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“He conked out,” is the first thing Jongseong says to him after Sunghoon closes the door behind himself. He bends down to catch his breath and recover from running up 5 flights of stairs before the words settle in.
“Fuck.” Sunghoon kicks his shoes off and launches himself on the couch. “I got here as fast as I could.”
Jongseong kneels in front of him, shoving a bottle of water in his face. “Don’t worry about it. You can see him tomorrow.”
Well, yeah. He could. But he hasn’t seen Jake properly in four days and it’s really starting to get to him. He knows Jongseong hasn’t either, though, so he keeps his mouth shut. Instead, his eyes follow Jongseong as he moves around the living room, cleaning up Jake and Riki’s mess.
“Didn’t you have a midterm today? Have you eaten anything?” Jongseong turns to face him, hands full of plastic and cans of Bang. Fucking hell, Jake.
“I had a donut for lunch,” Sunghoon replies. It was a good meal.
Jongseong stares at him crossly before dumping all the trash in the bin. “You should take better care of yourself, Sunghoon-ah.” He sounds disappointed, but it’s laced with concern. Classic Jongseong. “Drink the water. I’ll make you something.”
Obedient as ever, Sunghoon sits up to take a sip. “Bold of you to assume Jake has anything but ramen and milk.”
Jongseong waves him off as he steps towards the kitchen area. “I went grocery shopping for him yesterday.”
It’s not surprising. In fact, Sunghoon is pretty sure Jongseong is the sole reason Jake and Riki don’t have early-onset type 2 diabetes yet. He would feel bad about them being broke college kids, if not for the fact that they aren’t. Riki wears a new designer shirt every week and has a sock drawer full of flavoured vapes. Nobody knows where he gets the money from and Sunghoon is somewhat afraid of the answer.
“You spoil him,” Sunghoon says, right before the smell of kimchi takes over the room.
Jongseong snorts. “Yeah, I’m the one who got him 5 Fortnite gift cards just because.”
Not just because. Sunghoon got the best head of his life in return, but he keeps that to himself too. “Someone’s got to feed his nerd tendencies.”
He watches as Jongseong moves around the kitchen skilfully, pulling out the ingredients from the right cabinets with ease because he’s the only one who ever cooks in this apartment. Next to the cup ramen on the counter, Sunghoon sees the Pokemon bread that Riki likes, and a wave of affection washes over him because of course Jongseong would drive to the Japanese grocery store all the way across town just to cater to Riki’s extremely specific tastes.
As he waits for the food to be ready, Sunghoon grabs Jake’s laptop from the table and winces when he sees the open google doc consisting of only the title of the assignment, followed by ‘IM GOING TO FUCKING KMS’. He adds a ‘haha youre so sexy pls don’t <3’ below it and switches tabs to open Netflix.
Twenty minutes later, he and Jongseong are pressed up against each other on the couch, steaming hot bowls of kimchi fried rice in their hands. Sunghoon takes his first bite and almost forgets what a disaster this entire week was. He locks his foot around Jongseong’s ankle and nudges him. “Thank you for taking care of me.”
He only gets a shy smile in return. Classic Jongseong.
=
So, here’s the thing. Sunghoon met Jongseong before he met Jake. It was their freshman year and Heeseung’s birthday. He wasn’t exactly invited but technically he wasn’t not invited either. Heeseung’s parties are basically open to all anyway.
Sunghoon did not know anybody at the party. He certainly did not know Lee Heeseung. Just like Jake, he was another person Sunghoon became friends with because of Jongseong.
The music was deafening and the alcohol was free, so Sunghoon took advantage of the night and got absolutely shitfaced. Fun fact about Sunghoon: he holds his alcohol as well as he holds his grudges, which is to say, terribly. So as one would expect, by midnight he was pressed up against the bathroom door, making out with a stranger. By the next morning, he knew two people who were at the party.
He does not remember anything else from that night, but he remembers exactly what it felt like to kiss Jongseong. The phantom taste of tequila and honey still lingers on his lips. He wonders if Jongseong remembers too.
=
Sunghoon looks up when Jake lets out another groan and drops his head on the table. Abandoning his textbook, he pats Jake’s head placatingly, similar to when he’s trying to apologise to Gauel for cutting her off from her treats.
“Be honest. What’s the worst that could happen if I dropped out?” Jake asks, turning his head, cheek still pressed against the table.
Sunghoon rubs his ear affectionately. “My Journalism degree sure as hell isn’t going to pay our bills.”
“We can just freeload on Jay,” Jake says after a moment, his smile menacing.
Sunghoon is about to remind him that Jongseong is his boyfriend and not Sunghoon’s when he’s interrupted by two takeout bags landing in front of them. Jongseong pulls out the chair opposite Jake and stares both of them down. “You’ve been in the library since noon. Seriously, I’m going to go bald before 30 because of you guys.”
“You’d still look hot,” Jake tells him and then stares at Sunghoon pointedly which he figures translates to ‘this is what I was talking about’.
Jongseong has more money than he knows what to do with. Sunghoon knows it. Jake knows it. Everyone knows it. Unlike Heeseung, who spends his fortune on weed and LOL, Jongseong uses his to spoil Jake because he is his boyfriend, and Sunghoon because he is always hovering around Jake.
“Stop surviving off of caffeine. What happened to I-only-eat-eggs-and-meat-Sunghoon?” Jongseong starts taking out the food from the bags, a little more aggressively than necessary.
Sunghoon stuffs an entire tteok in his mouth. “He died along with my will to live in freshman year.”
Jake grimaces at him but then follows suit and within ten minutes, they’ve scarfed down two entire containers of tteokbokki. Jongseong watches them with his chin resting on his palm, declining every offer of a bite. The look on his face is something Sunghoon has been on the receiving end of more times than he can remember. It’s still something he can’t put a name to.
“Come on, I’ll drive you guys home,” Jongseong says after they’ve cleaned up their trash.
There’s a lot of reading left to do. The still-open textbook in front of Sunghoon taunts him. By the looks of it, Jake is thinking the same thing. Jongseong sighs and slams the book shut.
“You’re clearly not in the state to continue. Let me take you home.”
Sunghoon and Jake eventually agree and they all pile into Jongseong’s car. Sunghoon instinctually takes the back seat.
“You can stay over,” Jake suggests when they pull up in front of his building.
Sunghoon isn’t sure who he’s talking to but he shakes his head nonetheless. “I should check on Sunoo.”
Jongseong moves his hand to rub Jake’s thigh. “Don’t worry, I’ll get him home safe.”
The words make Jake’s entire face soften and he leans in to kiss Jongseong’s cheek. “I know.” He then turns in his seat to pull Sunghoon closer and presses a kiss against his cheek as well. “Goodnight.”
Sunghoon watches him get out of the car and waves at him one last time before he notices Jongseong staring at him in the rearview mirror. He raises an eyebrow in question but understands when Jongseong nods at the seat next to him.
It’s silent for the rest of the drive, except for the Global Top 50 playlist playing from Jongseong’s aux. Sunghoon’s head moves along to the beat until he tilts it to rest against the window. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jongseong’s right hand hover in the air, hesitant, before it falls back to his side. Sunghoon doesn’t have the energy to dwell on it.
When they get to Sunghoon’s place, the air feels thick and heavy. Something is different. Sunghoon can’t quite put his finger on it, but something is different. Luckily, avoiding his problems is something Sunghoon has always excelled at. So he just thanks Jongseong for the ride and leaves.
=
Midterms and assignments make it hard to notice how October bleeds into November and Sunghoon is only reminded of it because of Jake’s birthday. He lets Sunoo do his hair and makeup, ignoring any snide comments he has to listen to about his outfit. Still, Sunghoon is Sunghoon so five minutes later he sends Jongseong a mirror selfie and waits for his approval.
jongssaengie
> you look amazing
> jake is going to lose his mind
sunghoon
> shut up
> thank you
Jongseong hands out compliments the same way he hands out gifts—only to his people, with a lot of thought behind them. Sunghoon knows he’s one of those people not because they’ve been friends for three years, but because they’re dating the same person. There’s a difference.
Sunghoon arrives at Jake’s place about an hour before the other guests and fifteen minutes before Jongseong. He kisses Jake senseless until the shine of gloss on his lips is completely gone and Sunghoon’s own lips taste like strawberries. That’s how Jongseong finds them: on the couch with no sense of where one ends and the other begins. He closes the door behind him and waits until they break apart.
He does that a lot, Sunghoon has noticed—watch him and Jake with that glint in his eye. At first, Sunghoon thought it was jealousy, or something just as ugly, but that thought disappeared as soon as it came because Sunghoon knows Jongseong and he knows Jongseong isn’t capable of feeling anything malicious if he tried.
No, it’s similar to how kids watch their paper airplanes soar in the sky, how artists scrutinize the finished painting they’ve been working on till ungodly hours, how mothers look at their babies when they’re holding them for the first time. It’s proud, adulatory, and undeniably fond. Sunghoon doesn’t know what to do with that.
He steps aside and lets them both make up for lost time, immediately latching onto Sunoo when he walks in through the door. Sunghoon barely manages to make conversation with Jake’s teammates—or anyone other than Sunoo or Jungwon, really—throughout the night.
He pokes his head out the balcony door and is reminded that Riki is actually home tonight. Out of the countless times that Sunghoon has been at Jake’s place, he’s run into Riki a total of maybe 5 times. He’s sitting next to Heeseung, who Sunghoon was not aware was going to be here. Although Heeseung has graduated and has a job, he still hangs around the campus for some reason that nobody knows. Seeing him now, sharing a joint with Riki as they laugh at something on his phone, Sunghoon thinks he understands. This is a new development. He doesn’t remember them being that close when Heeseung was a senior. Sunghoon decides to mull on it later and focuses his attention back on finding Jake.
When Sunghoon does track him down, it’s pressed up against his bedroom door, his head thrown back and Jongseong’s lips attached to his neck. Sunghoon jerks in place because fuck, he knows Jake is hot and he’s not blind so he knows Jongseong is too. But seeing them like this, with roaming hands and hurried movements, it’s new. His breath catches in his throat when Jongseong’s hand travels lower to cup Jake over his jeans. Sunghoon should leave, he really should, but it’s like he’s being held in place by chains. Or maybe just a terrible case of horny brain.
Jake’s eyes meet Sunghoon’s as soon as they open and something dark flickers in them before he seems to sober up. He pushes Jongseong away carefully and approaches Sunghoon with light steps. “Everything okay?”
No, Sunghoon thinks, nothing is okay. It’s hard to form any words right now. His throat is dry and his mind is hazy, so all he can do is nod.
It must not be convincing at all because now Jongseong is stepping closer to him too, thumbing at his cheek. He studies Sunghoon for a few seconds before leaning in to whisper something in Jake’s ear.
“Yeah,” Jake says, “Let’s go inside.”
He grabs Sunghoon’s wrist in one hand and opens his door with the other, leading him towards the bed as soon as they’re inside. In his slightly tipsy and extremely horny state of mind, all Sunghoon can interpret it as is them about to have sex. The thought is enough to send another shock of arousal down his body. His jeans feel way too tight and uncomfortable.
Sunghoon’s eyes flit between Jake and Jongseong. Are they all going to have sex together? Does Sunghoon want to have sex with Jongseong? It’s not something they’ve discussed before, but Sunghoon is sober enough to realise that he wouldn’t be opposed to it if they asked.
Jake bends down to take Sunghoon’s shirt off and Sunghoon thinks this is it. But then Jongseong is taking his place, pulling a hoodie over Sunghoon’s head. He can barely register the scent of amber and rosemary through his confusion.
Jongseong. It smells like Jongseong.
“How much have you had to drink?” Jake asks, pressing the back of his hand to Sunghoon’s cheek.
“Not much,” Sunghoon answers truthfully.
Jake hums. “Stay over.” He turns towards Jongseong. “Both of you. I’ll kick everyone out.”
“You should be out there having a good time,” Sunghoon whines, “It’s your birthday.”
Jake smiles, crooked and dopey. “And my two favourite people are here. It’s already the best day ever.”
It’s such a Jake thing to say that Sunghoon can’t help but smile back. He flops down on his back, already on the brink of falling asleep, but he can still hear Jongseong and Jake whispering amongst themselves.
“Riki will leave soon and you know he won’t be back till like 3 anyway,” Jake says.
“I feel like we should be more worried about that.” That’s Jongseong.
“He’s 19. He can take care of himself,” is the last thing Sunghoon hears before the door closes and he figures Jake has left.
“Pants on or off, Sunghoon-ah?” Jongseong asks after a moment, his voice as gentle as ever.
“Off,” Sunghoon says without thinking but rushes to sit up when he understands the implication. “I’ll do it myself,” he adds hastily. The last thing he needs right now is for Jongseong to be face-to-face with his half-hard dick.
Jeongseong laughs and retreats with his hands held up in surrender. Sunghoon takes approximately 7 minutes to kick his pants off and makes himself at home beneath the blanket. He feels a hand carding through his hair which only works to make him sleepier. Everything after that is a blur. The door opens and closes, there are more whispers, a kiss on his forehead, and then a body against his. Sunghoon sleeps better than he has in weeks.
=
As far as luck goes, Sunghoon had the absolute pleasure of being born on the 8th of December. This means, more often than not, his birthday falls during finals week. By some miracle though, he has not had a final on his birthday in all four years. With sad, puppy eyes and an apologetic edge to his voice, Jake lets him know that he does.
“I’ve put Jay on the job. He’ll stay with you the entire day and I swear I’ll give you the best gift ever before I go back home,” Jake says, patting Sunghoon’s head.
Sunghoon frowns at him. “I don’t need babysitting, I’ll be fine. Besides, he has a final on the 9th. He should probably be studying.”
“He insisted. Just let him take care of you, okay?” Jake starts trailing kisses down Sunghoon’s body and well, how is Sunghoon supposed to argue against that?
“Sunghoon-ah, it’s your birthday,” Jongseong reminds him for the third time from his place on Sunghoon’s bed, where he’s sitting between a mess of papers and his iPad and Mac open on either side.
Sunghoon barely spares him with a glance. “Yeah, so you’re supposed to listen to everything I say.”
Jongseong huffs. “I can’t believe you’re using your birthday privilege to get me to study.”
Nothing he says after that is dignified with a response. Sunghoon sways in his chair, taking a sip from his second Diet Coke of the day and almost spilling it on his laptop when he goes to place it down. He blames it on Jongseong’s next words.
“Jake mentioned you’ve been having a hard time.”
It isn’t said with the intention of hurting him, but he feels like shit anyway. Sunghoon knows pushing people away is second nature to him. He’s never been very good at expressing himself and talking about his feelings does not come easy to him. He also knows Jake worries about him a lot and so does Jongseong.
The thing is, Sunghoon’s love is not loud like Jongseong’s. It is not pronounced like the way Jongseong displays everything Jake gives him in his room as if they’re trophies, the way he always looks at Jake with stars in his eyes, or the way he has tucked Jake into every corner of his life as if he is an extension of Jongseong himself. To Jongseong, loving comes as easy as breathing.
Sunghoon does not doubt the love that he has for Jake and he knows that Jake doesn’t either. Still, he’s glad Jake has Jongseong. To take care of him. To give him the sincerity and candor that he deserves.
“I have,” Sunghoon admits because he figures he owes them at least that much, “but I’ll be fine, I promise.”
Jongseong softens. He doesn’t push, never does, and Sunghoon is eternally grateful for that. “You have us, yeah? We’re always in your corner.”
“I know.” Sunghoon means it. He pats Jongseong’s thigh in thanks and lets him get back to work.
=
Winter break gives Sunghoon enough free time to overthink himself into a self-loathing, anxious pit. He usually thrives on his own, but right now he would kill to be around anyone but himself. So when he gets a text from Heeseung about the New Year’s party at his place, Sunghoon drops everything and hops on the first train back.
Walking into Heeseung’s penthouse feels like freshman year all over again. Jake isn’t coming back for another week and he can’t find Heeseung anywhere. Sunghoon recognizes some of the alumni, though he can’t put a name to any of their faces. So, to truly remake the scene, he makes a beeline for the drinks. He’s about to down the third glass of whatever concoction is in front of him when he hears Jongseong.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Jongseong says, arm stretched out for a handshake. He’s wearing a suit to a fucking New Year’s party. Sunghoon contemplates dumping his drink on his suit jacket.
“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Sunghoon responds, slapping his hand away.
Jongseong grins, though there’s something sour in his eyes. “Where else am I going to go?”
If Sunghoon had a rewind button, other than for most of the social interactions in his life, he would use it now. Jongseong has busy parents who are always traveling and a mansion on the other side of the country that is only ever occupied by domestic help. This is the closest thing he has to a home. Sunghoon regrets leading the conversation here. He shoves a drink in Jongseong’s hand and grabs the free one to pull him towards the balcony.
“How was your break?” Jongseong asks once they’re away from the crowd.
Sunghoon shrugs. “It was fine,” he takes another sip, “Felt nice to see my family.”
“That’s good,” Jongseong nods.
“You should’ve told me you were going to be alone,” Sunghoon says, mouth working faster than his brain, “I would’ve asked you to come along.”
Jongseong laughs. “You would’ve taken your boyfriend’s boyfriend to see your family?”
Something in Sunghoon’s chest twists. That’s not all Jongseong is. “I would’ve taken my best friend to see my family.”
They stand in silence for a prolonged moment before Jongseong looks away. “Jake did ask me to go home with him, but I didn’t want to intrude,” Jongseong looks back at Sunghoon, a faint smile on his lips, “It wasn’t that bad, I promise. I’m used to it.”
You shouldn’t have to be. You deserve better. You deserve everything. Instead of saying all that, Sunghoon places his cup on an empty chair and wraps his arms around himself. “Do you want to take a walk? I’m feeling a little dizzy, I could use some fresh air.”
Jongseong’s eyebrows knit together in concern and he nods immediately. “Yeah, come on.” He places his hand on Sunghoon’s back and starts leading him outside.
Once they’re back in the room, Sunghoon looks around for Heeseung again. The least he can do is let him know that he was here. Right as he’s about to ask Jongseong to wait, he spots Heeseung sitting on the counter with Riki standing between his legs. Sunghoon pulls Jongseong out of the house in a flash. He’s not sober enough for this.
They ride the elevator down and Sunghoon trips over his own feet when they reach the ground floor. Jongseong wraps an arm around his waist to stop him from face-planting on the concrete.
“I was wondering when the alcohol would hit you,” Jongseong says, pulling him up so he’s standing straight again.
Sunghoon waves a hand in his face before pushing his arm away. “I’m fine,” he says and then trips again.
“Okay.” Jongseong sighs, both arms now around Sunghoon. “Just let me,” he links their fingers and walks a few steps ahead, presumably to make sure Sunghoon stays stable, “There we go.”
“You just want an excuse to hold my hand.” Sunghoon doesn’t know where that comes from. He blames it on the alcohol.
Jongseong laughs, but his cheeks glow a soft red. The cold, Sunghoon’s brain supplies, it’s the cold. He shivers almost as a response to the thought, his sweater clearly not thick enough to battle the harsh winter.
“I don’t get paid enough for this.” Jongseong stops walking. He shrugs his jacket off of one arm and uses that one to hold onto Sunghoon while he removes it from the other arm.
“You don’t get paid at all,” Sunghoon replies dumbly, distracted by the way the jacket comes to rest on his own shoulders.
They start walking again. “You think I haven’t been keeping track? There’ll be a bill waiting for you as soon as you get a job. It starts right from the night we met,” Jongseong says, obviously teasing. He never does anything with the expectation of being paid back. He’s just so good.
“I don’t think mauling me against Heeseung’s bathroom counts as taking care of me.” Sunghoon really has no control over what he’s saying anymore.
Jongseong suddenly stops walking and the tug against their joint hands nearly causes Sunghoon to fall over again. “You remember that,” Jongseong whispers, low enough that Sunghoon almost misses it.
Despite the jacket draped over him, another shiver runs down Sunghoon’s body. He really doesn’t want to be having this conversation right now, especially when he’s at the risk of speaking before he can even think.
The earnestness on Jongseong’s face kills any intention he has of running away. “Yeah,” he tries to choose his words carefully, but ultimately fails, “It’s hard to forget your first college kiss.” He bumps their shoulders together. “Plus, you weren’t half bad.”
The joke falls flat.
“I thought you didn’t—,” Jongseong looks distressed and Sunghoon isn’t sure he can fix whatever it is that he’s done. “You never said anything.”
Sunghoon feels soberer by the second. He can’t decide if that’s a good or a bad thing. “I didn’t even know if I was going to see you again,” he defends himself, “I wasn’t expecting to run into you in class the next day and I wasn’t sure if you remembered.”
A car whooshes by. Neither of them flinches. “I literally approached you! Why would I do that if I—,” Jongseong cuts himself off, some sort of realisation dawning on his face. “I guess I never did bring up the kiss,” he says, resigned.
“Yeah, you didn’t,” Sunghoon says pointedly. He looks down. They’re still holding hands. “Look, let’s just forget about it, okay? It was a long time ago.”
Jongseong doesn’t look like he wants to forget about it at all, but he nods nonetheless. Always putting others before himself. Classic Jongseong.
“For what it’s worth, I’m glad it happened. I wouldn’t have you in my life otherwise,” Jongseong says when they start walking again. He tries to appear indifferent but his eyes give him away.
Sunghoon’s heart lurches. There’s something simmering at the bottom of his stomach and it feels a lot like want. But he can’t. He can’t want.
“Me too,” he says instead.
Jongseong opens his mouth to say something when the first firework goes off. Sunghoon flinches on instinct, moving to hide behind Jongseong.
“Good to know you wouldn’t hesitate to use me as a human shield,” Jongseong snorts, but Sunghoon can barely hear him over the next fireworks.
Jongseong takes his phone out of his pocket and checks it before turning it towards Sunghoon. 12:01, January 1st. “Happy new year,” he says, pulling Sunghoon in front of him again.
Sunghoon says it back. They’re so close, he can barely feel the cold anymore. Jongseong’s hands come to rest on Sunghoon’s waist under the jacket, steady and so, so warm. The fireworks stop. Or maybe they don’t. Sunghoon can’t really focus on anything right now other than Jongseong.
Sweet, kind, selfless Jongseong. Sunghoon’s best friend Jongseong. Sunghoon’s boyfriend’s boyfriend Jongseong. The embodiment of comfort and safety, Jongseong.
The imaginary rope holding him back snaps. Jongseong’s eyes are full of warmth and hope. It feels a lot like how he looks at Jake. It feels a lot like love.
“Sunghoon,” Jongseong whispers, one hand moving up to cup his cheek. Sunghoon doesn’t say anything. He can’t. Instead, he leans closer until their noses brush together.
The buzzing in his back pocket brings Sunghoon back to reality. He snaps out of his daze, taking quick steps backward and pushing Jongseong away in the process.
“I,” Sunghoon’s eyes flit between the road and the sidewalk, vehemently avoiding Jongseong, “I need to go.” He puts up a hand when footsteps enter his vision. “Don’t. I can get home by myself.”
“Sunghoon.” Jongseong sounds devastated and Sunghoon would feel bad if he was thinking straight. “You drank tonight. It’s not safe. You don’t have to talk to me, but please just let me take you home.”
Trust him to be nice even when Sunghoon’s being an asshole. “I’m not drunk. I’ll be fine. If you’re really worried about me, just let me go.” It’s a low blow, but Sunghoon’s need to not be here outweighs his need to be rational.
“Okay,” Jongseong says. He sounds as upset and tired as Sunghoon feels. “Please text me when you get home.”
Sunghoon nods, mostly just to end the conversation, and walks away without looking back.
=
Okay, so there are some things Sunghoon should have explained before. There was Jongseong, and then there was Jake. Except Sunghoon did not have Jongseong the way he has Jake. He did not know he wanted Jongseong the way he wants Jake.
To put it simply, their beginning was something like this: Jongseong met Jake in his International Finance class at the start of sophomore year. He introduced Jake to Sunghoon. Sunghoon liked Jake immediately but did not think he had a chance because by December, Jongseong and Jake were dating. He was wrong. Because by Jongseong’s birthday, Sunghoon and Jake were also dating.
Truth be told, it has never been complicated. It was awkward, yes. A little delicate at first too. But never complicated.
Sunghoon loves Jake. Jongseong does too. Jake loves both of them. It’s as easy as that. So really, it’s not until now that Sunghoon has thought about what it would be like if all the points were connected.
As he does with most of his problems, Sunghoon approaches Sunoo about it. By approaching he means he sits in front of Sunoo while he’s in the middle of eating dinner and doesn’t stop talking until his throat dries out.
And then Sunoo says, “I don’t get it. None of this is new.”
“What?” Sunghoon screams. He feels about 5 seconds away from ripping his hair out. “Well, what about his lock screen? I saw it after the party. It was a picture of the three of us from Jake’s birthday, Sunoo. All three of us. ”
Sunoo rolls his eyes and Sunghoon thinks maybe it’s not his own hair he’s going to rip out. “That’s not new either. You just never saw what you didn’t want to see.”
“So why am I seeing it now?”
Sunoo snorts and because he is ever the helpful friend, says, “I think that’s for you to figure out.”
Realising that this is the best he’s getting out of Sunoo, Sunghoon moves to retire to his room but turns around right as he reaches it. “About Riki and Heeseung.”
Sunoo shakes his head. “Let’s not even go there.”
It takes Sunghoon 72 hours, 5 Taylor Swift albums, and 1 frustrated Kim Sunoo to ‘figure it out’.
Sunghoon is not good with people. He does not know how to talk to them or be around them, and he definitely does not know how to be friends with them. So for a really long time, he had no one. And then he had Jongseong.
Jongseong approaches every single person he meets in the same way: with open arms and his heart on his sleeve. Once he decides that he likes them, he talks to them with sincerity, gets to know them with unfeigned interest, and leaves a piece of him with them even if they never meet again.
Jongseong is nothing like Sunghoon. Sunghoon loves him because.
He stews over the realisation for the rest of the week, even after Jake comes back and blows Sunghoon’s phone up. Sunghoon knows Jake has probably heard about everything by now and also that he won’t make Sunghoon talk about it if he truly doesn’t want to. Still, actually having a conversation about the situation makes it feel too real and Sunghoon isn’t sure if he’s ready to deal with the implications.
Jongseong’s jacket is still splayed across the back of Sunghoon’s desk chair. Every time he looks at it, a feeling lodges in his throat, wanting to be heard, demanding to be felt. It burns and yet, he can’t bring himself to put it away.
His inbox is also full of unread messages from Jongseong. Sunghoon doesn’t even skim through the content before he swipes them away.
=
The touch starvation is what ultimately does him in. He makes the walk to Jake’s house in record time, not even bothering to take his AirPods along. Once he lets himself in, he gives Jake barely enough time to move his laptop before Sunghoon all but launches himself on top of him.
Neither of them speaks up for a while because Sunghoon knows Jake knows he needs a little time. Then Jake cradles Sunghoon’s face in his lap and says what he’s been needing to hear for days, “It’s okay if you want to kiss Jay, Sunghoon-ah.”
Sunghoon turns to look up at Jake. “Did you know?” He asks. “That I—,” he can’t finish the sentence but he knows Jake understands.
“Yeah,” Jake says, tracing a path down Sunghoon’s stomach where his shirt has rucked up. “I also knew that things would work out in due time.”
Sunghoon shudders when Jake’s fingers brush over a particularly ticklish spot. His own hand moves down to cover Jake’s. “I don’t know what to do,” he admits, a little shamefully, but mostly as a cry for help.
Jake uses his other hand to card through Sunghoon’s hair. “What’s going on up here?” He taps Sunghoon’s forehead with his thumb. “Talk to me.”
Framing his internal monologue in a way that makes sense is a gruelling task. Sunghoon sucks in a breath as his eyes lose focus. “It’s Jongseong,” he says, as if that explains everything. To him, it does. But for Jake, he elaborates. “I can’t decide if I’m happy I figured it out or if I’m mad that I’ve been so blind.”
“You’re being too hard on yourself,” Jake says. Again, his eyes convey. You always are. “I know it’s scary and I know you can’t help but overthink, but it’s less burdensome than you believe. The only reason I’m saying that is because it’s Jay. Because it’s us. Trust me when I say that everything will be fine.”
Sunghoon hums. The conversation has drained every last drop of energy he had left, so he buries his nose in Jake’s stomach and closes his eyes. He’d missed this. In the midst of his dilemma, he’d ignored his needs. He’d missed Jake.
Jake’s fingers tangle with the hair at the back of his neck, grounding him. “Whenever you’re ready, talk to him. It’s Jay, Sunghoon-ah. He’s been beating himself up over this for days.”
Sunghoon had thought as much, but the words serve as a reminder that this is not just about him. More than guilt, his chest aches with want. It’s a familiar feeling now. An irresolute glint of hope replaces the anxiety, the thought of what could be subdues the what-ifs. He thinks of another body pressed against his from the other side as he lets himself drift off.
=
Two days and several pep talks later, Sunghoon finds himself at a skatepark near campus, waiting for Jongseong to arrive. Neutral ground, Sunoo’s words repeat in his head.
The skatepark is mostly abandoned, presumably because it’s 2 in the afternoon, and Sunghoon is grateful for that. If things go south—even though Jake had promised him they wouldn’t—at least his breakdown won’t be witnessed by a bunch of teenagers.
Sunghoon is sitting on the stairs next to a vert ramp, picking at his hangnails. He bites one off too deep and has to suck the blood from his finger. That’s how Jongseong finds him.
“I told you to stop doing that,” he reprimands, taking a seat next to Sunghoon.
“I don’t do it on purpose,” Sunghoon mumbles around his finger. It must not be comprehensible at all because Jongseong’s face scrunches in confusion and he pulls Sunghoon’s hand away from his mouth.
“Take better care of yourself, Sunghoon-ah,” Jongseong says as he wraps the hem of Sunghoon’s shirt around his bleeding finger and presses down.
Sunghoon recognises an opportunity when he sees one. “I have you for that, don’t I?”
It’s an olive branch. Sunghoon isn’t sure how else to approach this. He still needs to apologise for the ghosting and for running away. Baby steps, he decides.
The tips of Jongseong’s ears turn red. “Don’t forget about the bill,” he says. His own olive branch.
Jongseong untangles Sunghoon’s finger from his shirt and gently runs his thumb below the wound before letting go, and Sunghoon can’t do this anymore.
“I’m in love with you,” he admits, feeling as vulnerable as his wound is to the dust.
“What?” Jongseong’s head snaps up. “I—This isn’t…” His mouth hangs open, eyes blown wide. It would be funny, except nothing about this situation is amusing. “Do you mean it?” He finally asks. The words are laced with insecurity and they make Sunghoon’s stomach drop.
“I really do,” Sunghoon confirms, smiling.
Jongseong cups Sunghoon’s face between his palms, tender and warm. Like he’s important. Like he’s something to be cherished. Jongseong’s love rolls off of him in waves, paralyzing everything and everyone with its sheer force. It’s something Sunghoon has been witness to for years.
Oh, he realises, there was never any reason to be afraid.
“I love you,” Jongseong says, looking like a weight has been lifted from his chest, “so, so much. You have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.”
Sunghoon can’t hear anything anymore. “Kiss me,” he whispers, desperate, “Please.”
And Jongseong does. He slots their lips together, patiently, like they have all the time in the world. Maybe, hopefully, they do.
Kissing Jongseong feels familiar. Sunghoon presses back just as hard, hoping his tongue conveys his apologies. He whines when Jongseong pulls back, surging forward to bite his lip as a punishment for laughing. The sound Jongseong lets out makes him feel like maybe it’s not a punishment at all.
“How long?” Sunghoon asks once their breathing evens out.
“Huh?”
“You said I don’t know how long you’ve waited for this.” Sunghoon reminds him. He grabs Jongseong’s hand and laces their fingers together. “So tell me.”
Jongseong avoids his eyes. Sunghoon squeezes his hand in encouragement. “Since my 19th birthday. When my parents were supposed to come and they didn’t.” He squeezes Sunghoon’s hand back. “But you did.”
Sunghoon remembers. “That was—” The revelation feels like a punch straight to his gut.
The grin on Jongseong’s face is sheepish. “Before Jake?” He says, and then quieter, “Yeah.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sunghoon knows he isn’t in the place to be demanding anything, especially since this is partly—mostly?—his fault. Still, it’s all too overwhelming.
“Because I knew you weren’t ready, Sunghoon-ah.” Jongseong laughs, but his eyes don’t crinkle the way they should.
I also knew that things would work out in due time. Is Sungoon the only one who didn’t know? His free hand curls into a fist. He’s never felt more brainless.
“And you were sure that one day I would be?” He asks. Not entirely sure why.
“No, it was just wishful thinking,” Jongseong says, playing with Sunghoon’s fingers to distract himself. Or maybe to distract Sunghoon. His cheeks redden in embarrassment. “Besides, it was worth the wait.”
Coming from anyone else, the words would make Sunghoon want to throw up. But Jongseong has always been too honest, too sincere in everything he says and does. All Sunghoon feels right now is love.
“Wait,” Sunghoon says, suddenly reminded of something, “Does Jake know?”
Jongseong nods. “He’s known from the start.” Of course, he has. All of Jongseong’s cards are always laid out on the table. “He felt bad when you guys started dating, you know? It took me some time to convince him that it was okay.”
“I can’t believe he never said anything either,” Sunghoon says petulantly.
Jongseong grins. The twinkle in his eye when he thinks he’s about to say the funniest thing ever amplifies. “He was bound by the boyfriend code.”
There it is. Sunghoon rolls his eyes, but can’t truly bring himself to feel annoyed. He angles his body towards Jongseong. “I’m sorry it took me so long.” And for everything else.
Jongseong pulls him closer until their foreheads are pressed together. “Like I said,” he says, “it was worth the wait.”
This was inevitable, Sunghoon realises as he finally musters up the courage to look into Jongseong’s eyes. It’s as easy to love Jongseong as it is for Jongseong to love.
After they’ve made out for long enough to sate the itch under Sunghoon’s skin, they head over to Jake’s place. They don’t even have to say anything. Jake takes one look at them and tears up.
“This is the best day of my life,” he says.
Jongseong snickers. “Loser.”
It earns him a punch to his right arm. Sunghoon lets them have a go at each other for a few minutes before he butts in.
“You’re an asshole,” he says to Jake, “I can’t believe you knew how we felt but didn’t say anything.”
Jake laughs, unbothered. “I knew you guys would figure it out eventually.” He tucks an imaginary piece of hair behind his ear.
“Uh huh.” Jongseong narrows his eyes. “There’s nothing more to this? No hidden meaning behind Heeseung leaving us alone at his party or Sunoo giving Sunghoon food for thought?”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Jake’s eyes widen when both of them start walking towards him. “Okay, okay. I think the others have a betting pool. I stayed out of it because I’m a good boyfriend,” he says. His right eye twitches.
Jongseong and Sunghoon exchange a look.
“How much money are we making?” Sunghoon asks, mildly amused.
“None,” Jake says, walking backwards until there’s a significant distance between them. “But we are losing 200 bucks.”
“What the fuck, Jake?” Sunghoon doesn’t try to stop Jongseong when he launches himself at Jake.
“I’m sorry,” Jake exclaims, dodging the kicks Jongseong aims at his legs, “I really thought I was playing cupid when I left you guys alone on your birthday.” He wraps his arms around Sunghoon from behind to protect himself from Jongseong. “It’s not our loss, anyway. Perks of having a rich boyfriend,” he whispers in Sunghoon’s ear.
That’s right. Boyfriend, Sunghoon thinks giddily. He buries his head in Jongseong’s chest so that he’s sandwiched between the two of them.
Jongseong leans down to drag his teeth over Sunghoon’s cartilage before tugging on his earlobe. “Hey,” he says. It makes the hair on Sunghoon’s arms stand up and a chill runs down his spine in anticipation. “You ever been fucked from both sides?”
Sunghoon nearly doubles over. His dick twitches in interest. He shakes his head when Jongseong lifts his head with a shit-eating grin plastered on his face. Jongseong looks at Jake over his shoulder and Sunghoon closes his eyes when he feels kisses being traced down the side of his neck. He tilts his head to give Jake better access and wraps his arm around Jongseong’s neck to yank him forward.
After all, he has years to make up for.