Chapter Text
Working at the Old Gregory summer camp was always a good job for a senior in highschool. You get paid money that goes straight to your pocket, get to stay away from your parents for a while, and it’s never a competitive cop. It was a very big camp, meaning there was a lot of ground to cover and positions to fill. These jobs were a result of a program in the 90’s to employ teenages in an effort to lower the crime rate. Did it work? Chris didn’t know.
He had only stayed there for one summer as it was the last summer his parents could afford it, but he remembers this summer as holding some of the happiest moments of his childhood. There was nostalgia, but what really got him into the idea was the experience of it all, living in a cabin with a bunch of people he knew from school ( the high schoolers did not sleep in the same cabin as the campers because they had no real experience in childcare at all) in the wilderness, moving boxes and mopping floors, what a thing to say you have done!
There was a shuttle that took them there. It was forest green with yellow text, the thing looked like it had seen better days, its green now gray, its wheels losing grip and instead of an asphalt black, they were now a muddy gray, the sticker lettering was either a dirty yellow or gone completely, a greener outline in its place. Chris got on the Shuttle and it felt as if he was going to prison. The windows were scratched beyond recognition, the seats were merely short orange benches that were not filled with teenagers. The girls sat together and so did the boys, of course there were a few exceptions, but there was a clear distinction of friends sitting with friends.
Chris didn’t really have a best friend or a friend group. He was mostly the one who was just friendly with everyone, a guy who you could call over if you saw him walking by. He did not like talking to people in groups, not because of anxiety, but because he just preferred simple interactions with people, talking to people one on one was just better. People would often open up to him because of this habit. Girls, guys, it didn’t matter. He got a lot of deeper friends that way. Lots of girls confessed to him as well. He accepted the first one in 9th grade. Though it didn't go very well. The girl was very nice but he just felt he couldn’t be a boyfriend. He felt guilt that he couldn’t be that for her; for whatever reason he just couldn’t think of himself as in a relationship. It just felt like they were friends still. Every time they kissed or held hands he felt nothing. He felt relief when they broke up. She was moving away so he didn’t need to think of an excuse or tell the truth to separate. It lasted for a year. He still texts her every once a while to see how she’s doing-she did too. Besides that he had never been in a relationship with anyone.
He often wondered why he didn’t feel anything with his ex. He thought he might be aromantic or just weird. Maybe it was just the girl herself. Rarely did he ever acknowledge that part of him that thought he might be gay. The part of him that looked a little too long at guys without shirts on, that got thrown into a dream because a boy smiled at him a certain way, his unconscious mind dreaming of showers, warm skin, and white towels on men. He didn’t dare acknowledge that. He was progressive to other people, he even had gay and lesbian friends. But him? no, it couldn’t be him.
There were a couple free seats scattered around, but all of them seemed to be around too much chaos. His eyes scanned for a seat as he walked further onto the bus. Near the end he did find a seat, he picked it partly because he was near the end and couldn’t turn around for another seat because there were more people getting on the small bus, but also because of the person sitting on the window side.
Dan Mandel was someone who interested Chris greatly. He struck Chris as deeply insecure about himself in a way that was all consuming, not only for Dan himself but for the people around him, for the people he talked to. He was known as that crazy guy at school. His crazy was less a goofy kind of crazy and more of an angry, evil kind of crazy. A lot of people liked him because of that. Dan the crazy motherfucker. That's who he was. People would always talk to him, it became sort of a challenge to talk to Dan and not piss him off in any way. It really was a challenge. Dan would do some insane things for revenge. He had a talent for keeping it on the borderline. Borderline of a crime, that is. He would not go to jail for any of the things he did, it was like he studied the law specifically for this reason. Girls also liked him a lot. Chris couldn’t figure out whether it was the “I can fix him.” or the “bad boy” Thing that drew them in. He figured a little bit of both. Of course it wasn’t just the girls who wanted connections with Dan, the guys found it cool to do so as well– just not the romantic part.
Chris hadn’t really talked to Dan other than when he asked him for a pencil. Chris still thinks of the encounter. Dan turned his head fully to Chris and made such an astonished and offended face, so exaggerated that it must have been ironic and said, “My pencil looks like this–do you think I have a goddamn second one?” He held up his pencil while he said it. A dull wooden thing that had been snapped in two–only a few lucky inches remained that could be clumsily used as a writing utensil. Chris laughed in the middle of class, luckily it was already pretty loud, but still his laugh penetrated the sound enough for some people to give him a confused look, or to try and tell what he was laughing at. Even Dan seemed confused–though not offended, this was the evidence that he meant it as a joke, or at least as a clever observation. He obviously didn’t think it would kill though. “It’s okay Chris. Just… breathe.” And so Chris did breathe, and then that was the end of that.
Chris didn't laugh that much in casual conversation, he hadn't noticed this trait himself, it was a friends observation. So this encounter, where the small insecure kid made him laugh stuck out to him. He would think about it every now and again. When he saw a broken pencil on the floor or just anytime his mind had idle thoughts. He would chuckle to himself, even say it to himself against his mind, “do you think I have a goddamn second one?”. The joke was just so unexpected, so visual and Dan’s deadpan delivery, on top of the fact that they didn’t even really know each other, struck a nerve in Chris. He thought it to be the funniest “joke” he’d heard from another person in real life.
Chris wanted to talk to Dan after the scene, but it just never happened. So, then this opportunity to sit next to him was something he couldn’t skip on. “Is it okay if I sit here?” Dan nodded and adjusted himself despite not needing to at all. Dan was a small teenager. Noticeably smaller than all the other boys, especially Chris, who was noticeably taller than all the other boys. Dan had black, black hair- he kept it messy, he generally wasn’t much for hygiene Chris noticed, though he didn’t smell or have that much acne, his nails were always dirty and rugged, his hoodies were always shabby and unthreaded at the sleeves. That was another thing about Dan. He only wore hoodies or coats. Very rarely did you ever see him in a simple shirt, even on the hottest days he would still wear the dreaded hoodie. He had three that he would always circulate, today he was wearing the black one. Chris thought it to match very well with his dark hair and his pale white skin.
Chris sat next to Dan and awkwardly got his phone out. The worst case scenario was that they didn’t talk at all and Chris messed around on his phone for a while. Chris really did want to talk to Dan though. He couldn’t quite explain why he felt such a strong desire to talk to the raven-haired boy, he just did. Ten minutes later the bus started driving, everyone naturally got quieter for some primitive reason.
“Hey. Chris.” Chris turned his eyes to Dan.
“Are you staring at me?” Chris realized himself then. He had been staring at Dan. It must have first been a glance out of the window then his eyes slid further down to Dan, being comfortable there they lingered for long enough for Dan to notice.
“Um. No I was just looking out the window.” Chris almost said it as a question because of how unbelievable it was. There was no way he could have been staring out the window, he was staring at his neck.
“Whatever. Just- don’t get a hard-on, alright?” The sudden crudeness surprised Chris, it made his face red. He was a terrible blusher.
Chris should’ve figured that Dan had edgy wit. He certainly had quite the vocabulary when he was mad (which was very often) of course it would apply to his regular speech too.
Chris was just relieved that he wasn’t mad. If he was mad, it would definitely know. A moment passed and Chris took his gaze back to his phone. After a while Chris noticed Dan looking back over to Chris, inspecting him, neglecting his book. Chris found it appropriate to look back over to Dan.
”I was staring. You could tell, couldn’t you?” Chris admitted in a defeated tone.
Dan just smiled. “You blush like a girl.” Chris didn’t let his face show the indescribable emotion those words conjured in him, besides of course the obvious blush.
He saw this as a window for a potential conversation, despite how strange and embarrassing it was. “What are you reading?” Chris looked to the book Dan was holding, a hardcover without the sleeve. There was no title on the cover, just the initials “A.N.” and a couple stamped black roses around them. Dan slapped the book shut, placed it on his lap, spine turned away with no haste. “Nothing interesting.” Chris felt it okay to press because of the casualness of Dan’s dismissal.
“ looks like something to me. Looks like an old book.”
“The bible?” Dan questioned.
“Nah. That's a GOOD book.”
“Oh. yeah. You’re right. It is an old book though. Not Bible old. French writer Anaïs Nin. Her collection of erotic short stories.”
Chris was happy that Dan allowed the conversation to flow further, but was put off by the single word ‘erotic’. He didn’t really want to think of sex while talking with Dan. Though it made him less scared because of how matter-of-factly Dan told the words, over all the nervousness won over, though now it was a tamer sensation.
Chris pretended not to be scared of the word, but he could feel his face grow hotter.
He really did blush like a girl.
Dan inspected Chris’ face and smiled proudly. A sideways smile, a punchable smile. This only made his face hotter.
“It’s pretty fucked up stuff too, incest, pedophilia, weird rape, there’s even some…” And Dan leaned in closer to Chris’s face, his smile traded for a fake seriousness.
“Gay sex…”
And with that Chris’ mind turned blank. But luckily his mouth still had something to say.
“Fuckin’ French people, man.”
Dan’s face seemed surprised but then started laughing. The laugh brought Chris back to reality. It was a laugh, but it was a giggle really. It didn't last long at all.
Chris found himself infatuated by his laughter. He wanted to hear it again but he had no jokes to say, just an observation that if he was more present in mind he wouldn’t have said,
“You laugh like a girl.” Dan’s face dropped and then there was not an inkling of a smile left. Chris suddenly felt stupid. Dan put his hand on Chris’ head and shoved it back with very little force. It was a playful action, so Chris was glad for it. But more over the sensation of Dan touching him somehow triggered his terrible teenage hormones and he felt a certain rush of warmth to his lower half.
He lifted his leg up and tried to hide it. To his absolute horror Dan did notice, though his reaction was very strange. Instead of getting offended or grossed out, as he definitely should, he just laughed again, this time more softly, as if he didn’t want anyone to hear it. “I guess you didn’t take my advice to heart when I told you not to do exactly that.”
“I.” He stopped talking for a full moment. “I… am so sorry.” His eyes were staring a million miles away. All Dan did was pick back up his book and continue to side eye Chris with not a smile, a smirk.
“You’re so cute, Chris.”
All the blood from his face then went straight to his dick. He wondered if he was still even blushing. Then Chris had a thought that made him a little mad, but he couldn’t be that mad because he was currently dead inside.
“...You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?”
“No, Chris, that was all you.”
Chris now had both of his legs up on the seat, his knees as close to his stomach as he could get, he squeezed them even closer with his arms, hugging his legs.
“I kind of want to die right now.”
“I can help you with that.”
The words shot his heart, but after re-evaluating, he realized that he was talking about the death thing.
“Kidding.” Dan clarified.
From what Chris had seen and heard of Dan this was not normal. Chris should have gotten a beating by now (as much as a beating as someone small as Dan could possibly do). He was mad, always mad at the littlest things, especially if it involved calling him feminine in any way or doing something that even made him feel feminine. Chris was pretty sure that his prior statement qualified.
“There is something truly beautiful about erotica I’ve found…When it is written right it is like poetry, a love that goes much beyond the mechanical descriptions of sex, written erotica puts forth again the often forgotten parts when we see pornographic material, the story, the reasons, the conflicts, it’s glory, it’s tragedy, it's intimacies. An art. Made special because of its taboo nature.” Dan said with such intelligence, though, his expression just confirmed that he was egging Chris on.
“ What an amazing speech about porn, Dan. I don’t think that it makes your porn addiction any less severe though. It just makes it more liberal arts-y. And way weirder.”
Dan laughed, a full laugh, now not a girlish giggle, though Chris could hear that he was hiding the girlish part of his laugh.
“I think you’re right, Chris…I think you’re right.”
They talked for the whole ride. It was nice, it almost made him forget about his terribly embarrassing thing his body decided to do. The ride was long, lasting until two in the morning, due to a couple of detours and roadblocks. Everyone calmed down around 10 and then completely stopped talking at 11. Even while everyone was sleeping awkwardly or silently on their phones, they whispered their banter in the night. Politics, movies, shows, horror, CGI, and long discussions about The Golden Girls (for some reason).
It was natural talking to him, he found that they were on very similar sides of the internet, so they knew a lot about the same things, and watched the same things when they were younger. Though Dan was much more of a pretentious intellectual than Chris was, they did complement each other quite nicely. He learned a lot from Dan, like he had a sizzling hatred for death metal. He talked about it with such vigor and rationale, it made Chris actually care.
When the shuttle arrived it was extremely late, some adults came and told the students that they could sleep wherever they wanted tonight, (Provided that the boys and girls were separated.) they warned that it was only temporary, that come morning they would assign people to their real quarters. The original plan was to assign them tonight so they didn’t have to clean the beds again, but they arrived later than usual. They didn’t want to deal with a bunch of angry and tired teenagers at two in the morning.
It was dark, Chris couldn’t see anything but what little the orange street lanterns illuminated, which was very, very little. Dan disappeared somehow as soon as they got out of the bus, and so he found his friend Jaden and went with him to one of the four quarters that the boys were supposed to pick from. He didn’t expect his friend to talk to him, because of how dead tired he looked, but nevertheless– he still did.
“How was Dan?”
Chris’ face didn’t change as he walked with Jaden to the last cabin.
“He’s nice.”
“Nice? Dan?” Jaden seemed as surprised as someone who could barely keep his eyes open could be.
“He was. He’s fun to talk to.”
“...Leave it to Chris to make nice of someone as much as an asshole as Dan.”
They didn’t say anything after that, they just went to the cabin and picked out a bed. There were only about four others there, it being the farthest cabin from where they were dropped off. Chris sneakily looked for Dan at the side of his eye, but didn’t find him. Jaden went straight to sleep. While Chris sort of just laid down and pondered what he thought of Dan. He wondered why he randomly left. He wondered why the hell he wasn’t mad at him. Even though he had a lot more thoughts to think about, he fell asleep. He dreamt of nothing.
He woke up to the sound of an alarm clock, as well as a horn– if that didn’t get you out of bed– Chris didn’t know what would. Everyone was told the day before to head to the dining hall.
“We gotta go to the dining hall, Chris.”
“I know.”
“ Chris…”
“What?”
“We need to go to the dining hall.”
“I know!”
“Then get up and go!” Jaden yelled. He continued in a more collected manner. “I’m not going to wait for you, Chris.”
So then Chris rolled off the bed and onto the floor.
“You go, I’ll catch up.”
“Chris, you already slept in your clothes. Just put some damn shoes on.”
And so Chris did put his damn shoes on. They went together to the dining hall. Now that he could actually see the camp in daylight, it was much smaller than he remembered as a kid. He remembered so vaguely the architecture, the feeling of when he was there as a boy. The smell of pine and the way the trees loomed. Chris remembered part of the structure overlooking a canyon. He couldn’t see it now, but he knew it was somewhere around here.
As they walked the ground crushed under their feet. The morning air was cold and misty against his cheek, though he was not awakened by it. The cold had a comfort to it. Like a frosty embrace. The birds chirped unseen from their spots in the trees up above, overnight nestled in their nooks of nature, then creeping out to sing of the morning.
When the two got to the lodge Chris could finally see how many kids there were, as it was more spaced out than the bus and lighter than last night. There were only about twenty kids there. Though that may seem a lot, the camp was big, big. So it seemed the appropriate amount of unskilled teenage laborers. Jaden told him he was going to sit down near where his other friends were, Chris told Jaden that he would sit somewhere else, however he didn’t tell him he was looking for Dan.
As he scanned the room his doubt grew, he thought it may come off weird to try and sit with Dan, maybe he’d get him mad. Why would he even want to sit with someone who got an erection by simply touching them? That was probably why Dan had left so quickly after they got off of the bus. It was because he didn’t want to sit with anyone like that. That perverted. His rolling thoughts were interrupted by a sweet voice.
“Morning Chris.” It was Dan, his voice was sincere and genuine. He lifted his hand to touch Chris’s much higher elbow. Chris thought it to be all in his head but he swore that Dan drew out the touch, making it as slow as possible.
“Dan. Good morning.” Chris made a tired smile, fuller than a tired smile had any right to be.
“Do you want to sit together?” Chris continued, his anxiety went away for some reason.
“I was just about to ask you that. Lets.” Dan replied- and so they walked off to an uninhabited table, though they were asked to move to be closer together to the other high schoolers. Dan did it begrudgingly, huffing a few curse words under his breath and Chris did it with absolute obedience to authority. Chris wanted to ask Dan where he slept last night and why he left so abruptly, but he thought it too strange.
So he did not. Dan was the first to speak. ”They 'Said’ they were going to allow us to pick our positions. Well the general positions. Maintenance or childcare, camp councilor type shit.”
Dan slouched over the table, his elbow resting on it and his head in his hand, he was turned to Chris– in this position it was as if he focused all of his attention to Chris– though his eyes were slightly past him.
“Which one you’ thinking of?” Chris asked.
“Which one are you thinking of.” Dan corrected.
“Which one are you thinking of?” Chris reaccreted himself.
Chris felt like he’d already knew the answer, but he would be surprised if Dan wanted to work with children, it would be another interesting thing about Dan that he didn’t know before.
“Uh. Maintenance. I hate children.”
Well. He was still predictable in some ways.
“But…a lot more girls are going to be doing those counselor kinds of jobs.” Dan now looked right into Chris’ eyes. God. They were so green.
“I don't really care about that. I’m not really into girls.” Quickly, he realized how that sounded and he calmly collected himself.
“I’m not gay or anything. I’m just not into girls as much as other guys are.” He went even further.
“Girls that aren’t online, anyway.” He went too far.
“Girls that aren’t on… PornHub…” Way too fucking far.
Chris and Dan shared a solid moment of tense eye contact. Then Dan started laughing, balling, crying more appropriately. Chris didn’t find it so funny though. Dan collected himself.
“Oh…Chris…you’re face is red as hell!'' The last words sounded like he had to use every gut of effort to say those last words, and it was those last words that broke him again, going into another fit.
“It’s okay Dan, just breathe.” Chris mirrored their first real interaction.
“Okay… WOW. Okay. wow.” Dan continued. His laughter felt mean, but somehow Chris did not feel hurt.
“Sorry. Sorry.”
“I’m not gay, Dan. And-'' Chris looked around to see if anyone was listening. No one was, so he continued–though still in a whisper.
“Just because that thing on the bus happened doesn't mean anything. I’m not gay.” Dan stopped laughing when Chris talked, not because he was loud, but because he was stern.
“I’ve never seen you mad, Chris.” Dan said, he smiled as he did, but it was no longer a smile of humor, it was something else, something that Chris couldn’t quite articulate.
Chris was stunned at the smile, but more so stunned by the fact that he was getting mad. He usually didn’t get mad at people, especially people he didn’t really know–that’s what made him so agreeable… but here he was mad. Or at least he was getting mad. “I’m not mad Dan. I’m just. Insecure is all. Just like everyone else here…” Chris said with his calm voice.
Dan stared at Chris, surprised again at him, but still, there was a trace of that strange smile Chris was scared of.
“You’re really honest for a teenager…”
Dan reached for Chris's Head and scuffed his already messy hair.
“I really like that.”
Chris wondered if Dan was trying to get the same “reaction” out of him by touching his head again. He did not linger on the thought and he did not get the same reaction as last time. So he just spoke to the compliment. “Thank you?”
Chris and Dan split up again. Now it was time to get assigned. The whole process lasted about two hours and it was a blur. Perhaps because it was so damn boring his mind turned itself off to protect himself, or perhaps because he had a lot of thoughts in those two hours. And Chris didn’t really think about things too much. At least not on feelings of people, or feelings of those people.
Chris got a maintenance job. He did think that childcare would look good on his resume, but at the same time he didn’t really want to deal with kids in the hot sun all day. There was another reason he picked maintenance of course. It was pretty obvious to even him the reason.
It was only by some crazy and divine coincidence that they actually got assigned together.