Chapter Text
Alcohol, it was likely the only thing that got him through these upcoming holidays. Harry had never liked them as a child and it wasn’t lost on him that he didn’t like them as an adult. In his preteen and teen years he had rather enjoyed them. It was good to be surrounded by family and friends.
Only, now, looking around the Black library he knew that he was only surrounded by ghosts. Ghosts of the Black family and ghosts of the ones who once loved him. And Hermione, of course, who was being the epitome of Hermione by currently sorting through books.
Everyone else had seemed to move forward, except maybe Hermione, but she was faring better than he. After the dust had settled he had assumed that falling back into place with Ginny and the Weasley’s would be as easy as breathing, but it wasn’t. In fact it was so difficult that he had rejected their offer for the Holidays. He didn’t know how he ever did it to be honest.
They had tried so hard to date again after… everything. Ginny was angry about Fred’s passing, reasonably so, but she was also angry about being kept from the fight when the fight had been AT Hogwarts all year. He wasn’t even sure he knew what that meant. He never knew what any of the stuff she talked about meant and she didn’t know what he talked about either. That year apart they had been such worlds apart.
At first she had fully understood the empty feeling and the loss he was struggling to identify. When the Horcrux had first been destroyed he had been so overjoyed and relief but then something happened during the trials. The relief vanished and he felt like something was wrong, as if he was missing a vital part of him. It had taken some time for him to identify the loss and even longer to finally open up to Ginny, which he had done while pissed off his ass.
She had been supportive and confided in him how she had felt that way after the diary had been destroyed. It was the moment he thought they really could get through it. He truly believed it was something they could bond over, until it was the thing that drove them apart. She was angry that he wasn’t miraculously feeling better even after years. It wasn’t a lack of effort on his end, he swore it was more complicated than that.
Yet, he didn’t know how to continue breathing some days. It was as if a critical part of him had been destroyed with the bloody Horcrux. It wasn’t even Voldemort that was the problem, it was the whole, he felt alone, truly alone in a way he had never realized he never was. When he had been locked in the cupboard he had never felt this alone. When he was scared that his uncle would get in his face and yell some more he had never felt like he was alone.
Thus, eventually what had looked like a saving grace for him and Ginny had become a point of contention. He wished he could have taken back that stupid night that he had told her anything. Then it would have been fine, he could have hidden it away like he had to from Ron. Which was another thing that was just grating him. WHAT THE FUCK WAS WRONG WITH RON? Why was everything a competition about how famous they were.
They wanted to plaster Harry’s face all over chocolate frogs and he said no, now Ron was angry because they would only make one for Ron if Harry agreed and he didn’t. He didn’t want to be the Merlin damned boy who lived twice bull shit. He didn’t want to be famous, he never had and yet that is all Ron wanted. To outshine his brothers like some type of competition and to be perfectly honest it sucked. He had never realized how annoying it was that his best mate was so insecure, made worse because Ron had literally no reason to be insecure. He was fucking awesome, if he ever took a moment to look at himself.
Yet Ron only wanted to look at how he compared to others and Harry lacked the patience for that entire bull shit. So now he was practically avoiding all the Weasley’s at all cost because not only was he not dating their daughter anymore but now he was on the outs with Ron, for what felt like the millionth time in their friendship. How was it that he was essentially friends with the kid for nearly half his life and yet he always felt like they were on the outs for a good portion of it. It was wearing on him in ways that just didn’t make sense anymore.
Hermione on the other hand was as brilliant as ever but struggling even now while she did one of her favorite past times. “I want to get this done by the new year,” she mused to more to herself than him, he was sure.
“I feel as though this room is a never ending graveyard of forgotten books.”
Hermione gasped as she shot him a scandalized look, “They are not a graveyard, Harry. They were simply left to collect dust, besides some of them I will be shipping to Draco,” she explained with an eye roll.
“Oh, Draco is he? And how does our dear Ron feel about that?” He asked curiously as he grabbed a random book about holiday rites and rituals, which knowing purebloods was bound to be dark.
Hermione simply huffed in response as she continued to filter through the books. It had been an interesting alliance between her and the Malfoy heir. Ever since he had given testimony to free the Malfoy’s from a lifetime in prison, Draco seemed to be hell bent on proving he was worth saving. That meant debating EVERYTHING with Hermione.
It was rather beneficial really, Hermione was able to get a better look into the lives of purebloods whom she was fighting against with S.P.E.W. and other equality projects. She was a woman on a mission and had been her sole focus upon finding out that the healers of St. Mungo’s could not or would not restore her parents memories. She was making it count for something.
It was their status quo he supposed, she and Draco were trying to make it worth something. Of course this had lead to even further complication with Ron’s complex. Something that seemed to alienate Hermione from the Weasley’s save Ginny. Honestly, if Harry weren’t avoiding Ginny then she would be here helping with the library and getting drunk. She could always outdrink him. If there was one thing he truly missed about Ginny it was her friendship.
“So, Ron, then?” He asked flipping through his book and peering at Christmas traditions.
Hermioned practically threw down the book she was holding, a rather violent action for a bibliophile such as herself, before stomping over and taking a swig of the moscato he was currently nursing. Letting out a protest, he helplessly watched as she downed the rest of the bottle.
“Was I under the impression that he and I would be an item after the final battle, yes. However, I have no use entangling my romantic affairs with someone so convinced that I am secretly hoping to elevate my monetary status. Unlike Ronald, I do not suffer from such needs. My life does not revovle around my financial status. Besides Draco is already courting someone, approved by his parents even,” she commented before pausing. “Although I admit, they are rather desperate for good standing.”
He couldn’t help but raise a brow at the revelation, “Anyone we know?” It was curious that Draco could find someone who wanted to go out with him, from what he gathered the Malfoy family had been dragged in such a way that they had paid a lot of money as a form of reparation. In fact he was pretty sure they had cleared out the Lestrange’s vault and estates and donated it all to rebuilding and education reform. It had certainly saved them a lot more than it cost in terms of good faith, but still, he couldn’t think of a pureblood family who would want to risk tainting their own status.
“She was supposed to tell you Harry…” she began as she sighed, “Ginny accepted the courtship. It’s not public yet, but-”
“It’s fine,” he nearly snapped. “I get it, Ginny and I broke up six months ago, she can date whoever she wants. She always has someone waiting for her anyways. She’s always been popular and well, you may not be motivated by money, but Ginny isn’t you.”
“That isn’t fair! She isn’t Ron!”
“I never said she was!” He snapped back as he took a deep breath, “I simply meant, GInny once told me her family was in some debt and that she had heard them fighting once upon a time about whether or not to arrange a courtship. Arthur didn’t want to arrange one as he didn’t like the idea of her not having a say and Molly didn’t either… it’s why Bill went abroad for Gringrott’s, he was able to send more money home.”
Hermione looked back at him in shock before shaking it off, “I wasn’t aware you knew that. Look, I am going to head to bed, you ought to do the same. I love you Harry,” she added as she kissed his forehead.
“I love you too, I don’t know what I would do without you,” he murmured as he watched her depart. Living with Hermione was an experience unlike any other he had prior. She was like a sibling who cared for him but most importantly she was Hermione. They were both broken in ways that couldn’t be complete ever again and that made them the perfect family.