Chapter Text
“What about you, Hitori-chan? Do you like anyone?”
The question hits her like a two ton truck. Kita had been gossiping with Hitori, and the conversation topic inevitably landed on Hitori herself. Hitori can feel her soul fly off into the wall, and slink to the floor like a weightless husk. She was destined to be the quintessential hikikomori, scooting by on her parents’ funds, leaving everything to Futari to continue the Gotoh bloodline. She could see it now, a life of never living up to expectations, never bringing home a partner or children… Meanwhile the world will continue to spin, and Futari will have a family of her own, and Hitori will be lost to the sands of time…
“I’m sorry, Futari…” Hitori wheezes, wiping away a tear. “Make Mom and Dad proud for me…”
“Hitori-chan?” Kita cuts in.
“Ah, y-yes!” Hitori snaps up. “Um, n-no? I don’t know.”
Liking someone was something she never thought to consider. Not that anyone would ever like a social hermit like her… Maybe that’s why she never considered it. She doesn’t hold a candle to other girls, especially girls like her bandmates.
“Uh-uhm,” she stammers. “You like Ryo-san, right?”
She swears she can see stars sprinkle to life in Kita’s eyes. Kita springs up, her hands at her cheeks in excitement.
“Yes! Ryo-senpai is just the coolest, isn’t she?”
“A-Ah…”
“Everything she does adds so well to the atmosphere! And her outfits are always on point!” Kita says. “Sometimes I’m jealous of you, Hitori-chan! She gives you way more positive attention than she does me.”
“D-Does she?”
“Well, maybe not. I’d just like to get as much of her attention as possible, I guess.”
Kita’s way of thinking was beyond Hitori.
“Um,” Hitori interjects, waiting for a green light to continue talking. Her voice comes out thin. “What does it feel like? To like someone…?”
Kita’s mouth is ajar for a moment, as if that was the last question she expected from Hitori. “Oh! Well, you can’t miss it! It’s like a warm, bubbly feeling in your chest, you know? You have someone who’s special to you, right?” She did not know. “Like, all you can think about is them and being with them, and getting to take care of her, and making life easier for her, and maybe even getting to play with her blue hair, or to do her hair accessories.”
Kita gawks, catching herself. “Oh, but being part of her quota is enough, really! Really really!”
Hold on. Kita was just describing Ryo. Hitori sweats.
“Ah, h-have you ever liked anyone else before? Besides Ryo-san.” she asks.
“Nope! Just her! But I know when someone’s attractive, Hitori-chan.”
“I-I see…”
Kita was in a whole world of her own right now, one that Hitori had little access to.
“You didn’t answer my question, by the way!” Kita scolds, smiling all the while. “Is there anyone special in your life? Just in general, it doesn’t have to be romantic!”
Hitori jumps, caught in her attempt to deflect the question. “U-U-Uh, well-”
Ding, dong, ding, dong…
That’s the bell! Safe! With lunch now over, she can totally just leave now!
“Well I gotta get back to class, you know, my teacher is super strict! There’s a pop quiz today-- N-No, I mean… G-Goodbye!” And she sprints off.
On the train ride home, Hitori can’t help but fidget.
‘Stupid, stupid,’ she thinks. ‘The entire point of a pop quiz is that I wouldn’t know in advance.’
Her heart is racing, like she just unlidded something in her chest. Liking someone… The idea didn’t seem bad. But it was extremely, superbly, overwhelmingly scary. Hitori could hardly handle her own perception of self, much less having a significant other’s opinion to deal with. She’d likely be a horrid mess of a girlfriend, incapable of giving back to her partner. None of the neighbors would ever see her outside her home, so rumors would certainly spread over her being a vampire, and then the mob will come for her and burn her at the stake with stakes like a steak, and then…
She wilts, dropping her head into her hands. ‘Get a hold of yourself, Hitori!’
But just liking someone… Well, of course she likes the people in her life. She likes her family, she likes her friends and bandmates, she likes her fans, even the Manager and her girlfriend, and Hiroi-san. That was enough, right? But it seems to her that what Kita was describing was different…
A warm, bubbly feeling in your chest that you can’t miss… The fast drumming of her heart is definitely not that feeling.
She’s torn from her thoughts by the buzz of her phone, and pulls it out to find a LOINE message from the Kessoku Band group chat. Nijika sent a photo. It’s the corner of a building, with a little black cat peeking from around the corner. It’s got a small bell on its collar.
Nijika’s text reads:
(Nijika) Look! I was petting this cat, but it got shy when I tried taking a photo.
(Nijika) It reminded me of Bocchi-chan! ww
Of her? Hitori raises her phone to her face tepidly. Well, she supposes it might be sort of nice, for others to think about her. And positively, no less! Wow!
“Aaaaaand… send!” Nijika chirps, finally getting up. The black cat is still eyeing her and Ryo from around the corner.
She’s smiling, showing off the photo on her phone to Ryo. “Isn’t it a cute photo?”
Ryo stares at it, or maybe past it. “Yeah.”
Nijika’s face falls flat due to the cold shoulder, but she quickly recovers. She bounces on her heels as she steps towards the vending machines close by.
“Cola?” Ryo asks, as Nijika puts in her yen.
Cl-Clunk!
Just one can of soda.
Nijika takes a refreshing sip, and grins. “Yep. Bocchi-chan always gets cola. Thought I’d try some.”
“You normally offer me a soda.”
“Not this time!” Nijika grins, getting the last laugh at her photo going unappreciated. Ryo sighs.