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Dear Rayla
As I write this, it’s the night after we escaped from Rex Igneus. I’ve decided to write this letter to you, hoping you’ll never see it. But if you do, you know what happened. That, or I’m giving you this myself to not say things out loud. I don’t know yet, and maybe I never will. Maybe I’m just writing this so I can get my head straight, get a grip on things.
I have spent the last 2 years loving you, Rayla. I never stopped. Not when we had that fight at the moon Nexus, not when I stopped crying long enough to get out of bed in the morning, not when my 16th, and even 17th birthday had come to pass.
I want you to know that Rayla.
I never stopped loving you.
Even when I was cold, unkind, and distant from you these past few days.
But it hurt, Rayla. It hurt a lot. I had always thought we were a team, and I was, still am, extremely lucky to say we were something more. I still want that. I still want you, to be with you, to hug, kiss, and wake up next to you in the mornings. And I hope you’ll forgive me for this, but despite wanting all that I’m still angry at you. Angry at you for betraying that. That you decided that I was more in need of your protection than your company.
I found a spell not too long after taking the old High Mage’s job. It’s supposed to carry your words to whoever you want, wherever they are. I’ve spent entire nights debating with myself if I should send you one, in the hopes that maybe you’d come back. Maybe, you’d hear my voice and decide that you were done. But I never did, because I don’t think I could bear sending you one, and finding out later that you were dead after all.
That the love of my life was dead somewhere, and I was still talking to her because I didn’t know.
Anyway, I get the feeling I’m rambling a bit. I do hope I find the courage to tell you this, or get the opportunity to. And in case you’ll ever doubt the words I speak, read the ones I’ve written here. Aaravos might manipulate me again, and I don’t want him to hurt you with the love I have for you.
In the letter you left me, I’ve read it over and over and over the last 2 years, You called me cute in my sleep. And while Ez has certainly told me… similar stories, I can’t ever imagine myself looking as sweet as you are right now. I would draw you, it’s what I usually do, but I don’t want this picture to go to waste on the paper. It’d spoil the moment. So, I guess words will just have to do.
The embers are slowly turning gray in the campfire. The smoke coming from the final flickers of light is the only obstruction there is to see the starry night sky, save for the trees surrounding the clearing we’ve made camp in. It’s you who is the most beautiful, though. Resting your head against the trunk of a rather large tree, arms crossed over each other as if to protect yourself from the elements. Your legs slightly spread out, maybe so you don’t fall over.
I’ve been writing, looking at you for maybe three hours now. I had always hoped, but never dared imagine that I would see you like this once again.
I can’t help but notice that there is a large gap between the roots you sleep between. You’re almost pressed against one of them, but the other… Well, there’s enough room for someone else to sit next to you. Maybe in the future I’ll be the one to occupy that spot. Hopefully. But right now, I’m not going to. It still doesn’t fully feel right. In the meantime I’ll let you sleep, and watch you rest the night away.
I have said it at the beginning of this letter, but I want to say it again.
I love you.
I have for the past 2 years.
And I always will.
and I wish I could have said that every day for the past 2 years. I guess we’ll have to make up for that in the future. And if we don’t… Read the previous paragraph again.
-Callum