Chapter Text
“But I don’t mind being alone.”
“No?”
“No.”
A knowing smile on her face. “I felt the same, a long time ago.” A frail voice, quiet, but clear as a bell in the bitter cold. “But we can never know where the future will take us. Whatever place that may be, embrace it with an open heart.”
She gives me a weak but friendly smile, then gazes up at the shimmering night sky. An abundance of colors, green, red, violet. The reflection of her life – past, present, future. If that’s true, then how poetic the providence that it all ends here, on this Arctic starlit night.
I lean down and my lips touch hers, the final kiss under the Northern Lights.
Her soul dissolves into thousands of shining orbs, matching the beauty of the sky above us, and with silent solemnity I watch them ascend, higher and higher, until they melt into the swirling ribbon of colors, burning more brightly than ever before.
*** Death ***
Absentmindedly, I watch the swirling play of colors as the tea leaves start tinting the hot water. For a second, I’m elsewhere, somewhere long ago in the past. For a second, I wasn’t listening.
“Jesus Christ! I’m not sure what kind of Christmas I prefer.” Rudolf has been hurrying up and down the room for hours. “For once, I’m not stuck on a freaking train ride to Saint Petersburg two seconds before Christmas – but how exactly is this any better?!” A breathless sigh. “I have to come up with a Christmas present for the Emperor, even though we basically haven’t sproken all year. Mary is in the wings to proof-read the next article and now the dog is having a bad case of diarrhea.” All of a sudden, he stops in his tracks and looks at me. “And you aren’t even listening!”
“I am,” I reply with a blink, putting the cup away. “You failed to have a conversation with your dog, the Emperor can’t wait to proof-read your article and Mary is having a major case of diarrhea.” Shooting him a victorious smile.
For a few seconds, he just stares at me. Then, all of a sudden, his eyes light up with amusement. “Ha!” he lets out a laugh. “In your dreams!”
I join his laughter with a quiet chuckle as he lets himself drop down on the divan in the Turkish Parlor next to me. I eye him closely as he lets out an exhausted sigh.
Rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand, he eventually says, “Maybe I’m putting too much stress on myself.”
I take his other hand into mine, caress it softly. “Isn’t Christmas supposed to be the quiet time of year?”
“Yeah, but what am I supposed to do? It can’t be helped,” he shrugs. “There’s always so little time in December, so much that needs to be taken care of. And as soon as Christmas is here, the real stress begins. December 25th is always occupied by my mother’s belated birthday celebration.” Shaking his head. “Honestly, it’s so confining that my attendance is required there every single year. It’s a stiff and uncomfortable event.” Turning to me. “I’d much rather spend the Christmas holidays with the ones close to me.”
I shoot him a smile, happy to be reassured once again that he feels this way about me. “Uh, I am close to you!” I point out jokingly.
He chuckles, then leans in to steal a quick kiss. “Oh, trust me, I’m aware.”
“You know,” I say, optimistically, “You don’t need to put yourself under pressure because of me. I’m around all the time, we don’t need Christmas for that.”
“True, and that’s the most wonderful gift I could ever have,” he assures me with a loving gaze. “But it’s not just you I wish I could make more time for. It won’t get to see Erzsi this Christmas. Stephanie can’t make it to Vienna. And don’t even get me started on Gisela. I feel I haven’t seen her in ages.” He grimaces. “Spend time with your loved ones – that’s the essence of Christmas, right? But I’m sitting here, waiting to shake the hands of a bunch of strangers tomorrow.”
I can see in his eyes that this really bothers him, and I wish there was something I could do about it. The truth is, I love him so much – and whenever he’s happy, I am happy. I wish he could have the Christmas he wishes for, surrounded by his loved ones. “Well,” I shrug. “Tonight’s Christmas Eve, but it’s still early. You could pay at least Gisela a visit? It would be a nice surprise also for her, no?”
He ends up chuckling endearingly. “It would definitely be a surprise, but even if I caught a train to Munich right now, I wouldn’t be there until afternoon. And in order to make it back in time for tomorrow’s birthday reception, I would effectively have to leave again before I even left the station.”
I don’t reply to this, because obviously I didn’t mean that he should travel to Munich by train. But since he didn’t even consider the alternative, I may just keep it to myself right now, and potentially get Rudolf a nice Christmas surprise of his own. “I see,” I eventually say instead. “Well then, why don’t you get back to your article or take some time to pick a present for your father? I have to get back to my work as well. But we can meet again later, when we’re both done with our duties, and head out for a nice Christmas walk in the snow? How does that sound?”
He shoots me an appreciating smile and nods. “That sounds like a great idea and a wonderful reward for our hard work. But before we get back to it…” He turns around on the divan and lies back into my arms, cozily snuggling against my side. “Just a few more minutes…”
Gladly, I wrap my arms around him, pull him closer to me and with a loving kiss on his head bury my face in auburn hair. Warmth fills my heart as we sit there like this, so close, so at peace.
Outside, the frost is framing the windows as snowflakes start falling once again, but with my prince in my arms and the fire crackling cozily in the fireplace, I couldn’t be any more comfortable. And the spirit of Christmas is slowly but surely filling my heart.
I realize that our love is truly the greatest Christmas gift I could ever wish for. And I will make sure he gets the Christmas he deserves on this very special day.