Archive of Our Own

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

"Truly... Next time say something before you disappear." Claudine had told her, levelling Maya with a glare that lacked any form of hostility. The air between them was still, calm - a direct contrast to the storm currently raging through Maya’s mind, crashing the insides of her skull in fierce, perilous waves. She saw the way Claudine’s hand seemed to twitch in her direction, as if sensing this.

She offered her partner a small smile, one she hoped held the tiniest tinge of reassurance despite the growing pit of her stomach. "I would have if it had been possible."

The brunette watched a quick blush make its way across Claudine’s nose and spread all the way to her cheeks. She crossed her arms and turned away, though Maya didn’t miss the look of relief her eyes held. "Hmph!"

If only it could all end then and there.

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

Maya quickened her pace as she headed towards class. She had never lost track of time after skipping art class before, though now her carelessness had been evident as she’d successfully missed the way the clock showed the hour, and she’d completely been unaware until a text from Junna, - their ever reliable class representative - had been delivered, questioning her whereabouts. Their next class surely would have started by now, and Maya could easily avoid going and use the exact same excuse she had for art class, but she’d prefer not to miss maths as they were meant to learn something new today.

While she was certain it was something she’d already known - Maya was generally one step ahead of everything in most of their classes, thanks to her own ever diligent self-studying before each class - but there was always new information to be shared. She would then take note of everything spoken and switch with Claudine or Junna to compare and add to their own note-taking. It was nothing to take lightly. She could easily be missing some very important, very crucial tiny bit of information that could mean a world of difference.

So she rushed though, a haggard feeling in her mind as she covered the lone trek from the dorms to the school. She was well aware of how her pace sped up the closer she was, the movement slightly panicked as she hurried on, though Maya simply shoved down the sudden bout of anxiety to her running late.

But what truly unsettled her were the empty, noiseless hallways.

It filled her heart with a weight that she couldn’t reach, one she couldn’t cup with the palm of both her hands and handle with just the right amount of care,- to coax it back gently into a tender, far less foreboding form. Her legs dragged her forward in a way that felt as if leads of steel were wrapped taut against her ankles, pulling her back with every step. The silence was getting louder, causing her heart to pound in increasing rates that it was all she could hear.

She felt tears sting her eyes once the door to her classroom came into view; a mixture of both relief and dread coating the insides of her chest with the smoke of apprehension. Maya thought she should be feeling neither of those such intense emotions. This was right; she was going to class. She shouldn’t feel anything aside from the usually present eagerness to begin learning. She had pulled herself out of bed for this, made the entire way there, and now she was here, exactly where she needed to be.

Perhaps it was normal for students to feel dread upon attending class. Some do, after all, when it was a subject they detested. Others may feel relief for a variety of reasons; whether it be due to a fondness for the subject, the fact that it was the last class of the day, or perhaps due to the fact that they simply had friends they were excited to see.

The last bit was almost true for Maya, if not coupled with the deep, deep feeling of dread.

Dread for what, she wasn’t entirely sure. But as she moved to slide the door open, her thoughts were ambushed by an onslaught of scenarios where she imagined the class empty despite how she could see shadows of her classmates dance through the covered windows. Another image that came to mind was of 29 heads turning in her direction the moment she made herself known, every single face a blank stare of everything but recognition.

She sucked in a deep breath, pushing such thoughts away as the door opened in front of her, revealing her classmates hard at work as their sensei scribbled an equation across the board upfront. Several heads turned towards her, and her sensei paused to look at her, face stern as she regarded Maya’s tardiness.

“Tendo-san. Nice of you to join us.” She spoke briskly. “Please get to your seat, you are interrupting an important lesson.”

Maya nodded, dipping her head in a flustered apology as she made her way across the front of the entire class to where her table lay unoccupied in the far left corner of the room, a lonely location. Turned away from everyone.

She had chosen that exact seat to not get distracted by her classmates’ antics. It was a view where everyone could see her, but she could not view anyone else unless she made the effort to turn her head and do so. She was well aware of how students tended to interact with each other even when class was in session, and had decisively wanted to have nothing to do with such activities. The brunette wondered, sometimes, if she wanted to be a part of that - and as she sat, her entire body uneasy and resisting the urge to bounce or fidget every five minutes, she wished she wasn't in the centre position of prying eyes.

Despite her greatest efforts at attending class that day, Maya processed exactly none of what took place. Truthfully, she knew the basics of the lesson, but even then, any additional information failed to make its way into her mind. The page to her notebook came up blank  by the time class was dismissed, and she could only stare an invisible, damning hole into it.

So when Claudia- no, Claudine arrived to stand by her desk, a hand held out in the usual unspoken request for a peek at her notes, Maya’s best reaction was to force a pleasant smile upon her face as she mustered up an apology. Idly, she reminded herself of how she was still present, and the fact of the matter still applied where her attention in class was relied upon by a select few. She was remembered. There were others that still thought of her in their minds, with the mutual respect and contribution to each other’s growth 

She existed, Maya told herself this. This was normal, Claudine offering her notes and requesting for Maya’s own because they’ve always had that. That never disappeared, Maya never did.

“Are you going to keep looking at me like an idiot? Wipe that smile off your face.” The half-French’s nasally voice broke through, annoyance flicking over with little subtlety. 

“I must apologise.” The brunette said, opening her notebook to where only the day’s date was jotted down, followed by a half-written title of the day’s final session.

Her partner quirked a brow at this revelation. “Quoi? That’s all you got? Were you daydreaming?”

“Perhaps I am simply unwell.”

“Then maybe you should’ve stayed back.” Claudine rolled her eyes, though there was no irritation this time. Maya could almost say she looked concerned. “Are you actually not feeling well, though? I thought it was just an excuse when you skipped art class.”

Maya wondered if she was, but she felt physically fine. Her thoughts continued to run rampant however, with how this was the first direct interaction she had for the past few hours. Instead of that strange, sudden feeling of emptiness she’d been experiencing since arriving in her dorm room in her desire to hide away from her least favourite class, an equally discomforting feeling enveloped her lungs. As it was, it was as if she’d been surrounded by severe isolation instead of the room filled with classmates.

She always thought that she was nothing when she was not the centre of attention. But even when the spotlight was flashed away from her, she had never felt this abandoned. Alone, empty, nonexistent. This feeling… she wasn’t familiar with this feeling.

“No, I am well.” She decided to say, casting an apologetic look to the blonde.

Claudine shrugged, letting it slip. She continued to look at Maya with suspicion. “Just an off-day, then. Whatever, yesterday was a lot. Go easy on yourself today.” She looked away as she spoke, and Maya suspected it was because she was discomforted at offering her compassion. Claudine was just like that. She was overwhelmingly kind, but was often far too embarrassed to have herself seen as such.

“I appreciate your kindness, Claudine. I shall adhere to your advice.”

“Peu importe.” Her partner huffed, lifting her own notebook and flipping to a page. “Here, since you didn't do anything today, you can borrow mine.”

Maya accepted the item graciously. “Merci, ma Claudine.” She spoke it so teasingly, simply to enjoy herself a little with how Claudine tended to react to the affection. The desired effect to send the blonde’s entire face aflame proved itself sufficient, as she blushed so furiously even her light dusting of freckles grew darker and more prominent. 

“You’re-!”

She smiled sweetly. “Yes?”

Claudine opened her mouth, glaring so furiously as she prepared a retort. But then, something seemed to dawn on her, and she gave her resolution pause.

“Ugh, shut up. Just, go to your room and nap or something.” She grumbled. “Maybe that’ll stop you from being so infuriating.”

From the way she was insistent on Maya resting, above all else, told Maya that she was still worried, though for what reason the top student was unsure. Of course it was true that yesterday was a rather difficult day, perhaps more so for Claudine than it was for Maya, but they had not exactly had the chance to talk about it. It was likely due to lack of effort, but perhaps Maya was simply feeling the same thing Claudine was; they had no idea how to bring it up.

Truth be told, she still remembered how the day before ended clear as day. It was at the peak of her mind, all happening far too soon to forget. No doubt Claudine did too, and perhaps by extension, all of their friends. Junna, for example, never bothered about Maya’s whereabouts before. She trusted Maya enough to know where she needed to be on her own, and if Maya ever needed to excuse herself from class, she had every right to be so. The girl worked hard enough to merit any breaks she may need to take.

The class president requesting for her whereabouts was her way of checking in on Maya, just as Claudine was, quite bluntly, telling her to rest. The brunette had no clue as to what they may think of her now, after the events of the day before - and several unknown days - that had transpired.

Perhaps, Maya thought belatedly, they were worried she’d disappear again.

She had assured them she wouldn't, however, and the girls had all warned for none of them to be taken away, instead for assistance to be requested when needed be. The assurance they received from Elle, the girl that had gotten them into the ReLive in the first place, was slightly doubtful. Though that was merely due to how mysterious and cryptic they found the girl to be.

But she couldn’t deny the fact that, for however long it was - none of them could figure out how long she’d been gone, it could be weeks, months - that it had left a scar on her mind. Even when all the days that had supposedly passed were rewinded back and returned to them. That much Maya was certain. She herself felt it - from the way she kept gazing out and having the wrong name pop up in her mind when someone passed her by.

Locked away at the back of her mind, she remembered how, just that morning, she’d woken up with her subconscious bracing herself for an entirely different surrounding. She’d been surprised to see her room instead of waking up in a makeshift bed in a propped-up tent. A flash of that somehow existed in her memory, with a diminished oil lamp to the side and floor of dirt and grass…

She had convinced herself that it was a dream. Yet something about it felt distinctly real. Like a memory, or a past life.

“Come on.” Claudia- Claudine, Saijo Claudine,- interrupted her thoughts, slipping a piece of paper into her own notebook as a makeshift bookmark. It was still in Maya’s hands, and she moved to close it as she gestured for Maya to get up. “Let’s walk back together.”

It wasn’t often that they did, as either one of them or both would often stay back after class for more training. Other days, when she decided to forgo practice, Claudine would wait expectantly for Maya at the door and the unspoken question need not be said for Maya to know she awaited an answer. Whatever the brunette responded with would either cause Claudine to wait for her or leave, leaving her to her own training. But apparently, today she was deciding for the both of them.

This was the reality, Maya reminded herself. She wasn’t General Mariavera il Sole. She wasn’t camping out alone - without the small army she’d built in that false memory - as she travelled as a truly formidable leader to disperse the world of filth. She was herself, a person, no longer a character on a stage. 

Yet, every time Maya returned to herself, thought of her own existence in the true reality, she felt… nothing.

When she thought of how she had, in actuality, existed on that stage alone, with false props and generated enemies and allies, with the mountains and forests being backdrops of mirage, none of it having been real,- she’d been able to feel how she herself was anything but tangible to her own mind.

General of the Sun Nation, Mariavera il Sole, was everything in that false world.

Tendo Maya was a person bringing that character to life, with the skills and talent to bring it forth so flawlessly.

Tendo Maya was nothing without the characters she played. She was invisible without the spotlight. She was but an empty vessel.

Claudine tugged at her arm. “Come on, Maya. You’re zoning out again.”

She moved to stand up, not paying attention to anything in particular. “Of course.”

“Maya.”

The brunette shook her head, suddenly feeling the sting of something piercing into her skin. She refocused her attention to where Claudine had placed her hand over Maya’s wrist, attempting to gauge her attention. Her nails were pushed considerably deeply against the area near her pulse point, enough to leave a light mark, but not to bruise.

It didn’t hurt. But Maya felt it enough to reconnect with the ground beneath her feet. Her partner was standing beside her, she reminded herself. Not an opponent, or another knight. Just her friend and classmate.

Claudine looked like she was about to say something. She opened her mouth, seeming to freeze, then closing it again. Seeing where Maya’s gaze dropped to, she released her hold with a muffled apology.

“Yeah, something is definitely off with you.” She picked up Maya’s bag for her, adjusting the sling over one shoulder and balancing it on top of her own. She held her hand out, looking at Maya expectantly. From the brief moment Maya met her eyes, she definitely wasn’t imagining the rare look of concern the blonde was giving her. “Let’s go, you infuriating woman.”

When she accepted Claudine’s hand and allowed herself to be led away, she completely didn’t latch onto the fact that people were staring, whispering amongst themselves as they watched the two top students leave the school together, hand in hand. She missed the way Claudine had appeared more affectionate than usual, had overlooked how Claudine, and the rest of their friends, had been relieved to see Maya arrive in class. She didn’t notice how several of them kept glancing in her direction throughout the entire session, and didn't know how they, too, had trouble focusing on the lesson.

She didn’t consider the fact that the events of the day prior had left a lingering fear in their mind. One that meant any of them could be taken away any time, and everyone else would be none the wiser.

They didn’t consider the fact that, perhaps, Maya’s state of mind could be a serious cause for concern. There was no way for them to tell how the brunette was feeling so detached, so not herself, as she walked with her eyes glazed over, the scenes in front of her shifting from their classroom hallway to a battlefield.

Claudine’s grip on her tightened, and this time Maya was the one to pierce her own skin. She focused on the porcelain floor below them and dug her nails into her other hand - the one that wasn’t holding her partner’s - and reminded herself, over and over, how she was Tendo Maya. Tendo Maya was the real one. She was not a knight, nor a general. She was a dancer, a singer, an actor, a student, a daughter, a friend, a partner. 

She felt magenta eyes peering at her, and she gazed back, blinking her own amethyst orbs into clarity. She remembered the way those rose-tinted irises looked to her, overflowing with pride and joy, just the day before.

“The curtain's fallen. It's time to leave!” Claudine had cried out, throwing her hands up into the air in triumph. “Everyone is waiting… on stage. Our stage!”

Maya remembered that determination, as she was brought back. She took a step towards the valiant stage girl, slightly hesitant. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. This blonde - it took her a moment to remember her name earlier, she’d completely forgotten. She’d spent so long on the stage, battling for her life as she continued to play the character she was brought to be. She’d forgotten herself, her own existence,- had forgotten how none of everything that went down was the true reality she’d always known. For a while, her name was Mariavera il Sole, a General of the Sun Nation. 

At the time, Tendo Maya was no more. But her friends had all arrived to bring her back to the world she belonged in, to return the true sun within her as it continued to shine over all else.

“Let's go, Tendo Maya!”

She’d paused. Somehow not believing how this was truly her freedom from the difficult artificial life she’d trudged through. But her partner waited patiently, all her friends standing around the two. Welcoming her home.

“...Let’s!”

Mariavera sheathed her sword.

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

Thunder shattered the sky. Blankets were crumpled beneath a fisted hand as Maya lay curled up in a shivering lump, the sound sending ripples of discomfort through her stiffening form as she tried, agonisingly so, to ignore the way it made her pulse spike at every deafening crash. The brunette had never been afraid of the bolts shooting through the vast expense above, nor had it ever been able to interrupt her at every mind’s wander so much before. Generally, she wasn’t so easily distracted; Maya could easily plough through a good book or focus on a whole routine without a single sound of disturbance disrupting the order she’d brought herself into.

But something had changed, and now her heart is twisted in knots of anxiety that couldn’t seem to unwind and release.

She bit back every whimper, swallowed every cry, and willed her prickling tears to not flow as she pictured dried waterways and rivulets, called for her eyes to dry as she pictured a lost soul within an arid land where hope only lay in a deceptive mirage. 

She pictured a gleaming aureate rapier in her hand, weighing her down, allowing her inner demons to approach closer and closer. She couldn’t lift her head, couldn’t look up to the heavens above and let release a cry for help. There was no hand offered to her, no curved lips providing her reassurance, no careful wrapping of limbs pulling her into a gentle embrace, returning her to the world she belonged, where she could still feel the ground beneath her feet. Where there, it would keep feeling like she was merely watching herself surviving - surviving, not living - unfeeling. No soul attached to her being, no heart she could feel beating. No sensation of being touched, no sound of desperate cries and pleading emitting from her mouth, no colours, no forms, nothing perceptible for her sorrowful lilacs to see, no discernity of voices and noise and crackling of angry thunder - 

Somehow, Maya thought, it was worse than death. 

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

Effort had never become such a heavy weight before that Maya was convinced it would drag her down to the centre of the earth.  Perhaps she was being overdramatic, borne of the reason that she'd never experienced such an overbearing load before that it was slowly becoming more and more suffocating. 

With effort came depleting energy. As the days went by, Maya found that she had less and less vitality to offer. If this was her first year, Maya would have berated herself endlessly, chiding herself with the voices in her mind that sounded suspiciously like her parents', ridding any thoughts of relaxation out of her fogged mind. But ever since she'd lost the lead role for the last big play to Kagura Hikari, her parents had appeared to have decided that an extended length of silent treatment was necessary to convey their disappointment to her. Perhaps it had impacted her negatively at the start, though now she barely minded. 

Or, perhaps, she had simply grown numb to such passive-aggressive interactions with her own parents.

Now the voices that chided her in her mind were familiar, welcome ones,- ones that celebrated her achievements, cheered her for her little victories, applauded for the bigger ones. They were voices that included her, made her feel seen, loved and cared for.

“What’s this, Tendo Maya? Slacking off? Not on my watch! Raise your head and trudge on forward. The top star stops shining for no one!”

“Maya-chan? Are you tired? Here, a little treat in the morning will boost you right up!”

“Hoho, Tendo-han- are you actually going easy on me? Now that won’t do. Let’s go have one of those disgusting sweets you like.”

“Kuro-ko kept saying you’ve lost focus lately. I think we all know why. But you know you can talk to us, right?”

“‘Innocent sleep… that soothes away all our worries… that puts each day to rest… that relieves the weary laborer and heals hurt minds. Sleep, the main course in life's feast, and the most nourishing.’ That’s Shakesphere. Sounds like something you could use, correct?”

“Here, you can have some of my water. If you need to take it easy, you can ask me, okay? I-I think I can be less intense than Kuro-chan...”

“Tendo-san! Why the long face? I know, I know… that’s a bad joke… Maybe I can try something else...”

“Skip class.”

These were the voices that mattered.

But when they actually turned to her, looked to her with either concern or questioning looks in their gentle gazes, none of those such words came out. It was as if they pitied her, already knowing of how subsequently lonely she was that they decided she deserved more of it.

Realistically Maya knew they were possibly trying to save her pride from being wounded further. But her mind depicted it as punishments, that they saw how broken beyond repair she was that they simply could not bother. Perhaps that was how it should be, how it was true, because she was Tendo Maya, and Tendo Maya should not show weakness.

Effort, however, was an anchor. It chained her further down to the depths of her mind as she resumed to feel that daunting loneliness, that very same one from the day when she was trapped in a false memory. Left to fight an endless battle alone.

She felt it. Over and over. It never seemed to end.

Even as eight pairs of arms hugged her to their fullest, holding close the one they called her Maya - not any fictional general from an old mediaeval play - Maya could feel it. A void wedged deep beneath her soul from where she’d been taken away from them.

It was supposed to get better from there, Maya thought.

She’d forget, sometimes, how to feel that loneliness of staying in a limbo facing battalions alone. These were days when they’d have instances like days out to town or movie nights, and she’d feel Claudine press close to her side, blonde hair let loose across the half-French’s shoulders that they tickled Maya’s nose quite a bit. Sometimes Nana would take the space next to her, or Kaoruko or Futaba. There were also practices when Claudine - it was almost always Claudine - who would take her by the arm and sweep her into a stretching routine followed by a dance. Sometimes it would be Kaoruko, determined to get on her level, or perhaps Junna, wishing for a few pointers as a partner. In choir she stood in a space where most everyone else surrounded her, either by her sides, or standing behind or in front of her in carefully arranged rows.

A time when everyone was so close that she simply could not forget how she was ever taken away from them.

It was bearable. For a time.

Then there were days when Maya would find herself lost to a false memory once again, sunken deeper and deeper she could almost feel herself drowning, a feat she struggled and struggled to find a resolution to, entirely in vain.

These days, made worse when no one spoke her name. When no one acknowledged her presence consistently, only interacting with her via non-verbal responses that were limited to nods of heads and gestures of hands. No one meant no ill will,- it was simply that Maya craved it, needing a confirmation that she was indeed there.

These days, she’d find herself lacking every sensation of her footing, missing the familiar smoothness of the academy’s porcelain floors beneath the soles of her loafers. She’d speak and sing from a mouth that didn’t feel like hers, touch handrails and doorknobs and dress and undress herself into the should-be familiar navy leotard as she prepared herself accordingly. It was raining, and even with the absence of a scarf and her bare knees exposed to the elements, she could barely feel the cold. She would be moving on autopilot, only heading to one class after another based on muscle memory alone, her eyes not actually seeing the hallways in front of her, nor was it reading the classroom nameplates hanging above every door.

Instead, she watched herself resume her daily life as a student. As Seisho Music Academy’s 99th graduating class’s Top Student herself.

"Your breath smells like coffee." Claudine commented when their fingers were intertwined, late into another rainy day. It was, to Maya’s absent recollection, to be a week after her own return.

Maya had her other hand on Claudine's shoulder, and the blonde's had hers on the tallest girl's hip as she was the one to lead, something that happened once in a blue moon. They’d stood close enough to each other for the half-French to get a whiff of Maya’s lavender-scented perfume, and what she expected to be the mixture of toothpaste and herbal tea turned out to be caffeine once the brunette started panting with exertion. "You rarely drink coffee."

The top student's answer was honest, direct. 

"I did not get much sleep last night.”

The admission had her partner level her with a solemn look, the blonde knowing full well that Maya had retired early to bed the night before. She had been doing a lot of that recently. The brunette wasn’t certain why. Her heart tugged her to feel the need to be closer and closer, so she could get the confirmation she needed. Have her friends know who Tendo Maya was, have herself be reminded that she was real, that none of this was a fairytale conjured by the solitary child the top student was so long ago.

It was real. She was real. Rose-tinted irises continued to pierce through her eyes, and Maya squeezed her hand once, letting out a slow exhale upon receiving a return grip of her partner tightening her hold. This hold, Maya reminded herself, was real. An anchor to the ground. An anchor that kept her present, real. Not one that dragged her into a void she could never escape from, something to drop a weight down and bring her with it into deadly whirlpools where shipwrecks laid scattered in defeat.

A sensation of her own heartbeat, the irregular and abnormally fast feeling of it pounding in a cage of bones, reminded her of this; Her existence.

“Were you reading?” Claudine tried, likely remembering seeing Maya check out a stack of books from the school library.

The brunette knew it was from quite some time go, - or perhaps just last week, none of them knew how long Maya was gone for - and she had remembered bumping into the blonde as she hurried to leave the school with her collection of books to power through her free evenings. Funny how she was remembering such occurrences now, when any memory of Maya had merely been blank some time ago.

It was a blur, yet also not. Memories after memories overlapping in the way oil coated over water. Mixed and polluted, somehow remaining to be two very separate liquid matter.

Some mornings Maya woke up remembering the artificial smell of dirt and mother nature, a faux timeline where she was dressed so chivalrously as she scouted through forest after forest, a continuous loop of pushing her blade through smoke and flesh. There was a time when she’d have to remind herself that none of it was real, forcibly so, grasping desperately for a reality that made sense, so exponentially anguished that if she was doing it in the most literal sense, her fingers would surely bleed. Other days, rare days, she felt normal,- just for a small moment, as if she had never been stolen from the world.

The night before - Maya had relieved through that distressing scripted moment. She had been an audience of herself, lost and trapped in her own mind as she lost that one tether she once had. She had merely been there, in her bed - existing and not existing at the same time. Witnessing the top star’s decay.

Claudine’s hand in hers was warm, clammy with exertion. They had been practicing for a time, a time Maya could no longer keep herself attained to. One of the things she was slowly losing. Time felt like nothing, a meaningless chasm for her to fill more and more of her time with more nothingness. Touch, smell, sight, taste-

Nothing.

She couldn’t remember reading a book. She only remembered nothing.

“I don’t remember.”

Maya couldn’t feel the way her partner’s hold wrapped firmer against her.

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

Ice, Maya learnt, was welcoming. It was a chilling feel against her skin, wrapping her in a cloth of sensational numbness that allowed her to feel so much and not at all at the same time. It soaked her with a hypocritically heartwarming comfort that dragged her through trudges of greenery and out to the original form of the giraffe’s stage, back to where her friends awaited her.

That night, she remembered, was when two worlds - their reality and the deceptive falseness of Wartime of Farewells - blurred together and became one. Kaoruko had stood over her, dressed in complete gear of black and navy blues as she played her part of the leader of the Black Lion Nation, stating how her words were enough to move both nations’ knights as they stood beside Maya. She’d stood by and watched with deep pride as Claudine, one of the knights, jumped into the battle, followed by the rest of her comrades as she’d voiced her commands.

Catalina, her name was. That was her name on that stage, as they performed and fought through the play to the very end. A scene where Kaoruko held Maya in her arms as the sun general herself collapsed from a hard-worn battle had Maya repeating said name on her lips, over and over, until the entire facade faded away and she once again saw her friend.

“That’s not my name.” Catalina- No, Hanayagi Kaoruko, had told her, her scrutinising browns dancing with mirth.

Maya’s eyes finally fluttered open then, to the sight of Kaoruko maintaining a steady hold around her torso, with her own knights in red and gold surrounding them, followed by the rest of the Black Lion Nation. They were no longer playing a character, acting a part - where glares of determination and characters holding bloodthirsty grins of knights on the battlefield had once been, smiles of relief surrounded her in its place. It was, what Maya could then see, was the end of the ReLive - the end where it meant she could finally be returned to the real world, to the real life she had.

That was what took over her mind when she allowed the freezing cube to roll in her palms; her mind reforming that blurred line between fiction and reality as it painted over the cloudiness of her recollection in a clear, pristine colour. Every tinge of the frigid ice cube spiked her skin with a grounding frostiness, forming the boundary between two worlds.

“I am Maya Tendo.” She murmured, clutching the ice and letting melted liquid dribble down across her wrists and down her elbows. That was her name. Not Mariavera, never that.

It wasn’t until moments later did she realise she’d put her first name first. It was progress, she thought. 

˚ ✧･ﾟ 

Fire, Maya learnt, burned.

It was brief, a scalding lick against her tender skin. Yet it was enough to cause a scream to erupt from her parted lips, prompting both blondes in the room to turn their attention to her without haste. The other girl that had occupied the space took one look at the situation and left, presumably to grab a first aid kit as a means to heal the broken skin against the lower side of Maya’s palm.

Words were spoken, all crowding against her earlobes and she sooner felt hands touch her back and guided her towards the sink. Cool water ran against her hand, more to make the singe hurt less than to wash away any residue from the flames. One of the hands holding her left to turn off the stove, having just remembered the cause of the accident in the first place.

Maya stared and stared. Water running seamlessly along the curves of her hand and across the redness that would surely leave an ugly mark. The pain was real, more real than the times she’d taken countless hits from the fictional general she once was. A faded vision of a time when one particular humanoid - seemingly made of shadows and darkness - had thrown fireballs and hit her in the thigh, rendering her immobile for a short while, took over her mind. It was brief, and when a gentle thumb caressed the area of her burn did she curl her toes against her slippers, feeling the kitchen floor beneath her feet.

As instant as a flip of a page, Maya became aware of how it was Nana that had one arm wrapped around her waist, the other holding her hand and washing it meaningfully as Mahiru returned and gestured for them to meet her at the dining table for Maya to be taken care of. Claudine stood by the stove,- now turned off - wearing one of Nana’s obnoxious neon coloured frog-themed aprons, arms crossed against her chest as she watched Maya be led away. There was a crease in her forehead, matched by a frown.

Maya wasn’t watching herself. She was there, seeing through her own pupils the way she had always been meant to, and her friends were there.

Claudine stayed in the kitchen until half of Maya’s hand had been wrapped in white. She could only barely curl her fingers, and Mahiru had been determined to make sure it would not come off all too easily.

Their eyes met.

“You did that on purpose.” Her partner stated. Accusatory, assuming.

Despite it all, Maya smirked. Over the past two years, Claudine had seen through her as easily as peering through a looking glass. That, she thought, could stay. Even in the false memory, Claudine’s role as Claudia the knight had been to see through the elusive general of the Sun Nation, to beat her in battle and be the best knight the entire tale of Wartime of Farewells had ever seen. They’d remained rivals, in any universe.

It was a consistency Maya now saw, and she reached out then, an unbandaged hand to which the girl responded with a mildly diffident grasp.

She had, indeed, wondered if the opposite of freezing point temperatures would be enough to bring her mind back to where they belonged. Maya had not thought it through, not entirely. Though if it truly had the effect to lead her through the depths of her mind where fictional was real and reality was false, bringing her to rise above such confines and return to where she truly existed, then perhaps it was worth the harm.

But as rose-tinted irises engulfed her in scents of floral and musical notes, playing all the songs they’d ever come to sing together, Maya decided she couldn’t keep doing that to the knight that battled so vigorously and valiantly for her.

As it should have been, she told her everything.

And she had always been there for her.

˚ ✧･ﾟ

“Claudine.”

She didn’t mean for her voice to sound so weak, desperate.

“Oui?”

Maya saw how the blonde’s expression immediately turned tentative, awaiting whatever it was Maya had to say. She knew what she had to say, yet the earlier confidence turned into hesitation without any restraint, and the only thing keeping her footed, maintaining her place to there, was how she dug her nails deeper into her skin, her other hand holding a chilled glass of water with the condensation sliding across the smooth surface as dragged by gravity. She reminded herself how she was herself, in her own body, and in her own mind.

The feeling, the sensations, they were all her and hers.

Yet, it was confirmation she still craved.

Her deep amethyst gaze flicked to Claudine, her partner lounging beside her on her back as she stared out to the sky. Some moments ago, Claudine had claimed she saw the stars forming a swan.

 “Say my name. Can you say my name?”

The look Claudine gave her was pure confusion, stirred into the makeshift salad of contemplation, concern, a little bit of drowsiness and that other look she always gave Maya when she was trying to figure the brunette out.

In the end, it all completed into one full serving of contentment and understanding.

“Maya.” She breathed, turning to lay on her side as reached out for whichever part of Maya was closest. “Yes, Tendo Maya.”

˚ ✧･ﾟ