the way just his smile made me happy enough to want to smile back.

Chapter Text

     I do meet him again the next week. I go straight to the gate this time, to see if I can catch a glimpse of Sirius. I never see him, but I don’t know how long I was looking before James finds me.

     “ What are you doing?” He asks, stepping up next to where I’m clutching the gate. I let it go and turn to him.

     “ Well that’s none of your business is it?
     I step away and start walking into the forest, towards where we sat last time. I can hear James huff a laugh behind me.

     “Are we doing this again?” He laughs as he starts walking next to me.” I thought we left on better terms last time.

     “ Clearly we did or I wouldn’t be speaking to you.”

     “ Lovely, well since we’re clearly besties now, why don’t you tell me what's going on.”

     We make it back to where we sat last time and I take a seat at the base of my tree. James sits down across from me, and I take a moment to study him. He looks happy, and he smiles when he catches me looking at him. I just turn to look back in the direction we came from, you can’t see the gate from here, you can see the towers of the complex though. Three towers that seem to come from the castle inside and the clock tower in the square.

     “ I was hoping to see somebody.” 

     “ Was it me?” I turn back to see James smirking, and roll my eyes at him.

     “Not particularly. Especially since I didn’t even know you existed when I came here last week.”

     James furrows his eyebrows. “That’s true. So who did you come here to see?”

     I glance towards the clock tower again. “ A boy from my complex came here. I wanted to see what became of him.” When I look back James’ face has hardened. Not a look I expected to see on him, and I doesn’t sit quite right on his face.

     “ What complex are you from?” 

     “ The Black Family complex.” This does not help the look, but I can’t tell what he’s thinking.” You wouldn’t happen to know him would you? Sirius Black?”

     “ We’re not allowed to discuss it.” He’s sharp with his words, and I wasn’t expecting it from him so I flinch back on instinct.

     James notices and softens a little. “ I’m sorry, but people have been looking for him, so we’re not allowed to discuss it, especially with people outside of the complex.”

     “ Right.” I nod to myself.” Well no one has ever left my complex before and they really aren’t happy about it, so that makes sense. You said people are looking for him, is his family trying to bring him back?”

     James chews on his lip for a moment as he glances over me. “ Something like that. Is it really bad at the Black Complex? I’ve heard some things.”

     Then I realize that his eyes are looking over me for bruises. I bring my knees in and wrap my arms around myself. Looking down and talking into my knees.

     “ It’s fine.”

     “ Are you trying to leave?”

     I look back up at him, trying not to give anything away.

     “ No.”

     He just tilts his head to the side and leans fully back into the tree, staring up at the sky through the leaves.

     “ You could if you wanted to. We always take in people here.”

     “ Who’s complex is this?” That makes him turn towards me with a look of disbelief on his face that almost makes me chuckle.

     “ You don’t know?”

     “ Well, I wouldn’t have asked if I did.” This did nothing to help him with his confusion, so I continued.” The Black Family complex doesn’t trade with this one. I know where all the complexes we trade with are, but that still leaves a few open possibilities.”

     “ It’s the Potter house complex. The noble family, the Potters, they take in the homeless from all of the other complexes. We have a shelter, and a food bank if you need it.”

     This actually makes me chuckle.

     “ Do I seem homeless?”

     James shakes his head at me. “ No, but if you do ever feel like leaving your complex, you should know that the people here are only too happy to help.”

     “ Even you?” I don’t know why I asked because James is the best person I’ve ever met, but I haven’t met a lot of good people. It could be possible that even good people have their limits. Limits like helping complete strangers become refugees in their complexes. Thing like that could get you in a lot of trouble. Would get him in a lot of trouble if anyone from my complex finds out about it. 

     “ I would help you in a heartbeat.” James replies, locking eyes with me. I can feel my breath catch and my heart stutter.

     “ You’re a good person then James. But I won’t be leaving my home for a while now.”

     “ You have plans to leave?”

     “ Eventually. There are some plans to make, some precautions that need to be taken before I can do anything. Are you always going to live here?” James laughs, and it's beautiful, it’s loud and free, and as soon as it stops I want to hear it again.

     “ Yeah, I’m planning on it.” 

~

     We make plans to meet up the next week, and we do. Every week, I go back to the same spot in the woods that we sat in before, and eventually he sits right across from me, leaning against the same tree, and we sit and talk for as long as I can before I have to go back home. It is the best part of my week just being able to see him. But I also get to sit with him, and we talk and I learn more about him. He is so open about himself and his life. I am not, but he doesn’t seem to mind that much when I evade questions or give him short answers and move on. He never pushes for more, always happy to take whatever I choose to give him. He could complain, and if he pushed harder I feel like I would crumble and tell him everything. But he doesn't, so I'm safe to bask in my anonymity. 

     It’s nice having someone that doesn’t know me. Having someone that can’t get back to my parents so long as I don’t let it. He still doesn’t even know my name, but I have told him things that I wouldn’t have told anyone else. Things that Barty and Evan don’t know and I’ve been friends with them longer than anyone. Things that Sirius doesn’t know, mostly because he wasn’t here for them since he left.

     And as much as I enjoy seeing him, I am dreading today’s visit in particular. My feelings are validated, as James sits against his tree, I look up at him. He gasps and the expression on his face, I never wanted to see that there. I never wanted to put that there.

     “ Who did that to you?” He sounds so angry. I’ve never heard him angry before.

     “ It’s not important, James.” He did not like that, he stands immediately, despite having just sat down.

     “ Not important!”  He shouts, and I flinch from the noise, bringing my knees up and hugging them to my chest as I bury my face in my legs. There is no noise for a moment, before I hear a shuffling, and then there’s a hand on my head. I look up and he slides his hand down to my cheek, running his finger along the bruise there.

     “ You’re hurt, Charming. Of course it’s important.” James has been trying to annoy me into telling him my name. Which I have been avoiding doing, because as much as I want to see Sirius, I can’t let him know that I’ve been coming out here. But I have been getting closer to doing everyday anyway, if only to stop James from calling me all these things which cause my heart to flutter disturbingly. But my parents haven’t been kind since Sirius left, and he would know immediately all the pain I’m in. Which even James can see now, because of the very noticeable bruise they left on my face. Sirius would try and get me to leave again and at this point I might let him. But I can’t put everyone in danger like that, I’m not worth the wrath my parents would bring down on them. I have to wait. Just until I'm eighteen. Only a little while longer.

     I can feel my face getting warm again, though I do not know If it’s because he called me Charming or because of how softly he is touching my face.

     “ There’s nothing to be done about it, James.” And there isn’t. There is nothing that he could do to stop my parents, so it’s no use bothering him about it.” You don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine.”

     “ This shouldn’t be happening to you.” James says, still angry.

     “ James, this happens to everyone.” James flinches back, his hand coming off my cheek. 

     “ It most certainly does not . What happens in the complex, for fuck’s sake no one should be going around beating people up!”

     “ It wasn’t people, James, It was one person, and I’m fine.” James stands up and starts pacing, so I stand up as well.

     “ One person is easily dealt with. Who was it?”

     “ James, you can’t fix this.”

     “ Who did this to you? ” He turned facing me, his hands are in fists at his side, and his chest is heaving. I reach my hand out and grab one of his, loosening his fingers from the fist and wrapping my hand through his.

     “ James, please . If you need me to go, I’ll leave and I won’t come back until it's gone so you don’t have to see it.” James squeezes my hand.

     “ That has nothing to do with it. Someone hit you . That shouldn’t be happening.”

     “ Well I can’t go back and make it un-happen , so if you can’t deal with my face being bruised, I’ll just go.” I release his hand, but I don’t get a chance to go anywhere myself before he is backing me up against the tree, my back pressed against it and one of his hands on the tree beside my head. He brings his other hand up and slowly, so very softly, caressing my bruise. My heart is on fire, and my breaths are shallow as I try not to move.

     “ This shouldn’t have happened to you.”

     “ Well, if it had to happen to someone, It might as well be me.”

     His eyes flashed as he leans in towards me, our legs pressing together and his chest on mine, and it’s getting very hard to breathe.

     “ You don’t deserve to be hurt, you know.” He whispers.

     “ What do I deserve exactly?”

     “ All the good things.” His answer is immediate and I can feel his breath hitting my face as he speaks.” Happiness and comfort and warmth. You deserve to be surrounded by people who care for you and want only the best for you. Can you tell me you have that?”

     “ I might be as close as I’m going to get right now.” I let out, taking in the heat of James surrounding me, the gentleness of his touch and the sweetness of his words. James takes his bottom lip between his teeth and my eyes track the movement.” I’m with all the good things in my life right now.”

     James sucks in a breath and I look up from his lips to his eyes and it takes my eyes meeting his before he is leaning forward and kissing me. Just as softly and gently as he has ever touched me, his lips meet mine and all the warmth that was surrounding me from his presence makes its way into my skin. It digs its way into my blood, and kissing has never felt like this before.

     I use both my hands to grip the front of his shirt and pull him even closer as I start to kiss back. He pulls away for a moment, breathless and smiling, and laughs for a second before leaning back in.

Chapter Text

     Home has never seemed quite as dreary as it is right after visiting James. Everything here is black -an homage to the name-, and dark, and cold. James and I have been meeting each other for months, one week at a time, and every time I come home I can feel the effort navigating my parents is putting towards freezing me again, turning me emotionless and cold as they are. 

     But then I see James. James and his bright smile, and effortless laugh- I can make James laugh, isn’t that incredible-, and he is so free and full of life that it softens me right down to my core the second I see him again. It’s becoming worse, and now, on my fourth visit with him, I’ve found myself in our clearing but he made it there first and now I can’t stop looking at him. James is laying a blanket out on the grass, nice of him since it rained last night, and all I can do is stand here and take in every shift of him. Every movement as he flattens the blanket and stands back up from where he was crouching. I watch him as he turns and there are his eyes, beautiful behind glasses that only make them seem larger and more full of joy, and his smile which is becoming larger by the second as we stand there. Which probably has something to do with whatever expression I am making, so I need to stop that right now. 

     I shake my head and, with some effort, tear my eyes away from him to look at the blanket. I make my way to the far corner and sit down, crossing my legs over each other.

     “ This is nice, James.” I run my hand along the blanket, which is very soft and slightly fluffy. I can’t feel any trace of the dew from the grass beneath it. “ Thank you.”

     I can feel James sit next to me so our knees end up touching and it takes all my concentration for a moment to not lean in or pull away. I make myself stay still as he settles. Once he is still as well, I look up at him, and he is so close I can smell him and how is that fair. How is he just so comfortable with everything when it takes all I have not to run?

     “ Only the best for you, Charming.”

      I scoff. “ That again, really? Are you running out of ideas?”

     “Gorgeous, Beautiful, Babe, Love,” James starts listing and none of these are doing good things for my heart, and I can feel how red and hot my face is becoming.

     “ James, stop.” I mutter.

     “ Of course, Charming.” I huff out an actual chuckle.

     “ James- you can’t keep- I’m not,” I can’t think of anything that would make him actually stop, unless I just told him it was bothering me. He seems like the type of person that would stop if is was genuinely bothering me. The problem is it isn’t, I just don’t deserve for someone like James to be flattering me like he is. " You can’t keep doing this to me.” 

     “ Charming just feels like it fits so well.” 

     “ I don’t think there’s any universe in which I could be considered charming.” I respond dryly. “ And what are we doing, James?”

     “ I thought we were on a date, but if you’d prefer we can go back to being besties who meet up in the woods every week.”

     I turn myself so I’m facing him. I’m sitting more in the middle of the blanket now, but our knees are still touching and I can see his face without craning my neck. “ Are we dating, James? Can you date someone you don’t even know?”

     James, sensing the seriousness of the conversation, leans forward, resting an arm on his knee and using that arm to prop up his head with a fist under his chin.

     “ I think I know you well enough to want this to be a date.”

     “ James, you don’t even know my name, and I can’t tell you.” I know I'm getting frustrated, but I need James to understand. This can't end well no matter what they do and despite how much he wants to it would be too reckless to start something that would only hurt them. And Regulus doesn't want to hurt James.

     “Why not?”

     “ If anyone from my complex knew that I was here…” I fall backwards until I’m lying on the blanket staring up at the sky. “ Well I’d never be able to come back for one. For another I would probably end up with a lot more bruises. You may or may not get into trouble with my complex personally, but your complex would almost definitely get into trouble with mine. All I can do is bring complications and difficulty into your life, and I don't want to be responsible for making you miserable. Or anyone miserable, and if it didn't come back directly on you, which I would try my best to avoid letting your name get out, they'll still know which complex you're from. Which could hurt your trade negotiations, it could hurt the other people that you live with, it could hurt a lot of people, James.”

     James moves so he's hovering over me where I'm lying down. He's still mostly to the side of me, but he's pushed up so one of his arms is straight and either side of my head.

     " Charming, you don't need to tell me your name. I don't want anything to happen to you either, and if it would put you in danger, then don't. Names aren't so important anyways. Me and my friends all gave each other nicknames, we rarely call each other by our real names nowadays. You can go by whatever nickname you'd like. I can keep calling you Charming, or you can make one up on your own. Your name isn't what's important and I can know you without knowing your name. I know that you're good, and smart, and you care about others so much that you always put other happiness before your own." I may have started to cry, just a little, one or two tears falling down my cheeks. " I know that you're capable and funny, and you deserve the happiness that you try so hard to give to others and I would be so happy if you could let me try and give you that." 

     “ I’m not as good as you think I am James.” I whisper to him. “ And you deserve so much better than me.” 

     “ I don’t think there is anyone better for me.” James mumbles. “ I don’t think I’ll ever like someone the way that I like you. All that I want is for us to try. For us to try to be together. For you to try to let me show you what you deserve, and for me to try and let that be me even if you deserve more than I could ever give you.”

     I shake my head. “ There is no more. Nothing more than you. You are everything. Everything I could ever want or need. Everything I could ever ask for. Everything good in my whole world has come from you. You give me hope when I’m back home and happiness whenever I think of you, and all I need to make it through the week is to know that I’ll be seeing you again at the end of it.”

     Then we’re kissing again. It's soft and it’s sweet and so full of hope. And so what if Regulus doesn’t deserve this, James deserves everything. James deserves everything he could ever want, and if James wants him to try then I am going to try harder at this than anything else I’ve ever done. I am going to try and be what he deserves, try and show him how happy he makes me.

~

     Two weeks later and they're still trying. And since the goal is to make each other happy, and all the other needs is their presence to make that happen, it has been going pretty well. Better than I thought it would be, and I'm enjoying every second that I can spend with James' arms around me.

     “ So, there’s going to be a party in my complex.” James hugs me tighter while he's speaking and places a kiss on my head when he's done

     “ Yes, most complexes have Christmas celebrations, James. My complex is celebrating with the Rosier’s in their complex on Christmas.” I lean farther into him and try to look up so I can see him smiling down at me.

     “ No, I know that all the complexes will be celebrating, I just.” James huffed a breath and ran his fingers through his hair. " I was just hoping you might be able to come. To our party. It’s on Christmas Eve so it won’t interfere with your complex’s party.”

     I stared at him for a few moments.

     “ You want me to go to a party in the Potter complex?” I gasp out. What an absolutely ridiculous notion. " James, if anyone from my complex found out I would die.”

     James deflates at this, and I can’t help but to want to make him smile again. Here I am, failing at the one goal.

     “ James.”

     “ No, I know, it was just a thought. I would’ve liked for you to be there, that’s all.” He shrugs putting his arms back around me and placing his chin on top of my head. " I'm going to miss seeing you that day, I won't be able to come out beforehand, and that means we'll have to go two weeks without seeing each other."

     “ James, I would love to go.” I pull out of his arms so I can turn and face him, still sitting in his lap. I grab both of his hands in mine and pull them into my lap.” I can find a way, James.” I will have to sneak out of the house for real if my parents are going to be home that day. And Sirius is probably going to be at the party, which means I’ll finally be able to see him, maybe.

     James looks at me and starts shaking his head. " I don’t want you to get hurt. You being there is not worth putting your life in danger. I understand that it would be dangerous for you to do, not to mention what might happen if you're caught. It's okay.”

     This man is going to kill me at the rate he is affecting my heart. “ I will find a way James. I promise I’ll be there.” Anything I can do to see James and make him happy is something I'm going to make happen. Plus, there's a chance that I could see Sirius and make sure he's okay and that is too much to pass up. I can get help. Evan and Barty can probably help me sneak out and back in if I have to get past my parents. Actually, they've been wanting to meet James, and they'd like to see the complex too after everything I have told them about it. They’ll probably help me regardless of if I truly need them or not just for the opportunity. And if my parents are gone that day, all the better for all of us. 

     James’ face lights up at my words, and he kisses me, grabbing my face with both hands and deepening the kiss immediately. I am pushed backwards by the force of it, but I prop myself up with one arm and use my other to wrap around James, pushing him in.

     I let out a truly embarrassing whine when James pulls away, but he’s still smiling at me. And the smile on his face is worth everything I could possibly offer him. How could I ever say no to him? He deserves all that this world has to give. Anything, everything I have is his, all he has to do is ask for it.

Chapter Text

     “ This is crazy.” I mutter to myself before walking into the castle. Barty and Evan follow close behind me. I follow the sounds of music until I reach the ballroom. It’s beautifully decorated and already very crowded. I don’t see anybody I know, except for Barty and Evan of course, and I turn to them.

     “ So, I don’t see him, and now I’m thinking that we should just go.” I mutter to them, trying to turn right around.

     “ Nope!” Barty says, slinging his arm over my shoulder and pulling me deeper into the room.” We are here to help you find your happiness. We’re not leaving until you at least dance with the guy.”

     I look to Evan for help but he just shakes his head at me as he walks behind us. We end up at a table full of drinks and stop for a moment. I have no idea if any of these are alcoholic, but at this point I hope they are. I pick up a cup at random and chug it down.

     “ Okay, so.” I started.

     “ We are here to see if we can find Sirius and check on how he is. We will meet you at the gate at 11:45 so we can get you back to your house before your parents get home.” Evan states.

     “ Try to enjoy yourselves a little. I didn’t mean to drag you all the way to a party and then keep you guys from having fun.”

     “ Oh, we’re having fun.” Barty declares. “ When you find your man, try and introduce us. Evan, come dance with me.” Barty grabs Evan by the arm and leads him onto the dancefloor. I can’t help but smile at them. At least someone is having a good time. Evan rather reluctantly, but Barty gets him to dance all the same. 

     I start walking away from the drink table to the edge of the room and I follow the wall until I reach a window. It’s starting to snow outside and the Potter’s garden is lit up with fairy lights. It’s beautiful.

     “ May I have this dance?” I turn at the voice to my right and smile automatically.

     “ James.” He looks very good, wearing a green suit with a red poinsettia boutonniere and gold buttons. It fits him perfectly and accentuates all the muscles he’s been hiding.” I’m glad you found me, because I was not about to brave that crowd again.”

     " I'm glad you came. It's good to see you." James holds his hand out to me. “ Did you want to dance?”

     “ Oh. Sure. Thanks.” I grab his hand and he leads me to the dance floor. I look around but I don’t  see Evan, Barty, or Sirius. “ It’s good to see you. You look really nice, the green suits you.”

     James pulls me in close and we start spinning in slow circles around the floor with all the other couples.

     “ You look amazing, Charming.” James whispers in my ear, and it makes me shiver.” I’m so happy that you made it. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you didn’t show.”

     “ You would have danced with all your other friends. It would not have been the end of the world.”

     “ It would have been the end of the world to me.” I pull away just enough to look at him, and there is nothing but sincerity in his eyes. “ Something is going to happen soon, and I need to tell you about it before the announcement.”

     “ James, I have to tell you something too.”

     “ Come with me and we can talk.” James pulls me off the dancefloor and out the back towards the garden. Once we were outside I tried to stop, but apparently that wasn’t far enough. 

     “ James, there is probably something you should know, and I’m unfortunately in a bit of a hurry.” I whisper at him frantically. “ You know I have to make it back.”

     “ Just a moment, I have something I need to tell you too, and hopefully….” 

     “ Hopefully?” I prompt, but he doesn’t answer. We keep going past some lengths of hedge and down a tunnel formed by willow trees. We reach a fountain in a circle of hedges with benches around it and he takes me to the nearest one and sits down. I slowly sit down next to him, still holding his hand and bringing it into my lap as I go.

     “ James.” I whisper. 

     James’ free hand comes up to rest on my cheek and he gently lifts my face until all I can do is look at him. All I can do is breath as I take in his face, his eyes, the feeling of his hand on my cheek.

     “ Love, there’s something you don’t know.” James seems to be having trouble finding the words, very unusual for him. “ And I know I should have told you a while ago, but I didn’t want to ruin things between us, and it was so nice just getting to know you, and then getting to be with you, and.”

     It hurts to see him struggle like this. To think that anything he says could change what I feel for him. I bring my free hand up and I run it through his hair before I hold the back of his head and lean up to kiss him. I did interrupt him, but he doesn’t seem to mind, as he deepens the kiss. He groans softly as he pulls away, leaning his forehead against my own so he doesn't have to go any further.

     “ James. You could never ruin this. It was always going to be me, and the destructive force my family comes with. I was never meant to have anything as good as you.”

     I pull away from James, taking my hand from his hair and grabbing his hand from my cheek so that I was holding both of his hands in my lap.

     “ I have to go back soon, James.” I glance at the clock tower and truly I should be on my way back already, it’s 11:40. Barty and Evan are probably already waiting for me.” And I need you to know that you have made me so very happy every second that I’m with you. I am so glad I got this time with you. Thank you for being so wonderful.”

     James pulls me into a quick kiss. It's fast, but it’s heartbreakingly sweet.

     “ My family, James, I need to tell you.”

     “ Yeah, I kind of need to tell you about mine as well. But also, I’m turning eighteen soon, and once I do there are going to be a lot of expectations for me. A lot of responsibilities that I take very seriously.”

     “ I can understand that, James. And it’s okay if you can’t keep sneaking out to meet me, I probably won’t be able to sneak out much after this. Especially if..” I glance back at the clock tower, and it’s already 11:47. I need to go, Barty and Evan won’t leave without me and they’ll get in trouble as well.” James, If my parents find out I came here I’ll never be let out of the house again, I need to go.”

     I stand, but James doesn’t let go of my hands.

     “ Wait, you don’t have to go.” James pleads, standing up with me.

     “ I do James, I’m sorry. I can try to meet you again, but-” 

     “ No, you don’t have to, I promise. In fact, you could stay here forever if you wanted. That’s what I was trying to tell you. I need to make an announcement of it, but I was hoping-”

     “ Prongs!” 

     James and I both turn at the new voice and my breath catches in my throat. James has let go of my hands and it’s a good thing, as both of mine rise suddenly to cover my mouth as I gasp.

     “ Sirius?” My brother, finally, my brother. I can see him, he’s standing in front of me again, no longer limping, no makeshift sling around his arm. He looks better than I’ve ever seen him, in a suit with a smile on his face. Well, he was smiling before he saw me, but now he just looks concerned, because of course he does. I ruin everyone’s happiness. 

     “ Reggie?” He whispers. A man next to my brother steps up to wrap his arms around one of my brother’s. I can do nothing but watch. I feel paralyzed. More frozen and helpless than I ever have been at Mother’s house. He’s happy, he’s with his Moony, he got everything he wanted when I left him.

     “ Regulus?” I hear James mutter from beside me, but I do not take my eyes off of Sirius. I have been wanting to see him for so long. He is completely healed from everything Mother did to him, which is to be expected with the amount of time that’s passed, but until this moment all I could see when I pictured him was Sirius as I last saw him, broken and bruised with tears in his eyes.

     “ Babe, what’s going on?” The man next to my brother asks. I spare him a glance, tall, with scars on his face. Strong, probably a warrior, but no concern of mine, so I look back to Sirius.

     “ Reggie, are you here?” Sirius asks, stepping towards me.” Why are you here?”

     “ I-” I turn to look at James. My breath is coming too fast now, and it feels like they’re surrounding me, James, Sirius and his Moony. I back up a few steps.

     “ Regulus.” James calls, putting his hands out in front of him, in what I assume was supposed to be a calming gesture, but my focus goes to the way my name sounds when he says it. So many dreams of mine are coming true at this moment, Sirius, alive and happy, James saying my name, and all of them end when I hear the clock chime.

     “ No.” I gasp breathlessly, my breaths still coming out quick and sharp. I look and it is indeed midnight.” I have to go.”

     And I turn and run. I can hear their collective shouts of confusion behind me as they all try and gain some answers, but I don’t look back. I tear through the garden and back up to the ballroom. I can hear them running behind me, but all I can focus on is trying to use my size to my advantage as I attempt to lose them while ducking and weaving through the crowd.

     People are starting to stop and stare at what I’m assuming is a scene the boys are making behind me, but that just allows me to get through them faster. I reach the end of the ballroom and start towards the door. Once outside I can see my parents carriage in the line to come pick people up at the door. It’s three away from the front which means my parents will be leaving soon. They have horses, but they have to take the roads back, hopefully my trip through the forest will be faster. I start down the road to the back gate of the complex.

     I can hear shouts coming from behind me, James and Sirius’ voices mixing as they call out for me to stop, but I can’t. I can only hope that they will understand, and that they will continue to be as happy without me as they were before I arrived. 

     I go through the gate and swing it shut behind me, hopefully it will lock and slow them down some, and then Barty and Evan are next to me.

     “ You’re late.” Barty says.

     “ Shut up and move.” I push him in the direction of home and then we’re all running through the forest as fast as we can go. We can still hear shouts from behind us, call for us to stop. 

     “ We can stall them long enough for you to lose them.” Evan says, barely out of breath from the running the fit bastard.” We’ll go to my complex after.”

     “ Sirius is with them.” They both turn to look at me, and Barty almost runs into a tree. ” You can’t tell him anything. Promise me.”

     We stop running for a moment. They exchange a look with each other and nod quickly. I start running again without them.

Chapter Text

     I make it to the gap in the hedge and go quickly through the garden. I make it to my bedroom in time to change and shove my clothes in the bin. I’ve just sat with a book when there’s a knock at my door. It opens before I can answer and Mother sweeps into the room, still in her ballgown.

     “Dreadful people they are.” She tells me. “Made quite a scene as we were leaving, running through the streets.”

     “Why would they do that, Mother?” Please don’t know, please don’t know.

     “Chasing someone from the ball. It’s good that you didn’t go, Regulus, I wouldn’t want you exposed to anything that they were doing there.”

     “Of course, Mother.” I set my book on the desk so Mother could have all my attention.

     “And I can’t even believe that announcement, I don’t know what those people are thinking.” She pulls her gloves off and starts looking around my room.

     “Announcement?” 

     “Oh yes, that Potter boy is turning eighteen in March, so he has to get married. Fulfilling his duties as the heir to the Potter Complex. But apparently his parents are letting that idiot of theirs choose his own bride. Can you imagine? They’re going to follow up on the boy’s eighteenth birthday, announce the engagement officially. If you ask me, that boy is going to bring ruin to that family. I mean, can you imagine, a noble boy quite literally chasing people out of the ball!”

     “Their son caused the people to run through the streets?”

     Mother walks into my closet to continue her snooping.

     “Their son was running through the streets himself.” I can hear her call out from the closet, amongst the opening and closing of my drawers and the shuffling of clothes.

     “No.” I gasp. I don’t know how many people were running after me, but if it was just Sirius, James, and whoever Sirius was with- Moony, I imagine since he called James, Prongs.

     Prongs. No, no, no. ‘Prongs will take us in’, I remember from Sirius’ birthday when he was forced to leave. Sirius’ best friend. The one with a family powerful enough to force away our parents when they went after Sirius the next day. Good people with the ability to host Sirius after he left. Good people with a son, a son who is Sirius’ best friend.

     “Regulus.” Mother says sharply, in a tone that is quick to pull me from my panicking. I can worry about Sirius and James later.

     “Yes, Mother?” I stand and walk towards the closet. Mother pushes the door open from inside, looking at me while facing my laundry.

     “Why are your best clothes dirty?” She turns to face me, and I stop, freezing myself immediately under her glare. “There is mud in your laundry basket, Regulus.”

     “Yes, I was out in the garden.” 

     “In your best clothes?” I suck in a breath. There is no good response to that, and Mother knows it too. She smacks me across the face. I backed up to my bedpost, leaning against it. Mother wasn’t wearing her rings since she had gloves on earlier, but I still have at least one cut from her fingernails. Mother follows me, grabbing my arm and starting to drag me from the room.

     “You did go to the ball?” She asks me. And I know better than to lie, so just nod my head as she pulls me along, her grip bruising my arm and her nails poking holes in my skin through my shirt. My confession does not make her any happier, and she throws me to the floor in front of her, which unfortunately contains the stairs. 

     I fell down to the first landing. My head hits the banister and several steps on the way down and I land horribly on my wrist, and I hear a snap before I feel the wave of pain that causes me to scream. I scramble up to sitting, leaning against the railing of the landing and cradling my wrist to my chest. Mother follows, walking slowly down the stairs to me.

     “Get up!” She spits, and I do so as quickly as possible, feeling very sore already. She grabs my arm again and continues pulling me down the stairs. I follow as best as I’m able, but struggle to keep up with her. She runs me into a wall, and I twist my ankle going down the last flight of stairs. “You are a disgrace and a disappointment. You should know better by now! Why do none of my children listen to me? That’s all I ask of you Regulus. All I want is for you to listen to me, and even that is too much to ask of you spoiled ungrateful brats.”

     I do know better than to respond, but her words still hurt. I have done my best to be a good child, only stopping at the expense of being a good brother to Sirius. Sirius deserved better than he got here. I know I was never enough for him, never the brother that he deserves. At least he’s happy now.

     Mother throws me forward again and my head slams into the wall. I collapse down it, dizzy, and look up in time to see Mother kick my feet. I pull them to my chest and Mother slams the door shut. I’m in the closet. I can hear the lock click and Mother walking away, and all I can do is lean back against the wall and be grateful that I got to see them one last time. Sirius and James. Sirius, happy and healthy as he should have always been, with his Moony on his arm and Prongs by his side. One last kiss with James, so much shorter than I would have liked, but I would never be done kissing James anyway. 

     James who is apparently supposed to marry. James, who is probably picking his future wife right at this moment. That’s probably what James wanted to tell me in the garden, that he had to marry someone else. He did mention that he was turning eighteen soon, and he kept talking about an announcement. 

     I can feel myself starting to cry and I hate myself for it. I knew it could never last with James. Even if he wasn’t nobility, I was, so I always knew I would be expected to marry a girl to have kids and continue the Black family line. It makes no difference really that James also has these obligations and responsibilities. Hopefully, whoever he ends up with can make him as happy as he deserves to be. But, oh, how I wish that could be me.

Chapter Text

     I live in that closet for a while. Mother comes by with food every once and a while. The second day she let Kreacher come in and set my wrist, so it’s healing now. My entire body feels like it’s bruised and I have no sense of time in the beginning, just pain before I fall asleep again. Which should be concerning due to the head injuries, but sleeping is better than the reality of the closet, so I try to sleep as much as I can. And when Mother finally lets me out, she personally escorts me to my room and makes sure I know that If I leave my bedroom I’ll be going back into the closet. 

     My first decision is to take a shower, which turns out to be a good one. It takes forever to get all the dried blood off of me, and it’s hard to bathe with one hand, but the hot water did wonders for my aching body. I stepped out of the shower, and looked at myself for the first time, trying to take stock. My ankle is pretty much better since I didn’t use it at all in the closet, it's just a little stiff. I still have bruises everywhere, but they are starting to fade. The worst is a bruise on my forehead, that blends into the bruise on my cheek with cuts in it from where Mother slapped me, and of course my wrist, which will take weeks yet to finish healing. 

     I get dressed and walk back into my room, feeling lost to be in here. Looking at the calendar, I realize it’s been almost three weeks since the Christmas Eve Party. I missed Christmas and New Year’s, which means Barty and Evan are probably going to be concerned. And I missed three meetings with James, though I suppose we’re not doing that anymore, since he is going to be betrothed in only two months time.

     I do need to make sure Barty and Evan know that I’m okay, so I sit at my desk and get out a quill and parchment. Hopefully, Kreacher doesn’t mind delivering this for me. Mother will probably read it before she lets him though, so I have to be careful.

Dear Evan,

    Sorry that I missed the Christmas Party, I’m sure your parents did a wonderful job. I will be homebound for a while yet. I’m unsure if you can come visit, but it would be nice if you could.

    Last we spoke, you told me you and Barty had been chased around by a dog. I do hope that you are recovered from the ordeal and that everything turned out okay for the animal. Was it ever caught? 

Best, 

    R.A.B

     Evan is smart, he should definitely be able to write me back within the confines of the dog story. I don’t know if the dog is Sirius or James, but I’d be happy to hear about either.

Dear Barty,

    Missed you over the holidays, sorry I couldn’t make it out to see you guys. I hope you had a wonderful time with Evan at the Christmas Party. I know you were planning on dancing the night away.

     I have written to Evan offering him my apologies for being absent. I want to assure you both that while I appreciate your encouragement with exploring new subjects, my plans for the New Year are to stay in and focus on my current studies. I will be able to finish within the month, and then I will be able to look towards my future as the Black Family Heir and focus on all the responsibilities that come with my future occupation as Head of the Complex. It is about time I focus on my duties, as all Heir’s must. 

Best,

    R.A.B

     I fold the letters and slip them into envelopes. I will give them to Kreacher when he stops by with my dinner. There is enough between the two letters for them to figure out that I will not be seeing James again. 

     James has to focus on his responsibilities as the apparent Potter heir. I must do the same.

~

     Barty and Evan meet up at the gate to the Potter complex. The very same gate that they ran through with Regulus on Christmas Eve. They haven’t been back here since, but the letters they received from Regulus are concerning, and they know no one will be able to help more than his brother and James. They know that Regulus met with James on Wednesdays, and though they know that Regulus hasn’t been back, they can only hope that James will be here anyway.

     “You two!” They hear a shout from the woods behind them and turn swiftly to look. "You were with him that night, weren’t you?”

     “That’s Barty Crouch and Evan Rosier.” They can see Sirius walk up to stand next to the first man. “They’re his friends. Is he okay?”

     Barty and Evan exchange a look between themselves. Evan steps forward, to meet with Sirius and, “You must be James?”

     James nods. “That’s me. Can you tell me if he’s alright? He hasn’t come back, I haven’t seen him.”

     “We know, mate.” Barty calls out, walking up to stand next to Evan. “We haven’t been able to see him either actually. They’ve got him on lockdown.”

     “We’re here because he wrote to us yesterday. It’s the first time we’ve heard from him since that night.” This makes Sirius wince, and James looks at him with concern.

     “If he hasn’t spoken to anyone since that night, there’s a reason and it’s probably not a good one.” Sirius mutters quietly.

     “That is the conclusion we came to as well.” Evan continued, “But the actual contents of the letters is what made us come out here. We were hoping you could help.”

     “Anything.” James says. “Anything we can do.”

     “Well, he seems to be under the impression that you are to marry, so he has found himself resigned to doing so as well.”

     “I was hoping to marry him. I was going to ask him, before he ran away.”

     “You can marry him?” Barty asks.

     “Oh, the Potters don’t really care about that, because they don’t care about the lineage, and all that nonsense. James can marry who he wants.” Sirius explains. “Which is apparently my little brother, but no accounting for taste.” Sirius nudges James who gives him a small smile in response. Barty and Evan share another look.

     “Then you’ve got to marry him.” Barty states. “You can get him out. He’ll say yes, I know he will.” 

     “But they’re not exactly going to see each other again.” Evan states. “The whole reason we came here is because Regulus is planning on never seeing him again.”

     “I have to announce who I’m marrying at the ball for my eighteenth birthday.” James reveals. “If there’s any way I can see him before then, I can ask.”

     “That is too never going to work. Even if he says yes, he’s going to have to go back home and they’re not going to let it happen even if you make a public announcement.” Evan argues.

     “But, what if you ask him at the ball?” Barty asks.

     Everyone looks at him.

     “I’m just saying, it will be short notice, but once the announcement is made, there is a reason for him to stay in your complex rather than go home. If he is not with you for the announcement then his parents will just keep him away until they can marry him off. Which they’ll probably do before his eighteenth birthday so he can’t run to you before they manage it.”

     “Okay, so I ask him at the ball, then immediately announce it, and he can stay with me rather than return home until he’s eighteen. Is he going to come to the ball?”

     “We can make sure he’s there.”

Chapter Text

     Barty and Evan have finally been allowed to see Regulus again. They go to his bedroom and see Regulus sitting at his desk with endless papers and books surrounding him. His injuries have mostly healed by now, only lingering aches and light bruising remaining.

     “Good to see you mate, we've been worried.” Barty says as he collapses onto the bed. Evan sits next to him, a lot more delicately. 

     “We got your letter; it was good to hear from you.” 

     “Sorry, I was quiet for so long.” Regulus muttered. He puts down his quill and turns to the bed, finishing his work for now. “Mother has had me very busy since I'm now heir apparent.”

     “Yeah, we have to talk to you about Charming.” Barty changes the subject abruptly. But neither he nor Evan want to hear Regulus making excuses for his family right now. 

     “There's going to be another ball, this weekend.” Evan starts gently, but Regulus scoffs and stands from his desk.

     “I can not go to another ball.” Regulus hisses. “Are you insane? After what happened last time?”

     “Don't you want to see him again?” Evan asks.

     “I mean-. Of course I-. But.” Regulus can't get out a full sentence, stuck on the thought of seeing James again. Then remembers that James is getting married, and they were never going to work out anyway. “But he’s announcing his engagement… And I don't know if I could be there for that. See him be happy with someone else “

     Barty and Evan exchanged a look. 

     “I think it would be really good for you to see him again.” Evan stresses.

     “You deserve to say goodbye if that's what you want.” Barty smirks. “And never say no to a party.”

     Regulus paces. “I don't know if I could get out of here for it. I don't know if I want to risk getting out of here for it.” 

     Regulus is not in a hurry to get himself in that much trouble just to have his heart broken again.

     “What if we could promise that it will work out?”

     “You love him, right?” Evan says in a gentle voice. “Don’t you want to tell him? Wouldn’t that be worth it?”

     A few days later sees Regulus all dressed up again. His parents have already left, invited to a meeting between heads of house. The heads of houses that aren’t part of the Order of course. All those heads of house would be at the Potter party tonight. Where Regulus will be. Theoretically, If Evan and Barty ever come pick him up.

     He’ll be arriving in their carriage with them, and then he can see James one last time and put this part of his life behind him. Evan and Barty pull up to the front of the house and Regulus joins them in the carriage. It’s a quiet ride to the Potter Mansion. Regulus can’t help but remember the last time he was here and hopes he doesn’t end this night the same way. 

     He enters the party in a crowd, Barty and Evan behind him. Probably making sure he doesn’t run. Which he wouldn’t do, obviously. 

     Regulus hides in the shadows by the wall and his friends don’t separate from him this time, giving him silent support as he searches the room for James. He finds him at the back of the room, standing in front of the doors to the gardens. Sirius and his moon are there with him.

     Regulus makes his way over slowly, unsure of what will happen when James sees him again. Sirius spots him first though, smiling and rushing towards him. He knows James and Moon follow him, but Regulus is caught up in his brother. Caught up by his brother as Sirius pulls him in for a hug.

     “I've missed you Reg.” He murmured, squeezing tightly. “I was worried about you. We were all worried about you. Why did you run?”

     Sirius leans away, keeping his hands and Regulus’ shoulders as he pulled back to look him in the eyes. 

     “I was supposed to make it back in time so Mother and Father didn’t know that I left.”

     “You didn’t make it?”

     “I did. They found out anyway.”

     Sirius hugs him again quickly but lets go completely as James and Moon catch up to the group. 

     “James.” Regulus breaths. He’s gorgeous, and as always takes Regulus’ breath away. 

     “Regulus.” James hugs him too and it’s warm and soft and comforting, and Regulus has to be the one to pull away this time.

     “I’m Remus. It’s lovely to meet you. Sirius talks about you a lot.” Regulus gives Sirius a look as he shakes Remus’s hand. Remus, Sirius’ moon.

     “Thank you for making my brother so happy.” Remus smiles at him as he reaches out and grabs Sirius’ hand.

     “Regulus, I need to talk to you.” James grabs Regulus hand in his and starts pulling him to the garden. Regulus follows, because he has no reason to be anywhere other than where James is. 

     They don’t go as far this time, just on the back patio, and James turns to Regulus, holding both of his hands in his. 

     “I meant to ask you this at Christmas. It’s going to seem a little crazy, but I promise you we can make it work. I love you.”

     “James.”

     “I love you. Will you marry me?” James is looking at Regulus with his entire heart in his eyes, and Regulus doesn’t know how this could work. Doesn’t know a way that he and Sirius could ever both be free of his parents. But oh he loves him. He loves him more than life. Doesn’t know the point of life without him anymore, doesn’t have any reason to go back if he’s being offered a way to stay. Regulus can’t help but believe James, and James believes they can make it work. Even if they can't, Regulus won’t be able to go back without knowing that he tried. 

     And Regulus can’t say no to James. Not to this, not when he’s looking at him like that. “Yes, James, please-”. 

     And James is kissing him, backing Regulus against the porch railing and pressing them together. His hands are in his hair and Regulus could live here. Forget about his parents, all the responsibilities he didn’t want in the first place and just be here with James forever.

     James did have a plan. A plan that Sirius, Remus, Barty, and Evan were all involved in. And it worked. Regulus never went home. Try as they might his parents could never get their hands on Sirius or Regulus ever again.

     They were safe. They were happy. They were together. They loved and were loved. And they lived happily ever after.