Work Text:
Rain is millions of tiny speech bubbles unused
The collected breaths of mutes
And all our silent exhalations
Where we should've put words
Or words we had no one to tell
Emptied from clouds like clearing horns spit valves
Coming back to us now
To remind us what we meant to say
Or that we meant to say something
Okkotsu Yuuta woke up to the sound of rain hammering on the roof.
He padded barefoot across the room to the window and gazed out at the bleary gray day. He scowled as the raindrops hit the pane of glass and streaked down. He imagined each drop carrying away the plans he made in his head, the words he meant to say, as they disappeared behind the windowsill.
Since Rika’s accident he felt like his plans never worked out, for one reason or another. The first, of course, being their wedding. A childish fantasy, yes, that likely wouldn’t have happened if she had survived anyway, but still, a drop in the bucket of things he has failed to do or say.
He had meant to make more friends, after that. Talk to his classmates, carry on Rika’s legacy of kindness. That hadn’t worked out, either. He had been shy and awkward, and ended up getting bullied. He certainly hadn’t meant to sic Rika on his classmates, but she had sprung to his defense every time. Seems her kind heart for others had died with her, leaving only her love for Yuuta, rage, and an immense amount of cursed energy.
Today, the rain washed away his plans to meet up with Inumaki to spar on the field. He didn’t usually spar with the cursed speech user, their fighting styles weren’t really made for each other. Inumaki was quick and mostly dodged, fighting with his words from a safe distance. Yuuta, however, preferred to get up close, fighting with his katana. The two usually ended up in a stalemate, working better as a team than as opponents, but Yuuta used that as an excuse for why they should actually spar more frequently.
Truthfully, he just wanted to spend more time with Inumaki. He was always looking to spend more time with him, especially since returning from Africa a few weeks earlier. Before his time away the boys had been best friends, spending almost all their free time together. While they’d remained friends while he was away, texting each other whenever they could, having conversations when the time difference allowed it, it seemed like there was something in the way of their friendship now that he was back. Yuuta knew what it was on his end, and he really wanted to talk to Inumaki about it. They’d only really seen each other in groups since he’d been back, so he was planning on using the sparring today as an excuse to talk to him alone.
He could see the practice field from his bedroom window. The cloudy sky reflected off the waterlogged grass. It looked flooded already. He was supposed to meet Inumaki there in about 2 hours, he wondered if the track surrounding the field would also be underwater by then.
So much for that plan, then. He debated going back to sleep, before resolving to get dressed and go find coffee in the common room.
~
He walked into the common room only to get the sinking feeling in his stomach that told him that everyone in the room had just been talking about him. He felt that a lot recently, no matter what room he was walking into. He figured some of it was paranoia, but a lot of the feeling was founded in reality. When he walked into a room of higher ups, he knew they’d been discussing whether or not it was safe to allow him to be back in Japan, under Gojo’s influence. With his classmates, the first and second years were reasonably curious about the special-grade third year who had just seemingly appeared out of thin air.
He smiled awkwardly at his classmates who had gone dead silent as he’d walked in the door. Inumaki sat on the counter, with Maki standing and Fushiguro sitting at the dining table sipping a cup of coffee with a book in his hands. Inumaki’s hands had been in the middle of a sign that Yuuta recognized before quickly dropping to his lap. Clearly Inumaki had something to say about the weather, as his hands had been in the sign for “rain.”
“Erm, good morning,” Yuuta broke the silence. “Is there more coffee?”
“Good morning, Okkotsu. There’s plenty of coffee, Maki just brewed a fresh pot,” replied Fushiguro with a polite smile. He was the only second year that Yuuta had met before his time away, since he was Gojo’s ward.
“Thank you, Fushiguro,” Yuuta crossed the room to the counter where he found a full pot of hot coffee sitting right next to Inumaki.
“Ah, um, excuse me, I-Inumaki,” he fumbled his words as he realized he’d have to reach right next to his head to grab a mug out of the cabinet over the coffee. Inumaki didn’t seem to have moved a muscle since dropping his hands to his lap when Yuuta entered the room. Yuuta leaned in to grab his favorite mug from the shelf and felt his hip graze against Inumaki’s leg. Inumaki flinched and quickly pulled his knee away from the brief contact like he’d been electrocuted. Yuuta stepped to the side quickly, practically jumping away.
The way Inumaki had pulled away from his contact had stung a bit. The boys used to be inseparable, and physical contact had always been easy for them. They’d watch videos on a small laptop, share a bed and blanket for sleepovers, curl up on the couch together playing video games. Now the graze of a touch seemed to repulse his once close friend. He stared into his coffee cup trying to force his face back into a neutral expression.
“Looks like we’re going to have to take a rain check on sparring this morning, Inumaki,” he mumbled, not looking up.
“You two could always use one of the empty workout rooms to spa-“ Maki offered, but was cut off.
“Bonito flakes, caviar, kelp,” Inumaki’s voice was full of frustration as he hopped off the counter and walked out of the room. The meaning was clear to Yuuta. “No, forget it. I’m out of here.”
Yuuta sighed, still staring into his coffee cup morosely. He wondered what he’d done wrong, why his friend recoiled from his touch, why he wouldn’t talk to him, or even look him in the eye.
“Aren’t you going to go after him?” Maki’s voice cut through the stormcloud of panicked thoughts circling his head.
“Why? He doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Is that what you think?” Fushiguro snorted into his cup, not looking up from his book.
“He’s made it pretty clear,” Yuuta rolled his eyes. “He won’t even look at me since I got back.”
“I don’t know, Yuuta. He seemed pretty excited about sparring with you today, until you went and canceled on him,” Maki said, poking him in the chest for emphasis. “There’s plenty of other places to practice on campus, why wouldn’t you just suggest one of those?” She flicked him on the forehead for good measure.
“I… forgot?” He explained weakly. “The only place I could train with Miguel was outside, we, uh, accidentally demolished a building… once…”
“Well I hope you weren’t planning on going that hard on Toge,” Maki scoffed.
“Whatever, I’m going to go study.” Yuuta saw Maki roll her eyes before he turned and left the room.
~
Yuuta was not getting any studying done. He hadn’t really meant it in the first place, it was just an excuse to leave, but when he got back to his room he did get out his school work and sat at his desk. He couldn’t read the words on the pages in front of him though, his mind was stuck on Inumaki.
He was trying to figure out when exactly he developed a crush on him. He hadn’t allowed himself to think of anyone that way when he didn’t have control of Rika. If he grew too close to anyone he worried she’d get jealous of his affection. He remembered his heart pounding in his chest the first day he attended classes here, seeing the purple eyes of his new classmate staring at him over the top of a scarf, platinum blonde hair messily spiked up. Was that the beginning of his crush? Or was he just terrified to be meeting new people, putting them in danger of his massive curse?
When he had learned more about Inumaki he was definitely mostly scared of the boy. He was so pretty, so small, so soft looking, but he was intimidating. He barely spoke, and when he did, Yuuta didn’t understand it. He was told that he spoke in onigiri fillings to protect others from his cursed speech. Yuuta didn’t really understand what cursed speech entailed, but he definitely understood restricting yourself to protect others. That was why Yuuta didn’t have any friends in the first place. The other students, Maki and Panda, seemed to understand the gibberish coming from Inumaki, though, which made Yuuta feel even more intimidated and left out. While he was scared of him, Inumaki was still nearly constantly on his mind. Did he have a crush then? Or was he just desperate to befriend his new classmates?
He was sure of the day that he became aware of his crush on Inumaki. When they went on their first joint mission together to the shopping center. Yuuta finally got to see how cursed speech worked, and Inumaki was incredible. When the mission was over, Yuuta was completely smitten. He spent the next few months trying to spend every free minute with Inumaki, learning to understand his quirky speech, practicing JSL with him, training, watching movies, playing games, falling asleep in Inumaki’s room more often than his own. He wanted to tell him how he felt, but he was afraid of ruining everything. Yuuta was always willing to sacrifice his own desires to keep others safe and comfortable. It was how he survived. So, he swallowed his words, and stayed friends with Inumaki. He wouldn’t tell him how every time they fell asleep next to each other he wanted nothing more than to run his fingers through his platinum blonde hair, to kiss the sigils on his cheeks, to taste the one on his tongue. He kept it to himself. Now he wasn’t sure if he did it to protect Inumaki, or to selfishly prevent their friendship from ending. If he told him, and he didn’t reciprocate his feelings (which, of course he didn’t, why would he? Inumaki was way out of his league.), their friendship would never be the same. He wouldn’t be able to sit so close, to stay in his room, to fall asleep to the sound of him breathing. So, he didn’t say anything.
Then the incident happened. The whole day is a blur to Yuuta. He blocked out so much of it from his memory, but there was one scene that played in his head every time he closed his eyes. Inumaki, lying broken on the rubble of the battlefield, his chin curtained in blood.
“ Yuuta ”
He’d never heard Inumaki say anything besides onigiri fillings or curses. And there he was, using what could’ve been his final breath to say Yuuta’s name. He knew at that moment that he’d kill anyone who dared to harm Inumaki ever again.
It wasn’t long after that Yuuta was sent away. He knew Gojo was trying to protect him from the higher-ups of Jujutsu society, but he didn’t want to leave Inumaki. He finally had figured out his curse with Rika, and knew that his feelings for Inumaki were so much more than a crush. He knew it would be unfair to tell him before going abroad, especially when he wasn’t given a return date. So again, he didn’t say anything.
They’d texted while they were apart, but the time difference made it hard to communicate smoothly. Their friendship had devolved to sending each other memes, vague updates about missions they’d gone on, and pictures of all the cool places Yuuta was visiting while away.
He was away for over a year. Apparently, a new teenage boy had his head on the higher-ups’ chopping block, taking some of the pressure off of Yuuta. And now that Yuuta was better trained, and Rika was under control, it seemed that Gojo wanted to bring him back as an example of what Itadori could be if given a chance, rather than executed immediately. Whatever the reason, Yuuta was so excited to return that he felt he could’ve floated back without the help of an airplane. He was happy to see all his friends again, and meet all the new students, but what he was truly giddy about was seeing Inumaki again.
~
When Yuuta returned there was a group waiting for him on the path up to the school. Most of the faces were familiar, but there were two students he didn’t recognize standing near the back of the group. There was a huge amount of cursed energy radiating off of a teenage boy with pink hair, and he figured that must be the new kid the higher ups wanted dead. A short girl stood next to him, and while she clearly wasn’t as powerful, she scared him a little bit. Why was she looking at him like that? There was pure hatred in her stare, and he wondered what exactly he’d done to anger her. The thought left his mind as soon as he saw Inumaki standing at the edge of the group.
Inumaki had grown up in his time away. His hair was no longer spiked up, falling in a soft curtain over his forehead, grazing the top of his purple eyes. He no longer wore a scarf to hide his seals, opting for a modified uniform with a zipper that came up to just under his nose. He looked so much more mature, so cool, so beautiful . Yuuta wanted to kiss him, to tell him how much he missed him, to tell him how in love with him he was, but Inumaki’s eyes wouldn’t meet his. Plus, half the school was there greeting him as he arrived back, and that would probably be pretty awkward for everyone. He opted for a hug, instead, for his best friend. Inumaki felt stiff in his arms, weakly patting him on the back before squirming out of his grip.
It had been like that for three weeks now, since he’d returned. The boy who had once been his best friend, the boy he was desperately in love with, wouldn’t look directly at him. Yuuta tried, at first, to invite Inumaki to do some of the things they used to do together, only to be quickly rebuffed, or to have it turn into a group event, second and third years all piling into the common room to watch a movie he’d suggested, or to have a video game tournament, Inumaki wedged between the arm of the couch and Panda every time.
He finally got Inumaki to agree to do something alone with him, to spar, and the universe seemed to conspire against him with this rain. He looked at the clock, 10:30 AM. They were supposed to spar at 10. He stood up to look down at the field to see if he’d been right about the track flooding by this point as well. The rain had lightened up a bit, just a sprinkle now, and he was surprised to see a platinum blonde head standing at the bottom of the stairs by the field.
Suddenly, Yuuta was running out the door.
~
He was running down the stairs to the field before he realized he didn’t know what he was going to say. The light rain was making his t-shirt stick to his body as he ran, he hadn’t even taken the time to put on a jacket before leaving, let alone write a speech.
“Inumaki!” Halfway down the stairs he cried out, somehow despite his thundering footsteps his friend hadn’t turned to see who was coming.
Inumaki finally turned to look at Yuuta as he neared the bottom of the staircase, and Yuuta realized something far too late. He wasn’t slowing down. The rain made everything slippery, and he should’ve tried to stop himself sooner.
“Inumaki, look ou-“ he called out, but it wasn’t enough. His foot slid across the wet rubbery surface of the track and he ran straight into Inumaki, knocking him onto the ground, falling on top of him.
Well, that was certainly one way to get Inumaki to look at him. Yuuta was transfixed. The misty rain clung to platinum hair in tiny droplets of water, shimmering like gems set in priceless jewelry. Purple eyes locked on his, in a wide stare, pupils dilating until the purple was just a ring around the edge of blackness. A faint blush started to creep up past the top of his high collar.
“ Yuuta ,” Inumaki breathed, so quietly that even laying on top of him Yuuta wasn’t sure he’d really heard it.
“Oh, my god, Inumaki, I’m so sorry. It was so slippery at the bottom of the stairs and I just couldn’t stop and I knocked you over and are you OK?” The words started to pour out of Yuuta like a dam had burst. “I just saw you out here and the rain had let up a bit and I wanted to talk to you and I rushed and I was careless and did I hurt you? Are you OK, Inumaki?”
“Yuuta,” Inumaki’s gaze hardened. “Salmon, caviar.” He pressed his hands into Yuuta’s chest, pushing him up.
“Oh, I’m sorry, you must be getting all wet,” Yuuta moved to climb off of him to allow Inumaki to stand up off the wet ground, but before he could the smaller boy had grabbed him and flipped him onto his back. Inumaki was straddling his torso, pinning him to the ground. Yuuta was faintly aware of the fact that his clothes were being soaked from the ground, which should be chilling him to the bone. Instead, he felt feverish, his face red hot. “I-Inumaki?”
Inumaki looked down at him and started to sign.
“Why do you keep calling me that?”
“I… what?”
“You used to call me Toge. I know we grew apart a little while you were gone but…”
His hands dropped and his eyes wouldn’t meet Yuuta’s again.
“It didn’t seem like you even wanted to talk to me, I thought… I was just… Trying to be respectful? I didn’t want to push that familiarity onto you when you’ve been avoiding me. I mean, you won’t even look at me since I got back, Toge.” The name felt almost foreign on Yuuta’s tongue, had he not said it out loud since before he left for Africa?
Inumaki’s eyes snapped back to Yuuta’s face at his words, the blush creeping back up his cheeks over the top of his collar.
“I’m not avoiding you.”
“Are you kidding me? Every time I walk in the room you refuse to look at me and find some excuse to leave. When I’ve tried to hang out with you, you invite everyone to join. You’re absolutely avoiding me.”
“OK, maybe I’m avoiding you a little. But it’s not what you think.”
Yuuta attempted to lift himself off the ground a little, propping himself up on his elbows, while Inumaki still sat firmly on his stomach.
“Whatever the reason is, it’s hurting me, Toge. I missed you more than anyone, and somehow I feel further from you now than when I was on the other side of the world. You’re my best friend, please talk to me.”
“You’re different. Not bad different, but it’s been… hard to adjust.”
“How would you know I’m different if you don’t talk to me? Don’t even look at me? I’m the same Yuuta, just… more in control of my cursed energy.”
“Yuuta,” Inumaki sighed and lifted his chin to the sky, letting the rain fall on his face, before looking back down at Yuuta’s drenched form on the ground beneath him.
“Do you even own a mirror? I thought they came standard in all the rooms here.”
“Okay, I suppose I also had a growth spurt… You look different, too, you know. Not bad different,” Yuuta teased, mimicking Inumaki’s words. “Really good different, actually. I like your hair like this.”
He reached up to touch the blond hair, now wet and sticking to Inumaki’s forehead, and had his hand slapped away.
“Don’t.”
His hand felt like it was on fire. He could feel the rejection in his bones. He’d been hurt before, injuries that would’ve killed a normal person, but he hadn’t felt pain like this. He dropped back off his elbows, letting his head fall back onto the wet rubbery surface of the track. He closed his eyes and felt the rain on his face, trying to will the clouds to open up and pour water straight into his lungs. To take him away from this misery. When that didn’t work, he finally opened his eyes.
“Why not, Toge? What is so different about me that makes you hate me so much?”
“I don’t hate you. I just think it would mean something different to me than it does to you. I thought I was okay with it before, but now…”
Yuuta blanched. How long had he known? He supposed he’d never been that subtle about his feelings, but he was embarrassed that he’d been found out before he could even confess.
“So you know?”
Inumaki looked down at him, bemused.
“What do you mean?”
“It’s okay with me if you don’t feel the same way. Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I just want to be around you. Whether you love me back or not. I’m sorry if I’ve made you uncomfortable. I get it if you don’t want to be around me, but please don’t push me away for my sake. If you’re alright with it, I’d rather be friends than nothing at all. I can handle it.”
“Wait, what?”
“Is that… not… what you meant?” Yuuta looked up at Inumaki, who looked shell-shocked. “I… please forget that. Nevermind. I’m sorry.” He hoped the rain hid the tears that were welling up in his eyes as he tried to squirm out from his pinned position on the ground.
Suddenly, Inumaki’s hands were pressed to the track on either side of his head, his face inches from Yuuta’s, his collar unzipped, a wild look in his eyes.
“Toge?”
“Yuuta,” Inumaki whispered.
“What… what did you mean, then?”
Inumaki lifted a hand from the ground and brushed Yuuta’s wet hair away from his forehead, before gently running his fingers down his cheek. Yuuta shivered, and leaned into the touch as Inumaki cupped his cheek. Hesitant, Yuuta reached his hand up to touch the blond hair again. This time, he wasn’t slapped away. He ran his fingers through the wet strands before his hand rested on the back of Inumaki’s head, gently pulling his face closer.
Suddenly, the distance between them was closed, and their lips crashed together. The kiss was awkward, clumsy, neither of them had any experience, but it was the best thing Yuuta had ever felt. It lasted for an eternity, or it could’ve been just a few seconds. He couldn’t tell. When they pulled apart, Inumaki was smiling at him as he sat up.
“You’re soaking wet, you know.”
“Well, someone has been pinning me down in a puddle for who knows how long.”
“Aren’t you cold? Should we go back inside?”
“I’m really hot, actually,” Yuuta blushed. He didn’t want to move, relishing the feeling of Inumaki’s weight on his body.
“Yeah, you are.” Inumaki signed with a snort.
“Hey, Toge?”
“Salmon?” Inumaki cocked his head, curiously.
“I love you.”