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It's been nearly three months since his transfer to the hell hole that is Eunjang High School when Si-Eun's phone starts buzzing during his second lesson of the day. Normally he would ignore it in favour of getting on with his work, especially now when his class has finally settled down enough to focus but for some reason he's compelled to pull the device from his pocket, glad he does when he catches a glimpse of Young-Yi's name on the screen.
He hasn't heard from Young-Yi since she up and left not long after he transferred, she checks in often with Soo-Ho's grandmother but never reaches out to Si-Eun, he doesn't want to pressure her so he's been waiting for her to make the first move, maybe this is it.
He pays his teacher and classmates no mind whatsoever as he rises out of his seat, making his way out of the room before anyone has a chance to call him out on disrupting the lesson. He's used to being in trouble nowadays anyway, what's one more punishment on the extensive list he's already racked up for fighting.
"Hello…" Si-Eun greets as soon as he answers the call, waiting with baited breath, hoping that Young-Yi doesn't change her mind and hangs up.
"Soo-Ho's awake. His grandmother just called...Soo-Ho's awake." Young-Yi softly sobs down the phone, she takes a few deep breaths probably to try composing herself but she fails because only seconds later he hears her crying once more.
"I'm on my way. How is he? Is everything okay? Will he be okay? Does he remember everything?" Si-Eun rushes to ask, too many thoughts and too many feelings causing him to spout all of the desperate questions that pop into his head.
"I don't know all of the details, all I know is that he woke up in the early hours of the morning and seems to be just fine. I'm already nearly there, I'll see you soon." Young-Yi tells him, her voice still shaky as the line goes dead.
For a moment Si-Eun finds himself frozen in place staring at his phone wondering if the phone call actually happened but once his brain catches up with itself he begins running through the halls to the closest exit.
No one tries to stop him, honestly he doesn't think anyone could if they tried but he escapes easily enough, rushing to the train station as quickly as his feet can carry him.
The rest is a bit of a blur, he sort of remembers purchasing a ticket and impatiently waiting for the train, his impatience only growing the longer the train takes to take him back to Seoul but his mind is so occupied with thoughts of his bed bound best friend that he feared he would never see awake again, that it's all just background noise to him.
He can admit to himself that he hasn't visited Soo-Ho as often as he should have, he's had the means to stop by more times than he has committed to but seeing Soo-Ho lying there defenceless and far too still makes his heart ache in a way he still isn't completely ready to face just yet.
The handful of times that he has stopped by have led to Si-Eun spiralling into confused despair, desperate to see Soo-Ho open his eyes, crying pitifully as he prays to whatever or whoever might hold the power to do so, to bring Soo-Ho back to consciousness but simultaneously terrified of what coming face to face with the handsome fighter might force him to accept about himself.
He's always been good at shutting off his feelings, he's used to ignoring the deep pit of loneliness that often tries to consume him but since Soo-Ho entered his life Si-Eun finds it increasingly more difficult to ignore the growing need for more than his dismal lonely life has to offer.
Soo-Ho's friendship has spoilt him, made him want things that he knows he can't have and yet as he stops just in front on Soo-Ho's hospital room he finds himself stupidly filled with hope that maybe just maybe he and Soo-Ho can have something more.
Si-Eun takes a moment to catch his breath, he must have run most of the way here because his lungs feel like they are on fire and his throat feels dry but all of that gets ignored in favour of stepping through the doorway of Soo-Ho's hospital room.
Soo-Ho's grandma is the first to look up at him when he enters, her warm smile brighter than he's ever seen it because there's actually real joy behind it this time. Young-Yi is right beside her at Soo-Ho's bedside, she offers Si-Eun a small wet smile, tears dripping slowly down her face as she turns her head to look back at the occupant of the hospital bed.
Si-Eun follows her lead, anticipation squeezing at his heart as his eyes slowly land on Soo-Ho who's sat up against his pillows on the bed. Si-Eun's not prepared for the way his heart skips when their eyes finally meet, every thought, every fear and all of the confusing feelings he's been trying so damn hard to suppress suddenly flood him with emotions.
He's never seen anyone as beautiful as Soo-Ho in that moment, his deep chocolaty eyes fixed on Si-Eun, his smile far too soft and far too cheeky for someone who's just spent months in a damn coma yet the sight of it makes Si-Eun feel warm and content in a way he hasn't since he found out what happened to his friend.
"Took you long enough." Soo-Ho teases, his voice a bit deeper and scratcher than Si-Eun is used to but that's to be expected since he's been asleep for so long.
"Shouldn't I be the one saying that to you? We've all been waiting for you for months." Si-Eun tries to tease back, though it comes out more like a sob as his vision becomes blurry with the tears that are now stinging his eyes.
Soo-Ho's smile falls instantly, something akin to guilt pulling at his features as he ducks his head in shame. It wasn't Si-Eun's intention to make Soo-Ho feel guilty but even with his head lowered and his lips pouting the way they are, Si-Eun is struck by how cute Soo-Ho is.
"I know it was stupid, I know I shouldn't have put myself in that kind of situation but I just… they hurt you, Si-Eun." Soo-Ho mutters as if that explains everything, looking up at Si-Eun like a damn puppy dog that's just been scolded.
There's so much Si-Eun wants to say, he wants to be angry, he wants to demand that Soo-Ho never does anything like that again. He wants to scold him and tell him that he's missed him and beg for him never to leave his side again but the words don't come, he just finds himself crying harder as he pads quickly over to Soo-Ho's bedside, tugging him into a hug.
Soo-Ho huffs from the sudden pull but as soon as he realises what Si-Eun is offering he sinks into his embrace, his arms winding around the shorter boy's waist as he presses just a little closer, burying his face in Si-Eun's chest.
They've never embraced like this before, it's a little awkward honestly but with so much emotion demanding to be felt, Si-Eun just curls his arms a little tighter around Soo-Ho's shoulders, tucking his blushing face into Soo-Ho's hair.
He hears Young-Yi suggest that her and Soo-Ho's grandmother go grab some coffee and then the shuffling of feet as the older woman hurriedly agrees but he doesn't lift his head to confirm they are gone, far too embarrassed that he's let his emotions get the better of him.
He's not sure how long the two of them stay that way, curled around each other tightly but when they finally pull apart Si-Eun's quiet sobs have settled into silent, slow tears that Soo-Ho hesitantly reaches up to brush away with his thumb.
When their eyes meet again just as Soo-Ho cups his jaw to gently swipe away his tears, Si-Eun finds himself holding his breath unsure of how to accept such affection. It's not that Si-Eun is oppose to physical affection, truthfully he quite enjoys it, he's just never had someone in his life who offers it as openly as Soo-Ho does but this right here feels dangerously close to crossing the boundaries between friendship and becoming something more and Si-Eun doesn't know how to handle it.
He's tempted to pull away, Soo-Ho's eyes on him almost too much to bear when he's feeling this fragile yet he finds himself leaning into the tender touch instead, like his body has chosen to listen to his heart rather than his brain in a rare show of defiance.
This is why being around Soo-Ho is dangerous, Si-Eun is usually so much better at holding back his emotions. He's usually able to keep his stoic, quiet barrier up but with Soo-Ho he's unable to stop himself from opening up and in turn becoming far too vulnerable.
"I'm sorry I put you through all of this." Soo-Ho whispers, still staring into Si-Eun's eyes, far too earnest for Si-Eun's fragile heart.
"Just don't ever put yourself in that kind of situation ever again…" Si-Eun tries to demand but it sounds more like a desperate plea, even to his own ears. Oh well he's already being vulnerable, might as well be honest, "I don't want to lose you."
Those words hold so much that's being left unsaid, there's so much meaning behind them that Si-Eun isn't sure he's ready to admit it. Of course he doesn't want to lose Soo-Ho, he is his best friend after all but Si-Eun's feelings have far surpassed that of just friendship and even if it's a one sided love he'd still rather have Soo-Ho by his side as a friend then not at all.
Soo-Ho's eyes widen at the soft confession, the hand that he still has cupped around Si-Eun's jaw leaves his cheek cold as it's pulled away in shock. Si-Eun's pretty sure he's said too much, maybe his eyes or his face have given him away but just as he ducks his head in shame about to take a step back, Soo-Ho reaches around to cup the back of his neck instead.
Si-Eun's head snaps up in surprise, eyes searching Soo-Ho's face that has completely softened into a sweet little smile that's just tugging at his lips. Si-Eun's so unsure of himself, his breathing has picked up and his heart feels like it's going to hammer out of his chest as Soo-Ho very slowly and very carefully tugs his head down until their lips are just a brush away from each other.
Soo-Ho's giving him an out, he's giving Si-Eun the choice whether to take this further or not, Soo-Ho's waiting for an unspoken confession of feelings that Si-Eun's been trying so hard to push aside but right here, right now, Si-Eun can't resist pressing forward and sealing their lips.
It's just a small press of lips, barely even a peck before Si-Eun's fear has him pulling back, expecting Soo-Ho to get angry, to tell him that he doesn't feel the same way for him and that they will only ever be friends but Si-Eun barely gets a breath away before Soo-Ho is tugging him in again, pressing in a little deeper this time.
Si-Eun lets himself sink into it, into the soft warmth of Soo-Ho's lips. They're a little dry from months of unconsciousness but still softer than anything Si-Eun has ever felt before, delicate in a way Si-Eun's never expected. It's all so new, the way Soo-Ho pulls his body closer, the way pleasure curls up his spine and the way Soo-Ho shifts just enough to capture Si-Eun's bottom lip between his own, it's beautiful and it's terrifying and Si-Eun never ever wants to lose Soo-Ho ever again.
The world around them is left forgotten for the few precious minutes that they hold each other, exploring something that's only ever lingered in the background of their friendship but far too soon for Si-Eun's liking they are pulling apart, both breathless and both a little shy when their eyes meet once more.
Fear quickly curls around Si-Eun's heart again, unsure of what to expect next but Soo-Ho soothes his fear almost immediately with a sweet little smile that he's only ever seen directed at him. It's a smile that Si-Eun very shyly reciprocates, ducking his head as his ears begin to burn red.
He's spent so much time agonising over how he needs to rid himself of the feelings he's grown towards Soo-Ho that to have them returned has left him feeling a little lost but luckily Soo-Ho seems to get it, grounding Si-Eun silently by slipping his fingers through his smaller ones.
There's so much that needs to be said, so much that they still need to express to one another but before they can Young-Yi and Soo-Ho's grandmother reappear with cups of coffee and a bottle of water for Soo-Ho.
Si-Eun moves quickly to untangle their hands but just as he begins to move away Soo-Ho hooks his little finger around Si-Eun's pinkie, keeping him close. Both Young-Yi and Soo-Ho's grandmother don't seem to be paying their hands any mind as Young-Yi begins to grill Soo-Ho on how he's feeling so Si-Eun allows himself to enjoy the small point of contact, thankful to finally have Soo-Ho back and hopeful about where the future might lead for the first time in months.