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Despite the initial uncertainty of everything, Sirius had determined that this would be the best Christmas ever. He and Harry spent the better part of the next two days decorating the whole house, which had gotten everyone else involved, too.
After the house was decorated, Sirius spent nearly every minute he could with Harry. He taught him the wizarding Christmas songs (both to play on the piano and to be sung), told him about some of their traditions (like opening a present on Christmas Eve or playing the piano as it nears midnight), and eager to make the most of this time with him, he’d given him one of his Christmas presents early: A photo album.
The album had every picture that Sirius could scrounge up, which was a lot considering that he practically lived with James and Lily whenever he didn’t have an Order mission that took him away and included all of the letters he could find between the three of them (including the ones when they were in school and opting to leave out the ones that included any mentions of their sexual relationship – Harry didn’t need to see those). They’d taken loads of pictures because they didn’t have much else to do, which means he’s very happy for now because it means he could delight Harry with the stories behind the pictures.
Harry’s clearly thrilled getting every story he can behind each picture as they sit in the sitting room going over it and determinedly ignoring the Order members, who don’t seem happy about them spending time together. Sirius doesn’t care about their opinions, so he just keeps going – smiling down at his kid and enjoying their first holiday together.
“Oh, is that me on a broom?” Harry asks as he flips to the next page, which shows Harry’s first birthday.
“It is,” Sirius smiles, ignoring Molly about to give him bollocks for something he did fourteen years previously (especially when his kid’s other parents loved it). “I bought you a child’s broom for your birthday, figured that you’d be the natural you obviously are – I sadly didn’t get to be there, but I had to get your favorite present.”
Harry laughs, “How’d you know it was my favorite?”
“Because I know my kid, but also, your mother wrote me this letter,” Sirius states, pointing at the next page. “As much as I loved the letters, I thought you might enjoy them, too. Ones that didn’t go with the photos are in another album.”
Sirius had utterly spoiled Harry this holiday (with the sheer number of gifts he’d put together/bought for him), but given the hell he’s been through, he deserves a little spoiling.
Harry’s focused on reading the letter and doesn’t appear to hear him. He traces the letter g in the letters, “She makes – made her g’s like mine.”
“Hmm-mm,” Sirius hums. “You have many similarities to your mum, but you’re definitely your own person.”
He chuckles, quietly. “She sounds like she truly loves you, too. Not just dad. Asking you to come visit and all because they miss you, telling you about how much she and I loved the baby broom, sending you the photo... it seems like she really cares for you.”
Sirius can tell that Harry’s obviously got questions but doesn’t want to come right out and ask. He understands.
“She does – did,” Sirius states. Somehow, he hasn’t touched on the friendship between him and Lily since first year because they spend most of their conversations talking about issues Harry’s facing at school. He should really try to fit in more stories about James and Lily, obviously that is what Harry’s most interested in. He smiles, “Lily and I had a unique friendship. Everyone thought she just put up with me because of James, but I’d actually been friends with her first as we’d been sort of secret friends since first year…”
“Secret friends?” Harry questions, slightly teasing. “How’s that work?”
Sirius clears his throat. “Well, you know that my biological family wasn’t the greatest, they were real upset that I sorted into Gryffindor, and my brother, Regulus, had written to me about the disappointment I was – how I wasn’t his brother, not really. And you know Petunia…”
“She did the same to mum?” Harry questions, looking upset, and he can see Molly opening her mouth to intervene so Sirius rushes to explain a bit.
“I don’t tell you this to upset you, I just wanted to explain the background of it.”
Harry nods. “Of course. I know that. So…”
“So, anyway, it’s in the first few weeks of school, and I got the letter – your dad and I were always close – had gotten on together since we met on the train ride there –, but I wasn’t really ready to share it with him, what if he decided I wasn’t worth it?” Sirius questions and is dismayed when Harry nods in understanding. “Well, anyway, I snuck downstairs to the common room to be alone and wallow a bit … and Lily was there, doing the same.”
“I guess she was afraid to tell anyone just yet?” Harry asks, knowingly. “Being new to school and uncertain, like you.”
“Hmm-mm, your mother and I had a lot in common.” Particularly their interest in a mate, Sirius thinks with a smile. “She might’ve told her best friend if he wasn’t dismissive of muggles,” Sirius states, leaving out naming her best friend. He didn’t want to get into the Snape of it all. It would only make their animosity and his treatment of Harry worse. Harry’s better off not knowing that Snape and Lily had been best friends for a time. “But er, yeah, that was it. We ended up talking about it – she’d been unsure because of the reputation of being a Black, but I assured her that I was always different. So, eventually, we talked, and it helped. Because of other factors, we decided that we wouldn’t talk about it outside of the nights we got together, which was about twice a week for the first couple of years of school.”
“So, you knew her as well as you did Dad?” Harry asks, curiously. “How come you never mentioned it?”
“Oh, well, I haven’t had much time to really talk about your parents, but I like to think I knew them both very well – I spent just as much time with Lily as I did James,” Sirius smiles. “We spent a lot of time together in those first few years talking about families and how hard things can be to be different from your family. She struggled being in a world that she couldn’t even show her parents or sister and I struggled with all of their nasty beliefs. None of it made sense to me. We used our struggles to support one another. She taught me all about the muggle world and I told her all about the wizarding world – things that many purebloods take advantage of knowing, but don’t worry about sharing with everyone else.”
“Things you’ll tell me?”
“Of course,” Sirius smiles. “But back to your mother – you know she taught me how to drive?”
“No! She did? Will you teach me?” Harry questions, excitedly. “I always wondered how you could’ve learned how to ride your motorbike.”
Sirius laughs, “Yeah, she did and yes, of course, someday I will – I always wanted the bike, I’d always been interested in muggle travel, sometimes it’s just better – there was just something freeing about riding a bike according to everything I’d seen – so, I was determined – I found a bike and I wanted it and er, your Potter grandparents wanted to buy it for me as an end of schooling present, but they didn’t want to buy it if I couldn’t actually use it. Since they didn’t know how to drive, they had been spit balling ideas when Lily offered to teach me. So, they gave it to me when we got home after we finished Hogwarts and told me that it came with a caveat that I didn’t drive it until Lily had deemed me competent enough to get a license and had taken me to get that license.”
Harry laughs, “How long did that take you?”
“Far too long for my liking – she kept telling me that I had to be absolutely perfect because of how easily the worst could happen – she was always particular about certain things, driving was one of them –, but eventually, she caved, and I got my license just before your parents married in December of ’79. She was my first passenger on the bike.”
Sirius grins at the memory. The two of them spent a lot of time working on teaching Sirius to drive and he loved every minute of it (especially because sometimes James was put out that neither of his partners – later, fiancées were spending that time with him).
“Did I ever ride the bike?” Harry asks, eyes wide with wonder and curiosity.
“You did. Whenever you couldn’t sleep, we’d bundled you up and take you for a drive – eventually ending in the sky. Seems that flying always helps relaxing you,” Sirius smiles. He nudges Harry, and teases, “Explains your love for it – I remember when you told me it helped make your worries fly away, even against a dragon.”
“Yeah, I could’ve completely forgotten about the tournament or the dragon in that moment – it felt so great to fly.” Harry smiles, wistfully. “It felt so great – I should’ve done it without practice just to enjoy flying on my own. It always feels so freeing especially the first time after spending so long…” he stops, and it’s clear that whatever he’s thinking of he doesn’t want to say out loud.
Given what he knows about Petunia, and the fact that Harry had plainly stated that the room that he lives in at the Dursleys is Dudley’s second bedroom, he’s sure that he doesn’t want to know lest he lose his control and goes to kill them.
“Yeah, I had no idea with that gigantic letter you sent,” Sirius teases, trying to focus on the pleasant part of the discussion.
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist,” Harry blushes. “I just – I wanted you to be proud, but I – I wasn’t trying to make it that long…”
“I was proud, kid.” Sirius laughs, “And I loved it – I wish you’d done the same with that first letter after you found out about the tournament, maybe then you wouldn’t have spent an hour practically ranting that night I stuck my head in the fire to check on you – not that I minded. I love you a lot and I’d gladly read any length of letter you’d like to send me or listen to you rant for as long as you need me to. Unfortunately, right now, we can’t, but I did enjoy it, even if I had seen it for myself.”
“You – you what? You didn’t tell me that,” Harry states, surprised. “You were there? You could have – I could have talked to you – I could have –”
There’re so many things that they could’ve done had Harry known that Sirius had been on the grounds, but Sirius had very valid concerns regarding Harry’s reaction to Sirius’ presence during the tasks given that letter that he received when he told him that he was headed North immediately. Harry would’ve freaked out and demanded that Sirius leave.
“Well, your immediate reaction when I told you that I was heading back was to try and tell me (which failed because I know my kid) that you imagined your scar hurting and that I shouldn’t waste my time coming back,” Sirius states, giving Harry a look. “I wasn’t about to worry you any more than you already were.”
His kid looks embarrassed, “I didn’t want to lose you. You could’ve been caught, and it would’ve been my fault.”
“It would not have been your fault – it would’ve been mine – it was a calculated risk, and I took it,” Sirius states, sternly. “Still, you were so worried when I appeared in the fire that I didn’t want to worry you more by telling you that I was actually on the grounds watching. As much as I was dying to talk to you about it, I just – I thought it was better that you weren’t any more worried about me than you already were. You had much bigger concerns to be focused on.”
“I could’ve gotten over it,” Harry counters, still clearly upset. “It would’ve been nice to have support from an adult that didn’t think I cheated my way into the tournament.”
Sirius nods, “I know – and I battled back and forth with telling you…”
“But you didn’t,” Harry states. Then frowns, “Why did you risk it? It’s one thing to be in that cave in Hogsmeade, it’s another to be on the grounds with all those Ministry officials…”
“Like I said – I weighed the odds on the risk. It was worth it.”
“If something had happened…”
“You didn’t think I’d wait for a letter to determine that you were safe, did you?” Sirius questions. The idea absurd to him. “I just couldn’t wait and wonder – I had to be there. I would’ve gone crazy…”
“Would have?” Harry teases, evidently not as upset that Sirius was on the grounds to support him for the tasks. Maybe he figures it doesn’t matter now since Sirius evidently made it work and wasn’t caught.
“Oi!”
“Just kidding,” Harry grins. “It is kind of nice thinking about you being there for me. Since you’re the only adult that tried to help me – the only one that believed me and supported me.” Harry’s so focused on him that he doesn’t notice the looks the adults in the room are giving him. Guilty looks. Apparently, they’re only just now realizing how badly they screwed up regarding the tournament. “I kind of wish that I’d known, but I get it – I likely would’ve spent the time worrying about you instead of focusing on what I had to do. Were you there for all of them?”
“Of course. Like I said, I wasn’t going to wait for a letter – the others would’ve been dreadfully boring if I wasn’t completely stressing about you making it through them safely,” Sirius states. Those tasks had been awful days, worrying about Harry’s potentially deadly task and hoping he’d survive. “Especially that second one – first, you were nearly late, you looked like a right mess and then you were down there for so long – I didn’t know if you could swim – I thought you drowned –”
Harry flushes, again. “I shouldn’t have taken the clue seriously, but I was already forced into a deadly competition and with – well, it’s just, I don’t exactly –” trust the adults to keep things safe. He doesn’t say the words but given the stories this year of Hogwarts that he’s told Sirius, he completely understands.
“Yeah, well, I think it made sense. If it’d been anyone else in that situation where they had their two best friends and the girl who’d be their girlfriend as underwater hostages and being held back, exhausted in a deadly tournament – I’m not surprised that you believed it. Anyone in your position would have. Besides, it was a deadly, adult tournament that you didn’t want to be in that was once ended due to the death toll that got too high. It’s only logical that the stakes were real.”
He’s relieved by Harry’s slight smile. It tells him that Harry seems to feel better about his ‘being a prat’ thanks to Sirius’ words. A quick glance around could see Hermione and Ron looking guilty for their comments that lead to Harry believe he’d been a stupid prat for believing the egg clue. “Besides, you weren’t even the only one to believe it – Fleur clearly believed it, too. As did most of the audience.”
He leaves out that Percy as a judge had clearly believed it judging by his wading into the water to help Ron and clears his throat.
“Still, I was relieved when you resurfaced,” he finishes turning back to Harry. “And I was proud of you for what you did. It shows a lot about you that you didn’t just take your hostage and leave when the other two that made it to the hostages just cared about their own despite seeing you literally held back for trying to rescue more than just yours.” He could see the frown at the slight dig at Krum and Cedric and says, “Anyway, you made it through, and I could’ve honestly gone running into the lake the way – someone else did – if I wasn’t worried about being caught.”
Sirius gives him a little side hug, and he can see the effect of his words on Harry. He looks like he feels a thousand percent better about the situation.
“Yeah, I was just glad it was over, I didn’t really want to win just wanted to show up the arses that gave me such utter bollocks before the first task,” Harry sighs.
“Well, you certainly did,” Sirius says, smiling.
“You know, far too late for it to work, I considered asking you for advice on becoming an Animagus so I could be a frog or something…” Harry jokes.
Sirius laughs, “I don’t think you would’ve had time, and I doubt you’d be a frog…”
“I know, obviously. Besides, I don’t think being a frog would’ve helped me get Ron and Fleur’s sister out of the lake.”
“That’s also true, but I also think you have no chance of being a frog,” Sirius states.
“Oh? Why not?” Harry asks, curiously. “Is that not an option?”
“Any animal is an option,” Sirius offers. Then he flips a few pages to the photos that Lily and James had taken of baby Harry playing on Padfoot and turning into a mini-Padfoot. “But I’m partial to thinking that you’d be a little bit more like this.”
Harry looks down at the page with wide eyes, “I – is that really me?”
“Of course it is,” Sirius laughs. “Who else would it be?”
Harry rolls his eyes at his little joke.
“How’d I even do that?” Harry questions, surprised, taking in the photos.
“We don’t know, but it happened almost every time that I played with you like that, which was often to say the least,” Sirius smiles. He always loved that his kid became a mini-padfoot over a mini-prongs, but he also loved that Harry always wanted to play with him, too. “Once you started talking whenever you’d see me, you’d yell ‘Pa’foo, Puppy!’ because you always wanted to play with me as Padfoot.” Harry laughs and Sirius continues, “Your dad freaked out pretty regularly about it, but managed to figure out how to fix you pretty quickly after the first time, so Lily and I were only freaked out the first time… James… well, as I said… he tended to be the worrier.”
Harry looks up at him a little in awe, “Exactly how many times did I spontaneously turn into a mini-Padfoot?”
Sirius laughs, “We lost count, but enough that we gave you a name.”
“You didn’t!”
“We did – ironically it’s the one I gave you to call me last year instead of Padfoot.” At Harry’s incredulous look, he adds, “What? You didn’t think I’d actually give myself a name like that, it’s rather embarrassing – it fit baby/puppy you a lot better.”
Harry’s laughing, “I can’t believe that you gave me that name – it’s like … so embarrassing.”
“You were a baby, you couldn’t be embarrassed, besides it’s a parents’ job to embarrass you.”
“Yeah, okay. Sure, it is,” Harry says, rolling his eyes. “So, does this mean I’d be like Padfoot if I tried?”
Sirius smiles, “As much as I’d love that, I don’t know. There’s every chance that you’d be like Prongs given your patronus, and there’s no studies on a baby doing it and then, again, later in life. We always thought you were just trying to mimic me rather than be a dog yourself. As a baby, you didn’t exactly have much of a personality.”
“Hmm-mm, I think I’d like to be more like Padfoot than Prongs, ‘cause dogs are easier to pretend to be strays like you do – there’s no stray deer running around,” Harry offers.
“No, there definitely aren’t, and I do like my form for that reason. Easy to hide and be … I don’t know, playful, I guess. You loved playing with me whenever you could, whether it was fetch, or climbing all over me…”
Harry smiles, “Did I ever play with dad like that?”
“Well, we tried, but Prongs is much bigger and has pointy antlers, so it wasn’t safe for a baby to be around and you much preferred doggy time anyway,” Sirius teases. “At first, your dad was a bit jealous about it – wishing that you wanted to be like him or could play with Prongs like you could with Padfoot, but then he realized the benefits…” like not having to do it all the time and getting to laugh at Sirius’ predicament.
“Like not being exhausted after having to play with me?” Harry asks, flipping through several pages of he and Sirius as Padfoot clearly playing together while James and Lily laugh from the couch. They had taken turns with the camera and every so often appeared in photos with the two of them. He stops at the photo of Padfoot and Snuffles curled up together. “I appear to have tired you out a lot.”
Sirius laughs, “Yeah, it was exhausting, but worth it. Hearing baby you cheer for your favorite puppy always brought a smile to our faces.”
Harry smiles, “Guess I did that a lot, huh?”
“You did. There weren’t many options to entertain you stuck in the house, so that and the broom were your favorites.”
Harry’s quiet for a few minutes, flipping through the album, which had started at the latest pictures and went backward in time. He stops when he sees a photo of James with antlers. “Er, what’s this?”
“That is what happens when you aren’t focused enough on the transformation,” Sirius laughs at the memory. James with antlers – playing games and pretending it was a prank gone wrong. It was worth the detention just as long as they weren’t found out. “James had been trying to transform and we were still quite new to it. He got distracted and couldn’t figure out a way to either become Prongs or lose the antlers.”
“So, what happened?”
“Well, we finally figured out how to fix it about three weeks later. In the meantime, we – er – lied and told everyone I hexed him to be like a reindeer for the holidays and couldn’t figure out the counter curse.”
Harry stifles a laugh, “He walked around school with antlers for three weeks?”
“He did – he had no other choice. We made a joke out of it – in fact, we started a game where people would throw rings on him trying to get them on his antlers, unfortunately, he got hit in the face a lot, which was funny to the rest of us. Not to say that we didn’t spend every possible minute trying to fix him, it just – we made the most out of it. At least it was the only time it happened to him, he didn’t laugh much, but he thought it was a lot funnier when it happened to me.” Sirius points to the next page where he’s got dog ears and a tail. “Mine was easier to hide, but definitely just as embarrassing with all of the dog jokes that followed me around.”
Harry laughs, “I bet it was easier to sleep with a tail and ears than antlers.”
“I’ll give you that – it was a lot easier on me than him. Still, it reminded us that we were messing around with things we shouldn’t have – so even if you had asked, I would’ve said no.”
Sirius is mildly nervous about Harry’s response to this given that it’s the first time he’s ever told Harry couldn’t have something that he wants, aside from the incident with coming to Grimmauld Place for the holidays.
Harry frowns, “But I could’ve had guidance from you.”
“Yes, but you’re much too young – we got lucky that we managed to fix it.”
“You were the same age and – and you could fix me if I tried…” Harry continues to argue. He’d be making good points if it wasn’t for the fact that Sirius knows how dangerous it is and that they had all agreed to making Harry wait until he’s of age. He wouldn’t go back on what all of his parents had agreed on.
Sirius gives him a look. “You’re not allowed to even try until you’re of age.”
“What?!” Harry asks, clearly angry. “But you just said that you could help me.”
“Except that I can’t help you from here and it’s better to wait.”
“But I – I practically did it as a baby.”
“Yes, you did, and we’re terribly happy about that.”
“But you said…”
“Harry, kid, listen to me,” Sirius states, giving him a stern look. “It’s not that I’m worried that you won’t be able to do it. It’s just that even with spontaneous animal transfiguration as a baby, which yes, James was able to fix, we discussed it then, and agreed that we wouldn’t allow you to attempt the transformation before you’re seventeen. We got lucky that it worked out, but I’m not risking something happening to you for no reason, not after everything you’ve been through. You can attempt to do it when you became an adult – it’s only a year and a half. I’m sure you can wait.”
Harry sighs, clearly still upset, “Fine.”
Sirius sighs, “I didn’t even realize you wanted to learn.”
“Well, I just – you and dad could do it; I didn’t see any reason I couldn’t try, especially given …” he flips through the pages to him as Snuffles. “… this.”
Sirius nods, “I understand. I just… we already agreed, it’ll just have to wait.”
“I guess,” Harry shrugs, clearly disappointed.
Had he been planning to ask Sirius to teach him over the break? Sirius wonders. Not that it matters, he would follow their wishes and postpone any Animagus training until Harry’s of age. Maybe he could make him feel better by at least giving Harry their Animagus journals.
“I will, however, give you these –” he pulls out some journals that he and James had written in that discussed the transformation and the process to finding their inner animals. “– if you promise to wait until you’re of age to attempt it.”
Harry lights up at something from his dad, “Yeah, I promise. I won’t attempt it without you.”
“Good, kid. Then they are yours.”
Harry smiles, accepting them. “You know, these are probably my favorite presents I’ve ever gotten. They’re the best – the photos, the letters, the journals, the stories, the room… I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Well, lucky for you, you don’t have to worry about that because I’m not going anywhere,” Sirius smiles, ruffling his hair.
“Good.”
***
They had continued to talk when some of the other kids had expressed interest in reading the letters and stuff, it was clear that it made Harry uncomfortable to have his privacy invaded. Most likely because he rarely ever gets personal items from his parents. Given what he knows about Harry’s recent privacy issues, Sirius decides to give Harry the privacy he wants and needs by going to Harry’s new room.
“Why don’t you go upstairs to the privacy of your room, and I’ll bring us up some hot chocolate?” he offers since Harry’s new bedroom is on Sirius’ floor and no one could get up there without the express permission of either Harry or Sirius.
Harry looks grateful, nods, and takes his things upstairs, while Sirius goes down to the kitchen. He begins making the hot chocolate but doesn’t fail to notice that he was followed into the kitchen by Molly. He chooses to ignore her, but he knows that it won’t last forever as eventually he’ll have to turn around to take the hot chocolate upstairs.
“I’m sorry,” she says, jarring his attention to her.
“For what?” Sirius questions, although he could think of many reasons that Molly should be sorry for regarding him. She had already apologized for some things, and he had, too, but there were others.
“For not realizing all of what you’d done for Harry last year,” Molly states. “For not realizing that you know a lot more about Harry than I do – that you are parent material for him.”
“I see – well, you’re not the only one, so it’s okay.”
Of course, it’s not okay, not to him, not to Harry, but there was nothing that he could do about it. He had no choice but to accept the apology, just like he’d done when the twins offered their half-arsed apologies. He’d told them that they owed Harry an apology more than him, and at least, according to Remus, they had followed through with it.
“It’s not – it’s not okay,” Molly offers. “I – I tried to take away your kid and that’s not okay. Harry is yours and I shouldn’t have overstepped.”
Sirius turns to look at her, and seeing that she’s genuine, says, “Thank you, I appreciate that. Harry has been my kid since before he was born, and it’s nice for someone else to realize that.”
“I just – I care about him, too.”
“I know, and I appreciate that, really, I do. He told me about the jumpers and fruit cake, and that’s nice and all. It’s just not the same as actually being his parent – which is okay, you’ve got enough kids to worry about,” Sirius offers.
“And I should let Harry be yours,” Molly finishes for him. “That’s fair. Still, I just – came to say that and that I’m sorry I wasn’t there for Harry last year. I’m sorry that I believed that he chose to be in the tournament. I’m sorry that I didn’t fight with Charlie or Arthur to tell him about the dragons. I’m sorry that I didn’t write to him, that I only showed up before the third task because of Dumbledore… I’m just I’m sorry. I haven’t been any better this year and I am sorry for that, too.”
“Thank you. I am sure he’ll appreciate that; I’ll be sure to tell him.” He smiles. “And I want you to know that neither of us would ever expect you to be there for him, and it’s okay, if you do want to try to support him – I won’t stop you, but I would appreciate the support here. If you really mean that – it’d be nice to have some support.”
He’s not expecting anything from her, but he hopes that slowly, his voice will start to get heard.
Molly nods, “I’ll do my best.”
“Thank you.” He grabs the hot chocolate now separated into two mugs. “I’ll be going upstairs with my kid now, feel free to let me know if you all need anything and if you need to be with Arthur, I can happily take care of the kids.”
Molly smiles, “Thank you.”
As he walks away, all he could think was that it was a nice present for at least someone to realize that he is Harry’s parent, and they shouldn’t be stepping on his toes. For it to be Molly? That was the best present of all.