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Chan rubbed at his eyes lazily as he yawned, rolling over in bed and eyeing the alarm clock on his nightstand. He pouted and groaned a bit when it had read 4:16 am, because he was still so tired and his body was just working against him and it wasn’t fair. He thought he'd done good by himself this time, too. He came home early, goddammit, even if early by his standards was two in the morning. It had been a horribly restless two hours, and no matter the heaviness that crept into his bones and weighed his whole body down, he couldn't sleep. His heart raced, his mind raced, he couldn't stop tossing and turning to save his life and it was another one of those nights he was grateful to have his own room, lest he wake one of the other boys in his state.
Except.
Except there was always someone else who didn't mind waking up for Chan.
He rolled out of bed, bare feet hitting the cold tile and causing him to move with a sense of urgency that wasn’t in line with his current energy levels. Making a beeline towards his dormmate's room, he knocked softly before creeping in.
“Changbin?” his shy voice sounded. Changbin slept like a dog, wouldn’t wake unless the house were burning around him or if a gym offer was being made.
But of course, Chan was an exception.
Changbin's voice was gruff and sleep-laden, his response a slurred jumble of words that Chan could barely make out to be “is everything okay? Can’t sleep tonight?”
“No,” Chan huffed, answering the first question, “and no. I can’t. Can I…” he trailed off, hesitant to ask what was already commonplace for the two.
Changbin moved slightly on his bed, patting the spot in front of him and waving Chan over. “Always.”
Chan shuffled over, careful not to trip over anything that might be on the floor and climbed into bed next to Changbin, chests flush against each other. Chan wrapped his arms around the shorter of the two, legs following suit, and rolled them over so he could lie on top of him. He buried his face into Changbin's plush, firm chest and let out a shaky breath of relief. Chan's body was betraying him in all sorts of ways as he found himself closer to tears than he wanted to be. Sleepless nights tended to be nothing, but sometimes they went like this: Chan curling into himself on Changbin's chest, a steady trail of tears leaving his eyes despite his efforts to will them back. Changbin brought his hands up to graze up and down Chan's back as Chan kept himself together as best as possible, the pair laying there for awhile in the silence as Changbin traced lines into Chan, who'd made himself smaller.
“You know you can cry here, Channie,” Changbin stated. Typically, like this, he dropped honorifics with the older. Didn't want to remind him that he was older, that he was the leader, that he should assume responsibility even when his head and heart were screaming at him for a break.
And it usually takes more than this. Usually requires a bit of coaxing from the younger to get the older to open up so brazenly. But they'd just finished a comeback, and they had a tour in a month, with a smattering of schedules in between and a handful of flights to get to all of them in just under three weeks' time. So Chan breaking so easily was anticipated. It was as though Changbin's words snapped the thread Chan was holding onto, tears rushing out of his eyes in an instant as a choked sob left his lips.
“I don't know,” Chan mumbled between breaths, “I don't know what to do.”
“Don't think about it,” Changbin shushed him. “Your job right now is to get some rest. The managers will take care of the logistics, and you can't take care of the kids if you're worrying yourself to death.”
Chan breathed out a tired laugh, a bitter sort of thing as he sniffled, snuggling closer into Changbin.
“I'm serious Channie,” Changbin began, carding his fingers through Chan's hair. It was soft like this, curly and messy and just how he loved it, “You need to take care of yourself before everything else. Otherwise, you'll be in no condition to take care of us. But like I said, taking care of the kids is not important right now. You need to rest. Let me help you, hmm? That's what you came here for, right?”
Chan wiggled around a bit on top of Changbin, shifted slightly to get more comfortable as he laid atop the shorter male. He buried himself further into Changbin's hold and squeezed him just a little tighter. And Changbin was fluent in Chan's nonverbal signs, knew that meant 'okay, I'll let it go.' Knew it meant both 'please' and 'thank you.' Knew it meant 'I love you.'
“I love you too, I'll tell you as many times as you need, okay?” Changbin hummed, hands moving idly on Chan's back.
Chan nodded his head into Changbin's neck, pressed a faint kiss there and tried to will himself to sleep, shutting his eyes and forcing his breathing to slow.
Changbin chuckled softly, kissing into Chan's curls.
"Tonight, did you want me to? You don't have to say anything, just nod your head so I know."
So Chan did, nodding his head further into the crook of Changbin's neck and, if he tried, Changbin could almost swear he felt the faint outline of a smile there. It prompted a smile of Changbin's own as his hands crept under Chan's hoodie. He started massaging soft circles into the older's back, delighting in the pleased sigh his ministrations drew from Chan.
With time, Chan started feeling heavier on Changbin, and he knew it meant he was falling asleep, had probably already fallen asleep at this point. Changbin rolled them over so they were facing each other, then maneuvered himself to be the big spoon. As much as Chan hates to admit it, he loves feeling safe and cared for like this, being tucked into someone else at the end of a day he can't bear on his own.
“Cute,” Changbin whispered. “So cute.” He placed a soft kiss to the back of Chan's neck. “Mine.”
Changbin’s heartbeat always faltered on the last word, his heart swelling with joy at the man he's currently wrapped around.
“Love you, Channie. Sleep well.”
Changbin let his hand rest easily around Chan's waist, his other arm serving as a pillow for the older. He glanced at the clock.
4:34. Eighteen minutes was a new record.