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Rubin's fingers brushed against the smooth stone of the church's altar. The dried blood caked across the surface crackled under his fingertips. He didn't flinch- he'd seen much more blood than this in much worse situations.
His skin ripping away from his insides, blood bursting and intestines thrashing out like snakes
He scrunched his eyes shut and blinked away the memory. It wouldn't be helpful to remember that. Not now. As his eyes readjusted in the wake of his memories, he read an inscription on the side of the altar.
'Reach heaven through violence,' the Abyssal text said.
It didn't look like it had worked, Rubin thought with a sad smile. Besides, there were far better ways to get to heaven. Behind him, he felt a soul stir. His body was turning to face it before he could register it.
A small child crawled out from behind a pew. They were ghoulishly pale and their hair wasmatted with blood and grime. Their eyes darted from the room to Rubin desperately, gaze skipping over the gore surrounding them as if they could ignore it out of existence. Rubin's heart wrenched at the sight of them.
"Hi, little one," Rubin said, crouching to their level. The floor smelled of rot and iron. "what's your name?"
"Sarah," The child said shyly. They crept a little closer to him.
"It's nice to meet you. I'm Rubin." He smiled comfortingly, offering his hand to the small child. "How old are you, Sarah?"
"I'm nine," they said proudly. They were halfway to Rubin now and gaining confidence with every step.
"Wow. You're so old!" He beckoned them encouragingly. "Do you like being nine?"
"Um... kind of. My mum and dad let me do anything I want now. They said I'm going to reach heaven when I'm ten so I can eat all the sweets I want."
"Wow," was all Rubin could get out before his throat betrayed him. He blinked back tears, grateful for the hood shadowing his eyes. Gods. They were too young. They didn't fucking deserve this.
He didn't realise he'd closed his eyes until a small, cold hand gripped his own. The child made a noise of surprise and squeezed his fingers.
"Mr Rubin, your hands are really warm," they said. He could hear the smile in their voice. He squeezed their hand back gently. "Mum always said that Death was cold."
His eyes snapped open to study their face. They were calm. Like they'd been prepared for this. His entire body ached.
"My hands are warm, little one. To greet wonderful people like you." His voice was a tired whisper. "I'll always be warm to people that deserve it."
Sarah was silent for a little bit. Then, she tugged his hand.
"Um... Mr Rubin, sir?"
"Yes, Sarah?"
"I think I want to go to heaven now." Rubin swallowed. "Do you know about the other option, little one?"
Sarah frowned. Her eyes were twinkling with interest. It reminded Rubin of him–
Waking up to him silently sobbing, hearing but not understanding that it wasn't his fault, he's not evil, he deserved better
And he sucked in a deep breath.
"You can have another chance, if you'd like. You can be born again into a new person, one that didn't have to go through this." Sarah blinked in confusion. "This ritual, Sarah– did you want to do it?"
"... No," They said, looking at the floor guiltily.
"Well, you can have another life. Where you never had to do the ritual. Where you can have a mum and dad that won't be cruel. Do you want that?"
"Can I eat chocolate as much as I want?"
Rubin laughed raggedly. "I can't promise that. But I can promise it'll be better."
Sarah straightened their back and nodded determinedly.
"I don't want to go to heaven. But I don't want to go to hell forever either. So, I think I want to try again and go somewhere in the middle."
"Then that's what you'll get, little one. Somewhere in the middle."
Sarah smiled, and Rubin pulled them into a hug. They squeezed him so tightly it hurt, like they were trying to crush all his ribs. He waited until thier grip tired, and with a flicker of his will, they disappeared into the aether.
Rubin slumped to the floor, head in his hands, and stared at the blood of Sarah's family on the floor.
---
He finished his duties on autopilot, sending off some noble to be reincarnated and an old washerwoman to die, before allowing himself to rest. Rubin wordlessly let himself vanish into nothingness and searched for his location. Like pushing a needle through the fabric of reality, Rubin slipped into his safe place.
Vehk, wearing a very inappropriate configuration of Rubin's favourite robe, was draped on their chaise lounge. He was staring at the exact spot Rubin stepped out of, grape between his teeth.
"Hi Poobin," Vehk unsuccessfully pronounced around the grape. "Fanchy sheeing you here."
"You look much sexier than you sound, darling," Rubin said, the warmth of their home seeping into his cold body. It was a welcome relief. "Which is still very."
Vehk went pink and clenched his jaw. Grape splattered all over his face.
Rubin doubled over as Vehk squawked indignantly, scrubbing at his face with his hands. Rubin wiped tears away from his eyes as he perched on the table. He grabbed a handkerchief and touched Vehk's face through it, cleaning between giggles.
"I love you, Vehk," he smiled widely at his partner. Vehk's eyes were soft as he smiled back. The tiefling leaned into his touch, holding Rubin's wrist gently. It reminded him so much of that poor child that he flinched, coldness seeping through his chest. They deserved better, they–
"I love you, Rubin." Vehk interrupted his thoughts, a frown on his beautiful face. "Is there something wrong? Did you have a hard day?"
Rubin's composure crumpled and he nodded.
"Sorry Vehk, um- is it- can I cry?" His voice broke pathetically. Vehk's face looked more worried, which he shouldn't, because Rubin should take care of him, not the other way around. It wasn't fair on Vehk.
Vehk pulled him in for a hug, and Rubin melted bonelessly into his arms. He sobbed into Vehk's shoulder, quietly at first, but Vehk's gentle soothing drew out the rage and sorrow that had been building inside of him. He let himself be configured into a more comfortable position, head on Vehk's chest as the tiefling stroked his hair.
He told Vehk what had happened then, voice croaking as he told him about that poor child, how they had reminded Rubin so much of Vehk. They talked until Rubin was calm, idly stroking Vehk's ribs with his thumb.
Gods, he needed this. Needed Vehk. He'd said once, to an entity much bigger than anybody could conprehend, that Vehk was his entire life. His reason for being. And as much as the opposite was true, Rubin still thought he needed Vehk more.
He knew that sometimes they were worshipped together, as a single entity. Death and Bastardry, twin flames dancing around each other until they were indistinguishable. He understood why they did– after all, they'd been voted best couple in their friend group for two hundred years and counting. It was nice, to see that their love was concrete.
Vehk tapped Rubin's cheek with his nail.
"You've been quiet for a bit, babe," Vehk said, a little smile playing on his lips.
"Ah, sorry. I was just thinking about– actually, nevermind. Um... thank you for listening, Vehk."
"Rubin, I'm your boyfriend. It's my job." Vehk wriggled downwards towards Rubin. "And, uh, speaking of my job as your boyfriend..."
Rubin's eyebrow raised. Vehk flushed.
"Well, you did dress up nicely for me. It'd be a shame if your effort was wasted..." Rubin trailed off, eyes glimmering.
"My thoughts exactly," Vehk said, and kissed the love of his life.