Work Text:
They met in the library. It had to have been an unseen force or a stroke of remarkably good luck on Shinsou’s part because it was the first time Denki had been back to that library in over a year, or at least he tells Shinsou as much.
Shinsou doesn’t know much about Denki’s life before they met. He knows that Denki loves his major, English Literature, he likes baking with Mina, he loves visiting his mom whenever he can and that he has at least 4 copies of The Old Man and the Sea. Shinsou’s read them, three of which were beautiful hardcovers in perfect condition, expertly annotated to different perspectives that felt like they were based on mood, the fourth was different. For one, it was paper back, not hardcover. Secondly, it sported vulgar annotations, seemingly more for entertainment than actual analysis, little drawn emoticons in the margins and grossly incorrect comparisons. This was the copy Denki read the most. The cover was worn, pages wrinkled and spine cracked. It was hard for Shinsou to even get his hands on it to read it in the first place.
What Shinsou didn’t know, is why Denki switched majors a few months before they met, or why this book wasn’t annotated by him, or why he and Mina seem to be terrible at baking but they do it anyway. Shinsou won’t ask, he’s sure Denki will tell him when he’s ready, right?
“Hey, eat something before your test today so you don’t keel over on question two, okay?” Shinsou called, leaning against the doorway with a soft blue cat mug of coffee in his hands. He watched Denki as he rummaged around his living room, shoving books papers and binders into a bag.
Denki stopped moving, as if fog clouds his mind and he stares. Shinsou held his gaze unconcerned. After all, this has happened before.
It often goes like this, Shinsou will say something, presumably normal by his own standards, and Denki will freeze with a faraway look in his eyes. Like he’s remembering. Shinsou never asks, Denki never tells. As quickly as it happens, it stops.
“Yeah, yeah thanks Hito I will.” Denki replied, shaking his head lightly. He shoved the rest of his things into his bag and left after giving Shinsou a quick kiss.
Shinsou should leave too. Loitering in Denki and Mina’s apartment wasn’t something he enjoyed doing. This was mainly due to Mina, not to say that he didn’t like her, he adored her. She was always kind to him and never failed to pull a laugh out of the depths of his chest. She was just a bit much for him to handle. Especially so without his buffer, who just slipped out the front door on his way to class.
As if he has manifested her, Mina threw her bedroom door open with a slam. Shinsou winced.
“Hey Shinsou,” she said, stifling a yawn. “Denki leave already?”
He nodded. He tracked her as she walked from her room to the kitchen.
“And he didn’t even make me anything.” She whined, gesturing to the empty counter. Shinsou smiled a small fond smile.
“He’s shit in the kitchen, I don’t think he could’ve even if he wanted to.” He replied, taking a couple steps into the kitchen area. Mina didn’t turn to look at him as she spoke again.
“Well he never needed to, he was kicked out of the kitchen before he could even think about setting anything on fire.”
“Oh and you were doing the cooking then? Last week you nearly blew up the microwave.” Shinsou retorted, blowing air out of his nose. Mina didn’t respond, she didn’t look at him either. Shinsou pulled the hairs at his nape, guilt rising in his stomach. He set his mug down on the counter.
“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, Mina, I-“ she cut him off.
“No sorry, it wasn’t you I was just thinking.” She turned to face him, sad smile on her face. “Do you cook any? He would love that.” She asked. Her voice betrayed her smile, just a little.
Shinsou shrugged. The sentimental atmosphere was suffocating.
“Sometimes.” He answered. “What’s his favorite? All I know is his favorite take away.”
“Katsudon.” She answered, sad smile morphing into a soft frown. Shinsou was uncomfortable. He hated conversations like this. He hated not knowing what emotion he should be feeling and he hated not being able to empathize. Most of the time this was helpful, lack of empathy in his criminal law studies made the work that much easier. Made it easy to distance himself from anything unsavory. Now though, he just wished he knew what to do to make this less uncomfortable. Without much fanfare, Mina left the kitchen, muttering something small about a shower.
Shinsou breathed a small sigh of relief as he made his way to Denki’s room. He should go home, but he doesn’t. He opened the door slowly and closed it behind himself. Silence and solitude brought Shinsou a good amount of comfort, so after a painfully uncomfortable conversation, to lay down in Denki’s bed and bask in the silence was all he wanted.
Unfortunately his mind had other plans. He couldn’t stop thinking about Mina. Well, the conversation with Mina.
What did she mean? Why was katsudon of all things a sore subject? He’d ask Denki. Not one for confrontation in any form, he didn’t necessarily want to, but he’d step much further out of his comfort zone than that for Denki Kaminari.
——————
Shinsou was sure he wasn’t supposed to be listening to this conversation. He couldn’t help it though, the pair of them were in his apartment after all. Shinsou had invited Denki and Midoriya to a movie night at his place, just to give Denki a fun, relaxing night before any of his exams started. After the first movie, Denki had dragged Midoriya to the kitchen under the guise of making more popcorn.
“-to introduce Hito to him.” Denki said. Even though Shinsou couldn’t see him, he heard the anxious tone in his voice.
“I wanted to ask your permission basically, he was yours first.”
Who?
He wondered who he needs to meet, who was important to Denki but hasn't met Shinsou yet, the thought dripped from his brain to his stomach through the silence. Who exactly should Shinsou meet? His parents? No, they had met once before. His friends? Shinsou was sure he met all of Denki’s more important friends.
No immediate response came and Shinsou held his breath. He picked the skin of his thumb with his right hand and the skin of his lip with his left.
“I think you should, but you don’t need to ask me Kami. You know it was always you in the end.” Midoriya answered, breaking the thick silence. Shinsou contemplated this answer. An ex? An ex then, one they both dated at some point or another. An ex boyfriend. Denki wanted Shinsou to meet his ex boyfriend.
“What if it goes badly?” Denki asked, the catch in his voice made it seem as if he was close to tears. Shinsou longed to walk in and reach out to Denki. To push his fingers through his hair, a small comfort.
“He’s a good guy Kami, you know how this will go, and you know it’ll be fine.” Midoriya soothed, voice lighter than before.
“Besides,” he continued, “it’s nearly April, he was gonna meet him soon enough.”
Shinsou heard Midoriya cough to cover a break in his voice.
“Yeah,” Denki replied, “yeah okay.”
——————
“Hey Hito.” Denki asked, shuffling sheepishly into the room, feet clad in soft socks, Shinsous shorts and draped in a shirt much too big for him. It wasn’t Shinsou’s shirt, he knew that much. Shinsou had seen Denki in clothing like this before. Shirts two sizes too big and much more punk rock than anything Denki would buy for himself. Shinsou never pried, and Denki never offered any explanation.
“Yeah Denks what’s up?” Shinsou replied, glancing up from his laptop with a soft smile. His back cracked as he stretched to give Denki his full attention.
Denki’s nervous posture went unchanged, he shuffled his feet again and tugged on the hem of the shirt.
“I uh,” he started, pausing as his voice gave way a bit. Shinsou simply nodded in encouragement.
“I want you to meet someone later today. If you’ll go with me?” Denki asked, anxiety visible as he pulled his hands from the shirt and dug his nails into his palms.
Shinsou assumed it was the ex. He wasn’t sure exactly if it was a great idea to meet Denki’s ex boyfriend. Shinsou was awkward, he was quiet and he was uncomfortable a good ninety percent of the time. Though if Shinsou was one thing, it was weak to whatever Denki was asking of him.
“Sure love, should I get dressed?” He asked, slight edge of teasing in his voice to try and break the anxiety eating away at his boyfriend. “While these sleep clothes are nice, don’t get me wrong, I could throw on my fancy sleep clothes.”
Denki’s anxious posture cracked just a bit and he smiled.
“You can wear anything, I’m just happy you’re coming with me.” He answered, moving over to settle himself into Shinsou’s shoulder.
Shinsou’s anxiety though, was skyrocketing.
——————
Hitoshi parked the car, with careful precision Denki exited the passenger seat and sucked in the deepest breath he’s taken in the past hour.
Denki missed it here. He missed visiting. He missed the smell of the flowers and the feel of the grass. He’s spent a lot of time here during his college years. Turning slightly to see mild shock on Hitoshi’s face, he grabbed his hand.
“Come on Hito,” he said, voice steady for once, “this way.”
Denki lead them down the familiar path. He felt is should be more worn down, given the amount of time he spent walking it. He passed through rows and rows and stepped carefully between bouquets of flowers before finally settling in about 20 rows from the front gate and sitting down. He pulled Hitoshi down with him. Hitoshi was pliant, sitting next to him, thighs touching.
Neither spoke for a few minutes, listening to the cicadas in the trees, legs pressed against each other, hand in hand.
Denki spoke first.
“Happy birthday Kat.”
——————
Shinsou couldn’t speak. What was he supposed to say? He watched as Denki unraveled their hands and touched the name etched in stone. He tracked Denki’s fingers as they passed over the birth date. He held his breath as they skimmed the death date. He let out the breath quietly as Denki settled next to him again.
Seconds passed.
Minutes.
Denki spoke again.
“I dunno where you are, Kat, but if you’ve been watching then you know Hitoshi.” His voice was still steady and strong.
“When you…” his voice trailed, like he was looking for the right word. Shinsou squeezed his knee as a comfort. Denki closed his eyes and continued.
“When you died, Kat, I told Mina every time she mentioned it that I would never fall in love again.” He opened his eyes, flitting them back and forth between the worn down Katsuki and the engraved April 20, 2XXX.
“Then I met Hitoshi.” He whispered, tearing his gaze to his lap.
“I was so sure it was only ever going to be you. I’d never find anyone who compared. I was so lost for so long, I changed everything about me for awhile. Then Hitoshi walked into my life. He was like, a new breath in my lungs. The feeling you get when you breathe in after being underwater for so long.”
Hitoshi heart swelled. The affection he felt for Denki was unmatched. Hearing him talk about meeting Hitoshi like it was one of the greatest things to happen to him was like nothing else.
“I felt so guilty.” He continued. Hitoshi frowned, keeping quiet and letting Denki talk through whatever he needed to say.
“So guilty because I thought that liking him, loving him, meant forgetting you. Then the more I was with him, the more I noticed little things about him that reminded me of you. I found pieces of you in him and I felt worse. It felt like I was trying to replace you. Like I was trying to pretend he was you.” Denki laughed. Not a bubbly, loud laugh like Shinsou was used to, no. Denki laughed in a morbid, rough way that sounded like a sob.
“God it was a rough few months of guilt eating away at me.” Shinsou watched as he ran the heel of his hand under his eyes. He trailed his fingers across Denki’s free arm, he hoped as a comfort.
“I kept rereading that copy of The Old Man and The Sea you gave me for my birthday. Every time I reread it, I felt just a little bit worse. Every annotation you wrote in there, every little drawing was something I felt like Hitoshi would say, or draw, or write. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t separate it from what was actually happening.” He paused, taking a deep breath and letting it out.
“Really it was Hitoshi that made me realize.” Denki continued, gesturing in an off handed way to Shinsou.
“He made me realize that there was never any need to replace you. I loved you. I still love you. I think I’ll always love you.” He paused again, running his hand through the grass in front of the stone.
“But I’m allowed to love him too. I’m not replacing you, I’m finding my happiness again. I’m allowed to find my happiness in myself, and I’m allowed to find my happiness in him. I’m allowed to be happy.” Denki smiles a real smile, albeit a sad one, but real nonetheless. Shinsou released the breath he was holding as he linked his hand with Denki’s again.
“If anything you’d want me to be. You’d love Hitoshi. You guys would definitely team up and tease me. You’d make your little snarky remarks together and you’d pull real laughs from each other. I know if you’d like him, then there’s no reason I can’t like him too.” With a sigh, he finished his speech to the stone, to Katsuki. He turned to Shinsou, pulling him into his soft golden eyes and smiled again.
“I thought I would never fall in love again until I found you.” He said with a little squeeze to Shinsou’s fingers. Shinsou gave him his softest, warmest, most encouraging smile he’s ever given. Shinsou turned to the headstone.
“Hello Bakugou, happy birthday. If you didn’t know already, I’m Shinsou Hitoshi, and I’m totally, irrevocably, painfully, completely in love with Denki Kaminari.”