Chapter Text
In the Movies it’s always depicted as rainy and gloomy, no sun as we mourn, but like everything else in movies, they lie. As the tears dry my face goes puffy and stiff and my eyes feel swollen. I look down at the grave and my eyes start crying again. My knees fail me as I hit the ground and my knees bruise. I never thought, believed, or even entertained the idea of him dying. He was stronger, faster, the one everyone believed in. I was not, even if we are-were the wonder duo. As the one with no quirk I was told to die, hell most people believe I would be dead already by my own hand. So why? Why? Why? Why did he die first? I set my head down on his gravestone and wish it never happened.
What makes me heartbroken is that this is, was, avoidable if I didn’t wish for All Might’s approval. If I let him leave without jumping on his leg, then maybe he would be alive. His death was in vain and it’s my fault. He died cause I needed approval my stupid fucking need for approval, I had him and it is, was, enough! Why couldn’t I let it be?? Why did I just, how did I become this? So desperate for approval? Now that approval is useless. I won't, can’t, become one without him. We were the goddamn wonder duo, we were supposed to have our own agency that worked both underground and limelight, we were going to be the pioneers. I can’t do it without him. I can't, I can’t, I can’t. I raise my head a little and run my hand over the words “Here lies Bakugo Katsuki, the son we loved, the best friend that never left, and a kid who left this world too soon. April 20, 2025-April 15, 2040” My tears reach the ground and I do not notice as the flowers and grass grow.
All Might didn’t believe in me, and my own ma only indulges me about being a hero, and the only person I longed for, the one who did, is now dead; what is the point in trying? Did it even matter if I kept living? Would anyone notice? I mean my ma might, but I’m not too sure as I have no clue who loves me. I raise my head and take my hand off the grave. I stand up and look around. No one is here, good. I wipe my tears away and stand up. I can’t do this. It hurt so bad I trudged up to the road so I could start walking home. I look back at his grave one last time and notice a trail of flowers and the grass is greener than before. I look around frantically, it has to be someone else right?? I have the toe joint and everything!
I jump when I feel something move under my feet. There’s a goddamn tree, A TREE?!? What is going on? My brain feels fuzzy and I can’t breathe, I know what they are a panic attack but ka- God I can’t think of him, I have to calm myself down. My breathing picks up and goes shallower god why can’t I breathe right? Can I breathe right? The fuzziness continues and slowly gets worse. And black spots start to grow in my vision.
I feel something grow under me and I can’t move. I'm frozen in place, I attempt to calm down but can’t seem to be able to focus on it. All I think is that I’m going to pass out and hit my head hard on the ground, which panics me even more. I can’t die in a cemetery, it would disgrace the dead. The fuzziness makes thinking hard and I can’t remember what I’m trying to do. Was I trying to breathe? Or was it to calm my heart? Or was it moved? What was it? I feel a hand on my back as it continues and the tree seems to have stopped growing. Oh god what if I’m actually quirkless? Wait, I am quirkless, my breathing goes faster. But how am I doing this then? Am I doing this? Or is my brain playing games on me? Or is someone making me think? What if I actually died and I went to hell and this is my personal hell. A voice starts up but I can’t hear anything, I just hear mumbling oh shit is it me? No no not again I thought I stopped mumbling unless it was kacchan. kacchan I need you where are you? I need you. One of my hands is taken and placed against a chest. Kaachans here he’ll help me, he always has. I try to match the breathing of the person holding my hand to their chest. As The fuzziness leaves me slowly I notice it isn’t kacchan; I also remember he is dead, that he isn’t here anymore and I start crying again. I thought I cried all of it but I guess I haven’t.
“You with me kid?” I look up and see a scarf around his neck and a black jumpsuit. His hair is pitch black I feel like I’ve seen him before but where?
I start to mumble what I notice “His eyes are dry and he looks dehydrated and wearing darker clothing showing maybe night job or underground hero, yellow goggles make me also think his quirk is related to his eyes. But he could also use those as a way to misinform challengers, wait is he even a pro-hero? Yea he has to be with how he just handled this, or he has a kid but from how he looks at me I doubt it and he handled it with professionalism not really parental concern or its both and I’m completely wrong…” I looked up from where I was staring, startled when he moved.
“I'm so sorry! I know it’s creepy! I promise I wasn’t discussing your weaknesses!” I stand quickly and bow 90 degrees to show respect. “I was trying to figure out how I know you, I swear!” I almost yell ”Please don’t be mad” I say much quieter.
He looks at me, head tilted and I'm sure he wants to slap me or muzzle me, that’s what the teachers do. “Why would I be mad? I didn’t understand a lot of it but I did understand parts of it and honestly it was pretty smart.” Wait, he has to be leading me in to make me feel safe and then do it.
Unconsciously I moved backwards, or tried; I was stopped by being in the air. Shit I'm still on the tree! I involuntarily whimper in fear. He looks at me even more concerned, it isn't, can’t be concerned, It's fake concern. No one cares for a quirkless freak. Wait, am I really quirkless? I’ll figure that out at a later point, I’m not concerned about it at this very moment. He can’t like me, my shoes show my quirkless status.
“Kid are you scared of heights?” I shake my head back and forth. Don't show fear as it is always used against you in the future. Only Kaachan never did, Kaachan protected me and helped when i got scared, he won't do it. He doesn't even know who I am.
“No sir, I just forgot I was up here. I haven't done this before to be honest with you.” He regards me with a blink of his eyes, I shrink back trying to protect myself without making it obvious. I attempted to get down but the only way was I backwards and like hell am I falling backwards on the road. And I don't know where my mom went so I’m not testing if I would die by this person's hand. I’m not dying, Kaachan would not be ok with that, he tried to keep me alive and I-I watched him die. A sob breaks out before I even notice.
Fuck I could’ve saved him why didn't I? Why did I decide that All Might’s words held more weight? Why? Why? Why? Before I know it I'm hyperventilating again. He grabs me off the tree, probably thinking that was the cause of it, and hugs me? Why is he hugging me? The confusion shocks me enough to stop the panic attack. I move my head up. I know my face is betraying my confusion. “Why?” It's such a simple word, but the meaning is anything but simple.
“Because Kid, you look like you need it. Imma just assume that you lost someone and that's why you are here. Do you want to talk about it?” my heart races, why would he care? To use it against me? To prove a point that quirkless are weak-minded?
“No, I do not want your pity, nor need it.” I state way more calmly than I am feeling. If he notices he seems not too but I’m not sure. I keep my breathing calm. “Can I please go?” I wiggle trying to get out of his grip but it is steadfast in holding me. I do not like being trapped and go limp trying to leave. Hoping he takes the bait of me giving up. He does not so obviously he has training definitely a hero then, not a vigilante or anything else. But he could also have the training but just never got the license? I don't know and my brain is too tired to really think about it, but I’ll go with the hero for my own sanity.
“But it isn't a pity kid. I understand not wanting or needing it. It’s not very useful in the end., but we all want comfort deep down. Even when it seems like a mistake.” He, he, what? That can’t be right, he’s lying like they all do. He’s pitying me. I fucking hate that. I hate it.
I stare at him, “Sir, you don’t have to lie and be a bitch about it. I know you pity me, you have to notice my shoes. You have to notice that my knees are dirty on my suit, and you have definitely noticed my tears and attacks. Don’t say such shit” He finally shows emotion that is visible; shock. Why, though? I’m just stating the goddamn facts he doesn’t want to agree with.
“I'm so sorry That you believe that kid. But it isn’t what I feel to you at all. But I can’t keep calling you kid so what is your name?“ Oh so that’s how it’s gonna be?
„You first I’m not stupid enough to give it to anyone, even if I think them a hero.“ he looks impressed at the statement like I passed a test of some sort. What the fuck?
„Aizawa Shota“ he looks contemplative, “I‘m also pro-hero eraserhead.” I stare shocked, in my head though, it’s hard to really describe, even to myself. It’s just hard to follow it all, some are saying bull, others saying oh my god my hero is him. And last but not least, WHAT IS HIS QUIRK??
“Oh my god really??” I say with a wondering sound in my voice. “I have so many questions. First, how do you control the scarf? How do you fight against mutants since I’m positive your quirk, whatever it is, also what is your quirk, doesn’t work against mutants? Also why do you not tie your hair up or cut it cause it gives away you using your quirk, also why yellow gogg-“ he stops me mid sentence. I huff until he starts to speak.
“How bout this give me your name and address and we can walk and talk” I shuffle not really wanting to go home just yet.
“Can we go to the beach instead? I don’t want to go home and be smothered by my mom.” He nods and stands up, his joints popping as he goes up. That can’t be healthy. He takes care of himself, right?
“Lead the way.” I take off slowly cause I don’t know if my quirk? Is it still working or if it isn’t. I look back and see some flowers but no trees so I walk at a faster pace.
“I’m Midoriya Izuku. But please don’t call me by my last name.” I don’t want to tell him. I don’t trust him yet but it’s my father’s name and I despise him with my whole being. He’s part of the reason why me and kaa- anyway why I want to be a hero as a way to stop him.
“Alright Izuku. To answer your first question it has microbots that I control with my mind, but they also instinctively protect me if I’m unable to. The second question answer is that I fight quirkless against mutants as my quirk targets the genome of non mutant genes.” I turn left “Third, I am not giving away I’m sure you’ll figure it out anyway, and second intimidation. Works well for underground work. And I'm sure you’re asking about the goggles?” I nod quickly, enraptured by what he’s saying, “That’s a sad story but I’ll indulge you. One of my best friends died in the line of duty so I kept his goggles and I don’t feel like ever leaving them.”
“I’m sorry for bringing up something you might not want to remember sir.”
His face is forlorn, he looks stuck in the past. He doesn’t even seem to even notice what I said to him.
“Sir?” No response still. I grab his hand and squeeze it. I lead him to one of the side streets since we are in town, the cemetery isn’t very far away from town.
I make him sit down and try to do what he did to me when I was panicking, I mean they are two very different things but they should have similar things to help? I don’t know at all, I never had to comfort anyone but my mom and that was placating not trying to stop a flashback or panic attack or anything like this!! I grab his hand and lead it to my chest and just start exaggerating my breathing trying to bring him to the present not the past.
I start trying a breathing cycle “In two three four. Hold two three four. Put two three four. Hold two three four.“ I continued until I saw him matching my breathing. „Hi Aizawa, I'm going to ask what are five things you can see around us. Can you do that?“
No clue why I’m trying this method but I know it has helped one kid in my old class who had flashbacks. “I see a red building, a sidewalk, a-„ his breath stutters a little “I see a dumpster, your green hair, and a cat laying down.” I smile
“Good! Do you want to do four things you can hear?” He shakes his head.
“Alright sounds good to me. You're back with us now? Wait obviously you are otherwise I think you would be continued! God I’m so so stupid without kacchan around, he’d probably best my ass for saying it but it’s true he is, was, my impulse control unfortunately so that’s gonna be fun in school. God he’s dead and I don’t know ho-„ Aizawa cuts me off.
„Izuku you're fine kid. I understand why you asked; don't beat yourself up.” He smiles and ruffles my hair. God this guy is fucking paternal as hell isn’t he? I huff at my internal thoughts, thinking that he is likely to have a kid, maybe two.
“Alright. Let’s continue as you are now.” He nods and stands again, albeit a lot slower.
As soon as he was fully standing I grabbed his hand and led him back to the main road as I took us a few streets away thinking he’d want privacy. As we reached the main road and continued down it, it stayed quiet, it was good for us both. I may speak a lot but I’m not as extroverted as people suspected. Kaachan carries, carried, most of the conversations unless I was info-dumping.
“Hey Aizawa, how did you continue? You don't have to answer, but I believe you’ll be my best bet in understanding how.” He looks at me in contemplation.
“Well I didn’t at first in all honesty. I broke down and isolated, it took three people to drag me out of almost killing myself through negligence of my own well being. But I thought of what he would want; me not doing something I’m passionate for? Or killing myself slowly.“ He looks down at me, “You’ll never truly get over it. It’ll haunt you for years and years and I don’t think it’ll ever leave. But you grow, and eventually it’ll be passing days instead of full force all the time.“ He smiles at me. “I have a feeling you are stronger than I ever was at your age.“ I looked at him surprised as I made him take a right towards the Beach. One more mile and we are there.
„I doubt I am sir. In all honesty, and I'm telling you with trust so please don’t betray it, I just got my quirk today and I believe it’s trauma induced. I have the joint and everything.“ I say as I point to my shoes. “I’m not stronger than you as I have no ability to. Men are not created equal and I know that. Those who say we are have never been on the other hand of discrimination. Even if they never purposely did it,“ I smile to myself. „I have no training and I can’t control my quirk“ I point behind us “on top of that it’s unheard of trauma induced quirk appearing after 12 I’m 14. All these liars saying we are equal, they never had no quirk, they never were pushed off the roof, they probably don’t even know the stats of the quirkless, so they can all kindly fuck off.“
Oops I went on a tangent, not the first time though. I do it often when I’m in high stress and high anxiety situations. “Hmm, I see your point but I’m going to disagree. You are doing all you have even being treated worthless even when you never were.” He smiles, a lot more genuine than some of the last ones. I stop. My head is spinning. He doesn’t think of me as worthless? What? How? Why? God why? Why is it always why?
“You can’t believe that. You’re a hero and I’m a worthless deku not worth your time. Or kindness. Don’t fake that shit for me please.” My smile is forced but also mean. I don't know what will happen but if he gets close he’ll see the failure of me. He’ll probably even figure out my father is a damn villain.
“Well I have decided I’m not leaving so don’t think I will. I’m much more stubborn than you trust me. It’s why I’m a hero even with a ‘villain’ quirk. You know what I told myself back then? Fuck them all. They are scared because you are much more heroic and truthful than they are and are threatened by this. They want that heroic place but they never will without change.” I look skeptical. I do not trust him, but his body language gives me reason to trust. And it’s never lead me wrong, and I won’t count stupid shit All Might.
Fine. He wants to try; I’ll let him try. A few more blocks and we reach the beach, “Here we are.” I say and walk down as he follows me.