Chapter Text
“Don’t leave.” TK whispers as Carlos pulls away from their hug to allow the doctor and nurses back into the room. While TK seems to no longer be on the brink of death, they evidently want to do a few more tests after his miraculous recovery.
“I’ll come back.” Carlos tells him, slipping out of the room as many people start to file in.
Turns out, that’s a lie.
- - -
Carlos leaves the hospital.
He drives home, takes a shower, cries in the shower, eats a meal and falls asleep in his own bed. No one but him has ever slept in this bed, even though TK is the one who picked out the mattress.
When he wakes up in the morning, he can’t make himself go back to the hospital. He truly planned on it. He planned to arrive right as visiting hours started, to be there by TK’s side for whatever the recovery process ends up being for a coma caused by severe hypothermia that he probably shouldn’t have survived.
He lies in bed for an entire hour trying to reason with himself, trying to convince himself to follow the plan.
But he can’t.
TK tore his life (and his heart) into a million little pieces when he broke up with him and walked out. Despite how much Carlos still loves him, despite how desperately happy he is that he’s alive and awake, his heart is still too broken.
Right now, he doesn’t want to go pretend to be the doting and loving boyfriend in front of everyone at the hospital. He doesn’t want to forgive TK and move on like the terrible last three months of his life never happened. He doesn’t want to give what little he has left away, just for TK to get better and realize he still doesn’t want to be with Carlos.
He’s not ready.
It doesn’t feel right.
He stays home.
- - -
He learns a few details about TK through the never-ending gossip machine that is the first responders of Austin, Texas. He definitely doesn’t seek the information out. TK is apparently still awake and relatively fine, but is being kept in the hospital for a week to recover.
In those first few days, he receives a few kind but confused texts from their friends.
On the first day, Nancy sends: “yo, dude. when are you coming back?”
The next day, Paul asks: “Hey, Carlos? Is everything okay? Haven’t seen you at the hospital.”
Two days later, Owen tries to call him.
He doesn’t answer any of them.
Every cell in his body full of the southern manners his mom taught him feels guilty about it, but he just can’t do it.
He doesn’t get anything from TK. Rationally, he knows that’s because his phone also took a dip in the lake, but some stupid part of his brain keeps telling him that it’s because TK doesn’t actually want to see him again.
The texts stop after the first few days.
- - -
Nine days after TK wakes up, and two since he’s been released from the hospital (Mateo posts way too often on his private instagram story), Carlos is reading on the couch when he’s startled by a violent banging on his front door.
The only people likely to visit him right now are his parents, and they definitely wouldn’t knock like that. He approaches the sliding door with caution, wondering if he’s possibly about to be arrested, assaulted, or faced with a pissed-off TK Strand. He’s not all that enthused about any of those options.
When he opens it, he instead finds Nancy Gillian standing in front of him with fire in her eyes. She’s not any less frightening than the options his brain came up with.
“Are you a complete idiot?” She demands, not wasting any time with greetings.
“...What?”
“Are you stupid?” She asks again.
“No?” Carlos responds.
“I think you actually might be.” Nancy says, pushing past him and into the loft. “Why didn’t you come back to the hospital?”
Carlos, halfway through turning to face her, freezes. He hasn’t spoken to his friends from the 126 in over a week, purely to try and avoid this conversation. They were all TK’s friends first. He didn’t think they’d be very fond of his decision, and clearly he was right.
“We–I just couldn’t.” He tells her finally. Her facial expression says a lot about what she thinks of that answer.
“You just couldn’t ?!” Nancy retorts, viciously. “Why the fuck did you tell TK you’d come back then?”
“I thought I would.” Carlos says. “I planned to, but it felt wrong the next day.”
“You sat by that man’s side for days while he was in a coma but going to visit him when he was awake felt wrong?”
“He broke my heart, Nancy.”
“I fucking know he did, you dumbass!” She exclaims. “ I’ve spent the last few months working with him almost everyday. He wouldn’t tell me what happened, but I could fucking tell. The man wears his heart on his sleeve, and he looked fucking guilty and miserable every single time you were mentioned. That still doesn’t explain why you told him you’d come back and then ignored all of us for over a week!”
“Nancy, I–”
“He waited, Carlos!” She continues, not letting him interrupt. “They brought him back from those tests and he was so exhausted he couldn’t hold his own cup of water, but he wouldn’t go to sleep because he was waiting for you!.”
Carlos’ heart plummets.
“And when his father finally convinced him to go to sleep at midnight , telling him you were probably just getting a good night’s sleep in your own bed after staying with him all those days, he woke up too early the next morning and waited again!” Nancy continues shouting, and Carlos decides it’s probably best to let her get it all out before trying to speak again.
“Three days, Carlos. It took three days for him to finally decide that maybe you weren’t coming back. He fought sleep, tests, and treatments that he needed to recover for three days straight because he was worried he’d miss when you came to see him again.”
“And then on that third day, when it was bright and sunny out instead of snowing, and he knew you weren’t at work. When he finally couldn’t make excuses for you any longer, he gave up.”
“It took Owen four hours to calm him down, Carlos.” Nancy says. She’s stopped shouting now, but the quiet seriousness of her voice is somehow even scarier. “TK begged him for painkillers because he wanted it to stop hurting and Owen had to hold him while he sobbed in his hospital bed, until he finally cried himself to sleep. A nurse stayed in the room to monitor him because they were worried the stress might send him into cardiac arrest again.”
“I’m sorry that TK broke your heart, Carlos. He’s a complete idiot for what he did, and I will be telling him that when he’s well enough to hear it.” Nancy isn’t looking at Carlos anymore, she’s staring at the coffee mug on the holder, one Carlos knows that she knows belonged to TK. She gave it to him after the fire, in a set with a matching one for Carlos. Carlos accidentally packed it when he was moving out of Owen’s and he’s never been able to get rid of it or even put it somewhere he doesn’t have to stare at it constantly. “But he broke his own heart too, and if it wasn’t a possibility, the least you could’ve done was not give him hope that he could fix this.
It seems like she’s finally done talking, but Carlos still doesn’t know what to say. He just stares at her, watches as she sniffles and tries to wipe the tears off her cheeks discreetly.
“That’s not what I came here to say.” Nancy finally says. “But I don’t think it matters anymore. I’ll just go.” She starts moving again, heading for the door.
Carlos grabs her arm before she can leave.
“What were you coming to say?” He asks. He has to know. If something is going on with TK, he has to know.
“It doesn’t matter if you’re already done with him.”
“I’m not–I’m not done with him.” Carlos insists. “You’re right, I shouldn’t have told him that and then disappeared. But I still love him, Nancy, more than anything in the world. And I want us to get back to a place where maybe we can fix this, so I need to know what you were going to say.”
“We need your help convincing TK to go stay at Paul’s place.”
“What? Paul’s place, why?”
“Owen’s heating broke in the storm, and the utility companies are so backed up that they won’t be out for at least another week to fix it. Owen’s been surviving mountain-man style with boiled water and building fires in the fireplace, but that’s not exactly effective at heating an entire house of that size.” She explains. “They released TK from the hospital, but he’s still recovering. He’s meant to be on bedrest, which he is, but being in that frozen house has him on the brink of being sent back to the hospital. Tommy and I go over to check on him, and his body temperature is lower than we’d like and he’s getting a bad cough.”
“Why won’t he move to Paul’s place then, if Owen’s is so miserable for him?”
“Carlos, he won’t do anything since that day he realized you weren’t coming back.” Nancy says. All the air is sucked out of the room, and Carlos feels like he can’t breathe. “He did his treatments and therapies in the hospital, but it was just so they’d let him leave. Now all he does is lie in bed. We think he’s probably too weak to leave by himself, but Owen still has his wallet and keys locked up. Just in case he tries to do something unhealthy.”
“Why do you think I’ll be able to convince him?” Carlos asks. Nancy just stares at him like he’s stupid.
“Carlos, you’re all he wants. I think that man would do anything you asked him to do right now.”
“That’s not a healthy relationship dynamic.” Carlos says.
“No, it’s not.” Nancy agrees. “But it’ll be more unhealthy for him to end up back on a ventilator with pneumonia, so we may need to take advantage of it this one time. You can go to relationship counselling later. At this point, honestly, TK should just move in with his therapist”
The image of TK with a tube down his throat, again, is what spurs Carlos into action. He turns and marches to his bedroom, ignoring Nancy's confused calls. He grabs a hoodie from the dresser and pulls it on before grabbing his keys and wallet from the nightstand. Then he’s marching back out into the main living space and towards the front door.
“Oh-We’re–You’re coming?” Nancy stutters, following after him into the hallway.
“I was scared and it made me stupid.” Carlos says, as he locks the door behind them. “He told me he didn’t want me to leave and I refused to believe him. TK Strand is a lot of things, but he’s not all that good at saying what he wants in a relationship. He told me he wanted me there, and I left him all alone, and now he’s suffering because someone else he trusted left him and he thinks he needs to punish himself for causing that.”
“Boy, he has issues.” Nancy mumbles, walking after him through the parking garage and to the Camaro. She doesn’t seem concerned about coming with him, so Carlos assumes she got a ride over to his place.
“So many issues.” Carlos agrees. “But he’s also the sweetest, kindest, most loving man I’ve ever met and if that means I need to go over there and physically drag him from that freezer of a house, I will.”
“Oh, thank god.” Nancy sighs, settling into the passenger seat next to him.
“But he’s not going to Paul’s.” Carlos continues. “He’s coming home.”
- - -
“I’m so glad you’re here.” Owen says when he opens the door for Carlos and Nancy. “I should’ve never let him come back here in the first place, but I was worried what would happen if I let him out of my sight.” He stops for a second. “Turns out he’s not much safer with me anyways.”
“It’s not your fault, Owen.” Carlos tries to assure him. He wants to barge in and go straight for TK, but his manners stop him. “You did what you thought was right.”
“Yea, I seem to keep getting that wrong though.” Owen says, as he moves to the side to let them in. “He’s in your room.”
Something strange twists in Carlos’ chest at that statement. After spending a while on the ranch after the fire, he and TK had moved in with Owen when they went back to work because it was closer. With Mateo occupying TK’s original room, they’d moved into a guest room upstairs. The last time they’d shared a bed, it was in this house. The last time Carlos was here was to retrieve his stuff to move into the loft. Alone. TK wasn’t home when Carlos came, but he’d planned that on purpose. He’d been terrified to see him then.
He’s still a little terrified, but he pushes past it as he leaves Owen and Nancy downstairs and heads up to the bedroom.
The house is absolutely freezing, Nancy wasn’t lying, and when Carlos opens the bedroom door he’s greeted with an alarmingly large lump of blankets on the bed.
TK is facing away from him, and he either doesn’t hear Carlos enter or chooses not to say anything. He’s curled up on what was Carlos’ side of the bed, clutching the pillow close.
Carlos walks around to that side of the bed and sits on the edge gently. He can see TK’s face now, and it’s nowhere near relaxed enough to actually be sleeping.
“TK.” Carlos says. He watches as the man's entire body tenses, but he doesn’t open his eyes. Carlos assumes that TK thought the person entering his room was just another one of their friends or his father, trying to convince him to go to Paul’s again. He doesn’t say anything either.
“Baby.” Carlos tries. A sob bursts out of TK so violently it immediately sends him into a coughing fit that sounds rough and painful. He curls forward on the bed, his whole body convulsing with the force of it. Carlos reaches out and runs a hand along his now uncovered back. “Shh, sweetheart, shh, you’re okay. Just breathe.”
The coughing stops, but TK continues to sob. Carlos has to give in, shuffling forward to gather TK into his arms and hold him close. TK latches on without hesitation, throwing his arms around Carlos’ neck and burying his head into his shoulder.
His hands are way too cold for someone who's been buried under a pile of blankets for two days straight. Carlos reaches out and drags the grey blanket out of the pile, the one he knows is TK’s favourite. He drapes it around TK as best he can while still holding him close.
“You came back.” TK sobs. Carlos’ heart breaks again, which he didn’t think was possible. How he ever thought avoiding TK was the solution to their issues is beyond him.
“I’m sorry I didn’t come sooner.” Carlos whispers.
“All that matters is that you’re here now.” TK says, clutching at Carlos even tighter. And that’s it for Carlos. He left this man when he was literally recovering from a hypothermia induced coma that brought him to the brink of death, and TK has just forgiven him like it was nothing. He can’t let him go.
They need to talk about this. They need to have at least twelve conversations about everything that’s happened.
But first, they need to get TK out of this house. Despite Carlos’ body heat and the blanket, he’s shaking like a leaf.
“Baby, you can’t stay here.” Carlos says. “You’re not recovering well and you’re going to get sick.”
“Didn’t want to move.”
“I know, but it’s not safe for you here right now.” Carlos tells him. “Will you come with me?”
“Anywhere.”
Carlos’ heart nearly explodes.
However, he keeps holding on to TK, leaning away the littlest bit to take off the hoodie he’s wearing. He peels the blanket off TK and forces him to also loosen his grip enough for Carlos to put the hoodie on to him. He manages to grab a pair of TK’s shoes from nearby and slide them on his feet, before wrapping the blanket around him again.
They try to stand, TK holding on to Carlos tight, but his knees buckle as soon as he’s somewhat upright. Carlos catches him around the waist and doesn’t hesitate in just leaning down and scooping an arm behind his legs, lifting him into his arms.
Normal TK would complain or make a dirty joke right now. This TK just wraps his arms around Carlos’ neck again and holds on.
Carlos makes it down the stairs without tripping or hurting TK. When they reach the main floor, Nancy hurries to open the door for them as Owen grabs a bag that was waiting on the counter. He follows them out to the Camaro and opens the car door so Carlos can deposit TK in the passenger seat. The other man whines when Carlos pulls away from him, but is already on the brink of passing out from exhaustion again, so he doesn’t actually put up much of a fight. Carlos adjusts the blanket to be draped over him again and holds one of TK’s hands as he turns back to Owen, who hands him the bag.
“His meds, his care plan, his hot water bottle and the protein drinks the doctor recommended.” Owen explains. “Plus clothes, mostly just pyjamas, and toiletries.”
“Thank you, sir.” Carlos says.
“No, thank you , Carlos.” Owen says, reaching out and placing a strong hand on his shoulder. “For coming to get him.”
“I should’ve been here sooner.” Carlos admits quietly, still ashamed at his reaction.
“And I should’ve been there when he was on a ventilator, getting worse by the minute. I should’ve never let him come back to the house in this state.” Owen replies. “Sometimes we make mistakes, even if we convince ourselves it’s the right thing to do at the moment. What matters is you’re here now, and he’s going to get better because of that.”
Carlos smiles, unable to help himself.
“So,” Owen says. “Are you taking him back to your place?”
“No.” Carlos admits. “That’s not how I want him to see it for the first time. I’m going to take him out to my parent’s ranch. Let my mom dote on him. She’ll handle all the cooking and cleaning, despite my objections and offers to help, and I can give TK my undivided attention instead.”
“Sounds like a solid plan.” Owen agrees. He leans in to give Carlos a hug. “Take care of my boy, Carlos.”
“I promise I will.”
- - -
TK is asleep before they even leave the street Owen lives on, but he’s still holding Carlos’ hand.