Work Text:
"you seem really well," sana remarks, smile dripping with honey and eyes still as lovely as the stars. "you look so happy."
momo wonders why her heart still does that soft humming at the sight of sana. why she still feels the pull that always brings her back, regardless of how much sana pushes her away.
sana awaits her reply, but momo's tongue is stuck in time; jammed with all the questions that have piled up. so sana continues, "i don't think i've ever said it... but i'm proud of you, momoring."
i don't need you to be proud of me. i need you to tell my why you left. why our friendship meant nothing to you. why i'm the only one you saw as dispensable. why it was so easy for you to stop loving me.
momo doesn't say any of that.
"thank you, sana." she finally looks sana in the eye. she means it. always has. "i couldn't have done this without you. i'll always be grateful to you for everything you've taught me."
there's a hazy expression on sana's face that momo can't decipher, and she accepts that she never will. "it was all you, momo, i was just there to watch."
a bitter chuckle escapes sana's lips before she does something unexpected—she steps forward and hugs momo. it's not the same as the ones momo crave, but as momo gently wraps her arms around sana, it's enough.
"anyway, i gotta go," sana shakily says as she steps back, well crafted mask returning. "it was so nice to see you. let's keep in touch, okay?"
momo nods even if she knows it's a lie, that sana has long deleted her number and blocked her on all of her socials. still she smiles, because it's always been easy when it's sana. even if it hurts. "of course, satang. i'll see you soon."
she doesn't dissect sana's smile but she does count the seconds it takes for sana to cross the street. slowly disappearing into the sea of people, along with all of the love and affection momo's collected for her.
momo feels mina stand beside her, gently taking her hand as they watch sana completely disappear from their sight.
and after all this time, after all the pain and tears that she's shed, momo finally understands.
some people are never meant to stay in your life for too long. they stumble in it and bring meaning to all the little things that never mattered, opening your world to something greater than the one you're living in.
and that's exactly what sana did.
(it's just that sana was never meant to stay.)
"you ready to go?" mina asks, rocking back on her heels as she smiles at momo.
momo takes one last look at the street where sana went before turning to mina. "yeah, i'm ready."
she knows that this is the end of her and sana's story.
(but momo will always be thankful that sana came along.)
-
the first thing she notices is sana's hair, back to her natural shade of black. in the many years that momo's known sana, it's never been this dark. always bright and cheery just like sana.
(but the days where she knew sana is a distant memory now.)
it's an unexpected encounter, momo saw a new coffee shop and wanted to try it out. she expected a busy shop, people talking over each other as the scent of coffee wafts in the air, not sana nearly tripping and crashing into momo. never that.
"hey, it's been a while," sana is caught off guard, but she quickly recovers, "momoring."
momoring. a simple nickname but despite years of being reduced to whispers in her mind, still makes her heart flutter. believe that there's more to everything between them.
it takes a while before momo responds, too caught up with years of whys that mina beats her to it. mina hugs sana like it hasn't been six years since they last saw each other; exchanging pleasantries like nothing ever happened.
sana's smile never fades, momo notes, like it's permanently etched to her face. like a mask she can't take off. momo always hoped to see that smile again, now all she wants is to see it gone. "so... you two?"
the angelic sound of mina's giggle pulls momo out of her thoughts as she physically brings her closer. "five years," mina grins, glancing at momo like she's everything that's good in the world when she isn't. "almost six."
"that's great, i'm really happy for you," sana's face is unreadable, but momo's never been good at reading sana's true intentions. "i'm actually in a relationship too, it's a bit new though."
sana shows the picture of the girl, talks about how they met and how she's everything she ever wanted—and momo doesn't even look. pretends that nayeon hasn't told her about it.
the two catch up and momo silently stares at her cup of coffee. for years all she's wanted was to see sana again, to be able to ask her why she left, but she just can't. sana never looks at her and momo can never complete the words she wants to say. wonders why it's so hard for her to even glance at her.
she wonders if the ache in her heart will ever disappear at the thought of sana.
(she needs to try.)
-
0414
momo's phone unlocks and she's greeted with a picture of a brightly lit arcade and sana's smiling face as she holds up the bear plushie that she helped her win.
she stares at it for a few more seconds, reliving the day in her mind before going to her settings and changing everything.
0324
a black screen greets her, mirroring the way momo feels.
-
"okay, it's time for our quarterly," jihyo does air quotes, "how is she? my contribution is that she and her family went to tokyo."
nayeon lifts her phone up, eyes glued to the movie she's watching. "jeongyeon tell them what i found out."
"well nayeon was using her spare account and saw some of sana's stories." jeongyeon doesn't notice the way momo's face drops at the mention of sana's name. "she has a new girlfriend or something. this one seems to have stayed."
mina claps, leaning closer towards momo, "that's great. whether we're still friends or not, sana deserves to be happy."
the three fake gag and mina scolds them for being rude.
momo just stares at nothing. feels nothing and everything at the same time. they aren't foreign words, but even after all these years, they still hurt momo all the same. it's nothing new and yet it still constricts her chest until there's nothing left.
until everything sana left is gone.
but why should she care? it's not like sana has cared about her in a long time.
"yeah cool," momo pretends, stirring her hot chocolate until it's cooled, "good for her."
-
days turn into weeks that turn into months and soon enough, years have passed since momo last saw sana.
the minutes thinking about sana turns into weekends with their friends or at the shelters she and jeongyeon volunteer at. the hours regretting everything she's done wrong are now spent at work, trying to figure out what meal she'll create next or trying to learn the new game mina's obsessed with.
before she knows it, she doesn't think about sana anymore.
-
mina flips the strip of meat on the grill and the flash of smoke takes momo down a trip to a time where burnt meat was caused by laughter and of obscure stories that she would only hear from sana.
"you miss her, don't you?"
momo quietly cuts the meat and places it on her girlfriend's plate. "i don't know what you're talking about, mitang."
"you know that it's okay, right?" mina's eyes soften and momo really doesn't wanna deal with this. "it's okay to miss sana. she was your best friend—your soulmate—"
"she's not my soulmate," momo interjects, tone too high and tense. she exhales and tries to calm herself down. "you're my best friend and only soulmate. end of discussion."
mina frowns, clearly disappointed at her lame rebuttal and returns to grilling the meat. "i know, but i just hope you remember that. you can't just forget someone who meant so much to you."
momo scoffs.
if only sana knew that as well.
-
most days momo is able to function properly, she goes to work, goes out with mina, sees their friends and lives normally.
then there are days where all she can do is stare at her phone's search bar, fingers itching to type out the name she's promised not to think about.
nayeon and jihyo would scold her if they knew, jeongyeon would simply laugh and say that she's a lost cause. mina would understand and lend her her account. it makes her wonder; is it really that bad?
was it so bad for her to wonder how sana is doing? sana was a big part of her life, regardless of what happened, she should care... right?
for a few seconds she imagines what she'd do if she sees sana again. she thinks it'll be at namba, where they always hung out after class. she'll see sana and sana will notice her. they'll eat at their favorite barbecue place and it'll be like nothing has ever changed.
momo exits out of sana's instagram and goes back to working.
they've done this many times before, it's just a matter of time until things fall back into place.
-
"you're stalking sana again."
"i'm not."
"her page is literally still open."
momo quickly locks her phone and glares at jeongyeon's smirk. "i'm worried, okay! it's been a while."
"have you forgotten that it's sana who cut us off?" jihyo frowns, "why waste your energy on someone who doesn't want to talk to you."
nayeon chuckles as she slings an arm around momo, "aw come on, guys. don't be so mean. you know how much she loves sana." the other two laugh and momo is tempted to poison nayeon's next lunch. "but seriously, momo, haven't you realized how much better life's been since sana left?"
jeongyeon nods, "i've been great actually. life's never been better!"
"i'm not complaining," jihyo adds, "one less person to worry about."
"see?" nayeon sighs, "it's for the best."
when momo gets back home she thinks about how much she's achieved since sana left. she has mina now, and a job she loves. they're all closer than ever. she doesn't overthink about the wrong thing she might have said or worry about what she's done to offend sana. jeongyeon's right, it's been great.
but it doesn't stop the dull ache in her heart as she looks at the space of the bed that sana used to occupy.
-
to: sana
re: dog i saw
satang you'll never guess what! i saw a dog that looked just like petco! the owner was so nice and let me play with her for a bit. i attached a picture- you would've loved her!
1 image attached
to: sana
re: chili crab place
do you remember the chili crab place we always ate at? they're moving to tennoji now! we didn't even get to eat there again after graduation :( if you're ever in the area try and stop by! let me know if it's still good!
to: sana
re: look at this!
nayeon, jeongyeon and jihyo brought me to some bar last week and boy, did nayeon get drunk! here's some of the videos lol, it's so funny she went up to the stage and started, actually you can see for yourself. you would've had so much fun!
wish you were with us!
5 videos attached
to: sana
re: re: happy birthday momoring! (2016)
i just saw this again! whenever i hear mr. taxi i automatically think of you, this video is so funny! i hope we can go to a karaoke sometime whenever you're free and sing our favorite songs! i miss you, satang!
to: sana
re: mina
remember how you always told me about what it feels like to be in love? i finally get it now, satang! whenever i'm with mina i just feel happy. i can talk to her about anything and everything and i just... trust her so much.
i didn't believe you then, but i finally get it. love really is the greatest thing in the world. but of course, just because i'm with mina now, it doesn't mean that you aren't my favorite person on the world! you'll always be my number one, satang.
always and forever and ever.
to: sana
re: happy birthday, satang!
you won't be the only one making a fool of yourself to mr. taxi! happy birthday, satang. i miss you so much, i hope we can have a sleepover soon or anything really. i wish you all the happiness in the world, but even that's not enough.
i love you, satang, always and forever and ever :)
2 videos attached
1 mp3 attached
to: satang
re: it's been a while
hey satang,
i know it's been a while since we talked but i was walking around dotonbori the other day and i passed by the cafe we always stayed at during finals. and i remembered when we fought over that one test- and i get why you got mad. i'm really sorry satang.
i wish i could turn back time and treat you better. respect your wishes. i know it's too late for that, but i wanted you to know that i mean it. and i hope that you can forgive me, one day.
i miss you, satang.
message was saved to drafts
-
oddly, the first time mina sleeps with momo, her first thought is to tell sana. it's something sana always talked about and now that she's experienced it she wants to share it with the person who always teased her about it.
she's halfway through the message when she realizes that sana doesn't go online anymore. or replies to her messages. she puts her phone down and stares at the tv screen as she waits for mina to come back.
why should she even tell sana? sana hasn't cared about her in years. she should just tell nayeon or jeongyeon or jihyo. or no one at all.
"hey," mina greets as she returns to her spot in momo's arms, cheeks still red from earlier, "what's on your mind?"
momo shakes her head and leans against her girlfriend, "nothing. just really happy."
mina accepts this answer and plays the movie, animatedly explaining info from the first movie that momo didnt bother to watch. even after mina leaves, momo's mind still wanders.
she's scrolling through her feed when she sees a post about a dummy email. to vent or say the things you can't say. she locks her phone and prepares to sleep.
there's nothing that she needs to say.
-
"have you heard from sana lately?"
jihyo hums, pausing from the sketch she's making. "she looked at my story? but that's it."
"the last i talked to her was about the racket she borrowed," jeongyeon places the bowl of popcorn on the table before plopping down beside her. "that was like, after graduation?"
nayeon scoffs from her spot on the floor, "oh momo, i'm pretty sure sana has cut us off by now. i don't even see her post anything anymore. but we're used to it, so you should too."
momo nods. "right... yeah, i guess i should get used to it."
"that's the spirit!" jeongyeon bumps her shoulder and starts the movie, "the faster you accept that we're not part of sana's life, the better your life will be. now quit moping and lets watch!"
nayeon elbows jihyo, who stops drawing and stands to switch the lights off. jeongyeon throws popcorn at nayeon to stay quiet and momo's finger hovers away from the send button.
-
minatozaki sana
m.bysana
jan 23, 5:02 pm
if you're not busy, lets hangout?
maybe get some chili crab?
or maybe yakiniku?
my treat! :)
6:19 pm
whenever you're free!
i'll make time :D
jan 24, 2:34 am
sure momoring
9:25 am
you sent a post |
what do you think of this satang?
i think we could do this sometime!
though not soon bc u know... work
11:11 am
make a wish!
i wish that we finally go on that trip!
jan 25, 4:12 pm
you replied to her story |
that looks fun!
we should do that too!
5:15 pm
you replied to her story |
oooh that looks yummy!
was it good?
6:49 pm
you sent a post |
oh i didn't know you were on a date
looks like you had fun though!
when am i gonna meet this lucky lady?
11:11 pm
you sent a picture |
wished that your date
will be the one :)
feb 2, 10:28 am
you sent a picture |
you sent a video |
you sent a video |
we missed you at jihyo's birthday!
look at how hard jeong danced
it was so funny
i drank a lot
but you probably would've drank more!
feb 14, 12:00 am
you sent a gif |
happy valentines day, satang!
i hope you're having a fun night
with whoever you're spending it with!
and if you don't have anyone
know that i'm always here for you <3
feb 22, 09:29 pm
hey satang, how are you?
mar 8, 11:11 am
you sent a post |
wishing that you're safe and happy, satang :)
mar 28, 3:07 am
you sent a post |
remember when we always sang this?
typing...
unsend the message?
ok
-
"maybe sana just needs some space?"
it's been months since she's seen sana and it crushes momo completely. every message a simple yes and sure, but never actually going through with their plans. it creates a wound in her chest that she isn't healing.
"momo," mina calls softly, beckoning her to come closer, "hey, don't worry. you and sana have been through this before. it will be okay."
there's a voice in momo's head that says it won't—that she's lost the one person that was supposed to be in her life forever.
(it hurts.)
-
sana turns around and momo already knows she said the wrong thing.
"satang... i just," momo sighs, trying to backtrack on how everything went wrong in the span of thirty minutes, "maybe you should focus on yourself for once."
it was supposed to be their sleepover weekend, full of songs and food and stories. but momo is really happy with mina now, so she wants her best friend to feel the same. and random strangers off the internet won't give her that.
"listen," sana hisses, back still turned and momo's heart still sinking, "you'll never understand me and i think it's time you stop trying."
"satang, i'm sorry," momo begs, "i didn't—"
sana walks away.
momo chases after her, but sana never speaks.
they cancel their sleepover and sana goes home that night. and momo wonders if she ever understood sana.
(if she really is as happy as the thinks.)
-
momo doesn't get it, but when mina asks her to be her girlfriend, she thinks of sleepovers full of western artists she's never heard of, kpop songs she wants to dance to and laughter until the sun rises.
she also thinks of the nights where she pretends to sleep, pretends that she doesn't hear sana's hushed giggles and the voice of another girl muffled by a pillow. of the frustration in sana's eyes as momo tells her to be cautious for the nth time.
so she says yes to mina and tries to replace all of those memories with a gummy smile and a heart made of gold.
even if she can't.
-
graduation is filled with tears and hugs and promises to keep in touch.
"this is for you," sana hands her a letter and a a sunflower, "i'm proud of us, momoring. we did it."
their parents take tons of pictures but all momo can think about is the simple gift she received and how it reminds her of the first time she met sana.
that night she opens the letter and does her best to hold the tears back.
to my momoring,
we may not be college buddies anymore, but know that i'll be your best friend whether you like it or not. and that whatever happens, i'll always be here for you. i love you my momoring :)
love, satang
your soulmate
always and forever and ever.
-
once sana had asked, "if you were in a relationship, what would you define as being happy?"
momo happily replies; liking the same musicians, the same food, having a go to karaoke song, enjoying walking around and exploring and discovering new things together and being able to laugh at anything and everything. it isn't hard to picture each with the same person and she hopes that she'll always experience them with sana.
(but momo's so busy overthinking the term relationship—sana always specifies if it's boyfriend or girlfriend—that she misses the way sana doesn't even look at her, more interested in the face of people who might care than on momo's opinion.)
so when she temporarily becomes roommates with mina for a summer internship in tokyo, she discovers that it's not only sana who she can enjoy those activities with.
two months later, she stays over at sana's like she always does, bag full of gifts for her and her parents.
"my answer's the same, satang!" momo chirps from beside the giant rilakkuma on sana's bed, the first gift she ever got her. "i think this is it!"
sana peers up from her phone, undoubtedly swiping left to hundreds of strangers as always. "answer to what?"
momo hugs rilakkuma, sighing against its head as she thinks of mina. "of what a happy relationship is."
there's no response from sana for a while, just the buzzing of sana's ac unit and their breathing. momo thinks nothing of the silence even as sana gets up from the floor and settles beside momo.
"wanna watch something?"
momo forgets the conversation.
-
it's a simple photo; momo and sana on the bus, sana sleeping on her shoulder with her mouth open as momo takes a picture.
but there's something about it that draws momo to the photo, makes her never want to tear her eyes away from it—as if it's the perfect photo of them.
a buzzing tears her attention away from it and she sees it's mina.
she exits the photo and reminds herself to take pictures of mina asleep during their trips.
-
"satang, we don't have to—"
"no buts," sana laughs, dragging momo out of the station and towards the buses. "i promised that we'd go see the temples and eat matcha, i don't intend to break that."
momo frowns as sana stops to dig in her bag. "but you haven't slept at all."
sana magically whips out two cards and grins. "then i'll sleep on your shoulder—ooh, that's a lot of trust i'm putting on you, momoring! what if we get lost?"
"satang..."
her best friend takes her hand and momo regrets ever telling sana that she had never toured around kyoto before. "don't worry about me, momoring. seeing you happy is better than sleeping! now come on, we've got a new adventure waiting for us!"
even without any sleep, sana still smiles brighter than the gold colored castle, prettier than any tourist attraction they see.
-
drinking has always been a foreign concept to momo until sana introduced her to it during freshman year.
she's always only drank with sana or her parents and sister, but this time sana is out on a date so she's left in the company of hard drinkers.
"momo," jeongyeon slurs, reaching for her phone and stumbling instead, "what are you doing on your phone? we're here to have fun!"
momo actually forgets why she's on her phone, having one too many shots of whatever nayeon handed her. "i think i wanted to tell sana something?"
jihyo snorts from her end of the table, visibly okay but really more drunk than all of them. "what that you love her? ouch—nayeon!"
nayeon smacks her again for good measure before passing another glass to momo. "forget sana, you have mina now. plus, we're here to party! let loose!"
momo agrees, she's not here to think about pink hair and an infectious laugh. she's here to celebrate the end of the term and passing all of her classes without a hitch! so she grabs the glass and raises it, "kanpai!"
"kanpai!"
10:24 pm
wish you could have gone with us
but don't worry we understand!
10:58 pm
we're at the bar!
1 image sent
11:02 pm
i'll message you when we get back to nayeon's :)
have fun with your friends!
12:12 am
does rhis counr as a wish!!!!!!!!???
we make wishe s at thiis time rigjt!!!!!
12:55 am
i rhink ?? i lilke th is wi hiskehy thng
yeaaaaah i liiooooooke whiskey
1:45 am
mmmm srrrry fr whatveer dumb tjhjng i do
i dndnt meant it ?!!!!
fprgive me :((???
2:12 am
u know whst i akso like ????
u :)))))???!!
2:15 am
wsit no'nmmmm actuslly!!!!!!'
i lopfe u
i koce u
plode
loce
i loce uuu
lo ce
koceee
lcpe
loce uuuu
4:39 am
hooooppppme !
i loce uuuuu ;)
˚✧₊ minari ⁺˳✧ | 7:24 am
good morning!
looks like you had fun
7:35 am
and i loce you too, momo :)
-
"she's so nice, momoring! like she even lent me her shirt and it smelled so amazing. i'm never washing it!"
"that's a bit unhygienic?"
sana laughs, "it's not like i'm gonna wear it again!" momo raises an eyebrow. "okay... but just at home! i swear, you're gonna love her."
then sana tugs on her arm, "if things go well, maybe i can finally introduce you to her?"
if momo had fifty yen for each time that sana's said that, she'd probably have enough to buy an extra large beef bowl. maybe even dessert. and each time that sana declares that she's met the perfect guy or girl, it all goes down in flames and sana goes down a spiral that isolates her from everyone.
"satang," momo starts slowly, the smile on sana's smile fading slightly at her tone, "maybe you should take things slow? don't rush into things..."
the smile disappears and momo sighs, "satang, i just don't want you to get hurt."
darkness clouds sana's eyes and momo knows that she's lost her. "i'm an adult, momo. i know what i'm doing." she grabs her bag and stands, "i'll meet you after class."
momo watches sana walk away and regrets never chasing after her.
-
mina walks around her room, eyes soft and smile warm as she looks at the photos of her and sana.
"sana really means a lot to you, doesn't she?"
momo furrows her eyebrows, watching mina from sana's spot on her bed. "well yeah.. she's my best friend, my soulmate, you know?"
unlike nayeon, jeongyeon and jihyo, mina's eyes hold no judgement questions. they're full of understanding and adoration and something else that momo doesn't recognize.
"that's beautiful," mina finally says, smile so soft momo's afraid she'll ruin it the way she does to sana's. "i wish i had someone that special."
momo's mind tells her to say that she can be that someone.
but her heart reminds her that the spot is already occupied.
-
"that's it, i'm bi."
just like that momo's heart freezes, brain already overthinking the implications of sana's words.
"i matched with this girl," sana continues, phone in momo's face displaying said girl, "and she's the funniest person ever—well, after you, of course."
"cool," momo weakly says, "i'm happy for you."
sana's smile is blinding as she scoots beside momo, "no more stupid boys, momoring. i'm smarter now."
maybe momo's the one who's stupid if her heart still beats for someone who'll never notice her.
-
it's the same old scene, the same old story, yet momo still drops everything just to be with sana.
sana buried in momo's neck as she cries her heart out over some guy who will never appreciate her the way momo does. to her sana is perfect, beautiful, bright, talented and funny and kind, anyone who disagrees is blind.
"i waited for hours..." sana sobs, momo rubbing circles on her back as she vows to bash that guy's head if she ever sees him. "i was going to message him... then i saw that i was blocked..."
"i'm gonna kill him," momo seethes, already planning on how she and jihyo can ruin this guy's life. "i swear."
sana shakes her head and clings to her, "no, it's okay. i'll be okay because i have you. at least i have you."
it's the same old scene, same old story, yet momo's heart never lets go of the few minutes that sana is hers.
-
mina is beautiful and smart and talented and kind and funny and momo is really just so lucky that she chooses to spend time with her of all people.
"want me to get you that plushie?" mina points at the sully doll with determined eyes. "as a thank you for spending time with me."
momo chuckles, checking the joystick if it's rigged, "you might have a chance. i don't think this is stuck."
mina's eyes shine and momo's about to gush about how adorable she is when her phone starts buzzing, a sound she hasn't heard since it's creation barely audible above the arcade's noise.
♡ satang ♡ | 7:12 pm
he stood me up
it doesn't take a second thought for momo to know what she needs to do next.
"hey, mina—"
-
mina enters momo's life like a gentle breeze.
she's seen her around campus, even shared a few classes with her in freshman year, but momo was always too caught up with whatever sana was doing to ever notice the quiet girl.
so when jihyo finally introduces mina, inviting her along to their hangout, momo finally realizes that she's actually been classmates with mina this entire time.
"you lent me that pen!" momo gasps, unintentional accusatory finger pointed at their new addition. she gasps again, "i lost that pen... sorry."
mina simply laughs as the other three snicker, "that's okay, i can lend you more."
mina is fun and a literal breath of fresh air to the group, becoming a middle man when nayeon and jeongyeon argue while also joining in in teasing jihyo. she's perfect, and momo can't wait to tell sana all about her.
all day she waits for the special ringtone to go off, waiting for a chance to tell sana about mina.
her phone never rings.
-
sana arrives with a giant bag of chocolates that she instructs momo to share with the others, tells her of how fun sapporo was and how she met some guy on vacation who lives in kyoto and that they'll go on a date when he comes back.
"that's cool," momo tastes the third variant of chocolate sana gives her, she always gets first pick. "wanna have a sleepover this weekend?"
"oh, i can't, i'm meeting my old friends from high school. you know that."
"right, right..." momo takes another chocolate. a bit sweet. "how about the weekend after that?"
"can't, i'm meeting the guy i was telling you about. remember?"
momo looks down, wincing at the bitterness of the chocolate she had. "oh."
a hand touches her face and she looks up to see sana smiling at her, "sorry, momoring. two weeks will pass by quickly and we'll have our sleepovers again." momo doesn't budge and sana takes her phone. "here, let me make it up to you!"
sana grabs her nose and does a high pitched sound—momo thinks it's mario?—then repeats it towards the microphone. satisfied, she hands her phone back and grabs her own. "that's something aikawa taught me! look!"
the sound of mario's jumps fill the room and they burst into laughter. "seriously, satang?"
sana swats her arm, tears forming at the corner of her eyes from laughing so hard. "i set that as your ringtone so that i'll always be with you, even if i'm not there physically. so make sure to always message me, okay!"
momo can't help the flutter in her chest, or the hope the continues to grow in her heart.
"okay, satang."
-
"i don't think it's that bad?"
nayeon rolls her eyes, jeongyeon scoffs and jihyo just shakes her head. she has a good guess about what they're about to say, but she still continues. "yes, i'm attached to sana, but that's because she's my best friend! of course i always wanna hang out with her."
"but it's not healthy anymore, mo," jeongyeon sighs, "you shouldn't allow sana to constantly treat you like this."
jihyo hands her a hot chocolate, mug barely burning momo's hands from the numerous times they've been in this situation. "it's getting toxic, momo."
"we all know how much you love sana..." nayeon clears her throat, "but regardless of how much you love her, there needs to be boundaries. you're not just some backup plan she has whenever a boy breaks her heart. you're best friends... and it isn't healthy anymore."
momo sips her chocolate a bit too quickly, and wonders if she can still numb the pain.
-
karaoke, before, was really just a silly thing she and sana did whenever they had free time. she never expected that it to be a serious thing... until she became friends with nayeon, jeongyeon and jihyo.
"one must sing with their whole heart!" jihyo declares as nayeon punches in the next song, "karaoke is a sacred place where you can just let it all out. be yourself and all that."
momo leans towards jeongyeon who is busy flipping through the song list and whispers, "is she really this passionate about karaoke?"
jeongyeon nods, "karaoke is jihyo's life. if she can't sing she might as well die."
"hey!"
"it's true though," nayeon plops beside momo and grabs the second microphone, "screaming at us is her lifeline."
momo just chuckles as nayeon and jihyo take on their fourth duet, jeongyeon doing adlibs beside her. she takes her time in looking at the songs and finds a familiar one.
"oh! can i sing mr. taxi?" she says once the duet is over.
jihyo nods, collapsing beside jeongyeon, tired from all the jumping. "of course! you're free to sing anything you want."
momo giddily inputs the song and grins at them. "it's actually a song sana and i always sing, but i thought it would be a good introductory song for me!"
the room erupts into dancing and loud singing. she knows she promised sana, but the moment the song is over all she wants is to share their videos with them. "have you ever seen sana dance to mr. taxi?"
"yeah!" jeongyeon chirps, "i think she sings it even when no one's listening."
nayeon pulls her phone out and shows a video of sana dancing, mr. taxi blaring from her speakers. "it's like, her go to dance in class. i swear she says she hates it but she does it anyway."
the three share their experiences of sana dancing mr. taxi at class and momo feels her heart sink down to the floor.
-
it's unintentional really.
sana was taking a shower and momo was getting annoyed with all the buzzing. she knows sana's password because it's the first day they met—same as hers—so what she expects is a message from nayeon about whatever sana and nayeon talk about, is instead a very revealing picture of some guy.
"momo!"
the phone's snatched from her hands and she's met with sana's glare. "why are you going through my phone?!"
"it kept ringing—" she tries, "i just wanted to mute it—"
"never look through my phone without my permission," sana snaps, "got it?"
momo nods, mind torn between trying to think of ways to apologize to sana and trying to get rid of the images she saw. "it won't happen again, satang. i'm sorry."
they spend the rest of the night in silence.
(sana changes her password the very next day.)
-
the noise of the arcade does nothing to drown out the sound of sana's shriek as the claw fails to keep hold of the gudetama plush she wants.
"you know i can just buy you that, right?" momo asks as sana slumps against the glass, pouting towards the tired egg. "there's like hundreds of those at donki."
sana spins around, eyes burning with determination as she grasps momo's arms, "you don't get it, momoring! there's a certain satisfaction when you're able to do something on your own!"
she grabs momo's hand and drags her to a different set of claw machines. "it's time i teach you the next steps of independence, momoring!"
"via a claw machine?"
"it's a vessel! come closer, put your hand on the control." sana covers her hand with hers and starts moving the joystick to different directions. "first, you have to check if it isn't rigged! sometimes you gotta wiggle it a bit to be sure."
"what does this have to do with life?"
sana shushes her, "it has everything to do with life—just like life, you always have to make sure. be prepared before you enter anything. then once you're sure, that's when you aim for something you can reach!" sana puts in the coins and points to a plush in the corner. "see that one? that's easy to get, it won't take much for you to grab that. try it."
momo does as told and the claw easily lifts the plush.
"there!" sana chirps, "okay, now wiggle it a bit before the claw automatically goes back." momo gives it a wiggle before the crane mechanically returns and drops the bear. "there you go! congratulations, momoring! you have now won in life."
momo is confused. "how is this winning? i mean, i could just have been lucky."
sana laughs, "you can be lucky and win with skill, momoring. one day you'll get it. come on! let's go try shoot some hoops!"
momo looks at the small bear smiling up at her then at sana jumping up and down as she calls for her.
maybe she really is lucky.
-
everything happens so fast. one second they're laughing about their professor who looks like a bug then the next sana is showing the new guy she's seeing—an artist, she proudly says—and momo makes a mistake she'll continue making in the years to come.
"i don't know, i think you're too good for him," momo chuckles, failing to see the way sana's smile drops or the darkness that clouds her vision.
sana gets mad, clearly offended and misconstruing momo's intentions, eyes welling up with tears as she struggles to contain her anger.
momo isn't sure what's wrong, so she apologizes repeatedly, crawling up to sana and promising she won't do it again. she doesn't know what she did, but she doesn't care. all she knows is that she doesn't want sana mad at her.
it takes an hour before sana finally stops, clinging to momo in defeat as she sobs on her shirt.
"i'm sorry, momoring," sana whispers, "i don't know why i still feel so insecure. but i shouldn't get mad at you over it. we're best friends—i'm sorry."
momo pulls her closer, "i'm sorry too, satang. it won't happen again. we're best friends, nothing should ever come between us."
nights later, momo still doesn't know what was wrong with what she said, but she swears to never upset sana again.
-
"i don't really sing, satang."
"it's just you and me, momoring! don't be shy!"
momo sighs and gets up from her seat, sana squealing excitedly as she hands her the mic. sana places her phone near the tv and hits record just as mr. taxi starts.
"dance with me, momoring!" sana cheers, flawlessly executing the choreography.
they dance and sing the way they do at sana's house, laughing whenever they bump into each other and trying to catch their breath as they sing seven parts too many.
once the song ends, they collapse on the sofa, tired from using so much energy.
"this will always be our thing," sana says breathlessly, offering her pinky to momo's. "don't share this with anyone else, okay?"
momo hooks her pinky with sana's and smiles, "of course, satang. it will always be our thing—"
"—forever and ever and ever!"
-
some days it still amazes momo how despite all their differences, she and sana still get along so well.
imagine her amazement when they meet im nayeon, yoo jeongyeon and park jihyo, best friends since childhood who all got a scholarship at their university. bickering every minute of their lives yet would hunt down anyone who dares insult the other.
"they're kind of a packaged deal, huh," momo remarks, the three fighting (for the tenth time today) over who exactly broke nayeon's comb, ate jeongyeon's kimbap and who threw away the sketch jihyo made.
sana claps her hand ecstatically, as if a literal brawl wasn't about to break out beside her. "they're just like us!"
"like us?" momo frowns.
"yup! they're meant to be in each other's lives forever! you're stuck with me forever and ever," sana pauses with a pout before getting an idea. "that's too short—you'll be stuck with me forever and ever and ever!"
momo doesn't really think too far in the future, she likes to live in the present and enjoy the moment. "forever sounds like a long time."
sana gasps loud enough to break up the quarrel. "what? don't you wanna grow old with me—your bestest friend in the whole wide world?"
she thinks she can see it; old and gray with two dogs, living in an apartment next to sana, eating breakfast together, watching kids go to school from the balcony—it doesn't sound too bad.
the image causes momo to laugh, happiness seems so far away. "of course, i do."
"then it's final! it's going to be satang and momoring forever and ever and ever! say it with me!"
sana nudges her side and momo complies, ignoring the goofy look on the trio's faces. "satang and momoring forever and ever and ever!"
(happiness has been with her all along.)
-
sana teaches her to do a lot of things.
it starts with teaching her how to ride a bike ("we can't explore the world if we need to walk everywhere," sana exclaims, fastening momo's helmet before pushing her off, "now show that bike how it's done, momoring!) then escalates to more.
she takes her out to try new food, ("chili crab is the newest craze!") to finding new places in the city to explore ("japan is so big," sana explains as they hop off their random train route of the week, "how will we know what's there if we never look?") to accepting that sometimes, there's nothing else they can do.
(momo looks around sana's room, then at the always out and about girl now comfortably sitting on her bed, "so... we're not going out at all?"
sana pats the space beside her with a grin, "there are days where living is just being in the company of the people you love. today is one of those days—the first of our infinite sleepovers!")
ultimately, sana teaches her that momo's world can be a little bigger than it already is.
(and that maybe, her world is really just a girl with a heart as huge as a planet.)
-
if momo is being honest, there's no way she and sana would work. especially since they're complete opposites.
sana likes to meet new people, momo likes to stay in and watch western movies. sana wants to visit new places, momo likes to just order in from new restaurants. sana loves to hug her and cling onto her as if momo can be taken away at any moment while momo barely hugs anyone.
(sana is bubbly and friendly and laughs like the world is great and lives like there's even better things to see.
and momo... momo just wants to be content with life. she doesn't think farther than that.)
yet somehow, they just magically get along. despite all of their differences, they spend every second together in complete harmony.
so one afternoon, momo finally asks sana about this.
"why do you think we get along?"
sana doesn't look up from her psychology homework when she answers. "it's simple, because the universe wanted to apologize for making me an only child and led me to you."
"to me?"
"yeah, because we're soulmates," sana finishes writing notes and finally looks up, satisfied smile on her face. "we're meant to be, you and me. that's why even if we're completely different, we will always get along."
momo's cheek burn as sana's words sink in, "we're soulmates."
"exactly!" sana shoves her homework into her bag and stands, extending hand out to momo. "now, how about we get some yakiniku and beer? my treat?"
(and if momo was ever honest, she'd admit that she fell in love with sana long before that day.)
-
bumping and crashing into someone on your very first day of college is not at the top of momo's list.
there's a hundred apologies exchanged between them before the pink haired girl helps her stand up, eyes wide with worry as she bows again. "sorry, i'm kind of a klutz! you're not hurt, are you?"
momo blinks, she wasn't really prepared to socialize—she mostly planned on just dozing off on the first day and seeing if the food was good—so she's not sure what to say. "i'm okay. are you okay?"
"yeah, i am! are you sure you are?"
"are you sure you are?" momo parrots then she cringes because they're going in circles. "sorry—i'm not from here and i kinda got lost and was panicking and slammed into you—sorry..."
the pink haired girl gasps dramatically, "oh my god, and here i come barreling into you just because i wanted some coffee before my next class! i'm so sorry... miss?"
"um, hirai momo..." momo offers weakly to which the girl shrieks, causing the bystanders to startle.
"that's the cutest name ever—i'm minatozaki sana—but you can just call me satang and i'll call you momoring!"
barely a second later, sana is squeezing her tightly like they've known each other since birth. "how about i make it up to you? there's this really good yakiniku place near here that has the best meat! we can get to know each other and become friends!"
then sana gasps and takes seven steps back, bowing once again. "sorry, i'm getting ahead of myself—i understand if you're totally creeped out and don't want to be friends."
making friends also isn't on any of momo's lists. all she really cares about is graduating, making her family proud and getting a good job that provides for her wants—so socializing (despite it being natural in college) has never crossed her mind. at all.
mostly because momo doesn't like to plan ahead, she only thinks of the near future and friendship requires planning and caring and she doesn't have the energy for that. she doesn't like things that are temporary.
but somehow her mind decides on its own, signaling her stomach to rumble at the thought of grilled meat and untangling her normally jammed tongue to let the words out.
"no, it's okay," momo mumbles, then tries a little louder, "i'd love to be your friend, satang."
when sana looks up at her, there's something that tells her that this is all meant to be. that the way sana's eyes sparkles are a sign that she made the right decision.
momo doesn't think too far ahead but she thinks that one friend won't hurt her.
and who knows? maybe sana will be a permanent thing in her life.
(she hopes that she will.)